//------------------------------//
// Tickets to the What?! 
// Story: A Series of Inexplicably Convenient Events 
// by Shanenator 
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A Series of Inexplicably Convenient Events

Original concept written and edited by Shanenator

Chapter Three: Tickets to the What?!

*****

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

No. Go away. Not right now. Do they have any idea what time it is?! Just leave me alone! Yeah…they’ll be gone soon. No biggie. Just wait it out, Twilight…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Oh, a tough guy, eh? Well, two can play at that game! I ain’t budging! And there’s nothing you can do about it!

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Uuuugggh make it stoooop…looks like it’s time to execute contingency plan alpha…

“Sparfkermumblrgdado.”

Okay, even I have to admit that was pathetic. Executing contingency plan alpha, round two…

“Spike, get the door,” I managed to mumble around my pillow. Haha! Success! Unfortunately, my efforts were rewarded with nothing more than a snort from somewhere across the room and a mumbled word that I’m fairly certain was ‘Rarity.’ Oh, good gravy…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

I swear to Cele-

Hmmm…

I swear to Luna, if the town isn’t ON FIRE right this VERY MOMENT somepony is going to be in some serious hot water. Begrudgingly, and that is quite the understatement, I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed and staggered over to the front door.

KNOCK KNOCK KNO-

Without any warning whatsoever, I angrily unbolted the front door and flung it open, snapping “what!?” with potentially enough venom to incapacitate a foal.

Or at least, that was the plan. Unfortunately, the intruding pony was not expecting the door to go from closed to open in half a second flat and ending up creaming me in the face with enough velocity to knock me flat on my back before I could get a single word in edgewise. Woah…since when did trains barrel through ponies’ front doors? 

The world went black. Again.

*****

“Uuuggh…my face…” Like usual, the first thing I heard upon regaining consciousness was my own moaning. Seriously, waking up is like the worst possible thing in the world. I’ll admit that this time the reason was a bit unorthodox, but at least I’m still consistent in some manners. Too much has changed recently for my liking.

That stuck-up, no-good, pretty little princess…

I gingerly reached a hoof up to my face. I winced in pain as I touched the area around my right eye. Although I wasn’t yet sure, I was pretty certain I now sported the most impressive shiner I’ve ever had the misfortune to obtain. Great. Just another reason to despise Ponyville beyond anything I’ve ever despised before. And that’s saying something.

I. HATE. CABBAGES.

Ahem…sorry. I’m sometimes prone to fly into uncontrollable rages whenever images of the green abominations appear in my head. It’s one of my few flaws. Fortunately, however, I was spared the effort of having to put my house back together again by something equally detestable presenting itself and acquiring my focus.

“Twilight!” a voice rang out from my left. I groggily opened my eyes, which was easier said than done thanks to the undoubtedly large amount of swelling around my right eye, sat up, and turned to see who had spoken. Oh look. It was psycho-farmer. That would certainly explain why I was laid out by a single punch. 

Applejack swiftly entered my bedroom and hurried over to where I sat on my bed. “Ah’m so sorry ‘bout hittin’ ya! It’s jest that ya opened th’ door so fast, Ah wasn’t expectin’ that at all, an’ Ah’m so glad ta see yer not seriously injured, sorry ‘bout that black eye though, that’s a real doozy, an’ Ah’ll do mah very best ta make it up ta ya, an’-”

“Applejack,” I said plainly, holding up a hoof to signal her to stop running her mouth. She thankfully complied. “It’s fine. It’s my fault, really. But what are you doing in my house? And, more importantly, why were you banging incessantly on my door at ungodly hours of the morning?”

Applejack tilted her head in confusion. “Twilight…it was half past noon.”

I tried to keep my face expressionless. “And?”

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Twilight, y’all can’t seriously be tryin’ ta tell me that ya were still sleepin’. Everypony in town is up an’ at ‘em by at least ten! Ya can’t jest sleep th’ whole day away! Ain’t nopony got time fer that.”

I heaved a heavy sigh of frustration. “Applejack, look. I’ll do you a favor and lay it out nice and simple for you. Being Princess Celestia’s personal student is incredibly demanding. I need an above-average amount of sleep in order to perform at an acceptable level on a routine basis.” Keep a straight face, Twilight…come on you can do this…

“I’ve spent the last couple of days running around in the Everfree forest and defeating Nightmare Moon. Which, as I’m sure you are aware, are activities that do not involve healthy amounts of sleep. Therefore, I must make up my lost sleep time today and tomorrow by, in fact, sleeping most of the day away. So yes, I actually do have time for that, thank you very much.” I ended my rant speaking a bit louder than I probably should have, but I was at least able to refrain from shouting.

Applejack was regarding me curiously, as though I was some foreign entity to be studied with a passing interest. “Ah…see,” she finally said. “Well then, Ah’m awful sorry ‘bout wakin’ ya. Ah’ll try ta remember not ta come knockin’ at reasonable hours. Does four in th’ morn sound more ta yer likin’?”

Was that…a joke? Once again, I have been reminded why Applejack is by far the most tolerable of my ‘friends.’

I let loose a short guffaw of laughter. Applejack grinned at that, clearly pleased at the reaction she was able to provoke from me. I grinned back and slapped her heartily on the back. “Ha! Good one, AJ. No, please do come at reasonable hours. If you have to come at all. Truth be told, it’s probably for the best that I didn’t sleep all day. Recovering from a nocturnal schedule is not easy. Trust me, I know.”

Applejack simply rolled her eyes. “Ah’m sure. Anyways, sorry again fer hittin’ ya in th’ face like that. Y’all sure yer okay?” 

I waved her off with a hoof as I stood and started to head downstairs. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’ve seen far worse. So what was it that you wanted?” I called behind me. I could hear Applejack following me down the stairs.

“Ah wanted ta ask ya a favor.” I rolled my one good eye. The other wasn’t quite in peak eye-rolling condition. 

“I’m afraid to ask, but since you’re my friend I’ll relent. What did you have in mind?” I cautiously ventured as I pulled some ice out of the freezer to place over my eye. I dourly noted that there was very little food in the fridge. I’d have to go shopping or go out to eat. Both unfortunately involved going places. Ugh, the universe was so cruel.

“Ah made a bet with mah brother, Big Macintosh. Unfortunately, Ah didn’t quite think it through and Ah’m in a bit over mah head. Ah’d really appreciate if ya could help me win it. Ah tried askin’ th’ other girls first, but they’re all busy today. Yer my last chance, Twi.” I smiled slightly as I ruminated on the situation. Coming to me for help? Desperate measures indeed. I also noticed with some interest that we’d devolved to using shortened names for each other. Truly, I was really good at this whole ‘friendship’ thing.

I turned to face Applejack, who was surprisingly looking a bit nervous. “What happens if you win the bet?” I asked.

The apple farmer smirked mischievously. “Ol’ Mac will have ta walk through town wearin’ one of Granny’s girdles!” She chuckled to herself. I too let loose a short bark of laughter as a particularly silly image drifted through my mind.

“How amusing,” I commented, staring out the window for a moment. That didn’t seem like the whole story, though. There was something…more. I slowly turned back to her, a sly smirk on my face. “And if you lose?”

Applejack flushed bright red and fidgeted on the spot. “Ah’d…rather not talk ‘bout it.” 

I raised my good eyebrow. My other was currently trapped under a cold pack. “Oh, come now AJ. It can’t possibly be that bad. C’mon, out with it.”

She fidgeted again. “Ah’d REALLY not like ta talk ‘bout it,” she repeated, this time with a slight warning tone in her voice. Considering that this was the pony who laid me out with one accidental punch, I decided it might be wise to not push her buttons. 

I sighed. “Alright, alright. You don’t want to talk about it. What would I have to help you do, then?”

Applejack’s eyes lit up. “Oh, nothin’ much. Just gettin’ th’ whole Golden Delicious crop stored in th’ barn. That’s all. Ah’ve already done half of it mahself.”

Wait. She came to my house…and woke me up…to ask me if I wanted to help her WORK?? Was this pony crazy? Had she lost it? Did she even know me at all? Hmph. Some friend. “Applejack,” I said in a monotone as I fixed her with the most uninterested stare I could muster. “You of all ponies should know that, above all else, I despise unnecessary work.”

She frowned. “Ah know, but Ah was hopin’ ya’d be willin’ ta help a friend out. We are friends, right?” she asked with a slight hint of worry in her voice.

Well, there’s only one way to answer that question if I don’t want Celestia breathing down my neck. “…Yes…” I said slowly. “But that still doesn’t mean I like doing physical labor.”

Applejack sighed. “Please, Twi? Just this once? Ah promise Ah won’t bother ya again, it’s just that all th’ other girls were busy! Simply th’ rottenest of luck!”

I considered her request for a moment. I knew the right thing to do was to help her out. Still, my muscles shuddered slightly just thinking about all the hard work I was being begged to do. I let out a long sigh. If I turned her down here, it could jeopardize what fragile friendship we have. And that would simply not do. Besides, maybe I could write my friendship report on this whole ordeal. Kill multiple alicorns with one stone, as it were. I would be crazy to turn down a solution to my assignments that waltzed in my front door. If there’s one thing worse than actually doing the work, it’s searching for that work before the work even begins.

I let loose another long sigh. “Alright…I suppose I’ll help you out. Just this once.”

“YEEEEHAW!” Applejack cheered, pumping her hoof in the air victoriously. “Ah knew ya wouldn’t let me down, partner!” 

I smiled at her antics. That smile then grew significantly wider and eviler as a thought crossed my mind. “But,” I abruptly interrupted her celebrations. “If I’m going to bust my flank for you, I at LEAST deserve to know what you agreed to do if you lost,” I finished with a smirk.

Her face fell. “Twilight…” she trailed off nervously.

“Come ooon,” I pressed eagerly. “You can tell me! I won’t say a word! C’mon, we’re friends, right?”

She was slowly faltering. She evidently REALLY wanted my help. Suddenly, her face lit up and she smiled knowingly. “How’s ‘bout instead Ah treat ya ta a home-baked Apple family meal once we’re done?”

I frowned as I considered her offer. It was rather tempting, and I WAS out of food…

GGRRROOOWWWLLL

…Stupid stomach. I blushed a bit. Applejack’s smile reminded me of a wolf’s. “Well, well, well. Sounds like a mighty solid ‘yes’ ta me, Twi.”

I pouted, but relented. “All right, fine. Keep your secrets. I help you with the apples, and you cook me food. Deal?”

Applejack’s smile remained radiant. She spit on her forehoof and held it out to me. “Deal!”

I looked at her extended hoof with utter contempt. No WAY was I going to touch that. Ew, gross. “Applejack, turn your flank around and march out of my front door before you successfully convince me that I’m going to legitimately regret this.”

*****

Fortunately, the chagrined earth pony complied without a word. She clearly really wanted my help. As I was preparing to leave, though, a sudden thought struck me. An idea. A wonderful idea. A simply wonderful, AWFUL idea. 

