Rainbow and Clyde
Chapter 2, Rock Law, Sir!
Sometimes Fluttershy almost wished for something to happen in her quiet little cottage. It seemed like days could go by where all she did was watching her pets and counting the clouds. It was relaxing, to say the least, but sometimes she wanted to talk to somebody other than Angel. She didn’t mind that he never talked back, but he could just be so stubborn. However, whenever her need to go out and take a night on the town got too overwhelming, something always burst in her door to remind her how stressful it could be.
Today that something was Pinkie, and Fluttershy let out quite the squeal when she saw Pinkie burst into her living room.
Needless to say, the mice scattered, the ducks flew, and Angel jumped into his burrow, leaving a very flabbergasted Fluttershy and a panting Pinkie alone in the cabin. As the room calmed down, Pinkie spoke first. With sad, pouty eyes she looked up to Fluttershy.
“I’m a bad pony.” Pinkie finally said. Fluttershy knew this wasn’t the end of her story, and as the good listener she was, let her continue. “My dad’s in town and he’s living with me for the week. But then Rainbow came by and I ditched my dad onto Rainbow Dash.”
“What? Pinkie, I thought you loved your father?” Fluttershy inquired.
“I do! He’s the bestest pony in the whole world! I didn’t leave him because I was bored of him! It’s just when I’m around Rainbow Dash I get, well you know Fluttershy.”
“How’s that going anyway? The uhm, Rainbow Dash situation I mean.” Pinkie had never actually needed to confide in Fluttershy about Rainbow Dash because Fluttershy was close enough friends with both to see what was going on. Pinkie had a crush on Rainbow and Rainbow had a crush on Pinkie. However, she would never betray their trust by telling the other.
“Great! She liked my mane! Well, actually it was going great but now I stuck her with my dad for the afternoon. I don't even know how it happened. All I knew was that Rainbow Dash liked my mane, and, well I guess that was all I really knew. I was too nervous to do anything, especially with my dad beside me, so when my Pinkie sense went off I just used it as an excuse to bolt!"
"Your Pinkie Sense? What was it? Twitchy tail?" Fluttershy cowered under her table. She had seen enough twitches to know it usually ended up in comical violence, and that was just too much for her.
"No, my toast was up. In hindsight, I probably should have dealt with that before I left. Actually I probably should have not left Rainbow with my dad first."
Before Pinkie could work herself up over it again, Fluttershy cut her off. Her lessons on assertiveness with Rarity were starting to kick in. Not too well, or else Fluttershy would have told Rarity she hated the lessons, but this was a start.
"Well, Pinkie I think you’re looking at the wrong problem here. Your father is a very nice stallion and I'm sure Rainbow Dash will be able to overcome the awkwardness and have an enjoyable day with him."
Meanwhile, back at Sugarcube Corner...
"..."
"..."
"So, how is it back on the farm?"
"Bleak. Like always."
"So, good?"
"Not really."
"..."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
"The real problem is that you can't approach Rainbow Dash, and I'm just the pony to help you! Today we’re going to work up your courage so that you can ask Rainbow to be your special somepony!" Fluttershy felt like she was Rainbow Dash, giving an inspirational speech. For what it was worth, Pinkie certainly seemed to buy it.
"Okie dokie! What should we do first then?" Pinkie was almost hopping, completely compartmentalizing her worries about Rainbow and Clyde for now. She was pretty good at that sort of thing. Fluttershy, however, was like a fish out of water. Scratch that, she was a fish buried in the mud. All she had about being assertive was what Rainbow and Rarity had tried to teach her. If she could only be Rainbow Dash, then she'd know what to do!
It was suddenly obvious. She could be Rainbow Dash!
"Alright Pinkie, you can be yourself and I'll be Rainbow Dash! Just ask me out and we'll go from there."
"Ok, here we go!" With a deep breath, Pinkie was actually serious. This wasn't to say she was sad or angry or even unhappy, but she was serious. The words she was saying were sincere, repeated in her mind dozens of times before. "Hey Rainbow Dash, has anyone ever told you how awesome you are? Because I think you're the best flier in Ponyville, and the most loyal friend in Equestria. And, uhm, you’re so loyal and awesome that I was thinking we could be more than friends. So how about you come over to my place and we can, hang out?" It took a second for Pinkie to really let what she had said sink in, but she was actually shocked by how confident she sounded. She was feeling pretty good about it until she saw Fluttershy curled up in a ball, once again under the table.
"Oh my, that was so, uhm, forward. I know I'm not Rainbow Dash, but if I was I'm sure I would have just fainted from something like that. I think were going to need to work on that."
"Really? Did you like any of that?"
