//------------------------------// // Ch. 10: Chaos // Story: The Elements of Excess // by cleverpun //------------------------------// Ch. 10 Chaos The room waited, almost completely silent. The only sound was a few faint whistles coming from the stained-glass windows. One of them had been struck by a spear during Twilight’s attack, leaving a circular hole where a glass cloud should have been. Another had been struck by an errant lightning spell, removing one of Discord’s arms. The third was a simple motif of Celestia, and Twilight had kicked that one in the face after the battle had ended. The breeze passed, and silence settled across the scene. Nopony moved, nopony said a word. A few of them even held their breath; after hearing Twilight’s statement, no responses came to mind. A dull crunch echoed off the walls. Before the silence could reassert itself, another one followed. A dozen eyeballs swung towards the sound, just in time to see Pinkie put another piece of popcorn into her mouth. Applejack frowned. “Pinkie, don’tcha think that still might be inappropriate?” A hoof-full of popcorn entered Pinkie’s mouth. “Nope!” Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but a stirring from Celestia’s cage caught her attention. She knelt down, trying to get a better look at her. “Princess, are ya alright?” Fluttershy craned her neck upward. “You didn’t hurt her, did you?” she asked quietly. She flinched. Twilight had leaned forward, her face inches away from Fluttershy’s. “Don’t coddle the enemy, Fluttershy,” Twilight whispered. “We already agreed this was for the best.” The pegasus looked at the ground, one hoof idly rubbing her shoulder. “I know, but…” “There are no ‘buts’. I’m right!” Twilight turned back to Celestia’s cage. One of her ears flicked. Her wings remained eerily still, but a thin shimmer of electricity traveled along one of them. “I’m always right.” Celestia finally stood up. She turned her neck to the side and a loud crick slipped out of it. Her wings followed suit. “I am fine, Applejack. Though my pride may be a little rugburned.” “Like the cage, Princess?” Twilight called. She smacked Philomena’s cage with a hoof. It rattled briefly as the phoenix let out an irate squawk. “Made the unicornium all by myself.” “What’s unicornium?” Applejack asked. “It reflects magic,” Celestia explained. Pinkie giggled. “Well, that sure is a corny name!” “I think it sounds cute,” Rarity said. “I agree,” Rainbow added. Celestia ignored them and leaned towards one of the bars. It was slightly crooked, and a few pits and discolorations pockmarked the surface. The metal itself was pitch-black and shiny, just as unicornium was supposed to be. The plate below her was flat, but the ceiling had several noticeable undulations and waves across its surface. The entire cage had very simplistic, boxy construction, but it appeared to be welded together correctly. She put a hoof to her chin. Not the highest grade, but certainly strong enough to create a feedback loop. Breaking it is possible, but it would cause collateral damage before I could get free. A smile curled up one edge of Twilight’s mouth. “Try all you like, but I can assure her highn-ass that she won’t be able to break that.” “Actually”—Applejack pointed a hoof at the cage—“she figured you set traps, so she didn’t call Princess Luna so we would have some backup.” Applejack’s eyes went wide, and her hoof slowly, listlessly drifted down. “And…and I prolly shouldn’t’ve told ya that…” Twilight put a hoof to her chin, and gave it a few thoughtful rubs. Her smile didn’t fade, and her eyes drifted lazily over to Celestia. “Ah, yes. Princess Sleepyhead. First thing I did when I got here was put a soundproofing spell around her room.” Twilight clapped her hooves together. The smile grew a little bigger. “But I can worry about her later! Now that Celestia is out of the way, I can finish deciding what to do with the rest of you!” Her voice finally resembled something approaching happiness, although one corner of her mouth was still a bit higher than the other. “It’s not too late for us to be best friends again, you know!” A blue hoof shot into the air. “Ooh! Me!” Applejack jerked Rainbow’s hoof back down. She leaned in. Her voice had a conspiratorial tone, and her face had a well-used frown on it. “Rainbow, what are ya doin’? She’s crazy and we’re here ta help her, remember?” Twilight let out a brusque chuckle. Some ponies might have called it a “maniacal cackle” instead. It echoed faintly in either case. “Oh, but Applejack, you can help me!” Twilight swept a hoof slowly across the room. “Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent has a place for everypony in her glorious new regime.” She