//------------------------------// // Tempers Flared // Story: PonyFall: Mile High Apple Pie // by Flint Easthoof //------------------------------// April 17th, 2012 I sat listening to the silence of the night, occasionally taking note of the roar of a late night trucker making his way down the highway to the next truck stop. My mind was still ravished by thoughts of if’s, why’s and how-come’s. I knew of the existence of a few ponies here on Earth, like Rainbow Dash, currently in the care of one ‘Cody’. Since I had yet to shake his hand, I can’t be a legitimate judge of character, but I’ve been hypocritical nonetheless and judged a man (or boy in this case) when it’s not my place, nor will it ever be, to do so. I flicked the cigarette butt into the parking lot in a small cascade of sparks, and sat watching the red glow of the burning tobacco slowly begin to die out. What greater force had thrust this great responsibility on me of all people? Surely I wasn’t the best qualified for just such a task... or was I? Could it have been the fact that I had the means to assist in the reunion of alienated Equestrians? Or was it a sliver of my subconscious that told me I would defend those under my care, to death? Whatever the reason may be, I hoped that I was the right man for the job. I stood up from my spot on the still warm concrete and opened the door to our room. I could hear quiet snoring coming from the bed as I slowly closed the door, allowing it to click near inaudibly lest I disturb the girl under the covers. Then, without a care, I slumped against the door and slid down to the floor. April 18th, 2012 It was the sound of rambunctious kids that managed to wake me from my much needed rest at an ungodly hour of the morning. I half contemplated walking outside and giving them a piece of my mind, but ultimately decided against it as kids would be kids, no matter what one pissy adult said. The faint sound of snoring persisted from the single bed and I took it as a sign to let her sleep some more. Quietly, I opened the door and stepped outside. The brisk morning breeze shook me of my sleep-deprived stupor and allowed me to get a decent look of the buildings just across the interstate. Then, the unholy symbol of gluttony caught my eye. The wonderfully dreadful golden arches of a McDonald’s. I set off toward the oasis of obesity, negligent of the cars stopping in my wake and allowing me safe passage through the parking lot. I waited at the edge of the highway for a minute or so until a lull in rush hour traffic appeared, allowing me to make my way across the two laned symbol of industrial conquest with relative ease. I repeated the procedure for the westbound traffic this time, although with less waiting and a bit more running. “Hello sir, may I take your order.” A cute girl stood behind the counter, her red hair bounced as she chirped happily. “Can I get a tall skinny redhead, ten million dollars and a getaway car?” I always thought it was a stupid joke, but it somehow managed to make the petite gal giggle. “Uh, two medium coffees and four Egg McMuffins please.” I didn’t bother listening to how much it cost and simply pulled a ten dollar bill from my wallet and handed it to her. I took a moment to rub my eyes and yawn. “Here’s your change!” “Thanks,” I replied tiredly. “So... you ride?” “Huh?” I asked stupidly, earning another giggle from the chipper teen.  “You know, ride. Like, motorcycles an stuff.”  “Hmm? Oh, yeah, I do. Why do you ask?” “Well, because you’ve got your jacket on.” I looked at my arm and indeed, there was leather in place of skin. “You know, I really like motorcycles.” Her tone, however suggestive it was, somehow didn’t manage to phase me. “Honey, as much as I’d like to take you home and do things to you that’d make your daddy blush, you’re probably too young for me.” Stupid comments, my finest works doing their job. Messing with people’s heads. I smirked as I took note of her face going from a freckled light pink to a deep red nearly matching her uniform. She didn’t say anything for a few moments, not even when my food was ready. She just stood there, jaw hanging slightly open. “So about that coffee...” She quickly snapped out of her trance and went to grabbing the two cups and filling them, nearly tripping over her own two feet in the process. ~ I somehow managed to make it back to the motel in one piece despite the sudden increase in traffic while I was inside the McDonald’s. I had just opened the door when I heard a snort, giggle and unintelligible muttering from within. Setting our breakfast on the bureau, I gingerly made my way over to where the blonde beauty was passed out. I took a moment to revel in the sight of Applejack with a serious case of bedhead along with the small puddle of spittle next to her cheek. “Wakey wakey, hands off snakey,” I said as I shook her shoulder lightly. “Ah don wanna ernj,” she replied while still asleep. I shook her once more. “geddem way fer me... Nah, thassa sherfermurr...” “Dammit Applejack!” “It weren’t me!” she shouted as