Foal
By The Rated Ponystar
Edited by Starfall and Apple Cinnamon
Artwork done by RatofDrawn
***
Last night plagued Applejack to the point where she found herself waking up even earlier than normal. It was still dark; the sun wouldn’t be up for at least another hour. With nothing else to do, she resigned herself to staring at the ceiling, wondering about last night’s events. Dash coming home drunk wasn’t uncommon—sometimes Applejack herself was co-companying her—but she’d never seen her as plastered as she was last night. The foal talk was obviously the reason, but why? What would drive Dash to not only act so irrationally, but also cry at the same time? Somewhat like herself, Dash always made sure to hide weakness from others. The pegasus was too proud to admit when she needed help or when an issue was bothering her. And apparently foals were one of those issues.
No, not foals themselves. Raising foals, Applejack reminded herself. She said she was ‘unworthy of having them’, but why?
Rainbow Dash may have been brash, but Applejack had every confidence that she could be a good parent. And while she wasn’t close to many children except Scootaloo, who had practically worshiped Dash since the two first met, her wife had never showed outright disapproval of foals. In fact, she loved having them cheer her name.
But the biggest thing on Applejack’s mind was that name: Spectrum.
Applejack had never heard it before, nor could she remember Rainbow Dash even mentioning it. Is this pony a friend? A family member? Dash never says anything about her family. Said they all just dropped out of contact years ago.
A sudden realization came to Applejack, like a whip against her flank. She knew almost nothing of Rainbow’s past, or her family life. There were some things she knew about, like her friendship with Fluttershy or her days at flight school, but not once did they ever talk about her life growing up in Cloudsdale or any of the friends and relationships she had had before coming to Ponyville. Hay, when it came to having guests at their wedding Rainbow Dash had just said none of her family would be attending. Applejack had always assumed her family problems were because of her preference for mares. Ah’m married to a pony whose past Ah don’t know, even after knowin’ her for years.
She needed to find this Spectrum pony, or at least learn who he or she was. If anything, it would help her find out what was bothering Dash. And there was only one pony Applejack knew that could help her find this Spectrum character: Pinkie Pie. She knew everypony in Ponyville—and many outside of town—so there was a good chance that she would know who Spectrum was.
Applejack was so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed the morning caw of the rooster. Groaning, she rose out of bed and made her way to the bathroom, performing her daily hygiene rituals. Cleaned and ready for another work day, she went into the living room, spotting Rainbow Dash still asleep on the couch. She quietly walked over and saw something that made Applejack’s heart clench up.
Tear marks.
Oh, Rainbow… Applejack sat on her haunches and stroked Dash’s mane with one hoof while wiping away the marks with the other. She would love nothing more than to hug her Dashie; to kiss her and tell her that everything was alright. She was still angry at her for pushing aside her dream for foals without remorse, but it would take more than one disagreement to ruin what they had. Not to mention they had had worse fights than this one. What mattered more was finding out what was bothering Rainbow and fixing it, even if she had to force it out of the stubborn Wonderbolt. All Ah wanted was for us to have a family. When did this get more complicated than it already was?
With a kiss to Rainbow’s forehead, Applejack left the house, no worse for wear than when she woke up.
***
When Applejack told her brother and the other workers she was taking the day off, the result was as she expected. Most of them just stared at her like she had suddenly grown six legs; others were wondering if it was a sign of the apocalypse. Even Applejack herself admitted it was strange behavior on her part, but Dash was more important to her than knocking down apples. Plus, the sooner she solved this mystery, the sooner everything could go back to normal.
Making her way down towards Sugarcube Corner, Applejack wondered if that would really be the case. Helping Rainbow Dash with whatever problem she was dealing with was the goal she had in mind, but what of the motive? Am Ah just doin’ this to help Rainbow Dash? Or am Ah doin’ this because Ah might be able to convince her to have foals, too?
She didn’t want the second reason to be the truth, but there was no denying that she still wanted Rainbow Dash to change her mind. Turning her head, she saw a unicorn levitating a bottle of milk to a foal that was riding a baby carriage, the mare’s smile bringing warmth to Applejack’s heart. It was that feeling that Applejack longed to have in her life. It was the missing piece to her dream and she had never wanted anything as badly as a little one to cuddle with.