I hastily marched up the stairs and silently entered the bedroom. Spike, the lazy little slacker, was still sound asleep. I crept right up next to him, took a deep breath, and unloaded.

“HEY SPIKE!!”

The response was instantaneous. The poor little dragon’s eyes shot open, and then his entire body shot into the air in surprise. Taking one step to the right and two steps back, he landed directly on my back with a slight thud. “Wakey-wakey sunshine!” I cheered as I began to trek back down the stairs. “You’re going to help me and Applejack with her apples! Won’t that be fun?”

Spike grumbled something unintelligent before replying. “Don’t you mean ‘Applejack and I’?” he groused.

“Nope!” I replied cheerfully. 

Yeah, that’s right Celestia. I just went there. Suck it.

*****

“Nope…nope…nope…nope…”

Okay, maybe bringing Spike along was a bad idea. In fact, I think I’ll put that on my list of ‘worst ideas I’ve ever had.’ Which, by the way, is the ONLY list worth actually updating and studying. It’s my scripture. Knowing that list forwards, backwards, and upside-down is the key to avoiding unnecessary work. Oh, and agreeing to help on the farm might also be worthy of addition. I’ll be sure to jot it down when I get home.

If I survive.

By Luna’s moon, I think I’m going to die. Celestia’s sun is unbearably hot. Applejack insists on loading up the baskets until they’re heaped with apples, making them ridiculously heavy. And the barn is SO FAR AWAY from the trees. It also doesn’t help that the good-for-nothing, lazy twerp named Spike has been seated on my back the whole time searching for, as he calls it, the ‘perfect snack.’ The only reason why I haven’t thrown him off yet is that he lightens my load as I walk. I’ll take that trade-off for now.

“Nope…nope…nope…” He continued to toss out unsatisfactory apples. After our first trip, Applejack noticed his behavior and insisted he only throw out bruised or otherwise unappealing apples. So I guess he’s actually helping a bit and saving the Apple family the trouble of sorting them later. Even if he is free-loading off of my own valiant, hard-working self in the process.

I hardly noticed Applejack trotting up beside me with yet another load of apples. Holy cow, that mare is a MACHINE. She’s easily made four times as many trips as I have and she hasn’t even broken a sweat! I struggled to think of a good reason why she couldn’t just handle this job herself. Luna knows I’m not contributing much. But, for whatever reason, simply by being there I’ve managed to raise her spirits considerably. Clearly she thinks that I am actually making a difference. Whatever floats your boat, AJ. 

Oh, and I’m also slowly dying of starvation. When’s that meal, again?

“YEEEHAW! Lookin’ good there, Twi! Keep it up an’ we’ll be done in no time!” she cheered enthusiastically.

“That’s…great…AJ…” I managed to pant out.

“Thank ya kindly once again fer helpin’ me out, Twi. Means a lot ta me.”

“It’s…no problem…at all…I’m just…glad the reward…is food…all this work…making me hungry…”

“I know, right?” Spike spoke up from my shoulders, managing to hit me in the back of the head with a stray apple. I turned around to glare at the little devil.

“Puh-LEASE, Spike! You’ve been lounging around on my back all afternoon while we worked!”

“Exactly! You two have taken SOOO long that I missed snacktime!” The NERVE of the little guy! Why I ought to just wring his little…actually, that sounds like something I would say. I take it back, I’m so proud of the little bugger. I’ve really rubbed off on him. Beside me, Applejack huffed in annoyance and shook her head good-naturedly. 

My stomach chose that exact moment to once again state its admittedly convincing case in no uncertain terms. I felt my face flush once again. “Uuuuggh,” I moaned. “So…hungry…”

Applejack looked behind her and squinted. “Don’t worry, Twi. We’re almost done, actually. We’ll be eatin’ like royalty before ya know it!” Spike, meanwhile, was back to sifting through his apples. A sudden joyous exclamation from behind me made me tilt my head. What I saw next was a sight I will never forget.

It was amazing. It was perfect. Never before and never again will I see an apple of such majesty. It was large. It was round. It was shiny. It seemed to radiate light in every direction, as if it KNEW that it was the king of all apples. I can only imagine what bounty lie beneath that perfectly flawless skin. The sweetness of the juice mixed with the softness of the flesh could only combine to make the most divine apple-consuming experience us mere mortals could ever possibly imagine. 

Time seemed to slow down. The little council of Twilights in my head began to debate the next course of action. Backed by the representatives of the stomach, who for some reason held the most seats at the moment, it was agreed upon to accept the wondrous gift and promptly devour it. The representative of the brain had an objection, however, wondering why in Equestria the apple was red when these were supposedly ‘golden delicious’ apples. The rest of the council succinctly opted for aggressive negotiations and beat the tar out of the neighsayer. 

Consensus reached, then. Time to eat. “Oh, Spike…” I muttered, drooling. “It looks…delicious…” 

Time slowed down again, but this time I looked on in dismay as the apple was whisked away from my face, steadily moving towards Spike’s open maw. If I could have, I would have screamed. Unfortunately, the representative of the larynx lost her seat in the election two seconds ago. In one horrifying moment, there was a loud crunch, juice sprayed everywhere, and I knew that the apple to top all apples was no more.

I reacted the only way I possibly could. “SPIIIIKE!” I shouted angrily as he made a huge show of chewing an apple that was almost as large as his dumb head before swallowing it all at once. Unfortunately, he didn’t choke. That would have been funny. And it would’ve made me feel a whole lot better. What? I would’ve saved him if he did. Probably.

The little monster was unrepentant. “What?” Suddenly, he gagged. I briefly wondered if he actually WAS choking and if I would need to perform the Hindleg on him. Without warning, he let loose a loud belch and a bout of green flame, and from the embers a scroll materialized and slowly floated down into his outstretched claw.

Oh boy. My excitement was palpable. “Oh, great. Just what I needed. What does she want now?” I grumbled at Spike as he opened the letter and began to examine it. Applejack, in her curiosity, trotted over to listen.

Spike cleared his throat and began to read. “Ahem. Hear ye, hear ye! Her Grand Royal Highness-” I rolled my eyes. That was definitely too many adjectives. “Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot on the twenty-first day of…blah blah blah, yadda yadda…” he trailed off, clearly skimming the details to get to the important stuff. Her letters could be awfully long-winded.

That’s my dragon.

“Ah! Here we are. Cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest!” Applejack and I reacted simultaneously. In fact, we both said the exact same thing.

“The Grand Galloping Gala!” 

However, the key difference was that while Applejack shouted excitedly, I practically spat in contempt. Spike was once again eyeing me with the look of pity I saw on his face only two days ago. “Oh, Twilight, I’m so sorry. That’ll be a real drag.”

I shrugged it off. “Whatever, I just won’t attend. Maybe I can sell my ticket.”

Spike eyed the letter as if it was going to bite him. “I’m…not so sure it will be that simple,” he replied ominously. 

I eyed him curiously. “And why ever not, Spike?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t skip the ‘blah blah blah’ part…”

I felt my chest tighten. “How bad is it?” I asked fearfully.

He cleared his throat in response. “In order to help you improve your relations with other ponies, your attendance is mandatory and will be strictly enforced. I HIGHLY recommend that you attend. That being said, this Royal Decree cordially extends a…and, well, you know the rest.”

I felt my eye twitch. Wow. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, just when I thought Princess Celestia couldn’t POSSIBLY screw me over any more, she does exactly that. She is certainly resourceful when it comes to making my life difficult, I’ll give her that. I swear, if I ever ascend to godhood or something like that I will eliminate her. Or at least make her suffer as I have. 

Suddenly, Spike convulsed and then belched once more. Floating down from the greenish smoke this time were two golden Gala tickets. It really is unavoidable, isn’t it? I released a long-suffering sigh and hung my head in defeat. “Spike, prepare my funeral arrangements. I’m not going to survive this.” Spike chuckled at that.

Applejack, on the other hand, looked bewildered. “Twilight! Don’t ya know what y’all are talkin’ ‘bout? It’s th’ Grand Galloping Gala fer pony’s sake! Only th’ biggest humdrum o’ th’ year by mah reckonin’! Why, Ah’d love ta go! Land’s sakes…if Ah had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chowin’ on our tasty vittles ‘til th’ cows came home! Do you have any idea how much business Ah could drum up fer Sweet Apple Acres? Why, with all that money, we could…”

Aaaand bored now. As tolerable as Applejack can be compared to the other disasters I call my ‘friends,’ she sure can run her mouth. Seriously, that mare needs to learn to shut up. I wonder if I could get away with stuffing an apple in her mouth? Hmmm…nah. Probably a bad idea considering that I’m still sporting a sizable bruise from a simple ‘accident’ this morning. Afternoon. Whatever. 

“Why, Ah’d give mah left hind leg ta go ta that Gala…” Applejack sighed dreamily. Clearly, whatever daydream she’d just lost herself in must’ve been pretty good. Which doesn’t make any sense, because it clearly involved the Gala. Whatever. Some ponies, right? A sudden idea popped into my head, though. Why not work on my friendship even more? AJ and I were already best friends, right? 

“Tell you what,” I spoke up, snatching the tickets from Spike’s claw and waving them in front of the farmer’s face. “I’ll give you the extra ticket right now if you can get me some food. I’m still starving.” My stomach growled again to emphasize the point. I blushed again. Applejack’s eyes grew wide as she regarded the golden ticket just inches from her grasp.

“Why…Twilight…ya mean it?”

“Of course I do! Ticket for a meal sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Now hurry up and take it, I’m famished.”

And then the unexpected happened. “INCOMING!!”

WHAM! 

Oh Luna why does everything hurt? Oh my goodness ow ow ow my legs, my face, my back…

And then, the most obnoxious voice in all of Equestria decided to grace my ears with its presence. And by grace, I of course mean ravage. “Are we talking about the Grand. Galloping. Gala?” the voice of Rainbow Dash spoke up excitedly, placing particular emphasis on her words.

Fortunately, however, I had my best friend around to remind me why, exactly, she is my best friend. “Rainbow Dash!” she yelled angrily while I was still struggling to get to my hooves. “You told me you were too busy to harvest apples! What were ya busy doing? Spying?”

“No,” the multicolored, totally-gay disaster-waiting-to-happen replied cheekily. “I was busy napping,” she continued obliviously, motioning to a pillow and blanket hanging from a branch of an apple tree above our heads. “And I just HAPPENED to hear that you have an extra ticket?” she finished with a smile that would’ve probably been rather charming if she wasn’t currently floating upside-down like the airhead that she is.

A smile that quickly turned into an expression of disbelief followed by a barely-suppressed snort of laughter. “Whoa there, Twilight. I…I think you’ve got something…on your face…” she managed, trying and failing pretty spectacularly to hold back her laughter.

