{Authors Note: I'll be honest; this is weird even by my standards. I apologize for the bad messy quality of this chapter. Absolutely everything in this chapter was written on the fly.}
Celestia stood in the Canterlot Gardens and admired her work. She had created probably the best day Equestria had seen in the last thousand years. She had ordered the entire Canterlot and Ponyville weather teams to take the day off so she could personally craft all aspects of the entire day. Everything was perfect, the sun shone more brightly than it had in ages. The clouds were placed precisely to give the sky an aspect of symmetry.
And with a single snap of his talons Discord flushed all that work down the drain. The Sun Goddess stared in complete horror as her beautiful sun’s golden glow was taken away and replaced by several shades of changing green. The clouds she had spent hours meticulously placing slowly began to pick up speed and the started chasing each other across the now purple sky.
“Much better” Discord stated happily as he slowly rose from the pond. With another snap of his talons the pond water was quickly replaced with pudding. “Well, aren’t you going to thank me?” The Lord of Chaos asked as he removed one of his horns and scoped up some of the pudding.
Celestia continued to stare at Discord’s chaos in complete horror. All of her work, and her plans for the day, gone in a single flash. After several more seconds Celestia’s mind finally finished processing the entirety of the situation.
“What do you mean thank you?!” hissed the Sun Goddess “What in the fire of Tartarus do you think you’re doing?”
“What do you mean?” Discord asked as innocently as possible, with another snap of his talons the grass beneath their hooves was replaced with sand.
“What’s gotten into you? I thought we were over your “Immortality crisis.” Celestia asked the confusion starting to set in as the original shock began to wear off. As she had said, Discord had been doing quite good since he got a nice blast of concentrated Harmony. Now it seemed like he had reverted back to when he first broke free.
“Nothing has gotten into me.” Discord answered as he stretched he arm and once again snapped his talons. This time, as far as Celestia could tell, nothing had happened. “I’m completely over that supposed “Immortality Crisis” I just haven’t felt this good in eons.”
It was only at this moment that Celestia noticed something about Discord. Even though he seemed to be focused on what she was saying, Discord seemed to shift his focus all about the garden. Another thing she noticed was that he seemed to be constantly shaking ever so slightly. That’s when a horrible realization set in.
“Discord, what have you eaten today?”
The Draconequus seemed oblivious to the sun goddess’s question as he continued to change a single flower, never seeming quite happy with what it ended up as.
“Discord!” Celestia snapped as she pulled the Chaos god’s face to hers. “Discord, I need you to focus.”
“Uh huh” Discord mumbled as he tried to pull his head away.
“What did you eat today?”
The Draconequus paused as he placed a talon to his mouth and began to think back to all he had eaten.
“Well, I ate some cereal and then some toast, and then I ate the toaster, tasted like red.”
“Is that all you ate?” Celestia asked suspiciously
“Oh, I was feeling tired so Luna gave me some of that stuff you won’t let me have… Coffee, that’s what it was. That reminds me, I should go visit Moon Butt.” With that and a final snap of his talons Discord vanished.
“Mother of Tartarus” Muttered the Goddess as the full realization set in.
Several Minutes Later
"We're all going to die, we're all going to die." Repeated the terrified Sun Goddess as she huddled beside a bush and waiting for her inevitable death.
"What in the name of darkness are you babbling about?" Asked Nightmare as she prodded Celestia. "You know, don't tell me. I just want a single day where nothing horrible happens, and if that means living in ignorance, then I'm okay with that." the Mare of Darkness finished as she prepared to walk away.
"Discord... coffee....we're all dead." Celestia continued to babble
Nightmare stopped dead in her tracks. "Did you say Discord and coffee in the same sentence?" a hint of terror breaking through her facade.
"Luna gave him the black brew and doomed us all." Whimpered the Sun Goddess
Nightmare quickly forced her fears to the back of her mind. She knew the consequences of Discord consuming large quantities of sugar based off some of Luna’s older memories. She could hardly fathom the consequences of the Draconequus being powered by Caffeine.
“So what’s the plan?” the midnight Alicorn as she forced some courage into her appearance.
“Wait for the inevitable collapse of reality and rebuild later.” Celestia answered as she tucked her head between her front hooves and continued to wait for the horrific explosion that would signify the ending of existence. Equestria began with a Discord sugar binge, it only seemed fitting that a caffeine rush would be what ended it.
“Agre-“ Nightmare began to answer when Celestia’s full message set in. “Wait a second, what do you mean just wait?”
“What can we do to stop him?” Celestia began to speak as she slowly began to pick herself up off the ground “The Elements won’t stop him; he’s not evil or filled with disharmony. He’s hoped up on caffeine and we can barely keep up with him on a regular basis.”
