//------------------------------// // Part 1B - DASH! Saviour of the Universe! // Story: Error 404 - Pony Not Found // by Suke //------------------------------// Part 1B: DASH! Saviour of the Universe! And so, they partied into the day! Much different from the usual time of day one parties into, but fun nonetheless. Vinyl had been pulled from nowhere to supply some music. Twilight danced her terrible dance moves, Berry and Cliff were drunkenly making out, Pinkie and Fluttershy were giggling about one thing or another. Poor Rarity had gone too far and was snoring on a couch, Spike keeping a watchful eye on her as he danced with Twilight. Last but not least, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were having an unofficial drinking contest. Simply put, if one finished a drink, the other would down the rest of theirs. Being an Earth Pony, AJ could handle such an activity. Rainbow Dash on the other hand... “Ya know!? At firft, Ah di’n’ believe it... bu’ now... I wea’ise... I wou’n’t efen KNOW! Ah on’y jus’ awwifed in Eq’estia baaaaack then too!” (You know!? At first, I didn’t believe it... but now... I realise... I wouldn’t even KNOW! I only just arrived in Equestria back then too!) Even with the music, which was admittedly not that loud, every ear in the room swivelled in RD’s direction. The music screeched to a stop. “WHAT!?” Dash yelled, “Wha’ are ya lugin’ ah!?” (What are you looking at!?) AJ put a hoof on Dash’s back. “They can’t help it sugarcube... not after what you just said.” The drunk mare tried to remember what it was, and just barely scraped it together in her mind. Upon realising what she’d done, Dash sobered quite quickly. “Aw fuck!” “Don’t you mean ‘buck’, Rainbow?” Twilight asked, pedantic as always, even with curse words. “No, I really do mean ‘fuck’,” she sighed, “You may have already guessed, but... like with Glitchie Pie and Flutterling, I am not the real Rainbow Dash. Well, I am her. It’s just... ugh!” Not-RD produced a photograph, and all the others grouped up around it to get a good look; except Vinyl, who just stood at her DJ set. The picture was of a strange, tanned, mostly hairless (assumed, what with it wearing clothes) bipedal creature. Its mane was similar to that of Rainbow Dash’s, but you could just make out that it was a wig and some brown was sticking out from under it. In the creature’s arms was a little filly Rainbow Dash, looking happy as ever. The two were sat on a large bed, posters with a language they didn’t understand covered the wall behind them, and the floor was covered in clothes. Whatever this creature was, it sure was a messy one. Cliff was the first to ask, “What is that thing holding you?” “That’s actually me... My real name is, or was,” Not-RD took a deep breath, “Lorraine Bowem Gordon.” “That still doesn’t answer my question.” “Oh, yes, you’re right. I was a Human, or Homosapien if you want to get fancy. That photo was taken on the Human world of Earth.” Twilight scratched her chin. “You do bear a similarity to Diamond Dogs, though considerably less hairy... what about the smell?” “Some men do smell like them when they forget their deodorant, but in general, we smell nice enough.” After that, nopony made a sound, looking awkwardly between ‘Lorraine’ and the photo. Eventually, Flutterling spoke up, “Erm... would you mind telling us what happened to the real Rainbow Dash?...” It all started in my Senior Year at college. I’d drop names of places and the like, but they mean nothing to you guys, so all you need to know is that the country was called the United States of America. Over there, it was illegal to drink alcohol before the age of 21. Handily, I had in fact recently turned 21, and was on my way to the best Off-License in town, literally known as ‘The Beer Shop’. It was a quaint little store where the gal at the counter was always high on something or other, or so I was told. I’d only been there once before, and there had been a VERY sober fellow giving my ID the third degree. If he’d told me it was fake, I was gonna- Cliff sighed. “As much as I don’t like keeping to the cliche of comically interrupting flashbacks, please get on with it.” Fluttershy concurred. “Yes, get on with it... please.” Glitchie gasped, anticipating something... that never came. “Awwww.” “Alright, alright, sorry. I didn’t exactly look twenty one or over. It