//------------------------------// // A Waste of Space // Story: Short Scraps and Explosions // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// This was written spontaneously in a span of two hours on April 1st. This story could have gone in a million different ways, but I ultimately settled for something super simple. Partially because I was lazy, partially because I knew people would mostly not understand what I was unleashing on the Internet. Before poni poni poni, I wrote a shitton of Teen Titans fanfiction. It was all horrible stuff, just like the stuff I'm writing now is horrible. I did, however, enjoy writing the stuff that I did, and I met a lot of fantastic friends and even had a message board dedicated to my work for a year or two. But, all things must pass, and soon I lost my will to write all of the epic superhero stuff. Still, the legacy of the characters and Gary Stuisms that I dealt with stayed nestled in my heart, as well as in many deep-hearted conversations with blood brother(s) across the Net. For years, I tried and tried to revive the epic shiet of my past, but it went nowhere. As my thirtieth birthday rolled around, I was starting to feel stupidly nostalgic (I wonder why), so I thought that the first of April would be an opportune moment to write something in a blog that was as awkward and sentimental as this. I didn't expect many people to understand it, but that was fine. It was written almost entirely for myself. Special mention: The character of "Bard" belongs to my good friend and life-partner, Lord Belgarion. The dude's a better writer than me, and he's really dayum good at fantasy. Check out the Larin Invasion. You won't be disappointed. The tower is a creepy and lonely place, much like the world under the dark veil that had been draw over my black eyes. Snarling, I shredded the awning fabric apart with Myrkblade and glared towards where my attacker was perched. “Somehow, you always fart your way out of my traps, ghost boy,” Jinx hissed with a sly grin. She forward-flipped off the third story balcony, twirled across the rubble-strewn intersection towards me, and skidded to a stop with both wrists flung forward. “Haaaa!” A wave of pink hex flew my way, lighting up the night's sky. I sliced it in half with my warbling blade, but the resulting blow knocked me back on my boots. I slid past Cyborg who was currently entangled with Wildebeest. “Nnnngh!” Vic shouted, his red eye pulsing as he summoned a sonic wave of energy through his limbs. “I am sick... and tired... of this BULL!” What followed was an echo of pulverising sound as he flung his fist across Wildebeest's chin and followed it up with glowing blue cannon aimed straight into the villain's bovine muzzle. “Suck on some decibles, you walking Burger King special!” The sonic blast sent the hulking, horned brawler flying backwards and into a semi-truck engine left abandoned in the middle of the city street. A green gorilla stumbled over and bent a metal streetsign around Wildebeest to hold him in place. Shrinking down to an emerald elf, Beast Boy frowned Cyborg's way. “Could we kick butt with slightly less meat jokes?” “Buzz off, BB!” Cyborg grumbled, eyeing the rooftops for Jinx. “I'm not in the mood!” “Seriously, dude!” Beast Boy pointed. “Just switch off the Lifetime App in your operating system—” Right at that moment, Wildebeest snapped the metal streetsign like tinfoil and grabbed Beast Boy from behind. “Aaaaugh! Holy cow! Holy cow!” Beast Boy flailed. “Hang on, grass stain!” Cyborg began, squinting his human eye as he aimed the cannon at Wildebeest from afar. “Plug your ears—” He stuttered as I blurred past him. In a wave of smoke, I ported in between Beast Boy and Wildebeest and rematerialized with an upswing of my sword. Beast Boy fell harmlessly to the ground while Wildebeest stumbled backwards over the semi truck engine. “N-never mind!” Beast Boy stammered, panting for breath. “Noir's got it.” “Awwwww...” Cyborg's face drooped as he lowered the rifle. “But Noir's always got it—Gaah!” He grunted as a laser blast hit him in the back. I gasped and glanced over my shoulder, sweating. High above the rooftops of the main fight, a familiar blonde figure stood with a hulking rifle. “Piss on my cattle, will ya?” Pulsade uttered in a British accent. “Haaaugh!” A caped figure descended upon her. With a gasp, Pulsade expertly twirled the rifle and deflected Robin's diving attack. She flipped a switch, extending an electrified bayonet that she used to slash and parry the Boy Wonder's staff strikes. I breathed with relief, only to have Wildebeest's returning fist sail deep into my gut. The breath flew from my lungs as he then grabbed me and suplexed my body viciously through a newspaper stand. As the sparks of pain cleared, I saw the lithe figure of Jinx firing pink light at a green kangaroo before peering over her shoulder to shout at the heavyset cowpersonthingy. “Enough with this lame dance, WB! Grab the computer modules and let's jet!” Wildebeest saluted. I struggled to get out, but was too encumbered by the heavy splinters leftover from the newspaper stand. I watched helplessly as he reached into the back of the semi truck trailer, tore the doors off, and prepared to make off with the metahuman thieves' bounty— “Not so fast...” Growled a feminine voice from above. The night's sky grew even darker as a robed figure descended