Yet, was it wrong to feel this? She was concerned for Dash, of course, but she didn’t want to be doing this just so she could have a foal. Focus on what yer doin’ now, Applejack. Find Pinkie Pie and see if she knows who Spectrum is. Worry about yer other feelings later.
A jingle from the bell above the door rang as Applejack entered Sugarcube Corner. Naturally, she saw the twins, Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake, working at the counter. They saw her come in and rushed forward.
“Hiya, Applejack!” said the two in synchronization.
“Would you like to—“ started Pound Cake.
“—try one of our new, special—“ continued Pumpkin Cake.
“—extra delicious—“
“—super fantastic—“
“—twin dark and white chocolate mixed cupcakes?!” asked the twins with bright smiles.
Applejack chuckled. “Actually, Ah’m here to see Pinkie Pie.”
“Oh, sure!” said Pumpkin Cake, nodding.
“Just one second!” said Pound Cake, holding his hoof out.
“Auntie Pinkie Pie! Applejack is here to see you!” they yelled in the direction of the kitchen. Applejack covered her ears as the house shook from the power of their combined voices.
“Be right there!” shouted a cheery voice from the back. A few seconds later, Pinkie Pie came bouncing through the door, licking specks of frosting off her lips. “Can you two go out back and watch those cupcakes I’m making?”
“You got it, Auntie Pinkie!” acknowledged the twins, who rushed into the kitchen.
“I never get tired of how they do that. Do you?” asked Pinkie Pie, giggling.
“Only when they don’t speak in a normal tone,” muttered Applejack, rubbing her ears. “Anyway, Pinkie Pie, Ah need yer help with somethin’.”
“No problem! What is it? Solving a mystery?” asked Pinkie Pie, donning her favorite detective’s hat and magnifying glass. She peered into Applejack’s eyes, making the famer step back a bit. “Or are we going on an exploration?!” Just as quickly, she exchanged her outfit for one featuring a safari hat and machete. Applejack gulped as Pinkie swung it around, chopping off the top of a nearby cake. “I know! It’s somepony’s birthday party! Am I right?!” Pinkie threw away the survivalist gear in exchange for a party hat—placing another one on Applejack’s head—while blowing a kazoo and sprinkling confetti everywhere.
Even after all these years, Applejack still had no idea how Pinkie was able to do these things. Then again, she wouldn’t be Pinkie Pie if she didn’t.
“None a that stuff, Pinkie,” answered Applejack, pulling off the party hat. “Ah need ya tell me if ya know a certain pony.”
The kazooing slowly died down until it died completely. Tossing her party stuff away, Pinkie took out a big red notebook that had lots of papers and sticky notes between the pages “Sure, just tell me who ya need to find!”
“Somepony named Spectrum. Do ya know him or her?” asked Applejack, praying that she wouldn’t be let down.
Pinkie flipped her notebook open and went through the pages faster than even Twilight could have done. Loose pages, notes, and even a few balloons were scattered around during the search. It went on for a while, making Applejack worry that her only possible lead was going to hit a dead end. Her fears were soon realized as Pinkie slammed her book shut, her ears folded back. “Sorry, Applejack. I don’t know anypony by that name.”
Holding back a curse, Applejack sighed and lowered her head. “Well, so much for that plan.”
“Why do you need to find this pony anyway? Somepony you know?” asked Pinkie.
“Nope, but Ah think Dash does,” said Applejack.
She proceeded to tell Pinkie what had happened. Pinkie had, naturally, been excited when Applejack said she wanted to have foals. Her enthusiasm quickly changed when the part about Dash’s reaction came up. She expressed her shared confusion and shock at Dash’s outrage before staying silent for the rest of the tale. “… and then Big Macintosh brought her home. She was drunker than a hobo in a Manehatten park. Not only that, but she cried in her sleep last night and kept saying she was sorry to somepony named Spectrum. Ah ain’t no detective, but Ah think that pony’s related to all this somehow. If Ah can either get Dash to come clean with me on what her deal is or find out who Spectrum is, Ah might be able to help her.”
