Shining Armor sat at his desk, quietly arranging the next set of guard patrols for the week. The candle next to him was three-quarters of the way burned out, but he made sure to have a spare handy. It drove Cadance crazy, but he insisted that his late hours must be kept to ensure the security of Canterlot. Changelings infiltrating the highest echelons of government was disastrous.
Changelings infiltrating the innermost depths of his heart and twisting his most sacred desires was unforgivable.
“Should probably add a few more postings to the east wing,” he muttered, chewing on his quill. “That’s where the old artifact vaults are. Don’t want anypony sneaking in and stealing any.”
He glanced up at his window and saw it was pitch black outside, which made him sigh heavily. He knew he’d be up late, but this late? Cadance would have his head. But if it meant even a single changeling didn’t get through because of his vigilance, it had to be worth it. Never mind that those ‘secret countermeasures’ the Princesses had put in place were supposed to be foolproof. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them; he just wasn’t sure he could trust himself now, and that made him more scared than any other looming threat.
“Should be done in another hour,” he muttered, quashing his guilt with another page of shift schedules.
“Oh Shining...”
His ears perked. The voice came from behind his door, which was open just a crack. “Who’s there?”
“Shining... I’m here to give my report, Captain...”
He knew that voice. “Cadance?” he squawked, and he felt a bolt of sheer terror scream down his spine. Cadance might be the Princess of Love, but that only made her wrath that much more passionate. If she came here personally to dress him down... “Uh! What are you doing here? I mean, I was just finishing up! I was gonna come to bed right this moment, yes!”
“Oh, there’s no need for that,” Cadance sing-songed as the door opened inch by inch. “I wanted to make sure you were giving your job the proper attention. Dotting the I’s, crossing the T’s...”
A pink hoof followed by a slender pink leg slunk into the room, and Cadance’s face appeared above it, sultry and intense. Her mane was loose and hung down, framing her elegant features perfectly. “You know, being the diligent, hardworking captain you always were.”
Shining blinked. “You’re not wearing your regalia.”
“Nope,” Cadance said blithely, and bumped the door open with her flank. “I’m definitely not.”
Shining’s heart very nearly stopped. Cadance was wearing a slinky number with far too many straps in all the right places that he very distinctly remembered from their honeymoon. A transparent gown hung off her shapely flanks.
“Well?” Cadance said, sashaying into the room and kicking the door shut. “Don’t tell me you don’t like it anymore... It’d make me cry and then you’d have to kiss me until I stopped,” she pouted.
Shining’s eyelid twitched. “Uh. Geh. Wha.”
Cadance grinned victoriously and pranced over to his desk, using her wings to hop up onto it. Her tail swung lazily behind her, and his eyes followed it like a hypnotist’s watch. “I figured if you were so intent on giving this dusty old room so much attention, I’d join in the fun. So I decided to slide in here and see what was so great about this old office that kept you away from me the last few weeks. You should know, Shining, that I insist on sharing every aspect of our desires.” She leaned in closer, driving him down into his seat. “Every. Last. One.”
Shining was finding it hard to breathe. “But- but... Cadance, what about the other guards? The night shift is starting soon!” he squeaked.
“Don’t worry about them,” Cadance whispered, crawling forward until she was straddling his lap. “Just look me in the eyes, and then... well. Get creative, soldier. That’s an order.”
Shining gulped. “Yes ma’am,” he whispered in a husky, amorous tone, wrapping his forelegs around her slim withers, drawing her closer, pulling her muzzle down and mashing it against his own until he could taste her—
“Captain Armor!” Celestia barked as she burst through the door. “I need your help at once, it’s an emergency!”
The two lovers sat frozen in place, mouths open as much from pure shock as their passionate lip-lock.
Celestia blinked.
Shining let out a tiny noise that sounded like a cross between a groan and a strangled scream. In that one fragile moment between interruption and comprehension, he was fairly certain he could feel his own brain melt down between his ears.
Celestia cleared her throat uncomfortably. “... I’ll give you a minute,” she said, and backpedaled as quickly as her golden-shod hooves could carry her.
--------
Shining was still blushing as he fit his armor on mid-stride, struggling to walk right as he kept pace with Celestia. “What’s the problem, your Highness?”
“It’s Blueblood,” the alicorn huffed, though she sounded more angry at herself than the unicorn. “He’s gone missing.”
“Again?” Shining said, and couldn’t keep the groan out of his voice, but a sharp glance from Celestia wiped his expression back to a neutral setting. “What’s the problem? Is he still in the castle?”
“Yes, but I’m not sure where. I... lost him.”
“Lost him?”
“Yes, I lost him, Captain. I was speaking to him about tonight’s earlier events, and things got a little out of hoof. I was... I was taken off guard, Shining. Before I could collect myself he’d wandered off again and I’m sure he was trying to take my advice and put it into immediate practice.”
Shining mulled this over a moment while he called on the Night Guard lieutenant and had him summon the rest of the guard and sweep the castle. “What sort of advice?” he asked when he caught up with Celestia again, who didn’t seem to be going anywhere so much as pacing up and down the halls of the castle just to convince herself she was doing something.
She didn’t look directly at him when she answered. In fact, she seemed quite perturbed that he had asked, but again, with herself instead of him. “... Silly things,” she grumbled to herself. “Stupid, silly things I should’ve kept to myself, but I was... I was rather emotional at the time when I said it, and now my poor nephew is going to make another fool of himself because I can’t keep my royal mouth shut.”
