The Great and Powerful Escape Artist!

by Phoenix Quill


Dawn of the Final Day, Six Hours Remain.

As the sun crested over the horizon, its light cast a warm glow over the now clear skies of Ponyville. Trixie awoke to realize that she had fallen asleep standing on her hind legs, in the corner of the box, with water nearly up to her haunches. "Ugh, what time is it?"

"It's sunrise genius. Now come on, splash some of that water on your face, you look all burnt up." Rainbow Dash said as she continued to buck the remainder of the clouds out of the sky.

Trixie growled under her breath for a few moments, before splashing the water on her face a few times, in hope of getting rid of the scorch marks the lightning had left on her throughout the night. "Just a few more hours of this, then I can finally get out of here and collect the bits from the ticket box..."


Firebird B. Tops yawned into his hoof as he walked down the stairs of his home and into the small kitchen of his professional life. It wasn't a glamorous job owning the Tops Tea and Coffee Cafe, but somepony had to supply the caffeine to Ponyville.

As he fumbled in the dark, he muttered under his breath about getting electric lights some day, right before tripping on a bit of loose floorboard in the kitchen. He cursed under his breath before rising to light a gas lamp in the wall.

With the light on, he could finally see the simple set up of his shop; the bottom story of a house converted to a cozy seating area, with a counter and several brewing devices. He smiled despite himself and immediately began the process of brewing select coffees and teas for the morning rush. But first, his personal stash of imported coffee from Zebrabwe, a particularly strong coffee that could only be drank one ounce at a time.

As the mechanized brewers began their work, Firebird quickly downed his shot of coffee and gave the dining area a once-over, before unlocking the front door and flipping the sign to open. Once it was all said and done, he opened a notepad and began to write.

A coffee brewer's day starts early. Dear Celestia, does it start early. When you’re the one stallion in town that knows how to properly brew a cuppa, ponies expect that you’ll be up and percolating before the moon goes down at the end of the night. Unfortunately, those same ponies who force me out of bed before the crack of dawn also tend to enjoy coffee most when eating their after-dinner dessert from Sugarcube Corner. Most times, they’re in and out faster than I can say hello. Still, wouldn't trade it for all the riches of Canterlot. After all, I like to think that if I were to close down, the whole of Ponyville would collapse, since nopony’d be able to wake up and go to work.*

"I'm telling you darling, this little cafe has simply the finest tea outside of Canterlot. You simply must come inside and have a cup, my treat!"

Firebird stopped writing in the notepad, to look up and smile as he saw his best customer, Rarity, standing within the open door-frame of the shop. Two other ponies stood behind her, but he could not quite see who they were. "Really Rarity, you don't have to buy me anything. I usually get my coffee from Java Bean's across town anyway."

"Now now, not another word, you both must simply try the blend of Jasmine Tea that he carries here," With that said, Rarity entered the cafe at last, followed by a purple unicorn and a certain yellow pegasus.

Firebird felt his heart pop slightly in his chest as he remembered what happened the last time he was within twenty feet of Fluttershy, and the overnight stay in the hospital it caused. Quickly as he could, Firebird looked for something to look at, other than the three mares, in hopes of not winding up hospitalized again and found a newspaper. He opened it quickly and pretended to read the obituary.

Rarity paid no mind to the strange behavior of the shopkeeper and sat down at an open table with her friends, "Oh Firebird, please be a dear, and bring a pot of your lovely Jasmine tea for my friends Twilight, Fluttershy, and myself."

Firebird paused, closed his eyes and smiled at the three mares. "Of course Miss Rarity," He turned and quickly prepared a tray with sugar cubes, cream, cups and saucers, before grabbing a pot of the requested tea and carrying the tray over to the table.

On his trip over to them, he kept his eyes closed the entire time, fear clutching his heart as he hopped beyond hope that this would not be the day that he wound up back in the hospital, sharing a room with that insufferable 'prince' that raised taxes whenever he wrecked another private yacht. "Here you are ladies, please let me know if there is anything else you need."

