//------------------------------// // Chapter Six- Homecoming // Story: STAR TREK: EQUESTRIA // by Alicorne //------------------------------// CHAPTER SIX HOMECOMING Alicorne Keep was… an experience! Every day was a new day trip. Sometimes into the town, sometimes over to ‘The Continent’, and sometimes just to the forests of The Mountain itself. Places that don’t get mentioned in any guidebook everything from a Stable from the Eugenics Wars in southwest Bittian to a rustic inn in Roamania to a glorious lilac filled glen just north of the Keep itself. More often than not we traveled with one or more of Sunnys numerous and delightfully quirky family members as a guide. (I never suspected the Byrish language had so many variants!) We nearly always were home for dinner, served promptly at six o’clock, for good, solid, simple food served piping hot in a surprisingly homey atmosphere. I had half-imagined Everypony sitting around a huge table with stiff, silent servants whisking course after course away with priceless China and sparkling crystal dishes. While there was a big table involved, the reality of it was that it was oval. Amber Rose sat at one end and Sunny and I sat on his left. Like on the yacht, the servants were like old friends who enthusiastically brought in the food extolling its virtues and exchanging bits of gossip with the Llaird or Sunny. It was clear that I was a Cherished Guest and it took me a while to get used to having all that attention paid to me. Eventually, though, I unbent enough to really enjoy myself. We joked and laughed or enjoyed a good talk at every meal. It was very informal. Amber Rose himself seemed to enjoy having a beer with his dinner, (Real beer, not that thin, gassy, cold stuff from Neighmerica, dark and foamy with just enough apple in it to give it a good bite, yum!) and eating with his elbows on the table. Every night we all retired to the Library for more beer or cider to hear the stories about all the knickknacks on display there or listening while other Family members caught Amber Rose and Sunny up on the doings of their relatives. I would have been happy to stay there forever. The only fly in the oatmeal was my desire to get Amber Rose alone to ask for his daughter’s hoof. My chance came about a week and a half into our stay. I was getting, by then, a little frantic. My plan ‘B’ was to bring the subject up after dinner when it was just the three of us. As luck would have it, though, there was always some other visiting relative around. There finally came a day, though, when Sunny wanted to go on (Yet another!) shopping trip somewhere in Prance, I think. I begged off and shooed her along, trying not to seem conspiratorial about it. She gave me a long look, knowing something was up but not wanting to press me about it. She promised to bring back ‘something nice’ (Sunny delights in finding new lingerie to model both for herself and for me… since I won’t get anything on my own!) to show me later. She gathered up a few second cousins (It’s no fun shopping alone!) and was on her way. A few minutes later I made my way to the Library and peeked inside. The Library was Amber Rose’s favorite haunt. If he wasn’t busy elsewhere I knew I could always find him there. Sure enough, he was standing in front of the bay window that let out onto the sprawling garden beyond. He’d filled his ever-present pipe but hadn’t lit it yet, gazing at a sculpture in a corner of the flowerbeds. It was an Alicorn Mare done in dazzling alabaster, the same mare that graced the oil painting above the fireplace. From the painting I knew she had silver-grey coat, a luxurious, golden mane and an elegant silver horn. From Sunny I knew that is was her mother, Amalthea, and that she had died ‘long ago’. From the way the Old Unicorn’s gaze lingered upon her image hundreds of times a day I knew he loved her very much. I wondered what she would think about what I came to ask… Everything in The Keep was in excellent shape and the door made barely a noise when it opened but Amber Rose heard it nonetheless. His head turned just enough to catch me with one eye. He popped his pipe into the side of his mouth with one hoof and put the other one behind his back. “Nah then, Starry-me-lass! Come along in.” He tried to look over my shoulder. “Is Solar no wi’ ye?” I exhaled and steeled myself. “No. She’s gone off shopping somewhere.” I paused and fought an impulse to swallow nervously. “I was wondering if you could spare a moment?” He fired up his horn and a gleaming, golden spark arced away from and made an expert landing in the bowl and brought his pipe to life. He regarded me through the smoke with a quiet smile at the corners of his muzzle. “Sure n’ fer yerself I kin spare whole minutes!” He guided me to a comfy chair next to his own favorite one. Along the way he reached behind and extracted from the bar a heavy, stoneware bottle with an elaborate bail-and-stopper. It bore no label, rather it had a sort of bas-relief of a Unicorn head in profile. He snagged a couple of heavy, crystal glasses and deposited the lot on the little table between the chairs. He sank into the cushions, snagged a footstool with one hoof and dragged it up. He removed his pipe and scratched