//------------------------------// // Whuzzisaledder?/ Bureaucratic Woes // Story: A Learning Experience // by Peridork //------------------------------// Ditzy Doo trotted down the main road of Ponyville. Her saddlebags were weighed down with the parcels and letters that ponies sent to their distant relatives. And sometimes there were the other letters... The gray pegasus stopped in front of the last place she expected. True, Sugarcube Corner had plenty of outgoing mail because of Pinkie Pie. But there never seemed to be any mail coming in. She looked down at the letter that would go into the mailbox. It was one of those letters...a government check-up letter. The mailmare quickly stuffed the letter in and ran off as quickly as possible. As she learned from years in the postal service: stay far away from those letters, especially when they involved a certain pink mare. *** Pinkie woke up in her room. It wasn’t like her normal waking up ritual where she first sang a song that praised the sun and laid out her hopes for the day. If she would have to name this feeling, it would be sadciting. She didn’t know why the word fit; it just did. She looked around her room which looked like a storm had hit it. Streamers and confetti loosely draped the walls and the fireplace which was on the opposite wall was full of semi-burned logs. Gummy sat at the end of her bed. “Nope, I don’t know what’s wrong. Must be a real doozy if I have no idea what it was. Oh well. It can’t be all that bad.” Pinkie shook off the last twitches of sleep and cantered happily down to the bakery. She waved to the two baker ponies that had taken her in after she had left her own family. Funny enough, they did look haltingly at the pink pony. Mr. Cake had a letter in his hooves and Mrs. Cake was continuously glancing at the pink pony. Was it something I did? I know that I had a wild party last night, but it wasn’t that bad...right? I did make sure that all the ponies made it home safely and also thought about the music. It wasn’t loud enough to wake the foals. No, it looks worse. Did somepony...nope must not think about sad things Pinkie. Pinkie was tossed out of her thoughts when Mr. Cake turned the sign to Closed. Closed on a day like today, when there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the nearest monster was miles away in the Everfree. It was definitely something very, very bad. Mr. Cake whispered under his breath. “Pinkie...have you ever gone to school?” *** School. Or as my parents called it, ‘a place where tradition is sent away to pasture and the new replaces the old.’ School. I never went to school after I left my parents, and I never was able to go because of the extreme work that a rock farm needs. Breaking rocks. Carrying rocks. We did everything with rocks- besides eating them or sleeping on them. School just wasn’t part of the plan. The closest thing to school was my Granny Pie, but she was old and sometimes forgot where she was. So no I never ‘had an education.’ *** “No.” Pinkie kicked a hoof and tried to think of other things. They never had brought up her education before. They never even asked. “Why now?” Mr.Cake tried to give Pinkie the letter but she batted it away. “Pinkie, the letter’s from the government. They said that now all ponies need a diploma from the nearest school to continue working. They said that these kinds of cases only come up in rare occasions and unluckily enough, you’re one.” Pinkie’s hair deflated immediately. “B-but I don’t wanna go to school. What if I don’t do so well or if ponies won’t like me?” Pinkie was almost inconsolable because she was thinking how difficult it was going to be on her first day. Mr. Cake nudged his wife to make her do something. Finally she held the pink pony in her grip and began trying to calm her down. *** Cheerilee's day wasn’t much better. She had dealt with the normal teaching day. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had got into yet another fight with the CMC and they had to all be sent home just because Filthy Rich had told Cheerilee that his daughter was an angel that could do no wrong. Yeah, can’t wait to see how he takes her teenage years. Cheerilee stood next to her mailbox and got her mail. Trotting inside her house, she finally relaxed and lounged around on her couch. She turned her eyes to the mail and began to flip through them. Junk, junk, letter from relatives- meh, oh what’s this? The earth pony broke the seal on the formal letter from the Bureaucracy of Equestrian Teaching. She began to read it aloud. “Dear Schoolteacher; If you did not hear, recently the government has passed a new law that makes it illegal for anypony to not have a diploma. This does not apply to you personally, but it does apply to a mare named ‘Pinkamena Diane Pie’ and as such we in the B.E.T give you full moral authority to round up the truant mare and place the love of education deep in her heart. Yours Faithfully, Paperwork; Head of the B.E.T” Cheerilee was shocked. “Wait, tomorrow’s Monday and...I need to prepare!” The teacher did not sleep for the rest of the night. Sounds emanated from her small but comfortable home and she tried to plan for everything that Pinkie might do in class, and some that the pink mare wouldn’t try. Preparation was key. *** The sun rose and fillies ran to the schoolhouse in yet another day that seemed like the next. Except that there was a new pink pony that was joining their ranks. Pinkie Pie trudged into the classroom; her saddlebags were filled with the necessary things that a schoolfilly needed. Pencils, pens, papers, books, and even an apple for the teacher. Pinkie sat at her desk and all the fillies and colts stared at her. For once, Pinkie had no words and she sat nervously at her desk. Pinkie stared at the door and was surprised to see Cheerilee walk into the room. Wow. So that’s my teacher. Maybe it won’t be all that bad. The school bell rang and Cheerilee motioned Pinkie up towards the chalkboard. “Hello class, I have an announcement to make. Pinkie Pie will be joining us as a student from this moment forward. I hope all you fillies and colts get along with her.” Cheerilee quickly glanced over to the two fillies she was speaking to in particular. And they were calmly sitting in their seats. Okay...that is definitely new. “Um, Pinkie Pie...I would like you to write your name on the chalkboard for all of your new friends to see.” Cheerilee smiled and waited for Pinkie to start writing. “Uhm, Miss Cheerilee, this might sound a teeny-tiny bit funny but I don’t know how. I never learned...” Cheerilee’s heart felt like it fell out of her chest. This is most definitely something I didn’t plan for. Pinkie slowly walked back to her seat. Her hair became limp when she finally sat down. Nopony dared to say anything, because they were all shocked by Pinkie’s reply. Cheerilee’s mind raced to find a way to fix this. “Okay, class, I believe a refresher course on how to write neatly and precisely using your mouth is in order. Don’t you class?” The foals nodded dumbly.