Harmony and Courage: Running Parallel

by SSJRandomMaster


Chapter 23: The Heart's Calling: Part 2

Chapter 23: The Heart's Calling, Part 2
-----------------------------------------------------
Azure Courage walked home from Rarity's home, wracked with guilt and unanswered questions. Even though he was grateful for her help in his time of need, he knew that he still needed to figure out his answer to Twilight's question in a timely manner. He felt horrible for getting Rarity caught up in this mess now that she'd had to advise Twilight too, but it was better she was a neutral party in this whole affair, than in the same place as Twilight and Applejack were. Azure already felt guilty enough having inadvertently wound up in this situation with two of his friends.

What is it that I see in Twilight? Azure thought to himself. Given that Rarity was more than willing to slap me without a second thought, that means she saw something I didn't earlier...

He recalled when Twilight talked to him, and remembered the way in which she had described him, from the time they met up until that moment he fumbled about.

When I first met her...I thought she was just another product of Canterlot... Azure recalled. Cranked to eleven; she didn't want anything to do with any of us...even if Nightmare Moon hadn't come along, I feel like I wouldn't have just forgotten about the others...they wouldn't have let me...

But this isn't about the others, is it? Another voice rang out in his head. This is about what you thought about Twilight, and how it changed to lead you into this mess...now think! There has to be something you missed before!

Azure closed his eyes tightly in thought, his head slowly starting to hurt from the exertion. Wait...that one time where I had Rainbow stay over during the storm...she acted kinda like Applejack did when it was Twilight who stayed...

He opened his eyes again, and saw that not only was he close to his house, but he was also confronted with a sight that under most conditions, would have been more welcome. However, after what had happened today, it was close to the last thing he needed.

Applejack seemed to be waiting outside his door, looking a little irritated over something. It occurred very quickly to Azure that she also wanted to see him today. Immediately, Azure realized he should have left his house over the past few days so that the others wouldn't worry. She lowered her hoof.

"Where is that pony...?" she said to herself. Azure, however, caught it, his ears twitching. However, he didn't have long before she happened to turn his way, and her expression immediately shifted again. "Oh, there you are, Az!" She briskly trotted up to him now, and Azure resisted the urge to show any sign of nervousness.

Of all the days she could have chosen to show up...!

"Hey, Applejack," He tried to keep his voice as normal as he could stand, masking what just happened with Twilight to the best of his ability. "How's it going?"

"I was 'bout to ask you the same thing!" retorted Applejack, "You haven't been anywhere for three days! I was wonderin' how you were..."

Azure wasn't sure, but he had a funny feeling he detected the smallest traces of jealousy in the mare's tone. He banished those thoughts just as quickly as they appeared and kept up his smile, deciding to see if he could see what Applejack thought of him, so he could confirm whether or not she felt the same way to him as Twilight did.

"I've been fine, just...have a lot on my mind, that's all," Azure's statement was the honest truth, and Applejack apparently took it as such as well.

"I guess that's why you've been shuttin' yourself in your house for a while," Applejack observed, blinking. "You wanna talk about it?"

Azure knew he should have politely declined, but he was too curious to see exactly what it was that the orange mare felt for him. He paused briefly, trying to find the best way to word his request without making things even worse than they already were.

"I can't...not until I sort things out about it first," Azure said, "Do you have anything you want to talk about?"

Applejack paused, obviously hesitating just a little before answering, "...Yes, I have somethin' to talk about."

"Come on in, then," Azure responded. "I'll be more receptive where it's warm."
-----------------------------------------------------
As Applejack stepped into Azure's home, she couldn't help but think that she was here at his home with him. While this in itself wasn't anything new, it was the first time she'd come to his house alone. It was just the two of them. The orange mare paused for a split second, once again reminded of the fact Twilight had stayed here quite a few times. However, it was to help stop those creatures, so she let it slide. It was, however, harder and harder for her to ignore as the winter months dragged on.

"Applejack," Azure said, turning to her. "You want something to drink?"

"Nah, I think I'll pass on that, Az," Applejack responded, "Thanks for the offer, though..."