I let out a long sigh, but figured I could spare a short explanation. “Applejack. Accident. Long story.” Like I said: short. 

Rainbow, however, decided that this was inordinately funny and burst into peals of laughter. “Hahaha!” she cried from her position on the ground. “N-nice going apples-for-brains! Way to stick it to the mare, eh? Hahaha!” Eventually she managed to calm herself down, thankfully. I was thinking I was going to have to smack a filly. “Some friend,” she remarked, wiping a tear from her eyes. “So, about that ticket?” she asked hopefully.

Applejack looked like she was about to explode. Spike was unimpressed. I, too, was very much less-than-thrilled with little miss daredevil. I was dragged out of my quaint little home to work my flank off because she was too busy NAPPING? Oh no. Oh hay naw. No way was she getting anything from me. “Well you see,” I replied in a dangerously low tone. “This extra ticket you see here…” I waved it in front of her face for emphasis, delighting in how her eyes lit up as they followed it, “belongs to my good friend Applejack.” Applejack swelled with happiness in the background. Rainbow visibly deflated.

“What? What did SHE do to deserve it? I’m totally waaaay awesomer than HER,” she whined, scowling at Applejack. Wow. She was cruisin’ for a bruisin’, that was for sure. Maybe if I held her, Applejack could…

No, that probably wouldn’t go well. Rainbow could kick my flank just as easily as Applejack could. I sighed exasperatedly. Might as well try to reason with my so-called ‘friend.’ “Well, she doesn’t trespass on other ponies’ property, lie to ponies’ faces, act like she’s the biggest thing since cider season, and refuse to help her ‘friends’ every now and again. If you’d been helping us with this, we would already have been done by now,” I vented angrily. I noticed amusedly that Applejack was significantly less angry now that I was quite effectively seconding her opinion.

Rainbow’s wings flared and her eyes hardened. Oh no, mommy, I made the funny-looking pony mad! Whatever will I do? “Hey! I don’t have any of those problems when I’m actually trying! I was just really tired!”

I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Sure you don’t.” Suddenly, I was rather curious. “Say, why do you even care, anyways? I didn’t think the Gala would be something a pony like you would be interested in.”

Her eyes lit up at that and she launched into her explanation with gusto. “The Wonderbolts perform at the Gala every! Year! I can see it now…” Yeah…maybe a bit too much gusto. As she excitedly began living her fantasy day dream that she obviously gets off to on a regular basis, complete with sound effects and a few idle movements in the air, my gaze met Applejack’s and I shook my head disdainfully. She rolled her eyes as she sidled over to Spike and I.

“Is she always like this?” I asked as Rainbow Dash continued to run her mouth. Seriously, I think all of my ‘friends’ have this problem. Except for Fluttershy. She has the opposite condition. Me, though? I’m just perfect, naturally.

“More than ya know,” she replied unamusedly. She glanced up at the blanket and pillow again and snorted. “Sleepin’ on mah property…Ah oughta tan her hide fer good.”

“No kidding,” I agreed. Suddenly, I got another wonderful, awful idea. “Say, Applejack…what if I made her work for the ticket?”

Applejack glanced sidelong at me and raised an eyebrow. “Whaddaya mean?”

I grinned evilly. “I mean that I’ll give you the first ticket, and she can have the second if she finishes putting away the apples for us! It’s perfect!” Applejack mulled the idea over for a moment or two, hoof placed thoughtfully on her chin. 

But then she grinned at me. “Sounds good ta me,” she replied happily. “Will teach her a thing or two ‘bout common decency. Sleepin’ on mah property…hmph. Th’ nerve!”

“Indeed,” I nodded in agreement before handing Applejack a golden ticket. “Well, here you go. Do me a favor and get rich, okay?”

Applejack grinned happily. “Ya can count on me, best friend,” she finished with a wink. Oh yeah. I can’t be beat at this whole ‘friendship’ thing.

“Better you than us,” Spike added. 

And then the moment was ruined by Rainbow Dash floating down to join us. “Don’t you see, Twilight?” No, I wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention. “This could be my one chance to show them my stuff! You gotta take me! WOAH!” she yelped as Applejack grabbed her by the tail, swung her around a couple of times, and then slammed her into the ground a bit harder than was probably necessary. Spike and I chuckled a bit at that. 

“Hold on just one pony-pickin’ minute here!” Applejack hollered a bit more loudly than necessary. 

“Hey! What the hay was that for?” Rainbow Dash inquired angrily as she slowly got to her hooves. 

Applejack smiled deviously. “We’ve agreed ta let ya have a ticket under one condition…”

Rainbow’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Yes? What is it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

Applejack and I grinned fiercely at each other. “Well…”

*****

Ahhh…now this was the good life. Applejack, Spike, and I all sighed contentedly as we relaxed beneath the branches of a large apple tree, which just so happened to be completely devoid of fruit. Another rainbow-colored blur shot past, gracing the three of us with another delightfully cool breeze as it went.

I was just about to drift off to sleep, so comfortable was I, when a sudden panting noise could be heard just in front of me. I lazily opened one eye to identify the source of the intrusive sound. I didn’t regret it. The sight of Rainbow Dash lying spread-eagle on the ground, her chest heaving, her face flushed red with exertion and beads of sweat collecting on her forehead was so amusing, I had to stifle a giggle.

I didn’t do a very good job.

She glared at me, but didn’t comment on it. “There…” she panted. “I put away…your stupid apples…can I…have the ticket…now?” Applejack caught my eye with a bemused expression. I shrugged nonchalantly and held out the ticket.

“Sure, I don’t care. Enjoy.” Rainbow’s eyes lit up as the golden ticket gleamed in the bright, torturous sunshine. 

“Aww yeah! Totally worth it! Thanks Twi, you’re the best friend a mare could ask for!” I rolled my eyes. Sure, whatever you say Rainbow Dash. What an airhead. She gently grasped the ticket, as if afraid to damage it, which was impossible by the way, they’re magically enchanted, and pulled on it. I happily let it go.

…Except the ticket wouldn’t budge. What.

“Uh…Twi,” Rainbow began, sounding a bit confused. “You can let go now.”

“I did!” I cried in rising trepidation. “Just take it already!”

Rainbow pulled harder. Still no dice. She raised her head to glare at me. “Twi, let it go already! Is this some kind of cruel joke?”

I was beginning to panic. “No! It isn’t! Something’s wrong!”

“Like what?” Applejack asked worriedly, getting to her hooves to inspect the situation for herself. Good old dependable AJ, always worried about my well-being. Such a good friend.

And then it hit me. The reason why the ticket was acting so strangely. I almost couldn’t believe it. I didn’t WANT to believe it. But…it was true. 

And I was doomed.

“Oh no…” I muttered. “Oh no, oh no, oh no! NO! This can’t be happening! She wouldn’t! She couldn’t!” Both my friends were eyeing me concernedly.

“What? What’s happenin’?” 

“It’s Celestia!” I moaned in despair. “She put an Adhesion Spell on the ticket! It won’t come off! I’m trapped! I have no choice now but to go to the Gala! No no no no this is the worst possible thing! Get it off GET IT OFF!!” I screamed in a panic. I was no longer capable of thinking rationally such was the depth of my despair. 

Seriously though, the Gala is a total drag. Sub-par food, crappy music, the most insufferable ponies in the whole kingdom, and not a drop of alcohol to be found. It’s the boringest ‘party’ since the history of parties and I have to attend instead of sleeping the night away like I always do. 

There was only one thing to do: run around in circles screaming like a maniac. And I did just that.

After Luna-knows-how-long, Applejack finally managed to get my attention. “Twilight!”

I turned my head to look at her. “What?!” I snapped. Somewhere, a foal fainted. Unfortunately, looking away from where one is going while they are running at full speed tends to be a bad decision. Naturally, I did not see that apple tree. At all.

WHAM!

“Oooooooh,” Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike all groaned at the same time. I was a bit occupied to care about what they were doing, though. In fact, it took all of about ten seconds for my brain to reboot. Then I peeled my face off of the tree bark and collapsed flat on my back, utterly spent. I really needed a nap. And some food.

I opened my eyes to see three concerned faces staring down at me. “Yo Twilight,” Spike said. “You alright?” 

“No…” I moaned pathetically. 

Applejack furrowed her brow in thought. “So how do we git that ticket offa ya?”

I racked my brain in desperation, feebly flicking through my recent readings and assignments and hoping I might find something of use. “There’s probably a counter-spell,” I muttered, “but I don’t know it. Even if I did, I’m not sure I could undo Celestia’s spell,” I whined pitifully. “Just do me a favor and dig my grave now, okay?”

Rainbow’s gaze hardened. “No way! We’re not giving up that easily! I bet we can totally get it off, we just gotta try harder!” I looked up at her thoughtfully. “Besides,” she added with a grin. “If I get it off, I bet you’ll TOTALLY be thankful, right?” She waggled her eyebrows ridiculously.

But…that wasn’t actually a bad idea. “Yes,” I said as I got to my hooves. “Whoever gets the ticket off can have it. Simple as that.”

“Yes!” Rainbow exclaimed excitedly, pumping her hoof in the air. 

Applejack rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Ah already got one, but Ah’ll help anyhow.” And with that, she grabbed the ticket in her mouth and began to pull. I pulled back, but not nearly hard enough. The stronger earth pony began to drag me through the dirt. “Rainbow!” she muttered around the ticket. “Grab her an’ pull!”

Rainbow saluted smartly before grabbing my tail in her mouth. My eyes widened as I realized what they were about to do. “Wait no no no, don’t do tha-AAAA! OW OW OW! STOP IT! OW!” 

SHE WAS PULLING ON MY TAIL!!

I kicked and screamed and hollered but the two stronger mares continued to play tug-of-war with me as the rope. “OW! Please, Applejack, stop! It hurts!” I cried as tears began to run down my face. Eventually, she relented and put me back down on the ground. 

“Sorry Twi,” she apologized. “But Ah had ta git a feel fer how stuck it is.”

I hastily got to my hooves and checked my tail for damage before glaring at the rainbow-colored disaster. She merely blushed and grinned ashamedly. “And?” I said shortly, turning back to the farmer.

“No can do,” she replied. “It’s stuck firmer than an overgrown hog inna freshly-built stockade.” 

“Er…okay then,” I answered, unsure of what exactly that meant. “Any other ideas?”

Just like that, Applejack was holding a rope in her mouth. Where did that come from? “Hold it up, partner,” she ordered as she began to spin the rope about. “Let th’ expert handle this one.”

I gulped in fear. This wasn’t exactly reassuring. But then again, I suppose I’d sacrifice just about anything to avoid going to the Gala. Besides, she was my friend, right? She wouldn’t actually put me in serious harm’s way…right?

Oh how wrong I was.

I held up my right forehoof, the ticket flapping lazily in the breeze. The fact that it hadn’t detached and floated off yet provided firm evidence of my predicament. Quick as a flash, Applejack jerked her head and ensnared the ticket with the rope. …What? How did she even do that? It didn’t seem physically possible!