“I’m really sorry I can’t help you find this pony, Applejack,” apologized Pinkie, frowning. She quickly replaced it with a look of determination. “But I’ll keep looking! I’ll find out more about this Spectrum even if I have to search all of Equestria!”
“Thanks, sugarcube. Maybe there are other ponies Dash knows that Ah can talk to; they might have more information,” reasoned Applejack.
Pinkie suddenly gasped. “Fluttershy!”
“Yeah, Fluttershy would be a good start,” said Applejack, nodding. Pinkie then put her hooves on Applejack’s head and forced her to turn around. Right by the front of the door was the said pegasus, who was looking at her friends with a puzzled expression. “Fluttershy!”
“Um, yes? Is something wrong?” asked Fluttershy, nervously shifting her hooves.
Applejack turned the rest of her body and walked up to her shy friend. “Thank goodness Ah found ya. Listen, Ah need yer help. Can ya tell me who Spectrum is?”
Neither Applejack nor Pinkie Pie expected Fluttershy to gasp and put her hooves to her mouth. Her eyes widened and began to get misty. She slowly removed her hooves from her snout and gulped. “H-how do y-you know that n-name?”
Hesitantly, Applejack proceeded to tell the same story all over again; only this time, Fluttershy’s expression got worse as it went on. It was like she wanted to start crying, but was holding herself back as hard as she could. When it got to the point where Rainbow Dash said she wasn’t worthy of a foal, that was the last straw. Fluttershy fell to her ground, burying her head into her hooves as her sobs echoed across the store. Applejack and Pinkie Pie were stunned at first, but quickly comforted the crying mare, letting her rest on their shoulders.
When she finally stopped, Fluttershy begged Applejack to continue the story, and when it was finished she stared at the ground in silence. Nopony said anything, not even the twins, who were peeking out of the backdoor to see the source of the commotion. Finally, Applejack heard Fluttershy mumble, “Even after all these years... she still blames herself…”
“Fluttershy,” addressed Applejack, getting her attention. “Ya know who Spectrum is, right?”
Fluttershy slowly nodded. “Yes, but I can’t tell you.” Applejack opened her mouth to argue, but Fluttershy interrupted her. “I promised Dash long ago to never talk about him! She made me swear to never mention him to anypony here in Ponyville. I can’t do that to her, Applejack. I just can’t!”
Applejack faintly heard Pinkie mumble “...forever...,” but ignored it. As much as she wanted to press the issue further, one look at Fluttershy’s face and even she couldn’t find it in her heart to argue. She only nodded and thanked her friend before heading towards the door. Just as she was about to leave, Fluttershy called out, “Applejack! Please… please take care of her.”
Applejack nodded again, before stepping out into the street. She wasn’t going back to work this time, though. She was heading home for a confrontation.
***
It took a lot of aspirin, a cold shower, and some of the funky homemade energy drink that Spitfire gave her the recipe to before Rainbow Dash could feel the last of her hangover fade away. Lying on the couch, clutching her head, she thought, When in the seven layers of Tartarus did I drink so much? Oh, right… last night….
Admittedly, she could have handled the situation better. It just happened so fast that Rainbow Dash didn’t know what to think. Her? With foals? It couldn’t happen. It could never happen. Not after—Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut and shook her head. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
Besides, she made her statement clear last night. She didn’t want foals, or the responsibility. Yet she knew Applejack wasn’t going to give up on this easily. Earth ponies were very stubborn in their nature, and Apples were the most stubborn of them all. There was also the fact that Applejack really sounded like she wanted foals and Rainbow Dash would be the first to agree that she would make a good mother.
She touched the locket of hair around her neck, a small smile stretching her lips. After her proposal, Applejack insisted on doing something similar and used a bit of her mane instead of a feather. It was the best gift Rainbow Dash had ever received. Applejack really was too perfect for her. She was strong, brave, kind and motherly, and could be trusted with any pony, even a foal.
Dash just couldn’t trust herself with a foal. Not after—Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
She had to be strong. She had to be vigilant. She swore long ago that she would pay for her mistake and this was the price. Even if it meant hurting Applejack, she wouldn’t allow herself to fail and have somepony else get hurt because of her.
