//------------------------------//
// Equestrian Idiot 
// Story: Bucking Bronies  
// by Kiwi-Brony 
//------------------------------//

I sighed after yelling at Twilight, she was such a worry wart, not to say I wasn't but I tried to keep it to myself. This whole experience was quickly getting out of hand, Alex and I were terrorists, people in suits were trying to kill us and above all else a powerful corporate entity was manipulating the entire thing. It just didn't seem real but I decided it was best not to doubt anything at the moment. 
I snuggled into bed, closed my eyes and started to drift off to sleep. . .or I would have if I didn't have a sudden urge to jump up and down.
"Shit." 
It was that moment where you try to sleep but you're not tired anymore, what was worse was that I somehow got the energy to do something. I sat up and stared into the night. What was I to do, a man who was alone in his room full of energy and stress. I sighed as no ideas came to mind. It was then I noticed a lack of pink.
"Pinkie Pie?" I said, looking around. I stood up and made my way around the room. I noticed that the bathroom door was closed and a light came from underneath it. I knocked and waited for a reply but none came. 
I opened the door and walked in, there was no sign of Pinkie but the bath was full of water. I raised a brow and turned around.
"HI!" Said a blur of Pink.
"Gah, Fuck!" Pinkie had jumped out of no where and scared the living shit out of me, I fell backwards and landed in the bath. Water landed everywhere and I was soaked. I growled to myself. I sighed and got myself out of the bath, oddly I wasn't angry with Pinkie, infact I kinda felt like laughing. It left me mildly confused as I started to dry myself off. 
"Sorry bout that Tommy!" Pinkie said with a grin. 
"No. . .it's ok, I guess." I smiled a little. "What were you doing in here?"
"Having a bath." Pinkie said walking up to the bath. She started to stir the water with her hoof. "But it looks like you had it for me." She giggled.
"You're welcome." I said with a small chuckle. Thats what Pinkie and I did for the next fifteen minutes, make lame jokes, water puns and have a water fight making us laugh in hysterics. When we finally stopped we were lying on the bathroom floor sopping wet and giggling like school girls. 
"I don't even remember the last time I laughed like that." I said through breaths.
"It's great isn't it!" Pinkie said waving her hooves in the air. 
"Yeah." I sighed and stared at the ceiling.
"Something wrong?" Pinkie asked rolling on her belly to look at me better.
"Everything." I said in reply. "I mean this entire trip is a disaster, nothing has gone right for us since we landed. Why would they try to destroy us? Are we that much of a threat?" I was about to continue but I felt Pinkies hoof on my shoulder. I looked at her and she smiled back. 
Nothing needed to be said, she was there for me and that was what I really needed right now, a good friend. With the others asleep it was more than I could of asked for at that moment. 
We got up off the floor, dryed ourselves off and cleaned the bathroom. Pinkie sung a song about it but for the most part it went off without a bang. After we were done in the bathroom we collapsed on the bed and just lay there in a warm silence. I was still not sleepy enough yet and I hit my head on the bed hoping I would knock myself out. . .it didn't work. Thoughts crossed my mind and I tired to ignore them as best as I could, I was on the edge of achieving an empty mind when a small but important question came to my head. 'Why me?'
The question plagued me, was something other than Pervus Corp manipulating these events? In reality, the gun powder in our living room should of ignited and either exploded or burnt out. But it didn't, instead it created an interupting portal. One that not only intercepted Pervus' portal but activated at the same time as two other portals. Making four in total.
"You should stop thinking so hard Tommy." Pinkie said rolling around on the bed. 
"And why not?" 
"You could strain your brain!" Pinkie shuffled her way over to me and started to poke my forehead. "We need that brain for tomorrow."
I swatted her hoof away. "Right. . ." A minute passed and now I was dead bored. "Now what am I supposed to do?" I started to roll. 
"We could have a laughing contest!" Pinkie gasped with excitement. 
"First one to laugh loses." I said with a smirk on my face. 
