Vance, Parker, and Swarm stared at Uris, barely able to believe what they’d just heard. The pilot and his six pony friends just grinned back, except for Fluttershy, who had taken to relaxing on Uris’s lap while he stroked her mane. After a while with nothing but the sound of the Humvee’s engine as it rumbled along, Vance spoke: “‘Friendship is Magic, Motherbucker?’”
“It…uh…” Uris sighed sheepishly. “It seemed much cooler while I was saying it.”
“Holy God,” Parker said. “When did you decide to become a hero in a cheesy, 80’s action flick?”
“Probably around the same time you accepted a mission to venture forth into a land populated by adorable cartoon ponies in order to defend them from terrorists or whatever,” Uris replied.
“Touché.”
Immediately, Rainbow Dash darted up into Uris’ face. “Who you callin’ adorable, huh?” She demanded.
“Well, of course there are exceptions to the rule,” Uris replied flatly.
“You’re darn right,” she replied, floating back down to the vehicle’s floor and resting confidently. “Everypony knows I’m just way too awesome to be adorable!”
Without warning, Swarm reached down and scratched at a spot right on top of her scalp, just between the ears. “Hey, what’re you…” Dash started, and then her head tilted back, a big, contented smile on her face as she leaned against his leg, nuzzling gently. After a few moments, she snapped back to her senses and slapped his hand away. He backed off and raised his hands, grinning knowingly. “Dinner and a movie first, bub,” she said icily. “I don’t go that far with anypony on the first date.”
“Woah,” Applejack said. “First y’all get Pinkie t’shut up, then y’get Rainbow to show her cute an’ sensitive side. Y’all sure humans ain’t magic?”
“Very,” Uris said, still stroking Fluttershy’s mane.
“One thing I still don’t get,” Parker said. “You just told us everything you remember since waking up in Miss Fluttershy’s cottage. You still haven’t told us how you managed to get out of that helicopter alive.”
“Um…” Uris’s brow furrowed, his eyes closing in frustration. “I…I don’t know. I…I keep running through it in my head but…”
“Um…all I know is that I found him with some weird cloth around him…just, so everypony knows.” Fluttershy said quietly.
“The parachute,” Parker said. “That explains how you got to the ground in one piece, but Bannon says he couldn’t even get you out of your seatbelt. How on Earth did you escape the chopper?”
“I…I remember that.” Uris gasped. “Yeah, the Lieutenant was there, he was trying to get my seatbelt off. He was about to just whip out his knife and slice it and…”
“Yes?” Everyone in the Humvee leaned forward expectedly.
“There was… a flash of light. Something…something smashed through the canopy. It pulled Bannon right out, it…”
“It…pulled him?” Parker asked, not even noticing as Swarm shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“Yeah, something grabbed him…a hand…an arm, I…I couldn’t see him too good…I…” he sighed. “I’m sorry. It gets really fuzzy after that.”
“No worries, son,” Vance said. “Odds are you took a hit to the head after that. Probably crossed a few wires upstairs. We’ll getcha checked out once we get the MASH setup.”
“Thanks, Dad. But now it’s just frustrating me, I mean…it’s like…” he cradled his head in his hands. “It’s like something doesn’t want me to…”
Suddenly, the car screeched to a stop. “We’re there already?” Parker asked.
“That was fast. Ah thought Coltton was a lot further away.” AJ added.
“My teleportation spell must have taken us further than I thought,” Twilight said, scratching at her chin while Vance hopped out of the cab to see what was going on.
“Uh oh, I know that look,” Dash sighed. “Miss Brainiac’s got something on her mind.”
“Whatsamatter, sugar cube?” AJ asked.
“That name…Coltton…” Twilight’s brows furrowed in thought. “I could have sworn I heard it somewhere…”
Before she could get anywhere with the name, Vance ran right up to the Humvee and screamed through the window: “Parker! Swarm! I need you front and center, stat!”
“Yes, sir!” Parker barked, scooping up his rifle and leaping out to jog alongside his commander as they rounded a corner and disappeared behind a building.
“Aw, but me and the ponies were just gettin’ to know each other!” Swarm grumbled, hopping out of the car and dragging his feet as he walked to catch up with Vance and Parker, leaving Uris, six ponies, and a nameless driver alone in the Humvee.
“Welp,” Uris sighed, setting Fluttershy down on one of the seats, “I really should see what this is all about.”
“Eep,” Fluttershy squeaked, immediately following him out of the Humvee. “I-I think I should come with you.”
