//------------------------------// // Camper-Slam // Story: Happy Campers // by Okhlahoma Beat-Down //------------------------------// "This is just bloody rubbish." Sniper muttered, his voice muffled as he pressed his face into his hands. The light in the room, tiny as it may have been, almost filled the entire room with light, illuminating all the strange machinery and boxes containing...things. It took all of Engi's willpower not to just grab a machine, disassemble it, then reassemble it into something more destructive. "Stuck in a land full a' prancin' ponies, no way to get back home, and we're low on bleedin' ammo. How're your metal reserves, mate? Got enough to build somethin'?" Engineer looked into his small bag that somehow managed to summon toolboxes, and large amounts of steel on demand. The bag was still at least three quarters full. "I got 'bout enough to erect a Dispenser." Engi nodded. Sniper grinned. "Good one, mate." smiled the Australian, bumping a fist onto the Texan's shoulder. "Thank the queen for that, then. Let's get to it!" Engi immediately drew the small PDA from his pocket, pressed the small red switch on the top, and looked over the buttons. From years of performing the ritual, especially to shut Soldier up when he was in Trolldier mode, his finger clacked out 'B43'. Almost instantly, he slipped the device into his pocket once more, and clutched the suddenly appeared toolbox. Though he'd been doing it for years, Engi still couldn't get used to how rapidly a small calculator-sized device could summon a toolbox full of steel, glass, and lights. Sniper was smiling as well; now they were in buisness. From the metal gathered from this device, they could make bullet and missile spewing turrets, and possibly a way home. Sniper didn't want to stay in this 'Equestria' for long, especially since they didn't know a hunter when they saw one. "Where'd ya think this should go?" Engineer asked, arms wrapping easily around the toolbox as he looked for somewhere to set it down. "Middle o' the floor?" "Yeah." Sniper chuckled. Engineer did so; dropping the toolbox quite casually on the floor amidst the other pieces of machinery. Slowly, the small box began to construct itself, speeding up when Engi smacked it with his Jag. The loud ding sounds echoed through the library, all the way up to where a certain Princess was sleeping. ------------------------------------------------- "...but Princess, you know the public will find out!" "Shush, Crimson Quill, and keep ruttin- Twilight's dream about her new assistant was interuppted by the sound of something metal hitting metal. Slowly, she fluttered her eyes open, and checked the foot of the bed. "It must be Spike..." she groaned, rubbing a hoof through her mane. "Not like him to wake up at 3:00 to do his chores, though..." Looking to the foot of the bed, she saw the small dragon sleeping in his basket under the blankets, snoring peacefully. Smiling, Twilight leaned back to g- Wait. Princess Twilight immediately jumped up, throwing the blankets across the room as she scrambled on her hooves in a frantic rush to get downstairs to the basement. The stairs clomped loudly as the alicorn ran down, slid in the library central room, before practically smashing the door to the basement down. To her horror, she saw the two humans... ...next to a new machine, the Engineer doing some form of dance on top of it whilst the Sniper laughed along. Twilight was speechless. Cautiously, she approached the two men. "What...is this...?" she asked slowly. "This is mah dispenser!" Engineer replied, still dancing. "It gives us bullets, keeps us goin', and ah built it!" "Yeah!" Sniper grinned, putting his 'thumbs' up. "Well, it's 3 in the morning, and you're building a machine that looks like you spent months building!" Twilight groaned, facehoofing. "You could have waited until tomo-later to do it." "Nope." Engineer replied, climbing down from his contraption and whacking a wrench into his ungloved hand. "And anyway, wasn't your Princess s'pposed to come here and look at us?" "Yes, and I cannot stress this enough, later." Twilight groaned, facehoofing again. "You don't want to be tired for that, do you?" "I've tracked animals for 240 hours straight, with no sleep, Shiela." Sniper cut in. "I think I can 'andle a few hours without it." "Fine, fine, just...be less noisy, alright? I know you're excited..." "Nope." "...and curious..." "Nah." "...and possibly hungry..." "Heck yeah!" Twilight froze at Engineer's comment. They're hungry? But...what do they eat? I should ask. "OK...so you two haven't eaten for a while?" she asked. "What do you eat, anyway?" "Meat, beers, bread, vegetables, fruits, coffee, them things, Shiela." Sniper replied. "You eat meat?" Twilight gulped. "Not