didn’t help my chest wasn’t that big either...” The weather was quite glorious, cloudless and sunny. I should probably add that Earth weather does its own thing, without help from Pegasi. Also, there are no Unicorns nor Pegasi, and Ponies aren’t as intelligent, incapable of speech, and lack the bright colours. Oddly enough, there was a rainbow in the sky, one end landing right behind the Beer Shop, but no rain to make it. The reason behind it would be found inside. I stepped inside, instantly greeted by the smell of marijuana. It was almost like a solid wall of poisonous fumes. The source was stood at the counter looking so out of it I was surprised she was standing at all. Her name badge read ‘Cerman Sendiago’. An odd name for a chick, but before I could voice that thought, a loud crash was heard in the back room. I looked to see how Cerman would react, but she just carried on staring into the store, not focused on anything in particular. How she caught the frequent wannabe shoplifters I’ll never know. I moved towards the door that lead into the back, pointing to it and saying, “I’ll er... just go check on that, shall I?” I took her lack of reply as agreement and cautiously opened the door. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first, except for the knocked over crates of various alcohols, their contents conveniently kept contained. I gave the area one last glance over, talking to myself, “Booze, booze, booze, hoof, booze, boo- wait, what?” A drugged up slur came from the store area, “Oh great. Now people are going to complain about the horsemeat here too.” “What are you on abo-” The hoof twitched, “Holy crap it’s still alive!” I dived forward and lifted the crates atop the hoof as fast as I could. Connected to the hoof I found a little filly; Rainbow Dash. At the time though, I didn’t know who she was, or really understand WHAT she was. All I saw was a nameless, hurt, scared little foal.... that just so happened to have wings, multi-coloured hair, and a bright cerulean blue coat... all three of these additional facts differing greatly from the Equine norm that I had grown to know. “Hey there little... girl... I think?” I wasn’t exactly specialised in identifying the genders of animals without checking the... ‘biological cheat sheet’, and I refused to go looking there. The filly squeaked, and tried to shuffle backwards, but the crates behind her blocked the way. It began speaking in some language I’d never heard before. This was a surprise as I was studying Linguistics. I decided to use charades while I spoke, in an attempt to convey some of my words’ meanings, “Don’t be frightened… I’m not gonna hurt ya…” I sat down. “I want to help you…” Little Dashie seemed to calm down enough to stop trying to get away, but she still look scared. “My name… is Lorraine… Luh… Rain…” The filly cottoned on fast, repeating my name as best she could, “Luhrain… ” “Good… what’s yours?” “Rainbow Dash…” I found it odd that for a language completely foreign to me, the name was clearly english. However, that wasn’t important at the time. “Ok Rainbow Dash… Nice to meet you…” Slowly, I reached out a hand to shake. Rainbow stared at it curiously at first, but eventually held up an adorable little hoof. I took the hoof gently and gave it a light shake. Dash smiled, recognising the action as a greeting. A smile spread on my face too. “Now, Rainbow Dash, I think we should take you somewhere a little more comfortable and private, don’t you?” It was clear Dash didn’t understand me, but she didn’t complain when I picked her up and and held her like a pet. “It’s only a short walk, but the sights may be strange to you… I’ll be with you all the way though. Now,” I held in front of me, so she could see me briefly hold my breath. “Hold your breath now.” Rainbow mimicked me and held her breath. I quickly carried her out of the store room, through the fumey store and out the front door. It wasn’t hard to tell RD to breath again. After that, we strolled briskly back to my apartment. “I don’t mean to rush you sugarcube, and your story telling is good and all, but half of us are already kinda tired… could you cut to how you came to replace Rainbow, Miss Lorraine?” Lorraine only had to glance around the room to see what AJ was talking about, with Spike now curled up next to Rarity, and Fluttershy’s eyelids were