She wasn't sure if she imagined Azure flinch when she gave her negative, but she shook it off quickly. The earth pony noticed two mugs on the table near the fireplace, and began to wonder exactly why there were two. He couldn't have thought ahead, right?

"Okay then," The cyan colt finally continued. He turned to her, appearing convinced of something, but Applejack couldn't figure out what it was.

"Applejack, I'm curious," Azure started, looking unsure of how he was going to proceed for a few moments. He then asked, "What do you think of me?"

"What do I think of you?" Applejack repeated, caught off-guard by the question. She felt unsure of how to answer his question; the farmer had no idea where to start with this. Azure was the first colt she'd had a real interest in.

"Please," Azure repeated, seeming to plead for her answer, "I just want to know..."

The orange mare began to think, hard, about his question. What did she think of Azure Courage?
-----------------------------------------------------
Azure Courage watched as Applejack appeared to be thinking hard about her decision. It wasn't unlike his reaction when Twilight had asked him the very same question. "You know, you don't need to answer me right away if you can't think of it..."

"N-no, I don't need time, Az," Applejack responded, not surprising Azure. She had to have been thinking about it too, just like with Twilight. "I can't say when it started. Guess ya just grew on me after a while."

Azure nodded slightly, wondering when it happened.

"At first, you struck me as a colt with a one-track mind, but the more I got to know ya...well, I began to understand how ya work. Your approach always seemed to be the roughest one possible...but you had your reasons. When your cousin insulted the lot of us, you certainly began to show your true colors..."

Azure nodded, "Go on." At the same time, he mentally added to himself, Should I thank Virid for the help there, or curse him for helping me get into this mess?

"But that wasn't enough. Some time later, you began to show a...gentler side to yourself. Though I still don't get why you did it, you were the one that helped Fluttershy around the mountain--even if you had to carry her up the side. You didn't take the roughest way, nor the fastest way, in helping her deal with her fear. You even gave her your band before things got bad!"

"Then...that night, I knew what kind of pony you really were..." He could see the memory washing over her eyes now, the night where she had been scared straight out of her wits. "You showed no fear when we were fightin' those monsters. When I thought there wasn't any hope, you completely destroyed the doubts I had. I knew from then on I could trust you with anythin'...not just my own life, but the life of my family, too!"

Is that...how much she...trusts me, now...? Azure thought to himself. I mean, I never doubted for an instant that they had trusted me, but...I didn't think it'd be to this level...

"Was that the kind of answer you were looking for?" The farmer pony asked, looking only slightly flushed from the story she just told.

"Uh, yes, thank you..." Azure replied, nodding somewhat, hiding the thoughts within.

"Now, there's somethin' I wanna ask you, Az," Applejack said, her tone changing somewhat. Azure was already dreading where this was going, based on his past mistake with Twilight. He didn't know if he'd be able to answer her either, even given that it didn't get awkward until now. "Is there somethin' goin' on between you and Twilight?"

Azure felt his heart stop beating for a moment.

I should have known it'd come to this...! he thought to himself. It's not like I can say "yes", but I can't say "no" either! It's complicated, and I think it might have just gotten worse! What can I say? What can I say?

The cyan colt was trying not to show it, but for one of the few times in his life, he was genuinely panicking. He had no idea what to do in this situation, and he couldn't see a way out of this.
------------------------------------------------------
Applejack had never seen Azure like this. He appeared to be fidgeting about in place, and for the life of him, suddenly, his eyes failed to maintain contact. He took a few steps away, turning away from her.

Is there or...? She trotted slowly up to him, almost afraid of what was about to happen. The room was dead quiet as he turned to her, his head still down. It was just like when she'd spied the crack in his armor last fall, after the second attack, only she hadn't seen it this time.

"Az...?" she questioned, reaching out to him slowly. He looked up to her, and the look in his eyes was...strange, distant. He wasn't looking at her, but seemingly through her now. At first, she didn't get it, but when she saw he was still trembling, it occurred to her.

He was terrified of what was to come.

"Applejack," the cyan colt sighed, his voice heavy with emotion, "As much as I want to be able to answer that...I can't. I don't know."

