"So Anon, can you tell me more about your world and why ponies don't talk?" questioned Twilight as an ink quill and a few pieces of parchment floated in the air next to her suspended by a purple aura. Since it was going to be a while before they reached Sweet Apple Acres, Twilight had begun to quiz Anon on everything about humans and their home world. Although Anon was slightly annoyed at her constant barrage of questions he preferred it to the awkward apologies on stripping him earlier.
"Well… Instead of why it's more like how would they be able to talk. I'm no expert on horses but the only thing I've ever heard from them is a neigh or a whinny. So not only would it be impossible for them to replicate certain sounds, moreover humans are the only sentient race on Earth. I mean you can't expect squirrels and rabbits to have their own language right? They're just animals."
"Hey! Just because you can't understand them doesn't mean that they can't speak." came a loud voice from behind Anon, a cream colored mare lightly 'stomped' her hooves before panicking and drawing back, "I mean… Every animal has a language, you just have to learn to talk with them."
So everything in this damn world talks huh? I'm never going to be able to eat steak again am I?, thought Anon before continuing, "Sorry, I suppose you could be right, humans aren't really that close to nature anymore. We like to think that we can predict and control it… but often end up paying for our ignorance." Anon ended with a bit of sadness in his voice, "Well also besides lacking the ability to talk our ponies don't look quite like you guys."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rainbow Dash questioned before Twilight was able to.
"Well, It's like… hm…" Anon paused which also caused the others to come to a stop. Anon spent a good minute looking between the six ponies, taking in their forms. Twilight had her head slightly tilted to the right with a look of confusion and inner thought. Rainbow Dash had landed but chose to stand on her hind legs while crossing her forelegs across her chest. Applejack planted her flank on the ground while Rarity chose to stand. Pinkie Pie was bouncing up and down waiting for his response while Fluttershy was kind of just hoofing at the ground.
"Well first off your limbs are way too flexible, "Anon said pointing to Dash, "Ponies shouldn't be able to stand like that and cross their arms-- forelegs. Also, " Anon turned to Twilight and stared her in the face for a good second before adding, "your faces too round and are very human-like... Normally I wouldn't be able to tell such emotions from a ponies face-- Oh and we don't have unicorns or pegasi, just regular ponies." Anon said as he turned his attention to Applejack. "And what's with those weird tattoos on your butts?" Apparently Anon had said something outrageous because after a few seconds they all began responding with different questions.
"Hey, whaddya mean our limbs are too flexible?"
"Wait-- there are only Earth ponies in your world, how do you control the weather?"
"So all of the ponies in your world all just walk around all sad without ever smiling?"
"What? You mean these cutie marks on our flanks?."
"Control the weather? What in the world are you talking about-- Also, gay. Hope they call it something different if you're a guy."
"Well of course it's gay! It's the gayest moment in a pony's life when they get their cutie mark!" exclaimed Pinkie, while Dash and Anon snickered, and then hoof to fist bumped in acknowledgement, "What're you two laughing at?"
"Nothing. So what, do you guys head down to the local tattoo shop and request-- Actually, now that I think about it that's not skin... What do you paint it on you with some kind of permanent paint? I mean I'd say it was a brand but you can't burn colors into skin."
"A cutie mark isn't something that's drawn on," Twilight began in a matter-of-factly tone. "It appears when a pony finds his or her special talent in life. It's a symbol of what you love doing and are the best at in life." she finished turning her flank toward Anon so he could see as so did the others.
"Special talent huh… Let's see if I can name 'em." Anon shuffled his eyes between the mares in thought before continuing. "Hm, Twilight has a whole bunch of stars on her bu-- flank. So I'm going to say stargazing." Rainbow Dash laughed hard while Twilight looked irritated. "Welp that was obviously wrong.. Onward to Applejack! Let's see you've got three apples and live on a farm… I guess you're really good at growing apples or making apple foods?"
"Close nuff' partner."
"Alright, one for one! Now for Rarity… Diamonds? Dang," Anon sighed as he scratched his chin, "I honestly have no clue there but since you made me such awesome clothes maybe your cutie mark should have been a needle and thread. Pinkie Pie is easy, three balloons huh? They've got to symbolize the awesome and fun the parties that you throw."