Shining winced at the Princess’ self-deprecation. “Oh, hey now, your Highness, it can’t be as bad as all that, surely. Blueblood... well, he’s kind of a silly pony. I knew he wouldn’t be able to actually do what he said he would when he barged into my office last morning.” He huffed, tossing his mane. “Now he’s probably just causing trouble and smashing a vase or something somewhere.”
That idiot, he thought privately.
Celestia shook her head. “He opened his heart to me and all I could do was be surprised he had the gumption to do it. I was going to talk to him, but he walked off so fast and I just stood there... I should’ve thought ahead, should’ve done more. I’m a bigger fool than he is. ‘Make the castle a paragon of politeness’ indeed!”
“Princess, you’re being too hard on yourself,” Shining said, a bit more sharply than he intended. That he had been interrupted in his private time with Cadance was disastrous. Learning Blueblood was the culprit, and he was somehow making Celestia feel guilty after all the trouble he’d caused, was unforgivable. “Blueblood’s not a pony you should worry so much about. We’re going to find him doing something flippant and unnecessary, and all we’ll have to do is drag him back up to his room again. You’ll see.”
But Celestia wasn’t listening. Another guard came running down the hall, saluting as he ground to a halt. “Your majesty! We’ve found Blueblood, down in the kitchens! He’s trying to help cook Luna’s dinner!”
Celestia’s eyes went impossibly wide. “Take me there,” she gasped.
The run to the kitchens was one for the record books, Shining decided. The only thing Celestia could have done to make the trip shorter was use teleportation. She flew down the stairway that led into the kitchens, skidding to a halt just before the doors.
“Wait,” she breathed, looking at the gaggle of guards that were crowded around the doorway. “Wait. Explain the situation to me.”
The guards looked between each other, shuffling uncomfortably.
“That was an order, guardponies,” said Shining.
One of the guards cleared his throat. “Well, your Highness... it might be best if you look yourself.”
Celestia reached out with her hoof, which began to shake, and she recoiled. “I can’t!” she whimpered. “Guard Captain, open this door for me! Just a little bit, if you please.”
Shining rolled his eyes and opened the door a smidge while Celestia peered over his shoulder.
Inside, the kitchens were abuzz with activity. Cooks hurried this way and that to prepare Luna’s dinner as well as several other dishes for guests of the Night Court. Salads were tossed and hay was de-chaffed, wheats and grains were mixed and sauces were being applied liberally.
In the middle of it all was Blueblood, levitating three bowls at once.
“Now you may be wondering how I’m so good at this,” he said to the group of royal cooks standing in a circle around him, “but it’s all about seeing cooking as poetry in motion. If there’s one thing I know as a Prince, it’s poetry!” Three bowls went flying, ingredients being lifted into them, chopped and diced in mid-air.
Shining heard Celestia make a sound not unlike a pony having a heart attack, but he couldn’t help but watch to see how Blueblood would screw this one up.
And yet, three quick flicks of magic later, three delicious salads were sitting on a table, ready to eat.
Shining’s jaw dropped.
“My lord Blueblood, I can’t even imagine why you didn’t come down here before!” one of the chefs said with a hearty laugh. “Beg your pardon, but I never imagined you had a hoof for culinary arts.”
“Well, when you have the free time I do, you pick up a few things here and there,” Blueblood said with a haughty smirk. “No no, my dear,” he said to an assistant coming forward to wipe the tables down. “Allow me! I’m much better at it than you are.”
With that, he brought up a rag, a mop, and several sponges, scouring an entire preparation table clean without even needing to look at all of the instruments used. “If you’re wondering,” he said, battling a particularly stubborn stain, “how I’m so good at this, it’s all in the cutie mark. I was born, you see, with an innate sense of direction. And cleanliness is next to Executive Princeliness.”
He stuffed everything into a nearby closet and took a bow to the politely applauding ponies.
Shining turned back to Celestia, who wore an inscrutable expression. Maybe it was just the dim half-light of the dark hallway, but he could swear he saw just a little bit of moisture around the corners of her eyes.
“Your Highness?” he asked. “Should we... uh... do something?”
Celestia was silent for a long minute, listening to the ponies inside. The happy ponies.
“No, Guard Captain,” she whispered. “No. For once in my life, I think doing absolutely nothing would be the best course of action.”
A little smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and she turned away, walking back up the steps. “I’ll talk to Blueblood in the morning,” she muttered to herself as she disappeared around a corner. “Properly. Yes. A good talk with my nephew has been too long in the making.”
Shining, still confused, turned back to the door to listen in just a little while longer.
“I really must thank you ponies for letting me help in here. Even if you should’ve known I would be such an invaluable asset the moment I showed up!” Blueblood said with a hearty laugh. “Oh, Auntie will be so proud! I did do a rather good job down here, just like she wanted.”
“At least with the salad,” piped up one of the cooks. “I had no idea a metal pot could catch fire, your highness.”
“And you only destroyed one of the specialty cakes for this week’s banquet,” said the assistant he had stolen the cleaning job from.
Blueblood sputtered. “Oh, well, yes, but I did at least try to replace it—”
“Poor Saffron will be in the infirmary for a week.”
Blueblood wagged his hoof. “Well he’s just a big baby! The batter wasn’t even hot when it got in his eyes, I swear! Anyway, we’re still going to keep that cake incident our little secret, yes? Yes. Very good! Now then. On to the main course!”
Shining Armor rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him. He had appointments of his own to keep.