his nose with the pipe stem and regarded me brightly. “Nah then, Starry. …What’s on yer mind?” I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat. I’d rehearsed a dozen ways to say it but in the end I couldn’t remember any of them. I wiped my suddenly sweaty palms on my knees and caught the Old Unicorns eyes. The Pony on the Bridge in my head braced herself against the Helm console as I forged ahead. “Amber Rose. …Lord Alicorne.” I took a deep breath. “I want to marry your daughter.” I held his gaze, never flinching. “May I?” He didn’t reply at first. He only puffed in silence, the smoke dribbling vertically out from around the pipe stem to gather in swirling layers above his horn. Something closed off his expression. The sparkling bonhomie that dwelt there faded away and those enigmatic violet eyes went flat and neutral. The grin that lurked on his lips vanished. He didn’t frown or scowl (I hoped that was a good sign!) he just regarded me steadily. …I had the uncomfortable feeling that I was sitting in his gun sights! “Is that so, then?” He said quietly. “An’ whose idea is this? Yours or ma daughters?” He waited for a reply while the ornate grandfathers clock at the back of the room ‘tock-tocked’ solemnly. I kept my gaze locked with his and made my reply. “The marriage is a mutual idea, but I wanted to get your permission first. I …wanted to be sure that all of her family would support her in this.” “…Ye’re worried aboot Solar’s reputation if she married an …Augment, are ye not?” His eyes narrowed fractionally and the smoke began to jet out of his mouth with each soft breath. I went cold at that but refused to look away. “Yeah …something like that.” “An Augment, a ‘Superpony’ …wants t’ marry ma daughter? An’ ye’re lookin’ fer me blessing?” He slowly steepled his fingers and cocked his head ever-so-slightly. The damning thing was that, if the positions were reversed, I’d be reluctant, too. Sure, we could elope. …But I didn’t want Sunny to lose her Family in the process. I couldn’t do that to her. I said the only thing I could think of. “I love her, Lord Alicorne. And she loves me. I just want to do …the honorable thing by her and hers.” That seemed to give him pause. “Well, there’re none who’d fault ye fer yer intentions. Tell me, though. …What if Ah were t’ say ‘no’?” “…Don’t make me make that choice, Lord Alicorne. …Please.” I’ve never pleaded for anything in my life before. And only for Sunny will I. I didn’t have the mystic megawatts in my eyes that Sunny did, but I poured my heart into them toward Amber Rose. “Ah. Th’ ‘honorable thing‘again, innit?” His eyes strayed to the portrait over the fireplace and a sparkle of …something… stole into those violet eyes. He seemed to draw strength, or resolve, from the image. His eyes came back to mine with more than a ghost of their former benevolence. I realized, suddenly, that I’d been holding my breath. Amber Rose took his pipe out and scratched the top of his nose with the stem before continuing. “Ye ken, Ah always tried t’ raise ma little Solar right. T’ do th’ right thing. …N’ Ah’m gittin th’ uncomfortable feelin’ that Solar’s no been doin’ th’ honorable thing in regards t’ yerself.” He replaced his pipe deliberately and looked at me with what I can only describe as guarded sheepishness. The clock impassively ‘bonged’ the half-hour. For my part I was completely taken aback. “I …don’t understand.” A sudden thought struck me like a photon torpedo. “Wait! Are you saying that she’s already married!?” Amber Rose choked on his smoke! He waved his hands dismissively until he recovered from his coughing fit. “Nay! Nay! Great Solar-Flarin’ Celestia! Whatever made ye jump t’ that conclusion?” He recovered his aplomb after a moment and continued. “How old d’ye ken ma Solar t’ be?” The Little Mare in my mind sat back in her Command Chair utterly perplexed! The confusion was passed straight along to me. Just then it occurred to me that Sunny had been coyly evasive about her age. I always figured that she was about my own age … maybe just a couple of years younger. Still …I wasn’t by any means a perfect judge of age among Alicorns. Hell, I’d only been on this planet a few weeks! She could be flighty, naïve about some of the baser aspects of other Ponies, impulsive, and sometimes downright immature in her reasoning… A second torpedo hit home and I sat bolt upright, blushing! “Hol-lee Luna! She’s underaged?!” Oh this was going to look sooo good on my Service Record…! Amber Rose sighed, shut his eyes, and silently worked his pipe from one side of his mouth to the other. …I think he was quietly counting to ten. He eventually opened them and regarded me patiently. “Fer a Scientist ye tend t’ be more thin a wee bit o’ a pessimist, Lass! Now take a deep breath r’ two an’ calm yerself doon a bit.” He waited a few seconds, watching me closely. “Na then. Come October, Solar will be celebratin’ her two-hundreth n' twenty-ninth birthday. Ah’m not jestin’ nor jokin’.” …The little Mare on the Bridge was frowning at her readouts. I blinked a couple times slowly, trying to make sense out of the turn of conversational events. I finally had to admit, “I …don’t understand. Sunny is two hundred and twenty-nine years old?” “In