she bolted upright from the bed. “What weren’t you?” “What? Oh consarnit, ya caught me talkin’ in my sleep didn’t ya?” she asked sourly. I only smirked in reply as I went back toward the dresser and opened the bag with our food in it. “Hungry?” As we ate, I took the time between bites to explain the ‘brony fandom’ to Applejack. Everything from how it sparked controversy due to the original demographics to all the crazy things people come up with including, but not limited to, music and fan art. “So there’s folks out there that draw pictures of me an the gang?” she asked as I started explaining fan art. “Yup, an then some.” I made a mental note in my head not to include the bit about cloppers. “There’s pictures of just about every pony you know and don’t know, Trixie and Discord are particularly popular.” “Why them? They ain’t that great.” “Don’t ask me, I like the cool ponies,” I dismissed, shrugging. “Oh? An who are the ‘cool ponies’?” It seemed I sparked an odd sense of curiosity from the country gal. I smirked and looked her dead in the eyes. “Do you really wanna know?” “Well, yeah, Ah s’pose.” My smug look turned into a wicked grin. “Spitfire, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Scootaloo, Cloudchaser, Flitter, Thunderlane, Rumble, Snowflake, Aloe, Lotus, Big Macintosh, Soarin, Princess Luna and Braeburn.” “What about Fluttershy an Pinkie Pie?” “They’re cool an all, just annoying to me,” I said after taking a sip of my coffee. “Ah see...” Our morning continued like this up until about nine o’clock. Her asking random questions and me answering them as best I could. When all was said and done, I got up and started making sure I knew where everything was. After we had gotten everything squared away and ready to go, we mounted the bike and set off down I-70 like two bats out of hell, making sure to wake up everybody at the motel with multiple obnoxious revs of the engine. ~ The very second Applejack and I reached the city limit of Chicago, Illinois, a gut wrenching though came into my brain. You see, Chicago is one of those excessively ignorant liberal places that thinks gun laws save lives. And, well, next to Washington D.C., they have the strictest laws, and I don’t even have an open carry permit in Colorado. So suffice it to say, this was not a good situation. With my right hand still on the throttle, I reached down and patted my vest where I had stashed the M1911. I reached back up and pulled the clutch, then shifted down in first as I came upon a gas station. I pulled the bike next to a pump and shut the beast down. As I got off I turned to face AJ. “Hey, guard my girl for a bit, gotta make a quick phone call,” I said, pulling out my phone. “Can do, sugarcube.” Soon as I was out of earshot, I scrolled through my contacts until I came upon the entry ‘Punkass’. “Hello?” “Hey Cody, it’s Garrett. Say, where do you want me to meet you?” “Oh, uh... Here, I’ll just text you the address.”  He sounded a bit confused as if he’d never given somebody directions before... which he probably hasn’t. “Ah, ok, thanks. See you in a bit.” “Later.” “Peace.” I ended the call and walked inside to pay for my fuel and grab a quick snack for Applejack and myself. The second I walked outside to the pump, i got a message on my phone that read '4704 South Cicero Avenue Chicago, IL 60638’ ~ “Oi! Cody! You in here?” I couldn’t help but shout as I strode into the establishment and held the door open for Applejack. “What do you think?” I heard a voice sound from around the corner. “There’s the little punk,” I chided as I went to greet the one I had yet to meet face to face, “So, mind if me an AJ pop a squat here?” “Sure, why not? What do you think, Rebecca?” Cody asked a girl sitting across from him who, oddly enough, had a head of prismatic polychromatic locks. “Who the hell’s Rebecca? I thought Dash was gonna be with ya.” “That would be me, genius,” ‘Rebecca’ sounded. A bit harshly for my taste. “Should’ve known by the hair,” I mused “So Dash, this here little lady next to me look familiar to ya?” I gestured to my left, evidently there was nobody there. “Who are you talking about? I don’t see anyone.” “He’s talkin’ ‘bout me, Applejack, remember?” Applejack said from my right side. Thus, an unimaginable spark was ignited in the magenta orbs of the former flying pony “Of course I remember AJ! How could I not remember one of my bestest friends?” “Ah’ve missed ya’ll so much!” Applejack bid goodbye to any sort of manners and went straight to grabbing her friend up in a bone crushing hug. I, however, took it upon myself to push Cody farther into the booth and sit down. “Jesus, calm your tits. Ain’t been that long has it?” Girls seemed to be really emotional for some unknown reason that was forever beyond my comprehension. “To them it might’ve been. Also, I think your bad language is influencing Applejack in a bad way.” It’s not I said anything bad... “Boy, you want your ass whooped now or later?” Snide remarks engaged. “Depends, but I’ll take my chances,” Cody countered, quicker than I had