//------------------------------// // Chapter 2- Reluctant Introduction // Story: Building Walls, Burning Bridges // by MonolithiuM //------------------------------// "With any recovery from morbidity there must go a certain healthy humiliation." ~Gilbert K. Chesterton "Nice try, jackholes!" I darted across the ballroom and blasted down the hallway, traveling far faster than anything my size has the right to. My legs and feet melted into spinning blurs as I pushed myself to the limit. In proper cartoon fashion, a dust trail was left behind along with a faint 'vroom' while I ran. "First order of business. Find a book on the Elements of Harmony. The more I know about them, the better my chances of going home. So I'll need to go to the library." In the guards' perspective, without a rhyme or a reason, I took off in another direction, letting a slew of them I hadn't been aware of crash into the wall. Before I even had a chance to shout an insult, I was cut off by a wall of Earth pony guards. Rude. Not one to be pushed around so easily, I slid under the middle one. And planted a firm kick to his family jewels on the fly. "You had it comin', chief!" I heard wings. Wings no bueno. I dared to peek behind me, and what I saw nearly made me scream. I shit you not, the entire hallway behind me was filled with guards. Earth ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns. And they were gaining fast. Feet don't exactly compare to the constant locomotion of hooves. Panic time. "Wait a minute, I'm tiny… I wonder…" Or maybe I didn't have to wonder. With a screech that would make Nascar jealous, I halted my heels and did a complete 180, something I knew was impossible for a pony to do. Immediately they attempted to slow down, but their metallic hooves slid across the floor. With a grin and a powerful pump of my legs, I shot under the lead stallion and past all of the opposition once again. This time, however, I made it my intent to lose them. I took a hard left, leaving dust in my wake even though the palace was spick and span. Funny how that works. I next opted for a right into a sort of atrium, and then for a run down a couple of flights of stairs before banking left again. I found myself in a rotunda of sorts, outside. Another garden. This one was far more elegant and restrained, and I saw the spiral stairs encompassing it all the way up. The marble floors actually continued into this area and gave it a very controlled and- "The hell am I doing?! I can't stop!" Without another thought I ran past the pretty foliage and up the spiral stairs. Amazingly, I made it in no time. Just to run into yet another wall of guards. This time with massive shields levitated by magic. Actual shields too, not pure magic-generated ones. "Crapsicles," I muttered under my breath. I turned around, and saw more shields closing in on me. Only one way to go, and that was right again, into the unknown. I was off like a shot, and I heard the shuffling of shields behind me, knowing full well that they had blocked the entrance. I kept pushing forward, avoiding stray guards who attempted to catch me with their bare hooves. I dipped and dove this way and that, my unique cartoon physics making it difficult for them to touch me. Guards fell all around me, losing their balance without the use of their front hooves to prop themselves up correctly. I, meanwhile, laughed like a madman. "They actually can't get me?" I laughed even harder watching a unicorn bust his head through a desk. I turned around, running backwards, to laugh. I got three "ha"s out before I felt something solid connect with the back of my head, sending me ass-over-teakettle. My momentum kept me moving backwards, and then my world was marble floor, red, and black when my head collided with the floor at break-neck speed. "…shit…" And then I passed into unconsciousness. \\\\||||//// I couldn't do it. So it really is impossible, isn't it? I failed to avoid a cliche. Damn it. I thought it was so simple, but there we go, boom. Right there. Blacking out. One of the most overused transitions of all time. Am I fighting the universe itself for control? Is it really that impossible to completely dodge every cliche like a barrage of pies filled with rattlesnakes? No. I refuse to believe that. I will fight, and I will not become a cliche. I will make this realm my bitch, force it to its knees, and make it choke on my proverbial man meat. I'm waking up. Crap. Better make a list… \\\\||||//// "Finished." I blinked when I saw that eight spears had jumped to life and come dangerously close to my head. With a nervous gulp, coupled with an insanely huge sweat drop that I saw out of the corner of my eye, I hid my fear. "Damn this body. I'll have to put up with freaky shenanigans like that betraying my poker face." I looked to my right, where a small clock had made its home. The time read 11:45. "Awfully accurate," I mumbled incoherently to myself. With my peripheral vision I saw a mare leave the room quickly. Fetching the princesses, or… the Elements. "CLICHE ALERT, CLICHE ALERT! WARNING WARNING!" My brain even generated alarms from several different movies. From the Red October to the