"It was all, uhm, nice! But I think everything needs to be changed just a teeny little bit if you don't mind. Although I did like when you said uhm. That can stay. It shows real emotion." As Fluttershy crawled out from underneath the table, Pinkie realized maybe Fluttershy wasn't the pony to go to for romance advice.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The scene at Sugarcube Corner was going worse than Fluttershy's cottage. Rainbow was actually hoping for the awkward silence, because every time she opened her mouth, she somehow offended Clyde. She was running out of neutral conversation topics at an alarming rate. Clyde was not a talker apparently. Or maybe he just hated everything Rainbow Dash said. Only one way to test that theory.
"Anything you want to talk about Mr. Pie?"
"Have you ever heard about rock law?" Clyde finally said something that was open for conversation. It would have been a great sign if not for the disapproving look in his eyes and not even the tiniest hint of a smirk on his face.
"Nope. Never have. What is it, like the code for rock sizes?" It wasn't, but it was a lot closer than what Clyde was going to spew.
"Rock Law is a code that my people follow. It's a set of rules that any rock farmer, big or small, brown or pink follows above anything else. It's basically the law from where I come from, everything from murder to the angle of my hat and everything in between." Obviously a town within a day’s journey of Ponyville wasn't operating under another legal system, and if they were, it wouldn't be called the rock farmer's equivalent to apple's law, but Rainbow was too intimidated by Clyde to even think about objecting.
"Wow, I can't believe Pinkie never told me about any of them." Rainbow said with genuine shock. With the amount of time Pinkie never closed her mouth, Rainbow was surprised she hadn't heard every detail of her life tenfold.
"Well, they don't come up too often if you’re a good rock farmer at heart. Really the only one to cause much of a ruckus is that a mare can only date somepony with her father's permission." An audible gulp was heard as Rainbow Dash swallowed a lump in her throat.
"This isn't just a quaint rustic story is it?"
"No. It's my way of saying that if you even lay a hoof on her without my permission I will have to enact Rock Law and that means..." Clyde honestly didn't know what it meant. He was still flying by the seat of his non-existent pants. But with Rainbow's plate-sized eyes, he decided to go big. "It means that Pinkie has to live on the farm for a year. With no access to the outside. Or light. And no smiles! I can't believe I forgot that."
Rainbow was shocked. Back on the farm all by herself, and no smiling? Pinkie wouldn't last a week! This Rock Law was terrible. It almost made her want to say that to Clyde, but of course she was still terrified and continued listening intently.
"But, there is a way for you to win my approval."
"What?" Rainbow urgently asked. Clyde usually compared his pranking style to hunting, but with Rainbow it was like shooting fish in a barrel. He could prepare all the bait he needed, but really Rainbow was going to do most of his work for him with her worrying.
"All you have to do is whatever I say for the entire day. It's an ancient rock pony tradition to show respect. But if you fail my inspection, Pinkie's going home with me." Clyde had to kick himself for that one. Even by his standards, “rock pony” was a step too far.
Rainbow didn't seem to notice though. Clyde could almost see the gears grinding in her mind, wondering what to do. On one hoof, she could do nothing and be friends with Pinkie forever. On the other she could risk it all for a shot at love. All the absurdity and pressure of the situation seemed to cancel each other out for a brief moment of clarity.
"I'll do it!" she said, loyal to the end and chest puffed out.
"Perfect," Clyde said. In a softer tone, he added, "Dance my puppet, dance."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
"What's the worst that could happen anyway with your father? He may look tough but he's got a heart of gold."
"Yeah, to you! Don't get me wrong, I love him to bits! But where do you think I learned how to prank? He never misses a chance to prank! Back when I would bring friends home from school he'd tell them that he was a secret agent. When I started coming home late he'd turn off all the lights and act like the family moved. One day when I put a whoopee cushion on his chair he put a trap door under mine! He was great for you because I made him Pinkie swear not to prank you."
"Well, I'm sure Rainbow can handle a few pranks."
"Yeah, maybe..."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
"You do realize I heard you when you said 'dance my puppet, dance', Mr Pie?"
"I'd hope so! Kids today with there loud music can't hear a darn thing I swear. Now put on some soft shoe or Pinkie's coming home with me." Before Rainbow had a chance to think, Clyde put on one of his old records. As the needle hit thread an old-timey tune blared out, and Rainbow awkwardly started shuffling her legs. "C'mon, enchant me with your dancing!"
Rainbow Dash sighed, before going fully into this old time dance routine. She had no idea how stupid she was looking, but she could at least take solace in that she was being heroic. Well, as heroic as she could be while doing soft horseshoe without a dancing bone in her body. Clyde on the other hoof didn't crack a smile even an inch. On the inside, it was a different story.