"OK!" 
We both took serious looks and stared each other down, before both of us burst into laughter. I laughed so hard I fell off the bed. I tried to suppress it as best as I could but it started to hurt. When I took control of my lungs I gasped for air. Pinkie was more or less in the same predicament, though she hiccupped inbetween her giggles. 
"I don't think we should try that again." I said, picking myself up off the floor.
"Aww but that was fun!" Pinkie said then hiccuped
"I know but I think if I laugh anymore I will explode."
"How about a staring contest instead?"
"I don't see why not I mea- wait a minute last time I stared into your eyes I was thrown into your world." I folded my arms.
"Oh yeah. . .you wana go again?" She beamed at me.
"Why would I want to go?" I said with a shrug.
"Because maybe it would impress Chris."
I paused and thought about it for a second then shook my head. "I-I can't do it just for him."
"Why not?" 
"It doesn't have any purpose."
"Purpose shurpose!" Pinkie exclaimed. "You like him don't you? Just go for it, bring him back something from my world!"
"Huh, I think you just gave me a reason to go." I paused for a minute. "This may be a bad idea,  but perhaps I could ask for help. You know, tell people where you are. Get a message to your Princess."
"Yeah! Then she could come here and we will have a massive party!" Pinkie jumped in the air but when she landed she had a serious look on her face. "You must remember that when you go, you have a limited amount of time before you can return. I say about three hours."
"What?" I looked at Pinkie. "Then what do I do?"
"I will pull you back when your time is up." A warm grin appeared on her face. "When you want to be seen just think solid!" She looked down for a second. "Tell Mrs and Mr Cakes that I am alright and take care of Gummy until I get back oh and Pearl. It is also a good idea to tell the others what is happening."
Before I could react she tackled me to the ground and stared into my eyes, those blue eyes started to become hazy and I felt myself being cast into the void, darkness swallowed me and I knew when I was embraced by light again I would be in Equestria.
~ ~ ~
Lyra was walking through Ponyville with her marefriend Bon-Bon, the recent disappearance of the Elements of Harmony had left a gap within the community, there was no one to help them when the town was in serious trouble. So for the past couple of days Lyra, Bon-Bon and other ponies had been trying to fill the niche left by the elements. They had been somewhat successful at keeping the peace, it certainly helped that nothing major had happened.
"It's such a good day." Bon-Bon said looking around. 
"Yep." Lyra replied smiling at her marefriend.
"Hopefully nothing goes wrong today."
Lyra chuckled. "Well we already had that moment earlier today when Spike had lost his best quill. So the trouble quota should be full for today." 
Bon-Bon let out a giggle. "Your right." 
They continued on the path, saying hello to passing ponies. It was when they turned the corner and heard a scream coming from Sugar Cube Corner. They looked at each other then started to run towards the building. By the time they had arrived there was a small crowd gathering around the building.
"What's going on?" Lyra asked as she joined the crowd. 
"Don't know." Said Daisy. "All I heard was a scream and a commotion coming from inside. Mayor Mare asked no one to enter."
Lyra looked over at Bon-Bon then smiled a little. "I guess spike's quill wasn't the quota for today."
Bon-Bon chuckled and followed Lyra as she moved forward. "You have to admit that quill was a little too easy."
"Heh. . .a girl can dream." Lyra approached Mayor Mare and smiled at her. "Whats the situation?"
"Oh hello Lyra, we aren't exactly sure. All we know is that Mr and Mrs Cake are locked inside with something, if you want to go in I would ask you wait for Big Macintosh."
"Big Mac? Is it that dangerous?"
The mayor sighed. "We don't know. We haven't even seen Mr and Mrs Cake." 
Lyra was about to say something when something crashed inside the bakery. There was some yelling then finally the door swung open. But instead of Mr or Mrs cake a bipedal creature rushed out quickly, slamming the door behind it. 
It's breaths were heavy and it was shaking. He stared at the crowd of ponies all of whom were staring at this thing. "She's a bit cross at the moment."