like a hellish fowl from the burning heavens. “Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” A crack of thunder struck the crowded intersection. Cars and motorcycles fell in opposite directions as a wave of black telekinesis wormed its way towards Wildebeest and knocked him onto his tail. Computer cores fell loosely out of the back of the semi-truck as Jinx skidded to a stop beside her large partner. “Darn it! Is cow tipping your kyrptonite or whatcrap?” She flew a wrist up at Raven. “Hey you! Yes, you!” Charing up a pulse of hex, she flung it the heroine's way. “Looks like your entrance is as lame as your fashion sense! Haaah!” Raven calmly watched as the beam of fuschia energy soared towards her. With a calm breath, she levitated to the side, revealing an angry Tamaranian with glowing green eyes, already firing an even bigger volley of emerald wrath. “Raaaaugh!” Starfire's projectile easily flew through Jinx's discharge and rocketed towards the street. The cat-eyed witched gasped. “OhblessedHecate!” She dove out of the way as the starbolt exploded, sending chunks of asphalt flying every which way. Through the falling debris, I shook the wreckage of the newspaper stand off me and kipped up to my heels. I saw Jinx sliding to a stop beside me. Smoke poured from beneath my shades as I pounced her. “Huh?” she spun around, then raised to wrists of burning pink energy. “Ugh, how I hate this part.” I slashed and slashed and slashed at her multiple times. Sparks spat off of our connecting weapons. We stumbled past Wildebeest locking horns with a green triceratops while Raven and Starfire joined Robin in subduing Pulsade on the rooftops. Finally, when I tried porting behind Jinx to smack the hilt of my sword against her skull, she through my metal prosthetic into an armbar and shouted towards the skies. “Pulsade! It's now or never!” “Right with ya, love!” Pulsade deflected one of Starfire's starbolts, hopped over Raven, and fired her rifle high into the air. A flair flew towards the stars, fluctuated, and exploded. “Now what in the world did she just—?” Cyborg began, only to be thrown to the ground by a large, concussive blast. “Whoah damn!” The blast had a pulsating light to it that instantly blinded me. I stumbled to my knees in aching pain—only to feel Jinx's kick to my chin. I spat blood as I fell to the concrete, losing my grip to Myrkblade. “That did it, Leslie!” Jinx's high-pitch voice chirped. “They're down! Help me and WB grab the stuff!” “Hold your bloody horses! I'm coming!” “Nnngh—Rob!” Cyborg's voice shouted across the blinding pain. “Ya hear that?! They're gonna get away!” “Not if we can help it, Titans!” Robin's voice echoed through the city air. “I was anticipating a trick like this! We need our ace in the hole! We need our wildcard!” Upon hearing that, I couldn't help but smile. My vision was already clearing as I stood heroically upon two legs with Myrkblade billowing with onyx fury— “Rainbow Dash!” Robin then shouted. “Go!” “Time to take out the Counter Red Aviary trash!” cracked a raspy voice, followed by billowing winds and thunder. I did a double-take as a spectral blur surged past me, gathering up flakes of gravel, streetlights, and manhole covers. Wildebeest and Jinx paused in picking at the truck trailer's bounty. They looked over with stupid expressions, their eyes reflecting the incoming rocket of pony. “Yaaaaaaaugh!” Rainbow Dash twirled so that she was flying towards them with her rear legs extended menacingly. They each got a hoof to the chin and fell through the body of a shattering car at full impact. At that moment, Pulsade had hopped down. She cocked her rifle and gazed towards the truck. “What the devil?” Rainbow Dash flew, grabbed a streetlamp with her hooves, spun around it, and sailed towards the blonde assassin like a prismatic pinball. “Huh?” Pulsade blinked, then sighed. “Oh bollocks.” Much comical onomatopoeia was to be had when Rainbow's limbs came into contact with the villain's cranium. She fell to the floor besides my boots, groaning as the lights went out in her brain. “Unnngh...” “Heh! Alriiiight!” Rainbow Dash touched down, her tail flicking as a pair of sparkling ruby eyes gazed up at me above a devilish smirk. “I could totally get used to this job!” “Glorious!” Starfire touched down, cupping two hands together as she grinned ecstatically. “The manner in which you dispensed with those evil-doers was as magical as it was painful!” “Yes.” Rainbow Dash nodded, gazing up at us. “Yes it was.” “Sweet!” Beast Boy dashed over in cheetah form and bounced up as an elf, pumping a fist in the air. “Way to make the night go by faster, girl! Here!” He flung his palm out straight. “Gimme... er... uhhh...” His bottom tooth glistened in the moonlight as his brow scrunched up in thought. He then brightened with a brilliant smile. “Gimme one!” Rainbow Dash chuckled and slapped her hoof against his hand. “You know, for a talking green monkey with a severe underbite, you're not too shabby.” “Did you hear that?!” Beast Boy smirked over at Raven. “I just moved up a rung of the ladder! I'm—like—the Anti-Monitor of Shabbiness! Hah! Get it?” “Uhhh...” Raven's voice droned. She pivoted about and floated towards Jinx and Wildebeest. “I'm gonna be over here where the battered and comatose bodies are.” “Way ahead of you,” Robin said, whipping out a pair of silver handcuffs. He smirked from