//------------------------------// // I'll Be Ur Guide! // Story: Not the Afterlife I Signed Up For // by inoeitall //------------------------------// Author's note: Sorry about the delay! Stuff has been hectic to say the least. Big shout out to FrostBite for editing this chapter! “OK, OK... I’ll explain everything.” *ahem* “Welcome to Ponyology 101.” I reached down and opened my messenger bag to pull out my laptop. “For your viewing pleasure, please gather round so that I may illustrate my points with a mixed media presentation.” I doubted they caught the meaning of what I said, but they soon crowded around me so they could see the ‘mystical device’ in my lap. I silently chuckled at their mystified expressions as I opened it and tapped the power button. They emitted a collective gasp when the Dell boot up screen popped up. A few moments later, the Ubuntu log in screen popped up. If you have no clue what Ubuntu is, allow me to do a quick explanation. I have two operating systems (OS’s) on my laptop: Windows 7 and Ubuntu, which is a Linux based OS. Ubuntu runs much faster and is great for general use, but very few games run on it. That is why I also have Windows. OK, now that your mind is filled with new knowledge, go brag to your friends as the story progresses. My fingers danced across the keyboard faster than the eye could follow as I input my password (No! I’m not telling you what it is). FrostBite: Psst... it’s Rainbow Dash. Allons~y! *Ba da da du da da da!*  Perhaps modding my laptop to play that jingle that plays in Zelda when you unlock a door when I log in, wasn’t such a good idea. Fang Hua and Alkaios nearly gave my laptop a few new ventilation holes... On a side note, Fang Hua uses these weird circular blades, kinda like Indian chakrams (circular throwing blades; think frisbees of death, but with one spot wrapped with a grip). “Whoa whoa! Cool your jets! It’s not going to hurt you. It just plays that sound when I log in.” I don’t know what I would do if they killed my laptop. That laptop has everything. So many forms of media on that little device. They sat back down, but Alkaios now had a deep frown on his face. On the other hand, Fang Hua and Annabeth looked on with deep curiosity. I started opening up a few folders so could show them some video clips to go along with my explanation, but the level of concentration was dropping alarmingly by questions like, “How does that work? What does THIS button do? What’s Amnesia: Dark Descent? What are ‘Youtube Poop’ videos?” I had to ignore them at-least for now. I don’t think I ever plan on showing them what Amnesia is.... too many nights stuck awake, trembling in fear... “OK,” I was finally ready, “We are in the mythical land of Equestria. It is mainly populated by three types of ponies: Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth Ponies. Unicorns can use and excel in magic, and Pegasi can fly. The Pegasi’s main role is to control and maintain the weather. Earth Ponies are very strong and some people think they have plant based magic. It hasn’t been confirmed yet so there’s no need to discuss it. Anywho, this land is based around friendship, trust, and love. There is a song I would like to show you that will sum up the basis of this civilization as well as introduce you to several of the ponies that we are about to meet.” I clicked "Play." My fellow humans watched in awe and confusion. I hummed along and noticed the pegasi pulling the carriage glancing over their shoulders with befuddled looks on their faces. I wonder what’s going through their minds... Well, the song’s over now, time to continue my deliriously sick-nasty monologue... ~~~ Meanwhile in Ponyville Twilight was rereading the Daring-Do series again. Dash’s recent... debacle surrounding her love of reading had reignited Twilight’s own interest in the adventurous Pegasus. She heard a belch from downstairs followed be scaly feet scurrying up the stairs. Spike barged into Twilight’s room waving a letter, “Twilight! Princess Celestia just sent this urgent message for you!” Twilight quickly levitated a bookmark into her current page and pulled over the letter. Her eyes scanned the letter once, then twice. She took a deep breath and said, “Spike, we need to gather the Elements of Harmony right now. There are some... visitors who will be coming to Ponyville, and we have been charged with taking care of them.” “What? How is that an urgent message?” Spike scratched his head. “I’m not sure, but if the Princess wants us to take care of them, then we will do our best!” Twilight’s eyes gleamed, visualizing Princess Celestia smiling down at her, complimenting her over her latest success. She sat there for a moment, lost in her fantasy, until Spike spoke up, “Ummm Twilight, perhaps we had better get everypony together before fantasizing?” 30 minutes later... “So do you get it now? We are all from different points in history, with myself as the farthest in your future.” I had been explaining, and re-explaining this for ages now. I had Google Earth pulled up so I could show them where we had each come from. Alkaios had finally stopped pouting and I had to repeatedly stop him from touching the screen. I’d never have thought that a Spartan would pout this much. I mean, yeah 300 of his friends had died including his king and he was now in a land he had never heard of, but still. Gotta cheer him up... hmmmm.... DUB STEP. That always cheers me up. Just gotta find the right song... yes... PONY DUBSTEP!!! or as it is known by some bronies, DUBTROT! *play* The carriage lurched from side to side. “Sweet Celestia’s mane!!! What is that racket?!?!” Hmm... it would appear that the royal guards pulling the chariot did not agree with my choice of music. Alkaios, Annabeth, and Fang Hua were covering their ears. Well, I suppose dubstep might not be the best way to introduce them to modern music. Darn. *pause* “I take it that you don’t care for dubstep then?” I smiled sheepishly. “NO!!!” They all yelled in unison. Philistines... Before I could show them more amazing music (I was thinking Metallica next...), the carriage landed with a slight bump. I looked outside to see the familiar shape of the