//------------------------------// // Midday Moon // Story: The Sun may Rise, but the Daughter reigns. // by Hipster Pony Raven Horn //------------------------------// Luna… oh Luna why? What happened? I was so certain that we’d rule together… I was so certain I could rely on you. But… now you’re gone, you’re gone and I sent you away. How could I be so blind? How could I not see the signs? The place we made our home, a secluded forest where I could finish my transformations and still be able to rule over our country. I know, you did your best, but the ponies seemed to fear you. I tried to warn you, I thought you heard me. But now, now I’m alone. I’m alone and cold Luna. Your turn on me, it cut me like nothing else. Not even running away from Mother and Father pained me as much as the deed that I had to force myself to do. You, no, that wasn’t you. I refuse to believe it, I refuse to accept it. Whatever it was that was controlling you, it was not you. The one-thousand year seal is my only hope, that in time I can find some way to free you… it was my fault that you left, and I will find some way to bring you back. It’s the same you would do for me… that you have done for me. All those times you covered for me with our parents, all those times you got into trouble when the blame was really on me. Covering for me and my experiments with your clothing, my verbal slips, and trying your best to answer my questions. When we ran away, I thought it would be better away from Mother and Father. I thought that as long as you were with me we could do anything, and we did. We figured out a spell to make me look more feminine while we sought a more drastic measure to fix me. Then we found Discord, and defeated him together. We were made royalty, we built our own palace, and all this time you kept sacrificing yourself for me. Oh Luna, if I knew you felt the way you said you did last night… if I knew that you wished for more praise, for more acceptance, more love, I would have given it to you without hesitation. I should have seen this coming, your change in attitude lately… I merely thought you were annoyed with your son. Forgive me Luna, forgive me please for being so blind. I feel like a scared filly, one who just wants her sister to come through the darkness and nuzzle her and let her know the monsters aren’t real. But no, I’m not a filly, I’m not even really a mare. I’m just a stallion who looks like a mare, who has a vain dream to become one. Luna, I once told you when we were foals that I’d give everything to become a mare proper. I was young and foolish, I hadn’t contemplated what that would feel like. Now I know, I’ve lost our parents, I’ve lost you, and now I feel like I’m losing myself. Luna, you were always there, guarding my dreams at night and protecting me. And last night as I dreamed I thought you had come to visit me even through your imprisonment in that darkness and on the moon. But the dream became a nightmare, as the darkness enveloped you and took you away. And I just stood there and watched, helpless and scared. Luna, I never wanted to lose you. I never wanted my becoming a proper mare to come between us. I never wanted to become their princess and let that drive between us. Luna, I will wait for your return. I shall never forget you Luna, please… please don’t forget me. —Excerpt from Princess Celestia’s Diary Vol 4 I approached Luna’s room slowly, becoming more hesitant the closer I got. Was I ready to bring this up again? Wasn’t it good enough that Luna accepted me, and didn’t question anything when she returned? Shouldn’t I just let dragons sleep and be on my way? I stopped outside her door, biting my lip and debating with myself. I lifted my hoof, ready to knock but no, I couldn’t do it. I put my hoof back down and turned to go. I sighed, I guess I wasn’t ready yet after all. Tears started to run down my face, despair washing over me. It was the biggest problem I had with myself, the biggest secret of my past. I thought, maybe after Discord ruffled my feathers I could talk with Luna. We hadn’t really talked as sisters since her return, more like old friends. I know I had changed a lot since then, but I missed those talks. ‘Tia?’ I looked up, trying to blink the streaming tears out of my eyes. ‘Tia is something wrong? Do… do you want to come talk for a minute?’ ‘I’m fine Luna, honestly. I’m sorry to have bothered you.’ I started walking down the hall head held high when I heard my name called again. ‘Celestia, I know something is bothering you. There are water drops on the floor, come on.’ I stopped, finally turning to face my sister. She smiled, her eyes soft and warm as they were all those centuries ago. My face grew into a small smile, and I rushed forward draping myself over Luna. ‘Luna, oh Luna…’ ‘There there, come on inside. We’ll talk. I’ve found some amazing herbs that have been cultivated since I’ve been gone. You chew on them and they calm you, and taste so fresh afterwards,’ Luna said, patting me on the back. I followed her in, sitting down on one of her over-puffed pillows as she trotted over to her own pillow. I saw her horn glow as a tin filled with what smelled of mint floated over to me. I pulled a few leaves out, chewing on them thoughtfully. They really did help a pony calm down some. ‘Alright, so Tia. What is bothering you? In the two years since I was freed I have not seen you cry as you used to. You have turned into such a strong mare, ruling this country for a thousand years without me.’ She smiled. There was no tone of bitterness, no accusatory tone. We were just a couple of sisters, sitting there, talking over my problems. But the thing was, that was my problem. Was I really her sister? I wasn’t born so, I wasn’t raised so, so who was I to decide that I was something like that? I didn’t know how to bring up such a sore topic of our past. I just looked at the floor, chewing on the mint. How was I supposed to say that I felt I was living a lie? That I was deceiving everypony just to give myself some small comfort in myself? ‘Tia, come on. I cannot help you if you don’t say anything.’ Luna got up, nuzzling me gently. ‘Come on, whatever monsters you’re facing, I am sure they are not real. But never the less, lets fight them together.’ I’m not sure if it was the nuzzle, or if it was Luna talking the way she used to when I was alone and scared at our parent’s house. ‘I’m doing nothing more than living a lie!’ I blurted out, before collapsing to the ground sobbing. I could feel Luna’s reassuring hoof stroking my back, her warm body cuddled next to mine as I lay there, sobbing into my hooves. When I finally started to calm down, I looked up. Luna was still there smiling as kindly as she ever had. ‘You are still worried about that? After a thousand years? You silly little filly.’ I sniffed, swallowing. ‘Nopony else knows, I… I just don’t know if I’m the mare I always wanted to be, or if I’m just pretending and deluding myself. I look like a mare, my body for the most part acts like that of a mare’s, but what if it is all a lie? What if I am doing nothing more than covering up my true self? What if-’ I stopped, Luna had held her hoof up. ‘Tia, when we were foals you confused me immensely. I admit I was jealous that you were the son and I was the daughter. You were showered with gifts, spoiled beyond belief, always treated with favour. And I was always second hat, younger, female. I never got the attention that you did, never got the love you did. Like the moon during the day, it is always there but barely seen, so I was hidden by your radiance.’ I lowered my head again. I never wanted our parents to spoil me, I never wanted their praise. Just their love and acceptance, instead of judgement. ‘But, I loved you. So when you asked me that first time, what it was like to be a girl I knew there was something different. Something special. When I let you wear my dress the first time, since we were not that far apart in size yet, and you were caught I took the fall. Because I knew, my sister needed to be protected.’ I had heard these words before, but somehow they seemed more real this time. And there was something different, I couldn’t quite place it but Luna seemed to have changed it somehow. ‘My very special sister, who my parents did not understand. My very special sister, who was growing to hate her body every day. I did not know what went on through your head, just that it had to have been hard. So I suggested one night that we just run away, get away so you could live as you wanted to live.’ It hit me, why the words seemed so different. When she told me this, she didn’t refer to me as her sister until after I had started changing. Until then she had always called me her brother when she talked about us as foals. I looked at Luna, tears sitting in my eyes not yet water-falling down my face. ‘You argued, fought with me. But in the end you agreed that we would run away, make it on our own. We escaped into the world, travelled as far as we could. That is when we started experimenting with body-changing magic. Trying to get you to look more like a mare and less like a stallion. We were successful enough that when we entered Equestria for the first time the ponies there thought we were the princesses that were foretold to save them from chaos.’ I swallowed, wondering what was coming next. Typically when Luna told me these stories we glossed over Discord, neither of us feeling too proud of what happened there. ‘I felt so happy for you sister, seeing other ponies see you as you truly are, even if you were not perfect yet. Then we met Discord…’ Luna halted, looking at the floor. ‘When he was released from our spell, he made certain that I remembered what we did to him, and that it was my fault that negotiations had turned south. He saw through what we had done, pegging what you were born as, but remember Celestia that he never once called you anything but a she outside of just our private company. No matter what, he still kept your secret. Even after his release.’ I shifted around on the spot. This was all very true, Discord for all his chaos always toed the line, especially since outing me could completely destroy my credibility as a leader. Though there is a part of me that wonders who would believe Discord if he did publicly out me, seeing as he’s such a practical joker. Sometimes to a bad degree. ‘Then there was the time we were in the castle of the two pony sisters,’ Luna continued. My stomach seemed to be caught in some some sort of vice. She had never talked before about this time in our life. Beyond apologising for everything she did, she never opened up about it. ‘We had discovered magic that would more freely allow you to pass as a mare, changing everything to nearly perfectly mimic that of a mare’s body.’ Luna looked away from me, taking a deep breath. ‘I did my best to hide it for the longest time, but my jealousy was growing. I spent almost all my time dealing with the subjects, you only made a few appearances. I was the one doing almost all the work, and again I was eclipsed by your radiance… speaking of which I like what you’ve done with the Eclipse, having the moon go in front of the sun. The first time I saw it, and learnt you did it for me… I cried… but going on. My jealousy was growing, and something about that forest was only feeding it.’ Luna gulped, and suddenly I found I was the one who was holding her. ‘After a while, there were times when I felt I didn’t love you. That I could get rid of you. If the ponies were so afraid of my beautiful night, then I’d keep it up longer, until they learnt like you had there was nothing to be frightened of. Then there were times my head was clear, but remembering everything, and just wanting to escape and flee from that dark place. But… I couldn’t abandon you and…’ ‘Shhh… shhh…’ I cradled Luna to my chest, wrapping my wings around her. ‘It’s alright, I know that wasn’t you, you did nothing wrong.’ Cradling my shivering sister was an interesting experience for me. I usually wasn’t the one comforting between the two of us. Even after her return she hadn’t shown much weakness. The two of us just stayed there, Luna curled up inside my wings. It felt… good, like a mother comforting her child. I was the big sister, comforting her scared little sister for a change. Time seemed immaterial, it was just me and her, and I was feeling so happy to be this close with my sister again. It was as though a piece of my soul was starting to fill in, but there was still some part missing. “Tia…’ I looked down at Luna’s soft voice. It seemed so out of character to hear her sound so meek and humble. She typically was very commanding, even when she was comforting. ‘Tia if you need any more proof, go ask Twilight about this. Your student is wise, and she may show you what I cannot.’ ‘But Luna… what if she doesn’t accept me, what if she rejects me? You know we have a lot riding on her.’ I said, looking back. ‘I’ve told you about my plans.’ ‘You will think of a way to discuss it with her,’ Luna said, snuggling a little closer. ‘You were always the smarter of the two of us.’