imagined possible for the short, skinny twerp. “So Dash,” I addressed the former pegasus “Has whistle britches here hurt you at all since he found ya?” “Besides, that sparring match we had, he’s been doing an awesome job. At least he has some food in the fridge,” she said matter-of-factly despite my skeptical gaze. “So... he hasn’t caused you any sort of pain whatsoever?” One can never be too sure with these bronies. “I said sparring. What more do you want from me? The only pain I’ve gotten is from these two dumb guys from school.” What did school boys have to do with anything? I was talking about Cody, or ‘Punkass’ as I so fondly prefer to refer to him. “No emotional turmoil or anything like that?” I was growing impatient, why couldn’t anybody just give straight answers? I swear, she was like a politician. “Easy there big fella, jus’ simmer down a bit.” Unfortunately, Applejack had decided to butt in before I could get a clear retort. “She looks fine to me.” “You sure? Cause I want a damn good reason just to clock him.” I looked next to me at the kid who’s eyes went wide for a second. “Yes Ah’m sure. Now can we get somethin’ to eat or what? Ah’m mighty hungry.” “Finally!” And then there were five. Somehow I hadn’t noticed the tall, and admittedly pretty, white girl leaning against the wall. “Who’s this chick?” I asked dumbly. “This chick has a name partner.” ‘This chick is a bitch,’ I thought “And that name is Sarah. Now for the love of God just stop arguing and let’s have a nice chat... or at least try to have one,” a bit too naggy for my taste, but I could work with that. “Fine. What do you want, AJ?” I asked as AJ sat quietly next to her old friend. “Uhhh... whadda they got?” she asked me, as if I knew. “Cody,” I nudged my new compadre with an elbow, “What they got here for chow?” “It’s a McDonald’s,” he explained quickly “Don’t ask me why there’s no sign in front of the building. Maybe hidden?” How the hell could it be a McDonald’s and I not know about it? “No shit? Well uh... I guess you could have like an ice cream or salad or somethin’...” “Get a salad. They’re awesome, but I’d prefer a daisy sandwich any day,” Dash said, beaming. “Salad sounds good ta me,” the former farm pony nodded in agreement. “Alrighty, I’ll be back,” I began as I sat up to go get some food, “You just stay here an get caught up with Dash. C’mon Cody.” “Can do,” Applejack said with a wave. ~         To be honest, I didn’t think Garrett could do it. I mean to travel so far and be able to find my best friend so easily, it was hard to believe. But being here at this... whatever they called it, I felt wonderful knowing Dash was alright. “So RD, Cody here been good to ya or ya just blowin’ smoke back there?” I asked. “Like I said, we were sparring, but the first time was kinda my fault...” I noticed she hung her head a bit. “What happened?” I reached over and placed my... uh, hand, on her withers, no, oh what’d G call them... shoulder, that’s it. “I, um... overreacted and thought he was a minion of Discord, so I attacked him,” she said, a tad morose. Not that I could blame her. “Yep... that’s just about the same thing Ah did. Felt mighty sorry for a while after though.” I nodded my head with a small smile. “Same here, but he patched up the damage and told me he’d help me find you guys.” At least he had the manners to help her out afterward. “So now we just gotta find Twi, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity an the Princesses. Boy howdy! Ah can’t wait ta see ‘em,” I exclaimed. I just felt so energized now that I was here with Rainbow. “I can’t wait either!” RD turned to me with an excited look. “I mean, I spent the entire week searching for you guys... or tried too.” She looked away for a second, a little forlorn-looking “It’s hard when you don’t have wings anymore.” “Ah know how ya feel.” I really did “Ah done went crazy when Ah saw Ah didn’t have mah hooves.” “Same here. By the way, what happened when he found you?” Now it was her turn to ask the questions. “Thought he was some sorta monster an attacked him. Didn’t exactly work too well on my end. Ended up with him holdin’ me in a way Ah could barely breath an couldn’t move much,” I said, remembering the moment I met Garrett. ~ I heard AJ’s and Dash’s voices as I approached the table. I guess they were talking about when me and AJ first got acquainted and how I put her in a choke hold. “It’s called the rear naked choke. Brother taught it to me,” I said as I sat down after Cody. “An let me just say you had it comin’, goin’ all batshit crazy on me like that.” “You went that crazy AJ?” Rainbow Dash laughed. I noticed her eyes went derpy for a second then back to normal. “Boy, I would’ve loved to see that,” she said, still a bit giggly. She then turned serious “But still, you could’ve killed her!” “Nah, it ain’t lethal,” I explained as i picked a french fry off of our tray. “It only knocks em out for a bit. If I wanted to kill her I could’ve just slit her throat,” I added nonchalantly. “Anyway, food’s here!” “Alright, so the salads for the ladies and the burger for Garrett. That means the Big Macs are ours, Sarah.” I wondered what the difference was between a Big Mac and a burger, but didn’t pursue the issue. I noticed AJ looked surprised at what Cody had just said, all I could do was shoot her a look that said ‘I’ll explain later.’ “Yeah, yeah, just give me my food so I can eat. All I’ve been doing is driving you and Tyler around my hometown like a bunch of children,” Sarah said, obviously agitated “No offense to Dash though.” “Nah, it’s all good.” Dash replied. “Really? Punkass made you do all the driving?” I was honestly surprised, he looked old enough to drive, so why wouldn’t he? “I thought you were like seventeen, boy.” “Technically, he’s seventeen and I’m nineteen. That and I know these streets better than these two because I grew up here. So please... can I just eat?” All hail Queen Bitch? Whatever happened to polite conversation? “I didn’t say you couldn’t, so chow down, Miss Priss,” I replied through a mouthful of fries and burger. To which I received a slap to the back side of my head. Sarah had officially pissed me off. “Call me priss again and it’ll be your face.” 'Try it, I dare you,' I thought. “Hit me again an you’ll be speakin’ Arabic for the rest of your life,” I warned, knowing that, being a woman, likely under the constraints of Prehistoric Monster Syndrome, wouldn’t listen all too well. “To think I thought you were kinda pretty,” I muttered quietly. “Right... like I’ll let you touch me,” she replied sarcastically. 'Whoever said I needed your permission?' “Alright then, have you met Discord?” Sarah asked in her ever-bitchy tone. “Nope, why?” “Weird, I’d thought he’d meet everyone with a pony...” What’s this? A change in her demeanor? Obviously PMSing, nobody ever goes from ‘I’m Queen of everything’ to ‘So how are you today?’, that quickly. “That’s a negatory, Ghost Rider. Guess the ‘D’ man didn’t want nothin’ to do with me.” I didn’t even know he was out ‘meeting’ people in the first place. You’d think he’d be locked up the second the fuzz found him. “Maybe it was because you weren’t part of his plan or something?” Sarah quipped. Did Discord even have plans? “I don’t know.” “Probably cause I’m so damn pretty,” I joked in the vain attempt to preserve the lighthearted mood. “Haha, yeah right and I’m the Queen of England,” Sarah joked sardonically. I thought I was the only one who ever used that phrase. “Well then where’s your entourage?” I challenged jokingly. “Somewhere you don’t need to know.” Just like that, she was back to her hateful attitude. “Fine. Just be sure to pull that big honkin’ stick,” or would it be a string? “out yer ass soon, I’m gettin’ real tired of your attitude.” “Whatever!” I couldn’t tell, but I had a feeling I’d struck a nerve. One point to G-Man, Zero points to Queen I-Hate-Everything. “Geez, you could be a bit, you know, nicer to her?” Rainbow Dash said, sounding a bit defensive. “I’m an equal opportunity asshole. No holds barred. You get what you give. Hence why I ain’t givin’ you shit, you haven’t given me a reason to.” It’s true, I am. Just ask anybody. “Seriously? We gave you food!” “Actually, I bought mine an AJ’s,” I dismissed half-heartedly. “Yeah, he kind of did buy his own food, Dash,” Cody interjected. Glad to know he was on my side. “That still doesn’t mean he gets to pick on anybody like that!” I wasn’t actually picking on anybody. Besides, Sarah started it. “Like I said, you get what you give. An I ain’t got no qualms with you, especially since, next to AJ an Spitfire, you’re my favorite.” Oh god, I love Spitfire. I was even wearing my shirt with her on it that day. “Oh really? You know Spitfire?” “I wish.” I would die happy if I could. “From what I’ve seen though, she’s the ultimate badass, an pretty chill.” “Yeah, she’s chill,” RD said smugly. I didn’t even know that ponies used the term ‘chill’ for an alternative to ‘laid-back’. “But I’m not sure she’s a badass, whatever that means. More like amazingly awesome! I did get to talk with her for a while, ya know.” It seemed Rainbow had gone fangirl on us to match her bragging. “Yup. After the Best Young Flyer dealy-o right?” I asked, distinctly remembering the episode where Dash did her ‘Sonic Rainboom’. Honestly, I’m still jealous of that. Ever since Spitfire first showed up in the show with a vocal bit, I’ve yearned for the chance of being able to meet her in some way. “Yep, she was going on about how my amazing skills saved her life and it was something she had never seen before and-” AJ cut off her friend before she could continue. “Alright you two, jus’ calm down an eat please. Ah’m gettin’ a bit of a headache jus’ listenin’ to ya’ll bicker an whatnot.” I could see it in her eyes, she looked pretty tired as well. “AJ’s right. Let’s dig in!” That being said, we all went silent and returned to our food. Every so often I’d catch Sarah looking at me with a hateful glare. I really hoped somebody would hit her with a truck or something soon because I didn’t want to be the one to do the dirty deed.