I can be Social. Probably. Maybe.
----
Run.
Run.
Fcuking Run.
"For all that is human! STOP CHASING ME!" I am a little irritated.
I'm sprinting between trees, leaping over bushes, and sliding below branches. My plan? Put as much trees, bushes, leagues, and countries between me and this blasted furry monster combo of a lion, scorpion, and dragon.
A loud guttural roar causes the whole forest to vibrate around me.
Damn
Damn
DAMN
Back then, the only thing I had to my name in physical efforts is that I can throw a mean right hook and that I can run afterwards. Cowardly? Yes it is. Smart? If I punched a guy that was slower. Most of the time they were slower. All of the time, they were the ones that threw the first punch. I'm truly milking my ability to run to its very limits.
How to get exercise? Get a manticore to hunt you down.
Works wonders.
Duck
Dive
Dodge
Dip
And...
Dodge
Trees, glorious trees. Save me from the furry beast that wishes to cleave me.
Juke to the left and the terrible sound of wood splintering greets my ears. Followed by a loud guttural roar.
It was like metal grinding on rock. A sound so dark that my spine trembles. Like angels screaming against an onslaught of sins. A demon's fate.
I'm getting sidetracked.
More wood splintering. Good lord, it's getting closer!
"Would you kindly PLEASE STOP!" Perhaps a little kind suggestion may change things around?
*ROAR!* Nope
Run. Run. Run. Now how would I get myself into this situation?
Simple really. I am simply returning from a visit to Ponyville's resident shaman, Zecora. A fine individual to be friends with, even with her eccentric quirks and personality. She and I seem to get along well and she indulges my questions on her potions and medicinal concoctions.
Anyway, along the way from the shaman's hut, the golden-furred beast that is the manticore dashes from the forest and cuts me off. I am rather scrawny so direct confrontation isn't recommended if I want to live. So I ran.
And here I am.
Still running. *Crash*
Crap, I ran into a tree. A quick spin reveals the golden manticore thrusting out his red scorpion tail stinger. A reactionary drop to my bum saved me from impalement and a subsequent roll to the side kept me out of the beast's sharp claws.
However, I was out of options. Nearly flat on my back with the manticore already in prime position to pounce. Checkmate.
Goodbye cruel world. I knew thee well.
"DON'T YOU DARE HURT HIM!" Apparently, the world had other plans for me.
Out of the void came the yellow-skinned pegasus with the divine pink mane known only as Fluttershy, the goddess of all that is purely saintly. Well, that last part was just my addition.
It appeared that the beast froze under the pegasus' glare and began to retreat his steps.
"Mr. Manticore, you should be ashamed of yourself. Attempting to hurt poor Neddy. You big meanie." Despite her voice being soft, it still held an edge. It was truly a dreadful weapon to be on the business end of. I would know.
With just a whimper, the manticore fled deeper into the Everfree forest. It was best to cut your losses than deal with an angry Fluttershy. My divine savior turns to me.
"Are you alright, Neddy? He didn't hurt you, did he?" Her cyan eyes skim over my form, trying to see if she could spot any injuries. She would find none, unless she could see damaged pride. But I will gladly throw pride out the window for now.
"Eep!" she gasps as I immediately shot at her and wrapped my arms around her. This pegasus is my damn heroine. To add more feeling, I decided that a twirl was needed to express my happiness. "Aaah!" She squeaks.
"You are the most awesome pony of all, Flutters. Have I ever told you that?"
"On a few occasions." She didn't seem to mind the hugs or twirls.
God I adore her.
----
I did eventually put the pegasus back down. She wasn't light, despite my conceptions that she was as light as a marshmallow. Maybe Rarity is.
We came back onto the path in the forest and we're walking towards Ponyville.
"You know Ned, you wouldn't be in danger if you would stop going into the Everfree forest." It appears it was time to chide me.
"Well, then I won't be able to see Zecora anymore."
"That might not be a bad thing..." Well, that was mean.
"Zecora isn't a bad pers-pony. Sure, she's a little off, but then again so is Pinkie."
"I'm not saying that she's a bad pony."
"Well, I'll make sure to stay safe, Flutters."
"Staying on the path would be a good start." Whoa, was that a jibe?
"The darn cat came out on the path, Flutters!"
"Perhaps that is a sign for you to stop going into the forest?"
"If I started listening to those signs, I would never leave Twilight's house."
