(Super Mario RPG Rose Town music)
The door slid up and in we trotted followed by our helmeted helper, I knew who she was now and I just had to wonder what she was doing here now. My twitches did say I’ve met this Met thing before only not like this.
“Say, can I have my HUD device back now?” Screwball blinked and used her hoof to hand over the device to the seemingly robotic creature; she was missing the HUD thing already and that little targeting cursor.
“Thanks! Now I’m going to call back my bodyguards and we’ll talk then.” The creature then waddled off leaving the two ponies alone in the room.
“So where are we and who are you? You seem familiar to me for some reason. Oh, oh! Are there any humans here?” The unicorn looked at the room wildly. It was a large lounge area with four curved couch pieces around a circular table and a fridge; it was pretty sparse with a few lockers for random RPG items to be stashed away in against one wall.
Screwball quirked her left eye, but decided to answer what she knew. Her name was Screwball, they’ve seen each other before because she was that pony that did the street corner lyre playing and she hasn’t seen any humans since she got to this realm. Just a bunch of weird creatures and a lot of things on this planet had that weird face on it.
“Cool, so you’ve heard me playing… wait, speaking of playing do you hear that music.” It was around this point that the unicorns ears flicked as she finally was paying attention to the fact that the background music existed. “Sounds really funky, but I like it.”
The swirly eyed pony decided to tell the mint colored pony that the video game realms had their own rules and one of them was the background music that plays on an eternal loop. If it got too annoying she could mute it for the pony or look into changing the venue at least, she didn’t quite know her name yet and she would like to know.
“Oh yeah, sorry about that, I’m Lyra Heartstrings.” The pony held out a hoof to the other pony and Screwball promptly took her hoof and shook it, then Lyra proceeded to invade her personal space. “You can make the music go away? How, I can’t even tell where it’s coming from. Also what’s with your eyes? Are you a baseball player? Where did that bat go and how did you fit it there? How did you end up in another dimension? Are you sure there’s no humans here and what was that giant thing with the hand was… because I kind of want one.”
Screwball blinked confusedly at all the questions the other pony had, she was silly but she had some of her own. Obviously she knew the other pony was a lyre player and had seen her with the sweets shop store owner when she was around Ponyville with Kazooie and at least once or twice before coming into contact with the breegull in Canterlot. The biggest and most obvious question to ask was, how in the world did Lyra end up in the video game realms?
“Oh… that… well… boy is there going to be a lot of egg on my face when I get back. Assuming I even do get back and Bon-bon doesn’t hate me or dump me for taking a chance to meet a real live human. Not to mention Twilight Sparkle is going to kill me for stealing her notes on cross dimensional jumping. I’m just wondering why I didn’t meet any humans immediately getting here and just blacked out. Oh goddess…” Lyra started to sniffle and she started to cry as she realized she didn’t know how to get back Twilight hadn’t perfected a return spell only spell to go to some realm where a being known as Kazooie was in. The spell also had the qualifier that she’d be in safe hooves when she got there and at least that part worked perfectly, the part about finding someone with the knowledge to help you return didn’t seem too. It was a backup plan if Twilights return spell didn’t work as she hadn’t designed that yet when Lyra took this trip into an alternate dimension.
Screwball tried to think of something to cheer the mare up and after some thought a light bulb appeared above her head, but it wasn’t lit. Glaring up at the light bulb Screwball started to slap at it trying to get it to light and Lyra notice and immediately took interest in this strange situation, this was the only pony around in a city full of giant humanoid robotic monsters and she was doing something almost like Pinkie could. Soon in frustration the cartoon pony was smacking the light bulb against the ground and it miraculously wasn’t shattering, but it definitely wasn’t lighting either.