The door opened and shut, alerting Dash to Applejack’s arrival. She turned to the clock and gulped. It was way too early for Applejack to be done working at the farm. Doing her best to keep calm, Rainbow Dash forced a smile as Applejack walked in. Just the firm look on her face was enough to let Dash know that this conversation was not going to be pleasant.
The two of them stared at each other, silence between them. Clearing her throat, Rainbow Dash inquired, “Um, aren’t you supposed to be working in the fields?”
“Took the day off,” declared Applejack, ignoring Dash’s shocked expression. “Besides, we need to talk.”
Rainbow Dash did her best to ignore the pressing glare she was getting by giving off one of her own. “What’s there to talk about? I said no.”
“Ah know ya did, but what Ah want to know is why?” Applejack stepped forward, looking down at the squirming Rainbow Dash. “Ah’ve known ya for almost eight years, Dash. Ah’ve seen ya hang out with fillies and colts, give them rides on yer back, even save them when there was danger. Sometimes it all went to yer head, but ya always had good intentions. What difference does it make raisin’ a foal compared to spendin’ time with one?”
“It’s… it’s different,” answered Rainbow Dash, looking away. She had to give reasons; any reason except for the real one. “You have to constantly keep watch over them. They want attention all the time and they cry, scream, poop, and more. They’re expensive and sometimes they can drive you up the wall. Besides, I’m working seven months a year out of town. It wouldn’t be right to let him or her wonder why their other parent is never around most of their life. It’s a bad lifestyle.”
Rainbow Dash wanted to pat herself on the back, but then Applejack stepped forward, shaking her head. “Well, let me tell ya somethin’. First off, Ah agree with the watchin’, but there are two of us so that means four eyes. Attention? Yes, they need attention all the time, but Ah remember a certain pegasus who was always tryin’ to get everypony to focus on her whenever she was in the air. But ya knew at times to give attention to those that needed it, like Scootaloo. Besides, yer like a big sister to her in some ways.”
“I… I’m not!” screamed Rainbow Dash, taking the earth pony by surprise. The thought of such a thing scared her. “Scootaloo and I are… we’re just friends who like flying, nothing more.”
Applejack was obviously surprised by that statement, but Rainbow Dash couldn’t think why. Scootaloo was cool and she knew the young flier admired her, but it wasn’t like either of them thought of each other as sisters. Nothing like that. Nothing like that.
Applejack fumbled with her wording a bit before she continued, “M-moving on… we all were foals once, sugarcube. We did our cryin’, dirtyin’ diapers, and made our messes. But you took care of Tank for four years, right? Wasn’t that similar? Cleanin’ up and takin’ care of him?” A small twinge of sadness pressed against Dash’s chest. She missed that old tortoise.
Applejack sat down next to Rainbow Dash, placing a hoof on her shoulder. “As for our jobs? Mah Pa used to leave town all the time to sell his apples to other towns. Sometimes we wouldn’t see in for months, but he still raised us right. All three of us turned out alright and Ah’m sure our foal would be the same. Besides, Big Macintosh and the other boys can handle the farm without me. Ah don’t mind becomin’ a stay-at-home mother fer a few years.”
“Y-you’d give up applebucking… just to raise a foal?” asked Rainbow Dash, mouth slightly open. Just how serious is she?!
“Ah love farmin’. Ah’ll love it ‘till Ah die. But there are two things Ah love more than that,” said Applejack, leaning closer and kissing Rainbow Dash on the lips. “Mah wife, and the thought of havin’ a family with her.”
“Applejack…,” whispered Rainbow Dash, staring into her passionate emerald gaze. Rainbow Dash tried to think of a counter-argument, but she came up blank. She couldn’t help but admire Applejack’s willingness to sacrifice so much to raise a foal; even she was starting to believe that both of them could really do it. Yet there was a part of her mind that was screaming; screaming to remember what happened years ago. A furious storm Terrified screams for help. A tragedy that shattered her family forever. She shut her eyes and gritted her teeth. Don’t think about it! Don’t think about it!
As if sensing her discomfort, Applejack hugged Rainbow Dash and slowly cradled her. “Dash, ya can tell me anythin’. Ah know somethin’ is botherin’ ya, just please let me help ya.” Rainbow Dash didn’t respond except to writhe in Applejack’s grip, trying to fight off the old horrors buried deep in her mind.
