Albert Wesker and FASHION
Author's Note: Lordy Lordy, about bleedin' time I finished that dissertation. Still need to do some very minor editing of my Nazi economy essay but for all intents and purposes my final year of university is finished. Terrifying stuff. For you guys, however, this is a joyous occasion because it means I have no excuse to not post a new chapter. Hope you enjoy flashbacks...
... JOKING. Couldn't resist. Just as an FYI, I will be treating the future episode based chapter(s?) differently to how I treated the last one. Definitely won't be quoting it word for word because I thought it made it just a retread of stuff you've already seen with Wesker pasted in the middle so I'm trying to avoid that this time. Will probably be from memory. Beta'd by Jack Kellar and JasonTaylorBlogs. They rock my socks.
"I don't do fashion, I AM fashion."
Coco Chanel
"I just don't see how the pair of them would ever get themselves into such a scenario, Miss Rainbow."
The pegasus slowly ran a hoof across her forehead, "I'm not saying that they're going to, Al! I'm just saying that, if they did, then who'd win?"
Wesker sighed. "You'd probably expect me to say Applejack, as she seems infinitely more rambunctious, but I would have to go for Miss Pinkie."
Rainbow reared up indignantly, wings flapping faster and sending her lazy overhead flight a microscopic degree off-course. "You really think Pinks could beat AJ in a fight?"
"I believe Miss Pinkie can do anything she sets her mind to, regardless of whether or not physics allows it."
"And you're okay with that?"
The stallion scoffed. "I just force my incredulity inwards. I'm sure that Miss Pinkie wouldn't acquiesce to being the subject of a dissection, so I just have to accept the explanation that she is an anomaly of logic and science."
How very much unlike the rest of Equestria...
Just take it one brain-melting inconsistency at a time. He could only repress one at a time.
"I know what you mean, Al," said a voice from outside his head.
I sincerely doubt you do.
"We've just kinda learnt to accept that rules don't really apply to Pinkie and left it at that," Rainbow Dash continued, unfazed by thoughts she wasn't privy to.
Don't want to try any of that nasty 'thinking' business, right?
Externally, the blond merely nodded once and said, "Indeed."
"All right, then, next one. Rarity or Twilight?"
He let out an exasperated groan. "Why exactly are you asking me which of your friends would be capable of inflicting damage upon your other friends?"
The mare scoffed. "Bored."
"I'm not sure that's a sufficient excuse," the former human snorted impatiently, "At least give me a difficult one."
Rainbow leaned inwards, intrigued.
"Obviously Miss Rarity," he finished.
"What?!" the pegasus gasped. "Have you seen Twilight's magic? There's no way she would lose to any other unicorn!"
"You said 'fight', Miss Rainbow, and as far as I see it, fights are physical. I assumed magic was banned from the attack set."
"Oh, right," Rainbow conceded, then cast Wesker a suspicious sidelong glance. "Are you taking this seriously now?"
The former Umbrella operative sighed once more. "I have but set parameters for these moronic fictional bouts."
The mare tapped her chin. "Even so... I reckon Twilight would be pretty scrappy."
"And Miss Rarity would not?"
"She'd probably call the whole thing off if she got a speck of dirt of her mane."
"I assumed both contestants would be fighting in a pristine, decontaminated combat zone." The stallion raised a single eyebrow at Rainbow's wordless befuddlement. "I may have gotten a speck too involved in mentally constructing these fictitious battles."
She shrugged. "Well, nothing better to do."
Wesker gingerly ran a hoof through his mane to ensure it was still pristine. It was. "Agreed. Besides, when Miss Twilight has made me a scarf, then perhaps I will cheer her to triumph in my death arena."
Rainbow snorted. "I got ten bits on you, Al."
The blond rolled his eyes in response. "No one fights in their own death arena, Miss Rainbow. That's just an admission that you can't attract the big names."
The multi-hued mare blinked. "You're in a really strange mood today, aren't you?"
"I've been unconscious for a week. Personally I would use the term 'giddy'."