October.” “OK! Two hundred and twenty-eight then!” I winced and rubbed my forehead, closing my eyes. I sighed heavily and glared back at Amber Rose crossly. “Look! I didn’t just fall off the ore cart you know. If Sunny, er, Solar is two hundred and twenty-nine…” “Two twenty eight, till October. ‘ Tis all in the facts, ye ken.” I bit back a colorfully obscene remark with a real effort, reeling with a sudden burst of anger that almost immediately melted away into heartbreaking grief. I couldn’t speak for several anguished seconds. Finally, I turned to look at Amber Rose with hot tears dimming my vision. “Why are you doing this?” I asked quietly, damning the quaver in my voice. “Because I’m an …Augment? If I’m not good enough for Solar then just say so! But don’t cook up some idiotic cock-and-bull story about her to insult my intelligence…” Amber Rose yanked his pipe out and stabbed the stem at me. His voice was quiet as ever but his horn burst into brilliance with the force of his emotion. “Hoosh!” He sat up and leaned forward and got right up into my face close enough that I could smell his cologne. “Now listen, Lassie! Ah. Never. Joke. Aboot. Anythin’. Concernin’. Me. Little. Filly. Ye ken?” He locked eyes with me sternly while a golden nimbus of light pulled open a drawer of the side table and extracted a slim rectangle of plastic and artificial sapphire. I recognized it as an expensive padd. He jammed his pipe back into his mouth and puffed energetically. He released my eyes and bent over the device and began poking at it rapidly with both forefingers as I sat, confused, heartbroken, and angry. I hated myself for doing it, but I sniffed and dabbled the tears from my eyes. Amber Rose paused and looked up from what he was doing. The Old Villain had the decency to look regretful at least. He worked his pipe over to the other side of his mouth and plucked a yellow-and-white hanky from his sleeve. He offered it to me and I turned away from him in sheer spite. Something soft settled onto my knee. “Here ye go, Lass.” He said gently. “…I’m no th’ monster ye ken Ah am. There’s summat ye ought t’ ken afore ye ask fer ma daughter’s hoof. Summat ye ought t’ have been told by now, Ah might add! If Ah’m angry wi’ anypony Ah’m angry wi’ young Solar. Yon filly desairves t’ hae her backside warmed up, she does.” His voice had become distracted. Whatever he was accessing was taking up his attention. “Na then!” He said triumphantly. “As Ah said afore, ‘tis all in th’ facts. Aye, well, here’re th’ facts!” I turned back to him timidly. My eyes fell on the hanky draped over my knee and I took it up and dried my tears and blew my nose just like a little filly, damnit! Amber Rose held the padd out to me. He’d accessed a database. More specifically, he’d called up a copy of a Birth Record from ‘Saint Amber’s Hospital’ for one Solar Cross Amalthea Alicorne born October 15th… 1988! I don’t know how long I stared at it. Eventually I just looked at Amber Rose. “Family Archives. Ye have Starfleet access. Check wi’ St. Amber’s yerself. Th’ buildin’ was bombed t’ bits durin’ th’ War, mind, but they still hae their records backed up elsewhere. Ah’ll authorize it.” He sat back again emptied the ash from his pipe, tapping it on the edge of a crystal ashtray with a bonging sound that mimicked tha ancient clock along the wall. He drew up a jar of tobacco and filled it again, this time he lit it with a brilliant spark from his horn. He puffed quietly, waiting for me to say… something. I did try to say something, but my throat had gone dry. I swallowed and tried again. “OK. I’ll check this later. Assuming this is real…” He grinned around his pipe stem. “ …How could it be?” Amber Rose puffed a few more times while the clock tocked on. “How long do Alicorns live, Lass? T’ be sure there’s Alicorn blood in me veins. Me ever-so-great Granny was an Alicorn name o’ Cadence. Th’ Superponies wanted th’ ‘Immortality Gene’ ,as they called it, fer themselves. No Alicorn would give it t’ them. …They were less than happy wi’ that.“ Then, “Solar… Sunny… never told ye how her Mother died, did she?” I numbly shook my head. “Let me tell ye a wee story then. It was th’ Winter o’ ‘91. Nineteen Ninety-One, ye ken. That bastard Khan n’ th’ psychopath Colonel Green gathered up their Superpony cronies n’ declared that only th’ ‘Genetically Superior, Optimal,’ Ponies were fit t’ rule th’ world. Th’ rest o’ us, Unicorns, Pegasai, Earth Ponies,’ th’ Alicorns, Dragons, an’ whatnot were t’ be ‘reconstructed’ (Aye! There were some that took ‘em up on that. Fer genetic ‘modification’. None o’ yon were ever seen again! Summat th’ History Books dinna mention any more, eh?) …or exterminated. We were less than animals to that lot, ye ken.” I stirred, about to protest, but Amber Rose bade me settle down. “Ah ken, Ah ken! Terra Three had launched th’ year before. How they vilified yer Forebears for that! They hated them worse than us fer they were ‘traitors’, ye ken.! (I started! I had no idea of that. We were out of contact with all of Earth but nothing in the databases even hinted that the Colonists were at odds with the Augments that stayed Behind.) Anyroad, ye kin imagine that yon didnae sit well wi’ th’ rest o’ us. …I