Applejack felt her heart stop. It felt like her worst fears were slowly coming back to life.

"I..." She choked up, and she didn't quite see Azure's expression. "I see..." She quickly turned away, determined not to let him see her tears. "I...I'd better go...I'll s-see you a-around..."

Applejack quickly trotted, paying no attention to anything other than the pain in her chest. She couldn't keep herself from tearing up, and the last thing she wanted to do was cry right there in front of him. The farmer had just about reached the front door when she heard a loud sound.

Thud!

She just barely made out a masculine grunt under the noise, which had her confused for a moment. She turned, to see that Azure wasn't there, but the door to a back room she hadn't quite noticed before was open just a crack. A few more seconds was passed, and she heard the sound again, much more clearly.

Thud--"ungh!"

The sound repeated again, and Applejack blinked back the tears, curious as she rushed towards the sounds. She got back just in time to see Azure, mane obscuring his eyes, running full-force at the wall again, and Applejack found herself frozen in time to watch the action occur.

The colt hit the wall hard, his horn slipping nicely into a hole he'd probably already made in the wall, and his back legs flinging up slightly from the impact. Applejack gasped, and Azure, looking only slightly dazed, backed slowly away from the wall.

He can't be about to--

The colt's forehoof scraped along the floor, and he grit his teeth again, and Applejack knew that she had to do something right now.

"Az!" She called out, but the voice was like a starting gun firing to him; he probably didn't even realize she hadn't left yet. She grit her teeth and rushed forward, trying to discard the betrayal she felt just a few moments before. Applejack intercepted Azure's path, but found him incredibly hard to stop. When she first wrapped her foreleg around him, she felt herself start to jerk forward, so she found herself hugging him. "Az, stop it! What's gotten into you?"

Only now was her voice heard, and his body trembled again. Whatever emotion that Applejack had from the previous revelation gave way to anger at the colt, whose mane continued to obscure his eyes, and his mouth still showcase his teeth.

"Are you out of your little pony mind?! What're ya tryin' to do to yourself, Az?! You could have broken your thick skull doing that!" she scolded. Only now did Azure's eyes finally become visible as he turned to her, and Applejack could clearly see his eyes were running red, leaking tears, his face showing a self-loathing unlike anything she had ever seen in him. Also, above his left brow, she could clearly see an injury, dripping blood, obviously attained from the previous impacts.

"I deserve it, Applejack," Azure finally called out, almost sounding as though he were sobbing between every word, "This whole time, I've tried to keep my friends from getting hurt! Before I know it, I'm the one hurting the two mares I've had feelings for!"

He probably wasn't thinking clearly, but Applejack knew as soon as the words left his mouth he was being truthful. The room went quiet, and both of the ponies' eyes widened considerably, but Azure only seemed to realize what he'd said about fifteen full seconds after the words left his mouth. He tensed up again, and the only thing Applejack could think to do was let him go, convinced he wasn't about to take another run into the wall.

"Y-you tellin' me that...you have feelings for both of us?" Applejack was shocked to hear the news. Azure sat down, sighing.

"Please don't be mad...I never meant to hurt either of you, but yes, it's true..." Azure responded, sitting down again. "I do."

Applejack blinked. Whatever she had felt over the past few minutes was slowly starting to fade. It was no wonder he was acting so weird today. He was trying to keep it inside, for fear it'd hurt both her and Twilight...

"Az, you can't keep somethin' bottled up like that," Applejack said, "Who knows what'd have happened if I wasn't here?"

"With my luck, I'd have wound up in a coma..." Azure replied, his voice devoid of sarcasm. He sounded completely serious about it. And...given how hard he'd been running into the wall, Applejack could only assume that was the end result he was looking for.

"Don't you even joke about that!" she reprimanded again, her emotional landscape shifting completely. At first, she felt hurt and betrayed. Then, angry. Now, while there was still some betrayal on the inside, given Azure's reaction to the whole situation, she could tell he didn't mean for any of it to happen, and thus, concern was all that was in her mind now. "Az, why would you keep somethin' like this to yourself?"

Azure closed his eyes. "I-I was afraid that if it had come out, both of you would wind up hurt."

