Pinkie?
…
Pinkie Pie? Are you here?
…
You better not be here again.
…
Pinkie?
…
Good.
***
Th-
“Hiya loud-voice-in-my-head!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully.
-is is exactly what I thought would happen.
“How are you?” She asked with a big smile.
I’ve been better.
“So watcha writing today? Am I in it?”
I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?
…
“ ’Th-’… what’s that mean loud-voice-in-my-head?”
It means an interrupting pink pony showed up where she shouldn’t have again.
…
“Who’s that?”
Never mind. No, you’re not in it this time Pinkie.
“Aw, I’m not?”
No, you’re not. Never again.
“Then who is?”
I’m thinking of writing about Twilight and Rainbow Dash this time.
“Twilight and Dashie? Are you going to give them a couple name like, uh, Rainbow Sparkle? No, uh, Rainlight Sparash? No…”
You mean like Twidash?
“Don’t be silly. No one will go for a name like that.”
Right. While you work on that, I’ll get back to the writing you interrupted.
***
Th-
“I have an idea!” Pinkie shouted happily.
-at was what I thought would happen.
“If you’re writing about Twilight and Dashie I know the perfect thing to help you!”
What?
“Close your eyes silly, it’s a surprise.”
…
Fine. They’re closed, now what?
“Wow, you write really good with your eyes closed.”
Pinkie, the surprise?
“Oh, right. Ta-da!”
…
What is it? I can’t see it.
“The perfect thing to help.” Pinkie said simply.
…
What’s that?
“Twilight and Dashie of course.”
“Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said in a slow voice, “Where in Equestria have you dragged us this time?”
“Here.”
…
“Pinkie, I think she was hoping for a little more information than ‘here’.” Rainbow Dash explained.
“We are at this location.”
“And where, exactly, is this location?” Twilight asked.
“Nowhere.”
I see even you can’t get a straight answer out of her.
“Who said that?” Twilight asked looking around.
I did.
“And who are you?”
“That’s excessively-loud-interrupting-totally-completely-confused-gross-entirely-uncomprehending-and-stupefied-repetitive-oblivious-killjoy-takes-forever-to-continue-writing-and-still-has-no-good-ideas-unoriginal-voice-in-my-head.” Pinkie said happily.
“Who?”
“What?”
Unoriginal!?
“He’s the guy who writes the stuff and leaves when you try to help him.”
“Writes?”
Help!?
“He’s also easily confused.”
Pinkie, if I could I would so-
“He’s writing about you two, so I thought maybe you could help him.” Pinkie finished.
“So he’s an author writing about me?” Twilight asked excitedly.
“That’s what I just said Twilight.”
“So, is he transcribing my life for future generations?”
No.
“Twilight,” Rainbow dash said with a wave of her hoof, “He’s obviously writing about me and my awesomeness. You’re probably just here because I’m, like, the most important pony to hold an Element of Harmony and you were there every time I used one, right?”
That’s not it either.
“Then what are you writing?”
“A Bowlight Raintwi shipfic.” Pinkie said happily.
…
…
That’s less silly than Twidash?
“What’s that mean Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked the smiley pink pony.
“Why don’t you ask the loud-voice-in-our-heads?”
Me? Oh no, you dragged them into this, you can explain this to them.
“Alright, I will. He’s putting you together.”
…
…
“He’s making you a couple.”
“HE’S WHAT!?” Twilight and Rainbow Dash yelled together.
They seem thrilled.
“I can’t believe-”
“How can you-”
“-she’s so not my type-”
“-I do not go that way-”
“-we have nothing in common-”
“-I mean she’s cute but-”
“-you can’t do this!” They finished simultaneously.
I can, and I will.
“I will not stand for this!” Twilight said.
Then sit down.
“I can’t believe you’re putting me with…her!” Rainbow said.
“Hey!”
“No offence.”
There are worse outcomes than a simple date.
“Like what?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Well-
“No!” Pinkie Pie yelled, “No more of that!”