locked eyes with Spike. “I still need a number one assistant, after all.” Spike rubbed his shoulder, but didn’t make eye contact with Twilight. Twilight swept her gaze across the room. Her friends were still scattered across it. Pinkie was halfway into her bag of popcorn. Rarity stood next to her, unusually quiet. Rainbow and Applejack were hunched together a few feet in front of them, holding hooves near Celestia’s cage. Her uneven smile grew another notch bigger. “And just think of all the other jobs that need to be done around here!” she said. “Chief Charity Officer, Lead Party Planner, Executive Farming Director…” Rarity poked her hoof into the air. “Ooh, I could do the first one! And perhaps the third one—I would not want any of my friends to overwork themselves.” Pinkie slid onto Rarity’s back and stood up. She shoved her hoof upward as well, and it waggled excitedly a foot above Rarity’s. “Ooh, ooh, I could do the second one!” Applejack spun around. “Have y’all gone even more mental than Twilight!? I know you’re hopped up on magic, but come on, really?” She jabbed a hoof at Celestia’s cage. “We’re supposed to be helpin’ fix all this, not makin’ things worse!” “I don’t know.” Rarity bit her lower lip and put a hoof to her chin. “There are some things we could make better with Celestia out of the way.” Rarity’s eyes lit up. “Why, just think of the lives we could improve! Free, government-paid spa days!” “Yeah, and free public parties!” Pinkie chirped. “Besides, that ‘highn-ass’ joke was pretty funny.” Applejack rubbed her eyes. The insanity of the situation had been pressing on her all day, but this was an entirely new level of absurd. She opened her eyes, prepared to speak her mind to her friends, but instead she shrunk backward. Twilight stood millimeters from her. That same smile was still melted onto the unicorn’s face. It was like yeasty bread; before you even realized it, the thing had grown exponentially. It had overgrown Twilight’s cheeks and flowed well past a normal grin. It was still slightly crooked. Twilight leaned forward, and AJ took another step backward. “You know, Applejack, if you don’t want to be my friend, that’s perfectly fine.” Twilight’s voice was even, but it clashed horribly with her expression. The façade of normalcy could not fool a single pony present. “Like I said, there’s room for everyone in my new Equestria, even the ones who underestimate and ridicule me.” Twilight took another step forward, and Applejack took another step back. Applejack felt her tail brush against something. She glanced backward and saw Celestia’s cage blocking her way backward, for several feet in both directions. Twilight leaned in, and Applejack moved her neck back. The position strained her forelegs and back, but no other response came to mind. “Why, just think!” Twilight said. “You could be my jester! Or I could seal your soul in a painting! I promise it would be very tasteful—certainly no nudity. And the background could even be an apple tree.” “That doesn’t sound very nice,” Fluttershy muttered to herself on the other side of the room. Twilight ear flicked. “Fluttershy dear, don’t interrupt me.” Her smile didn’t change in the slightest. A sizzle of electricity ran along her mane.         Twilight gasped. “Or even better. You could be my pet!” She rubbed her hooves together. “Oh yes, I can see it now. You could have a nice little bed next to my throne, and we could put your cutie mark on some food and water dishes. I have the perfect collar in mind. Leather, of course—only the very best for Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent and her pets. I was sort of thinking Celestia could be my pet, but now I think I might just seal her in the sun with the Elements.” Twilight leaned forward, and Applejack leaned further back. The back of the earth pony’s cowboy hat pressed into one of the bars of Celestia’s cage, squishing uncomfortably. Twilight planted a hoof on one of the bars, inches from Applejack’s face. The clang of her shoe hitting the bar echoed throughout the entire room. Celestia froze mid-step, the hoof seemingly pointed right at her, daring her to interfere. “So, what do you think?” Twilight asked matter-of-factly. She planted her other hoof on a different bar, cutting off the other half of Applejack’s peripheral vision. “Painting? Jester? I personally love the pet plan, but I’ll leave it up to you.” Applejack could feel Twilight’s breath shifting and jostling her mane. She opened a corner of her mouth. “Rainbow Dash, do something!” she whispered loudly. A tinge of panic crept into her voice. “Oh, uhm, I like the pet idea!” Rainbow offered. “No, I mean help me!” “Uhm, okay.” Rainbow put a hoof to