Unfortunately, I was no longer able to ponder such mysteries of the universe as I was suddenly flung off my hooves and whirled about through the air. No, seriously, I was currently being whipped around in circles attached to that blasted ticket that was somehow caught in Applejack’s rope. Good thing I hadn’t had anything to eat recently, or else I totally would’ve hurled all over the place.

“AAAAAAJAAAAAAAY!!” I screamed in panic as I continued to spin right round. Suddenly, whatever force that was keeping me bound to a circular path relented. At last! Freedom!  …Unfortunately, that also meant that I was now sailing through the air. Next stop: pain.

WHAM!

*****

“Ah’m sorry Twi, Ah thought that would do it fer sure! Can ya please forgive me?” Applejack begged from behind her Stetson hat. She looked quite distressed. But she was my best friend. And she was only trying to help. I sighed loudly as I held another cold pack to my nose and reclined against another apple tree.

“It’s alright, AJ. You were just trying to help. I really wish that would’ve worked, though.” Applejack looked relieved. 

“So is it my turn, then?” Rainbow Dash spoke up, regarding me coolly. I glared at her past my cold pack, but then realized that my nose was no longer bleeding. With a groan, I staggered to my hooves and held out the ticket. 

“Sure, knock yourself out,” I muttered indifferently. I doubted she could do anything, really. Applejack, probably the strongest pony in town, was unable to get it off. What was lowly little Rainbow Dash going to do?

She grinned fiercely. “All right, hold on to your hooves!” Why would I do that? Wait…

Rainbow Dash grabbed the ticket, flared her wings, and tensed her legs. My eyes widened. Oh no. No no no no NO NO NO N- “Wait! Noooo-”

WHOOSH!

“-OOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!” I screamed in an absolute panic as the ground rapidly fell away from us. Why? Why must all these terrible things happen to poor little me? What did I ever do to deserve such cruel and unusual punishment? Clearly, the universe was out to get me. I cursed both it and Celestia with all of my will as I continued to scream for my life.

*****

I dry heaved for the fifth time. Once again, I was grateful I hadn’t eaten anything recently. Rainbow whooped and laughed as she corkscrewed into another wild, high-velocity stunt. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach.

And still terrified for my life.

But perhaps more than anything, I was furious at the blasted ticket that remained stubbornly attached to my hoof by a magical force. This was ridiculous! We were going so fast! My voice had long ago given out, and I’d lost track of how long this ride of terror had lasted. Suddenly, Rainbow’s voice could be heard over the howling wind. “Alright! Time for the grand finale!”

My eyes widened. Oh dear. And that was when I realized we were plummeting straight downwards. At an extremely unsafe velocity. My voice found its second wind as I screamed louder than I’ve ever screamed before. “AAAAAAAAAHH!!”

The ground seemed like it was racing up to greet us at an extremely uncomfortable pace. “I’m gonna die!” I shrieked in fear as I squeezed my eyes closed. Rainbow just whooped like a madmare, and I groaned in pain as my body suddenly experienced several intense forces as the crazy pegasus pulled up just in the nick of time.

However, said forces were rather considerable, and Rainbow Dash accidentally lost her grip on the ticket. I opened my eyes in fear at the sudden feeling of weightlessness, and grimaced in resignation as I saw the ground racing up to greet my beautiful face.

“Not again.”

WHAM!

*****

“Worst. Idea. Ever,” I groaned in agony as I lay on my back. Applejack was testing my limbs and chest to make sure nothing was broken. Spike was kind enough to wipe my face with a cool rag to clean off the dirt. Rainbow Dash anxiously hovered above me, deftly dodging the few feeble punches I threw her way.

“Hey, I said I was sorry! I’ll admit that last stunt was probably a bit much. But the rest was totally awesome, right? Wasn’t that fun?”

“Yeah,” I groused unconvincingly. “Fun.” 

“Party pooper,” she muttered, sticking her tongue out at me.

“Rainbow Dash, of all th’ headstrong buffoons in this here town, yer th’ darnedest of them all! Ya coulda killed her with those crazy stunts!”

“Oh, and you couldn’t have? What if you had flung her into a tree?”

Applejack flushed bright red and hung her head in shame. “Point taken.”

“Girls,” I interjected. “It’s fine. I’m still alive. Just both of you stop trying to kill me and we’ll call it square,” I moaned pathetically. No more, I just couldn’t take it! 

“So…” Rainbow began. “I guess you’re stuck with that ticket, huh?” I nodded glumly. “What about the other one?” she asked,

“Ah’ve got it,” Applejack replied casually. “Ah asked fer it first, an’ Ah got it.”

Uh oh. Here we go again. “So?” Rainbow shot back, shoving her face right into Applejack’s. “That doesn’t mean that you own it!”

“Oh yeah? Ah’m pretty sure that it does, actually.” 

“Nuh uh!”

“Yuh huh!”

“Nuh uh!”

“Yuh huh!”

“You don’t deserve it! You almost smashed her into a tree with your freakish strength!”

“An’ y’all don’t deserve it neither! Ya practically killed th’ poor mare with yer ridiculous flyin’!”

“I’ll show you!” And then the conversation devolved into the sweet, soothing sounds of blows, angry grunts, and staggered taunts. I sat up with a slight groan and turned to watch the show. Wow. They were REALLY going at it! I could hardly see what was going on because of all the dust they were kicking up!

Spike and I, naturally, did the only thing that two sensible onlookers could possibly do in such a situation.

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!...”

*****

Much, much later...

“Heh…hoo…Consarn it…git back here…ya stinkin’ varmint…so Ah can tar yer feathers fer good…” Applejack panted from where she lay on the ground. She was extremely dirty, covered in bruises and scratches, her mane and tail were in complete disarray, and she looked completely exhausted.

Rainbow Dash fared no better. “Yeah…right…get over here…so I can knock your block off…” she panted back. Both mares feebly tried to stand so they could get another hit in on the other, but neither were successful. The golden ticket lay, forgotten, a few yards from both of them. 

I strode over to it, picked it up, and walked over to the two exhausted mares, slowly clapping my forehooves as I did so. “Bravo, marvelous, most entertaining,” I said as both mares eyed me curiously. “I just wish there had been popcorn.”

“Not…now…Twi…” Applejack panted. “Gotta teach this one…a lesson…”

“No you don’t,” I stated flatly. “You’re both done. Admit it. And I happen to have the ticket right here.” I held it up to make my point and immediately captured both mares’ attention. 

“Twilight…ain’t that mah ticket?” Applejack asked. 

“WHAT?!” Rainbow shouted loudly. “Her ticket? But what about me? I tried to help you too! And I put away all those apples!” My face fell as I suddenly realized what a bad spot I was in. I had already promised the ticket to Applejack, but if I straight-up handed it to her in front of Rainbow’s face, she might not consider me her ‘friend’ anymore! And that would mean that I’d have to go and make new ones! 

And that was absolutely unacceptable.

“Uh…” I began nervously, unsure of how exactly to handle the situation. Thankfully, my stomach decided to speak for me.

GGRRROOOWWWLLL

And then my brilliant brain decided to function for a brief period of time. Ah, yes. Perfect timing. Both mares noticed my stomach’s loud protest and raised their eyebrows a bit. I blushed slightly. I made a show of clutching my belly in pain. “Oooohh,” I moaned. “I just realized how hungry I am… Sorry AJ, but I think we can both agree the situation has changed a bit. Look, I’m going to go get some food in town, and then I’ll head to the library and see if I can’t figure out how to get this blasted ticket off. If I can, then I’ll give you each one ticket. If I can’t…at least I’ll be able to decide on a full stomach. Okay?”

“Okay…” they both said dejectedly. 

“Alright then, it’s settled. Catch you girls later!” I called cheerfully over my shoulder as I made my great escape into town, Spike in tow. Finally! A chance to eat!

And maybe if I was really lucky, they’d beat each other into unconsciousness and forget about the whole ordeal. Twilight, you are truly a genius.

*****

“So…who are you going to give the ticket to, Twilight?” Spike asked worriedly from my back as we strolled through town, looking for a good place to eat at.

“I don’t know, Spike,” I replied honestly. “Whoever I don’t give the ticket to could potentially get really mad at me and no longer want to be my friend, and if that happens I’ll have to start over and make more friends! That would be simply awful! Also, they are both completely capable of kicking the crap out of my flank. I really hope I can find a way to get this ticket off, and soon.”

Spike nodded thoughtfully, tapping his chin with a single scaly finger. “I know what you mean,” he replied. “It was almost as though they walked up to us and asked to be friends. Doubt that happens every day.”

“Exactly,” I replied. “Now where should we eat?” 

Spike made a show of sniffing the air, but his eyes suddenly widened. “Whoa, Twilight, smell that?”

I took a deep whiff of the air. My efforts were rewarded with the most sensational sweet smell drifting lazily into my nostrils. Whatever that divine smell was, I wanted some of THAT. “Oh Luna…that smells REALLY good! Time to follow that smell!” I took off, eagerly following my nose. Our journey brought us to the front doors of Sugarcube Corner. 

Well that was predictable. Should’ve just come here in the first place. It’s almost as if the universe wants me to run into Pinkie Pie or somethi-

WHAM!

Oh, hello pain. I’ve missed you. Not really, it’s just that we’ve been seeing each other quite a bit recently. So I made a joke about it. Funny, right? Screw you pain, you have no sense of humor. Hurry up and leave already. “Ow…” I groaned pitifully from where I lay on the ground. My cry of pain was quickly rewarded with a loud shriek that nearly blew out my eardrums.

“AAAAAH! BATS! BATS ON MY FACE! HEEEELP!” the voice of Pinkie Pie very suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs. I winced in pain and groaned again. Why did it have to be Pinkie Pie? Why oh why? 

Wait…bats? What on Equestria was the crazy lunatic pink pony talking about? I sat up and saw the spare golden ticket gently floating to the ground. The other was still firmly attached to my forehoof. 

Uh oh.

Just as quickly as she started, Pinkie Pie screeched to a halt before me and bent down to examine the ticket more closely. “Wait…these aren’t…TICKETS TO THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA?!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Oh boy. Here we go again.

“It’s the most amazing, incredible, tremendous, super-fun…” Aaaand she’s off. In classic Pinkie Pie fashion, I’m sure she was very busy spouting off all the reasons why the Gala is totally awesome and why she totally wants to go. I, meanwhile, will reflect on how this development totally makes my life more difficult. 

Oh, and she also broke into song. Again in classic Pinkie Pie fashion. How in the wide world of Equestria I managed to become associated with this mare continues to escape me. Another one of my ‘friends.’ I met Spike’s gaze as Pinkie jumped around us continuing to be obnoxious. We simultaneously made a gagging motion.