“No more of what, Pinkie?” Twilight asked looking concerned.
“He’s crazy! Just go along with him. He has writing skills and isn’t afraid to use them in…ways.”
“What kind of ways?”
“Ways!” Pinkie said in a haunted voice.
I see she remembers last time.
“What happened last time?” Rainbow asked, looking at her pink friend with concern.
Stuff. Stuff that I won’t have to write this time if you co-operate.
…
“Alright.” Twilight said with a defeated sigh.
“Fine.” Rainbow said, crossing her forelegs.
Good, good.
***
Th-
“Wait!”
-e story will never be complete at this rate.
“I almost forgot to tell you.” Pinkie said, “He doesn’t like to be interrupted while writing. So we should probably stay quiet.”
…
Pinkie.
“Yes?”
Thank you so much.
…
“Was that sarcasm?”
“Gee, ya think?” Rainbow Dash said.
***
The beautiful light of the sunrise shone on Twilight Sparkle through the window. She blinked her eyes and sat up, her mane-
“What time was it?” Twilight asked.
What?
“I asked, what time was it?” Twilight repeated.
I said it was sunrise.
“Yes, but sunrise is an imprecise device for telling time.” The purple mare explained, “The exact time of sunrise changes seasonally and geographically, meaning that depending on the season and my location the exact time I am waking up would change.”
“Why does it matter?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Because I want to make sure I have enough time to prepare for the day, Rainbow Dash. I usually wake up at six A.M. to be sure I have enough time to get ready.”
Can I continue now?
***
It was exactly six o’clock in the morning, midsummer in Ponyville when-
“Midsummer?” Twilight asked.
It’s good enough Twilight.
“Not for me it isn’t.”
Well you’re not the one writing the story, are you?
***
-the beautiful light of the sunrise shone on Twilight Sparkle through the window. She-
“’Through the window’?” Twilight asked.
What’s wrong with that?
“It’s kind of redundant, isn’t it? Like saying the water came through the pipes, or magic through a horn.”
What’s your point?
“Change it.”
Alright, Fine.
***
-the beautiful light of the sunrise shone on Twilight Sparkle as she lay in bed. She blinked her eyes and sat up, her mane a complete mess behind her head.
“What a beautiful day.” She said as she looked out her window at Celestia’s sunrise.
Today’s the day, she thought to herself as she got out of bed. She walked over to her vanity and-
“What’s a vanity?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Of course.
“A vanity is a dressing table used to apply makeup, preen, and coif manes.” Twilight explained. “The table is normally quite low and similar to a desk, with drawers and one or more mirrors atop.”
…
“What’s coif mean?”
“It means to style or arrange a mane.” The bookworm replied.
Thank you dictionary.
“I’m not a-”
Moving on.
***
-picked up her hairbrush.
“How?” Twilight asked.
How what!?
“How did I pick up the hairbrush? Was with my magic? My hooves? My mouth?”
Listen you-
“Twilight there’s no reason to be so precise.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Of course there is. The attention is in the details.”
But if there’s too many details, you lose the story Twilight.
“If there’s too few details, you will lose the audience.” She rebutted.
“The way you want him to write the audience won’t care,” Rainbow Dash told Twilight, “They’ll be asleep.”
“And the way you want him to write will make it seem amateurish.”
“I’ve read some books Twilight. I know from what I’ve read it’ll be fine.”
“You’ve read some books? What, Daring Do? I have read more books than you can hope to in your entire life! I live in a library for Celestia’s sake! And you are trying to lecture me on how to write?”
Uh, girls-
“Are you calling me stupid?”
“No, I’m just saying you are in a race you can’t win, Rainbow. There is no way in all of Equestria you have a chance of beating me at reading, let alone come close to catching up.”
“A race I can’t win! Me! The amazing and awesome Rainbow Dash! The fastest flyer in all of Equestria! As if you’d ever have a chance of beating me in a race!”
