“Twilight! I just saw a royal chariot leaving and decided to stop by and- heyyy, who’s this guy?” Pinkie Pie asked as she noticed Twilight’s newly-acquired bodyguard.
“Hello Pinkie,” Twilight sighed, long since resigned to Pinkie Pie’s random appearances. “This is Voltaic Shock, and he’ll be staying with me for a while as my bodyguard.”
“Neat!” Pinkie shouted as she zoomed up to meet the new stallion in town. “Soooo, do you like parties?”
“Um, sure? I don’t really have time to go to parties that much...” Voltaic began.
“Why not?”
“Pinkie, don’t you have cookies to bake?” Twilight asked quickly.
“Silly Twilight, I only bake cookies on the forty-second day of each month!”
Voltaic gave Twilight a quizzical look and asked, “Should I inform her...”
“Don’t bother,” Twilight told him.
“But...”
“It isn’t worth it. Trust me.”
“If you say so.”
“What’s your favorite color?” Pinkie Pie interjected.
“What?” Voltaic asked.
“Your favorite color. What is it?” She asked excitedly.
“I can’t really see colors all that well, so I don’t really have a favorite,” he replied.
“Can’t see colors!?” Pinkie gasped. “B-b-but...how do you know if an apple is really an apple if you can’t tell it’s red?”
“Pinkie, there are plenty of apples that aren’t red,” Twilight reminded her.
“Oh yeah. Like Golden Delicious, Granny Smith (who knew apples could live that long?), MacIntosh, Blushing Gold...”
While Pinkie continued her enthusiastic rambling on the many different types of non-red apples, Voltaic slowly snuck past her and asked Twilight, “Is this normal?”
“What, Pinkie bursting in at random moments to gleefully announce the first thing that pops into her brain? This happens at least once everyday, you’ll get used to it eventually,” Twilight reassured him.
“If you say so...” Voltaic repeated.
Twilight frowned and said, “I actually do need to run to the market and get a few things. I should be back in a few minutes, so feel free to make yourself at home.”
“I’m sorry Miss Sparkle, but I’m afraid I can’t do that,” he said.
“Why not?”
“Because I was sent here as your bodyguard, and as such, must accompany you wherever you go. Just barely arriving here does not excuse me from performing my duties.”
“...and we can’t forget Zap Apples! Wait, they sorta’ have that little red stripey-thing going on there, so I guess they count as halfsies...”
Twilight continued to tune out her friend’s eccentric rant and asked, “But do you need to be everywhere I go? What happens if I need to use the bathroom?”
“I will obviously not follow you in there Miss Sparkle. Everywhere else, on the other hand, is fair game.”
“Well, I won’t keep you from doing your job, especially if it came from Princess Celestia herself....” glancing at the clock, Twilight sighed, then added, “I really need to get to the market today. I’m almost out of food, and if we don’t leave soon, I’ll never beat the crowds!”
“We could just walk out the door right now. It’s not like the Pink One...”
“PinkIe Pie.”
“...Pinkie Pie would stop us, right?” he asked.
“No, but she would tag along and I don’t really have time for her ramblings right now. It’s hard enough choosing which fruit to buy and calculate the sales tax without someone babbling in your ear,” she said.
“Why not just ask her to stay here while you shop?”
“I was just about to get to that. Hey Pinkie!” Twilight shouted.
“...and are tomatoes a fruit or a vegetable? I could never te-Oh hi Twilight! I was just asking Spike-” Pinkie shouted back before being interrupted.
“Never mind that right now. I’m going to the market, and I need you to stay here to keep Spike company. He gets very lonely.”
“No I don’t,” Spike countered.
“Then why did I hear you singing ‘One is the Loneliest Number’ in the shower the other day?” she asked.
“I just like singing, that’s all!”
“Riiiight. I’ll be back in a half-hour, so please don’t do anything too insane while I’m gone.”
“You can count on us Twilight,” Spike said.
“Yeah, we’re gonna’ be the super-duper bestest librarians Ponyville ever saw! Except you of course,” Pinkie added.
