//------------------------------// // 53: Derpus Ex Machina // Story: Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human // by pjabrony //------------------------------// Despite their despair, Derpy found the time to hug her daughter before they continued discussing their plight. “Why didn’t you let me know about the changeling escaping to Earth?” asked Dinky. “I would have come with you or helped Lyra with the spell or anything!” “But we lost. All the pegasi and I didn’t stand a chance against those changelings. What could you have done?” “Don’t you remember what I’ve been studying at Princess Celestia’s school and at work? Identification and information spells. I think I can use my magic to stop the changelings from being able to fool us.” Derpy’s jaw dropped. “Why didn’t we let you know?” “That’s what I’m asking!” “Are you sure it will work?” “We can’t be completely sure,” said Dinky. “I’ve been trying to get the changeling you captured to turn into me so I could test the spell, but either it knows what I’m after or it knows it’s been captured and that disguising itself won’t work. In any case, we’ve got to try, don’t we?” “We certainly do. And we’re going even if it’s just you and me. Actually, that might be a better method. Last time, with all those pegasi there, I’m sure the changelings saw us coming a mile away. This time, we’ll do it right. Two ponies, no other.” Dinky looked at Princess Celestia, who extended her wing to Derpy. “That’s very brave of you. But tell me truthfully, do you really want to go alone with your daughter?” Derpy crinkled her muzzle. “I don’t really want to go at all. I want it to not ever have happened, and to have Karyn back. But until that happens, I’ve got to do what’s necessary, and if that means going alone, so be it.” “I believe you. But I think it would be better to have a small guard with you. I will see if the captain of the guard can choose a few of the ponies who have recovered.” Derpy was skeptical. She waited with Dinky as Celestia withdrew, looking out the window toward the forest where Karyn had been abducted. A minute later, the haggard captain came trotting in. “Miss Derpy,” he said. “I apologize for my failure before, and more so for being so insistent afterwards. It is my job to care for my ponies, but more so for the ponies not under my command. I think I forgot that, a little, out there. I ask you for another chance.” He folded his wings and bowed deeply. Derpy had to stop herself from laughing, as his flank was suspended in the air. “All right. Celestia said that you had some others who you could bring with us?” “Three others. It wll enable us to keep an eye on all sides at once, with enough for relief shifts if need be. We can also move swiftly without the long preparation.” “Then let’s go now!” Back out to the camp where it began. There were still a few apple cores and hay ends left lying on the ground from their first failed excursion. Derpy was on edge, constantly looking around for any sign of movement. It being a forest, there were plenty of animals going here and there, but no changelings. “Don’t go crazy, Mommy. I’ll search for the changelings and then we’ll know.” As soon as they had set up their equipment, Dinky positioned herself in the middle of the clearing and concentrated. To one of the older pegasi, it reminded him of Shining Armor casting his force-field spell. A hemisphere of forest green expanded from the young unicorn’s horn. Then she opened her eyes and looked around. “We’re clear.” “Are you sure?” said Derpy. “How do you know the difference between your spell not working and there being no changelings around?” “How much do you know about magic?” “A little, but only from the spells that Twilight made for me.” Dinky thought about how to explain. “You know what a successful spell feels like, even if nothing happens? I felt it.” Derpy didn’t know exactly what she meant but trusted her daughter implicitly and nodded. The pegasus guards, however, looked upon Derpy with newfound respect. If she could discuss magic with a unicorn, they thought, she must be incredibly smart. “Anyway,” Dinky said, “I think we should go—cautiously—to the place where Karyn was taken, and search from there.” Nopony had any objection, and so they went back to the changeling clearing, Dinky leading the way and proclaiming an all-clear every so often. In the grove, she swept all around but still saw nothing. “What now?” asked Derpy. “Hmm. You said she was kidnapped while you were flying with her, right?” “Yes.” “If you feel up to it, can you lift me to about where it happened?” The captain stepped up. “I can.” With Derpy hovering to guide her, Dinky was lifted by her shoulders into the air. Again her horn glowed, and she scanned. Waving a hoof to the captain to spin slowly, she swept with her magic. “Aiee! There they are!” She pointed. “How many?” The captain signaled to the others to get into the air. “Too many! Lots! Heading right for us! And—“ Dinky cut herself off. “And they’ve got Karyn! She’s smiling!” Derpy beamed and turned to where Dinky was pointing. Already the black wave was approaching them fast, and the pegasus guard was instinctively in defensive positions. “Where is she? I can see the changelings, but not Karyn.” “She’s right in front.” The changelings flew so quickly that they were on top of them while the conversation was still happening. Karyn took one look at Dinky, saw her spell, and said. “Hi, Dinky. Let me explain.” *** Flying on the back of Queen Chrysalis was nothing