“I already did! Or did you forget? I still have the medal if it will jog your memory.”
Girls-
“That doesn’t count! You had a handicap because my wings were tied behind my back and I had to keep AJ from winning!”
“Keep AJ from winning!? You mean cheat so that you would win instead of her? Just so that you could rub it in her face that you were better?”
“It wasn’t cheating!”
“IT WASN’T CHEATING!? What in Equestria do you call it then!?”
“I call it…opposition…distraction? Yeah, opposition distraction to win.”
Oh why me. Why, why me.
“Want some popcorn distraught-loud-voice-in-my-head?” Pinkie Pie asked cheerfully.
Popcorn? Where’d you get popcorn?
“From my mane.”
Why do you have popcorn in your mane?
“Because my tail is full of chips, duh. You should know this.”
Of course. How silly of me.
“A spy! Why in Equestria would you think I’m a spy!?”
Pinkie, how do you get it to stay put in your mane?
“I don’t know inquisitive-distraught-loud-voice-in-my-head.”
You don’t know?
“A turtle suits me just fine!”
“How do we ponies pick up objects with our hooves? How do pegasususes touch clouds? How do Celestia and Luna control the Sun and Moon if their locations in the sky are based off the rotation of the planet?”
“How could I know my future self didn’t come to warn me of a disaster!?”
Uh…Magnets?
“Magnets?”
“I am not lazy! I’m a selective participator!”
Alright, I don’t think there is a way to scientifically explain them.
“Exactly. Which leaves the obvious explanations, Plot Convenience and Creative Leeway.”
What?
“That’s it!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
***
“Hurr duurr,” Twilight Sparkle said, “I’m a stupid alicorn! Look at my big horn and wings! Aren’t I special! I spend all my time reading and learning spells I’ll never have to use! Hurr de durrrrrrrr!”
“Oh no she didn’t!”
“Two can play at that game Rainbow!” Twilight yelled back.
***
Just then Rainbow Dash crashed through the roof of the library. Again.
“Oh, I’m so sorry Princess Twilight Sparkle, former student of Princess Celestia, our ruler, and highly honoured graduate of Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns for crashing through your roof. Again. I am just a lazy pegasus who doesn’t know better.” The rainbow-maned mare said, bowing before the Princess.
Hey! This is not the way the story goes! You can’t just-
***
The awesomely cool pegasus stood up from the floor. “I’m sorry your oh-so-highness. I was busy doing my job critical to the survival of the land and didn’t see where I was going.”
The princess took a step closer to the commonpony. “Not seeing where you were going, that could explain why you crash land so often. Or, maybe it’s your big head throwing off your aerodynamics.”
“It may explain why I crash land so often,” The totally radical pegasus responded as she took a step towards the pompous princess, “But what’s your excuse? The Egghead’s Guide to Flying checked out of the library you live in?”
“Actually, I think it’s the training you gave me paying off. You know, for the wings I got after I transformed from being the most powerful unicorn in Equestria to the third most powerful alicorn in existence.” The admirable alicorn said as she took another step towards the brash crasher.
“And what, exactly, are you a princess of, princess?” The amazingly awesome flyer asked as she stepped closer to the disinteresting alicorn. “The sun? No. The moon? No. Oh wait, I know. The Ponyville Library.”
“Can you guys keep it down?” Twilight Sparkle’s amazing number one assistant Spike asked form where he was sleeping as the two mares stared each other down. He had done a lot of work the previous day, and wanted to use all the little time he had to sleep.
Wait, what? Where’d-
***
“You heard my dragon assistant I hatched myself using my powerful magic, Rainbow Crash.” The incredibly powerful Twilight said to the featherbrained buffoon Rainbow. “It is impolite to yell in a library filled with words you can’t understand, after all.”
“Darling’s, please!” The stunningly beautiful and incredibly talented Rarity asked as she swept into the room, an amazing dress draped across her gorgeous body, “Can’t we all just get along?”