was Colonel Alicorne then, o’ th’ Royal Infantry. (Ma Cousin, th’ Alicorn Queen Beryl, was th’ Queen o’ Th’ Realm then, ye ken.) Th’ United Pastures declared War an’ we were bein’ deployed t’ Zebrica t’ contain th’ Cadre forces there. Ah’d boarded, wi’ me troops, submarine transport at Southstampton docks. It was seven o’clock in th’ mornin’, ma Amalthea had come t’ see me off. Little Sunny was in Coventry wi’ ma Sister sound asleep. She was only a wee thing o’ three.” His gaze wandered back to the portrait over the mantle and puffed in silence a few moments. It was a family portrait done, I suddenly realized, in this very room. I recognized the window and the clock. A scarcely-changed Amber Rose stood next to the statuesque Amalthea who had one wing curled around him. In the crook of her arm she carried a tiny foal that lay clutching a dolly. Their smiles were a light that shone from a different world… “We weren’t barely underway. Maybe a hundred, hundred-twenty feet down when all th’ lights went out. Most o’ the emergency lights came on an’ there were any number o’ electrical fires. Ah didn’ have t’ be Sailor t’ ken that summat was badly out o’ whack! Th’ Exec ordered Emergency Surface but th’ Captain held us at periscope depth. After a bit he let me look… Amalthea n’ all th’ other wives n’ lovers were standin’ on another pier, wavin’ us farewell. There was a light rain that mornin’ an’ she was soaked through. They all were. Oh, Celestia! How th’ dress clung t’ her wet body! Th’ hardest thing Ah did in me life till then was t’ go into sub.” Amber Rose tried in vain to catch his wife’s eye in the portrait. How many times had he tried over the years? The greatest part of his tears had been shed long, long ago but there was a bright glimmer in his gaze as he tried again… “When Ah looked it was dark. Dark as night. Yet there was light o‘a sort. Where she stood… where they all stood… was glowin’ slag. No buildins’ just… junk lyin’ ‘round lookin’ burnt n’ dusty. Beyond was smoke as far as eye could see. All of it, a braw, great brown wall rushin’ straight up into th’ black, black sky. Green Witchfire danced on th’ waters n’ th’ wreckage. Twenty. Megatons. O’ Balefire. Afterwards Ah heard that there was three whole minuets warnin’. What must’ve it been like for her? Where was there t’ go?” He ground his teeth slowly. “In twenty hours three out o’ five Ponies in all th’ World died. Th’ Superponies had declared Total War, ye ken. What th’ Balefire didna kill the Radiologic, Biologic, n’ Mutagenic weapons ravaged. We did unto them th’ same way. In Neighmerica n’ th’ United Kingdoms there’d been underground Stables made. A hundred thousand or so made it inside. Th’ rest o’ us fought on.” The old Unicorn tore his gaze away and rubbed each eye with a thumb before looking at me again. “There’s many who tell us Th’ Goddesses went away long ago t’ leave us t’ ourselves after bestowin’ th’ Last Gift.” He took his pipe out of his mouth for a moment and regarded the hoof that held it. “But if They were gone, who kept th’ rest alive? Aye, too many innocent Ponies died but it was naught short o’ a miracle that any lived. There was a Divine Wing somewhere that sheltered th’ survivors an’ Ah’m grateful fer it every day that ma Sunny lived.” Amber Rose shook himself, ridding himself of clinging nightmares, and picked up his story. “Ah lived on an’ fought. Ye’ve fought Romulan ships, but I killed Superponies, robots, mutants, n’ half-starved, disease-ridden, wretches who wanted our food n’ water n’ guns. Ah killed Ponies that, if we had th’ resources, we might’ve saved. They were th’ worst of all. Ye have no idea, no idea at all o’ Total War.” I held my peace. True, no Pony had ever met a Romulan muzzle-to-muzzle. But Starfleet ground troops did go hoof-to-hoof alongside their allies and I’d been part of many landing parties helping to set up refugee camps. I’d been forced to fire on rioting civilians as well as looters and gangs of raiders more often than I ever wanted. …But I never lost what Amber Rose did, or seen what he had seen. At least we didn’t fight our enemies on Earth. “My entire life,” He went on, “was devoted t’ getting’ just five minutes alone wi’ the arch-bastard Khan. I was a General in 1995 (Easy t’ advance in th’ ranks wi’ so many Ponies dead!) when we broke th’ Superponies n’ drove in on their last strongholds. I fought alongside me troops n’t’ Hell wi’ Military Protocols! Ah wanted him dead by ma hooves, Lass. Not just dead, Ah was gonna skin th’ bugger n’ make him into a rug in front o’ me loo. I would’ve dribbled on him every blessed day n’ used his tail as a toilet brush!” He jetted smoke like a Dragon. “We watched th’ shuttle take off when he rendezvoused wi’ th’ Sleeper Ship in ‘95. Do yer histories tell o’ how he broke orbit usin’ Main Drive? Sprayed half o’ Zebrica wi’ hard radiation out o’ spite! …So Ah never got ma revenge for ma Amalthea. Ah’ll no be happy till somepony finds his desiccated corpse in space. Now yon is a mission fer yer Starfleet!” He pulled on his pipe but it was empty . He began filling it again. There were a lot of clever, or more tactful, things I might have said then. Instead, “You were going to kill Khan in single combat? Wow.” He