Rainbow looked sheepish once more and gingerly opened her mouth, but Wesker intervened for a second time. "If you're about to apologise again, I will choke you, Miss Rainbow."
Her mouth snapped shut rapidly.
"Good."
The unlikely pair reached the outside of Carousel Boutique soon after the fairly amicable – by Albert Wesker's standards – exchange, and the stallion turned to the mare. "Are you joining me, Miss Rainbow?"
She shook her head. "Nah. I've heard there's some sort of show going on in Ponyville town center, so I thought I'd check it out. Bring Rarity along if the two of you are interested."
"I may well do that. See you soon, then, Miss Rainbow."
The pegasus smiled and gave a mock salute, prior to speeding off towards whatever this 'show' was, leaving Wesker to stroll towards Rarity's home and place of work at a leisurely pace.
"Mr. Wesker!"
Or not.
He turned to his right to find a snow white earth pony marching towards him, her expression of faint concern lessening his initial fear. "Ah, Miss Redheart. How are you this fine day?"
The medical mare waved a dismissive hoof. "That's not important, Mr. Wesker. How are you? Fluttershy told me you've been seriously ill for quite a few days."
He frowned. "I am fine, I assure you, and I have other errands to run; I certainly don't want to waste time being poked and probed."
She glowered in response.
He continued, "Not that that is all you would do. I understand the importance of medical procedure… it's just..."
She arched a wry eyebrow, scoffing. "...You'd rather drop dead than experience a minor inconvenience?"
OOOO, SHE TORCHED YOUR ASS, AL! BOOOOOOOOOOOOM! DEAL WITH IT!
How on earth was he not totally insane yet?
Yeah, about the whole 'not being insane' thing...
Conversation with self, over.
"Honestly Miss Redheart? Yes. I'll take my chances."
The pink-maned pony scuffed a hoof along the ground in annoyance. "I'm working late tonight. Can you at least nip round before you go back home?" She waved the slightly dirty hoof in front of Wesker's face before he started to protest. "It won't take longer than ten minutes, I promise."
The scientist sighed reluctantly. "Fine. Though I'm starting to believe you simply like having me around."
She rolled her eyes but offered him a small smile. "Thank you. Remember, it's for science."
A dry chuckle escaped Wesker's lips. "How reassuring."
The way that problems accumulated in Equestria, Wesker would not have been remotely surprised if someone else had jumped out and accosted him on the thirty-yard long walk to Rarity's front door. Fortunately for him, no such catastrophe occurred and he was able to calmly knock on the purple door of the gaudy building before he wondered whether it was more a home or workplace. Was he supposed to just walk in, or...
"Come in!"
... wait to be given permission? What an unusual shop this was.
He gingerly pushed the door open and poked his head around the corner to see the fashionista looking elsewhere as she telekinetically sewed a dress. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique and magnifique," she greeted without looking. "How can I help you today?"
He snorted in amusement. "Why do I get the feeling that this line is rehearsed, Miss Rarity?"
Recognition of his voice had the unicorn's needle and thread clattering to the floor theatrically as she snapped her head in his direction. "Oh Albert, I am so relieved to see you up and about!" She beamed widely as she walked closer to him. "You're even wearing the scarf I made you!"
"Of course, that's why I am here." He stepped through the doorway. "I wished to thank you. I don't expect you'd accept some form of compensation for your time and effort?"
"You know well what to expect, Albert." Rarity flicked her mane imperiously from her eyes. "It was a gift; I heard you were unwell and decided the least I could do was provide you with something pleasant to wake up to." She grinned impishly and continued, "Besides, you'd be surprised how rarely I find gentlecolts with real class in this town. It's like having a walking mannequin." Wesker arched an eyebrow, but Rarity had already dashed to the other side of the shop, approaching a thick, red velvet curtain. "Which is why I was inspired to create this for you!"
Wesker held up a calming hoof. "Miss Rarity, you really didn't have to do that. I appreciate the scarf, but I don't want you to lose out on profits because you were too busy making outfits that you aren't willing to accept compensation for."