under his mask. “Way to go, team. Especially you, Rainbow Dash.” He saluted from a distance. “Way to be a real team player.” “Yeah!” Cyborg grinned as he squatted low to pet her mane. “Rainbow Dash is best wildcard!” “Awwww shucks...” Rainbow Dash's cheeks went rosy as she kicked at the rubble-strewn street with an errant hoof. “You guys flatter me.” Just then, her eyes flattered. “Say, I'm starved! Who wants to eat?” “This calls for the pizza of victory!” Starfire spun like a princess in the air. Without hesitation, she shot herself like an amber bullet towards the big, silver “T” at the far end of a glittering bay. “I shall proceed with the telephoning!” In the meantime, Beast Boy and Cyborg were lifting a giggling Rainbow Dash over their heads. I watched from afar in silence. I glanced down at my sword. It had taken a dull, wooden texture without the glossy power of murk to pour through it. With a quiet sigh, I sheathed it and marched after the group. -T-T-T-T-T-T- The doors to the Tower's main room slid open with a hiss. Fluttershy perked up from where she sat on a pile of folded blankets towards the edge of the couch. “Did you stop the bad guys?” she asked breathily. “Boo-ya!” Cyborg roared as he marched in through the automatic doors. “We not only did that! We clobbered them so hard, those punks will be feeling it all the way to Stonegate!” “Oh no!” Fluttershy covered her mouth with her hooves. “You didn't hurt them seriously, did you?” “Relax, darling,” Rarity said, jumping up onto the couch beside her and patting the pegasus' shoulder. “They're simply being hyperbolic, as all dashing heroes are apt to do.” She paused, then blinked elegantly towards us. “That is correct, isn't it?” “Oh, we were dashing, alright!” Beast Boy smirked as he patted the hoof of the petite equine straddling his neck like a toddler. “And my little pony here was the champion of the hour! Isn't that right, dude?” “Heheh...” Rainbow Dash slicked her bangs back and folded her forelimbs. “Check it out, guys. I'm a 'dude.'” “Don't get yer head too high up in the clouds, sugarcube,” spoke an orange mare with a ridiculous southern accent. She squatted atop a stool besides the kitchen area. “If what Sparrow says is true, there're more and worse bad eggs in this here town that'll take more than a little fistihooves to take down.” “Pffft! Get with the program, freckles!” Rainbow Dash flew off of Beast Boy's shoulders and perched atop the stool next to Applejack. “His name is 'Sparrow,' not Robin! And besides, even if a crook shows up with the powers of Discord, we can totally take 'em out.” She smiled brilliantly as the caped crusader passed by. “Isn't that right, short-stuff?” “Where there's trouble, the city knows who to call, and so do we, wildcard,” Robin said with a smirk. He stopped in his steps to glance over towards the other side of the kitchen counter. “Speaking of calls, how's the pizza coming, Starfire?” “Shhhh!” Starfire hissed, frowning as she held the phone to her palm. “I am currently negotiating the toppings!” She cradled it again to her ear. “Yes. Affirmative. We would most definitely like the pies of pizza to be completely devoid of any horsemeat on this occasion.” “Oh, and add sprinkles to it!” Pinkie Pie chirped, bouncing atop the counter with a cartoonish spring sound repeated to absurd effect. “A true pizza is nothing without the sprinkles! Oh, and make the crust out of vanilla wafers! Then we can pour milk on it and pretend that it's not an accident!” “Oh, yes, most assuredly. One moment, please.” Starfire turned again to the phone. “Would you be so terribly kind as to add a carton of milk to that?” She waited as the voice on the other end squawked and squabbled. Her brow furrowed in response. “You mean that we have the option to have the milk delivered unfrozen?!” Pinkie Pie gasped with a huge inhale. “Oh, this is the most super-duper-terrific best week ever!” “Heeheehee!” Starfire yanked Pinkie over and nuzzled her cheek to fuzzy cheek. “I have made a pony make the 'squeeing' sound! My life is complete!” The phone squawked again. She did a double-take and frowned. “No! I repeat, there is no pony meat to be had in this order!” “Twilight, how's it coming?” Robin asked, leaning against the back of a computer desk. “This is absolutely fascinating!” Twilight Sparkle stammered, her jaw hanging wide open as her violet eyes reflected a dazzling array of web browser windows shimmering before her across the huge monitor. “How... How could a civilization possess something as amazing and vast as this 'Internet' and not somehow have achieved absolute peace and prosperity?” “That's the funny thing about knowledge,” Robin said, glancing down at Twilight. “The more you have of it, the more people you have who don't know what to do with it. And very seldomly do they use what they learn for good.” “And I'm guessing that's where individuals like you come in.” Twilight's wings flexed as she turned to smile at the Boy Wonder. “Vigilante justice is just one way of bypassing the red tape and cutting out the middlemare...” She blushed slightly as she brought a hoof to her mouth. “Ooops. Eheh... force of habit.” “Don't sweat it,” Robin said with a smirk. “We're happy to have you six visiting us.” He turned and looked towards the back of the Main Room. “Isn't that right, Cyborg?” “Dang straight!” Cyborg picked up a gasping Rarity and