"Nightmare Night." John said jovially, "I fucking love this holiday. Don't you, Geo?"
"Yes," I replied, "but I still don't see why I have to be Obi-Wan."
"Because one," John sighed, "this was my idea and two, I look better as Qui-Gon. Now be patient, my young apprentice."
I groaned. John raised an eyebrow at me.
"What was that?" he asked sternly.
"... yes, Master." I grumbled.
The sound of hoofsteps came from behind us, followed by a sharp whistle from Applejack.
"Hoo-whee," she said, "you two sure know how ta dress up fer the occasion. But... what in tarnation are ya supposed to be?"
"We're characters from a movie back on Earth." John replied, "I am Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master. And this is my Padawan apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"Why is Geo the apprentice?" Twilight mused, "He is a Duke, after all. If anything, you should be his apprentice."
"Because this was my idea." John snapped, "And Geo doesn't mind being the apprentice. Right, Geo?"
I put on a fake smile and gave John two thumbs up. He smiled back and laughed.
"See?" he said, "I told you he didn't mind."
"Never mind our costumes," I said, "what about you, girls? What have you dressed as this year?"
"I've come as Daring Do," Rainbow Dash said, "because I've been told that I look like her."
"Ah've come as a cowgirl," Applejack said, "because mah dear husband reckons that I'd look good in flankless chaps."
John licked his lips as Fluttershy spoke.
"Normally I try to, um, avoid Nightmare Night." she squeaked, "But Haywick promised to look after me if I gave it a try this year, so I've come dressed as a bunny."
"I baked a giant cupcake," Pinkie Pie chirped, "and I'm using it as my costume for this year. It's soooooooo tasty... but I think I've ruined my chances of winning the prize for 'Best Costume'."
"I've come as Clover the Clever," Twilight said proudly, "I was Starswirl the bearded last year, so I might as well be another famous pony this year."
"And I," Rarity chimed, "have come as Princess Celestia, as you can no doubt see. Spike should be dressed as a Royal Guard, and will be meeting me later."
John and I looked over the assembled mares and smiled.
"Nice costumes, girls," I said, "but I've just noticed that someone is missing. Where's Ace?"
"I'm right here," a voice said, "Jedi."
John and I turned round slowly to find Ace looking back at us. He was dressed as Darth Maul and was holding a lightsaber with a malevolent grin on his face.
"Who's that?" Twilight asked, "Is Ace the bad guy?"
"He's come as Darth Maul," I replied, "who is one of the Sith. Jedi and Sith don't exactly like each other that much."
John and I removed our cloaks and produced our own lightsabers, which Ace built for us, before activating them. A light humming filled the air as we adopted a defensive stance. Ace looked between us for a moment before he chuckled.
"Let's make this interesting." he said, "Your move, Jedi."
John and I shrugged and charged towards Ace, swinging with our lightsabers. He dodged all our attacks before performing a backflip and activating his own lightsaber.
"I believe it's my turn now," he said, "so prepare to suffer."
He charged the two of us, knocking John aside and focusing his attacks on me. I raised my lightsaber to parry the blow, only to gasp in shock as the item was sliced clean in half.
"Holy shit, John!" I shouted, "Ace has managed to construct a lightsaber that actually works!"
John looked at his own plastic variety.
"Fuck," he muttered, "and we all know what happened to Qui-Gon, don't we?"
"No..." Applejack replied, "we don't. What happened ta him?"
"Darth Maul killed him." I said flatly, "But then Obi-Wan killed Darth Maul, so the bad guy didn't win for long."
John put his lightsaber away and approached Ace. He tapped him on the shoulder and got his attention.
"You're not really going to kill me..." he gulped, "are you?"
Ace deactivated his lightsaber and laid a hand on John's shoulder.
"Of course not!" he said, "I could never harm my friends!"
The two of them burst out laughing. I joined them and the three of us had a manly moment — which consisted of lots of back slapping and making lewd jokes about our wives' costumes.
"You owe me a new lightsaber, Ace," I said, "so you'd better get it sorted as soon as possible."
Ace nodded as Mayor Mare's voice rang out from a stage set up outside Town Hall. The townsponies all gathered around, each of them dressed up as everything from mummies to werewolves. The Crusaders had come as a pack of timberwolves, and were taking great delight in scaring Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon... who had come as each other for some reason.
"Attention, everypony," the Mayor said, "I have here the results of this years 'Best Costume' contest. You have all gone to such great efforts with your costumes this year. If I had my way everypony would win a prize!"
There was laughter from the audience. Mayor Mare was passed an envelope, which she opened with her teeth. She took out a piece of paper and unfolded it.
"And the winner is..." she paused for effect, "Geo!"
All eyes turned towards me before everypony applauded. I made my way to the stage and climbed up to accept my trophy. Unfortunately, not everyone was happy.
"Boo!" John yelled, "I demand a recount!"
"Fix! Fix! Fix!" Ace added, "Royalty doesn't deserve to win!"
I flipped them off and proceeded to hold my trophy above my head triumphantly. The townsponies began cheering and stomping their hooves in approval, while John and Ace continued booing.
But the biggest shock was seeing Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie arguing as well. Still holding the trophy, I said my thanks and leapt off the stage and ran over to the three bickering mares.
"He did deserve to win," Twilight yelled, "because everypony voted for him to! He won fair and square!"
"If ya ask me," Applejack retorted, "he only won because y'all are both royalty, and nopony wanted ta offend ya!"
"AJ's right, Twilight!" Pinkie snapped, "Neither of you should have entered the contest, because it's not fair on everypony else!"
Ace and John, having also heard the argument, came over and voiced their own approval of their wives' statements.
"Well said, AJ," John said, "and I wouldn't be surprised if that turned out to be the case."
"I agree with Pinkie." Ace added, "Geo won as the result of a natural fear of the monarchy."
"Nobody fucking asked you." I snarled, "The only opinions that matter here are the ones of the folk who voted. Which, I'm sure, are the Mayor and her cronies."
"Ah yes," Ace mused, "the government voted... the government which happens to serve the royal family you're a part of."
"I'm not giving up my trophy, Ace," I replied, "no matter what you, John, Pinkie or AJ say."
I stuck my tongue out at them as I held the trophy in front of their faces and made it dance.
"Na-na-na-na-na-na!" I teased, "I won the trophy and you didn't!"
Suddenly the trophy got a lot hotter as Ace sliced it in half with his lightsaber. I dropped it in fright and glared at him. He, John, Applejack and Pinkie were looking back at me smugly.
"If we can't have it," Ace said flatly, "then neither can y—"
He didn't get to finish his sentence as I punched him in the mouth. Within minutes the six of us, including Twilight, were rolling around on the grass tearing lumps out of each other and hurling abuse. The rest of the girls tried separating us, but to no avail.
Needless to say we spent the rest of the night in a cell. But as we glared sullenly out of the window, I had a thought.
"Next year," I said, "let's all go as Jar-Jar Binks. That way we're guaranteed not to win any fucking trophies."
John and Ace both grunted in agreement and we went to sleep.