The Ponies started to scream, Lyra watched as they started to run in a blind panic even Bon-Bon was begining to back away. For Lyra her instinct told her to run but something made her stay, she looked on the creature and then her mind started to piece things together. 
"You're a human!" She said, a smile making it's way on to her face.
"What!?" Bon-Bon and the Mayor said in unison.
"Oh! You must be Lyra. Twilight told me about a pony here interested in humans or something. " The human said in reply. 
Before anyone could say anything the human was pushed away by the door being bucked off its hinges. The human was thrown in the air and landed in a heap nearly on the other side of the street.  
"Ow." The human stood up and shook his head. "I hope I don't suffer brain damage from this ordeal." 
Mrs. Cake came stomping with a rolling pin in her mouth, she was followed closely by her husband. "How did you get into her room!?" Her voice boomed.
"Whoes room!?" The human yelled right back. 
"Mrs. Cake wait!" Lyra yelled.
"Mrs. Cake?" The human looked at Lyra then at the pony coming at him. "W-Wait Pinkie Pie sends a message!"
Mrs. Cake  stopped in her track on hearing Pinkies name. Lyra noticed that other ponies had heard what this creature said. Big Macintosh had arrivied in time to hear this too. 
"She says that she is alright, and to take care of Gummy and Pearl until she gets back." 
The rolling pin dropped from Mrs. Cakes mouth. "Her pet Alligator and the party cannon." She said under her breath. "How would this thing know about them?"
"The same goes for Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash." The human continued. "They are with me and my friends."
Even through Big Macintosh's indifferent demenour you could see he was more relaxed, Sweetie Bell popped up from the crowd, her parents behind her. "What about my sister!?"
"Sister?" The human looked confused.
"Rarity!" Sweetie Bell yelled.
The human stopped and stared at the filly. "Rarity is your sister?"
Sweetie Bell nodded.
"She. . .she is in danger as well as Fluttershy." He looked down and stared at the ground.
There was a collective gasp from the group. 
"Danger?" Lyra said. "How is she in danger?"
"A group of humans have Rarity and Fluttershy for an unknown purpose, but I doubt it is good. I have come here to give you the message and to warn the Princess that her Elements of Harmony are in danger."
There was only silence. No pony spoke, they were all thinking about what Rarity and Fluttershy must be going through. 
"There is some good news though." The human spoke up. 
Everyone in attendance stared at him and he could feel their hope and apprehension.
"My friends and I, some other humans who are helping us and the remaining elements of harmony, are in the process of attempting a rescue. Though recently it seems that we are dealing with a far graver threat than we originaly thought, it's all very confusing and maybe cliche."
Lyra stared at the human then looked at Bon-Bon. "Honey please go get Spike."
"Lyra?" Bon-Bon stared at the green unicorn. 
"Please." 
"Only for you." 
They shared a small smile as Bon-Bon walked towards the libary.
"So what's your name human?" Lyra walked towards the stranger.
"Oh right, I'm Thomas, though you can call me Tom."
"Tom. . ." Lyra tried the new word on her tongue. 
"So is that your girlfriend or something?" Tom asked.
"Who. . .Bon-Bon?"
Thomas nodded. 
"W-Well yeah."
"Hmm. . .I really don't know how to tell if ponies are hot or not. . .is she good looking to a pony?"
"She is a very good looking pony!" Lyra looked over Thomas. "Are you a good looking human?"
Thomas shrugged. "Average really." He looked around. "So are all the other ponies just glued where they stand?"
The others that had been watching all of a sudden felt very self concious and started to walk in random directions, stealing the occasional look at the freak. All that remained were those who were closest to the Elements, a grey mare with a blonde mane, a brown colt with a somewhat spiky mane (Which reminded Tom of somebody.) and Lyra.
"Whoa!" 
Thomas turned to see the purple dragon he noted in his last vist. "Spike correct?"
"How'd ya know?" 
"Lucky guess."