gave me wicked look from under his bushy brows. “N’ why no? Even a Manticore’ll go doon if ye put a few kilowatts o’ plasma in him or even a foot or two o’ good Alicorn steel. Make no mistake, Lassie, if Ah could but have put me hooves on Khan, he’d a been a-choking on his own black blood.” He stuffed his pipe and his horn flared again. A golden spark gleamed in the bowl and smoke jetted out of his nostrils. He fixed me with his eyes again. “D’ye ken ye could take me, Lass?” I had over two hundred pounds on him as well as Starfleet close combat training. My reflexes, strength, and stamina were designed to be far superior to his own… but I wouldn’t have come near him in a fight if he had both hooves tied behind his back and was embedded in a bucket of ferrocrete! I cleared my throat delicately. “Point taken.” He chuckled. I forged on. “So… what are your views on Khan’s relatives. We’re all metal from the same furnace.” He stopped puffing for a second or so and his bushy, golden eyebrows contracted as she scrutinized me. Long moments passed as the clock tocked solemnly… He exhaled a breath of smoke, almost liquid in its thickness, directly at me. End on, it looked alarmingly like those devastating sublight plasma bursts the Romulans fielded against us. An arm’s length away I puffed a breath of air at it and it swirled upon itself and came apart. (Would that the real ones could have been fended off so easily!) The Old Unicorn stirred in his chair… “Aye…’metal’s’ th’ right word. There’s steel in ye, Lass. Yer an Earth Pony t’ yer core.” He paused and his expression softened a bit. The scowl born of the Eugenics War left his face and an element of sheepishness peered out from around the borders. “Yon was long, long ago. Still hurts. Ah canna forget. Ever. But these days there’s naught fer me t’ forgive, ’tis there? In th’ end we all must take folk on a Pony-by-Pony basis, eh? Anyroad…”He relaxed in his chair once again. “ Ma Sunny thinks th’ world o’ ye and Ah like t’ think th’ Little Filly’s inherited th’ Old Stallions’ knack fer bein’ a good judge o’ Pony character.” The grin I thought I‘d never see again quirked his lips. “Welcome t’ Family, Starry-ma-Dear.” He rubbed his nose with the pipe stem again with an improbably innocent expression on his face. “…Ah daresay Sunny’ll be relieved. Ye were cutting’ it mighty close, Lass. We were beginning’ t’ think ye’d never ask!” …And the jolts just kept coming! “Wait, what?” I looked at Amber Rose who only laughed silently around his pipe. I facehoofed and groaned. “Who else knows?” Amber Rose reveled in his glee. “Well the Postmare n’ th’ Milkpony r’ out o’ th’ loop… Ah think! Sairtanly nopony outside o’ Family knew, which means everypony inside th’ Keep did! Ah’m no supposed t’ let on, but th’ Staff had a bit o’ a pool goin’. Ye’ve made th’ Cook an hundred credits richer!” He blew a few expert smoke rings. “For th’ record, Ah didna place bet. Wouldna been ethical, ye ken.” He hooted quietly to himself while I sat there feeling like a chump. “Och, now! Dinnae be so glum, Lass! Yer too honest n’ open t’ be sly n’ sneaky-like. May ye never change! Come along, then! Let’s have a wee drink t’ celebrate!” His Magic undid the bail and stopper and the stoneware bottle decanted a few inches of a golden-amber liquid into each of the heavy glasses. I eyed the stuff curiously. He reached over and handed me one. “’Tis ‘Auld Hornsgleam’, Lassie. Good Byrish uskebaugh, what th’ Neighmericans call ‘whiskey’. Ye sip it now, ye dinna toss it back like some Appleoosan cowpony!” He demonstrated, pouring a quarter-inch of the stuff into his mouth and swirling it ‘round reverently before swallowing. He smacked his lips in utter delight. “Ahhh! Mother’s milk! Ninety years old if ‘tis a day. Bet ye never had th’ like back in th’ Colony, eh?” I raised the glass and took a cautious sniff. Like I said, we’re a beer and cider crowd on Equestris. During the War I’d sampled a lot of stuff from Engine Room Hooch to exotic liquors from a double-dozen other worlds. My Augmented physiology kept me from any permanent harm but I never really got a taste for the hard stuff. I was dubious… but the stuff smelled appley enough with an oddly enticing smoky, woody sort of tang to it. I inwardly shrugged and had a sip. No harm in being polite… The stuff seemed to evaporate as soon as it hit my tongue! My sinuses rocked with the strong but not unpleasant flavor. I gasped in surprise and I felt a soothing coolness go deep into my lungs… “…Wow!” Amber Rose chuckled and drank some more. “Aye, well ye see what Ah mean then!” He settled back into his chair then and put his hooves back up on the stool. “Na then! We’ve a good bit o’ time afore Sunny gets back. What d’ye say we sit n’ swap lies n’ stories, eh?” I took a bigger drink, enough to make sure enough remained to be actually swallowed this time. I sat back in my own chair, more utterly relaxed than I’d ever been this particular morning. “That sounds like a great idea. …Lord Alicorne. Thanks, …for everything.” The Old Unicorn snorted smoke and waved a hoof dismissively. “Na then! Call me ‘Amber Rose’ or, better yet, ‘Amber’ , Lass. In a few days ye’ll be callin’ me ‘Daddy’ if ye’d like, eh?” He