Nightmare gave a sigh “So you’re just going to give up? You’re Princess Celestia ruler of Equestria, creator of the Sun and the Heavens. You’ve seen the beginning of time itself and you’ll see the last moments of the last life. You’re the eternal light of existence and the universe will only end when you allow it! So are you going to stand by and watch as a hyper active god destroys everything you’ve worked for?”
“No!” Shouted Celestia her spirits partially renewed
“Are you going to sit there and watch as he takes your day and turns it to chaos?!”
“No!”
“So you know what we’re going to do?”
“What are we going to do?” Shouted the Sun Goddess ready to do whatever it would take to stop Discord.
“We’re going to go in there and tell Celestia our night isn’t less than her day and if she doesn’t deem us her equal then the Night shall last forever!”
“Yeah let’s go show that Sun loving Bit- Hey wait a minute.” Celestia spoke as she realized what she was about to agree to.
“Oops” Nightmare muttered as she placed a hoof to her mouth. “I got my “Eternal Night” and my “Eternal Day” speeches mixed up again.”
“Wait, you’ve got a speech for “Eternal Day”?” Asked the confused Sun Goddess
“Don’t you worry about that right now.” Nightmare began as she pointed towards the Castle. “We’ve got a Mad God to stop.”
Roughly 21 Minutes Later
The two Alicorns had once again found Discord's trail, for someone currently on a rampage of chaos he was quite subtle in which area of the castle had targeted first. However, when they finally tracked his magic it seemed quite obvious.
"The kitchen?" Nightmare asked as she raised an eyebrow.
Celestia gave a shrug "I'm not sure what I expected, but as long as the Kitchen isn't on fire, I'm completely okay with it."
Both Celestia and Nightmare found their original shock quickly returning as they opened the door to the kitchen and were quickly hit by a torrent of snow. Shielding their eyes with a hoof they attempted to make their way into the kitchen, however they were quickly forced out when the blizzard overwhelmed them.
"So what do we do now?" stuttered the half frozen Mare of Darkness as she tried warm up.
"We'l- We'll need to g- go get some more stuff..." Shivered the Sun Goddess "Quic- quickly to the room of thing- things I stole from other dimens- dimensions!"
With flare of her horn the two Alicorns vanished from the hall and reappeared inside a rather large white room. With another flare of her Celestia brought her collection of other worldly items into existence
"Okay" Celestia began as she sorted through the rows of items till she found the first rack she'd need. "First we will need some specialize gear, if we go in there like this we'll freeze."
Nightmare made her way over to the wall completely covered in different there were various pieces of clothing and what appeared to be armor ranging from what she'd describe as medieval to space age.
"How about this one?" Asked the black Alicorn as pointed to what appeared to be a black space suits, with several red stripes. "What does N7 mean?"
Celestia paused as she thought back to her many adventures in the past. "That's a long story, but the short version is that during Luna and your banishment, I had several space adventures. Needless to say, Harbinger won't be assuming direct control anymore." Her last few words filled with hate.
"Oookay then...." Nightmare said as she backed away "I guess, I don't want to use this suit."
However Celestia didn't seem to hear Nightmare as she continued her flashback. That poor fool of a Space Crayfish wasn't expecting a flying horse, let alone a talking one. She felt kind of bad about hiding that bomb in a cake, but war is war.
"Hey! Equestria to Sun Butt, come in Sun Butt!" The midnight Alicorn shouted as she waved a hoof in front of Celestia's face.
"What?" mumbled Celestia as she snapped out of her reminiscing
"I said how about these ones?" Nightmare asked as she pointed to two almost identical suits. Both suits appeared to be two more spacesuits like the first, however the designs seemed alien to each other.
"Arctic survival RIGs" Celestia answered as she approached the two suits. "These are the finest suits the Sovereign Colonies ever produced, they saw Luna and I though all the horrors of Tau Volantis... There were a few Necromoprhs, by the way, don't open Luna's closet door, we have to deal with that Brute at some point."
"So... are we going with these suits?" Nightmare asked as she tried to figure out what a Necromorph was and how much she wanted to open Luna's closet door, at the moment her curiosity was at a seven, she was probably going to open that door if they found Discord.
"Yes" Celestia began as she started to slip the RIG on "Just be careful when you bring up the helmet." the Sun Goddess continued as she pressed a button on one of her boots, a split second later a metal helmet extended out from within the suit and carefully covered her head. “Last time Luna wasn't paying attention and lost her mane."
"What do you mea-" Nightmare began as she pressed the buttons and in a single snip her ethereal mane was on the floor.
"Oh son of a Bi-"
Two minutes later.