held her by the upper body so that she dangled like a feline in his massive grip. “I always built this tower to be big enough to house a bunch of cool heroes. I guess it's just as good at corralling a herd, huh?” “Hmmmph!” Rarity frowned, her cheeks red. “And just who gave you permission to lift me from my hooves like a white chesspiece?” “Whoops...” Cyborg's red eye flashed an exclamation point. A sweatdrop rolled down his metal temple. “My bad.” He bent over— “Mmm...” Rarity squirmed. “I didn't tell you to put me down...” “Heh, well alright.” Cyborg cradled her and scratched her fuzzy ears as she cooed with delight. “Cuddle a horse, ride a cowboy.” He winked across the room at a dark blue figure that was pouring herself tea. “Am I right, Raven?” “Speak for yourself, Tonto.” “Love ya too, cutie.” “Heh...” Beast Boy was presently kneeling besides the couch, lovingly scratching Fluttershy underneath the chin. “Who'd a thunk it that talking ponies would be the size of cats? It's almost as if some eccentric god dreamed up this moment through an effluent keyboard in the sky.” Fluttershy smiled and nuzzled his wrist before smiling up at him. “Is it true that you can turn into any animal?” Beast Boy winked slyly and cracked his knuckles. “Especially the cute ones. Got something in mind?” “I've always... erm...” Fluttershy squirmed on the couch. “Somewhat secretly wanted to meet an adult dragon who didn't want to swallow me whole.” She gulped. “I figure that it might help me overcome my fear.” “A dragon, huh?” Beast Boy stood up and began flexing his limbs. “Sounds exotic, but I've seen enough wyrd stuff with the Doom Patrol. I bet I could pull it off—” “Not inside the Main Room!” Robin grunted, pointing a gloved finger. “Awwwww...” “Well... uhm...” Fluttershy gasped and perked up. “How about a snapping turtle! I've always wanted to cuddle one but... well... they're always so snappy...” “One doubly-green turtle coming up!” Beast Boy squeaked. He spun like a ballerina before morphing into a spinning shell. The thing plopped down and sprouted four limbs, a tail, and a head with an orange bandanna. “Ohhhhh!” Fluttershy easily scooped him up in two forelimbs and nuzzled him close. “Hello, new friend! I'd happily fight crime by your side!” The teenage turtle croaked something in response. All the while, I stood against a far wall, polishing Myrkblade with a metal hand. A sigh escaped my lips as I watched Starfire and a pink pony order pizza. A lavender alicorn was surfing IMDB while Robin had her look up Jackie Chan films. Cyborg cradled a pale unicorn like an infant while a rainbow maned pegasus flirted openly with a horse wearing a cowboy hat. Then, to my relief, Raven's pale face hovered into view. “Well, you're certainly quiet today.” I gazed steadily at her. Slowly, I arched an eyebrow over my shades. She rolled her eyes and droned, “Well, you know what I mean.” She leaned against the wall beside me, sipping from a cup of tea. I exhaled, sheathed Myrkblade, and flexed the metal digits of my prosthetic left hand. “Surely I'm not the only one thinking this is all very strange,” Raven murmured to my side. “A bunch of talking horses show up through a glowing trans-dimensional portal, and no less than three days later, Counter Red Aviary makes a strike in downtown.” I shrugged. I charaded a portly belly and pretended to click an invisible remote in my hand. “Control Freak?” Raven shook her head. “I doubt he's responsible for this. Besides, who ever heard of a nerdy, obese, hairy young adult being obsessed with pastel colored ponies?” She took another sip, then played with the silken edges of her robe. “Still... it is so unlikely, it could just be the sort of thing he'd do to distract us while villains go about their normal business.” I blinked at that. “Meh...” She finished her tea and sighed. “I'll talk to Robin about it later. Right now, he's busy over there showing Princess Stephanie Mare the secrets to the Titan's Computer. Which is... kind of dumb, if you think about it.” I exhaled a breathy chuckle, nodding. I turned to her and charaded a pair of rearing hooves before sporting a devilish smirk. “Rainbow Dash?” Raven raised an eyebrow. “What about her?” She glanced over to where the prismatic pegasus was flying circles above an angry Applejack, wearing her brow Stetson. “I'm guessing you're not a fan.” I shrugged, though my lips took on an undeniable grimace. “Yeah, well, it's not like you could stay a wildcard forever, Noir,” she said, her tone not changing inflection in the least. “Robin can only deal the same hand so often before he has to resort to bluffing. I'm quite sure a pegasus was the last thing Counter Red Aviary expected.” She traced the lid of her empty tea-cup with a gloved hand. “Although, I'm certain Jinx would have surrendered the very moment she saw a unicorn, so maybe we should have taken Rarity,” she droned. I stared blankly at her. “That was a joke,” she said. “I know you can't laugh, but isn't that—like—supposed to make you smile or something at least?” I tried smiling. I'm sure it looked like I was about to vomit. “Hmmf...” She folded her arms beneath her cloak and gazed off. “Well, at least Beast Boy gets to keep his day job.” Just then, the doors to the main room opened with a hiss. Cyborg looked up from scratching Rarity's fuzzy ears. “S'up, Bard. You missed all the fun.” “Sorry, y'all,” a