"Nonsense!" the snow white pony derided. "If anything, this whole outfit was a vanity project on my part; you just happen to be getting the finished product. Not to mention that no other pony that comes would suit black like you do. Nopony could wear this, therefore you are DESTINED to wear it!"
Wesker chuckled at the dramatic performance. "When you put it like that Miss Rarity, perhaps I should be charging you."
She laughed richly in response.
"How on earth could you tell that black was my colour, though?" he asked curiously.
She smiled smugly. "Well, it is my job, Albert. Furthermore, with some ponies, you can tell their fashion sense in an instant."
A single eyebrow made its way upward. "How many gems did you use on the outfit?"
Another laugh bubbled up from the mare's throat. "Fear not, Albert, I recognize a pony who appreciates simplicity. Black makes other colours more vibrant, does it not? Only a real connoisseur can appreciate it while keeping its uniqueness intact."
Wow. She's pretty much quoting you word for word. That's actually kind of creepy, Al.
"Great minds think alike, it seems, Miss Rarity."
"I would agree with you if I were just a great mind, Albert. But I…" She gripped the golden tassel of the curtain with a cloud of purple magic. "… am an ARTISTE!"
At the final word, she tugged the tassel and the enormous red curtain parted to reveal...
Oh god, Al... She's psychic! Think normal thoughts!
Rarity was watching his reaction carefully. "What do you think, Albert?"
It was perfection, beautiful and pristine. He could've wept for joy, but settled instead for gently rubbing a hoof along his jawline. "There is absolutely no way," he said slowly, observing how her face fell to a crestfallen expression, "I can take this for free. I must give you something in return."
A burst of unusually loud and relieved laughter burst forth from the boutique owner. "That is most certainly not going to happen, I'm afraid, my dear! It's a gift and that is that."
Wesker admired the garment. It reminded him strongly of the suit and polo-neck combination he wore many years ago, but the collar and lapel of the outer layer were trimmed with deep black silk, as opposed to the very dark grey of the rest of the outfit. It really was a tour de force. "If I can't appeal to you emotionally to accept some form of payment, then allow me to make a logical argument."
Rarity rolled her eyes, still giggling pristinely. "Go ahead."
"These flights of fancy are made possible by the numbers of sales you achieve, correct?"
She nodded.
"Should you allow me to take this remarkable outfit for nothing, then ponies will ask me 'where did you get that remarkable outfit?' and I shall respond 'it was a gift from my dear friend Rarity.'"
"As it should be."
The blonde nodded. "You would think so, but their internal response would then be 'well, I am not friends with this Rarity, so I could not hope to afford a garment of such quality.'"
She looked uncomfortable at this logic. "Well, I suppose so..."
"If, however, you were to accept a pittance in exchange for me wearing this and accompanying you to the show in the town centre – let's say 5 bits –, then when ponies ask where I got this ensemble from, I will answer 'for five bits from Carousel Boutique'. They will then think to themselves, 'my word! What a fantastic price! I must check out this boutique myself so that I may bask in its reasonably priced fashion.' The income from their purchases will then allow you the means to create more such flights of fancy for your friends."
The stallion's reasoning left the unicorn awestruck. She fought to regain her bearings, scoffing out, "Fine! But not a single bit more, Albert! I feel bad enough that you're insisting on paying for a gift to a friend."
"Of course." With a small smirk, he placed five golden coins on a nearby table and walked towards the suit, pulling the curtain closed as he passed it. "I shall only be a moment."
Once he had clothed himself in the extraordinary set, he exited from behind the heavy velvet wall. He glanced over at Rarity, who was beaming as though she had just cured every known disease at once. "It truly is extraordinary, but how did you know all my measurements? This suit feels as though it was tailored with a measuring tape."
The mare smiled knowingly. "Fashion, my dear. A true couturier can tell a client's measurements with a single glance. If I'd had to measure you, it would have spoilt the surprise."
Maybe if humans had been this kind and considerate, then he wouldn't have tried to wipe them out and establish a new world order.
Or you would have found some other way to justify it because you're a cold, unfeeling sociopath, Albert.
Possibly, but it was nice to pretend.