One snowy night, this was my sixth date with Pinkie Pie, so we both went to the bowling alley for this date. It was Pinkie's turn to bowl. "Go Pinkie go! Go Pinkie go!" I cheered. Pinkie takes her bowling ball and throws it in her lane, and it rolled very slowly towards the pins. The ball wouldn't roll any faster; it was just rolling really slowly. The ball knocks into the first pin, but very lightly, and it just shakes around in place, but not falling over.
"YAY!" Pinkie cried in cheer.
"Well, better luck next time, Pinks!" I said, but with all of Pinkie's hopping, the bowling pin continues to shake, and it knocks over the rest of the pins, GIVING A STRIKE!
"YAAAY! WOO HOO! STRIKE ONE!" Pinkie yelled in excitement, but then she suddenly stopped. "Wait, Flarey? Isn't having strikes bad? Three strikes and you're out?"
"That's baseball, Pinkie." I corrected her.
"Oh.... right!" Pinkie said hopping around and humming. "YOUR TURN!" she screamed in my ear as I was getting up to get my ball. "GO, FLARE, GO!" Pinkie cheered for me as she drops the bowling ball on my hoof.
"OW! OW! OW!" I shouted as I held onto my left hoof in pain.
"Get up you faker and bowl!" Pinkie giggled as she pushed me out into the lane so I can bowl.
"Alright, Pinks, alright!" I chuckled as I got up and walked over to the lane. I took the bowling ball, aimed for the pins, tip-hooved like Fred Flintstone, and I rolled the balls towards the pins and knocked down 6 pins.
“Yay! 6 pins! Great job, Flarey!” Pinkie cheered as she gave me a big hug.
“Ah ah ah! I’m not done yet!” I said to Pinkie mischievously as I then used my unicorn magic to levitate the bowling ball and knock over the other pins. “WOO HOO! YES! STRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- I’m gonna end it there. I’m not even gonna complete that word. Too many R’s. So, how you like that, Pinks?”
“Heeeey! You cheated!” Pinkie whined.
“It’s only a game, Pinks.” I said.
“Yeah, but you still cheated, that’s not fair!” Pinkie said.
“Life isn’t fair, Pinkie.” I said as I patted her on the back. “Look, I’ll change the score back to 6? How about that?” I asked her with a big smile and a squee.
“HAAAAAAAAAX!” Pinkie yelled as she pointed to me and a computer monitor gets thrown right on my face. After the monitor hits it me, I begin flying down the alley and knocking right into the pins on our lane.
“Now that’s the way you cheat. You were doing it wrong.” Pinkie said and giggled.
I started to chuckle as I rubbed my head in pain. “Pinkie Pie, you never seize to amaze me. Much like the random disasters that happen here in Ponyville.” I said.
A cutaway shows a news documentary about the most recent disaster in Ponyville. “Good evening. Tonight, on OX,” Grass Marks, the news announcer started, “we are here to witness the aftermath of… the Brony Invasion of Ponyville. Just look at the aftermath – bellies rubbed beyond repair, ears scratched into subjugation, and even manes brushed into Oblivion. This news cast just has one question… on the ponitity… why Bronies? Why? Which is why there is no portal to Equestria. Watch the full documentary tonight at 1 AM, because midnight is too overrated.” The cutaway ends.
After a half-hour went by, we finally finished our game. Pinkie beat me by 2 points, which wasn’t bad really. At least I came in second! As we were walking out, Pinkie told me an unfunny joke, and we were both laughing really hard. I was laughing because of how funny the stupidity of the joke was. Oh shut up, readers! I know what you’re gonna say! As we were both laughing, I went up close to Pinkie and gave her an angry laugh, which kinda confused her. Just as we were heading out, I saw my friends Crystal Iceblast and Black Thunder just finishing their bowling game.
“Oh snap! FLARE!” Crystal yelled as she hugged me.
“Whoa- Hey there, Crystal!” I said.
“HI FLARE!” Crystal yelled in my face.
“Yeah…. Hey.” I said.
“HI FLARE!” Crystal yelled in my face again.
“HI CRYSTAL!” Pinkie yelled in Crystal’s face.
“HI PINKIE!” Crystal yelled in Pinkie’s face, which was still pretty close to my ears…. Ow.
“What’s up, Flare?” Thunder asked as he gave me a bro-hoof.
“Not much, Thunder! Just bowling with the prettiest mare in the world!” I said to him.
“No, that’s what I’m doing!” Thunder said.
“You’re bowling with Pinkie?” I asked.
“No I’m bowling with Crystal.” Thunder corrected me.
“Well what are you doing then? I thought you said you were bowling with the prettiest mare in the world?” I asked.
“I am!” Thunder said.
“Ok you’re not making a *hic* of sense.” I said. That last hic was actually a hiccup.
“Now, now boys. We’re both equally pretty.” Crystal said, breaking up the argument. “I’m just more equal than Pinkie is.”
“Heeey! No you’re not! I’m more equal than you!” Pinkie corrected her.
“I’m more equal than you!” Crystal argued with her.
“No, I am!” Pinkie argued back.
”No, I am!”
“I am!”
“I am!”
”IIIIIII AAAAAAAMMMM!” Pinkie yelled.
“Alright, alright girls! Calm down! It doesn’t really matter! We’re all friends here!” Thunder said.
“It’s just some of us are friendlier than others.” I added.