drooping. Cliff and Berry weren’t too far off from sleeping either. “I guess the whole bonding thing is kind of unnecessary.” Pinkie frowned, “Ooooooo, the readers aren’t gonna like that.” Well, all I shall say is that we did indeed bond. I used my Linguistics knowledge to learn enough Equestrian to get by, having easier conversations with Rainbow Dash. That photo was after I randomly spotted the wig in a shop window. It made us both laugh. After a couple of weeks though, it became apparent that Rainbow couldn’t live in my stuffy, messy apartment. She was a Pegasus after all. We started looking into getting her back home. It didn’t take too long, as that mysterious rainbow from the day we met kept appearing in the same place at the same time on a daily basis. Not only that, but the government were now looking into the phenomenon. For some reason, they hadn’t closed down The Beer Shop, but that would just make it easier to get inside. I had Rainbow climb into my rucksack and pretend to be a plushie, and headed straight for the store. It was going well, walking past all the government agents snooping around. We were only a few steps from the door when Dash gave off a cute sneeze. This would have been fine at first, as the nearest agents all blessed me. Then they saw little Dashie wiping her nose. “STOP RIGHT THERE!” they all shouted, guns pointed at us. I put my hands behind my head, and Rainbow followed suit as I commented, “Well that escalated quickly.” A few of the guards chuckled at my quote, and I used that brief lapse in attention to run for the door. Bullets were fired, but none hit me. I made it inside and made a beeline for the store room. As soon as I entered, a bright rainbow coloured portal appeared. “Well, here’s you ride Dash,” I said in Equestrian. While taking the bag off of my shoulders, I noticed Rainbow was coughing a lot. Upon seeing her, I knew the problem. There was a hole in my bag, and Dash was coughing up blood. Quickly yet carefully I pulled her out of the rucksack. The wound was right in the chest. “Oh Shit. Shit, shit, shit… What do I do? What do I do!?” I put Dash down and she tried to stand, only to collapse. “Oh Celestia! You need help!” “Just *cough* throw me *cough cough* through.” “But you said you were flying when it happened… you’ll fall!” Just then, a cannister smashed through the window, spewing some kind of smoke, most likely tear gas. Cerman screamed. The woman had stayed camped out in the store ever since the first agent showed up. I had no idea why she was against them seeing her. “Fuuuuuuuuck…” I looked back and forth, between cannister, filly and portal. Rainbow’s coughs got worse. “Oh, DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!” Grabbing Rainbow, I leaped through the portal. Everything was a blur. There was pain, there was ecstasy, there was numbness. Next thing I knew, I was flying through the air as Rainbow Dash, Sonic Rainboom exploding behind me. I could feel her consciousness mixed in with mine, but it soon faded, leaving me alone with her body, my own nowhere to be seen. “And there you have it… I managed to learn the Equestrian language pretty quick from there...” Twilight looked grim, but the smiled when she realised something, “So, like Flutterling and Glitchie Pie, the Rainbow Dash we’ve all come to know was always you? Lorraine you, I mean.” “Well, yeah, but still, I’ve been lying to you all this time.” Applejack hugged her friend, “Rainbow, I’m the Element of Honesty, so I know my lies, and that wasn’t really a lie. You ARE Rainbow Dash. At the same time, you’re also Lorraine Bowem Gordon.” “You’re Dash Gordon!” Glitchie shouted, waking up the sleepers. “And you saved everyone of us!” Dash smirked, “I guess I did in the end… Awesome.” Fluttershy yawn, followed by Cliff and Berry, and then by Rarity and Spike. By the DJ set, another Rarity commented on the tired harmony, “I think it’s time we all went home, don’t you darlings?” Silence fell over the dead party. Head turned to Pinkie. “Don’t look at me; I didn’t do it.” All of a sudden, the Library door was swung open and an exhausted, panting Sweetie Belle wobbled inside. She closed the door and held up a hoof to stop anypony from talking while she caught her breath. With one last pant, Sweetie look over her audience, raised a hoof as if to hold up a finger, and said, “I can explain.”