tall teenager wearing a black trenchcoat and a matching black hat strolled in with an exhausted swagger. “I was out of town, helpin' Nicole and Tim with groceries when I got the call. And then Kelly kept spamming my communicator with some crazy Super Mario fanart and—” He froze in his steps. The rest of the team stared back, along with the ponies they were cuddling. “Awww, hell, no.” Bard turned about-face and marched back into the elevator. The doors closed coldly behind him. Cyborg blinked. Rarity cleared her throat. “Oh. Uhm... right,” he chuckled nervously. “My bad.” He resumed scratching her ears, producing a delightful “squee” from the unicorn's dainty throat. “Right. That's my cue.” Raven shuffled off. “I'll be in my room, like anyone cares.” I bit my lip and stood there in the shadows, although it was hardly comforting for some reason. -T-T-T-T-T-T- A metal cylinder rose up, charging red energy. I spun and struck it with the length of Myrkblade before it could fire the laser. Just then, a second rod lifted up from the metal floor of the training room. I backflipped, dodged the energy beam, and slammed my sword across it. No sooner had I done this when two cylinders popped up, this time behind me. I ducked their blasts, held my breath, and disappeared in a burst of smoke. Materializing behind them, I kicked one and slashed one down the middle with my blade. As I did so, an annoyingly loud buzz filled the arena. I winced, standing up straight as the training simulator powered down all around me. I wasn't supposed to have caused any permanent damage, but somehow, in the heat of the moment, I had forgotten to remove Myrkblade's lacerating edge. I had let myself get distracted, and that wasn't a good thing. I shuddered to think of what would have happened if I was in a real fight. Even worse, I shuddered to think what Robin would do once he found out I destroyed training equipment. Just why was I so distracted lately? Well, aside from obvious, talking quadrupedal reasons. It felt like there was more to these ponies' presence here than mere circumstance. Their amorous nature and the way in which most of the team had taken a liking to them had seemed to... I dunno... felicitous? Robin was usually too skeptical to take anything at face value. Cyborg never let any strangers around his computer equipment. Beast Boy rarely ever turned into a turtle. And Starfire—well—she always got excited, but about milk and pizza? She had to get her Tamaranian senses drunk on Dr. Pepper before she'd ever... whoah... now those are some memories I don't want to have back. I just feel so... anxious around these little horses. I'm not sure what it is. It's times like these where I wish I could talk to my friend, or at least have one of them walk up to me out of nowhere, read my mind, and ask— “Is everything alright?” cracked a ridiculously adoracute voice. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. With a sigh, I turned around and gazed at a cat-sized figure with four hooves and a mane that looked like the boot screen to a Texas Instruments Home Computer. “The rest of your friends are upstairs, hanging out. Well...” Rainbow Dash's tail flicked as her ruby eyes darted left and right. “All but the tall dude with the hat that looks like Applejack's. But still...” She smiled up at me with that happy blue face of hers. “You wanna join us? We've got pizza and stuff. And Beast Boy was talking about something called 'Cards Against Humanity' before the robot dude threw him against the wall.” I smiled nervously and extended my metal hand to motion her along without me— “Wowwwww...” She gripped it with two hooves. For a horse's fetlocks, her grip was stupidly soft, like I was being gripped by a plushie doll. “So I guess that one dude isn't the only one made out of metal.” She flexed the fingers with her muzzle before stifling a giggle. “That's so cool! I bet you could punch your way through a million clouds!” She glanced up at me with bright eyes. “How'd you get it, huh?” I bit my lip. My right hand's fingers tightened instinctually around the hilt of Myrkblade. She glanced at the sword, then at my metal limb. “Oh... Ouch...” She stumbled back from my prosthetic as if it was diseased. “Note to self, don't play around with swords unless you're good at it.” I rolled my eyes under my shades, but still I couldn't help but smile. “You're really good at what you do, aren't you?” Rainbow Dash asked. My smile left as I leaned my head curiously to the side. “I mean, kicking tail and slicing up the weapons of bad guys and stuff.” She tried standing up on her rear legs. What transpired was a quadruped's awkward attempt to charade several samurai moves. “Hiyaaa! Chaaa! Chaaa! Slasssssssh! Clanggg! Heheh...” She plopped back down on all four. “Cyborg showed me footage of you in action against these robots belonging to some jerkface named Slade. You were pretty cool looking.” I gulped and shrugged. “No, really! Cyborg's... like... really proud of you and stuff. So's Robin and the rest.” Rainbow Dash ran a hoof through her bangs and murmured aside, “They said that you did a bunch of wicked awesome things to help them out in more than one jam. Y'know... when they needed help the most.” I took a deep breath. My gaze wandered down to my prosthetic. When I did, the metal fist was clenched. “Ya gotta admire stuff like that,” Rainbow Dash said. “Loyalty, I