like flying with Derpy, Karyn thought, as they ascended through a maze of tunnels, Instead of the soft fur and the gentle breeze from her downy wings, there was a hard ridge on the queen’s back and a buzzing of the wings that made Karyn’s ears hurt. When they landed at last in another dank cavern, she was pleased to get off. “That was an experience I would not want to repeat,” Chrysalis said. “To think of me, Queen Chrysalis, carrying an inferior creature on my back like a common pony.” Karyn was about to retort, when a pair of changelings came shooting around a curve. Expecting a fight, she tried to duck behind Chrysalis, but the two went right up to her and began chittering rapidly. “Answer them,” Chrysalis whispered. “What do you mean? I don’t know what they’re saying.” The queen rolled her eyes, then chittered back at the changelings. A buzzing conversation was held, after which the other two knelt before the queen. “We are lucky,” she said. “These two are among those who are loyal to me. Just the fact of my escape has brought them to our side. But there will be others that will take more convincing.” “I don’t understand what just happened.” “I told you how Queen Maxilla impersonated you in preparation for invading your world.” “Yes, but what does that have to do—“ Karyn saw the two changelings performing equal obeisance to her. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me! You mean that changelings can’t see through their own disguises?” “Certainly not. There would be no point if they could. I told them that you and I have come to an arrangement to split the hive and rule together. Of course, I have no such intention, but since they are disposed to believe me anyway, they accepted. However, if we encounter some of Maxilla’s loyalists, you must be prepared to act the part. Tell them that you have reconsidered and that they should obey me as they once did.” “You want me to lie?” Chrysalis stared at her. “Only to workers or soldiers. And it is not in fact a lie. Changelings should obey me.” Karyn found the queen’s haughty attitude grating, but was also scared for her life. Following her instructions seemed like the only thing to do. “All right.” “Excellent. Here is how you say it.” Chrysalis made some sounds in the strange language. “I have to speak changeling-ese?!” “Naturally you must speak to the lower orders in the language they can understand. Now repeat it.” Karyn had to ask Chrysalis to say the phrase again, then tried as best she could to reproduce the sounds. “Your accent is atrocious! You will never convince them that way!” Karyn lost it again. “Listen, Chryssy, get it through your carapace. I’m not one of your subjects and I really don’t appreciate your giving me orders. I’ll try to help with your little game here because I want to stop any changeling, even you, from getting to Earth and hurting people I love. But understand that I may not even have the same biological structure that you do, and if I have to speak your language, I’m going to do it pidgin, and you’ll just have to take my best effort.” The queen seemed to respond to anger. Karyn concluded that since no one ever contradicted her, being dressed down was so unfamiliar a situation that she reacted defensively. The reflexive buzz of her wings stopped, and she said, “Very well, let’s try it again, slower.” Karyn practiced for a few minutes, after which Chrysalis assured her that it would work. “Changelings aren’t that bright to begin with,” she said, “and if you are confident enough and expect obedience, we should be able to pull this off.” And so it was that Karyn found herself, a few minutes later, standing before an assembly of more changelings than she could count, amidst the ear-splitting din of their sounds, repeating her lesson and trying to fill her voice with strength. The chaos of the sounds melted into a chant, and she hoped that it was something like “Long live the queen,” and not “Death to the obvious human who isn’t fooling any of us.” “Excellent,” said Chrysalis. “Soon everything will be back to normal.” “And then you’ll let me go, right?” “Yes. We will find your pony friends and hand you over to them.” For the first time in a long time, Karyn felt hope in her heart. It was threated, though, when a burly changeling with what looked like a spark of intelligence in its eyes approached Chrysalis and said something. “Oh, dear.” “What’s wrong?” “She’s asking for you to drop your changed form and reveal your true self. In theory, every changeling has the right to do that, but they never do!” Karyn felt a lump in her throat. “What do we do?” “I’m going to try something. Hopefully what you fed me is enough for me to do this. Hold on, this might feel a little weird.” Sickly green light surrounded Karyn, then it seemed to stick to her. When once again she could see, she looked down at herself. Her skin had been colored black and her clothes had become gray rags that were attached to her body. Her hands and feet felt as though they were in a costume with fake hooves on the end and sharp fangs over her teeth. Overall, she felt not herself. Once more, she repeated the phrase that Chrysalis had taught her. This time, there was no doubt of its effectiveness. All the changelings went silent and bowed before her. From behind, she heard the sound of Chrysalis’s heavy breathing. She had collapsed from exhaustion, but was still able to see that the plan had worked. “Good. Now…take the one who questioned you…and fling it into a pit…for its presumption.” Karyn looked