There are times when you are presented with a situation and you decide how to react. Occasionally you react appropriately. Sometimes you do not.
I’m fairly sure that this time it was the latter.
In my defence, it was midnight. I wasn’t in the best state of mind, seeing as I had been roused from my sleep and was instantly assaulted by a unicorn with a fetish for humans – Twilight explained it to me later – and was apparently hell-bent on cutting my hands off.
So I hope you’ll forgive me if I backhanded my would-be assailant across the room, scrabbling out of my bed as I reached for my weapons. The closest one I could find was my AK. Grabbing that one, I turned around, just as the unicorn’s face filled my vision. Involuntarily, I squeezed the trigger, sending a burst of bullets off, the unicorn slamming into me as she let out an ear-piercing shriek.
“YOU ACTUALLY ARE REAL!” My aim was off by kilometres and the spray of bullets slammed into the wall. I yelled out in pain as I fell flat on the floor, the unicorn still latched onto my chest. She raised the knife but I was faster, jamming the barrel of my AK under her chin.
“You make one wrong move and your brains’ll be splattered across the wall. We clear, tovarish?” That took the starch out of her and she froze fearfully, but nodded weakly.
“Nu tak. Get the fuck off me. And drop the knife.” I growled and she complied all too gladly, scampering away, her weapon clattering on the floor. I stood up; holding her in my sights, just as Twilight nearly fell down the stairs, a lantern in her grasp.
“What is all this noise? It’s midnight, for hay’s sake! I need to sleep!” She glared at me, then at Lyra. Her expression of anger turned to that of confusion and then, realisation.
“Lyra? Lyra Heartstrings? What are you doing here? Why does it smell like something’s burnt?”
“Well, that would be me, Twilight. Your manic green friend tried to cut my hands off while I was asleep. I, uh… tried to shoot her.” I responded sheepishly and she gasped in shock.
“What?”
“Hey! What would you do if you woke up in the middle of night and found out someone’s trying to maim you?”
“Uh… I’d freak out, I guess.”
“Exactly. Now, what do we do with this nutjob friend of yours? Why’d she go after me?”
“I’ll explain it in the morning.” She turns to Lyra and scowls. “I think you’d better go, Miss Heartstrings.”
“But the humans are reaaaaaaaalll!” She whined pleadingly. I pointed my AK at her. That worked and she yelped, clambering upstairs and away. Twilight tsk’d, annoyed.
“Did you really have to do that?”
“Da. Didn’t you say you needed to sleep? I don’t know about you, but I’m all but ready to fall over. Dobry nochy.” I got back in my bed, keeping my AK at hand’s length. Just in case. Twilight sighed resignedly, muttering a quiet ‘good night’ to me and walked upstairs.
Luckily, that was the only incident that night and I was able to sleep uninterrupted till the morning.
I don’t know what time it was when I woke up – I guessed it was, like, close to noon or so. Nevertheless, I felt amazing – it had been ages since I’d last slept in an actual bed. I sat up, yawning as I stretched my arms out.
Could use some coffee.
Having once more donned my clothes – the thick, insulated jacket, sweater, gloves and backpack aside – I went upstairs, in search of some food.
I was greeted by Spike, who waved at me happily.
“Hey! You’re up late.”
“Yeah, I guess so. It is a good bed, though.”
“Yeah. So, I’m guessing you’d like something to eat?”
“Can’t hurt. I and Bourbon already spent our own rations while back in that forest. What do you have to offer?”
“Pancakes!”
“Pancakes? What’re those?”
“What? You’ve never really eaten any?”
“Uh, no. The orphanage I grew up at didn’t serve fancy food.”
“Orphanage?” His face creased in confusion and I mentally cursed myself for slipping up like that.
“Never mind, pacan. How about them… pancakes, then?”
“Oh! Sure. Just follow me.” As we went inside the kitchen, he added. “Twilight went into town to get some supplies, if you were wondering.”
“Ah. Okay.”
I am not going to lie.
These pancakes were heavenly. No other word for it. Spike was one hell of a cook. I’m serious! I was just about to start singing of undying love to Spike from the rooftops of Ponyville when Twilight returned. She just eyed the dirty dishes, the empty bottle of maple syrup – another food fit for gods that I hadn’t ever known of before – and chuckled good-naturedly.
“Spike’s been busy, I presume.” The dragon in question shrugged in response, busy with cleaning up the aftermath of my feeding frenzy. I hiccupped twice before sitting upright and started helping Spike with his task. He tried waving me off.
“Spike, it’s no problem. It’s the least I can do for you cooking those awesome pancakes.” He shrugged and stepped aside, letting me deposit the dirty dishes in the sink and I started scrubbing them. As I did so, I started humming quietly – helps pass the time, too.
You say "Yes", I say "No".
You say "Stop" and I say "Go, go, go".