mean.” I looked towards her in a blink. She smiled, though this time the expression was far warmer, far more sincere. “Heck, if the Elements of Harmony ever got in big trouble... there's no telling what I'd do for my friends.” She bit her lip as she coiled her wings tight. “Or what I'd give up. Cuz... y'know, I may not say much about it... or s-say much at all, but I really care for them.” She gulped and glanced up at me. “Actions speak louder than words, don't you think?” I said nothing. “Well... uh... have fun ripping stuff to shreds!” Rainbow Dash hovered up and smirked. “I'd totally stick around and watch your awesome moves, but I'm super hungry. Besides!” She soared off down the hall adjacent to the training center. “I've got some cards to toss against humanity!” I watched as she flew away. Slowly, I glanced at my left arm. The metal knuckles glinted in the moonlight. If I closed my eyes and relaxed, they almost felt like the real deal. For once, I wasn't about to blame it on a phantom. -T-T-T-T-T-T- “I reckon it's just a phase,” Jonny drawled, tossing the ball up high. It rattled in the rim before swishing through the net and making a hollow bouncing noise. It rolled across the Tower's rooftop and stopped against my boot. I kicked it up, rolled it over my metal arm, and passed it back to him. Adjusting the brim of his hat, Bard dribbled the ball a few times and aimed towards the hoop. “I mean, either it's that, or something's brainwashed all of our buddies something bad.” The ball bounced like a brick off the rim. “Awww shucks...” He grabbed it and passed it to me. I took it, dribbled it a point beyond the three-point line, and prepared my shot. “I mean, for real, I've heard of April Fools' pranks that have made more sense than this,” he said, his hands on his trenchcoated hips. “When was the last time you recall the rest of the team fallin' head over heels for somethin' so quick-like?” I shrugged, then threaded the ball through the air. It flew in a high arc before sinking gracefully through the basket. I made a whistle to immitate a bombshell and glanced over at him. “Pffft... Showoff.” Bard picked up the ball and walked over to where I stood and made my last shot. He dribbled it a few times and muttered, “Still, you gotta admit, this would be a rather funny prank.” He smirked my way through his glasses. “Ponymageddon was a work, brotha.” I snicked breathily. “Heheheheh...” He shot for the basket. “Annnnd...” Nothing but net. “Fire Russo!” He pumped his fist with a goofy grin. I bounced the ball to him and he took it to the opposite end of the windswept court to prepare an even trickier shot. “Still, though, am I the only one with a wyrd feeling about all of this? I mean, you feel it too, don't you?” I gulped, but slowly, eventually nodded. “I bet Raven's brooding over the same thing. It's like something's in the air.” He dribbled a few more times, then paused. He gripped the ball under his arm and gazed towards me with a pained expression. “It's like... we're thinner... colder. Almost as if...” He swallowed dryly. “As if we've been replaced, y'know? I reckon that might be reachin' some...” I was already shaking my head. “No?” He blinked, then shrugged. “Well, good to realize I ain't the only one.” This time, he heaved the ball. It flew over the backboard completely. “Dang it...” He sighed, his arms slumping down by his side. He lingered, as did I, and the breath that was shared between us was bizarrely warm. “Noir, even if we were replaced, the Desperados would live on, don'tcha think?” I looked at him. I merely smirked. “Heh...” He ran a hand through his brown bangs. “Guess it's only a pain to overthink it, huh?” I gave him a mocking smile and charaded guitar-twanging. “Pfft. Hell, I'd find myself a bar to play music for money in, for sure.” He pointed. “As for you? Please, casanova. Go find yourself a pole and a bunch of women and make change!” I would have guffawed if I could. “Ahem...” He motioned towards the edge of the Tower. “Get a move on, speedy. You can fetch the ball way faster than I can and ya know it.” Sighing, I blurred away as the cowboy said. -T-T-T-T-T-T- The tower was a creepy place, but not exactly lonely. I strolled into the Main Room at least a good hour or two after the... “party” that had been enjoyed in my absence. I stumbled through the dimly-lit vestiges of what looked like a horrible cavalry charge gone bad. Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Robin lay asleep in various parts of the conjoined sofas, and tiny, colorful equines lay sprawled across their laps and torsos in dead slumber. If I was still the Third Apprentice, I would have taken a snapshot and put it up on the Internet for bribe money, but it was late and I wasn't exactly feeling it. I made my way towards the distant, heavenly image of the fridge until a small voice made a trilling sound beside me. I paused and glanced down. The orange pony—what was her name?