"Thank you Firebird, I shall," With the business out of the way, he quickly made a retreat to the safety of his counter where he could continue to read the paper and not suffer from an overexposure of either Daww, or Hnnng.

"Oh my, but this tea is nice." Fluttershy commented as she sipped on the tea, "I wonder if he would sell any that I can take home."

"It is quite the cup of tea, but for my bit I still prefer Java Bean's regular ol' coffee," Twilight said with a smile.

"Oh, his coffee is fine enough if you just want to wake up and do something," Rarity replied, "but in my opinion, nothing says good morning like a cup of tea."

"Well, I suppose it depends on what I am in the mood for, but maybe I'll come by more often. After all, a change here and there is probably for the best."

The three friends continued to sip on their tea and make polite conversation, as they did the shop slowly let in the trickle of his usual morning customers. As the shop became more busy, the more he was able to be distracted from the three mares at the table and not have to worry about another hospitalization.

"So, what time is the big drop, Twilight?"

Twilight swallowed down her tea and looked at Rarity with a raised eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"

"You know," she started before whispering in her direction, "when Trixie makes her escape."

"Oh that!" Twilight laughed a little for not catching on sooner. "It's at noon. We still have a few hours to go before we have to be there." She stopped to pour herself a little more tea only to find that it was all gone, "Oh well, I guess it's time we get going."

"Yes, I am afraid that I have got a busy morning today, I simply have to finish that dress I was making, for an important client in Canterlot."

Fluttershy looked at her friend with some concern. "Oh, does that mean you have to leave later today?"

"I'm afraid so, but I did promise to be there when Trixie makes her escape, and I will not miss it. I'll take the next train to Canterlot once everything here is squared away."

The other two ponies nodded slightly before Fluttershy drained the rest of her cup. "It was so nice to have this outing with you both. Before we go, I would like to talk to the owner about taking home some of this tea," With that said, the timid mare made her way through the crowd to the counter.

Firebird felt a small pinch of panic rise in his chest. "Oh no, she's coming this way, what do I do, what do I say? I don't want to go back to the hospital. Okay, you know what, just give her what she wants and maybe things will work out."

Before he knew what was going on, he found the pegasus was on the other side of the counter.
"Um, hello. I was just wondering if I could buy some of your Jasmine tea so I can brew it at home. If that's alright."

Firebird B Tops never felt more afraid in his life, with a stoic face and panicked heart, he looked the mare in the eye and said, "Yes, let me get you a bag. Would you like two or three ounces?"

"Oh two would be fine, that should last a while."

Firebird quickly scooped some of the ground tea leaves into a bag and weighed it on a small scale before passing it over the counter. "Two bits please."

Once the exchange was made, she quickly trotted off to meet up with her friends. "Thank you darling, I left payment as usual on the table." Rarity called out before the trio headed out the door.

Firebird let out a breath he forgot he was holding and relaxed slightly at last. "Finally, I can have a nice, normal, boring day."

He walked to the table the three friends were sitting at and grabbed the tray with the empty tea set. True to her word as always, Rarity left the proper payment, and a very generous tip.

Once back behind his little counter, Firebird dropped the tray in the sink, and was just starting to place the bits into the register when a small voice suddenly grabbed his attention. "Hey! Have you seen my big sister?"

He looked over the counter and did not see anypony at first, until he looked down and saw a small white filly with green eyes, and a curly pink and purple mane, "I'm trying to find my sister Rarity, is she still here?"

Firebird shook his head, "Sorry little one, you just missed her."
The small unicorn gave off her biggest puppy dog eyes and stuck out her bottom lip, "You mean, you don't know where she is?"

Firebird grabbed his chest and began to lean forward, his heart pounded, abused once again by too much cute overload, "She... She's headed to work... on a dress."

