//------------------------------// // Just forget me... // Story: Buck My Life // by JasontheDemon //------------------------------// Just forget me... For the past week I had been spending a fair amount of time with each of the mane six. I knew that I was nearly out of time here and Discord would tell me that I was ready to make the journey home any day now. I felt like I needed to at least spend my last days doing everything I ever wanted to do since I had little time left to do it. I started off by hanging out with Applejack the day after Twilight got over being sick. I thought that it was going to be a horrible day of excruciating physical labor, but it wasn’t all that bad to tell you the truth. She gave me a tour of the place and pointed out how they were able to be efficient with as little effort as possible. The hindsight of it all was astounding. She explained that because of the layout of the orchard, it only needed two hard working ponies to manage the vast expanse of land. We did eventually get to buck some trees, but just for fun... though it actually humiliated me more than it made me happy. I was only able to knock two apples from the tree I bucked... Applejack managed to clean the tree with no more that what appeared to be a tap. Eventually we started to laugh at the absurd difference in our strength (or at least that's what I was laughing about), and I left to rest up for the next day. After Applejack, I decided to see what Pinkie was up to, just because I’m a sucker for punishment. Pinkie suggested we play ‘hide and seek’. For some odd reason the idea appealed to me... perhaps it was because hide and seek was my favourite childhood game and brought with it a feeling of nostalgia. Pinkie decided to hide first and declared that she was impossible to beat, to which I replied, “We’ll just see about that”. I looked for her for twenty minutes or so before giving up. Thinking it was an opportune time to relax without her I lounged in one of Sugarcube Corners booths and opened a bag of chips. I nearly had a heart attack when Pinkie defied the laws of physics by bursting out of the bag yelling, “YOU FOUND ME!”. The rest of the day was equally bizarre and I would rather not talk about it... but let me just say that Pinkies cutie mark should have been a question mark for ‘how the hell did she do that?’. The third day was filled with fashion and a white unicorn. Rarity and I debated over which colors looked well together. I kept telling her that it was a matter of looking on a color wheel and finding the polar opposite. She told me that it was far more complicated than that. ‘Colors present a certain mood and show who you are inside. To say that it is as easy as calculating a pattern and there is always a specific order is ridiculous’... yeah right, tell the artist that he’s wrong about color. We did have a few things that we agreed upon though. We both thought that cruelness was not something that should bring pleasure, so we both despised bullies. We also thought that this one stallion that walked in totally looked like a girl. What was even more hilarious was the way he talked. She never admitted it, but when I did an impression of him after he left, she couldn’t contain her giggles no matter how much she told me it wasn’t funny. Rarity kept saying I was ‘awful’ but I could tell she was just embarrassed to laugh at another pony. My fourth target was Gilda. She set up a arm wrestling stand and bet that she could take on any pony for two bits a pop. I was the referee and the one who casted a spell to make sure the table wouldn’t break under Gilda's strength (since she had already broken three tables by the time I arrived). I really didn’t even know why I had to referee the matches. It was obvious to everyone watching who won. Gilda was actually a good sport when it was over though and she seemed much happier. She would greet her opponent with a friendly handshake, then compliment their effort after she had won, and finish it up by wishing them luck next time. She was almost entirely different from the time we had faced off and I was proud of her. After she was worn out, we took some time to walk around Ponyville and mess around. We stopped by a book store and checked out what they had. I didn’t really go to the place myself but apparently Gilda did. The pony at the cash register even knew her personally. While there, the griffin got a couple beauty magazines... I was completely speechless. Who would have guessed she was into that sort of thing? As we went our separate ways Gilda told me to ‘keep it real’ and I told her ‘as long as you don’t turn into a sissy by reading those lame magazines’. She gave me a playful punch in the arm and I cringed, then she asked, “Who’s