at the large changeling. It was about half as tall as she was. She slipped her hoof-hands underneath it and walked forward toward the crowd. There was indeed a pit beneath her, surrounded by other changelings. She put it down with the group it had run up from, walked back to the fallen Chrysalis, and addressed the throng again. “Mercy,” she said. The changelings buzzed again, then fell into a rhythmic chant. In between all the insect sounds, Karyn could hear the repeated word. “Mercy! Mercy!” Queen Chrysalis, slack-jawed and squinty-eyed, looked at Karyn. “Oh, yes. We’re going to get you out of the hive as soon as possible.” *** “That’s how it happened,” Karyn said to Dinky. “But when I saw you using magic and looking at me with recognition, I put two and two together.” “That’s an amazing story,” said Derpy, “but can you go back to normal? It’s really scaring me, seeing you like this.” “How about it, Chrysalis? Can you tell them that I have to put on the disguise again?” “I believe so,” the queen said, emerging from the pack. She chittered to the others, then used her magic. Karyn was her human self once more. Derpy, not caring about the changelings that were carrying her, swooped in and grabbed Karyn in a hug. “I am so happy to see you again!” “I missed you too, Derpy.” “We should hurry and get back. The other changeling queen is still on Earth.” Chrysalis grinned. “I shall accompany you. Maxilla and I have unfinished business.” “If it’s all the same,” said Karyn, “I want to keep as few changelings on Earth as possible. Derpy and I will go and see what’s happening. If we need your help, we’ll come right back and ask for it. Until then, I’d much rather you stay here.” “What you’d rather I do—“ “Chrysalis. I don’t know the changeling language any more than the one phrase you taught me. But I’m willing to bet that if I slapped you or spit on you, they’d get the idea that our alliance isn’t quite as strong as you’ve made it out to be. So I’m calling the shots, and I say you’re staying right here.” The queen was shocked, but Karyn didn’t give her a second look, leaping onto Derpy’s back and flying away. “I can’t believe the way you stood up to her,” said Derpy. “I’m just glad you got me out of there. I was more scared saying that then I was when I was back in the caves.” They flew as fast as Derpy could carry them back to Canterlot, reported everything to Princess Celestia, and made for Ponyville so that Lyra could send Karyn back to Earth. On the way, Derpy explained the mix-up in language. Lyra was effusive in her apologies when they arrived at her house. “Don’t beat yourself up,” said Karyn. “Let’s just sort it all out and then it won’t be a problem.” She concentrated, and at last Karyn saw the inside of her dorm room again. Her first action was to dive for her cellular phone and check the time. “It says that it’s Tuesday, ten in the morning. That means that time has passed. That’s not good.” Derpy was peering out the window. “I don’t see any signs of invasion. No buildings burning or bodies in the streets.” Karyn was on the computer checking the major web sites. “I don’t see anything unusual in the news either. Still, we can’t relax. Queen Maxilla might be lurking somewhere waiting to strike, or she might have impersonated someone important.” “I found the original spell to take us back and forth to Equestria, so she doesn’t have that.” Just then, there was a knock on the door. Karyn made her standard gesture to Derpy, who went into her bag and got her invisibility spell. Even the familiarity of seeing Derpy vanish made Karyn feel better. She opened the door to see her other nemesis, Albert. “What are you doing here?” “I’ve been waiting for you to come back,” he said. “I had an interesting last day or two. I was debating whether to keep waiting for you or turn the fake Karyn over to the authorities.” Derpy appeared and looked at Albert with shock. “You saw through the changeling’s disguise?! But how?” “I keep telling you, I’m a detective. It’s my job to see things.” They accompanied him to his apartment, where he had Queen Maxilla, still disguised as Karyn, locked in a closet. “So, does anyone want to tell me what’s going on?” he asked. “Do you want to know?” said Karyn. “There’s magic and danger and all those wonderful things you can’t figure out on your own.” “Good point. Just get her out of here.” As soon as they opened the closet door, Maxilla sprinted out and looked ready to switch disguises, but Karyn grabbed her and latched onto Derpy, who quickly activated her spell. They were back in Equestria, conveniently right in the town square. Derpy looked around. “Now what we need is to get hold of Twilight or somepony who can keep control of her before she gets loose.” Maxilla hissed, and it made Karyn want to slap her for using her body for such rude ends. Right then, the sky was filled as ponies seemed to be coming from all directions. Princess Celestia came flying in from due north. Queen Chrysalis entered from the northwest. Twilight Sparkle glided in from the east, and even Lyra came galloping from the south where her house was. “Thank goodness you’re here!” said Derpy. “How did you know where we would be?” “Twilight really is a genius of organization,” said Princess Celestia. “And now we can end this threat once and for all.” With so many powerful ponies present, Derpy and Karyn relaxed and let go their tension. Karyn put Derpy’s hoof in her hand. It was all over. Chrysalis was the first to approach Maxilla. Her fangs were bared, a drop