"I said you look fine bald, now drop it Nightmare"
"But I'm baaald" cried the Mare of Darkness "I'm baaaaald"
"Look, we're back at the kitchen now you can stop whining." Celestia stated bluntly as she grabbed the hideously bald mare and threw her through the kitchen door and into the blizzard. However, in their long drawn out time in the armory Discord seemed to have grown tired with snow and replaced it with a desert.
"Are you kidding me?" Nightmare hissed "Are you kidding me?!"
"Oh stop you're whining, at least we can see now." Celestia spoke as she retracted her helmet. "Besides, these suits are air conditioned."
Celestia gave a sigh as she stared out at the rolling hills of sand and clear skies. She was pretty sure Discord had stolen one of her spare suns. However the Draconequus himself was nowhere to be seen.
Nightmare shook some sand from her armor as she removed her helmet, revealing her bald head.
"You know, I don't come to the kitchen that often, but I think the fool made a few expansions."
As the two Alicorns stared out at the endless hills of sand dunes, and cactus plants. They couldn't help but notice the faint sounds of approaching screams.
"Is that Luna?" Nightmare asked as she tried to identify the source.
"I think so," Answered Celestia as she waited for the approaching sound to reveal it's source.
After several seconds of waiting Nightmare and Celestia were both surprised to see Sombra rocket over one of the dunes riding on what appeared to be a unhinged door. The poor Unicorn appeared to be completely terrified as he slid out of control down the hill. Several seconds later Luna also rocketed over the hill goggles over her eyes, laughing as she skid towards the two other Goddesses.
"Hey Celly! Hey Moony watch this!" Luna shouted as she approached the smaller sand dune in front of them. It seemed she had intended to jump it; however she didn't even make it over the hill before she slipped off her board and crashed into Nightmare.
"Ten points!" Celestia shouted as she caught the out of control Sombra before he crashed into the hill. "There you go little buddy" She said happily as she lowered Sombra back to the ground.
"Thank you" Sombra mumbled as he stumbled towards the kitchen exit.
Once Celestia was sure the black Unicorn was okay she turned her attention back to Nightmare and Luna.
"Hey, Moonbutt, Moonbutt two are you okay?"
"That was awesome" groaned Luna as she picked herself off of her other half. "Wait, is that my RIG?" the Night Goddess asked as she examined her sister and Nightmare. "OH! Are we going back to Universe #21? There's a Slasher back there who owes me a leg"
"No" Groaned Nightmare as she picked herself up off the ground. "We're here to find Discord, thanks to you the universe is doomed."
"What do you mean?" Luna asked a look of complete confusion on her face.
"What do we mean?!" hissed the Sun Goddess "You gave him coffee, what didn't you do?!"
"Sure I gave him coffee, he ran off to tell you how great it tasted then came back to have a nap." Luna finished as she used her magic to bring the sleeping Draconequus back into the desert kitchen. The Chaos God lay on a small mattress snoring peacefully, a small blanket rested over him and a teddy bear resting between his arms.
"You gave him Caffeine and he went outside created total chaos and now he's going to destroy all of Equestr..... Wait a second he's asleep?" Celestia asked as she stared at the sleeping God of Chaos.
"Off course, he wouldn't leave me alone so I gave him some Coffee and just waited for him to crash. After that Sombra and I made some snow forts and then we went "Extreme Sandboarding"
"What do you mean "Extreme Sandboarding"? Sombra was terrified and you fell on your face trying to do a trick."
"Well actually the "Extreme" doesn't have anything to with the Sandboarding. In fact we we're trying to sandboard to begin with."
"So what what were you doing in a desert?" Nightmare asked as she finished doodling on Discord
"Well Celly, you remember the Brute in the closet?"
"Yes?" Celestia answered a tone of concern in her voice,
"Well, he isn't in the closet anymore." Luna answered awkwardly as she turned her gaze back to Nightmare a look of horror slowly spreading across her face. "Who knew something that big, could be so sneaky?"
Nightmare quickly realized the source of Luna's horror as she suddenly felt the sensation of hot breath on her back.
"It's right behind me isn't it?" She asked as calmly as possible.
Both the Sun and Moon Goddesses nodded in the affirmative as they slowly began to back away.
Nightmare gave a sigh "You know, I don't even know why I try anymore." with that Moonbutt 2 quickly found herself without a head. When she eventually returned to the land of the living she was greeted by a blood soaked Celestia, apparently in the glorious battle that followed her death, Celestia had pushed her own sister into the creature and eventually beat it to death with Luna's body.
Needless to say, both Nightmare and Celestia had some mental scars after the events of that day. The two of them promptly made their way to Canterlot Castle bar and drank till the horrors of the afternoon went away. It was recorded in legend that during the drunken stupor that followed Celestia and Nightmare brought about an Eternal day that lasted for roughly 3 days, a personal best for the two Alicorns.