her chin and bit her lip pensively. “How exactly do you want me to help, again?” “Stop Twilight!” Rainbow took a step forward. The magic soaking her body suddenly felt very heavy and she quickly stopped. She tried to take another, but her body didn’t move. “But, Twilight’s my friend, right?” Dash’s voice was drenched with uncertainty. She glanced at the floor. Her limbs still wouldn’t move. “I’m yer friend, too, remember?” Applejack started to panic a little more. Her hat scrunched between the bar and her head as she tried in vain to lean away from Twilight. There was a bright purple flash and Dash looked up. Twilight and her crooked, oversized smile was millimeters from Rainbow’s face. “You can’t be friends with us both, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight’s voice was deceptively monotone, a stark contrast to her body language. “Pick your side now. I could always use another pet, after all.” “But… But couldn’t we all just be friends? Group hug, maybe?” Dash asked. She reached forward with a hoof, but it struck an invisible shield an inch away from Twilight’s skin. Rarity opened her mouth to say something, but the tile in front of her cracked in half. Her mouth snapped shut and she scooted backward. “Don’t interrupt me,” Twilight said flatly. She leaned forward, her eyes still locked on Rainbow Dash. “Applejack is my enemy, remember? And so is Celestia and anypony else who questions Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent.” Twilight leaned further forward, the shield pressing into Rainbow’s face. “Who’s it gonna be? Your best friend, or some mouthy traitor?” “I…uhm…both?” Rainbow asked. Her voice wavered slightly. Twilight leaned forward. “Pick one, Rainbow.” She paused a little between each word. Her wings twitched again. “I…I don’t…” Rainbow brought a hoof to her head. Her mind was swimming. These are two of my best friends. I can’t choose between them, can I? Can I? Should I? Why do I have to choose between them in the first place? I don’t… “Rainbow?” AJ said softly from where she had collapsed onto the floor. She propped herself up in order to get a better look at her friend. Rainbow fell backwards onto her rump. Her hooves clamped reflexively over her mouth. Her head had gone from swimming to drowning to dolphin-kicking and back to swimming. Before she could even understand what was happening, her throat clenched up. Her hooves snapped down and she vomited spectacularly. A stream of blue liquid spilled out of her mouth and splattered onto Twilight and across the floor, a trail going across Twilight and up to Rainbow’s mouth. Rainbow Dash sat groggily for a moment, her body swaying noticeably for a few seconds, before she slumped backward into unconsciousness. “Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy and Applejack shouted in unison. Twilight recoiled, reflexively taking several steps backward. The blue gunk had stuck to her forcefield, hovering a few inches in front of her. “Oh, that is disgusting!” Twilight’s horn lit up and the goop began to slough off her, like water off a raincoat. It pooled on the floor, and the trail of slime slowly crept together into a single large patch. It was as if each individual droplet was magnetic, each one silently sliding forward until they finally coalesced onto a single, sizable section of the floor. Twilight shook herself violently, like a dog coming in after a storm. “Hmph. Honestly Rainbow, you should aim at somepony less important for things like that. I will need to make sure all my pets have very thorough obedience training, to avoid such situations.” The puddle of bright blue goo sat menacingly on the ground in between the two ponies. It almost looked rubbery, with a bright shine across its smooth surface. A bubble started to grow out of it, but after a moment it seemed to change its mind and shrink back down. Two smaller ones followed the example, and soon the puddle was a roiling mass of seething, unpopping bubbles. Fluttershy ran forward. Steps away from the throne, Twilight appeared in front of her. “What did I say about aiding the enemy?” she said sharply. “But—” “But nothing. It is me or them. And you chose me, remember?” There was a clack of hooves on tile. “But—” Another clack, almost as if somepony was hopping. “Don’t worry, Rainbow Dash will be fine,” Twilight said. “And when she wakes up, we can start the etiquette lessons immediately.” Fluttershy’s jaw fell open and she jabbed a hoof forward. “Pinkie, don’t eat that!” Everypony present turned around just in time to see the last of the blue gunk enter Pinkie’s mouth. “Mmmm…chewy!” she declared. Her jaw made a loud smacking noise as she worked it up and down. It sounded like an