MY LITTLE CLONY
Chapter V, Act V
Q
The figure in-question was a strange one. It was a bizarre conglomeration of parts of all sorts of animals. It had a horse’s head, a snake’s body, a dragon’s tail, arms of a lion and an eagle, legs of a lizard and a goat, and various other parts of animals stuck in at various places.
“…And what exactly are you?” I asked timidly.
“’What’ am I? ‘What’?” the figure snapped, clearly offended by the term. It snapped the fingers on its taloned hand, and in an instant was kneeling on the ground, a sword sticking through its chest, which was now covered in robes of red and gold, a circlet around his horns. “You wound me, little Caesar, truly wound me. I know I may not be the prettiest girl, but surely you can call me a ‘who’ instead of a ‘what’?”
“…Okay, who are you then?” I asked again, this time more confused than timid now. “And how do you know my name?”
“Well, since you asked so nicely,” It snapped its fingers once more, the robes, circlet, and sword disappearing. It now stood tall and outstretched in front of us, a glowing neon sign behind it, with a single word flashing.
“Discord is my name, and chaos is my game!” He said exuberantly.
“The R in the sign is backwards.” Vinyl commented, drawing the joy from Discord’s face and replacing it with annoyance.
“It’s supposed to be like that, genius.” He replied. “Honestly, for an artist, I’d expect you to know a little thing or two about design…but look at me, who am I to talk about design.”
“Right, where was I? Oh yes, yes, right. I, my dear little ponies, am Discord. Chaos, disharmony, discorderly conduct, illogic, and strangeness are my trade and my specialty. All you see around you now? This lovely little ‘marvel of architecture’ turned into a tasty little stew?” As he spoke, he plucked a piece of the wall, sipping it like a drink to emphasize the last bit. “All my handiwork. I know, it’s beautiful, no need to thank me.”
“As for how I know who you are, your little Game Master’s quite the arrogant one. Loves rambling on and on and on about you six in her garden. Being a statue may make you a little stiff, it certainly doesn’t make you deaf.”
“So then you know who the Game Master is then!” Vinyl shouted.
“Yes, yes I do.” Discord replied, the smile back on his face. “And before you ask, no, I can’t tell you. Where’s the fun in that? Besides, I’m already doing you enough of a favor.”
“…How is all of this a favor?” I asked, still confused.
“Isn’t it obvio—actually, I guess it’s probably not to you all…alright, I guess I will reveal a little bit about your precious Game Master. It’s one of your princesses. That princess turned me to stone a thousand years ago, but not for the reasons she’d tell you. She’ll say that I was some sort of malevolent, evil, sadistic moron who couldn’t care for his subjects if they begged and groveled. I may not be the nicest choir boy, but I’m certainly not that cruel, dull, and boring. I’m not Sombra…”
“Right, you probably don’t know who Sombra was…long story short, tyrant who enslaved an empire. Really boring guy, just always rambled about crystals, no personality, never even had any hobbies. Sounded like Christian Hay-Bale’s Batmare whenever he talked. Completely one-dimensional. I may be dedicated to chaos, but I at least take time out of my day to play the lute and watch some hoofball…The princesses banished him a few years before I was frozen. I helped take him down too, but you’ll never hear about that. After all, what good is a villainized spirit of chaos that everyone hates if – gasp! – he does something out of the decency of his heart?”
“Anyway, after Sombra was banned, your little Game Master-princess was very upset. Understandable, the other princess and I were too. You don’t see something like what Sombra did without getting upset. However unlike the two of us, who were capable of dealing with it like rational people, she decided that she was going to solve the problem by completely controlling every single event in the world ever. Women, I tell ya…” The last comment drew a derisive snort from the three female members of our group. “Nothing personal, Vinyl. You too Derpy.”
“And me?” Trixie asked, annoyed.
“Oh come on now darling, you’re a grade A control freak.” Discord snapped his fingers again, appearing next to Trixie and holding a sheet of paper to her face – a mock report card, with an A marked as the grade in the course ‘controlling jerk.’ “You don’t have to be proud of it, but don’t deny it, sister.”
“Now then, where was I? Oh right, the crazy evil bitch taking over everything.” He snapped his fingers again, reappearing without the card in front of us. “As you can imagine, the idea of taking every single pony and forcing them into certain actions and behaviors for all of eternity didn’t sit very well with a spirit of chaos and a princess just shocked by a brutal totalitarian autocracy that enslaved its entire population. The two of us argued for what felt like eons with her, but she was dead-set on creating her utopian vision. And to her credit, it didn’t work out that bad. You’ve got almost no crime or poverty or anything anymore. But—“
“But there’s no free will.” I finished. “What good is something that’s perfect if you’re never really living in it, if you can only watch and do what you’re meant to, if you never act on your own thoughts and reasons, and are just acting as a robot? If you never actually do anything because you truly want or should, but because you’re ‘meant’ to do it.” The comments made the grin return to Discord’s face.
“I like you, kid. When this is all over, if you’re still alive, talk to me and I’ll see about extending your lifespan or something. I could use a partner in chaos.”
“That’s basically what I argued for the longest time, too. That, and the ethics of the whole ‘destroy anything and anyone who endangers the illusion, living beings included’ thing. But eventually your Game Master got tired of me interfering and arguing, and just turned me to stone. Apparently she also banished the Crystal Empire. That was Sombra’s place, she gave it to me after we got rid of him to help rebuild it. Believe me, neither of them would have had the forethought to turn them into actual, living creatures made of crystals instead of just crystal ponies in name. They didn’t seem to mind, either. A lot of them actually rather enjoyed it…”
“So, yes, that’s about all I can tell you. The rest, you’ll have to find in my delightful little play world.” He laughed as he spoke, floating off his feet and winding around the room with a broad grin on his face.
“Okay, question.” Vinyl asked. “Why should we trust a spirit of pure chaos?”
“Because if there’s one thing chaos hates, it’s order.” He snapped his fingers again, now resting on a hammock suspended by nothing in-particular, sunglasses over his eyes and a drink in his hand. “I don’t mind it to an extent – after all, if there’s no order, then chaos becomes normal and dull – but something like what we have here? This is just horrific. You can call it ‘free will’ if you want, I’ll still call it ‘chaos’, but either way it’s the unpredictable ability of all living things to determine their own actions at random and on-the-spot. If you know who you’re dealing with you can estimate, but you can never predict. It’s perfect chaos, it’s inherent in every living thing, and it’s what makes life worthwhile. I value nothing more, and from what I heard as a statue, neither do you.”
“Anyone trying to topple this ‘utopia’ is a friend of mine. You all included.”
“If you’re so powerful, why not do it yourself?” Trixie asked.
“Right, right, right, because the princesses will believe that. ‘Oh Luna, oh Celly, I was so bad and nasty wasty way back when, but I’ve changed since then, being a statue for a thousand years didn’t make me bitter, but in fact melted my heart. I think I’ll listen to you girls now and be a good little boy who’s definitely not hiding an intricate plot to overthrow the kingdom!’ Please. She may be arrogant, but she’s not stupid.”
“Besides, where’s the fun in that? I’m the element of chaos, not the element of rationality. It’s just not as fun if I do it than if you all do it! Plus self-insertion fics never go over well, if I came back just to steal the lead, it’d be terrible writing.” The latter half of the statement drew confused glances from the bunch of us. “Right, you don’t know about…just don’t worry about it, that’s just me having a little fun.”