Thirty Minutes of Fabulosity

by Esle Ynopemos

29: Positively Barbaric [Comedy] [Human]

((Prompt: Ponies visit or are visited by a culture whose people are not accustomed to public nudity.))

“I have never been so appalled in all my life!” Rarity stormed in the doors of the embassy. The golden-clad guard tensed for a moment, but relaxed when they saw nothing follow her in. It was pretty easy to tell at a glance who did and did not belong at Equestria's embassy. “Twilight, you told me this was a civilized culture!”

Twilight pushed her paperwork aside and looked up at the distraught mare. “Why? What happened?” Her eyes narrowed. “Did one of them hurt you?”

Rarity shook her head angrily. “I only wish it were that. At least that would be the doings of a lone individual. But this... this reflects gravely on their people as a whole! There can be no forgiving this!”

Twilight stepped out from behind her desk and placed a wing on Rarity's back. She waited until the fashionista's breathing had slowed before saying anything. “Just back up and tell me what happened, Rarity.”

Rarity sniffed and nodded. “As you know, I started off by having lunch with a group of them. They seemed decent enough creatures, they could hold a conversation, and they wore suits and ties. Well-made suits and ties, even.” She took a deep breath. “B-but then...”

A sigh escaped Twilight's lips. “One of them ordered meat for lunch, didn't they? Rarity, I know it can be hard dealing with a culture of carnivores, but just like with the griffons, we need to see past those differences if we're going to work together.”

“Oh no, it wasn't that,” Rarity said, shaking her head. “I'm just fine sharing lunch with carnivores so long as I'm not on the menu. I even tried a bite of a ham sandwich.”

Twilight withdrew her wing. “You did?”

“I can't say I enjoyed it. It was a bit dry,” Rarity said, shrugging.

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut, trying to clear out the mental image of her friend chewing on a chunk of pig. “So, if that wasn't it, what was the problem?”

“Well, after lunch, one of them suggested we go for a round of golf,” Rarity explained. “It's apparently a ritual of theirs, playing golf with those they intend to make deals with. I'm hardly an expert at the game, but I'm not terrible at it, so I figured, why not? I'll give it a try.”

Twilight listened, nodding. “So, where is the part where they're all horrible?”

Rarity's voice cracked. “Oh, it was just awful! When we got to the golf course, they stopped to change out of their nice suits and ties, and... and...” She broke into a fit of sobs.

Twilight rubbed Rarity's neck with a hoof. “There there,” she cooed. “They can't hurt you in here.”

The fashion designer sniffled. “I... I thought that a culture that wore clothes all the time must be good at making them. Wouldn't that make sense? I mean, if they all have to wear clothes every day, surely they would be more fashion conscious than the average pony, right?”

Twilight tilted her head. “Huh?”

“What I saw on that golf course, though...” Rarity shuddered. “Darling, I am so upset that when we get home I just might sell the Boutique and take up a career in mining! They have completely shaken my faith in fashion!”

“What did you see, Rarity?”

Her lip trembled. “Plaid pants, Twilight.” Rarity's face turned a shade of green as she spoke. “They wore baggy plaid pants without the slightest hint of shame! They're monsters, Twilight!”