—Applejack was lying on the outermost edge of the sofa. Unlike Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and the others, she hadn't chosen a Titan's body to cuddle against. She looked decidedly alone in her fitful sleep, not to mention cold. I couldn't help but notice a steady tremble to her fuzzy limbs. I blinked. I turned and looked at a nest of blankets that had fallen to the floor. Against my better judgement, I sighed, then picked up a thick comforter. Gently—so as not to wake her—I layed the duvet over the blonde mare. She unconsciously curled into the spread of warmth that was bequeathed her. Just when I felt that the good deed was done, I tried walking away—only to have a pair of forelimbs clutch my wrist. I stumbled, anchored in place. I looked down at her. “Mmmmfff...” Applejack stirred. A bead of moisture formed along her clenched eyelids. Her mouth slowly moved. “Don't... don't y'all fret. I ain't lost...” She nuzzled my wrist as if it was a foal. “Big Mac... Granny... Apple Bl-Bloom... I miss y'all...” She sniffled, then exhaled one last time as she fell once more into slumber. “Gonna find ya...” I bit my lip. Slowly, like reaching my hand out of a grave, I stepped back from her. I felt a pit in my stomach, something I hadn't sensed before around these equine strangers. When I turned about, a pair of green almond eyes were staring me straight in the chest. “And I thought your waifu wore a red cape and a blue miniskirt.” I jumped back with a gasp, reaching for an invisible scabbard behind my back. I had left Myrkblade on the mantle inside my basement room downstairs, but still that didn't stop me from nearly jumping out of my skin. The Messenger? What the hell was he doing here?! “Eating up my cameo for what it's worth, of course,” the asian teenager said. Cold starlight accentuated the green highlights to his spiked hair as he paced like a phantom around the table full of sleeping superheroes and ponies. “It's an easy job, since you haven't filled it. Yeesh... if you take this entire scene out of context, it'd land itself quite neatly on Deviantart's front page. Heh... more like the 'Hey, I took a photo of my shriveled-up scrotum cuz it's totally for art' front page, amirite?” He gazed at me. I gazed at him. “Yeesh.” He shook a cold shudder off his green hoodie'd shoulders. “Whose funeral is it? Behind comedy's, that is?” He reached into the fridge, grabbed a Dr. Pepper, took a swig, then exhaled before saying, “I bet you're wondering why I'm here to make your existence sexy once again.” I nodded fervently. “Don't you sweat your bishie pectorals off, Jordan,” he said with a nonchalant wave, stifling a burp as he placed the Dr. Pepper bottle down on the kitchen counter. “Dagger isn't about to turn this city into a raid instance again. Nor is Slade barking up Robin's tailpipe. Really, I think we'd expect all of the kaizo bits of random fight scenes to be long dead and buried. I should know. I've smelled the dirt and worms. They're fighting in the courts for the right to bear less arms and more engagement rings.” I leaned my head curiously to the side. He smiled and pointed at me. “I know what you're thinking. We've spent a good few days in the Boy Cave. That's gotta give a pair of common blokes more than a mutual respect for Platonic idealism, with or without the shadow.” He shuffled my way. “You feel like a shadow, Noir. Granted, you've always been that—a badass one, of course—but a lonely one? Not with these—your friends, that is. A funny thing, friendship is. They make tons of sitcoms and afternoon specials about it, but they just can't give you the... the...” He pinched his petite fingers together and lisped, “The magic that it's supposed to engender, am I right? Emphasis on 'gender'—or has someone been seeing a surgeon in Hollywood as of late?” I frowned and planted my hands against my hips. “Alright, alright. Fine. I'll cut to the chase.” He drifted over and ran a loving hand over Applejack's bangs. The little mare hummed in her sleep. “The truth is, oh ye wildcard of olde, that the six ponies here didn't randomly teleport into our world.” He gazed up at me with hard, chiseled emeralds in his eyes. “We trespasssed into theirs.” My heart skipped a beat, then promptly sank. “Don't you feel it?” He strolled away from the couch and drifted past me like a ghost. “How odd it is that we're here? You and me? After so many years, so many failed attempts to rise the sunken train wreck from the depths, so many absurd TF2 patches with the story remaining as dead as Lenin's forehead?” He gazed briefly out the window, rocking back and forth on his sneaker's soles. “I can't remember the last time I saw Rogue... or Tabby.” He swallowed dryly. “And yet I think about them daily, as if we just met yesterday. But I know that can't be true.” I bit my lip, weathering a cold shudder through my form. I glanced at my metal arm, and once more it felt to me like it could very easily turn back to flesh in a blink. It doesn't even hurt anymore, Ana. Dear lord, what is happening to me...? “The fact is, the universe does this occasionally,” he said in a dull tone that betrayed his usual, jovial nature. “Like sparks in the darkness. Here then, gone the next moment. And what do we do in the meantime? Do we dance? Do we sob? Or do we flounder in between?” He turned towards me with a bittersweet smile. “I dunno about you, but I like to choose the extreme that has more giggles to be had.” I stared prolongedly at him. He turned and gazed squarely back at me. “Everyone and everything gets replaced, Noir. But it's always for a reason, at least that's what I believe. After all, why waste the moment to do something wonderful—especially when it's our last moment? Would you know what to do with your time if you knew it was fleeting?” I didn't have an answer