Sighing, Applejack asked, “Who’s Spectrum?”
And then it all came back to her. Every memory she had of him. Every laugh, cry, and funny face he had made went through her head in a split second. She could remember his smile. Even his last smile, as he struggled to keep his eyes open while she shook him over and over again, blood covering her hooves. Nine years of repressed memories returned to her as a single name echoed in her mind.
Spectrum.
She tore herself from Applejack’s grasp. Running to their bedroom where she shut the door, ignoring the knocking and pleading from Applejack, who she hated more than anything else in the world at that moment. “Leave me alone! I hate you! Just leave me alone!”
The knocking stopped. Dash held her breath as she heard the sound of hooves clopping away. When there was only silence, Dash let down her defenses and cried without any restraint. She stomped around the room, grabbing photos and other objects and smashing them against the wall. I couldn’t save him! I couldn’t save him! Why couldn’t I save him?!
She sat down and huddled next to the bed, rocking herself back and forth as the memories played in her mind over and over again. The first time she held him, looking into his curious grey eyes. She could remember him finally flying in the air after months of practice, the smile on his face beaming with joy. The first Wonderbolts show they attended together. His first day of school. All the times they played together, all the times they laughed together.
Then she remembered his last birthday, and the scarf she’d given him as a present. He loved that scarf so much; he wore around his neck all the time, even in his sleep. She could still remember it—bright blue with gold lettering that traced out the name of his favorite Wonderbolt at the time: Jetpack. Her heart clenched upon remembering the last time she saw it. So much blood… so much red…
She screamed. She screamed like she had never screamed before.
***
It was horrible. Just hearing her scream and cry made Applejack wonder if heaven itself had fallen and the cries of angels were what she was hearing. Tears dripped down Applejack’s eyes as the screaming continued. She may not have created that scream, a scream that seemed to have been repressed for Celestia knows how long, yet she was the one that allowed it to resurface. She was responsible for making her wife cry.
So much pain. So much regret in the yells that that she didn’t know it was possible to feel such anguish. It made any pain she knew personally pale in comparison; she hadn’t even felt this much pain when she lost her parents and grandparents.
The foals didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore except helping Rainbow Dash. She didn’t care if her dream never came true; she only wanted to save her love from whatever this pain was that she had been holding onto for so long. She wanted to smash down the door and help Rainbow, but she had done enough damage for one day. Walking back to the couch, Applejack sat down and waited.
The screaming lasted all afternoon and into the night. Eventually it stopped, but Applejack’s tears did not.
***
It was so peaceful, sitting up on the clouds and watching them fly by without a care. Rainbow Dash never got tired of it, and she was certain the little fella in her forelegs was enjoying them just as much too. She smiled as a small, light blue hoof rose out of the blanket that covered his entire body. Pressing her snout against the hoof, she stuck out her tongue and made other funny faces, making the foal in her arms laugh.
With a hearty smile, she gently cradled him in her arms. Her peaceful moment came to an end as she felt the wind starting to blow more harshly against her face. Wincing, she held the baby closer to her chest as her instincts began to warn her of impending danger. The clouds were starting to turn grey, the ongoing rumbling in the distance sending shivers down her spine. Gulping, Dash flapped her wings and flew into the skies, keeping a tight grip on the baby. He was still cooing, not knowing the possible danger that was creeping up on them.
His tone changed when the first lightning bolt nearly struck Rainbow Dash, and he began to cry as loudly as the coming storm. Senses on full alert, Dash kicked it into overdrive and flew as fast as she could, holding the baby even closer. Lightning crackled through the air, the flashes occasionally blinding her at times, but still she kept her focus. Thunder roared like demons from the depths of the underworld as the wind ripped off a few of her feathers. Despite the harshness of the elements, she pressed on.