The pegasus giggles and we finally come out of the forest. Fluttershy's tree-house cottage comes into sight. One could say that it is a little similar to Twilight's tree-house A stark difference would be that Flutters' has a fence that surrounds her property, containing a multitude of pens and little homes. Fluttershy is the town's resident veterinarian and also her home seems to draw all kinds of cute creatures. It is literally a hub of cuteness here. The inside of Flutters' home, well it's quite hard to explain, it has that homely feel. Like if one were at their grandmother's home. It was just that relaxing.
Which reminds me, "Hey Flutters? Is there anything here that needs to be patched up? A broken fence or pen?"
"Ah, no. Everything seems to be holding up just fine. Thank you for those repairs."
"Ah, no problem. Well then, I'll be off. Thank you for saving me yet again Flutters."
"It is of no problem. Try not to get yourself hurt" Yep that was another jibe.
We wave(Well I waved) our farewells and parted ways.
It has been roughly a month since I first came to Equestria. Quite a lot has happened since then. There was the funny incident with Twilight and her friends involving some tickets. I swear if Twilight had actually thought about the situation, she would have solved it without all the drama. Still funny.
There was also the meeting of Rainbow's old flight school buddy, Gilda. Unlike Rainbow, Gilda took some interest in me and we both got along pretty well. It was probably because of the fact I was gushing about the fact she was a griffon.
Thank god she didn't know what tsundere meant though.
Let's not forget about Applejack's dilemma during apple-bucking season. I swear the lass wasn't giving me any leeway when I tried to help out. Nearly bucked me across the field when I started without her knowing.
That last one is more my fault, I guess.
---
A few minutes walk from Fluttershy's cottage and I'm back in Ponyville. I gotta say, ponies sure do know how to make homes like humans. If one were to approach this place, he would expect to see humans walking about. Probably short humans, seeing how small these ponies are.
I pass by a few ponies who greet me with a nod of their head. They seem to be pretty accepting of such a tall bipedal creature, but then again, Twilight walks around with a dragon. Apparently, judging by the first few weeks I've been here, I'm more bizarre than a dragon.
The fools.
"Ah Delostrinos!" I turn my head to see a tan stallion with a necktie(and no collar?) with a slight brown fauxhawk mane approach me.
"Ah Doc, What's up?" This stallion is named Doctor Whooves, he made himself a nice impression on me by bugging me with questions about what I am. Really hard to ignore a gu- pony like him.
"I would like to make a caricature of your physiology. So please come with me"
"Yea, how about some other time?" Never gonna happen buddy
"Oh, but I must! You see, you are a very rare specimen. We must know all there is about you and your kind!" Damn, don't I get enough of this from Twilight?
"Ah, when you put it that way... HEY! isn't that the pegasus you've been eyeing for sometime?" I pointed towards a muffin bakery. The stallion turned his head so fast that I was concerned that he would break it. Only for a moment though, before I dashed away.
"Ah! Is she really- hold on! You think I would fall for such a tric- Where did you go?!"
Ninja Delostrinos has made another glorious escape. Now if only I could do that with that blasted manticore.
Eventually I made my way to small workshop, it was an average-sized building made primarily out of brick and wood with two smokestacks on top. It bore a banner displaying, "Smokestack Smithy and Workshop". It was also one of my primary sources of work.
Upon entering the shop, I am greeted by the plethora of tools, forge, and workstations. A healthy smell of wood, fire, and metal whisks into my nostrils. That is a great smell. I hear metal upon wood, so Smokestack is probably hammering some tables together. Maybe.
"I'm back! Had a bit of a problem getting out of the forest." I say as I round about the place until I see my fellow smith and boss. Smokestack is a gray stallion with darker gray hooves, he also sports a dark gray mane covered by a white and gray striped hat. Additionally, he has a red handkerchief around his neck. His gray eyes glance over at me before resuming his task of hammering a leg into a table. He holding a hammer in his mouth. It was pretty funny to watch.
"The manticore, I would presume?"
"Yea, I swear it has it out for me."
"Perhaps it wants to be friends?" He smirks as he takes another swing at the leg
"If by friends, you mean chew toy, then yea, he wants to be friends." I quip dryly
"Glad to see you made it back in good shape, I'm gonna need you to start up on those chairs."
"Alright, this is the Bon Bon order right?" She had placed a huge order of chairs for some event.
"Yea, about fifty or so chairs. Think you can get them done by today?" Sounds like a challenge.
"Did she ask for a specific design?"
"No. Free reign Ned." Sweet
"Well then, I'm good to go."
The truly hard part about making furniture around this town is that some peo-ponies like to have some design on their chairs. That usually makes the production go slow, but if they just want chairs, I could make them fast and quite durable. Most of the time for production is spent on cutting out the necessary shapes and parts for the chair. Making the cushion and the backrest the same shape and size cuts down on production time.