smiled warmly. “Lemme tell ye ‘bout ma wee Solar Cross Amalthea…” …But he would always be Amber Rose to me ever afterwards, more a good, dear friend than an in-law. Of course, we had our differences but they only brought us closer. It may have been the uskebaugh, but I always felt that, for this last old soldier, the Eugenics War ended that morning… How could you not love a Family like that? We talked the rest of the morning and the bulk of the afternoon away, Amber Rose telling me tales of things and places I’ve never even heard of (And, I’m sure, never showed up in ’official’ databases!) while I regaled him with the events of Equestris Colony and the rest of my family. Whenever my glass got down to less than a splash he filled it again… and again and again. Somewhere in there a light lunch, sandwiches and finger food, were brought in and duly consumed… with more uskebaugh, of course! Eventually I was sprawled bonelessly in my chair. I don’t remember doing it, but my own hooves were propped on a stool as I sat there wrapped in a cozy, warm blanket of glorious inebriation. We both were grinning like fools. Amber Rose’s muzzle was flushed pink and his pipe drooped carelessly when it wasn’t bobbing up and down when he spoke. Eventually he heaved a great, contented sigh. “Lasshie, Ah do believe that we… have become schtuperously… drunk!” He observed brightly. My arms, like the rest of me, felt like they were being operated by remote control. I watched my arm raise my glass. “Schtuperously!” I agreed, and giggled. The Little Mare in my head frowned at her readouts… and giggled, too! The Old Reprobate giggled as well, nearly losing his pipe in the process. Reaching over, he picked up the bottle and shook it. “Well thin! Only a wee bit t’ go in here.” He blinked at it blearily, apparently forgetting where he was going with this, then, “Och! We may as well… finish it off, eh? ‘Tis th’ decent thing t’ do t’ put this poor ol’ soldier out o’ his misery.” Solemnly he weaved his way over and managed to fill my glass to brimming, spilling just a little and making us both hoot and cackle like loons! He topped off his own then tilted the bottle to his lips and poured in what was left, causing him to plop backwards into his chair prompting another round of inebriated hilarity. For the record, he never lost a drop! The bottle ended up on the floor next to him, the deep carpeting alone keeping it from shattering. “Hey, Am…bosh! Ambross…Amber!” “Eh?” The Lord of the Alicorne tried to focus in my direction. “… I’m drunk!” I broke up, slain by my own wit! Amber Rose hooted and pounded his knee. Wow, I was funny! I waved my free hand wildly. “Thass… thash…Waitaminnet!” I took a breath and plowed on. “Wha I wanted to know is…uh… oh, yeah! How do you keep from catching on fire drinking this stuff, anyway? Thish schtuff is practically hyperglok…hypergolk… hypergolic!” I collapsed into my chair exhausted at that effort at coherency… and giggled! He drew himself up proudly and intended to wave a hoof dismissively… and ended up looking like he was fending off an angry bee! “Oh, dinna fash yesel’ ‘bout me, ma bonnie Lash! Ah’ve had years n’ years n’ years n’ years n’ years o’ ‘sperience!” To demonstrate he dug his pipe into the jar and jammed a careless wad of tobacco in with his thumb. He brought it back up with festoons of the stuff hanging over the sides and put it carefully in the center of his mouth. Squinting cross-eyed at it, he fired up his horn. A gleaming, golden spark leapt off it and swirled around, diving at and missed the bowl again and again, finally landing on target. He puffed it alight quickly and beamed! “Aye! Y’ see? Second nature t’ me! Easy as fallin’ off log!” He accepted my boozy cheers gracefully, then cussed as a few glowing sparks landed in his lap. We were still laughing about that when the door behind up popped open. Sunny sailed into the room. “Here you are! Why would ye be a-shuttin’ yourselves in on such a glorious day, I’ll never know. …” She stopped dead and gaped when she saw her Father grinning and blinking at her. I waved and patted my lap. “Hey, Sunny! Have a seat!” “Oh, Daddy! How could you?” “Tut, tut, lil’ Filly!” Amber Rose strove to look dignified, an effect that was spoiled as a stray lock of his mane fell into his eyes. The Old Hero rose to his hooves with nary a hitch… though he did sway a little when he got there. “Starry n’ Ah have been have bin havin’ oursels a grand bit o’ a talk while ye were out, fine, bonnie Lass that she is! Come mornin’, whin she’s feelin’ up t’ it, she’ll have summat t’ ask o’ ye.” He gestured his daughter to come closer and, after a couple of tries, laid a forefinger alongside his nose and stage-whispered conspiratorially, “I s’pect ye’ll be pleased t’ hear what, eh?” He straightened up with and efforts, staggering back half a pace. He tugged at the bottom of his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles and dislodged the stray ash and tobacco there. “As fer mesel’…” He declared. “Ah could do wi’ a wee bit o’ fresh air n’ stretch me legs. Ah have news t’ pass along t’ Cook, anyroad. N’ there’re plans t’ be made! Leave it t’ Daddy, m’ Dear!” Missing her cheek, he gave Sunny a peck on her ear. He