the sissy now?” The day after Gilda was a toss up between a gentle and calm pegasus versus a wild and out of control daredevil pegasus. Feeling like I needed some downtime to relax before handling the light blue thrill seeker, I decided to go with Fluttershy first. The day started out well enough and she was as kind as ever, but soon enough I saw Angel hit a carrot out of her mouth and I didn’t take it too well. “Hey, Angel... if I were you I would seriously think about the consequences of being so disrespectful to your caregiver. You may not realize this but she doesn’t need to put up with your crap. If she wanted, she could easily give you the boot and toss you into the Everfree Forest, oh and believe me... there are some hungry creatures in there that would just love to pick their teeth with your bones.” Angels eyes went wide and he hugged Fluttershys leg as if he would die should he let her go. I looked up at Fluttershy and gave a small smile. After overcoming the initial shock of her little bunny’s fear induced action, she smiled back, knowing that I made him scared of me so he would rush to her for protection. I metaphorically pushed him further away from me and closer towards her in order to strengthen their bond. Besides the Angel situation, the day was rather peaceful. I took some time to lay back in a nice patch of grass and just breathe in the fresh air of the beautiful sunny day. That was something I hadn’t done in a while and it was long overdue. After Fluttershy was done with the rest of the animals, she laid beside me and smiled as she looked up at the passing clouds. One thing I noticed was that the clouds just looked like clouds. They didn’t change shape and there was no way to mistake them for anything other than clouds. I asked what the deal with that was and Fluttershy had no clue what I was talking about. Apparently since pegasi were the ones who made the weather, the clouds never acted on their own and thus never resembled anything unless a pegasus intentionally decided to give the cloud form. I pitied the ponies of Equestria in a way, because they would never be able to revel in the simple act of pointing out shapes in the sky. Then finally there was the day with Rainbow Dash. She thought the more the merrier so she invited Gilda, Pinkie, and five of her old flight school friends as well... lets just say by the end of the day I hurt in places I didn’t know I had and leave it at that. It was a good thing I was a quick healer because I thought that I would wrap things off with a picnic at the park. I knew my time left was short and I didn’t want to waste a single minute, but that got the others to be suspicious of my actions. Throughout the day I could tell that they were trying to figure out why I was spending so much time with them when every other day I would go out of my way to avoid contact with them. They whispered back and forth in between conversations, thinking I wasn’t able to realize what they were saying just by the looks they gave me. I continued to play it cool and do my best to keep them out of the know... they didn’t need to worry about me as long as I was concerned. Besides the looks and speculation I was receiving, everything seemed perfect. Perfect sky; perfect temperature; perfect light breeze; perfect food... perfect group of friends that I didn’t belong to. I knew it was true. I didn’t fit in with them, I wasn’t as caring or cheerful. I wasn’t even a pony. If you were to take a picture of us all and show it to a handful five-year olds then ask which one didn’t belong... they would choose me every time. It didn’t upset me that I wasn’t one of them, it just gave me more reason to do what was right. I hid my feelings with jokes and conversation, keeping my true thoughts in the shadows. Rainbow Dash and I got into a discussion about weather. For some odd reason she couldn’t wrap her mind around how our weather systems worked no matter how many times I explained it. “Okay so you’re saying that clouds aren’t like pillows and you cant touch them...” “Yes!” I replied with an exasperated tone. “Well then how do you get rid of them?” She asked for the third time. My eye twitched and I felt like my head was going to explode from her sheer stupidity. “I ALREADY TOLD YOU! WE DON’T GET RID OF THEM! THEY DO IT ON THEIR OWN THROUGH RAIN!” Rainbow Dash paused for a second and then asked, “But how do they know when to rain if you can’t hit them?” I flopped down face first into the ground and felt like crying from my frustration but knew that was never going to happen. I heard the others around me laughing at my reaction to Dash. After getting up and brushing myself off, Applejack walked over and patted me on the back saying, “It’s alright