Roughly saying, I can make fifty in a day easy.
"I need them by sundown."
Okay, that was a challenge.
"I'll see what I can do, Smokes."
Let's get down to work.
Now, in the human world, I try to avoid doing extra work. Be it school or actual job work, extra work just cut into my entertainment time. Here in Equestria, I don't have a laptop or a game console, so entertainment time is pointless. Rather than just laze about all day, I decided to take up working in Ponyville. I would try reading all day, but Twilight didn't like me sitting at home, reading all the time. That hypocrite. I think she was just mad that I knew a few things she didn't.
I took up work in Sweet Apple Acres, helping out McIntosh and Applejack bucking and collecting apples. I did learn how to make an apple pie, but I can't quite seem to catch onto how Granny Smith makes them so good.
I work at the smithy just so I can get materials from Smokestack and to get more work hours. I learn little by little something new from the old stallion. Sooner or later, I'll get carpentry down and will be able to patch up the damages that usually come from my other jobs.
Case in point, helping out at the Ponyville Schoolhouse. This is where most of the damage-dealers of Ponyville come from. Not going to give names, but they rhyme with Got a loo, Tweetie Cell, and Snapple Tomb. Yea, lets just say that one incident involving me defending Applejack's little sister from harmless(I guess) bullying about her having no cutie-mark. Needless to say, when the other two fillies learned of this and the fact that I, myself, have no cutie-mark(Thank you Pinkie) they stuck to me like peanut butter and the roofs of mouths.
I do some carpentry on the side, but its just to put to test what I learn from Smokestack.
I'm not doing it for the money(Bits in Equestria). I'm doing it so I don't get bored. I'm so accustomed to just lazing about the day, so I need to break myself out of that habit. The best way?
Have no time to laze about!
Now, I am well aware I'm not attractive. Not to say I'm friggin disgusting, but I don't have women stop to take stock on me.
I'm pretty sure since I've started working for Smokestack, I'm earning a little more to my physique. In other words: I HAVE MUSCLES! WOOOOO!
Yea. I usually earn these muscles by doing what I'm doing now.
Tugging up a cart of about quarter of a hundred chairs up a hill.
Super fun time.
"Gah! Why did she have to have this event... UP HILL!" I say to no one in particular. It was grueling work to lug a cart containing roughly seventy pounds worth of furniture. Especially up hill. Did I mention that it was uphill?
Put one foot~ in front of the other~!
Sweat. At least the sun's past noon so it isn't as blazing as before.
Dig your feet into the dirt and find purchase. It is a struggle. Don't relent.
I swear that pony did this just to mess with me.
"How high is this damn HILL!"
Oh, look we're here.
"Hey! Are those the orders?" a cyan pony trots over to meet me at the top of the hill. I see other ponies setting up tables and decorations.
"Yea, this is about half of the order. I'll be heading back to collect and bring back the rest. I'm sorry, but I don't think you are Bon Bon." She looks familiar, but I've met Bon Bon. In fact, I'm the one that took her order.
"Ah yea, I'm Lyra, Bon Bon's friend. She's busy with a few things." Her smile seems friendly enough.
"Ah, nice to meet you. Name's Ned. Let me just pack out these chairs and I'll be on my way"
She responded with a "Yea, sure." and I unstrapped myself from the cart. I quickly took the chairs off the carrriage and some of the ponies took them over to the tables.
After quickly saying my farewells, I took an apparatus from the carriage and attached it to the front of the cart, between the two handholds. The device had a wheel on the bottom, about the same size as the cart wheels, and had gears along the beam. These gears were hooked to two pedals which I then hooked to the cart's wheels which also have gears. Another apparatus I took from the cart attached itself to the front wheel and made into bicycle handles.
Yup, I made a cart convert into a three-wheeled bike.
Now for the only thing that would make this trip worthwhile. Downhill.
Let's see how it goes.
----
"You look like you had alotta fun." Smokestack quips. It's probably because my hair is all blownback.
"Well, come with me on this last trip and you could enjoy it yourself!"
"Sure, why not. Now help me load up." Oh the wonders of a having fingers.
"Sure."
We quickly loaded up the cart(after I disassembled the bike apparatus) and we pulled the heavy cart back to the event site. It was heavier because we had added a table to the load. Stupid Smokestack for making heavy gauge tables.
Both Lyra and Bon Bon greeted us upon arrival and paid Smokestack the bits.
Then( after assembling the bike apparatus) we went downhill on the cart.