stood up again, facing away from me. “Starry? Where’d ye get to, Lass?” “Here!” I caroled, waving! “Ah! There y’ are! Ye shouldnae be scootin’ ‘round like that in yer condition, ye ken” He took a couple unsteady steps over and bent to kiss the top of my head, causing me to break out in two hundred proof tears. “Ah’ll be a-leavin’ ye t’ Sunny’s tender mercies, thin. Ah have work t’ do!” He took a deep breath, threw out his chest and weaved his way to the Library door, reaching out for the knob right about the time he banged into it. He ‘harrumphed’ in an annoyed way and exited, Sunny glaring daggers at him all the way. I, unfortunately, chose that moment to giggle again. “Your Dad’s a great guy! I wish he could meet my Daddy. I think they’d hit it off!” “Feh!” Sunny snorted. “Daddy n’ his bloody firewater! Oh, Starry, look at you! Ye’re a mess! Honestly! Come along, let’s get you t’ bed!” “Whoopee! Let’s go!” The Mare in my head wobbled over to the con and started pushing buttons and frowned when nothing happened… “Uh-oh!” I said quietly. “What?” Sunny asked sharply. “Ye’re no goin’ t’ be sick, are ye?” She scrambled to fetch a wastebasket. “No… nothing like that. Gimme a minute…” I tried to get up, the Mare in my head trying her console again. She gave it a thump and shrugged. Wobbling back to the Command Chair, she plopped down and composed herself for a nap. “I, uh… can’t move. Wow. …What’s in this stuff, dilithium?” Sunny facehoofed. “Celestia n’ Luna gi’ me strength!” She drew a breath and shouted, “Nutmeg! Heather! Anypony!” I winced. The door opened almost immediately and Nutmeg, the mauve-and-yellow Unicorn who saw to our rooms bustled in closely followed by a younger Filly whose name I couldn’t recall. “Lend us a hand here, please. Och, an’ spread th’ word that ‘th’ Master’, “She fairly spat the term. “ Is in his cups again. Have Cedric lock up th’ garage ‘fore th’ Ol’ Bloody Bugger does somepony a mischief!” “All took care of, Mum! Which we’ve been a-watchin’ since the two of ‘em sat down. He’s in his office a-makin’ calls n’such. I had a nice pot o’ strong tea sent in wi’ him. He’s seems t’ be mighty pleased aboot summat. Eeee, I’m a-thinkin’ she finally asked n’ he said ‘yes’! We’re so happy!” “…I’m right here!” I muttered grumpily around a numb tongue. “’Course ye are, Ducks! There now!” Nutmeg patted my head. I was indignant but couldn’t do much about it. “She better had!” Sunny lost a lot of her crossness as she caressed my cheek. “Oh, Starry! What am I to do wi’ ye?” She sighed. “Well, there’s not much else for it. Ye take her feet an’ we’ll get her up t’ room. An’ you!” She tapped the end of my nose to get my attention. “Don’t be a getting’ in t’ habit every time we come t’ visit. I love ye, but yer no sort o’ drinker! Right, then!” Her horn flared to life and I was cocooned in her magic. I might have been a seat cushion for all the effort they needed to maneuver me upstairs… By the time they turned the bed covers down I was beginning to drift off to sleep. Somewhere in there Nutmeg was, I hope, dismissed. I was undressed and put under the covers. …The last thing I remember was Sunny bending over me, her horn glowing in the dimness. She touched my forehead with it and everything went blank. I came to with a start. Sunny was snoring softly in her customary position pillowed on my right breast. The clock on the bedstead informed me it was 4:05 in the morning. I was wide awake and alert, apparently no worse for the alcoholic wear… I slipped away to the bathroom and, eventually, took a look at myself in the mirror. No bloodshot eyes, no nausea, no headache, aside from the bad taste in my mouth I might have just imagined the whole episode. I remembered reading that some Ponies were tinkering with the concept of synthetic alcohols but I never heard that they were approved for Equine consumption. I seriously doubted an old campaigner like Amber Rose would ever consider them an any rate! I used some mouthwash and considered the frowning mare in the mirror. Right. I slipped back into bed and put Sunny back where she was as gently as possible. She merfed and grumbled a little before snuggling back in. I kissed the top of her head. “There’s a lot you’re not telling me, Princess!” I whispered. “But I love you, anyway.” I lay back and managed to doze until she finally awoke. When we came down for breakfast, every Pony who could find the slightest excuse was milling around the dining room. Amber Rose was tucking in with gusto no worse for wear, himself. (A Alicorns horn can work on himself, apparently!) Nutmeg served me herself with a knowing sparkle in her eyes and there were more assorted nephews, nieces, and cousins than usual. Everypony seemed to be in an especially good mood. All eyes were on the both of us and whenever I opened my mouth there was an expectant hush. Hoo-buck! The parasprite was well and truly out of the bag. Well… two could play at that game! “Sunny?” …The crowd held its breath. “Yes?” My Darling perked up and gave me both ocular barrels. …I almost caved in immediately! I recovered just in time, though. “Would you pass me the toast, please?” She blinked a couple of times. “Oh! Why, yes, here you go!” “Thanks!” I took up a couple