Lyra chuckled and rejoined Bon-Bon's side. "That didn't take long."
"Thank Celestia he wasn't asleep." Bon-Bon said with a cheeky grin.
"So how about we get out of the open? I don't like the stares I'm getting." Tom said looking around at the Ponies glaring at him. 
"Righto!" Mr. Cake said with a smile. "We can talk in our Bakery."
The Ponies filed behind the cakes as they lead them inside the bakery with Tom behind them. They all jumped and turned when they heard a thump, Tom had whacked into the door way.
"OW!" He started to curse under his breath. 
"You ok?" The grey mare asked. 
"I'm fine. . .thanks."
"No problem. I know what it's like." 
They all piled into the kitchen and found places to stand or sit. Spike had brought a piece of parchment and a quill. Bon-Bon and Lyra noticed that it was the one they had found that morning. 
"So I guess I better learn your names." Tom said with a smile. 
Everyone looked at each other before Lyra spoke up. "Well, err, you already know I'm Lyra and you know Bon-Bon."
Tom nodded and then looked over at the big red pony. 
The red pony tilted his head. "Mah name is Big Macintosh, but yall can call me Big Mac."
"Definitely Applejacks brother." Tom said with a smile. "Pleasure to meet you."
Big Mac gave a small smile then looked to the grey mare. She blinked and looked around. "Is it my turn?" A massive grin appared on her face. "My names is Ditzy Doo aka Derpy Hooves."
"Aka Derpy Hooves?"
She nodded frantically. "Aye! It's because I hang out with Professor Whooves so much! Also I am quite clumsy." 
"Ditzy, it is Doctor. . .Doctor." The brown colt said with a billiant British accent.
"Whoopsie, sorry doc." Ditzy said rubbing the back of her head.
"Wait. . .Doctor Whooves?" 
"Precisely." The Doctor said with a proud grin.
Tom started to laugh.
"Is something funny?"
"Nothing." Tom said shaking his head. "You just remind me of somebody."
"Is that so?" The doctor smiled. "Well he has to be a good sort of chap."
Tom nodded and looked at the others. 
"Mah name's Applebloom, Applejack's sister."
"My name is Scootaloo. Rainbow Dash's biggest fan!"
"I'm Sweetie Bell." 
They all shouted at the same time. "AND TOGETHER WE ARE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!"
"What the hell was that?" Tom said staring in disbelief at the trio.
"It's their thing." Ditzy said with a shrug. "They are trying to find thier cutie marks."
"I can't believe they lost them." A sly grin appared on his face. The lame joke brought on a bout of laughter from all the Ponies.  
"Haha that was good, but now I think you owe us an explantion." Lyra said.
"Well it's a long story, but it started around a week ago. . ."
- - -
". . .and so Pinkie tackled me to the ground and sent me here with the objective of retrieving an item for Chris, to pass on this information to your princess and to tell you about your friends and family."
Everyone remained silent taking in all the information that had been presented to them. The doctor was the first one to speak. "Well that was certainly a most interesting tale."
"I try my best." Tom said with a shrug.
Spike was still scribbling down Tom's tale then made one last dot before looking up. "All done."
Lyra smiled. "Good. You want to send anything else to the Princess?"
Tom looked up in a moment of thought. "Not really, maybe to tell her to prepare for the worst."
"The worst?" Mr. Cakes said.
Tom nodded. "There is a chance. . .a pretty big one. That my friends and I fail and that what ever Malik is planning could succeed." 
"Don't speak like that!" Shouted Ditzy.  
"I have to, realistically we have no chance of victory." Tom sighed. "But I won't give up, not now that we have come so far." He grinned. "If anything I am going to make it very difficult for them."
The ponies stared at him. "Why would you do this?" Bon-Bon asked.
"Well I made a promise, stupid of me really. I had no idea of what was coming." He chuckled a little. "They say that fools rush in." He was silent for a minute before taking a breath. "Oh well, no point dwelling on it eh." 
