//------------------------------// // Easy, You Two // Story: Innavedr // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// "Well, could you at least teleport us out of here?!" "For the millionth friggin' time!" Josho growled across the rattling box car as starlight began glistening through the barred windows of the train. "I can't do crap! These scum-suckin' wolves have some sort of crystal or diode emitting a field that cancels out complex magic!" "They're foxes, not wolves," Eagle Eye said. "Nnnngh—Why don't you take one as a pet since you're such a spark-dayum expert!" Josho growled. He turned and resumed stabbing at a flimsy wooden panel with a metal cross-beam that he had picked up from a corner of the car's cluttered interior. "The least you could do is try and help me get out of this express trip to crudville!" "By doing what?" Eagle Eye frowned, having to crowd behind the older stallion's back while Josho hammered away at the panel. "Burrowing a hole through the wall?! As soon as we jump out, we'll be ground to a paste against the mountainside!" "You're making it sound really, really appealing..." "And even if we survive, we're further south now than we were before! At this rate, we'll be attacked by a rampaging squadron of flying Searonese mares, much less Xonan invaders!" "Hey, if you're such a sissy that you'd rather wait here and let the ferrets have their way with you, be my guest!" "They're foxes—" "Nnngh!" Josho stood up, levitating the pointed end of the metal bludgeon against Josho's neck. "You're just begging to eat this and crap out bullets, aren't you?!" Eagle Eye frowned. "Must you solve everything with unmitigated violence?" "I've a good mind to solve your face with it!" "What we need to do right now is stay calm and wait things out!" Eagle Eye motioned out the dim, barred windows. "Eventually, this ride will come to a stop, and they'll try selling us off to Xonans! The opportunity to escape will be then! Not now!" "Since when were you an expert on jumping off a train?!" Josho's eyes narrowed. "You're a gutless wimp. A coward. You would have had a perfect life designing purses and lacy saddles, but instead you chose to become a soldier, not realizing that you couldn't accessorize worth crud once your sword got blood red!" "I became a mercenary because it was Franzington tradition!" Eagle Eye retorted, glaring up at the larger stallion. "My father, my family, and my neighbors had no expectations of me—but I defied the odds and became an honorable defender of the very land that you were born in! Just why did you become a soldier, Mr. Beer Gut?! Was it because spilling blood gave you jollies, or was it for the free alcohol pried from the innocent hooves of slain Xonan citizens?!" "That's it!" Josho spun and bucked Eagle Eye across the face. "Ooof!" Eagle landed on his back. Through dizzied vision, he squinted up to see Josho breaking the metal beam over two of his knees. Suddenly, the larger stallion was planting his weight against Eagle Eye's belly and pressing the sharp end of the shattered bludgeon to the lavender unicorn's limb, just above the magical manacle. "What in Sp-Spark's name are you doing?!" "I've had about all I can take of your mouth spewing all sorts of dung and roses! I'm cutting the fertilizer at the head by cutting you off at the elbow!" "You wouldn't dare..." "You're confusing me with some stallion who gives a crap!" Josho raised the sharp spear up. "Try not to scream so loud. My eardrums need to stay intact if I want the balance to climb my way off this train." "Nnngh!" With a surprising burst of strength, Eagle Eye flung his lower hooves up in a reverse-somersault, successfully uppercutting Josho across the chin. Josho stumbled back, jerking to a stop on the end of his hoofcuff's binding. "Gaagh..." He spat blood and glared at Eagle Eye. "How'd you learn to do that?!" "The hay do you care?!" Eagle Eye hissed back at him. The adrenalized pair squared off in the center of the rattling train car. "I can do a lot more than you'd ever bother to guess! But why should that matter, huh?! You're dead set on cutting me loose like a lizard's tail!" "At least a lizard wouldn't pout and whine while shedding its skin..." "See, there you go again!" Eagle Eye's voice cracked. "If you've hated me so much, why did you even bother saving my life on the cliff besides Foxtaur to begin with?!" "That's something I think about every damn hour of every damn day!" "I wanted so hard to believe that there was something good about you!" Eagle Eye exclaimed. "Something righteous! Something wholesome! But you're really just nothing but a huge lardy pile of regrets and beard!" "You forgot 'salt,'" Josho said, pointing with the spear. "Cuz you certainly seem to be swimming in it right now." "Nnngh—Shut up!" Eagle Eye stomped his hooves. "You really wanna do this?! Give me the metal so I can cut your leg off! You need it less than I do! Heck, a three-legged stallion would teeter around less than you on a sober