Dear Diary,
I-I-I- just don’t k-know anymore (yes that written stutter is because I’m really upset).
Tia won’t talk to me at the minute. She tried to make small talk with me but she started talking about how much she liked Nocturn and I couldn’t stand it. She was only doing it to try and make us be friends according to her, but I don’t care; she doesn’t know him and I do.
Everypony knows the truth now. They know that me and Nocturn used to be friends back in our old home. And yet they still think that it was due to my ‘anger issues’ that our friendship broke up. What use is there having friends when all they do is turn against you at the first sign of trouble? Destroying a friendship is a lot easier than making one I can tell you. I know Nocturn properly—they don’t understand the full story. It seems Nocturn left out the part of the story where it was HIS idea to go up the same mountain my Daddy died on. Everypony thinks Daddy’s death was my fault—they say they don’t, but I know they do.
Galloway, Miamore and Gallophad go to do extra training together just to get away from me. Not very loyal. I thought they were my friends and they don’t believe me; I’m nothing if not honest. Nopony can say that I tell lies, I hate stupid liars. They’re mean and stuff. Only really big bullies tell lies; I just want to have fun and a bully wouldn’t. Galloway would sell his own friends for a new pair of fancy wings—I hate him—but love him at the same time. I don’t know what I think about him. I just want him to be friends with me again. Is that too much to ask? For everything to go back to normal again? I wish our World existed now; then we’d all be together forever like we promised.
Anything but that maze. And anything but that monster Nightmare. Daddy- Daddy- was so mean to me. I saw him Diary; he came down from the sky to talk to me in our special safe place. He told me to not worry about Nightmare- it was all a trick of my imagination- but I didn’t know whether to believe him. Then he got mad and started yelling at me; he yelled really mean and cruel stuff at me. There was so much he could have done if he’d have never had a little monster like me for a son. Ever since I was born he’d lived a terrible life anyway. He was glad when it’d ended finally. All that stuff we had done together had meant nothing to him—he used his trips away from home to escape and keep his sanity. His lovely wife, my Mother, was not that lucky. And it was all my fault she’d left me…. Everything was all my fault.
I don’t know what to do Diary. Even Daddy’s ghost is ashamed of everything I’ve done. Nightmare’s either real or not-- I don’t know which, but she felt so real. I still can’t tell Shadow- I’m scared for him. I can’t tell Blankety because I don’t want him to get hurt. And now the only ponies I could tell that could actually help wouldn’t believe me if I told them. This is just horrible.
School’s a nightmare in itself now that I only have one friend there. Shadow’s far too shy a pony to join in on too much—but Nocturn’s the hero of the hour since he humbly apologised to me for what I’d overheard. I refused to apologise back. He didn’t mean what he said, I know he didn’t. So why should I say I’m sorry about giving him what he deserved? I shouldn’t that’s what. Tia and the others were even more upset with me not being the bigger pony.
Nocturn certainly isn’t the bigger pony. After ghost Daddy had left and I was crying my eyes out he’d crept up behind me and shoved me to the floor. I looked up with tons of soil in my mouth. He laughed at me. I hate when ponies laugh at me and not with me. It’s just not fair. How would they like it? And then he’d threatened to ruin everything I’d had here if I dared go against him again. Everything I’d ever worked for—all gone. I couldn’t help but cry again. To which he’d called me a little baby foal and chucked a stone at my head. It hurt really badly.
And then he’d just run off. The great news is he didn’t know his way around the maze like I did so I’m fairly sure he’d got lost. I yelled after him the same rhyme my Daddy had told me when I was small—‘Twists and turns are its major plan, then find the entrance back where you began’. I hope that puzzled him and that he got lost even more. It must have been hours before he came out again being helped by the Knights. Ha!
Galloway came to find me next—first time he’d spoken to me in a while, though I’m fairly sure he was looking for his new best friend Nocturn. He saw me and smiled. “Hi More Dread,” he’d teased, after seeing me crying. And from that moment I hated him. I couldn’t hurt him—I love him as well, you know—so I just refused to speak and stormed out. Tonight he wasn’t so lucky- I found a whole herd of beddy-bye bugs and put them in his bed. They were nice and scratchy and left him awake for as long as possible.
That nickname is not fun. I don’t like it. And they won’t stop calling me it. I’m Diddy. My name is Diddy, not More Dread. Diddy Lion- the brave, the great, the hero—the friend. And now I don’t know what I am. I don’t like it.
Diary, I still don’t know what to do. What’s happening now seems far scarier than any monster.