"Thanks mister!" With all that said and done, Sweetie Belle skipped out of the cafe humming a happy tune that only she knew, and sent Firebird down to the floor, suffering another slight daww attack. With the last bit of strength he had, Firebird called out, "Somepony call a doctor..."


Vinyl Scratch held a few tools in her magic as she placed the final screw into place. "There, that oughta do it!" She slowly climbed down the ladder and looked at her craftsponyship, "You can't hardly tell it's there unless you're looking for it!"

Lyra looked up at the corner near the ceiling and nodded in approval. All four corners had been tackled in much the same manner, hiding four color-film cameras on loan from the disk-jocky. "Very good, Vinyl. Octavia, have you passed out the party favors?"

She nodded in consent. "Of course. Everyone here outside of Ribbon, Brass, Vinyl, you and I, all have the party favors at hoof when needed."

"Excellent. Once today is over, ponies will be able to play music in freedom, without fearing the extraction of their hard earned bits... At last we shall make a statement, against the villainous curs known as the Musicians Mafia."

Sven suddenly raised a talon in the air. "Excuse me, but vouldn't it be a good idea to practice some music before ve perform in public, just to see if ve, gel I tink is vhat you vould say?"

"Oh ja, I mean, yeah," Lyra stated, with a slight stutter, "Everyone, gather up your instruments if you've got them, we'll do a practice round in the back room before we meet at the park. Yes Sven, I know they have your clarinet, you can borrow one of our rentals."


Prince Blueblood usually wandered through the Ponyville Rehabilitation Clinic in a haze, feeling not quite sure of himself. It had been two days since his last bender, and the unfortunate side effect of that time, was clear thinking. For the first time in years he realized that he had a problem, and that this place was going to help.

He also realized that food was incredibly bland without salt. While not a necessity, he felt that he craved the stuff, and was losing his mind over the shear blandness of every food item they tried to give him. Perhaps it was simply the withdrawals talking.

As the morning slowly drew on, he looked around the room a few times to look over his fellow addicts. Not so surprisingly, there were very few in the small town, and he wound up continuing to stare at the same light plum and mulberry earth pony. Every time he caught her sight she would smile and wave at him before turning back to the window to stare outside.

Blueblood rolled his eyes before looking back down at the tray next to him, holding a cup of flat water, without any ice cubes. "Oh how the mighty hath fallen. Not three days ago, I was drinking my weight in champagne and sleeping with everypony that dared to come within thirty feet of me!"

"Only your weight of that light stuff? Try twice your weight in my home made punch and whiskey." Blueblood looked up to see that the light plum mare was right in front of him smiling widely. "Hi, my name's Berry Punch– Well actually, it's Pinot Noir, but that's a boring name, so everypony calls me Berry Punch, what's yours?"

He winced and grabbed his head as her voice, while under normal circumstances he was sure would be pleasant, on this sober occasion felt like drills screwing into his brain, "I am Prince Blueblood you simpleton! Ow... What do you want peasant?"

"Well, sorry, your royal snootiness! I just wanted to make polite conversation with anypony besides Nurse Hard Case, but I guess I, a mere brewer and fermenter of fine alcoholic beverages, is below you, oh mighty prince. By the way, thanks for voting on increasing the alcohol tax, AGAIN!" With all that said, she stomped across the room and sat back down by the window.

Suddenly Blueblood felt his heart pop. It was as if fate had brought him to this very hospital at this very time. How else would he have known that the famous brewer of his favorite local wine, Berry Punch, actually called herself Berry Punch? Or know that she would be here at the clinic as well? How else would he have known, that he could flirt his way to free drinks for life?

Blueblood mentally slapped himself, then quickly got up out of the chair he had been vegetating in for the last three hours, since his so-called breakfast, and galloped across the room to her. "Hey, wait! Let's talk more about you."


Only three blocks away from the budding love story of two alcoholics, one with power and money, the other with craft-brewing skills, the air was filled with a rhythmic grinding sound. Slowly at first, then quite suddenly, a small, blue box appeared on the side of an alley.