day!" "Even drunk with three legs, I'll have more friends and family who'll love me than you, filly fru fru pants!" "That's it!" Eagle Eye charged forward. "Raaaugh!" "Ooof!" Josho took the spearing lunge to the chest. The stallions rolled across the box car, exchanging hoof-punches and headbutts. Eventually, Josho grunted and kicked Eagle Eye off of him. The petite unicorn flew through a wooden crate, smashing it into splinters and stumbling to the side. Josho ran along the length of the purple energy binding them. He gripped the metal shard in his mouth and prepared to lunge it through Eagle Eye's ribcage. Just then, Eagle burst out of the fresh pile of debris. The crate had been full of kitchen utensils, and he was employing his telekinesis in lifting a pot lid and a rolling pin. When Josho ended his charge, Eagle blocked with the improvised shield and slammed the sword-like lid across the stallion's face. "Skkkt!" Josho hissed bloodily. He took a second rolling pin to the face, but ducked in time to avoid the pot lid flying towards his skull like as pinning disc. Snarling, he fired a shot of magic at Eagle Eye's hooves. "Whoah!" Eagle Eye gasped as he was flung towards the ceiling. "Unngh!" He slammed against the insides of the box car repeatedly from Josho's merciless grip. At one point, he twirled and flung the rolling pin down like a missile. It ricocheted off of Josho's horn, forcing him to stumble back. "Ow ow ow ow—Dang it!" Eagle Eye landed, spun, hoof-planted on his upper limbs, and bucked Josho upside the chin with his lower hooves. "Gaaah!" Josho fell back and crashed through a wooden desk, filling the air with a blizzard of shredded papers. "Nnnnnnngh!" Eagle Eye charged furiously across the box car towards him. Josho pivoted and kicked a rolling chair at the unicorn. "Aaaackies!" Eagle Eye tripped clumsily over the object, landing in Josho's gripping forelimbs. With a snarl, Josho body slammed Eagle into the ground once... twice... and pressed his weight down on top of him. "Heh... nice try, but you fight like a friggin' mare..." Eagle Eye grunted. "Speak for yourself." And he reverse-kicked two hooves murderously hard in between Josho's lower legs. "Snkkkt-Yeaaaaaaaugh!" Josho fell down like a slab of meat, spasming in agony. Eagle Eye tried standing up—but ultimately stumbled down as well. Both stallions sat on the rubble-strewn floor of the rattling box car, serenaded by the sounds of their pained breaths. Eventually, it was Eagle Eye who pulled himself successfully up. He trotted over towards where the metal shard had been dropped by Josho. Josho had finally managed to lose the tears of pain from his eyes. Uncrossing his lower legs, he rolled onto his back and looked up... only to have a sharp chunk of metal pressed up against his throat. His eyes twitched in terror. Eagle Eye glared down at him, levitating the dangerous object up against the stallion's jugular. "It would be so easy... so dang easy to just skewer you like a fish and end my troubles right here and now," he sneered. After a shuddering breath, though, he added, "But then a whole wave of new troubles would begin. Believe it or not, I'm a soldier. And, like a soldier, I do my best when I'm following orders. There's nothing in life that I hate more than being alone. Back home, in Franzington?" He winced, but ultimately stammered, "I was more alone than ever. So, I joined Crimson's company, and I had purpose. But Crimson is... is d-dead now, and so is every pony I ever cared for. What am I to do with my purpose, then? Let it j-just go to waste?" Josho gazed up at him. Silent. Sober. "I don't want this..." Eagle Eye murmured, his eyes close to tears. "I never asked for any of it. I just... nnngh... I just want to get out of here. I want to run away from all this war and headache and heartache and... and find the home that's waiting for me, so I won't be alone anymore! And I'm not gonna get any of that done if one of us bites the dust!" Clenching his eyes shut, the petite stallion snarled and spun about. "So, no more of this stupid nonsense! If you wanted a stallion to kill, you should have been bound to somepony else!" He flung the metal shard at the nearest window. "Raaaugh!" There was a loud crack, echoing throughout the box car. Josho sat up with a gasp. Eagle Eye froze in place, twitching. The rusted bars to the window had shattered from the shard's impact. The metal pipes dangled, dangled, then fell free, exposing a flimsy pane of glass that was all that stood between the box car's interior and freedom. Eagle Eye blinked. He glanced down at Josho. Josho glanced up at Eagle Eye. After a few seconds of silence, Josho hopped up and tossed a chair through the window, smashing it. With cold mountain air wafting in, he and Eagle Eye fought and scrambled for room to wriggle out of the confining train car. "Move it! I'm going first!" "No, me!" "I'm stronger! I'll climb to the roof faster!" "You're fat! I'd be surprised if you'd even fit through the thing!"