Time to tune back in to channel Pinkie to see if she’s done yet. “…sugar cubes and sugar canes and sundaes and sunrays and sasparilla and…”

Nope, just advertisements.

“Oh thank you, Twilight!” she finally said in a somewhat normal tone of voice. “It’s the most wonderfullest gift ever!” And then she beamed a smile so wide I could practically see my reflection in those pearly whites. The smile seemed to widen as she suddenly started to giggle like crazy. “Heehee…wow, Twilight, did you have an accident this morning? That’s quite the shiner you’ve got there…”

I let out a short huff of annoyance. Guess I’ve learned my lesson: don’t open your door without any warning. Or rather, don’t open your door at all. Sounds good to me. “Applejack. Accident. Long story.”

“Ohhhh,” Pinkie nodded in understanding. “That would do it! I remember this one time, in band camp-”

“Pinkie,” I interrupted. Not putting up with nonsense tangents right now. Back to the problem at hoof. Okay, how to explain this nicely so as to not set the crazy one off… “I’m sorry to say this, but I’ve already promised this ticket to either Applejack or Rainbow Dash.”

Pinkie cocked her head in confusion. “Oh? Which one of them?” 

“Er…I’m not sure yet. I’m still deciding.”

She wasn’t quite getting the picture. “Sooo it doesn’t quite belong to anypony yet. Which means you could give it to me,” she finished with that same radiant smile.

I sighed in defeat and hung my head. Truly, I was just destined to suffer. Hopefully it would one day make me great. One day, but not this day. I did have the other ticket, though. Dare I tempt the powers of the crazy one?

Yes. I am willing to do anything for the satisfaction of sticking it to Celestia. Even things that are probably, under any other circumstances, really, really stupid. “But you know, Pinkie…” I said in a slow, deliberate undertone. “I just so happen to have this other ticket here…”

Pinkie’s face lit up even more. “You do?” she squealed excitedly.

“Yeah…but there’s just one teensy little problem.”

“And that is?” she inquired in confusion, cocking her head once again. 

“I can’t get it off of me,” I said simply. Pinkie frowned briefly as she processed my words before breaking out into a grin once again.

“Silly Twilight, I can handle that for you! It’s just as easy as this!” she announced confidently as she grabbed the ticket and yanked. It didn’t budge. At all. Pinkie’s expression quickly turned to one of bewilderment as she tugged harder and harder, but with all of her efforts leading to naught.

“Um, Twilight, I think you have to let go,” she said flatly. 

I smiled disarmingly. “That’s just the thing, Pinkie. I’m not holding onto it.” I slid the ticket up to rest on my foreleg. “Now try.”

Once again, the pink one was defeated by the power of Celestia’s magic. But instead of acting defeated, she decided instead to grin happily. “Wow, Twilight! That’s a REALLY good magic trick! What’s the secret? Can you tell me? Huh? Pleaaase?”

It took all of my considerable willpower to not facehoof right there. “Pinkie,” I said simply. “It’s not me that’s doing this. It’s Celestia’s Adhesion Spell she cast on the ticket.”

“Ohhhhhhh,” she cooed in understanding.

“And if you can get it off, the ticket’s all yours,” I finished, bracing myself for the worst. 

Pinkie smartly saluted. “I’m on it, skipper! Time for the cupcake solution!”

I was about to open my mouth to ask what exactly that was, but I’m afraid my brain temporarily shut down just at that moment. It was probably just shocked into inactivity at what it saw next. Pinkie Pie whipped a cupcake out of nowhere, smashed it into my foreleg, smeared it around, and attempted to use the icing/chocolate mix as a lubricant to get the ticket off. Suffice to say, it didn’t work.

But that wasn’t the strangest part. Oh no, not by a longshot. Once she determined her method was not producing the desired result, she extended her tongue by WAY more than she should have been able to do, wrapped it several times around my leg, and then slurped up all the cupcake residue, leaving my foreleg squeaky clean and just slightly damp. She then gulped it all down, smacked her lips, and sighed contentedly. “Teehee! Rainbow flavored!”

…What. “I’m…going to pretend that never happened…” I said slowly, still unable to grasp Pinkie’s ability to defy the laws of nature and common sense. Spike looked just as bewildered and disgusted as I felt. I also noticed that he held the other ticket in his claw.

“Huh,” Pinkie said thoughtfully, either due to her lack of attentiveness or by choice not responding to my comment. “Throwing cupcakes at the problem has always worked before! I wonder why it didn’t work this time?”

“I haven’t the foggiest,” I deadpanned. “Now do you have any other brilliant ideas, or should I just be on my way?”

Pinkie grinned fiercely at me. “Weeeell…I do have just ONE more idea.” And with that, she reached behind herself and whipped out a gigantic blue cannon. I balked at the sight. Oh, that CAN’T be good…

Where did she even get that? It doesn’t seem physically…

Ugh. Never mind. “So…” I began cautiously. “You were saying?”

*****

I can’t believe I’m actually agreeing to do this. This is madness at its finest. Here I am, stuffed into the bottom of a giant blue cannon, the ticket attached to my hind leg and also tied to the back of the barrel. The idea was that the blast would separate my body from the ticket. In theory. A completely baseless theory purported by a particularly psychotic pink pony.

And just to make matters worse, the whole process of actually getting me IN to the cannon was rather long, awkward, and painful. We got a lot of funky stares, too. Fortunately, it seemed as though the pink party pony’s prolific reputation preceded her, as none of the pony passerby of Ponyville paused to peruse the purpose of our potentially perplexing plan. I also got several rather unappreciated comments from Pinkie along the lines of “jeez, Twilight, why are you so big?”

Hmph. As if she is one to talk. Spike was no help either.

I took a brief moment to reflect on how exactly I managed to end up in this situation. I guess I’m so desperate to wipe that smug expression off of Celestia’s face I’m willing to do almost anything. Yeah, I’m probably really stupid like that. The suddenness of Pinkie’s voice breaks me out of my reverie. “Ready, Twilight?”

Oh boy. Here we go. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“Okie-dokie-lokie! Earning Pinkie Pie a super-duper fantastic ticket to the Gala in THREE! TWO! ONE!”

FWOOMPH!

“Yow!” I helped in surprise and a slight bit of pain. And then everything went black. This time, however, I was still conscious. But I couldn’t see anything regardless. I suppose it wasn’t a big surprise that it didn’t work. And that I was still stuck inside of a cannon. A suddenly extremely dusty cannon. I coughed a couple times to clear my throat.

“Uhh, Twilight? You okay?” I heard the voice of Spike ask. 

“Yeah,” I coughed back. “I’m alright. But I don’t think it worked.”

“I don’t think so either,” Pinkie replied glumly. “Well that settles it then, I’m all out of ideas.”

“That’s…unfortunate,” I slowly reply. “Can you get me out of here now?”

“Oh sure!” Quick as a flash, I felt the force on my hind leg loosen, and then the cannon tilted and I tumbled out onto the street and into the bright sunshine. I would’ve taken a moment to reflect on how exactly Pinkie managed to do all of that so quickly if my concentration hadn’t been completely shattered by yet another ear-piercing shriek. It wasn’t Pinkie Pie this time, though…

“PINKIE PIE!” a voice angrily exclaimed. “What on Equestria are you doing? It’s hard enough keeping everything in tip-top shape with that disaster Rainbow Dash around town! I don’t need you making my job even more difficult than it already is!” Wait, what was that smell?

“Rarity, I don’t know what you mean,” Pinkie replied nonchalantly.

I turned to face Rarity just in time to see her scoff and point at me. Behind her, Spike was practically suffocating in his attempts to restrain his laughter. “I’m talking about this! Look at what you have done to poor Twilight! That is Twilight, right? Yes, and you have completely RUINED her! This is an absolute crime against fabulousity! Why, only a few days ago I had to fix Twilight up after a run-in with Rainbow Dash…” Oh, yes. ‘Fix up.’ That’s a bit of an understatement.

Wait, what was she talking about? I looked down at myself and balked yet again. I was covered head to hoof in soot! I looked like my own shadow. Oh, was Rarity talking? “…And I don’t need you exasperating my problems! Understand?” She glared at Pinkie with the ferocity of a manticore. Pinkie meekly nodded. “Good,” Rarity said, all traces of anger melting away from her face in a heartbeat. “Now, if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly were you attempting to accomplish?”

Pinkie held up my hind leg, ticket still attached. “I was trying to get this ticket off of Twilight so I could go with her to the Gala!”

Rarity gasped as she beheld the ticket, which of course was still just as shiny and gold as ever. Hmph. How unfair. “The Gala?! I design ensembles for the Gala every year! But I’ve never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamor! It’s where I truly belong. And where I’m destined to meet…HIM!”

Who? “Him!” Pinkie Pie cheered. Wait, what? How did she know? Why am I always left out of the loop? “Who?” Pinkie suddenly asked, an expression of confusion on her face.


…Confound you, Pinkie Pie.

“Him,” Rarity repeated. I rolled my eyes. What a ridiculous name. “I would stroll through the Gala…” Rarity began extravagantly. However, by this time I was now an expert on detecting long monologues detailing why the pony in question wanted to attend the Gala, so I promptly tuned out with a sigh. Darn it Rarity, I was hoping you were the one friend I could count on to maintain a normal level of speech. Guess I was asking for too much with that one. 

And that unidentified smell was still hanging in the air. I could almost put my hoof on it, but still it eluded me.

“Twilight!” It’s a good thing I respond so well to my name, it does wonders to snap me out of my ignorant stupors. “I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie Pie so she can…‘party,’ and prevent me from meeting my true love! How could you?” Rarity whined. And then, with a ‘hmph,’ she turned away from me and stuck her nose in the air. I briefly wondered how she couldn’t smell the smelly smell that smelly smelled.

There was still one question though. “Wait, who are you talking about again?”

Rarity looked miffed. “Weren’t you even paying attention? Prince Blueblood of course!” …What. My gaze met Spike’s, who miraculously managed to tear his away from Rarity for a change, and we stared at each other for a couple of seconds in disbelief.

And then we both cracked up. 

“WHAT??” I managed to ask through my uproarious laughter. “Y-you can’t be serious!”

“Wanting to court Blueblood!” Spike snorted alongside me. “That’s just…p-priceless!” Neither of us could maintain a standing position any longer. We both flopped onto the ground to continue laughing our flanks off.

Rarity was glaring at us most intensely. “How dare you make fun of my dreams! Stop that this instant you ruffians!”

After a few more moments we finally started to calm down. “No but seriously, Rarity,” I continued, wiping away a tear. “Do you have any idea what he’s like?”

“You’ve met him?” she asked excitedly.

“In a manner of speaking…”

“What’s he like?” she begged, practically touching my nose with hers her face was so close to mine. But never touching, of course, lest she get herself dirty.

“Well…” I said slowly, trying to decide the nicest way to describe him. “He’s…well, he’s…”

“A total dick,” Spike interjected. I stared at him for a moment before simply shrugging it off. Tell it like it is, right?