"Actually yes darling, my special talent is sewing."
"Oh, oh! And mine too, you got it right! I absolutely love throwing parties and making ponies smile!"
"Oh yeah! Three for one! Two more to go, let's see… Fluttershy's got three butterflies so I'm going with she's really good at catching and raising butterflies. And finally Rainbow Dash… You've got a cloud shooting a lightning colored rainbow." Anon deadpanned, "You must be able to make rainbows and rainbow lightning."
"Pffft, step back and guess again Anon," Dash replied as Anon just smirked before taking off to the skies at an impossible speed before curving around and zig zagging back to the ground catching and destroying a good ten clouds in the process.
"Uhm, and my special talent isn't catching butterflies, it's raising and caring for animals, I can also talk to them."
"Ah.. well sorry, looks like I got three out of three though right?" Anon bragged as they resumed walking, "So what, I take it that your special talent is flying really fast?"
"The fastest."
"Too bad you're so small, in my world if you existed you'd be taller than me and weigh like a thousand pounds. Then I could ride you off into the sunset."
"Whoa what, why are your ponies so massive!?"
"Heh, well they aren't called ponies, they're horses. Which are pretty much just bigger versions of ponies. They were just bred that way so we could ride them. Although since times have changed we don't need to ride them anymore, what with cars and what not."
"Cars? What are they?" Twilight asked curiously, though much to Anon's relief before he was forced to elaborate Applejack pointed forward and spoke up.
"Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres."
From what Anon could tell it looked like a normal enough farm, although he had never actually seen one in real life. There was a barn, well, and house but instead of crops all Anon could see were fields of apple trees. "So… the only thing you grow are apple trees?"
" 'Course not, we grow wheat an' other things but the main product here are apples." corrected Applejack as she trotted over to the nearest apple tree. Turning around she balanced on her forelegs bringing her hind legs back before lightly kicking the tree, dropping a single apple. "Here, go ahead an' give it a try."
Seeing no reason to refuse Anon accepted the apple and took a large bite out of it. Delicious didn't even come anywhere near describing how good the apple tasted. Wasting no time at all Anon devoured the rest of the apple, core included. "Why are your apples this good? You spike them with crack?"
"With what now? These apples are the pride of my family, we raise only the best." declared Applejack standing up on her hind legs while pushing out her chest proudly. "Now c'mon partner, how 'bout we go in and meet the family?"
"A-actually, can you point me in the direction of the little bo.. Hm, stallions room? I've gotta go." Applejack raised a hoof and pointed to an outhouse near the barn. Figures… "Thanks, I'll only be a second, I'll head in afterward." waving a hand in thanks Anon proceeded at a brisk pace intent on taking a leak. The others were led by Applejack into a house which Anon noted.
"Oh man I'm so glad ponies don't just drop it wherever like horses in my world." Anon said while relieving himself. It was a pretty standard outhouse; however it was smaller, extremely clean and thankfully had a bucket of water. It probably wasn't meant for washing hands but that's what it was going to be today. Finished with his business Anon exited the outhouse, proceeded to walk to Applejacks front door and was tackled face first into the ground.
"Hey, hey! Quick, tie up his hooves!"
"I'm trying to! But his hind legs are really long while his forelegs are too short."
"Ahlright! Cutie Mark Crusaders Creature Tamers!!"
With his face in the mud and three bodies on his back Anon had no choice but to submit as he was hog tied and gagged. Looking up he saw three fillies standing up looking at each other's flanks, "Do ya see anythang?" questioned the yellowish one with a red mane and a pink bow tie.
"Nope, I don't see anything, looks like we're not getting our cutie marks in capturing creatures." commented the orange one with spiked pink hair.
"What do you suppose it is?" questioned the white one with pink and purple hair. Anon struggled as he tried speaking to no avail.
"You think he came out of the Everfree forest? Wait till Rainbow Dash hears that we took down a monster from the Everfree!" exclaimed the orange one excitedly.
"Yeah, but how do you suppose we go about carrying it into town? He looks kind of heavy." questioned the white one, her voice cracking in the middle of her sentence.
"Ahve got an idea!" the yellow one stated as she trotted into the barn and emerged a minute later with a wheel barrel.
"Great idea Apple Bloom!"
