"So," Sniper asked as the pair walked down the forested path, trees only being a slight taller than them, as well sparsely populated. "Who was it we're seein' about the...ah...music, was it?"
"Yeah, it's music." Engi replied, "I think Lil' Miss Musical's name was somethin' like Butterfry? Cutterdry? Fluttershy? That's it, Fluttershy."
"Bloody fruit names in this place..." Sniper grumbled. "We'll just need to get this done quick: I'd prefer to have some free time before their 'Princess' arrives."
"That's another thing Twilight mentioned while y'all were fillin' some Jarate. This pony's easily frightened."
"Bah! I'm good with animals, I spent 20 bloody years gutting the damn things after earning their trust. This'll be easy." Sniper scoffed, dismissing his friend with a wave of his hand. I'm bloody brilliant with animal wankers; like deer and buffalo. And alligators. Just before Engineer could call Sniper's error, there was the sound of singing. It was coming from up ahead, just outside a small cottage. However, the singer(s) were out of sight.
"Huh." Engineer muttered, stopping just at the entrance to the bridge that crossed a small stream. "Y'all hear that singin'?"
"Yeah." Sniper groaned. "I hate singing. Let's just get this over and bloody done with." Rather promptly, and rudely, I might add, the Australian pushed Engineer out of the way and strode over the bridge, before leaping the fence. Engineer facepalmed.
"Guess he don't like it here." he sighed, before trudging after his friend. Instead of leaping the fence, engineer simply knocked on the garden gate like a normal person. After a few seconds, there was a loud clank, and the now broken padlock was flung over. It landed in Engineer's hand, and he set his gaze upon it.
"Well, I'll be." he chuckled. The lock now bore a large cut through the centre, allowing him to freely spin both halves of it. As he ran his left forefinger down the laceration. "That's a damn clean cut."
"Umm...it's open?" squeaked a quiet female voice. Following the command, Engineer raised his hand and slowly pushed the wooden door agape, and the sight that greeted him surprised the Texan to an endless extent.
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"Well..." Spy began, giving the new campers a cautious eye. "These definitely aren't human."
"Da." Heavy shot back. "Is Engineer and Sniper. Both are back on RED team, to help us crush baby BLU team."
"Mmph." Pyro agreed. "Mmph mm-mmpr mmrmh rmm-mmrs."
"What he said." Scout nodded. "Lemme try somethin'." The Bostonian stepped forward, and approached the rather metallic new Engineer. He looked suspiciously mechanical, but robots didn't exist so it was fine. The Engineer looked at the teenager with burning red eyes. "Need a dispenser here."
"Heck yeah!" replied the machine Engineer, raising his thumb, before looking at his left wrist. Finally, it he pressed a button, causing a red toolbox to appear instantaneously into his hands. Finally, he threw it on the floor rather violently, and the toolbox performed the usual ritual of going from cereal box to vending machine. The Engineer promptly began laughing, before deciding it was time for line dancing.
"See?" Demoman grinned at Spy. "Both o' these laddies are the original ones. Nothin' wrong here, mate." Spy simply facepalmed and turned to Soldier.
"Soldier, are these two robots?" asked the Frenchman. However, he didn't even want an answer when he saw that Soldier was wearing a cardboard box on his head, washing machine piping on his arms, shoeboxes on his feet, and holding a frying pan.
"I AM A ROBOT. I AM PROGRAMMED TO TAKE AMERICAN JOBS. BEEP. BOOP."
"Stupid question." Spy facepalmed. "Anyway, I don't trust these two. But as long as they can capture a point and kill a Heavy, I am amused. Now that the moment has passed: back to work!"
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"Engi!" Sniper grinned. "I have an owl on my shoulder, an eagle on my arm, and a parrot on my hat."
"Well," Engineer laughed. "Y'all really have a way with birds." Just then, there was a small tugging on Engineer's trouser leg.
"Yes?" he said, looking down. Biting his trouser leg was a small vanilla mare with a pink mane. It was another Pegasus, so Engineer assumed it was 'Fluttershy'.
"Oh...um...sorry for biting your leg." squeaked Fluttershy. "I was wondering if it was alright that you didn't break my gate?"
"Sorry 'bout that, missy." Engi replied with a tip of his hard-hat. "He's used to doin' things like that to kill Spys. Are y'all Fluttershy?"