Voltaic rolled his eyes and followed his charge out the door, scanning the area for any and all potential threats. The town was surprisingly busy this early in the morning, and any of these ponies could be a crazed ax-murderer for all he knew.
“So Voltaic, what do you think of Ponyville so far?” Twilight asked.
“It seems quaint enough, although your friend back there seems a little....hyper,” Voltaic answered.
“You think Ponyville is quaint? Just wait ‘till you see the hydras.” she said.
“Hydras? In this stereotypical small town?” he asked, surprised by the sudden revelation.
“Yep. But that’s not even the worst one.”
“How? Hydras are almost impossible to get rid of, they have at least three heads, and they be killed,” he said.
“Have I got some stories for you...”
*****
“That took a lot longer than a half-hour Miss Sparkle,” Voltaic observed as they walked back to the library. The sun was hanging low in the sky, and the streetlights were just beginning to turn on for the evening.
“In my defense, those lines were a lot longer than I thought, and those vendors never tried to haggle that aggressively before,” Twilight said. “Besides, I got enough food to last us a whole month.”
“But did you need to explain the entire history of the strawberry in Equestria while you were at it?” he asked,
“I may have gotten a little carried away...”
Yeah, only a little. “I wonder what your assistant is up to,” he asked as they approached the library.
“I’m sure Spike did just fine keeping the library clean,” she answered while she opened the door. “After all, what could possibly go wr-AGGHHHNOTAGAIN”
“SURPRISE!” shouted the large group of ponies gathered in Twilight’s home. Pinkie Pie bounced up to the front of the group, her large party hat lopsided and a large clump of balloons tied to her hooves.
“Hey Twilight! I just thought since your friend was new here in town that it’d be nice to throw him a big welcome party! And since he can’t see colors that well, I decided the decorations would be all black ‘n white!” she gushed enthusiastically.
“Pinkie! I didn’t give you permission to throw a part-YOU PUT THAT BOOK BACK RIGHT NOW!” Twilight shrieked at a group of stallions who were giggling at a book titled Anatomy: The Story of Your Amazing Body. Charging forward with the fury of a mother bear whose cubs were in danger, she snatched the book away and was about to scold them when an orange earth pony came bounding up.
“Hey there sugarcube, sure was nice of ya’ to throw us this here party,” Applejack said.
“Yeah Twilight, awesome party!” Rainbow Dash chipped in as she flew over. “A little heads up would’ve been cool though.”
“Ah’ don’t mind so much. Granny Smith went to bed three hours ago, and Big Mac doesn’t like doin’ anything exciting.”
“Who’s Big Mac?” Voltaic asked.
“Mah’ older brother,” Applejack answered. “And you must be that Voltaic fella’ Pinkie was telling us all about.”
“How do you know my name?”
“Pinkie just put up a giant poster of yer face and name right over there,” she pointed at the back. Hanging from the ceiling was the largest picture of himself Voltaic had ever seen, with his name prominently displayed in bright yellow lettering.
“How did she get that picture of me? I don’t remember her having a camera when we met..”
“Deary, aint nothin’ makes sense with Pinkie Pie. I’m Applejack by the way,” she said extending her hoof.
“And I’m Rainbow Dash, the most awesome flyer in Ponyville!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Pleased to meet you. I’d tell you my name, but that giant poster makes introductions sort of redundant,” he said after he returned Applejack’s very enthusiastic hoofshake. “You two are Element bearers, right?”
“Uh, how do you know about that?” Rainbow Dash asked in a surprised tone.
“Yeah sugarcube, how do ya’ know ‘bout the Elements? Have you been spyin’’ on us?” Applejack said aggressively.
“What? No, I’m not spying on you. I’m the Right Hoof to Princess Celestia herself; it is my duty to know about stuff like this,” he explained. He was about to explain why spying on them was an absurd notion when he started feeling very nauseated. His yellow coat turned a sickly white, and he staggered before falling into the small table. A sharp pain jolted up his spine, and it felt as though a thousand rusty nails had been jammed into his skull. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was high-pitched screaming...