Enterprise and even Star Wars, I heard them all going off at the same time. It hurt, to say the least. With an annoyed grunt, I perished the building migraine and attempted to move my legs. Nothing. Eyes wide with realization, I sat up and scrambled around, looking over the edge of the bed and under the sheets. I ignored the spears, which had since backed up a fragment to allow my bulbous head some leeway in my mad search. "Where are my things?!" I screamed in a panic. I was scared okay? If I had been asleep for too much longer then I may not have woken up. I wanted to die in my sleep but… not now, not that way. Head trauma is a very dangerous thing. A guard sneered. "Confiscated. We've put them somewhere we know you can't get to." "In one of the Princesses' rooms," I deadpanned with a flat expression, my arms hung by my sides. The guard stared at me slack-jawed. "H- how did you know?" Dumbass, it's so- "Cliche! Hellooo? I'm a new creature that negates all magic and the first place I'd put an alien's things is with a far more powerful thing! Are you fuckin' dense? Where do Celestia and Luna hire you guys?" This guard was absolutely plum retarded. I couldn't even take his face anymore. That same damn face. 'I'm SO SHOCKED! Better widen my eyes and drop my jaw!' Like clockwork, I tell ya. And speaking of clockwork… With a lightning fast movement and a mighty laser of a throw right to his forehead, the nightstand clock hit his helm. His head rung like you would expect it to, because cartoons, and he held his head for a few seconds before collapsing on the ground with a mighty clang. The other guards now wore his expression. "It's a disease." I reached for the lamp on the nightstand. \\\\||||//// Quick Script led Luna down the hallway at a brisk pace. She knew from what some maids and cooks told her that the little creature was fast and devious. It also had quite the foul mouth and bad attitude. As the lunar princess and humble media advisor approached the door, they heard shouting and many great sounds of crashing metal. Luna exploded into the room with a huge gust of wind, knocking the remaining guards off of their hooves but doing nothing to the gremlin in the bed. In its right appendage it held the helm of one soldier, and in the other a horseshoe. It had a mild look of surprise on his face, but did not drop the items. A pregnant silence fell over the room. "Hey Luna, need something? You really should knock." After sweeping her eyes across the unconscious guards, she burst out laughing. "The incompetent fools!" She literally had tears in her eyes. I chuckled a little too. "So uh, may I go?" I was beginning to get feeling back in my legs, but that quickly vanished when Luna's hard glare told me that my wish had been denied. I grumbled and crossed my arms in defeat. "Then just take me to Celestia." Luna seemed offended. "Are we not good enough for you?" I cast a sour expression her way, my face contorting into what I supposed was a sneer. "Both of you are probably going to want to talk to me, correct?" She nodded slowly. "Then let's get on with it!" \\\\||||//// "Maybe I could have waited…" I was dragged down the hall to the throne room by chains, my arms and legs completely draped in heavy iron. At first they tried teleporting me, to no avail. I blamed it on his itty-bitty horn. The unicorn cried boo-hoo-hoo all the way home. Then they attempted to fly me there. Guess what? Pegasus wings operate on magic too. So I called him a disgrace to the Night Guard. He got real uppity and had to be given temporary leave when I insulted his mother. \\\\||||//// "How dare you insult me?" The Night Guard roared into my face, the flaps of my hat flipping backwards. I glared at the fanged guard. "Fine. I'm sorry for insulting you." He visibly relaxed. "I should just tell you that your mother is a flying rodent." He looked back at his bat wings and pure rage filled his eyes. "I'LL KILL YOU!" \\\\||||//// The guards that pulled me along now were far more stoic than the first two, which was unfortunate. "Who's a silly pony? Who is? You is! Night Guard buck!" No response. "Awww. Ruining my fun with professional guards." I was at the throne room in no time, and still bound in the chains and shackles. They pushed me in front of the two royal sisters, and left me in my bonds. Both Celestia and Luna looked down at me with no small amount of disappointment, though Luna looked slightly amused. "Hey. I'm a human, I don't belong here, and I want to go home. Please don't waste my time with the Elements." They seemed pretty surprised with my curtness, but I wasn't taking a century and a half to explain my predicament and what I was. My message was quite simple, though they still wanted to delve deeper. "What is your name?" Time stopped for a minute. I pictured how I looked right now, my face coming into focus. "I can be anyone I want. Identity doesn't matter now. I'm not who I once was. No more being the heroic junior of the neighborhood. The knight in shining armor for the underclass. It's time to start anew…" I looked up at Princess Celestia, my grin growing into a full blown smile. "My name is Mono. A pleasure to meet you."