It is fun!
"Good Celestia! How did you take that turn without breaking the wheels!" Smokes yells
"The wheels and the axle are the strongest parts of this cart! I made sure they could handle the stress!" I was full of glee at the moment.
"Nice, perhaps I shou- Watch that stand!" I swerve around a flower merchant stand with ease.
"Yea yea, I got this Smokes!" A hard right makes the cart tilt on the left wheel for a few moments. I think I might give the old pony a heart attack.
"By Celestia! This is completely insane!" Yup
"Oh yeah it is!" Someone once said the closer you are to death, the more one feels alive. I totally agree.
We eventually make it to the smithy(all in one piece!) and I had to help the pony out of the cart. His poor legs were trembling. He did, however, sport the biggest scat-eating grin I've ever seen him wear.
"That was bloody brilliant! Probably won't do it again, but, hell, that was a ride!"
"Told you so boss." I detached the cart and bike part, rolled the cart into the smithy, took another wheel with gears off the cart, and closed up the shop. I attached the wheel to the back of the apparatus, making the whole thing look like two-wheeled scooter with pedals.
"Gotta say, how did you make that thing?"
"Took me quite a bit to get the gears and pedals right. I might borrow some more wood to make a better version." Smokestack tends to let me use the shop materials for my own projects. I still gotta work them off though.
"Sure, let me know. Maybe I could be part of this process."
"Can do. I'll see you tomorrow Smokes."
We part ways. I am covered in sweat, but I felt relief on a job well done today.
Time to cool off.
---
It started raining on my way home. At first, I took it in stride, but then it got worst to the point of stormy winds and drenching falls.
I was effectively soaked when I got to Twilight's tree-house.
Right into a unique fight between Rarity and Applejack.
Also, Twilight was having a sleepover. Apparently, the girls(Applejack and Rarity) were caught out in the open when the storm rolled in.
"Slumber 101: All you ever wanted to know about slumber parties but were afraid to ask." Rarity and I read aloud. Huh, I wonder if sexy pillow fights are in this. Oh right.
"Yes! My own personal copy!" Twilight seems all too happy about that, "It's a fantastic reference guide. I've been waiting for a chance to use it! Today's the day! Though slumber parties are primarily for mares, I guess Ned can join us too!"
I would be happy, if it weren't for the fact that instead of cute girls my age, I had ponies. It's times like these that I just can't help, but be extremely sad. My first slumber party too.
"Wooo" Perhaps my gloominess affects my voice too.
"This is going to be the best slumber party EVER!" Twilight is extremely excited. It's kinda contagious.
"Yay" Well, I guess not enough for Rarity and Applejack.
"First off, makeovers." I froze. Twilight brought her face up from her book and as if sensing my thoughts, slowly turned her head my way. I swore I heard a loud creaking noise as she turned.
nononononoonnonnonnnoononono
"Heeey Neddy!" the purple unicorn's voice was so sweet, I might just get diabetes.
"NO! not on your life!" I made to scramble away, but something bit into my sleeve.
"Why you in such a hurry, Pardner?" Damn you Jack!
"Yes, why leave when the fun is just start?" Now even Rarity is getting into it.
Curse you, who ever controls fate!
----
"This is so not funny." I quip dryly.
"Why...(snort) of...c-c-course n-not" Jack starts.
"It's hilarious, darling!" Rarity finishes.
The three ponies lose themselves to laughter, and as much as I hate to admit it, it's pretty contagious laughter. I had to bite back a smile.
"Alright! Makeovers. Check." Twilight had dashed to her book to see what was next on her list. She, Rarity, and Applejack had towels wrapped around their heads and that facial mud stuff. They had cucumbers(Rarity still does), but Applejack and Twilight ate theirs. Jack also ate mine while I was fussing.
"Alright! It says here to share ghost stories! Who wants to go first?"
"Me! I'd like to tell y'all the terrifying tale of the prissy ghost who drove everypony crazy with her unnecessary neatness. Oo-oo! I'm sure y'all are familiar with that one?" Well, if I would guess, this was less a ghost story and more an insult.
"Never heard of it, but I have a much better one. It's the horrifying story of the messy, inconsiderate ghost who irritated every pony within a hundred miles! Oo-oo!" Yep, looks like Applejack and Rarity are at odds at each other.
"That's not a real story! You made it up" Uh, Jack. Ghost stories are all made up.
"It is a ghost story, they're all made up." My point exactly.
"I got one! This is called the 'The Legend of the Headless Horse. It was a dark and stormy night, just like this one. And three ponies and a human were having a slumber party, just like this one..." I love how smooth she placed human into the story.