sugarcube, ya can’t always teach an old Rainbow new tricks.” “And what’s that supposed to mean?! I can do any trick, any time, any where!” the pegasus shouted, offended by the very thought of being unable to perform a new trick. “See that’s ah'm talkin’ about right there!” Applejack said jokingly as we all laughed. * * * * * * The picnic eventually came to a close and we each went our separate ways. I didn’t know exactly why, but I was relieved that Discord hadn’t shown up to get me yet. It was weird. When I first found out that I was in the real land of Equestria, I had only the thought of returning home on my mind, but now roughly two months later... I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to my old life. I knew that my goal was still important and I wanted to save humanity from the downfall it was succumbing to, however for reasons I could not explain, I felt I belonged in Equestria as well. I shook the thought from my head as soon as it formed. I couldn’t go soft when I was so close to achieving what I wanted most. I belonged on Earth, not in a cartoon land of talking horses. While hammering the fact that my appearance in this realm was a mistake, I noticed Twilight had stopped. I saw that she was looking straight ahead with her eyes practically bulging out of her head. I followed her gaze and saw what had caused the sudden shock... Discord was leaning against the front door of the library. “Discord?! What are you doing here?!” Twilight shouted in complete surprise. She always spoke to him with a bitterness that told me she still did not trust the creature of chaos, and really who could blame her? He put her through hell and nearly destroyed every friendship she had. This made my next move all the more difficult. “He’s here to take me home...” I said solemnly. Twilight shook her head and looked at me confused. “But... this is home, isn’t it?” Discord started to chuckle as I went inside. Twilight followed me inside as I removed a cushion hiding a small brown sack. I dropped it in front of her and a few gold coins fell out. I spent any spare time I had the previous week by drawing portraits of ponies in the streets for souvenirs. They gave me a few bits for my small service. All together I had saved up about thirty bits, and even though I believed that my stay versus the amount I had earned didn’t equal up to a fair trade, it was the best I could do. “Wh-what’s this for?” Twilight asked showing a tinge of fear at this point. “Rent... I feel that this is better than nothing, but if you still require more I could give you this since you seem to like it.” I said staring at the floor between us, suspending my MP3 player in mid-air. “Rent? Jason... what are you saying?” Twilight asked, so broken up that she reverted to using my true name. “What he’s saying is that he’s leaving! And here I was thinking you were the smart one of the bunch...” Discord remarked sardonically as he ran his talons claw along the bookshelves lining the walls. Twilights gaze shifted to Discord and then back to me as if to ask if he was telling the truth. I said nothing in response, knowing full well that gave her all the information she needed. She pushed my MP3 player into my chest, showing she didn't want it. What she said next was the one thing I didn’t want to hear from her. “I... I’ll miss you.” she sniffled. I wished that she hadn’t said that. I didn’t want her to miss me or care about me or even remember me. I knew what her feelings towards me were and I didn’t want to put her in a position where she would feel any sadness after I was gone. I just wanted her and everyone else to pick up where they left off like I was never in Equestria to begin with. My presence had tampered with the balance of things and I had to make sure that nothing would change because of it. I had to give Twilight a reason to want me gone and be happier without me... in short, this was going to suck. “Well I won’t miss you!” I snapped with a vicious glare. “All you did was give me a place to stay, you never helped me with anything I wanted!” Twilight gasped and took a step back before asking, “Wh-where did this all come from?!” I couldn't back down now, so I got up in her face and growled, “It came from you’re so-called ‘friendship’! Friendship was fake in my world so it stands to reason that its fake here! Everyone desires to get something out of the person they help. I know you never cared, you only want me here because I’m ‘the discovery of a lifetime’... and you want to be famous for it. Admit it, you are only looking out for yourself!” “No I’m not! How could you say such a thing?! What’s wrong with you?!” she cried in return. Discord was merely watching us as we began to go at it. He seemed to enjoy the