Lyra couldn’t help herself she felt her face crinkling up and she started to giggle, Pinkie would have it start off already lit and it would have easily been passed off as a figment of the townsfolk’s imaginations as it would disappear a second later. This however was hilarious as the pony continued to try lighting the thing through various methods, from sticking it in one of her ears, to putting it in her mouth and squeezing her nose. After that it then it dissolved into the more absurd things like putting it on top of Lyra’s horn to see if it would light up and asked her if she had an idea.
Lyra broke out in laughter and Screwball got angry at the minty pony for not helping her figure out how to cheer up the lyre player in question. The laughter doubled as Screwball had already cheered the pony up and was getting angry at her for not helping her cheer herself up. Now it was Screwball who was the glum pony.
“Oh, don’t be like that… have you tried this?” Lyra made sure she had the strange earth ponies attention as she levitated the bulb into the air turned it so that it showed the small pull chain to Screwball and then with a magical pull the bulb lit. Insert face to hoof interaction from the screwy pony, before the light bulb disappeared once she realize she had succeeded in brightening Lyra’s day both literally and figuratively. “Yeah, I really needed that. Thanks a lot Screwball. I just hope I’m forgiven when I get back to Ponyville... if I even can.”
Screwball smiled and said that yeah they could go back to Ponyville, but it was going to take a while.
“Why’s that?” Lyra was about to receive an answer when the Met waddled back into the room and the door to the secret hideout opened and in walked four individuals, which immediately drew Lyra’s attention to two of them because of their general appearance. Lyra’s eyes begin to become big and shiny and she made low pitched whining sound as the four beings moved over to the Met.
“Sorry I took so long, I was directing my friends who happen to be mostly paid bodyguards while I study what’s happening here in the Clancer Empire City. Really they’ve been bored out of their minds since we got here since my disguise is so good. So since you know I know your name care to take a guess at mine or have you forgotten me already?” The Met said with a hint of amusement.
Well of course I knew who she was; she was Goombella the Archaeologist, Scholar and studied creature things.
“Hey! I study video game creatures meaning if it’s video game and violent I’ll know something about it, I also happen to have an ability that’s basically a free scan spell no MP required which is amazingly useful as it sounds.” With a flourish the Met helmet flew off of the goomba’s head revealing a bright pink ponytail and a charcoal colored skin underneath a pith helmet, but there was no doubt about whom this character was. “You know, I find it funny how we’re meeting again so soon.”
I thought so too with a smile. I asked who her friend’s were and then I noticed Lyra drooling a bit and staring at two in particular who seemed to be a tad unnerved. They didn’t seem to think she was a threat and they probably have never seen a pony determined to do something before. Goombella ignored the fact that the pony next to me was drooling and had yet to come to her senses and pulled out her amazing great big book of everything with a lot of information inside, well as long as it was considered alive that is.
“Let’s see, first up we have the shooting star warrior Ristar, I think the two of you would get along. He has the ability to slam his face into his enemies with powerful force after grabbing them with his stretchy arms and outstretched fingers. He’s also good at throwing things and in this realm he’s much tougher for any enemy to handle because of it. His special move is the shooting star attack where he launches off something with the power of a shooting star. He’s the son of the legendary hero and a star goddess named Oruto from his realm that is named after him; he also likes trying to grant the wishes of those who are innocent and tends to help as much as he can from his heart. I’m just surprised he’s helping me without pay, special note he’s designed like a cartoon character yet he doesn’t actually have any true cartoon powers other than some minor mimicry from his video game abilities.” The book snapped shut and then Goombella moved over to the blue armor wearing knight and politely waited for Ristar to take the floor.
The creature had a yellow star shaped face on a black spherical shaped body. His black colored rubbery limbs ended in a comical pair of four fingered white gloves and yellow striped sneakers. He simply stared at Screwball for a moment before addressing her.
“I’ll help you with your wish, as long as Goombella doesn’t mind me getting side quested.” Ristar had a childish voice and had a friendly smile on his face and Goombella just nodded.
Screwball wondered what he meant when he said he’d help her with her wish.