of drool hanging from one of them. The green of her eyes had a sinister glint. “Maxilla, my old adversary. I have kept the pit warm for you. You shall enjoy all its comforts for the rest of your life, however long that is!” Karyn gave a small cough, enough to attract Chrysalis’s attention. The queen looked around and realized that whatever temporary alliances she had, her chief enemies were all watching her. Whatever flaws the queen had, indecision was not one of them. She quickly added, “Unless you swear fealty to me, and promise never to revolt again or invade the other dimension. If you do that, I will allow you to return to the hive as a worker. You would feed no more and no less than any other changeling.” Maxilla laughed and spat on the ground. Chrysalis said, “Well, it’s not a decision you must make immediately. Miss Twilight, I believe you have the power to remove our disguises and render us incapacitated? Could I pry upon you to use it?” Twilight concentrated, and a moment later Maxilla was lying on the ground, barely conscious and quite docile. Karyn wanted to look away, but had to see her real form. Much different from how Chrysalis had made her look, Maxilla’s body was twisted and bloated. Her fangs came from the sides of her mouth instead of the top, and even in her harmless state, they flashed back and forth as though instinctively chewing. “Excuse me, Queen,” said Celestia, “but where will you go now?” “Back to the hive, of course.” “Since you have made an offer to your fallen enemy, perhaps you would allow me to do the same. Far to the north there is an artifact called the Crystal Heart. It converts the love that ponies have into magical energy which is spread throughout Equestria. I do not know if this is the sort of energy you can feed upon, but if it can sustain you, and if you are willing to relocate your hive to such a cold area, it might provide you with sustenance in perpetuity. As a bonus, you would no longer need to hide and feed parasitically on the unaware. A princess reigns there who would welcome you as a neighbor.” Chrysalis blinked. She looked down at Maxilla. “I will consider it. Thank you, in any case.” Like Chrysalis, Maxilla wore a small spiky crown atop her head. With her green magic, Chrysalis lifted it off and floated it onto Karyn’s head. “As for you, I hereby name thee an honorary queen of the changelings. If Celestia’s promise should come to pass, visit us sometime, and once more all the changelings shall bow before you.” Karyn was speechless as Chrysalis took Maxilla’s body and flew away. Derpy grinned. “All hail Queen Karyn!” Everyone had a good laugh at that. Lyra approached her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been more help. I’m going to work hard on my magic to remember the spells next time.” “Hopefully there won’t be a next time,” said Karyn. Amidst all the laughter, Karyn at last had time to take stock of her situation. Earth was saved and everything was going back to normal. She chuckled herself. “I completely missed all my classes yesterday. I’ll have a lot of catching up to do.” Princess Celestia looked at Twilight, who shook her head. She then gave her a puppy-dog-eye look. Twilight sighed and said, “All right, but she has to study twice as hard this week.” “Sorry?” said Karyn. “What’s going on?” “Twilight has agreed to watch Equestria for a half hour or so, enabling me to accompany you to Earth. I would like to see your world.” “That’s wonderful! I’d love to have you.” Celestia approached Lyra. “If you would do the honors.” Lyra took a deep breath. Sending ordinary ponies was hard enough, but she had to be quite sure of herself while transporting the ruler of Equestria. Karyn mounted Derpy and took their traditional way. Everything went off without a hitch, and a moment later, the three girls were struggling to find room as Celestia took up an awful lot of space. Derpy began showing the princess around the room, which gave Karyn a much-needed chance to rest. Derpy took pride in being able to explain things like computers, light switches, and telephones in a way that Celestia could understand. “I see. And all this is necessary for an educational institution?” “Yes,” said Derpy. “It’s not quite so simple as your school.” Celestia stood up and folded her wings. “I must return to Canterlot, but on the subject of schools I have two pronouncements to make.” Karyn sat up. Derpy landed from her hover. “The first is for you, Derpy. Since Dinky has proven herself able to modify and apply spells when needed, I am advancing her to the higher levels at my School for Gifted Unicorns.” “That’s wonderful! Thank you!” Celestia smiled. “And the other is for Miss Karyn. Since Derpy has explained to me some of your technology, I believe I have the understanding to use my power on it. The records this institution keeps will not reflect any absence you have had over the past two days. Though, as Twilight said, you must promise to study harder to make up. She is very insistent on such points.” “Don’t I know it?” said Karyn. “But what if one of my teachers sees that it’s wrong and remembers I wasn’t there?” “Explain that you were, and that the error is theirs. Is it not fitting for a queen of the changelings to be unseen when she wishes?” Karyn rolled her eyes at that, but thanked Princess Celestia. Then, without aid of any manual spell, she was gone. Derpy packed her bag. “I think it’s time I went home too. No more of these adventures for me.” “Agreed. Until next Sunday?” “Until next Sunday.”