“Yeah. He’s like that.”

Rarity looked quite offended. “Hmph! I’m sure you two are the perfect judges of character.”

“Finally somepony agrees with me!” I agreed enthusiastically. 

“I was being sarcastic darling,” Rarity deadpanned. …Oh. Drat. I thought I’d finally won somepony over. Maybe someday…

I let loose a long sigh. For like the thousandth time today. And that blasted smell was still there. “Alright Rarity,” I explained. “Your wildly misled love interests aside, I only have two tickets and one of them is stuck to me. As I’m sure you can imagine, everypony wants one. I haven’t decided who to give them to yet. However, if you can get this blasted ticket off of me, it’s all yours.”

Rarity’s face did two things at once. Light up in excitement, and furrow in confusion. It was…rather impressive, actually. “Stuck? Whatever do you mean, darling?” I held the ticket out by means of explanation. She tentatively grabbed it and pulled. No luck.

She chuckled lightly at that. “Twilight, darling, you actually have to let go of the ticket you know.” I shifted the ticket farther up my foreleg. She tried again. “I say, what sort of trickery is this?” she questioned in bewilderment.

“Celestia’s Adhesion Spell,” I explained shortly. “I have no idea how to undo it. You have any?”

Rarity’s eyes sparkled. “You better believe that I do.”

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie spoke up. “Um, Twilight? Just thought I should let you know…your butt is on fire.” My eyes went wide. I whirled around to look at my rump. Sure enough, the fur was blackened and sizzling.

Oh. Well that certainly explains the smell. Another mystery solved.

“YYYOOOOOWWWW!!”

*****

Problem? What problem? I don’t see any problem here. There never was one, and there never was going to be. This is amazing. Rarity is now my new best friend. Who else would be kind enough to drag their soot-covered friend home and then throw them into a hot bubble bath to relax for a little while? Especially after said friend jumped into the fountain in order to extinguish their butt. Which still stung a bit.

I mean, sure my hoof hurt from where she’d been frantically trying to scrub the ticket off with all sorts of enchanted shampoos and whatnot, but that’s only a minor inconvenience. I let out another sigh of contentment as I leaned back in the hot soapy water, pressing yet another cold pack to my black eye. Rarity was kind enough to provide one after shrieking in horror at yet another crime against fabulousity directed at me, as well as a rather amusing rant about the dangers of Applejack which I actually listened to. It was quite entertaining. Apparently all of my ‘friends’ were walking disasters in her eyes. Except for maybe Fluttershy and my own elegant self. “Any luck?” I asked sleepily.

“I’m afraid not,” Rarity answered with a slight hint of desperation in her voice. She let out a heavy sigh and let my hoof drop back into the water. Lifting it up, I could see the ticket was still attached. And in perfect condition. But as if that wasn’t enough, I could see the beginnings of a rash where Rarity had scrubbed so hard.

Great. Just great.

“I suppose it was folly to try and undo one of Celestia’s spells,” Rarity began sadly. “I guess meeting the stallion of my dreams is too much to ask for,” she continued with a sigh. “It was never meant to be…”

Okay, I’ll admit it. I felt bad for her, even if she had no idea what she was signing up for with Blueblood. Maybe he had changed? It was a remote possibility I supposed. I hadn’t seen him in forever. So as much as I REALLY didn’t want to do this, I felt I owed Rarity something for all she’d done for me. “Well…” I began. “I haven’t yet decided who to give the other ticket to…”

Her eyes immediately lit up. “Really?” 

“Yes, but…” I began, only to be interrupted by my stomach loudly growling. Rarity’s eyes widened. It was…pretty loud. I blushed once again. “Well…that. I can’t make big decisions on an empty stomach. I’ve been trying to get something to eat all day but it hasn’t really worked out yet.”

Rarity’s face took on a determined expression. “Say no more, say no more!” she cried. “I shall take care of this problem once and for all! Why don’t you climb out of that bath and join me downstairs for an early supper, hm?”

Bath AND food? Well that settles it. Definitely new best friend.

“That sounds fantastic,” I said enthusiastically as I climbed out of the water. I was delighted to see that my coat, mane, and tail were back to their respective purple colors. After I stepped out, I was greeted by a warm fluffy towel that dried me off. Soon I felt good as new. Although still dreadfully hungry. 

“Come along, Twilight!” Rarity practically sang as she trotted out of the room. “We musn’t dawdle!” I happily followed her downstairs and into the kitchen, marveling once again at how surprisingly cozy her home was. However, something felt…off. Like I was forgetting something. It took a few moments of mulling over a cup of tea before it hit me.

“Rarity? Where’s Spike?”

“Hm?” she asked as she started pulling out pots and pans. She turned to regard me with a confused expression. “I thought he headed back to the library.”

I frowned. “That doesn’t sound right, he still had the other ticket.” Rarity’s eyes widened in fear. “Sorry Rarity, but we’ll have to do this another time. Right now I need to go find Spike.”

“But of course!” she agreed. “Who knows where the ticket-er, I mean, the poor dear could be?” I pretended to ignore her little slip-up. She certainly had her priorities straight. Spike was practically my brother, and he was missing! Hmph. Some friend.

I opened the door but paused to stare, aghast, at the most unexpected thing imaginable. A little white rabbit barreled past with the golden ticket in its mouth. A RABBIT of all things! And then, not even a few seconds later, Spike went running by shouting, “get back here you little thief!”

Well. One problem solved. I turned to Rarity and smiled apologetically. “Sorry Rarity, but I’m afraid there’s a rather unexpected development I must attend to.” 

She frowned in confusion. I’m not sure she saw what just raced past her front door. “Whatever do you mean Twilight? Do you know where Spike is?”

“Yep!” I called as I headed out the door. “Don’t you worry, I’ll be back once I decide!”

And with that, I turned to sprint after Spike and that dumb rabbit.

*****

“Angel, as much as I appreciate your gift, you can’t just take things from other ponies that aren’t yours. Understand?” A rather chagrined-looking rabbit nodded sadly at the butter-yellow pegasus standing before it. Spike stood off to one side, ticket in claw, panting rather heavily and looking quite irritated. 

“Spike!” I called as I approached the group. “What happened?”

The little dragon turned to face me, his expression still clearly displaying his displeasure. “I was following you and Rarity when the ticket got swiped. I yelled at you and then chased that dumb rabbit around for half an hour. What tipped you off that I was missing?” he added sarcastically.

I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Spike. Rarity was talking a mile a minute about Luna-knows-what and it was kinda hard to see through all that soot. She was kind enough to get me a bath, though, so that was nice.” I draped a foreleg over his shoulders to give him a quick hug. “Thanks for your effort. I appreciate it.”

Spike’s derisive frown melted into an appreciative smile. “Yeah, well, at least you know how lucky you are to have me around,” he boasted jokingly, puffing out his chest. “I gave up the chance to spend time with Rarity for you.” Oh, brother.

“Um, excuse me, Twilight…” I turned to face Fluttershy with a look of bewilderment. First of all, oh wow she actually knew my name and was actually talking to ME. Second of all, oh wow she was actually talking in the first place! “Um…what happened to your face? Are you okay?”

I sighed. Of course. “Applejack. Accident. Long story. I’m fine, thank you. Now what is it that you wanted?”

Fluttershy looked put-off, but somehow managed to work up the courage to continue. “I would just like to ask, I mean, if it would be alright…if you haven’t given it to somepony else…”

“You?” I asked in surprise. “You want to go to the Gala? With its crowds, and loud noises, and…” Okay, maybe that was a bit much. She distinctly cringed at my words and was now looking decidedly uncomfortable. But she still managed to respond to my question.

“No.” See, that’s what I thought. Suddenly, the little rabbit started thumping on her with one of its hind legs. Was it…trying to tell her something? “I mean…yes,” Fluttershy corrected herself, smiling happily at the now pleased-looking rabbit.

Now I’d seen everything. A pony that can talk to a rabbit. Awesome. 

“Or, actually, kind of. You see…” Aaaaand there goes my cognitive functions. Wow. Here I am, talking to the shyest pony I think I’ve ever met, and my brain has currently shut down due to being barraged by an incessantly long monologue. AGAIN. I can’t believe that all of my friends have the exact same problem. Especially Fluttershy of all ponies.

Actually, maybe this is all part of Celestia’s nefarious plan. She knows how much I hate ponies who don’t know when to shut up! I bet she planned all along for these five to be my friends so that they could all drive me CRAZY! Wow. She’s good. I really need to step up my game. I’m tired of being subjected to these sorts of cruel jokes.

I took a break from wallowing in self-pity to turn back to Fluttershy. She had finished talking some time ago and was now regarding me expectantly, waiting for a response. Uh oh. Think fast, Twilight. “Um…gee Fluttershy, it sounds…beautiful?”

“Doesn’t it just?” she sighed dreamily. I wouldn’t actually know, I have no idea what she was talking about. 

“Listen Fluttershy,” I began to explain for the umpteenth time that day. “I only have one extra ticket, and as you can imagine everypony wants it. THIS one, however,” I said, holding up my forehoof. “Is all yours if you can figure out how to get it off.”

Fluttershy blinked. “Well?”

“Get it…off?” she asked in confusion. 

I groaned in frustration. “Yes. Celestia put an Adhesion Spell on it and now I can’t get it off but I really don’t want to go to the stinking Gala!” I vented, perhaps a bit more loudly than was entirely necessary. This was evidenced by how Fluttershy was currently hiding behind a part of her long, pink mane. I finally gave in to my long-standing urge and facehoofed. “Ugh. Sorry. It’s been a stressful day.”

“Oh, um…that’s okay. What do you think, Angel? Any ideas?” Fluttershy asked the rabbit. I shrugged it off. Not the strangest thing I’d seen today. Not by a longshot. The rabbit waved his stubby little arms and chattered incessantly. Fluttershy nodded her head as if she actually understood what it was saying. I briefly questioned whether she could actually communicate with it or if it was a specially trained rabbit that would pretend to speak for her whenever she was uncertain in order to hide her social insecurities. 

I’ll ask later.

“Okay, that sounds like a good plan,” Fluttershy responded once the rabbit was finished spazzing out. She turned to us. “Why don’t you come back to my place? I’ll see if I can’t find anything to help you. Also, Angel makes a very good wild greens salad.”

My stomach loudly announced its agreement. I blushed. “That sounds good. Lead the way.” Spike caught my gaze with one eyebrow raised, as if questioning my decision. I simply shrugged him off. I didn’t really care what he thought.

I was a hungry and desperate mare.

*****

“Well I’ll be, this actually looks edible,” I commented as Angel the rabbit placed a salad before me. The fluffy little thing saluted and grinned in response. Although I’m not yet certain, I’m definitely leaning toward the ‘trained rabbit’ side of my previous debate.