gemstones like Spike?" "Why would we eat rocks?" Engineer asked. "We're campers, not miners. And who's Spike?" "You'll meet him later." Twilight muttered, before stepping aside to reveal the staircase leading upstairs. "But would you like something to eat? I should have asked earlier, but..." "Yeah, thanks." Sniper cut her off. The Australian unslung his rifle, knife, and Razorback, removed his hat and jacket, before leaving them on top of the dispenser. The constant stream of supplies would mean both should be running at maximum efficiency when he returned. Patting the dust, blood, and wood shaving from on his hands to his trousers, Sniper nodded and moved upstairs. The doorway at the top was barely big enough to accomodate him with his hat, so he passed through with relative ease. Engineer followed suit, removing his hard-hat and nothing else, before going at a relatively brisk pace to catch up to his friend. Once she was sure they were gone, Twilight's curiosity got the better of her. Carefully, she picked up the knife with magic, and gave it an idle twirl. Quietly, she murmured to herself. "Metal...over 20 years old..." she whispered, narrowing her eyes at the blade. "Covered in blood...now let's see about his hat..." Suddenly, there was a sound from in the darkened room. Taptap. Chugging. Thinking she must have left a machine on, Twilight carefully replaced the knife in its sheath and began to look around the room. She could barely see much with the light. Although it was a brilliant light, it couldn't defy physics. Behind the machines she couldn't see anything, but she was assertive she could make out a shaking object with two blue lights. Huh... she thought, cautiously approaching the object, Don't remember a machine that does that... Once she had reached a 'safe' distance, Twilight illuminated her horn with a purple aura, as she usually would to investigate an object. However, it was gone. "What?" she said aloud, frantically looking around to see where it may have gone. Wsssssh... "Gentlemen? Ohohohoho." Taptap. ------------------------------------------------- "Demopan?" asked the Demo-Bot again to Sniper-Bot. "Yeah, OK." replied Sniper, nodding and remaining zoomed in. His AI had developed significantly to deal with his new companion; just reply 'Yeah, OK' to all his questions and he'd shut up for 20 minutes. Now was the time for silence, especially since they could be detected at any moment. He had his sights set on a large Carousel-like building, with multiple statues representing horses decorating the rather feminine building. He had watched the albaster unicorn walk in there earlier, and he assumed she could help them go home. Demopan had no idea why he was holding Sniper on his shoulders, or why they, and several hundred Spycrabs were in the sewers and stalking a unicorn, but he didn't care. Sniper had agreed that Demopan would initiate first contact with all of the horses, so he was fine with it. If only the Spycrabs would stop agreeing with each other agreeing with each other. "But of course. Ohohohoho." "Yes. Ohohohoho." "Excellent. Ohohohoho." ------------------------------------------------- "Fatso back home would be lovin' this." Sniper chuckled as he buttered some bread. "You bet." Engineer replied. He had taken his glove off, so as not to get blood in his food, but his Gunslinger had racked up a good few thousand kills, so there'd be blood in it anyway. Not as much as there would be if he'd have kept his glove on. "Hey, where'd that Twilight horsey go?" ------------------------------------------------- "J-Just don't hurt me..." Twilight pleaded the machine. It was standing in a rather menacing manner, tapping its hands together above its head as it squatted and scuttled slowly around the room, staring at nothing. It had, strangely enough, a robotic Griffonian accent, even though the creator had to have been human. So how did they know about Griffonia? "This will be the last time you see me. Ohohohoho." replied the machine. It was walking with clear purpose around the room, scanning the machines for Intel. "Well...c-can I go upstairs?" Twilight asked. The robot was now walking into a wall. "But of course. Ohohohoho." Not taking any chances, Twilight ran upstairs to inform the Princess. ------------------------------------------------- Dear Princess Celestia, There is now a strange machine resembling the humans stalking aimlessly around my basement. It isn't doing anything, and last time I saw it was walking into a wall, so it shouldn't be a threat for your visit tomorrow. But the humans don't know about it, and I'm unsure how they'll respond to each other, so I shall keep you updated. Twilight Sparkle. (P.S: I have named this new creature the 'Crab-bot', since he resembles a crab.)