show I was putting on, while I on the other hand only wished for it to end as fast as possible. “There’s nothing wrong with me!” I shouted back, “I’m just finally returning to the REAL world, away from all this fake bullcrap!” “Real world?! Oh so this world isn’t REAL enough for you?!” I managed to force a realistic fake laugh before countering her with a long hidden secret, “You think this world is real?! Haven’t you ever wondered why I know so much about this place and the ponies in it when I am from another dimension entirely? The reason why I knew about where you lived, who you were, who your friends were, and where I was is because this place is fake! Back on Earth we make up our own stories and forms of entertainment and this place is one of them! We made up this world and everyone in it as a way of keeping children entertained! This house? These books?! YOU!?! NOTHING HERE REALLY EXISTS! YOU'RE FAKE! MAKE BELIEVE! A STUPID MADE UP CHARACTER FOR KIDS TO LAUGH AT!” Tears started to well up in Twilights eyes.“Y-You’re lying...” She said shakily through clenched teeth. My words were not only taking a toll on her, but me as well. I felt sick to my stomach from acting so horrible to one so kind. However I had to push a little bit further. I had to break her bond with me completely. I just kept mentally telling myself, ‘It’s for her own good... it’s for her own good’. “I’m lying am I? Am I really?! Well then I guess you won’t believe me when I say Celestia was going to let you get eaten by that dragon to save her own skin!” I shouted hoping to strike that all important final chord. Twilight's expression went dead. Her body posture went from ‘about to charge’ to ‘slumped down and depressed’. If I didn’t know any better I would have said her batteries died, but that was far from the case. She muttered something under her breath and I even though I knew the basic idea of what she said, I had to confirm it amongst us. “What’s that? I’m sorry but I have a hard time hearing you since, well you know... you’re an imaginary horse!” “I HATE YOU! I WAS RIGHT FROM THE START! YOU ARE A JERK! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! JUST GET OUT!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. If you ever wanted the definition of bittersweet... there you go. Now that I had her in the right state of mind all I had to do was lead her into saying one last thing, the point to the whole fight. “So you want me out now?! You know what? Forget you!” “NO, FORGET YOU!” Twilight shouted back at me, saying the exact words I wanted her to. “Forget me?! Okay! Sure! JUST FORGET ME! FORGET ALL ABOUT ME! FORGET I EVEN EXISTED!” I turned and stomped towards the door as I said, “Come on Discord, were leaving.” After slamming the wooden door behind me, I let go of my pseudo-rage and relaxed, knowing full well that I had put on a believable show to fool Twilight. What I felt was strange to me. My stomach was in knots, there was a lump in my throat that made it hard to breathe steadily, and to my surprise, my heart felt constricted. I found this odd because scientifically speaking your heart couldn’t feel. There were no nerve receptors in the heart and made it impossible to actually feel pain originate from the heart itself, that's why the first sign of a heart attack is your left arm going numb. So if that was the case what was I feeling? I would have said sadness but there was more to it than that. I didn’t care how I felt. I just kept walking with my gaze ahead of me. Like when I was in middle school everything seemed dull and muffled. I was like a zombie... not focused on anything really. I even bumped into someone along the way and ignored him completely. I didn’t even bother to see who it was and kept moving forward towards the train. I was just ready to go home and go back to my old life, as empty and miserable as it was. As we neared the station, Discord laughed heartily and patted me on the back. “That was the best performance that I’ve seen in eons! I think you might have went a little too far by telling her that Celestia wasn’t going to save her back at the palace, but it was still a wonderful show nonetheless.” His praise went unthanked as we boarded the locomotive. I picked a seat near the door and put on my headphones. I switched my MP3 player to shuffle and let fate decide the song. I laughed at the irony of what it came up with. ‘Hate Me’ by Blue October... typical. If I actually believed in a God I would have thought that I was being sent a message, luckily I didn’t. As the train began to make its departure I put my hoof on my forehead and forced down a gag from the ever growing lump in my throat. While the song played I had one last thought... ‘What kind of monster am I?’.