“By helping reunite you with your mother of course.” The declaration was met with gasp from the other three game characters, Lyra and Goombella.
“So whatever is going on with this city has to do with her and why your here huh? Well so much for my research paper, we’ll address that after our introductions.” Goombella flipped through several pages of her book and then with a stylish twirl she held it up revealing the blue armored character that happens to be an opossum wearing a jetpack. Said character leaned back against the wall next to the entrance of the hideout crossing his arms. “Here we have Sparkster Sanjulo; he’s might be a bit gruff with you, but he’s honestly quite friendly once you get to know him. He comes from the Rocket Knight Adventures series of games. He fights with his sword and burst attacks after charging up for it, being a professional rocket knight he’s got a lot of magical power backing up his abilities given it’s what he charges his jetpack with. He’s the adopted son of Mifune Sanjulo the previous leader of the Rocket Knights from his realm after a previous war left him as an orphan. He likes to run around helping the defenseless and weak which usually leads to him fighting entire armies single handedly much to his chagrin that it happens so often. His special attacks are drill thrust and the deadly rolling ripsaw. I’ve been paying him minimum wage, surprisingly he hasn’t been too picky about it of course he’s been bored out of his mind lately sitting on his tail waiting for some action.”
The opossum just shrugged and stared at Screwball from his position against the wall, he didn’t want to admit that he was willing to throw himself into the thick of things for her if she asked. Now that he took a second look he was just going to suck it up and do it anyway, the ponies were pretty darn cute. He had an unspoken issue with the fact that Goombella had just implied that the pony’s mother was in this enemy infested place and if he was going to fight an entire army, he would at least like a little forewarning.
“Now for the next two they are…” Goombella started off realizing Sparkster wasn’t going to say anything.
“Humans oh my goddesses yes!” Lyra practically squealed in girlish glee causing everyone to cringe, as she pranced her way over to the two near adult looking human figures one a raven haired boy and the other a blonde haired girl. She wanted to ask them so much, she wanted to get a picture so that the moment would last longer between them and she wanted to maybe be their best friends. She was a bit out of control and currently ignoring their personal space.
“Actually they’re not humans…” Goombella’s voice cut through Lyra’s brain like a hot knife through butter and she ended up with a frantic pony in her face.
“What! Look at them, they certainly look human too me!” Lyra yelled as she turned on the female goomba didn’t bat an eyelash at her sudden hysterics.
“True, they are mostly designed for the appearance and they most certainly can come off like them, but they aren’t really. I take it you’ve never seen a human before and only have a general idea of what to look for?” Receiving a nod from the pony, Goombella sighed with her eyes closed she slowly debated on how she should respond to this. After a moment she opened hers eyes and twirled her book around to show everyone the statistics and started up her usually spiel ignoring the saddened look on Lyra’s face as best she could.
“Quote Mark and Curly Brace, these two are the friendliest sentient robots you’ll ever meet. They are specially designed dangerous, when armed, reconnaissance robots that were sent to destroy a fantastical object called the demon crown in their realm; unfortunately they managed to only wound the wielder and were knocked out of commission by its power. Ten years later they would come into full sentience upon waking up with no memory of the fight beforehand, it was most likely a side effect of the demon crown, one thing is for sure they love each other and will always have the others back through thick and thin. A side effect of their sentience also allows them to consume and be affected by biological matter and thus they are as close to human as they can get without actually being human, though they have a few problems when it comes to water and swimming. Quote is a silent protagonist who specializes in weaponry, he’s seen carrying his powerful beam pistol known as Spur which never runs out of ammo, requires some charge time for its most powerful shot. He also wields King’s Blade, the sword that holds spirit of his mostly deceased friend. Curly on the other hand is not so silent and wields her Machine Blaster and special Nemesis weapon; it takes a while for her machine gun to recharge after expending it all but her Nemesis is specially treated to never weaken thus making her a danger to all of her enemies. Curly uses her Machine Blaster to get around as it can boost her through the air defying gravity by pure firing force, while Quote just has a super jetpack that can change directions on a dime but limited flight time really causes him problems every now and then. They both come from the realm of Cave Story and… oh my… wow you guys really like Chaco don’t you? I pay these two quite well in motor oil from the Metal Slug realm of which they seem to take frequent vacations.” After all that information was out of the way they waited for a response from the two pale skinned metallic beings. They were both blushing as soon as Chaco was mentioned, not to mention Goombella cheeks were flaring bright red and she had a sheepish look on her face.
