Show me the way to go Home
A result of boredom and a random forum RP. Seemed like an idea at the time.
Ponies are Hazbo and I apologies in advance for stealing them for use as a plot device and setting.
One Heck of a Night
The universe is a factory. Stars are built from the simplest of matter, Hydrogen. At their tumultuous core many complex elements are forged, ejected to form Planets on which things start to get really interesting.
Take this small blue planet, known to its inhabitance as ‘Earth’. Floating around the relatively unremarkable star ‘Sol’, Earth is one of the infinitesimally small number of planets ever to achieve its ultimate goal; The emergence of moderately intelligent life. For intelligence leads to sentience. Sentience, while initially leading to a lot of daft questions, ultimately leads to creativity. For it is imagination that powers creation.
Beyond the impassable walls of the known cosmos, billions of new realities are spawned every moment by the various intelligent beings that scurry along the surface of this universal baby factory. Normally these realities are oblivious to one another’s existence, but once in a while something unexpected begins, usually with but a few strokes of the pen several universes away.
Down through the atmosphere of this insignificant world, across the river Tems and down a more reputable street of London town, we find the place where the extraordinary is about to occur;
Kaylee Dian Cobble is about to have her first Vodka Blueray.
Kaylee stared down into the crystalline sapphire depths. The liquid contained within was virtually luminescent and could have passed for an expensive brand of paint thinner. Contrary to popular opinion around the table, she was not a heavy drinker, mainly due to her eightieth birthday having passed by barely two months ago. Yet somehow the rest of her recently unmasked friends had gotten the impression that this short, slightly plump Yorkshire lass was the next great philosopher when it came to the raising of the wrist.
Okay, admittedly this may have been due to her habit of only logging onto Voice chat when she had been raiding the liquor cupboard, but this was getting worryingly out of hand. Before her stood the remains of the last four concoctions that the forumites had persuaded her to try, along with two more recent additions awaiting her attention. The only positive note in all this madness was that she was yet to pay for a single drink, a relief made all the greater by her lack of ID card.
Still, that’s what this whole trip was about, right? A night on the town, surrounded by her fellows from MPEAS (the Mon Petite Equestrian Appreciation Society) and getting to know the real people behind the avatars. So far it had been a ruckus evening of dancing and general silliness with barely a mention of the animated show that had brought them together in the first place. Of this, Kaylee was thankful; there was only so much pony one could ingest in a single sitting. It had been one of her greatest hesitations about coming to the meet in the first place, the fear that it may turn out to be an entire night of listening to sweaty man-children complaining about ‘inconsistencies in continuity’. It had been quite a difficult gremlin to dispel.
But just as she had been privately hoping, the digital congress had proven to be just as cool in real life, albeit personal descriptions may have undergone some exaggeration.
For instance; ‘Limmericus’, a polish physics-student named Borviki, was apparently not the ‘athletic type’ at all, but built like a bean pole upon which had been skewered a mop of disobedient black hair.
Perhaps most surprisingly, ‘Aspirin’ had turned out to be a skittish sixteen year old boy called Darrel, rather than the female aeronautical engineer that he had claimed. This had proven quite the disappointment for ‘Vicky17’, who was a female aeronautical engineer and had been looking forward to swapping tech talk.
Lastly, there was Jake. ‘Jzero’ on the forums, Jake was one of the few present that Kaylee felt she already knew inside out. Long had been the evening spent in private chat, not to mention the many hours of writing put into their joint fanfics. Here was where things got awkward. Despite the heavily set man being entirely honest with his unseen creative partner about every aspect of his life, she hadn’t been nearly as open. As it was they had spent the first few hours at an uneasy stalemate, Jake glancing only occasionally in her direction and Kaylee remaining silently ashamed.
Thankfully, free flowing booze had done much to sooth the initial awkwardness and all of the renewed friends were having a roaring time.
“OH! Has our own ‘Cherry’ finally met her match!?” Came the voice of daring, Vicky enjoying every moment of the inexperienced youngster’s comeuppance.
Without braking eye contact with the caustic blue substance, Kaylee lifted the glass and upended the contents down her throat to a round of elated cheers. Finding herself drunk from the legs down, the chubby girl flopped back onto her seat and descended into a giggling fit.
“Well answered my dear!” Borviki practically yelled above the thumping bass, finishing his own drink with a cry of “Skol!”
**** Sometime Later****
In her short life, Kaylee had woken up in a lot of very strange places. Other people's gardens were a norm, trees were an occasional deviation and once she'd woken up on a train to Edinburgh with no memory of boarding. When you’re a light weight with interesting friends, such things quickly become par for the course.
None had been quite as orange as this one though.
Last she could remember was asking Vicky to name a drink that didn’t come in pints. The flaming multicoloured beverage that had been delivered had been quite pleasing. That had been around... elevenish? Yeah that sounded right, one club an hour and they'd been in the Slaughtered Yam Tavern. Maybe.
And now her everything ached. Her legs and arms felt like lead weights had been attached at the joints and gut-rot was currently playing havoc with her innards. And the world she'd opened her burning eyes too was, well… Orange. It was the only way to describe it; this place was very orange.
Letting out a quiet moan, the girl winced as the echo of her melancholy rebounded back to her sensitive ears. With vision gradually clearing, Kaylee rolled over onto her hands and knees and lifted her head to try and look around. The orange world remained and her head felt abnormally heavy. With a self despairing sigh, she tried to shake off the traffic cone, resorting to pushing its edge with a cumbersome hand.