to that, at least not one that could be spoken out loud. “Well, I know what I'll be doing.” He said, then saluted me as he walked over to a distant table. I spotted a petite, equine figure sitting on a tower of phonebooks, her lime green horn levitating a pen as she scribbled words across a sheet of parchment. “Hey there, stranger. Whatcha doing?” “Updating my journal,” muttered the unicorn in a voice that sounded like Jodie Foster in a blizzard. I saw vaporous moisture escaping from her chattering lips as she furrowed her brow in thought. “What is existence if one isn't sure of her or his permanence in the first place?” “Oooooh! Philosophy! How juicy! Or psuedo-juicy, not that I'm one to battle starships.” Messenger slid over in the seat beside her and planted a hand on her hoodied'd shoulder. “You ever read up into zen stuff? It's pretty smexxy, even if you were born far away from sushi land.” She paused, the gazed up at him with a sad face. “You sure? I'm... uh... not known for memorable conversations.” He chuckled. “Trust me. I think we have all the time in the world.” She blinked, then smiled, adjusting the sleeves of her hoodie. “Okay. I'm all ears.” “And what fuzzy ears they are,” the Messenger said, though his voice had become distant, for I was running breathlessly down the nearest stairwell. “So, tell me, Angel, what's the sound of one hoof clapping...?” -T-T-T-T-T-T- The door chime rang. A beat. The panel slid open, and a pale face glared out with bleary eyes. I stood before her door, catching my breath. Raven blinked. “Nnnngh...” She opened the door all the way and shuffled tiredly out in only her black leotard. “Alright...” She stifled a yawn. “Viper had better be slicing heads in downtown or some other terribly gruesome scenario, or else you just woke me out of a wonderful dream about becoming the newest Cellist for Rasputina for a reason—” Her words came short, just as the pupils in her eyes shrank. This was probably because I was hugging her. “Uhhh...” Her hands rose up and gripped my shoulders. “Noir...?” I heard the gulp of her confused breath. “Jordan, what is... why are...” Her eyes glowed. “You know I can totally destroy you for this...” I closed my eyes. I knew. I knew everything, but it didn't matter. I felt my heart beating, and I knew she could feel it too. Her mouth parted open. “It...” She stammered suddenly, a frighteningly awkward voice for someone as balanced as her. “It all isn't a coincidence, is it?” I slowly... slowly shook my head. “This Tower... this team... this moment...?” I was silent as death. She wasn't. Suddenly, she was hugging me back, and I heard a shakiness in her voice. “I kn-know I say this often, but I'm not scared.” She rested her head against my shoulder. “But only because I know you're not...” I smiled. I took my shades off and glanced at her silken blue hair one last time. Then, I shut these black eyes, and embraced the darkness along with her. When it swept through us, it was a deliciously nebulous thing, like a fog passing by two lighthouses in the dark, wafting over them like smoke, and brushing them away into the blackest of sighs. “And then I was like—Wham! Smack! Take that, you jerks!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, hovering above a table in Sugarcube Corner as her friends gawked at her. “Hah! How's that for an ace in the hole!” “Uhhhh...” Rarity blinked dizzily. “It was so totally awesome!” “Darling, I hate to sound uncouth...” Rarity squinted. “But what are you talking about?” “Huh?” Rainbow Dash plopped down in her seat. “Well, you know! About how I was... I was...” Her words trailed off, as did the darting twitch in her ruby eyes. “Huh...” Fluttershy rubbed her cheek, her eyes looking sad and empty. “I... was nuzzling someone...” She gulped. “Tank? Is Tank around...?” “More... sprinkles...” Pinkie Pie murmured, her ears drooping as she searched the table of cups and saucers with a vacant expression. “Cheese and tofu. Absorbs milk...” “Huh?” Rainbow glanced across the way at her. “What about milk?” “Oh, nothing. Just being random...” Then Pinkie Pie winced. “I am being random, aren't I?” “Girls...” Twilight fidgeted, rubbing an aching horn. “Did you all just feel that? I... I can't be the only one...” “I feel it too...” Rarity murmured aloud. “Almost as if... as if...” She heard a clinking noise. She and everypony else looked over. “Applejack?” Applejack was cradling a pair of sunglasses that Rainbow Dash had flown over to their daily meeting. Her lips hung open as she reached a hoof up and rubbed her own cheek, nuzzling it like a phantom limb. “It's... all a work, brother...” “Huh?” Rainbow Dash frowned. “The hay are you going on about, AJ?” “Applejack?” Fluttershy leaned forward with a concerned expression. “Are you crying...?” “I...” Applejack sniffled as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I reckon I don't rightly know...” She hugged the shades to her chest and smiled painfully. “All I know is... I'm glad that y'all are here, and I'd hate for any single one of you to be replaced.” “Awwww...” Twilight smiled and leaned over to nuzzle her. “Applejack...” “Why would we ever be replaced, darling?” Rarity said, holding Applejack from behind. “I...” Applejack shuddered, gazing at her sad reflection in the shades. “I don't know. But, somehow, if it did happen... I g-guess it'd be mighty silly to be afraid of it...”