Spike tilted his head. "You'll get them back right?"
Tom stayed silent and looked out the window. Spike was about to speak again when a knock on the door was heard.
Mr. Cakes went to the front of the shop where he gasped rather loudly. Mrs. Cakes walked out  and also made a loud gasp.
The rest of the group walked out and some almost collapsed in shock. Mayor Mare had a nervous smile on her face as she stood on the other side of the door, standing ethier side of her was Princess Celestia and Luna.
All the ponies and spike bowed. Tom however just walked to the door and opened it. "Hello?"
"So you're our new vistor. Welcome to Equestria I am Princess Celestia." She tilted her head towards the human.  "This is my sister Princess Luna."
"Charmed." Luna said without emotion.
"Huh. . .thats funny, we were just about to send a letter to you."
"Show some respect!" The Mayor barked. 
"Mate this is as good as it's going to get." Tom said looking at the Mayor. 
The mayor was about to say something but Celestia spoke first. "I must say it is oddly refreshing to be treated like this."
"What? Treated like a normal person. . .err pony?" Tom thought for a minute. "Huh that's really weird to think, to be honest I am surprised your actually a horse." Tom noted the horn and wings. "I imagined you as just a normal pony with an oversized crown or something."
Luna looked mildly amused while Celestia started to laugh. "You have a good imagination." Celestia said. 
Tom smiled a little. "So you going to come in?" He looked at Spike. "He has your letter." Tom stood aside to let the Princess' and the Mayor in.
Soon both Luna and Celestia had read the notes taken by Spike. "Oh my. . .this is certainly some terrible news."
Luna remained in a state of indifference, her thoughts were difficult to read let alone her feelings.
"Is there anything you can do Princess?" Spike asked.
"I don't know. . .it sounds like this 'Pervus Corporation' is a powerful entity." She looked over at Tom who nodded in agreement. "Diplomacy may not be an option at present." 
"It never was." Luna spoke up which caught the attention of everyone in the room. "By the sounds of it they have been planning this for a long time indeed." 
Celestia shook her head. "I wish it wasn't so, but my sister is correct."
"So. . .what?" Tom asked looking between the two.
"By ponynapping our Elements of Harmony, Pervus Corporation has effectively declared war on the Principality of Equestria." Luna said, Though her voice was steady her eyes lit up in a cold fire. 
All the other ponys gasped and Spike fainted. Tom stared at Luna in wide disbelief. "War!? Are you insane!?"
Luna stood up. "You should be thanking us. You are now not alone against this threat."
"You can't win! Pervus has a contract with the United States military. That means you would be declaring full on war with one of the most powerful countries on Earth!" He growled. "Besides how can you get to Earth?"
Luna stared Tom down. "I am an Alicorn. . .my magic is far more powerful than what you realise." 
"Wait. . .you can open a portal to Earth?"
"I can look for it's lay lines yes, after which I connect a bea-"
"Yes yes, I bet it's all very fascinating." Tom looked down in thought. 
Celestia stood next to her sister. "What do you suggest?"
"No one will win in a war between Earth and Equestria. . .however having some back-up on this side would be good, if Malik plans to open a portal to Equestria you can interupt it, or even better send your own troops through and beat him to the punch."
Luna stared at Tom, her eyes like daggers but then she took a breath and the fire disappeared. "It will serve us better not to commit to war, I however still plan to vist your realm to find and free the Elements."
"Fair enough." Tom looked at a nearby clock. "Man I need to find Chris something."
"Chris. . .is this the colt you have feelings for?" Luna asked. 
Celestia surpressed a giggle. 
"I. . .I, that is to say. . .he isn't a colt." Tom said giving up. 
"Then the male you have feelings for." Luna corrected. 
"Yeah." Tom smiled a little. "It feels a little good saying it out loud. I'll have to thank Pinkie when I get back." He then rubbed the back of his head. "But what the hell do I get him?"
"You can take things back with you?" Big Mac spoke up. 
"I surppose so, I mean Pinkie put me here to grab a gift."