Shielding her eyes to the initial burst of light, Kaylee groggily assessed her surroundings. The grassy banks of a babbling stream presented itself to her blurry vision. For a moment the spinning scene appeared to be some kind of peaceful park, not a good sign as inner London was not widely known for its lush forests. Trees grew thickly on either side of the meandering river and she herself appeared to be slumped in a ferny bushel. Her thick mousy brown mane dropped across half of her face as it reclaimed the territory lost to the cone. Blowing at it irritably she pushed herself up onto her haunches and looked around for any sign of civilization. The scenery was about as wild as you could get.
Nauseous gurgles bubbled in her stomach as she gave her fuzzy white belly a comforting rub. A pat on her flanks confirmed that she no longer had her mobile, though at least there was no one around to notice her nakeditty. Standing proved a little more of a challenge then sitting down for the moment, her spine hurt along with the wicked dizziness the sudden vertical demands brought. Best to just sit here for a few minutes to collect her thoughts. Where was everyone else?
The floppy mane was tickling her eyes again and she absentmindedly pushed it away with a slightly muddy hoof. There'd been at least eight or nine of them in ‘The Hive’, and that was only the beginning of the evening, surly they wouldn't have let here wander off-
...Wait a minute.
Mane.
Tail.
Fuzzy belly....
…Hoof.
Several flocks of birds rocketed skyward from the canopy as the Filly's scream filled the normally tranquil forest.
Quite suddenly the shrieks were cut short as the mare felt the previous night's revelry make a second visitation. Retracting her head from the bush with the lopsided pallid grimace of all hangover lightweights, Kaylee looked down again and resumed her panic in earnest. Clawing at her own hooves and rolling around on the forest floor, she tried to free herself from the costume or whatever abhorrent hallucination this was. When it seemed that no humorous joke was in play, she collapsed from dizziness and lay on the forest floor panting. This was defiantly going to be a very bad day. She felt sick all over again, but more from the revelation then the alcohol.
Last night she'd been on the town with friends, having a whale of a time and reveling in her recently cashed pay check. Now she was apparently a diminutive horse, alone, lost in a dark forest and worst still, naked except for a thin coat of fuzz.
Oh well. Sitting here wasn't curing anything. Gingerly she leaned some weight on her hands and pushed herself upright onto untested hooves. It was difficult to move all four limbs appropriately, partly due to some knee joints now being backwards, but mostly because she was still a little drunk. Maybe that's why she was taking this so well?
Walking as though her forelegs were more of a crutch then an extra pair of limbs, Kaylee picked her way about the small clearing looking for anything useful. There was a distinct lack of any human tool or clothing, though she did make the discovery of two wings dragging limply alongside her. That changed matters somewhat at least. She was now diminutive 'Pegasus', lost in a dark forest and naked except for a thin coat of fuzz AND feathers.
Well, if girl guides had taught her anything, it was how to hike back to camp if you got separated from the grou. This hadn’t been part of any official guides trainining of course, just something she had picked up during a string of bad ideas. If there was any civilization to be found it should be...dooowwwnn-up stream, yes upstream. Everyone needs water and water is freshest upstream.
A tiny part of her that was still sober held up a card displaying the flaw in her logic, but was promptly ignored for being too needy. In any case, now wasn't a time for deliberation, now was a time for action and possibly screaming. But she needed something first. Looking around the clearing the short mare spotted the small traffic cone that had been stuck around her head upon waking. It shouldn't have been important, but darn it that orange diverter of traffic was possibly the last vestige of her humanity. Thing was, grabbing it without fingers proved to be quite the challenge. Eventually she gave up, kicked it around until the hole faced her and the end was against a tree, lowered her head and shoved.
Not the most practical of affairs, but it was easier then carrying it in her mouth. With the cone standing proudly atop her head, Kaylee turned to the awaiting stream and began to follow its current.
Nearly half an hour later and she was still just as horribly lost.
“Show me the way to go home,” Sang the paint Pegasus pony, mournfully. “I'm tired an' I wana go to bed.”
In the dense undergrowth her parched voice didn't seem to travel very far at all and she had given up yelling after only a few minutes. Walking with four legs had proven an interesting experience, though found things allot easier once she had rhythm going. In fact the was now almost trotting, finding the one-two pace easier to keep then coordinating all four limbs at once.
This did however come with the slight disadvantage that she would fall over whenever she tried to slow down, her front caked in mud from several earlier mishaps. Unfortunately her plan was not going very well either. The stream had disappeared into thick brushwood and now she was just aimlessly going west and hoping to find a warn trail. Oddly though, she could swear that the rustling of the trees sounded like voices of other people nearby. As she turned her head the sounds of the forest shifted in an unfamiliar doppler effect. The voices weren’t coming from the trees. What was more, they were getting louder.
''Ah had a little drink 'bout an hour ago an' it's gone straight too my head.” She carried on, picking her way uncertainly through the underbrush.
“Where ever I may roam...” The voices stopped as she pushed through a thick Rosemary bush,
“...By land or sea or foam. You will always hear me singing this song.”
Brambles clung to her dusty white fur and unwieldy wings as the filly pressed on, using the cone as a kind of ram to push the foliage ahead of her.
"Show me, the way, to, go...Oh?"
Emerging into the light of a forest path, two ponies stood staring at her baffling appearance. One was a bright yellow Earth pony, the other a speckled work horse, both wearing a look of the chronically hungover.
There are some instincts so ingrained that they can overcome even a species barrier. Kaylee's modesty was one of these.
'Dear, you're still naked'
Wings that had hung limply up till now suddenly sprang forwards and wrapped around her front like a shield against the world. With the added presence of the traffic cone and mud, the effect was reminiscent of a slightly feathery upside down cake.
“Ummmm...” She muttered, befuddled and slightly irritated at her own over reaction “Nice day for a walk in the woods?”
“Kaylee?” Squinted the earth pony, bafflement pushing through its raging headache, “Is that you hun?”
*****
Author; Celestia knows where this one is going. Back to AHK tomorrow everyone.