That was all Applejack needed to hear. He'd been shouldering something like that for the longest time. He knew the answer he was going to give wasn't going to be easy, which explained why he couldn't answer straight away. He didn't want to have to have put either of them through any pain, and when that failed, he likely took it all out on himself...more than he already was.

"Az, listen to me," she said. He re-opened his eyes; she could see how red they were once again. "I ain't angry with you over this. You've worked yourself too hard to keep this from boilin' over, and the only one gettin' hurt is you. Neither of us want that."

"Applejack, please, don't spare my feelings on this matter," Azure responded dryly, closing his eyes once again, "I deserve whatever ill will you have towards me..."

Was he expecting her to slap him? The pony who would charge headlong into danger if it meant it kept those who he cared about from psychological or physical injury? No. Even if she had wanted to, Applejack felt that she wouldn't have been able to go through with it. Rather than going through with what Azure was obviously expecting, she instead gently, carefully moved her forehoof into contact with his cheek, causing his eyes to snap open in shock.

"Ya got to stop doin' these things to yourself, Az," she said simply. When Azure didn't respond, the farmer continued: "I get it now; you're tryin' to sort things out, aren't you? I guess pokin' around like this ain't gonna do you any good. So, I'll leave you to it. Take as long as you need, and I promise, that no matter who you choose in the end, I'll still be your friend."

Azure eased up for just a moment, but then he immediately went back to being tense, "But...but Twilight asked me a question earlier...and I still don't know the answer! She's still waiting for one..."

Applejack wasn't sure if she felt betrayed or not. Twilight was probably in the same boat as both of them; she hadn't felt that way towards a colt either, and probably didn't know how to react to it.

"I've gotta go, Az," Applejack said, "It's not because I'm mad, but I've got work to do. As for Twilight, don't worry. I'm..." She hesitated, turning away from Azure lest he see her telltale facial distortions, "I'm sure she'll understand the reasons..."

She quickly left Azure's house before the conversation could continue. Once outside his home, Applejack sighed.

"How could things have gotten this bad?" she asked to herself. It was true that she had work to do, but now she had somepony else she needed to talk to. Suddenly, Applejack understood what was eating at Azure, more so than the fact he was going to hurt one or both of them when all of this was over.

He was probably just as afraid, if not more so, of what would happen between Twilight and herself. And the orange earth pony felt herself start to understand that fear, and reciporcate it. She had no idea what was about to happen, but Applejack had found herself some resolve.

"I'd better go talk to Twilight about this," Applejack thought aloud, turning towards where she remembered the library was. "She's probably just as bad as Az is about this whole mess..."
------------------------------------------------------
Try as she might, Twilight found she still couldn't focus on her reading. Even after talking to Rarity, she still found her psyche pulled toward what had happened with Azure moments ago. Even if he faltered due to personal problems, the mare just couldn't hold herself wondering what the colt was going to say in response to her questions. And the more she pondered all the possibilities his response could contain, the more anxious she began to get.

How long will I have to wait...? she asked herself, closing her eyes tightly. She had removed her glasses since before talking to Rarity, and once again, they set on the stand, waiting for her to use them again.

Knock-knock-knock!

Her head whipped towards the front door quicker than it ever had before. She didn't even know who it was, but her hopes turned to honest thought that it was Azure knocking. She rose quickly to her feet, her excitement taking over as she practically rushed to the door, not bothering to ask Spike to get it.

"Hey there, Twilight..."

Now that she actually saw who it was behind the door, her heart sank just a little, since now she didn't know what was about to happen. Not that she would have anyway were it Azure Courage on the other side.

"Oh, hello, Applejack," she said, only now catching the tone in Applejack's voice that wasn't typically there. "What...brings you here?"

"Twilight, we need to talk..." She pitched her head back and forth, probably checking for any encroaching ponies that could listen in to the conversation. "...in private. It's important."

Twilight's anxiousness began to spike again. Every part of her conscious mind was telling her that something was about to happen-something bad, but she couldn't name why she was feeling that way. Part of her wanted to run away from this, but she fought away that feeling.