“No, you’re all staying in the car,” he replied, pointing back to the Humvee. “It’s my job to head up there, not yours.”
“Well, if it’s a direct order…” Rainbow Dash said, swooping out of the Humvee and landing by Fluttershy’s side.
“What-seriously bitch? You’re gonna come along just because I toldja not to?”
She nodded with a stubborn smile on her face.
“Fine, then…uh…please come with me.”
“Too late for reverse psychology, pal,” she said, trotting past him.
“And-and I really must insist,” Fluttershy added quietly, her voice falling. “That-that I should be the one who-who comes along with you in case y-you’re hurt. I-I really have to insist. You know, if-if that’s okay with you.”
Immediately, the other four joined their pegasus friends at Uris’s feet. “Okay, now all of you want to go?” Uris said exhaustedly.
“Heck yeah! Somepony’s gotta make sure Dash don’t run off an’ do somethin’ stupid!” AJ said.
“Dahling, please, what kind of friends would we be if we let two of our own set off by themselves?” Rarity added, tossing her perfect, purple mane.
“You never know when you might need a good blast from the party cannon!” Pinkie screeched, whipping out her trustiest weapon and nailing Uris with a full-blast of confetti and streamers to his face.
“Yeah…” Twilight said distantly, still scratching her chin over the little farming village that had escaped her memory. “Friendship and…all that…shit.”
Rolling his eyes, Uris beckoned them to follow as the columns of Marines funneled past. “C’mon,” he grumbled, and the ponies set off with their human companion, galloping past the building they watched Vance disappear behind and rounding the corner, leaving one very confused Humvee driver behind to try and explain to his NCO how he had just been shuttling two high-ranking members of the United States Military, a semi-omnipotent being, a missing helicopter pilot, and six elementally-powered talking ponies around.
Vance dashed through Coltton’s main square, not pausing until he reached the SEALs’ leader. “Captain Vance,” the Lieutenant said, saluting. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, I am Lt. Miller.”
“Likewise,” Vance replied, halting his pace instantly to stand ramrod straight and salute. “What’s the sitrep?”
“We got one royal taken hostage,” the SEAL sighed, handing a pair of binoculars to the Marine and pointing to a rooftop. Vance spied through the goggles and grimaced. Five enemy soldiers, armed with assault rifles and at least two rocket launchers he could see, all focused on one little pony princess. “One of my own entered the building with a local Royal Guard when the latter attempted a rescue. We lost sight of them both ten minutes ago.”
“Any demands yet?” Vance asked, shifting his focus to the SEALs taking up strategic positions all around the building.
“That we surrender the whole village to them and lay down our arms,” Miller replied, an exhausted smirk on his face.
“All with the Ridchir’s usual macho posturing and exclamations of superiority, I’m sure,” Vance grumbled, turning at the sound of boots approaching. He grimaced again as he watched Parker jog up to him, followed closely by his son and the Elements of Harmony. “Goddammit, boy, why aren’t you in the Humvee?”
“What?” Parker gasped, just slightly out of breath. “But sir, you asked me to…”
“Not you, Parker!” He kept glaring past his Second at Uris, keeping it up until the pilot landed by his side, grinning like a maniac as he saluted. “Son, I asked you a question, and as your superior officer I expect an answer.”
“You still expect me to sit on the sidelines? Besides, I figured whatever you were facing might be something the Elements of Harmony could handle.”
Vance turned his glare on the ponies, who returned it five-fold (Fluttershy was still holding Uris’s leg as closely as she could). Eventually, the old Marine turned his stare at the crowd of ponies still huddling in fear in one corner of the square. He pointed. “We need those natives to remain calm, can you handle that?”
“Please, sugarcube,” AJ replied. “‘Elements a’ Harmony’ ain’t just a title, y’know.”
“Then get to it, if you will,” he added, quickly turning to maintain his observation of the building.
“Alright, you heard ‘im,” Rainbow barked. “Let’s make sure everypony’s calm over there, now!” The other ponies leapt into action, heading towards the crowd with a precision and determination that could only be described as military-like.
“Huh,” Parker said. “It’s almost like an army headin’ to work, what they’re doin’.”
“They have experience with this sorta thing,” Uris said matter-of-factly, turning a snide little smile on his father. “In fact, you could say they’re the perfect ones for this job.”
“Wipe that smile off your face, boy, the war ain’t over yet.” Vance said without turning around, his grimace hardening as he stared down the enemy soldiers holed-up in the building across from him.