Quote said a cheery hello to Screwball and Lyra with silent protagonist; he wanted to know who would keep a child from their mother as he had quite a few hundred energy bullets with their names on it.
“You will never tell anyone what we have with Chaco you understand me, I will stomp you if you say anything more on that subject.” Despite the angry blonde robot’s feminine rage Goombella didn’t look worried. After a moment Curly relented after a few seconds and turned to Screwball and brought her into a tight squeezing grasp. “Oh you poor thing, me and Quote will blow up anyone in your way to your mommy.”
“Lucky…” Lyra muttered as she wanted a hug from a nearly human creature too.
“Our introductions aside, care to introduce yourselves? Also I want to know what’s going on with you being here Screwball.” Goombella had a serious expression on her face.
Lyra introduced herself to everyone as being an expert lyre and harp player and Screwball told them all of what’s been going on thus far including the fact that she ran into Lyra coming into the city.
“So your group is heading this way, if you’ll excuse me I’ll go make contact with them. Whoever is running this city has a jamming signal running constantly and so far I’m the only non enemy thing around with any working communications around here and a few of my friends happen to be Metool’s so I’m going to contact them as well to come here. Then we’ll think of something to rescue you’re mother, snacks are in the fridge from Harvest Moon and if you’d like to take an RPG nap we have a few beds in the next room or so.” Goombella got the Met hat back on her head with a swift stomp of her foot on its edge and opened the door to the hideout and marched out, it swiftly shut behind her.
“So you’re a spoony bard huh?” Curly bluntly stated with a smile to receive a rather heated glare from Lyra and slowly the smile fell off her face.
“What did you just call me?” Lyra wasn’t going to take that from an almost human being, who was created by human beings in their wondrous image.
Screwball ignored them and wandered over to the fridge and pulled out a carrot from a package that read ‘Harvest Moon Produce Inc.’ and started chewing on its end. For some reason she felt like saying something smarmy right now though she couldn’t think of a single thing to say, but the carrot was really delicious like it had been grown in the perfect soil at the perfect time of year.
“It wasn’t an insult it’s just that any person that plays a musical instrument and doesn’t fight really well tends to be called by the title ‘Spoony Bard’ in our realms. Quite frankly you definitively classify as a spoony bard as you’re most likely a non combatant, you sometimes do foolish things like ending up in this realm in the first place and most importantly you play lyres and harps which is kind of the first sign that you’re in fact spoony.” The tone Curly was using was matter of fact and quite frankly Lyra was a spoony bard, she just didn’t want to admit it.
“I’m not spoony!” Lyra vehemently yelled despite the obvious that all the video game characters in the room thought she was. She didn’t deny being a bard this time and it was only a matter of time before she admitted to being spoony.
Screwball offered Lyra a carrot and she took it to angrily chew on it as she glared at Curly Brace who smiled at her, it wasn’t even a malicious type of smile either. Lyra had to admit that the straight blonde hair was kind of strange for someone with the name Curly and dragged Screwball into some girl talk with the human shaped robot. Quote silently stood off to the side having started a conversation with Sparkster. Ristar was lounging on one of the couches around the table with a determined look on his face.
(End music.)
Outside the city walls, Goombella under her Metool disguise walked along the highway leading into the city until she was out of range of the jamming signal and immediately called up Banjo on her plot device.