"O-okay, come on in," Twilight relented, stepping in to allow Applejack inside. As soon as the mare was clear from the door. "Let's go to my room. Nopony should hear us in there."

Both of the mares immediately went towards Twilight's room, upstairs, then into that particular room. Once inside, Twilight closed and locked the door, to prevent anyone from walking in. Once that was accomplished, the purple unicorn immediately noticed how serious Applejack looked, and began to regret agreeing to this already.

"Okay, we're alone," said Twilight. "Now, what do you want to talk--"

"Twilight," Applejack said, going straight for the jugular, "Do you have feelings for Az?"

Twilight's eyes widened, and she felt her face heat up. She clumsily stepped backward, not expecting this at all.

"I-I...w-what are you talking about?" Twilight and acting suspicious were never a good pair; and it always seemed to arise more when she was nervous than anything else. She was caught off-guard, and the fact she had actually talked to him today didn't help any.

"Ya do, don't ya?" Applejack asked, keeping her voice level.

"I--Um... I'm thirsty," Twilight began searching for an excuse; she needed time to recover and Applejack wasn't helping any, "Are you thristy?" She was already almost to the door. "I-I'm going to get something to drink."

She wasn't aware of it, but part of her mane began to kick up on its own.

"Twilight!" The tone of the farmer's voice was now sharp, angry. Releasing a sigh, Applejack continued, "Look, if it makes it easier on ya, I--" She hesitated, "I've got feelin's for him too, Twilight..."

Twilight whipped around to face Applejack directly, shocked at this information. Applejack didn't flinch. She was serious...which meant...

S-So...it's true... That famililar pain, which Twilight now knew to be coming from her heart, started up again.

"There, I admitted it, now I want you to tell me the truth..." Applejack responded.

Twilight didn't know what to do now. It was obvious Applejack wanted to sort out this issue now, and it was obvious there was no running from this. Her fears began to set in. It wasn't just Azure she was afraid of losing now. Applejack was a good friend, and she couldn't stand to lose her over this either.

But...Applejack's gotta know that too, and she told me without me even asking her...I've gotta come clean. It's gonna hurt...but I have to.

"I..." Twilight began. She released a sharp sigh, truly afraid of what was about to happen. "I'm not sure what to make of it really...but lately, whenever I'm around him, it's hard to be...normal. And whenever we're apart, I keep getting this pain in my chest...I'm still not sure what it all means..." Her ears wilted, and she couldn't meet Applejack's eyes anymore. She really didn't want things to grow sour between them, but she could only imagine what was about to happen now.

"Sounds like you've got it bad, Twilight..."

Twilight met her friend's eyes again. Applejack looked...sad. Almost as if she were ready to cry...

"Please, don't hate me, Applejack," Twilight's plea forced its way out of her mouth with little resistance.

Applejack's eyes opened wide, "Whoa there, I don't hate you, Twilight..."

"B-but..." Twilight felt her confusion grow, and she swore that before the end of this, her heart wasn't the only organ of hers that was going to hurt, "we both just admitted to liking the same colt! Don't mares usually end up fighting because of that?"

All those books that she'd read on the matter don't help.

"They don't got to, Twilight," Applejack said in response, "This is the first time any of us have been in this kinda situation..."

Maybe, but you're handling it better than I am, Applejack...

"Besides, this ain't just about our feelin's for him, it's also about his feelin's for us..."

Twilight felt something surge within her. It felt like a mix of panic and even more confusion.

"W-wait, Applejack...you mean...?" Twilight asked, and Applejack could only nod quietly. "Both of us...?" Another nod.

Both of them started to blush just a little now.

"He...he can do that...?" Twilight asked.

"No, it don't work like that, and Az knows it. That's the problem..."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I stopped by his place not too long ago..." Applejack began, "He asked me what I thought of him, and I said..."

Twilight had to stop. That was almost the same question that Azure had asked her, and the one she had asked him. She wondered what his answer was. It was obvious that Applejack probably had the same feelings for him, but they seemed to start after that attack on Sweet Apple Acres. The purple mare forced herself to refocus as Applejack continued her story.

"After I told him all that, I..." She paused, "I asked if there was somethin' goin' on between you two."