Ponyville library. HECK YES! I’m in Ponyville!!! The door opened up (magic?) and we piled out into Celestia’s sun. I looked around, hoping to see a background pony or two, but the carriage effectively shielded the rest of Ponyville from seeing us. Probably for the best. “Is that a building in a tree?” Annabeth shook her head in disbelief. “Actually the building IS a tree.” I grinned at her. She rolled her eyes and we started towards the door. I stopped in front of the small door, took a deep breath, and reached out to knock... ~~~ “Alright girls, these are special guests of the Princess, so we have to make a good impression.” Twilight was lecturing again for the umpthteenth time. They silently thanked Celestia when they had heard the carriage land outside. “Ugh, OK! We got it the FIRST time you told us!” Rainbow threw her hooves up in disgust. This was getting really boring. Twilight grinned sheepishly. “Ah wonder why the Princess didn’t mention anythin ‘bout these here ‘visitors’ in her letter?” Applejack wondered aloud. “They must be very important Ponies if they know the Princess. I do wish you had given me a greater warning in advance to freshen up a bit more.” Rarity pouted. “I hope they like parties! I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to throw a party for 4 new ponies at once! This will be so GREAT!” Pinkie Pie bounced up and down with excess energy. They were interrupted with a resounding knock. The group of mares took a collective deep breath, and Rarity smoothed a stray hair back into her mane. Twilight opened the door with her magic. Twilight and the other mares stared in confusion at the being beyond the door. It was not a pony, that much was certain, but what WAS it? The thing stood on two legs and appeared to be totally covered in clothes. Rarity in particular noted the stylish coat that it was wearing. However the creature was so tall, about a third of it's body was hidden above the door frame. It stooped down and said in a deep voice, "Why hello to you, too." A grin spread across it's face that rivaled even Pinkie's widest of grins. It looked sort of like a Diamond dog, but it’s legs were much longer, and it didn’t appear to have any fur except for the top of it’s head. It’s hands had very long and dexterous looking fingers. The creature bent over to fit through the door and there was ANOTHER of these strange creatures behind the first. The new one was clothed in rugged khaki clothes, but it was clearly female. It had a much... curvier body and carried itself with much more grace. The next of the "visitors" came through the door. Twilight noticed that Fluttershy cringed as the second male came in. He reeked of blood and metal, and numerous scars could be seen beneath his armor. He was scowling fiercely at the ponies, of course Rainbow and Applejack scowled right back at him. The final one came in right behind the grumpy male, and she exuded so much grace, it seemed that everypony else had been tripping over their own hooves just by standing. She was clothed in beautiful brocades and sashes. Rarity nearly started drooling when she appeared. By now, Twilight's attention had returned back to the tallest of the group. He seemed to be trying to keep himself from laughing with out much success and every now and then a small chuckle escaped from his lips. "I think the Princess has some explaining to do..." Twilight muttered. She spoke up, "Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle and these are my friends,” she pointed to each one in turn. “Applejack,” “Howdy, it’s- er real nice to, um, meet y’all.” She tipped her hat. “Rainbow Dash,” “Sup.” “Rarity,” “A pleasure.” Rarity sounded flustered. “Fluttershy,” *squeak* Fluttershy couldn’t even manage words, she was so nervous. “and Pinkie Pie." “Hi!” Twilight waited for more, but nothing else was said by the pink pony. Twilight blinked a few times in surprise. The tall one seemed surprised at Pinkie’s brevity as well. The tall one cleared his throat, and his grin grew even wider. "It is a delight to finally meet you. My name is Isaac Noe, but please just call me Isaac. These are my...” he paused, seeming to search for the right word.  “friends, for lack of a better term.” The curvy female introduced herself, “I am Annabeth Edgeworth.” She had a curious accent. The armored one grunted, “Alkaios.” He didn’t seem too happy to be here. The graceful female quietly stated, “I am Fang Hua. It is an honor to meet you all.” She did a little bow. Isaac picked up the conversation, “Now then, I’m sure that you all have plenty of questions, but before we start down that path, might I have one request?” The ponies nodded, slightly hesitant. “OK,” he took a deep breath, “Can I hug Pinkie Pie?” “YAY! HUGS!” Pinkie Pie made to tackle the tall creature, but before she could jump, he scooped HER up! ~~~ HOLY CRAP I’M HUGGING PINKIE PIE!!! She doesn’t smell like cotton candy, like everyone thinks. She actually smells more  like strawberry cake frosting.... mmhhmmmmmm.... cake. Everyone else was now staring at us. I grinned my biggest grin. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” Pinkie giggled, “Hee hee I think you and I will get along fine, Isaac!” Twilight was the first to regain her composure. “Umm... if I might interrupt your hugging session, perhaps you could explain a few things for us.” “Yeah! Like what you things ARE!” Rainbow had all the tact of a enraged rhino in a china shop. “We are men, and I do not like your tone.” Alkaios growled. Oh crap, his hand was on his sword... “Whoa there dude, she didn’t mean anything by it. She’s just naturally... um... enthusiastic.” I tried to calm him down with a few hand motions. Unfortunately, this caused Pinkie to slide to the floor. Awww, I miss the hugs already. I am determined to get one from Fluttershy, but she is still cowering right now. Though that squeak she did earlier nearly caused me to die from overexposure of cute. “Rainbow can be a bit brash at times, but she didn’t mean to offend, Mr. Alkaios.” Rarity to the rescue! That mare can salvage nearly any social snafu. Rainbow snorted in derision. Dang it Dash, why can’t you just say sorry? Mental facepalm.