“Hello?” Banjo said on the other end.
“Hey Banjo, I bet you’re missing a pony with swirly eyes, pink coat and purple with white streaked mane right about now. Anyway I’m outside Clancer Empire City with a quick warning, don’t approach yet. Screwball is safe and sound, but apparently the enemy forces in the city and they are looking for hero blood. What’s going on with your end?” Goombella suddenly heard a struggle taking place on the other end of the device and then a different voice came on.
“We’ll be there soon, I just hope Screwball stays out of trouble for right now and if you have a good layout of the city start thinking on a plan to hit some of the more important parts of the city. I know you don’t like traveling alone as a partner character, especially if it’s into enemy territory without backup. You better have some really good heroes supporting you because we’re getting Kazooie out of that icebox they’ve got her in and once she gets out she’s going to go ballistic. We’ll meet you outside the city, from what you just told Banjo they’ll be too busy focusing their forces inwards at the moment to notice us coming through a backdoor. I’ll have to thank Screwball for that personally as I know she was most likely behind that.” The voice of the file two Kazooie sounded like she was going to start assaulting the city by her lonesome if Goombella didn’t come up with some sort of plan.
“Affirmative sending you some coordinates to meet me at; I’m wearing a Met disguise so please don’t shoot at me when you spot me with any kind of armaments. My model number reads as six-zero-zero-W-P-V that way you’ll be able to identify me even if you’re not using an FOF system with a HUD device.” Receiving a grunt of acknowledgment Goombella set out for the meeting point. “Speaking of idea’s we’ll start on that once we’re all gathered together and I’ve already introduced my friends to Screwball and her new pony friend apparently.”
“Wait, what new pony friend?” Banjo suddenly asked worried that Honey didn’t go back to Spiral Mountain and wasn’t safely tending to her bee hives. Then again Honey’s bee’s were a paranoid bunch and probably took appropriate precautions for just a situation that she went missing for too long, knowing them they probably called in a bee themed hero.
In Ponyville all the way back in Equestria where time and space wasn’t anywhere nearly as sporadic and weird as it was in the video game realms.
Carrot Top saw something was off with Bon-bon and Twilight Sparkle was yelling something about her stolen notes probably bringing about the apocalypse, but shrugged it all off as she continued on to her home since it was another average day in crazy land.
Speaking of crazy land and today was her day to watch the little muffin Dinky Hooves. The four D’s were really annoying to deal with especially Ditzy T. Doo, wherever Derpy ended up this time it better be a really good explanation. Carrot Top has heard many explanations such as getting stuck a thousand years in the past and accidentally being the last straw that Luna went crazy and became Nightmare Moon in the first place. Carrot Top truly believed her because Derpy had invented snorkeling a thousand years ago around that same time and said it was harder to snorkel at night, which drove the now returned princess over the edge and it was lucky she didn’t remember Derpy after a thousand years or she might have relapsed.
Opening the door to her home things were quiet, she had to wonder who brought Dinky over this time. The four D’s were the premier Ponyville pegasus postage ponies. Dipsy Duh she could deal with, the lazy pony that looked like a sleepy version of Derpy was seen sleeping anywhere and everywhere. Dixie Day was a pony she was on good speaking terms with who tended to master the most obscure things with relative ease, yet simple mail delivery eluded her to this very day except when it was a holiday and again she looked very much like Derpy. Finally the pony she was dreading to appear and was her most annoying adversary was Ditsy; she was a walking conundrum and could even imitate Derpy perfectly if not for the different Cutie Mark and the entire never flying straight unless weighed down by something like a piano.
Walking into the kitchen she opened the fridge and sighed, there sat a stuffed food covered filly and that one crazy pony also bulging in the belly.
“Hey orange banana, since Derpy’s dimensionally challenging I alleviated your receptacle and quantum were I and brownie top ingesting.”