My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ahhahhahhahhh- chooooo! Oh goodness, that hurt! Geez. Oh, and now I'm bleeding! Welp, the whole show is ruined now! I just screwed up the most important part. Now I will probably be fired and or killed. Maybe they'll do death by fire. Well I'm fucked. Oh shit! Shes here!
"Oh singer! I don't hear much singing!!"
Chapter 7
Crack
Well, looks like the position just opened up. A pity, she had such a beautiful voice. But the contract does say zero tolerance, and I must abide by the contract. You! Clean this up! When you're done, we'll need to put an ad in the paper for a replacement. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a book to write...
A new day, a new adventure. Killian walked in the kitchen and found a note pinned to the fridge:
Dear Killian,
I went out for errands. Fluttershy brought some milk for you. Meet us in town square at four.
-Joey
P.s.
You have no nips.
"What the fuck." Killian said, opening the fridge. Inside was a bottle labeled: "For Killian". Killian ate cereal and got ready to leave. When he opened the door, he saw a familiar face: Trixie. She quickly turned red at having been discovered, then she did a complete 180 and donned her more personified demeanor.
"What do you want hooker?" Killian asked, leaning against the doorway.
"The Great And Powerful Trixie is not a hooker! Where is Joey!? I'm here to collect!" Trixie said angrily.
"How the fuck should I know! I'm Supposed to meet him in town square at four." Killian said, annoyed.
"Fine, Trixie will accompany you on this venture, let's go!" Trixie said, walking away.
Once in town square, Killian saw all his friends: Joey flying around, Hobo talking with fluttershy, and Colby hugging the shit out of Twilight. Even that strange black unicorn buck was there. Trixie telekinetically grabbed Joey and threw him to the ground.
"Hey! I believe you owe Trixie Three years of your natural life!!" Trixie huffed.
"I don't think so... Do I even know you?" Joey replied.
"Wha!? How could you possibly forget The Great and Powerful Trixie!!?" Trixie asked. Joey put his hoof to his chin and thought for a bit.
"Nope. Don't ring a bell." Joey finalized.
"Doesn't ring a... You dare belittle Trixie!!" She shouted.
"Sorry. But hey, thanks for the free candy!" Joey said as he took off.
"Why you little... It doesn't matter, it's not like I need your permission..." Trixie hit Joey with a bolt of green light. Joey, stunned, plummeted to the ground like a rock. Trixie came up to him, lifted his head, and kissed Joey. As she pulled away, you could see a blue aura leaving Joey and enveloping Trixie. Then Trixie shouted "I am Dovahkiin!" threw down a smoke pellet, and disappeared.
"What in the fuckity fuck was that!?" Killian asked.
"She be a witch!!" said a really overweight buck in a wheelchair.
"Well no shit fuckface!" Killian shouted to the obese buck. "Who the fuck are..." Whilst Killian was talking, the buck took a bite out of a doughnut he pulled from his skin flaps, and then had a stroke.
"The fuuuck!?" Killian said, looking at the buck.
"He's fine, this happens often. As a matter of a fact, thats the third one this week." Joey said from over Killian's shoulder. "Gage!! Wake up!!!" Joey said, poking the possibly dead buck.
"What is that smell!? Did he shit himself!!?" Killian asked with a look of disgust on his face.
"That happens often too."
Finally the buck jolted back to life.
"Yarrgh, I still be alive my matey! Oh but it appears that I need to swab the poop deck. NURSE!!!" The buck shouted.
"Oh, what the hay is it now? Let me guess, you soiled yourself, again." His nurse came trotting over. A blueish white unicorn mare with sky blue mane and a sky blue cross for a cutie mark, went up to the gelatinous form that is Gage, and somehow lifted him up with her magic, managed to turn him over, clean him up, and gently set him back down into the chair.
"Thank you lass, my ship would sink if I be without you." Gage said.
"And that right there, is Gage's nurse, Cross. Somehow, she is able to withstand that guy." Joey said over Killian's shoulder.
Twilight finally managed to push Colby off enough to teleport away safely. Colby came trotting over to hug Killian.
"Killian, we're in Equestria!! Isn't this great!!" Colby shouted, hugging Killian to death.
"Ca.. can.. can't breathe.."
"Oh sorry. But hey, check this out!" Colby said, letting Killian out of his death grip.
Colby backed away and began to concentrate....
"Look out!!!"
Then a dumbbell fell on Colby, then an anvil, then a piano, then a boat.
"What the fuck!!! Colby!!" Killian shouted.
"I'm ok!" Colby shouted, coming from behind the wreckage of the boat.
Fwump
A grey Pegasus mare with blonde mane smashed down, obliterating Colby into bloody chunks of pink flesh and bone.
"Oops, my bad!" Said the grey mare, while looking at the mound of gore that was once Colby. Killian started charging the mare.
"You whore!!!"
Then the mare looked up, and Killian's heart stopped. The background turned all blurry, and there were hearts abound. Lyra got out her harp and began to play a sweet tune. Time slowed down as Killian took in the mare's eyes, her really screwed up eyes. All Killian could do was drool with a look of bliss on his face.
"Um, Killian, weren't you going to avenge your friend? Helloooo, Equestria to Killian." Joey said, waving his hooves in front of Killian's face. Killian pushed Joey out of the way, and started walking towards the mare. She looked at him as he approached, or at least I think she did.
"I just don't know what went wrong!" The mare said to Killian.
"It's ok. What's your name?" Killian asked.
"I'm Ditzy Doo. Who are you?"
"I'm Killian."
"Oh! I have some mail for you!" Ditzy said, looking through her mail bag. She came up with three different letters, as well as a package, and handed them to Killian. One letter contained a bank card and a key, another a bill of payment from Twilight, and lastly, an invite to dinner with the princesses. Killian looked over the package: it was pretty damn dinged up. He shook it and heard nothing. When he opened it, he found a note inside. It read:
Here's something to get it started.
~ M
Inside was a basket full of muffins. Derpy, sniffing the air, flew and shoved her face into the box.
"OMG! Muffins!" Ditzy said in between mouthfuls of the pastry. Killian just stood there, watching her bury her face in the muffins. When she had finished, she came up, looked at Killian with a huge ass smile. And gave him a big sloppy kiss. When she pulled away, Killian had the taste of blueberry in his mouth.
"Thank you soo much! Here's a house key, see you tonight. don't forget to bring more muffins!" Ditzy said as she turned and flew off. Killian resumed that look of utter bliss. Joey flew up behind him.
"You have derpies now...."
See you next time! Oh, and watch out for the rogue wizard Trixie. Don't be accepting any deals from strange people in alleyways kiddos, you might develop bad ju-ju. Definitely don't accept deals from people whose silhouette resembles that of a demon, because chances are, it's either the devil, or a Deathclaw in a cowboy hat.