She didn’t know how long she kept flying, but time didn’t matter, only a way out of this danger did. Suddenly, the wind seemed to increase its power ten times, quickly becoming too much for Dash to handle. Gritting her teeth, she flapped her wings to the point where she felt they were on fire, but she still couldn’t proceed forward. To her horror, her grip on the foal was starting to loosen, the wind assisting in her baby’s potential doom. This small distraction was enough to break her concentration and she found herself tumbling in the air as the winds swirled her around like a ragdoll. Her legs lost their grip and the blanketed foal was sent careening into the swirling storm. Rainbow Dash screamed and reached out in a futile effort to catch him, but he was beyond her reach.
The blanket was blown away, revealing a young colt with a rainbow-colored mane. The blue and yellow scarf wrapped around his neck flapped in the air as the terrifying winds continued to blow him away. He reached out with his tiny legs, grey eyes glowing with fear. “Rainbow Dash!”
***
“Spectrum! Noooo!”
Applejack shot out of her sleep in a second, making a beeline for the bedroom.
“No! No! Come back, Spectrum! Don’t leave me!”
The only thing standing between Applejack and Rainbow Dash was a single door. Too bad for it.
Applejack bucked the door, smashing it off its hinges. She found Rainbow Dash screaming and struggling on the bed as if she was possessed. Applejack dived forward and held onto her love, struggling against her unconscious flailing.
“Rainbow Dash! Wake up! It’s me! Applejack! Yer safe! Yer safe, surgarcube!” shouted Applejack, trying to reach out to the hysterical pegasus.
Rainbow Dash quickly opened her eyes and took deep breaths, taking in where she was. She slowly looked up and saw the most gentle and caring green eyes she had ever seen. Her body went limp as she leaned against Applejack’s chest, tears dampening her pelt. Applejack held on to her, whispering, “It’s okay,” and, “Ah’m here,” while kissing her face.
“Spectrum… I’m so sorry… I failed you… I failed you…” whispered Rainbow Dash.. “I could have saved you, Spectrum…”
Applejack continued to hold on to her wife, never letting go even when exhaustion took the pegasus and she went back to sleep. It was only when Dash was out of it that Applejack let herself cry.
***
Another night of no sleep, but Applejack couldn’t care less about that. She was now in full-on spouse protection mode, and she was going to get her answers one way or another. Leaving a sleeping Rainbow Dash at home, she marched out of the house and galloped towards Fluttershy’s house, near the edge of the Everfree Forest.
She didn’t care if Fluttershy had made a promise or not. This was her wife who was suffering and she didn’t care if it was something even Princess Celestia didn’t want Applejack to know. Last night she held a broken and emotionally damaged pegasus that looked like she had seen a ghost come back to haunt her. It would be a dark, cold day before she had to see that again. It was time for answers.
Applejack marched up to the front door of Fluttershy’s house and banged on it. A familiar squeak later, Applejack saw Fluttershy open the door and peek outside. Not in the mood for games, Applejack pushed the door wide open and marched in, forcing a startled Fluttershy to step back, quivering as if she were under the gaze of a dragon.
“Fluttershy, Ah need to know who Spectrum is. Now,” demanded Applejack, narrowing her eyes. A part of her regretted doing this to her gentle-hearted friend, but she would apologize later.
“I-I can’t… I…” mumbled Fluttershy. She gasped as Applejack took her by the hooves and forced her to look her straight in the eye.
“Listen to me, Fluttershy. Ah know ya made a promise, but last night Rainbow Dash had a nightmare about this Spectrum pony and she nearly ripped our bed apart. She was screamin’ so loud the dead could have heard her,” ranted Applejack. “She was cryin’, Fluttershy. Cryin’! How often have ya ever seen Rainbow Dash cry? She never does it if she can help it, but last night she was gushin’ out like a waterfall and Ah had to spend all night comfortin’ her. She never stopped wailin’; even when she fell asleep she was mumbling Spectrum’s name and Ah have never felt more useless than Ah have now!”
Applejack removed her hooves and lowered her head, bowing before a stunned Fluttershy. “Please, Fluttershy. Help me. Ah wanna help Rainbow Dash. Ah wanna help the mare Ah love. Just please…”
She held her position for as long as possible, waiting and praying for an answer; then, she heard a single small mutter. “Her brother.”
Applejack’s eyes widened as she looked up at a saddened Fluttershy. “Spectrum… was Rainbow Dash’s younger brother… he died nine years ago.”