"Ah shucks it was nothing, now hold the barrel steady Scootaloo, while me and Sweetie Bell get him in." as they grab Anon grunting they begin to stuff him into the wheel barrel.
"Oh man, why's he so heavy?" Sweetie Bell said while struggling to lift Anon.
"Who cares! Think of how cool it will be when we show it off to everyone!"
"Yeah! Scootaloo's right, maybe we'll get our cutie marks in the circus!" exclaimed Apple Bloom in a shrill voice. "Cutie Mark Crusaders in the Circus!"
Anon would have thought this entire situation was adorable had he not been flawlessly tackled to the ground, then bound and gagged by mere children as they began to comically stuff in into a wheel barrel. A lone tear of shame rolled down his cheek as the three fillies rolled him toward town. My luck with females is the same-- even in a world of ponies!
• • •
"Hey, what do you think is taking Anon so long?" questioned Twilight as she sipped on her apple juice that Granny Smith had made for them.
"Hey, maybe he's doing number two." Dash said giggling.
"Oh please Dash, must you be so uncivilized? The poor thing has had a hard enough time without you making jokes." commented Rarity.
"Still, Dash is right, I wonder what's takin' him so long. Maybe ah outta check on him." Applejack said as she stood up.
"Why I sure hope nothing bad happened to him." Fluttershy said with a hint of worry.
"Oh c'mon Fluttershy, what kind of trouble could he possibly have run into? No toilet paper?" Dash burst into another fit of laughter while Rarity and Twilight rolled their eyes.
"Well regardless ah should check on him. Would be unhospitable of me to do otherwise."
• • •
Anon had been struggling for the past ten minute as they wheeled him towards town, unfortunately for him the one called Apple Bloom seemed to have a lot of skill in tying rope. He had tried a few times to reason with them but since he was gagged his voice came out in a mess of gurgles and spit. Although what the fillies hadn't planned on was that Anon was human and thus had the greatest weapon evolution had given him; eight fingers and two opposable thumbs, soon enough he would be able to work the rope enough to unbind his feet.
"Hey, wasn't there supposed to be some kind of party today at the town hall?" came Scootaloo's voice.
"Oh yeah! I think Pinkie was throwin' a get well party, shame we had to miss it." Apple Bloom said with a twinge of sadness.
"Yeah but look what we found because of it! If we had gone we wouldn’t have captured this thing!" commented Sweetie Bell. Anon fought with renewed vigor and rage at the irony of the situation, the ropes loosening just a bit, with a little more he would be free.
"Yeah, and good thing we didn't make a Pinkie Promise, else we might not have gotten a chance at finding out our special talent and getting our cutie marks!" Somewhere in the back of Anon's mind he lightly registered Twilights earlier lecture on cutie marks, he was almost there, in another minute he would be free.
"Oh no ya don't," said Apple Bloom as she peered down at Anon, tightening his ropes and crushing his hopes of escape. "We need you to get our cutie marks!" Defeated, Anons' body went limp as he gave up, Not like I'm going to die or anything but this rope really chafes.
"Hey make sure you tie it tighter this time Apple Bloom, we don't want it escaping before we get our cutie marks!" Scootaloo replied bit a hint of annoyance.
"Hey, ah did tie him up properly… He's just got these weird hooves."
Fingers, Anon thought, Were there seriously no apes for humans to evolve into around here? Anon decided to stare up at Apple Bloom since she was still standing on him making a death grip knot out of the rope.
"Hey, it's looking at me weird, Ah think it's havin a hard time breathing, with that cloth in his mouth and what not. Think we should take it off for a sec? Not like he can do any harm."
'Oh sweet blessed Apple Bloom, my savior! Please!' Anon wanted to say but all that came out was his muffled voice as he gave the most puppy dog eyes he could.
"Don't be crazy Apple Bloom, what if he bites you? You might catch something." Damn you Scootaloo you--- you fucking chicken!, Anon raged but at the same time in the back of his mind commended her on at least playing it safe. Apple Bloom jumped off of him and resumed walking.
"Yeah ah guess you're right."
Scrunching up his face Anon fell back into the barrel, trying to shrink as small as possible, Publicly humiliated not once but twice in one day? We're on a roll Anon.