----
"...and just when the last pony thought she was safe, there, standing right behind her, inches away was -(pause for effect)- the Headless Horse!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Both Applejack and Rarity screamed and clung to my sides, quite painfully. I added onto the pain by laughing.
"Ghost story, check!"
"Wait, I don't get a turn?" I was actually hoping to give it a shot.
"Nope! Who wants s'mores?" Why you cheeky little... oooooh s'mores.
Rarity went through the steps on making perfect s'mores for Twilight, but Jack and I just lit up the marshmallows and smashed them against some chocolate and crackers. S'mores are suppose to be messy anyway.
*Belch* "Mmm-mm! That was good." Jack is like a girl after my own heart.
"You could at least say excuse me.." True to your prim and proper character, aren't ya Rarity.
I burped shortly after, but under a glare from Rarity I made my excuses.
"Aw, I was just about to, but you and Ned interrupted me... Pardon" Interrupted my arse.
Twilight once again zoomed to her book.
"S'mores, check and delicious. Now our next activity is Truth or Dare."
This led to Rarity and Applejack butting heads once again.
"You think we'll get a turn?" I ask
"I'm not quite sure..." Was Twilight's response.
"Well then, I dare you to loudly declare an insult to Princess Celestia" She gasped. It was like one of those long exaggerated gasps.
"I...I-I can't."
"You have to, it's the rule." I managed to snatch her book and show her the page.
"errrr...(gulp)...uh..Princess Celestia...has a large flank!" That...Tha-...That-
"Pbbttttt-hahahahhahhahHAhhahahah" I couldn't hold it anymore. I fell over, busting my gut. That was the first thing she could come up with? I would so egg on her about that, but I'm too into laughing to do so. She was blushing too.
"Stop laughing Ned. Stop! It's not that funny!" She was now tomato-faced and was contemplating hitting me. I'm quite sure of it.
"O-f-f-of c-course n-not! It's bloody brilliant!" I'm too into losing my shit. I'm literally rolling on the floor, laughing my arse off.
"Fine! I dare you... I dare you to- STOP LAUGHING!" Oh wrong move there Twilight.
"S-su-sure...(snorts) Ah...Oh my god. That was (Ah) hilarious!"
"No it wasn't, anyway my turn-"
"Nope, you used your's daring me to stop laughing."
"But..b-but That's not fair! I didn't mean to!" There she goes, all red faced.
"So sad, too bad. I choose truth. Why was the first thing that came to your mind Princess Celestia's flank?" I might start losing my scat again.
The unicorn started to blush again, stuttering all over.
"Well...well...It's just...it's just that they're so big and p-prominent...They just draw too much attention!" She was looking away from me when she said that. Slowly, but surely enough, she made eye contact.
"What? (I burst) Hey! Stop it! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" This time, she did hit me.
Apparently, I just now realize that Rarity was drenched and Jack was in a really frilly dress. That needs some context.
"Stop laughing! Next on our list! PILLOW FIGHT!" She cried out that last part because she was already in mid-descent with the feathery weapon of softness and smashed down on me.
Good lord. Why did that hurt?
----
Twilight's slumber party was actually quite entertaining It had a few surprises though. Like a tree busting into Twilight's window and knocking me unconscious. When I came to, apparently Rarity and Applejack had settled whatever the hell was their problem and fixed up Twilight's window.
The rest of the slumber party went off without a hitch. Applejack and Rarity absolutely suck at Twenty Questions.
"Well, Twilight's First Slumber Party is officially a Success!" Applejack, Rarity, and myself cheered.
"Now that all the fun and games are done, I'm actually pretty tired." Applejack yawned
"Now that you mentioned it, I'm a little drowsy myself." So did Rarity
"Yea, we've been up most of the night!" Twilight as well
"I say now is a great time to hit the sack" Ned did also... I mean, I did also.
Applejack perked up. "Pony Pile!" and without further warning tackled both Rarity and Twilight into a pile of cushions. They started laughing and giggling as I made my way towards my room.
"Where do you think you're going mister!" I turn to see Rarity giving me the look again, but not just her. Applejack and Twilight also contributed.
"Well..." I didn't really have an excuse.
"Pony Pile means you too" Twilight explained
"I'm not a pony."
"Details, Schmetails. Get in the pile." Applejack waved off my defense
Oh well, what the hay.
"Body Slam!" I yell as I leap at them
"Oof!" "That's barbaric" "Not exactly what I was expecting, NED!"
"That's why you start the pile with the bigger person first."
I'm socially awkward