attempt to chew gum and car tires at the same time as a soggy towel and hard cheese. The sound halted as Pinkie swallowed, her loud gulp echoing across the room instead. For a brief moment, a loud splash reverberated across the room, as if the goop had already landed in her stomach and decided to announce it to everypony. Pinkie swooned, swaying sideways on her feet before catching herself and putting a hoof to her head. “I feel funny…” Pinkie shook her head violently. Her mane flopped erratically around her head, bouncing in every possible direction. Each time her forelock or a strand of hair changed directions, a few small slips of colored paper slid out the end and started floating lazily to the floor. Before long, piles of confetti littered the ground around her, like a piñata had thrown up and passed out. Fluttershy recoiled. “Pinkie, what did you…?” Twilight stepped forward. “That is a very good question.” Her eyes narrowed, and her voice sounded of emotionless menace. “Wow, everypony is in a really bad mood today…” Pinkie gasped and her eyes widened. “You know what would make everypony feel better?” She leapt forward, and there was an audible, unmistakable boing as she jumped. Her hooves landed on the tiles with a thunderous clack, and as she landed another handful of confetti spilled out of her mane and tail, settling onto the floor. She grinned one of her trademark Pinkie grins. “A party!” The moment the word had left her mouth, a pink, two-layer birthday cake appeared behind her. No sound accompanied its appearance. It materialized in the exact spot she had just leapt out of, haphazardly ringed by confetti. The word “PARTY!” was written across the top in white frosting. A candle with a twisting, pink-andwhite pattern served as the exclamation point’s period. “Pinkie, that candle is a fire hazard…” Fluttershy said as loudly as she dared, which was not very loud at all. Pinkie took another big, bouncy jump, and the same cartoony sound effect spilled out of nowhere to match the motion. A second, identical cake appeared where she had started her jump. She added another row of teeth to her grin. “You know what, I don’t know why I felt so weird a moment ago. I feel great!” Twilight ground her teeth together for a brief moment, then took a step forward. “Pinkie, you are making a mess in my castle, and you are using entirely too much magic. Twilight Sparkle is the only omnipotent sorceress around here!” Twilight’s horn flashed, and there was a loud, electric crack. When the light faded, a glowing purple cage had appeared around Pinkie. It resembled a birdcage, but the bars and flooring were made out of translucent, lavender energy. It hummed softly, just like Twilight’s wings. Pinkie tilted her head to the side, her smile aimed directly at Twilight. “Oh, don’t be a party pooping Patty, Twilight!” she said excitedly. Another cake appeared to the right of her cage. The frosting melted slightly from the heat flowing off the bars. “It’s impossible to feel bad at a party! And don’t you worry, I’ll handle everything. First thing we need—” She tapped the cage with a hoof, delicately prodding it for the briefest moment. The cage sagged slightly, every part of it deflating a barely perceptible millimeter. A twisting indent slowly appeared on the glowing bars, as if an invisible knife had decided to carve them into likenesses of candy canes. The same channels appeared on the other parts of the cage, deepening and stretching and growing. The magic sheen of the structure faded completely as it drooped further down. Pinkie threw her hoofs up. “Streamers!” she shouted. The bars finally broke apart completely and the cage collapsed into a pile of purple crepe paper. At the same moment, a web of identical strips unspooled across the rooftop and raced up the unbroken pillars around the room. Pinkie leapt towards the door, another cake appearing behind her. “Oh man, this is gonna be the best party ever!” A bright pink flash filled the room. When it faded, the only signs of Pinkie were a trail of confetti leading out of the doors and into the hallway, and a bundle of blue and yellow balloons where she had been standing. Twilight turned her head towards Fluttershy. The rest of her body did not budge. The movement was so sharp and rapid that a casual observer might have feared for her spine. Fluttershy certainly did. “Fluttershy, keep an eye on the prisoners,” Twilight barked. She turned back towards the doors, and her eyes narrowed. With a crackle of electricity and a burst of light, she vanished. The only evidence she had been there was a large, circular scorch mark on the floor. Rarity smiled. “Well, that went quite well! Much better than I had expected.”