How did-
***
“Listen to the amazingly overwhelmingly beautiful lady, guys.” Spike said as he kissed her perfect hoof, “She is absolutely right after all, being completely perfect as she is.”
The perfect white unicorn stepped past the little assistant and up to her two feuding best friends. “I know we can work this out, we just need to try.”
“Please, I-I really don’t like to see you fight like this.”
What’s that say, I-
***
“I’m sorry, being the stupid alicorn I am, I apologise to my kind hardworking friend.”
“You have nothing to apologise for oh incredibly intelligent princess. It was me, the lazy dolt, who should apologize.”
“Some of us actually have to work, princess.”
“Maybe you should join them, you’d learn something.”
This was supposed to be a love story!
***
“Maybe we should just let them work out their relationship issues by themselves, guys.” Pinkie Pie said from where she was sitting eating her popcorn.
“We do NOT have relationship issues!” They calmly informed the insane mare.
“Doesn’t sound that way to me.”
Stop arguing!
***
“Well, well, well,” the all-powerful draconequus spirit of chaos said from beside Fluttershy, “Looks like they’re experiencing some…discord.”
“Please don’t ever do that joke again.”
Guys, stop!
***
“WE THINK IT IS TIME WE INTERVENE, BEFORE OUR SISTER ARRIVES TO CLAIM THE CREDIT.” The mare of the moon said using her earshatteringly loud Royal Canterlot Voice to be heard clearly throughout the really small room.
When did the room get so crowded?
***
“I am right next to you, dear sister.” The princess of the sun said from beside her extremely loud little sister. “And why would you think I’d claim the credit?”
“Claim the credit. Doesn’t that sound familiar, Twilight? How much of my work do you claim as your own when you write to the princess, hmmm?”
STOP THIS FIGHTING NOW!
***
“I would never need to, Rainbow. I do a lot of work myself, completely without your help. You, on the other hand…”
GUYS! STOP!
***
“I do a lot of hard work! And I practice my flight skills!”
SERIOUSLY, GUYS, STOP!
***
“Then how come whenever I see you, you’re napping or goofing off!”
PLEASE STOP!
***
“How come whenever I see you you’re checking off lists and reading your books!” Rainbow Dash said, pressing her forehead against Twilight's.
GUYS!
***
“Maybe because that’s my job!” Twilight responded, pushing back against Rainbow. “Featherbrain!”
STOP!
***
“Egghead!”
Angry magenta eyes locked with equally as angry purple ones and the two ponies tried to glare each other down. Neither would give.
And then they kissed.
…
…
…
…
…
…
I win.
…
Ha.
***
And then they-
“Yuck!” Rainbow yelled as she spun away from Twilight.
“I can’t believe you kissed me!” Twilight yelled at Rainbow Dash.
“You kissed me!”
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“Wasn’t that sweet?” Pinkie Pie asked the two mares. They both glared daggers at her.
Well it looks like I got the ending I wanted, even if the story was wrong.
“I can’t believe you thought we’d ever go together.” Rainbow Dash yelled.
I don’t know, it still seems like it could work-
“As if!”
“Let’s never speak of this again.”
“Agreed.”
…
“Pinkie.”
“What?”
“Do you promise not to speak of this again?”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Cause if you mess with Pinkie Pie, you better kiss your flank goodbye.”
I don’t remember that last part.
“Good. Let’s get out of here.”
Maybe now I’ll actually get a story done.
“What do you mean finally-successful-inquisitive-distraught-loud-voice-in-my-head?” Pinkie asked “I think this one is good.”
But I didn’t write most of it.
“Of course you did, silly. Who else could have?”
You and Rainbow and Twilight and the others, that’s who.
“We couldn’t have written that,” She said with a giggle “We’re just figments of someone’s imagination on paper. We can’t control what’s written about us.”
But…
“Now hurry up and end this, Twilight and Dashie have already left.”
How should I-
“Oh, we forgot the theme song!”