Oh no…
You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello…
Ah, the words were coming back to me now. I smiled involuntarily as I got more into it.
I say "High", you say "Low".
You say "Why?" And I say "I don't know".
Oh no…
You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello"…
If my memory serves me right, I was swaying from side to side in rhythm at that point. I liked that song. As soon as I had finished washing up, the song ended seconds later and I stopped and got somewhat of a surprise. Spike and Twilight were eyeing me in surprise. I felt like I’d been partaking in a scandal of sorts as I coughed awkwardly.
“Uh…”
“Wow. You’re a great singer, Alyona.” Twilight muttered, surprised.
“Well… I’m not one to brag, but I had to do something to pass my time between venturing topside. Bought a music player at Polis and stuffed it full of music. Keeps me busy.” I shrugged. “Glad you like my singing, though.” Spike piped up at that.
“It’s a nice song, too. What’s it called?”
“Hello Goodbye by The Beatles.”
“Beetles?”
“Beatles. One of the greatest bands in the history of humankind. Of course, what with the nuclear war and all… You get the idea.”
“Yeah…”
“So… what is there to do around this town?” Twilight rubbed her chin thoughtfully at that. Are hors-pony legs supposed to bend like that? Never mind. Different, uh… world, different rules. I guess.
“Well, I guess you could visit my friends. That’s a start, right?”
“It’s a good idea, except for one glaring flaw. I have no idea where they are.” Twilight grinned sheepishly, but then, Spike came to her rescue.
“Don’t worry, Twilight! I’ll take care of it!” She sighed, relieved, and nodded at us.
“Many thanks, Spike. Let me just get some stuff from my backpack.” He nodded at that and sat down, waiting. I went downstairs, picking up my revolver and stuck it in my holster on the hip. Force of habit. Next was my music player – more force of habit – which I stuffed into a custom-crafted pouch on my belt. I’d rigged a small dynamo to it so I could recharge it on the go if need be. Making sure the bed was tidied and my stuff was organised – I’m OCD like that – I nodded, satisfied with my handiwork and went upstairs, almost forgetting to leave a note on my belongings, warning others not to touch it. I don’t want anyone to blow themselves up or suchlike.
“Uh… Why do you have that weapon with you?” Spike hesitantly asked as we went down the main street.
“Force of habit, moy drug. You wouldn’t understand, though. Metro’s dangerous.”
“I suppose.” He nodded as we kept walking.
“So, where are we going to?”
“The Carousel Boutique. Rarity’s a dressmaker.” At saying ‘Rarity’, his face attained a dreamy smile and he sighed. Then he walked straight into a tree.
“Ow!” He yelped out, falling on his back, clutching his nose. I chuckled for a moment before I knelt down and helped him up.
“C’mon, stay still, pacan. Let me check if there’s any bleeding…” I turned his head this way, that way, but it seemed there was little in the way of injuries, just a bit of bruising and I let go of him, standing up. “Might want to watch where you’re walking.”
“I guess. Okay… You seem like good at keeping secrets.” He leaned up, whispering to me, looking like a bona fide conspirationist. “I have a crush on Rarity…”
“Uh-huh. Okay.” He seemed to be unperturbed by my short answer and sighed dreamily.
“She is so beautiful and glamorous. It’s like I have a flock of butterflies in my stomach every time I see her…” I pulled him aside, just in time to help him avoid from walking into another tree. He shook his head dazedly, and grinned sheepishly at me.
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” I shrugged and we continued with our trek.
It was another ten minutes later when we arrived at our destination – the Carousel Boutique.
“Nu i nu… it really looks like a carousel…” I muttered as we walked up to the door and Spike knocked on it. A moment later, someone sing-songed.
“I’m comiiiiing…!” Another moment later, the door opened and a pearly white unicorn with a purple mane bowed at us, smiling brightly.
“Welcome to Carousel Botique! Do come in, do… Uh?” She decided to take in her surroundings and stared at me in surprise. Was that going to become mandatory when I meet new peo-er, ponies here?
“Dobry dyenj. I’m Aly-“ I was interrupted as the unicorn – Rarity, I presumed – turned around and ran back inside.
“Well, that’s rude…” I muttered, surprised. Spike seemed to share that sentiment, when he blanched in shock, tugging on my trousers nervously.
“Uh. Alyona?”
“A?”
“Run.”
“Chto?” He pointed with a shaky arm inside the shop and I saw the unicorn return, her face bearing an expression I was all too familiar with.
To make things worse, she was carrying a bunch of needles and a measuring tape. I had no idea what she was going to do with them, but I was in no mood to find out.
“Run.” Spike whispered to me and dove aside as the unicorn howled with maniacal glee, charging at me.
“I SHALL MAKE YOU LOOK GLAMOROUS!”
And here we go again…