"Then can ya wait while I go get something for Applejack?"
"I guess so."
Big Mac and Applebloom left and soon the other Ponies close to the Elements left to get things for the Elements of Harmony, Spike follwed suit.
Celestia, Luna, Lyra and Bon-Bon remained. 
Lyra took this opportunity to ask some questions. "So what's it like on Earth?"
"Depends. . .it is a planet of varried environments. I assume Equestria is the same."
"It is." Luna replied.
"So what other species are there?" Lyra continued. 
"Plenty. Though none come close to humans. In fact you're the only other species I know of that could rival human intelligence."
"Wow." Lyra said. "Really?" 
Tom nodded. "Yep." 
Lyra was about to ask more questions but then the Cakes came down the stairs with a trunk full of Pinkies things. At almost the same time Sweetie Bell and her parents walked in with some of Rarity's things.
"Oh. . .well, I hope Pinkie can bring these things through." Tom rubbed the back of his head. 
After that Spike arrived with a wagon full of books and paper, along with some ink wells and quills. "I thought Twilight would like some 'light reading material'." Spike said with a small smile. 
"Right. . .I would hate to see what she reads when she is serious."
"It can be. . .horrifying." Spike said with a shudder.
After Spike was done with loading the books in a pile a small conversation broke out between Tom, Luna and Lyra. The latter two were interested in Earth. Tom tried his best to answer the questions thrown at him and soon he parried with questions about Equestria. 
"So this. . .'Chris'. . .you wish to court him?" Luna asked. 
"If by court you mean date. . .then yes." 
"Why not just ask him?" Bon-Bon asked, interupting what Lyra was going to say.
"It's. . .well I could, it is that simple but I just made it complicated."
"Then make it uncomplicated." Luna said. 
Mrs. Cakes had served tea and scones. Tom chuckled to himself as he looked at the plate then looked at Luna. "Is pony dating and human dating so different?"
"I wouldn't know." Luna said. 
"I wouldn't think so." Lyra said. "I asked Bon-Bon out only after I worked up the nerve and that took months."
"Aww really?" Bon-Bon said, a warm smile appearing on her face.
Lyra's cheeks turned a light shade of pink prompting chuckles from the group.
The door bell rung as Applebloom walked into the store followed by Big Mac who carried a small bag in his mouth. He then put the bag on the pile of things that had grown in the corner of the room. Tom stared at the small moutain and titled his head in thought. 
"So anything for Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash?"
There was silence in the room before Mrs. Cakes spokes up. "I'll get something for the dearies."
Tom raised a brow but said nothing further. He just found it odd that those two had no one close to them in the town.
"Human. . ." Luna started. "Your time is almost up."
"Well, Alicorn. What can I get my. . ."
"Crush?" Lyra said.
"True Love?" Bon-Bon added.
"Mate. . ." Big Mac said.
". . .er I was going to say friend." Tom was about to speak again when he shuddered, a massive chill went up his spine. "What the hell was that?"
"Time to go Tommy!" Pinkie shouted in Toms head. 
"Well, looks like I have to go. Next time I'm here I'll have to get Chris something nice." Tom  smiled as he started to fade. "Catch you on the other side. . .Princess." He then faded from the room as did all the luggage and personal stuff for the Elements.
Celestia smiled and stared at the spot where Tom stood. "Well that was most certainly an intresting experience, though I must admit a little morbid."
Lyra giggled in glee. "I can't believe humans are real!" She stood up on her hind legs and clapped.
The others began to talk amongst themselves while Luna walked out of the bakery and looked towards the sky. Much was still to happen before the sun rose next, much was to be planned and much was to be lost.



(A/N: I'm back, sorry for the wait but it took awhile to set up the internet. Good news though I have given my editor the previous chapters of BB and hopefully I will get them back sooner rather than later. In other news I have several ideas for different stories, but I am already thinking of a sequel for BB, what do you think? Or by the way. . .I missed you!)