The box had two doors on one side, and two short windows near the top all the way around. The last thing to note about the strange, blue box was that over the windows, it proudly proclaimed Pony Public Call Box in big, bold letters.

Suddenly, the doors flew open and out galloped a tan earth pony and gray pegasus, "See Ditzy, I told you that it was no big deal, saving the future of pony kind by ensuring the fall of Ancient Gryphonia was necessary. I mean, do you really want to be subservient to the gryphons or do you like your freedom more?"

Ditzy looked like she was about to throw up, "Doctor, I don't think you know how to fly this thing... How late am I to work anyway? You said I would be back in time, and it was snowing that day."

The Doctor looked around nervously, "Ah, it would appear that this is the wrong day, and its not a thing, she's the TARDIS. Anyway, don't move. Don't even leave a trace you were here, or we are going to be stuck in this time-line for a while. If you read anything, or show up to work and they say you haven't been there in months or years or anything of the sort, then it's set in stone. See, time is in flux so long as you don't interact with it too much." As he continued to ramble on, he galloped back into the box, to the TARDIS control panel, and began to flip switches, spin wheels and pull levers at random, until an image came up on the small television screen mounted in the center of the console. "AH, here we are. Oh..."

Ditzy Doo walked up to the doctor and looked at the screen, "What is it Doctor?"

"You remember everything I told you a moment ago about how time was in flux, and to not touch anything?" He asked with a serious look on his face.

"Yeah? I remember."

"Well, forget about everything I said– Well, not everything, just most of it. The TARDIS brought us here for a reason. Today is the day of the great fall, and time is in flux, and it's up to us to ensure that it happens."

"Wait one moment!" The two ponies ran out of the TARDIS as Ditzy tried to get more answers out of him. "You picked me up just after the royal wedding, told me that you have a time machine and showed me sights and wonders I never expected, including the fall and rebirth of the Crystal Empire, and now you are telling me I can't go back?!"

The Doctor stopped and looked his companion in the face. "Ditzy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but it looks like you are going to be missing out on," He paused and looked at a wrist watch, "ten months of work. Don't worry, I'll fix everything."

With that said the time-lord galloped off again. "Wait, how are you going to fix everything, when I'm sure I've been fired by now?!"

"I'm the last Time-lord of Galopfrey! I'll fix it! Now come on, we have to make sure that the great fall happens!"


Dark Star and Essence stood in the center of a great warehouse filled with musical equipment. They were not alone; across from the duo stood the rest of the members of their little gang. "Now boys, the missus and I will be attending the fall of a certain star by the town square today."

The four other ponies laughed to themselves at the joke made by Dark Star, stroking his ever inflated ego. "Now, you four will be keeping tabs on our venues to make sure that those musicians from out of town don't play any venue without us getting a cut. After we are done with Miss Heartstrings, we are going to meet up with the rest of you here at three o'clock, got it?"

The four stallions all nodded and answered simultaneously. "Yes, fearless leader."

"Good." He paused and looked to his wife for approval, she nodded at him and he finished, "Let's head out and make a killing today!"

Everypony gave out an enthusiastic cheer and stampeded out of the warehouse to do their dirty deeds for the day.


It was almost ten o'clock before Twilight met up with Rainbow Dash. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Dash waved a hoof as she floated above the unicorn. "Easy shmeezy, just buck the cloud at the last stroke of noon."

"Alright Rainbow, I'm counting on you." The pegasus saluted Twilight before taking off into the sky.

Twilight watched the rainbow contrail disappear over the roof tops of Ponyville before nodding at Spike. Spike nodded in reply and hopped up on her back. The two quickly took off to join the ever-growing crowd of ponies. Ponies that paid to watch the fall of Trixie, to see if she would live to become one of the greatest escape artists of their time, or to be another fool who bit off more than she could chew in the name of show biz.