Twilight's breath hitched and her heart skipped a beat. She wondered if Azure had answered, and feared what his answer actually was.

"W-what did he say?"

"He said that he couldn't answer. I guess he's still tryin' to figure it out himself..." Applejack looked sad again, and Twilight had a feeling she couldn't, even if she wanted to. "I ain't gonna lie, Twilight, when he said that, I felt like somepony bucked me in the chest."

Twilight hung her head, feeling horrible; she felt like she was the cause for her friend's pain. But Applejack didn't stop there.

"I felt like I had to leave, and Az knew why. Before I could get out the door, he'd run back into his back room and...and he was ramming his head into the wall!"

Any sadness that Twilight had gave way to shock.

"He...he what?!" It shouldn't have been so surprising, Twilight knew that, but in light of the recent events, it was. "Why would he do something like that?!"

"He was punishing himself, Twilight. He told me that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt any of us..." Applejack said. "He took it all out on himself; he felt guilty this is all happenin'. I didn't think he was having a problem like this, and we might not be makin' it any easier on him."

"Applejack, I..." Twilight hesitated, but now that everything was on the table, the bookish pony felt like she had to reveal this fact. "I also visited him today...I probably made it worse..."

The mare was caught off-guard when her friend finally rested a hoof on her shoulder.

"Hey, don't go blamin' yourself. He kept his own feelin's a secret from everypony. There was no way you could have known..."

Twilight wasn't even sure if she deserved Applejack's friendship anymore. Surely the princess could have an answer on this sort of situation?

"So...what do we do now?" Twilight asked. All the cards were on the table.

"We need to give him space. He needs time so he can clear his head and make his choice."

Applejack was right, but fear refused to go away.

But, even if he gets the time, he still has to choose one of us, Applejack! I might not know what's gonna happen next, but I know it's gonna leave somepony heartbroken...

"What if he comes to one of us, Applejack?" Twilight asked. "What then?"

"Then we need to be careful. We need to avoid doin' anything that could make it even harder on him." Twilight could only nod. Both of them were in agreement. Azure probably already felt horrible about this; his self-punishment a clear indicator of that, but there was soemthing else about this situation she was afraid of; it prevented her from being calm.

"Twilight, I want to tell you the same thing I told Az before I came over here." Applejack finally said. Twilight looked up to her.

"W-what...?"

"No matter what happens, no matter who he chooses, I want you to know we'll still be friends."
-------------------------------------------------------
Time seemed to stretch on for an eternity after Applejack left. Azure's head continued to throb, and he rubbed at the base of his horn. However, he did not regret hurting himself. He was probably still bleeding, but that was the last thing on Azure's mind. He lay back on his bed.

"Such a hard choice..." Azure laid back. "I should have listened to Silver...maybe I wouldn't have wound up hurting either of them like that..."

He looked to his bedside table. On it rested the two gifts he'd gotten for his last birthday.

On the left, Applejack's hoof-made hat. On the right, the book Twilight had gotten him. Both of them were useful gifts in their own right, but they also carried emotional attachments. Azure still wasn't sure who he would choose. He couldn't downplay Twilight's gift as something done last-second; it was probably the only thing she could think to give him, and she at least picked a genre she felt was appropriate for him.

Applejack's hat also wasn't something he could downplay; he'd be a hypocrite anyway if he did. Besides, she made it herself, and it kept his head warm when he chose to wear it outside.

It wasn't like he could consult his parents either; his father wouldn't know and his mother would probably use up a week's worth of parchment scolding him. Virid would make some snide remark, and he wasn't sure if Crimson or Virid had time to answer him anyway. Silver seemed like his only other consultant aside from Rarity, and Azure didn't know how to write braille. He didn't feel like asking Twilight about it either; it would probably only bring on more pain.

"Who do I choose? Which one calls out to me more...?" Azure closed his eyes, convinced he needed to make his decision soon.

He needed to listen to his heart closely. It was something he knew would help him.

The cyan colt closed his eyes, drifiting off into a trancelike meditation.

I hope nopony comes barging in...I need as much thinking time as I can get...