Spike and I were currently seated in Fluttershy’s living room, which was surprisingly cozy. Rather unsurprisingly, though, her cottage was quite separated from the main part of Ponyville. What was up with this pony? Why the quest for such privacy? Was she doing secret experiments in her shed or something? 

Whatever. Questions can wait. Food now. And then Fluttershy would show up with whatever brilliant plan her ‘animal friends’ helped her whip up and hopefully I’d be off scot-free. I really doubted that, though. I would probably end up questioning her mental stability instead.

I speared some of the salad on the fork that was provided and lifted it to my mouth when yet another unexpected event occurred. Seriously, it was like the universe was out to get me or something.

A bird landed on my head. 

I paused mid-bite to look up at it. It was nothing special, just a seemingly ordinary sparrow. It just sat there, regarding me with a rather bird-like expression. I glanced at Spike but he just shrugged. “Um…hi,” I said, entirely unsure of what kind of reaction this would provoke. 

Much to my surprise, however, the bird responded by jumping off my head and fluttering down to my left shoulder. It then began to steadily hop down my leg towards the hoof where…the golden ticket just happened to rest. 

Oh dear. 

Time to try to head this off before anything regrettable happened. “Um…listen, I appreciate your offer to help but I’m not sure that-” The bird completely ignored me and, upon reaching the golden ticket, decided it was a good idea to peck my hoof.

“YOW!” I screeched in pain, jerking my left forehoof upwards and, regrettably, dropping my food-laden fork. “The hay was that for?” I yelled as the bird started to circle overhead. Suddenly, Fluttershy appeared around the corner.

“Okay, Twilight. I’ve talked things over with all my animal friends and they have decided to help. Isn’t it wonderful?”

No. No it was not wonderful. Not in the slightest. “Fluttershy, listen. I don’t think-”

She wasn’t paying the slightest attention to me, though. “Okay, friends! Make momma proud!” And then a veritable HORDE of birds, insects, small rodents, and other cute woodland creatures poured around the corner and began to advance on us. 

“Fluttershy!” I called in fear. “I really don’t think this is a good-”

And then the bear stepped around the corner.

…NOPE.

*****

“AAAAAAAAAAHH!!” Spike and I screamed in terror as we BOOKED IT back into town, a steady trail of various animals chasing us. I have no idea what Fluttershy was thinking, but there is no way in Tartarus I’m going back to that blasted cottage any time soon. 

Still screaming, and completely uncaring of whether or not the animals were still following us, we tore through town square, raced down the streets, careened through alleyways, and zoomed through intersections until we finally, at last, reached the safety of the library. And then we promptly shut and locked the doors and every window, barricaded any other possible entrances, and turned out all the lights.

Finally safe, we collapsed, panting, on the living room floor. “Well…” Spike began. “I’m not…gonna say…‘told ya so’…cuz I can’t breathe…”

“Alright…alright…you were right. Sorry…” I responded, still heaving for air.

“’Salright…glad we…made it out…one piece…”

“Yeah…” I agreed. 

But the unexpected train was not parked in the station yet.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! 

We both groaned in disappointment. “Should we answer?” I asked. 

“Probably,” Spike replied. “This IS a library after all…maybe they just want a book?”

I frowned. He had a good point. But I had a better one. “What if it’s the animals?” 

“Hah!” Spike laughed. “Twilight, please. The only animal capable of knocking like that would be that bear. And I think we would’ve heard screaming if there was a bear walking through Ponyville.”

“We were screaming too,” I pointed out.

“Well…if it was a bear, it would’ve already busted down the door. Therefore not a bear.”

I sighed in defeat. I’ve taught him how to reason things out a bit too well. “Alright, fine, I’m going.” Time to put my most recent lesson learned to work. “Coming!” I called. Hesitantly, I unlocked the door and slowly creaked it open. I was quite surprised to see a large crowd of ponies standing just outside. “Um…can I help you?” I asked uncertainly.

“BOO!”

“YAAAAAGGH!!” I shrieked in fear as I jumped several feet into the air. The source of my fright soon revealed itself to be Pinkie Pie, who had been cleverly concealed behind the open door. I was dimly aware of the crowd and Spike laughing. As soon as I was sure I wasn’t dying of a heart attack I turned to glare at her. “Pinkie!”

Pinkie ignored me and bent down to examine my hoof. Seeing that the ticket was still there, she snapped her hoof in dismay. Which I have no idea how she did. “Darn! I was hoping I could scare the ticket off of you,” she explained. That, surprisingly, was actually a decent idea in retrospect. 

“Good effort,” I responded. “But not good enough.”

Pinkie just smiled. “That’s okay, because I brought half the town along! Aren’t I helpful?”

“You did?” I asked, turning to examine the crowd of ponies. They, in turn, were all examining me curiously. And snickering at my black eye.

“Nice bruise!” one of the crowd called, causing the rest to laugh. I just huffed and rolled my eyes.

I turned back to Pinkie. “I can see that you did. And yes, that is rather helpful,” I replied with a surprising amount of honesty. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all… 

Pinkie beamed. I turned back to the crowd and cleared my throat. “Ahem. Attention everypony! Your attention please!” The crowd grew silent. I held up my forehoof with the ticket attached. It fluttered lazily in the breeze.

“As you can see, I currently possess one ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala.” I paused as that stirred up an understandable amount of commotion. “However, it’s had an Adhesion Spell placed on it and I can’t get it off. If any of you can successfully separate it, the ticket is yours. Any takers?” The crowd murmured to itself in thought. I was a bit disappointed. I was hoping for an instantaneous solution with this many ponies present.

Curse you, Celestia.

“I bet this would do the trick!” a pony in the crowd shouted. I turned towards the source of the voice, delighted.

I immediately wished that I hadn’t said anything.

The pony in question was holding up a rusty sword. I blanched visibly. “Um…that’s not exactly what I mea-”

“Or this!” another pony called, holding up a large, spiky mace. Soon other ponies began to chorus their agreement and hold up various sharp, dangerous objects.

“My grandfather still has his old spear!”

“We just got a new shipment of acid!”

“I know a maiming spell! Think that would work?”

“Step aside! Step aside! Coming through!” I heard the first voice call. I finally got a good glimpse of the purple pony holding the sword. She was staggering slightly and had a definite slur to her words.

Oh bad. Oh bad. Oh bad bad bad.

“Twilight…what are we gonna do?” Spike asked with worry in his voice as he stepped protectively in front of me. I turned to Pinkie, intent on asking her what in the blazes was the meaning of all this. To my everlasting surprise, she was wearing a bandanna and eye patch and casually sharpening a sabre on a hoofheld whetstone, not paying even the slightest bit of attention to me.

On the other hoof, maybe Pinkie Pie was a crazy, murderous psychopath.

There was only one thing to do. “We’re…gonna…RUUUUN!!” I screamed in terror as I took off as fast as I could. Spike could only hold on for dear life as I tore around my house to the back. The crowd was right on my heels.

The next half-hour was the most terrifying one of my life. Running from a rampaging town riot, even if they didn’t really realize what they were themselves, is not exactly a happy experience. Somehow, despite my complete lack of athletic ability, using a combination of conveniently located costumes, sneaky hiding places, and pure, dumb luck, Spike and I managed to avoid the crowd for the entire duration.

As often as we tried to hide, though, the crowd always managed to find us within five minutes and resume the bloodthirsty chase. Well, it seemed bloodthirsty to me. At some point during the chase I became aware of the most obnoxious music I’ve ever heard. It almost seemed to be making fun of my dire predicament! Eventually, I established that the source was a blonde-maned gray pegasus in the crowd who was running around holding a gramophone. I made a mental note to exact my revenge at a later date should I survive.

But now, it was the end. We were trapped in a dead-end alley. This was bound to happen eventually, I had only been in Ponyville for a few days! I took a moment to reflect on that. Wow. Only a few days in town and already I’m being corralled by half the town like some dumb animal. 

Stupid Ponyville.

As we were backed up against a wall by the menacing, slowly-approaching crowd, Spike bravely stood his ground in front of me and closed his eyes, waiting for the end. I looked about frantically for a potential escape, for some sort of saving grace.

There was none. Truly, this was the end. I closed my eyes and waited.

There was a purple flash of light.

*****

Everything was quiet. No voices. No accursed music. No thundering hooves. Just the smell of mold, dust, and paper. I meekly poked my good eye open and looked about. We were in the library.

We made it! We’re gonna live!

“Ugh…warn me next time you’re gonna do that…” Spike groaned from beside me. 

I ignored him. “WOOHOO!! Yes! Spike we’re okay! We’re okay! WE’RE GONNA BE OKAY!!” I screamed in ecstasy as I cavorted about the library, relishing the feeling of just being alive.

Spike was less enthused. I noticed with some apathy that he appeared to be a bit singed. “Spike? You alright?” I asked as I hurriedly shut and locked the door. At least the rest of the house was already sealed up.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he muttered, brushing himself off a bit. “Geez, I’m a mess. I had no idea you could teleport so far, Twilight.”

I paused at that. I guess I did, huh? It was the only logical explanation. “Huh. I didn’t know either. I didn’t really try, to be honest.”

“Really?” Spike asked incredulously. “Wow, that’s impressive! You’re, like, a total natural!”

“Hey, you’re right!” I concurred enthusiastically. “Guess this means that I’m ready for that upcoming test!”

“Totally,” Spike replied, trying unsuccessfully to clean himself off. “Think I’m going to go take a bath. Today has been ridiculous.”

“Tell me about it,” I agreed. It was then that I noticed it was dark out. Was that the time already? My oh my how the time flies when your life is continually on the line. “Spike, get the lights on your way up!” I called after him as I slumped dejectedly into a chair. I was still starving, and there was still no food in the house, but unfortunately there was no longer anything I could do about it seeing as half the town wished me bodily harm at this point.

Stupid, cruel universe.

It was then that the lights flicked on. Imagine my surprise when I see Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all seated in my living room, smiling expectantly at me. Totally not creepy at all. Nope.

I reacted appropriately. “AAAAAAAHHH!!”

There was a soft thump as I fell over backwards in my chair. But at this point, I no longer really cared. I let out a long, dejected sigh. “What do you want?”

“Well, howdy ta you too, Twilight,” Applejack replied. “We jest stopped by ta see if ya had any success gittin’ th’ ticket off. Ya weren’t in, so we decided ta wait fer ya.”

I facehoofed. Fortunately, they didn’t see. “So you decided to hide in my house and lie in wait?”

“Um…no,” Fluttershy answered. “Sorry if we scared you, Twi, it’s just that you appeared so suddenly, and-”

“It’s fine,” I deadpanned, waving her off. “You’re my friends, so my home is your home I suppose.”

“That’s cool,” Rainbow Dash spoke up. “So how’s about it? Any luck?”