of slices and slathered on the pale, fresh butter with no regards for the calories. “Mmm-mm!” I munched away happily and the audience made haste to act as if they weren’t paying attention. Amber Rose, for his part, quirked a bushy, golden eyebrow and served himself another bowl of oatmeal with a big dollop of brown sugar and half a quart of cream. Things quickly fell back into rhythm, my teacup never went dry, the oldest niece began to talk about yesterday’s shopping trip. Sunny shot me glances when she thought I wasn’t looking. I was beginning to enjoy myself. I thought a moment, then… “Sunny? I want to ask you something…” She dabbed her lips with a napkin and turned to face me, her hooves dropping demurely into her lap. She looked so heartbreakingly eager that I almost felt bad. Almost. Everypony went quiet again, all ears straining in our direction… “I just wanted to ask,” I paused. Amber Rose stopped chewing his oatmeal and looked up expectantly. “…if it would be ok if we went over to see Canterlot today? Be a shame to come to Earth and not see it, after all.” Sunny’s ears drooped and my poor Dear stammered. “Oh! …Um, s-sure. No problem ‘t’all. We can be there in a couple o’ shakes. R-right after breakfast.” She gulped and grabbed up her teacup, shooting an embarrassed glance at the assemblage over its rim. Amber Rose frowned silently. Then he gaped silently and his whole face lit up in sudden understanding! He stifled a sudden laugh taking another spoonful of breakfast then, tipped me a knowing wink. A ripple of uncertainty went through the ranks of the spectators. The youngest niece tugged her mother’s arm. “Momma! I though you said she was gonna-” “Hush now n’ eat yer muffin!” One of the second cousins snatched one off the tray of an immobilized maid who gave a start and quickly began passing the others out. “Fan-tastic!” I continued . I snagged a muffin of my own when they went by and demolished most of it in one bite. “These are great! They don’t make ‘em like this back Home!” I beamed widely at the crowd around us who did their level best to act as if nothing was wrong. I blithely pretended not to notice the looks that were passing between them all and finished my muffin. The crowd were beginning to think that they had somehow got their collective wires crossed! Smiling to myself, I refused to look at Amber Rose lest I would fall apart laughing. Sunny seemed to have lost her appetite and just clutched her tea with both hooves, sipping nervously. Just one more time… The table conversations resumed falteringly, just a trifle bit too loud and enthusiastically to be normal. I made a show of facehoofing myself! “Good grief! Whatever was I thinking! Sunny, Dear…?” “Yes?” She squeaked, barely audible. There was such an adorable expression of hope in her eyes! Everypony in the room, except Amber Rose, held their breath… “You‘re looking especially beautiful today!” I caroled, and kissed her hoof. I quickly took a deep drink of tea, hiding as best I could behind the cup. Somepony dropped a cup in the near-silence that followed. Sunny, stunned, only gaped. I snuck a glance over to Amber Rose who by now was doing all he could to be quiet. The old Stallion was pounding one knee silently, tears in his eyes. A couple of the foals were just looking at him, clearly as lost as Sunny was to what was going on! I propped my elbows on the table and cradled my muzzle in my hooves and grinned at Sunny. “So… Still want to marry me?” I quickly got up and knelt at her hooves, producing the ring an opening the box. My expression became more serious, no easy task with the Lord of the Alicorne whooping like that! “It would mean the Worlds to me, Sunny, if you said ‘yes’.” I offered it to her. “Please?” “Yer a-littin’ ‘er off too easy, Lass!” Amber Rose guffawed. “Ye coulda kept th’ wee Filly squirmin’ fer a good, long time yet!” He hugged his sides and stomped his hooves in almost indecent glee! “Oh Sunny, Honey! If ye dinna marry her I will! Och, what a Lass! What a Lass!! Sairves us all right, dunnit? Oh, me!” The Lord of the Alicorne paused for some much-needed breath. Sunny shot the Old Soldier a murderous look before looking at me. Her huge eyes softened and threatened tears but she never said a word. For my part, I stayed where I was as the crowd, for one last time, held its breath. I cleared my voice and stage-whispered. “You know, in this light gravity I could stay here for hours. …But I’ll stay here till you give me an answer. Will you marry me, Sunny?” “’Atta girl, Lass!” Amber Rose thumped the table with one hoof. “Th’ Magic’s in th’ askin’! Ye must ask her three times fer th’ Charm!” The assembled Ponies stirred, craning forward in anticipation. I had no clue as to what he was talking about… and it didn’t matter. If it was tradition so be it, I’d play along. “Sunny, Solar Cross, Love, would you do me the honor of marrying me?” The tears came into her eyes, displaced by beaming Love! “Oh, Starry! I’ll marry” ye, I’ll marry ye, I’ll marry ye! Yes, yes YES!” She slid off her chair and onto my knee and gathered me up in a fierce hug while Amber Rose raised a yell, the foals ‘yayed’, the adults cheered, and I was cuddled close into the warm heart of the Alicorne.