"Y-yes?"
"Good. Your friend Twilight Sparkle sent us to check around on the preparations for your Princess' visit. Y'all're in charge o' the music?"
"Why yes! My birds have been practising very hard, so your arrival is giving them a little break."
"Well, they sure do like Sniper." Engineer laughed. He was right: the Australian had a small owl perched on his shoulder with a protective look in its eyes, a large eagle was sat on his wrist gazing patriotically at the American sun, and a bright green parrot had decided to sit on his hat, looking quite proud of itself. The rest of the birds were happily chirping away at Sniper, as a greeting.
"Yeah." Sniper grinned. "I like this owl. He looks pissed at things, like me."
"That's Owlowisious*, I'm looking after him for Twilight. Once the visit is over he'll be back at the library, so he'll be happy to see you there." Fluttershy beamed. "The eagle's name is Patriot, and the parrot is called Highlander. I wonder why they like you so much..."
"Well, I used to care for animals before I became a Sniper." Sniper lied, stroking the breast feathers of Owlowisious.. "Maybe it's still there."
"Maybe." Fluttershy murmured. "Well, I hope you don't mind if we keep practising? You do have more things to see, don't you?"
"Yeah. Princess arrives at 3:00, it's 1:34 now." Sniper added. "Still got weather and food to see. We goin' to a weather station to look at weather? I don't understand that bit."
"No, you just have to go and see Rainbow Dash. She came by earlier to ask if I'd seen you two do anything suspicious, and I said no. I don't think she trusts you two."
"No problem: I already bloody hate her." Sniper scoffed.
"Ditto." Engineer nodded.
"Well...ok. I'd better get back to teaching my birds. You two get going, if you don't mind."
"OK, Shiela." Sniper smirked. He put the birds back on their branch, with much resistance, and leapt the fence. Again, Engineer sighed and walked through the gate.
"Hey, Miss Fluttershy? Y'all come by to the library sometime, I can fix you up a new lock if y'all want." Engineer called. Fluttershy smiled and nodded. If Engineer's heart hadn't been replaced with some crazy contraption by Medic, it would have blown up at the mare's face she pulled.
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"Y'all're kiddin' me with this now, right?"
"Nah, I see it too, mate. Bit of an over-reaction to us, though."
Directly ahead of the pair, spanning the entire street, was a road-block. Hundreds of pegasi, all part of the colour spectrum, had moved crates, makeshift barriers, market stands, and anything else they could find into one line, and even a few armoured ponies had joined in. The latter of those were presumably part of some military, and were also armed.
However, stood at the front there was one white and blue unicorn, wearing what could only be assumed as a Commanders' Armour set. He was bearing a more serious expression than the other guards and ponies, and glaring right at the two humans.
"Now ain't that cute." Engineer chuckled. "They called in the darned military."
"Military? It's not really an army, mate. More...armoured column, or whatever Tin Hat called 'em." corrected Sniper. "But we still need t' get to...the Apple Farm. Let's call it that, I forgot the name."
"Alrighty then. Let's go forward and talk t' these dummies."
The pair began to walk forward, causing all of the ponies on the barricade to become shifty.
"Here they come!" one guard shouted. "Defend Ponyville!" Engineer groaned at their stupidity, raised a hand to his mouth, and called over.
"Y'all're dumber than a box a' rocks, aint'cha?" shouted the Texan. "We ain't here t' do no harm: we're preparing for a visit from your Princess."
"On whose orders?" boomed the white and blue stallion.
"Yeah, whose?" yelled another pony.
"Whoa, whoa, back up a sec." Sniper cut in. "Why the hell are ya tryin' t' bloody stop us?"
"That's for the Equestrian public to know, and for you beasts to never find out." replied the guard, rather patriotically. Engineer just stared at him in confusion, and the pair of humans approached the barricade. The pony in charge raised a hoof, as several spears were aimed at the pair. "By the order of the Princesses, HALT!"
"By my bloody arse, I'm orderin' you t' piss off, big'ead!" Sniper yelled back.
"Final warning: HALT!"
"Y'all done incurred mah wrath, son!" Engineer shouted angrily, whipping out his PDA in one hand and Wrangler in the other. "Sentry goin' up!"