“NO!” I screamed at them as I got to my hooves. “And I’ve tried just about everything! This day has been simply horrid! I’ve been slammed into the ground three times, swung around like a puppet, flown about like a ragdoll, suffered one heck of a black eye, nearly got my tail pulled off, got covered in soot, had my rump set on fire, suffered a horrible rash, got attacked by a horde of animals, nearly suffered a heart attack, and was almost brutalized by half of this COMPLETELY BONKERS town!” All of my friends winced as I described everything that had happened to me over the course of the day.

“There is absolutely NO WAY to get this stinking ticket off!” I continued loudly. “And I know that you all want to go and all have your reasons but I can’t just give the ticket to one of you because then the rest of you will be mad and no longer want to be my friends and then I’ll have to make more which is basically impossible seeing as half of the town wants to maim or otherwise dismember me!” My friends were all hanging their heads in shame now. Good! Maybe now they understand what I’ve been through! I knew I should’ve just stayed in bed today…

I took a deep breath. “And to top it ALL off, I STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN ANYTHING TO EAT TODAY!! So go ahead! Have the stupid blasted ticket!” I shouted as I grabbed the spare from the table where it was left and threw it at them. “Go ahead and fight over it for all I care! I! AM! DONE!” I finally finished berating them and stood there, chest heaving, eyes twitching, mane and tail in disarray, and all around a probably very sorry sight. 

And to my great surprise, nopony made a move for the ticket.

Eventually, Applejack slowly stood up and walked over to me. “Twilight, sugar,” she began, placing a forehoof on my shoulder as she did so. “Ah…Ah didn’t mean ta put so much pressure on ya. An’ if it helps, Ah don’t want th’ ticket anymore. Y’all can give it ta somepony else. Ah won’t feel bad, Ah promise.”

“Me too,” Fluttershy added as she flew down to me. “I feel just awful that I made you feel so awful…”

“And me too!” Pinkie chorused. “It’s no fun upsetting your friends.”

“Twilight,” Rarity began. “It was unfair of me to try and force you as I did.”

“YES!” Rainbow Dash crowed, swooping down from her perch to grab the ticket. She held it aloft, admiring it. “That means the ticket is mine! Haha! I got the ticket…I got the ticket…I got the…hehe…um…”

It would appear that Rainbow Dash realized her error. Having six pairs of eyes staring angrily at you is usually a pretty good indicator. She slowly and reluctantly sidled over to me and held out the ticket. “You know…I haven’t really perfected my signature moves for the Wonderbolts, anyway. I don’t need that ticket either…”

Yeah. Yeah that’s what I thought, Rainbow. Real smooth. Punk.

“We all got so gung-ho ‘bout goin’ to th’ Gala that we couldn’t see how un-gung-ho we were makin’ you,” Applejack continued.

“We’re sorry, Twilight,” they all chorused sadly. 

Rainbow’s temporary lapse in judgment aside, I felt a budding warmth towards these five ponies. Despite the tirade I just finished unleashing at them, they still apologized and were willing to sacrifice their own personal wishes to make my life easier. 

Wow. Just…wow. These ponies were crazy, all of them. But in a good way. Maybe…just maybe…I could be a little bit crazy too. I felt a slight smile worm its way onto my lips. I also felt a brilliant plan building in my brain. It was one of those times to be a genius again!

I turned to Spike, who had been standing on the stairs with a bewildered expression the whole time. It was time for the first friendship report. “Spike, take a letter.” He hastened back downstairs and grabbed his writing utensils. 

“Ready!”

“Dear Princess Celestia,” I began. “Today I learned that not being able to share with all your friends can be pretty annoying. It doesn’t feel good to say ‘no’ to somepony’s face. Therefore, I will be returning the extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala.” As I spoke, I floated the free ticket over to Spike with the letter. Unfortunately, the second remained firmly attached to my body.

“What?” My friends all chorused in disbelief. Didn’t see that coming, huh?

Now for the trump card. “And, since I won’t have a friend to come along with me, I would like to request that you take back the other ticket as well. If my friends can’t all go, I don’t want to go either!” I announced triumphantly, looking my friends in the eyes. They all looked astonished.

“Twilight, ya don’t have ta do that!” Applejack protested. 

“Nope! I’ve made up my mind,” I responded. This was the perfect plan: guilt-trip Celestia into letting me off the hook. It was totally brilliant! There was no way this could back-fire. “Spike, you can send the letter now.” My trusty assistant wasted no time in popping the window open and incinerating the letter and ticket with a burst of green flame.

“Now you won’t get to go to the Gala either…” Fluttershy commented sadly.

I scoffed. “Don’t worry about me, girls. I’m sure I’ll live.” The others must have been really touched by my actions because they all piled in for a group hug, each chattering about how selfless I was. I begrudgingly decided to let them.

Huh. Maybe having friends wasn’t half-bad.

Still, I could do without the hugs. I met Spike’s eye and we both pretended to gag. Suddenly, he began to gag for real.

Uh oh. Royal Decree incoming.

“Well wallop mah withers, Spike!” Applejack suddenly yelled as she started walking over to him. I tried to warn her, but she was once again succumbing to her chronic weakness and running her mouth uncontrollably. “Isn’t that jest like a boy. Can’t handle th’ least bit o’ sentiment-whoa, nelly!” she yelled in surprise as she just narrowly ducked under the green blast of fire that emerged from Spike’s maw with a loud belch.

Spike glared at Applejack, as if to question why she was yelling at him when I clearly was guilty of the same crime. I stifled a giggle.

Sure enough, the smoke and flames twisted into a scroll that slowly floated down into Spike’s grip. “A letter from the Princess?” I asked in surprise once I recovered. “That was fast.” I wasn’t sure yet if that was a good or bad thing.

Spike peeled off the Royal Seal and began to read. “My faithful student Twilight,” he began. To his credit, he only stumbled a little bit over that part as he reigned in his snickers. “Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?” he continued. And then six more golden tickets fell out of the folds of the scroll. “Six tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?!” he yelped in confusion.

My friends all gasped in excitement as they beheld the glittering golden tickets. They crowded around Spike and all hurried to pick one up before scurrying off to chat excitedly to one another. I, on the other hoof, felt my heart plummet into my stomach. “That can’t be all she said. Is there any more?” I asked as I walked over to Spike.

“Right here,” he replied. “And no, Twilight, I’m not going to remove the Adhesion Spell on your ticket. You are going to the Gala and that is that. Hopefully your friends will help you have a good time and stay out of trouble. If you don’t want the ticket to be visible, I find that hiding it behind your head in your mane works very well. Yours truly, Princess Celestia.”

I groaned and facehoofed. Well played, Celestia. Well played.

The others noticed my distress and walked over to join us. Before they could say anything, though, Spike found more writing. “P.S. Once the Gala begins, if you’re not present that ticket will shock you once on the hour every hour. I again highly recommend that you attend. Oh, Twilight, I am SO sorry.”

I groaned again. “Oh no, I’m doomed!” 

“Twilight dear, why is Princess Celestia so intent on getting you to attend the Gala? That seems a little…extreme,” Rarity inquired.

I rolled my eyes. “Because she’s a terrible ruler who’s forcing me to do things against my will! She’s oppressing my freedoms!”

The others were skeptical, though. “I dunno,” Pinkie began. “I bet you could really benefit from getting out more and meeting other ponies. I think she just has your best interests at heart!”

“WHAT?! No!” I vehemently protested. Were they seriously trying to defend the Princess when evidence to the contrary was being waved right in front of their noses?

“Ah think yer right, Pinkie!” Applejack agreed. “She jest wants what’s best fer Twilight!”

“Aww yeah!” Rainbow added. “We have the awesomest Princess ever!” At that, all of my friends began to excitedly chatter among themselves about how great Princess Celestia was. 

…Are you bucking kidding me.

I facehoofed. Ugh. How could ponies possibly be so dense? I guess I was alone in my valiant stand against the evil sun tyrant. Go figure. 

At least I had Spike. I turned back to him with an expression of disgust worn clearly on my face. He shook his head sympathetically. It was then that I noticed there was one more ticket on the ground. Turning back to my friends, I saw that each of them had theirs firmly in hoof. So whose was this? “Spike, why is there an extra ticket on the ground?”

Spike looked surprised. “I dunno,” he replied. “Maybe she said something else in here…” he commented thoughtfully as he looked the scroll over once more. “Oh, here we go. P.S.S. Spike, you also must attend the Grand Galloping Gala. It will be good for you, too. I trust Twilight will see to it.” He recoiled in shock as he finished that sentence before looking up at me with large, pleading eyes. 

“Are you gonna make me go?” he asked fearfully. 

I sighed sadly. “Sorry, Spike. She’ll notice if you’re not there, and I’m on a short leash as it is. I’m afraid she’s got us beat this round.”

Spike pouted. “Drat. This is gonna suck so bad.”

“Tell me about it,” I agreed. It was then that my stomach decided to remind everypony present that I STILL was in desperate need of food. All of my friends stared at me in surprise. I grinned sheepishly and blushed once again. “Ehehe…still hungry. Wanna go get some food?”

They all smiled. “Say…” Applejack began. “By mah reckonin’, Ah still owe ya some food, don’t Ah? Why don’t y’all come on down ta Sweet Apple Acres fer some grub.” We all cheered loudly at that. Some fresh Apple cooking sounded absolutely fantastic right about now. One by one, my friends filed out the door. Applejack held it open for us. I was the last one out, and she shut the door behind her and trotted up to my side.

“Well, I got you your ticket,” I said. I wouldn’t admit it, but I was actually rather pleased I was able to make all my friends happy. Even if Spike and I had to go to the Gala too.

“Eeyup,” she replied.

“And I helped you win your bet.”

“Sure did. Thanks for all ya’ve done fer me today, Twilight.”

“No problem. Although, I can’t help but feel that I’m getting the short end of the stick…”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Whaddaya mean?”

“Well…it’s just that it feels like a two-to-one deal to me.”

Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine. Whaddaya want?”

I grinned fiercely at her. “Oh, I think you know.”

She huffed in annoyance. “No! Ah ain’t tellin’!”

“Oh, come ooon,” I begged. “It’s just us! I won’t tell anypony, I promise!”

Applejack stopped walking. She looked left. She looked right. She leaned in close to me. “All right…Ah’ll tell ya…If Ah had lost th’ bet, Ah woulda had ta pretend ta have a crush on Rainbow fer a week.”

My eyes widened at that. “What?!” I sputtered. “Does that even work? Does she even trot that way?”

Applejack hurriedly shushed me. “Shh! Not so loud! Ya promised not ta tell anypony!”

“Hey, a promise is a promise,” I replied softly. “My lips are sealed. But still…”

Applejack grinned at that. “O’ course she does. Jest look at that mane. Th’ whole town knows, though she don’t know that.”

I let out a guffaw of laughter at that. How delightfully fantastic. It totally makes sense, in retrospect.

Hmmm…Applejack and Rainbow Dash…

By Luna’s moon, that is so unbelievably gay.