//------------------------------// // Broken Record // Story: A Study In Nonsense // by Professor Piggy //------------------------------// “Being a hero sucked, sometimes. Most of the time it was a pretty sweet deal – kick some flank, drop some bad guys, give a kickass speech – complete with anti embarassment goggles that somehow disguised your identity perfectly, in case you screwed it up – get a whole bunch of adoring fans and look totally awesome doing it. When stuff was going well, there wasn’t a feeling in the world that could compare. And when you were as awesome as she was, stuff tended to go well pretty much all the time. Except when it didn’t. Like tonight. As she glared dourly out over the city from her perch atop one of the giant cupcakes that adorned Sugarcube Corner, Vinyl Scratch – AKA Doc Scratch, super awesome super hero, AKA Captain Badass – couldn’t help but let out a sigh. Something about perching on a really big cupcake made the whole ‘perching and brooding’ thing seem less fearsome, somehow. She had to admit, she felt kinda dumb. But there had been no choice. Only Sugarcube did the cookies she liked with the little music notes on them and they were really filling, and it was only when she’d alreadt chomped them all down and was set to explode that she’d realised that the town hall, her usual brooding place, was kinda far away. The journey had seemed risky, and as a superhero she knew only to take risks when it was absolutely necessary or would make you look even more amazingly awesome than usual. And, much to her surprise, she found she wasn’t really in the mood to bother trying to look amazingly awesome. Not that she needed to try – some ponies it just came naturally to. And some ponies – like Ponyville’s other, not as awesome resident super hero Mare Do -” “You’re self narrating, again.” That honey smooth rumble cut through the silence behind her, and she couldn’t help but sigh at the unwelcome company. “It was kinda funny at first, but I thought I should probably stop you before you got to the part where I had to kick your flanks.” “I s’pose I should thank you. Must’ve taken a lot for you not to just jump me from behind the way you do all your other enemies.” “Well, you know. It’s only really worth ambusing ponies who are actually any kind of threat to me. Since I already know you couldn’t get close to me if you tried I figured why waste the energy?” “Funny. The way I remember it the last time we fought I knocked you out cold in less than five minutes.” “By accident. We were supposed to be on the same side, remember? You wanted help pranking your girlfriend?” “My supervillain. Doctor Octavepuss.” “Yeah, that. Whatever. The point is kicking me in the face while you’re trying to kick down a door doesn’t really count.” “Says you. You’re just sore ‘cause I beat you.” “Nah. Not anymore, anyway – it stopped hurting after about a week.” The response came easily, and Vinyl couldn’t help but snort. She did her best to turn it into a growl, but from the way Mare Do Well moved to sit beside her she could tell she’d failed. So in lieu of getting rid of her hated foe, she decided on conversation – it couldn’t really hurt. She hoped. “So, what’re you doing here anyway? Come to gloat?” “I am offended. I only gloat when I’m being especially amazing.” “Please. You always gloat.” “Exactly. But no, I’m not here for that. This time. I’m here because somepony told me that one of my friends was sad, and needed cheering up.” “You have friends?” “Just one.” Vinyl wasn’t quite sure why that annoyed her so much. “So what, you thought you’d swoop in and make everything better just like you always do? Thought you’d save the day ‘cause Vinyl’s too dumb to do it herself.” “Ah.” “Ah? What the heck does that mean!?” “I get it now. You’re finally realising that dressing up in a suit and cape doesn’t make you a hero. Especially when all you do is run around playing pranks on ponies. Well, pony.” “…That’s it? No scathing comment or insult this time?” “Nah. You look like you’re beating yourself up enough. What happened?” “…She kicked me out.” “Was it the exploding pie? I warned you about the exploding pie.” “No. I…decided that the pie was stupid. On my own. Not because of you. She said I was being stupid, refusing to grow up – that all I do is go on about helping ponies and then play dumb jokes that make people mad.” “Well, she has a point.” “Gee. Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” Vinyl turned a glare on Mare Do Well, who smirked back at her. She assumed so, anyway – it was hard to tell, with the mask. “And I suppose you’re a real hero?” “Me? Hm.” The other pony hesitated for a second, then shook her head. “I don’t think so. All I really do well is beat up the bad guys and hurt the ponies I care about. There’s more to being a hero than that.” “Can’t say I was expecting that.” Mare Do Well shrugged. “I wouldn’t be very mysterious if I were easy to predict. And don’t get cocky – I’m still way more of a hero than you are.” There was a long pause before Vinyl spoke again. “Yeah. I guess you are. So…” “So….?” “Will you teach me?” She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the well deserved mockery. “I don’t see why not.” Vinyl blinked in surprise as Mare Do Well nodded, and struggled to think of something to say. When she couldn’t she just nodded, and turned back to stare out over the city with her best, most annoying friend at her side.