“Shut it, Flare.” Thunder said, chuckling. “We don’t wanna start another argument.
“Or do we?” I said, looking back in forth suspiciously.
“Arguing is fun!” Pinkie said.
“I second that!” Crystal said.
“No, I second that!” Pinkie argued with her.
“No, I do!”
“I do!”
“I DO!”
“IIIIIIIIIIII DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“You know what, Thunder? Pinkie and I are going to go play mini-golf for our date tomorrow. Maybe we can make it a double-date, and you and Crystal can come!” I suggested.
“That’s a great idea, Flare!” Thunder said.
“It was my idea!” Crystal said.
“Sounds like fun, Pinks?” I asked her.
“Well, duh!” she said. “Mini-golf is super-dooper fun game! Just gonna swing that ball until it goes all those acres to get to the hole!” she explained, simulating the game by holding an imaginary golf club and whacking the ball.
“That’s regula-“ I was about to say, but then I heard a window break in the distance.
“HEY! Who’s imaginary golf ball is this?!” a voice asked from the distance.
“That’s regular golf you were doing, Pinkie.” I corrected her. “Mini-golf is where you gently hit the golf ball into a wind mill or something, and try to hit a hole close by.” I said as I simulated the game by holding an imaginary golf club and gently hitting the imaginary ball. Just then, Allie Way was walking by and she trips on the imaginary golf club, and falls on the floor.
“As long as we’re not filing any lawsuits, I guess it shouldn’t be a problem going on our golf date tomorrow.” Thunder said.
“So… see you guys tomorrow at 8?” I asked.
“You betcha!” Thunder said.
“Wait, is the location going to be 8, or the time?” Crystal asked. “Because I had that once before.”
So we all left the bowling alley and when Allie Way was trying to get up, Derpy walked by and she tripped on the imaginary golf ball and landed on her. “Yay! Do it again!” Derpy yelled in excitement.
The next night came; Pinkie and I were waiting for Thunder and Crystal to show up. I got the two of us some hot cocoa, since it was snowing out there. “Here’s your hot cocoa, Pinks!” I said, giving her a cup.
“YIPPIE!” she yelled and started drinking it in one gulp.
“So have you ever watched Wipe Out before?” I asked her. Then she spit out her cocoa right onto my face.
“YES! It’s such a funny show, Flare!” she said really fast. “You know I’d want to compete on Wipe Out, but Mrs. Cakes said it was too dangerous, which I know it’s too dangerous, but I don’t care, because it’ll be so super-super fun! Rainbow Dash said it would be awesome if I went on, and we went on together, we’d be an unstoppable team, and so…” she kept talking and talking and talking and talking, but I didn’t care, not one bit! But that doesn’t mean I was listening though. I was mainly making funny moves with my lips. Eventually, Crystal came to join the party. “CRYSTAL’S HERE!” Pinkie yelled.
”SO IS PINKIE!” Crystal yelled. Then they both playfully screamed at each other, and I was holding my ears.
“Yeah! So, what’s up Crystal?” I asked.
“Nothing much! I’m ready to play some golf!” Crystal said.
“SO AM I! Golf is so much fun!” Pinkie said, using her imaginary golf club again.
“So where is-“ I was about to say, but I heard loud ‘OW’. “So where is Thunder, Crystal?”
“Well I’m not sure who Thunder Crystal is, but Thundy’s getting our stuff over at the booth.” Crystal said.
“I hope he gets me the red ball. I won’t play golf with any other color but the red one.” I said.
“I hear ya. Thundy knows I only like playing with the green golf ball.” Crystal said.
“I like the pink ball!” Pinkie said.
“Obviously.” I said, chuckling and rolling my eyes.
“I know it’s so obvious!” Pinkie said excitedly. “Pink matches my bedsheets! That’s why I love it so much!”
“So while we wait, let me tell you what happened to me today.” Crystal said. “You all know Shadow Flash right?”
“I know him well!” I said.
”He sneezed today.” Crystal said.
Pinkie gasped. “THAT IS SO COOL! I can sneeze too!”
“Well, did anything interesting happen when he sneezed?” I asked.
“Yeah, he closed his eyes while he sneezed.” Crystal said.
“Yeah, I can never get that sometimes. Why do our eyes always get forced shut while we sneeze?” Pinkie asked.
“I know right? It’s not as if any of the snot will go in there. The nose is just right underneath the eyes. There’s no way any of the snot can go in there.” Crystal said.
“Yeah, trust me, I’ve tried.” Pinkie said.
“And what were the results?” Crystal asked.
“I ended up sneezing on Gummy.” Pinkie said.
“Oooo! Did he get sick?” Crystal asked.
“Well, that’s a stupid question. Alligators can’t get pony sicknesses, unless they were rats.” Pinkie said.
“I think rat’s DNAs are more similar to ponies.” Crystal said.
“Actually, they’re similar to human DNA.” I corrected her.
“Shut it, Flare, you’re not in this conversation.” Crystal said.
“Yeah!” Pinkie agreed. “I wonder which species is closest to pony DNA?”
“Probably horses.” Crystal said. I gave myself a facehoof and groaned, but why am I the one getting annoyed? I’m usually the annoyING, not the annoyED.
Meanwhile with Thunder, he walked over to the golf booth to get the golf clubs and balls for us. He rung the bell and the pretty blue mare came up to him and said; “Well hello, handsome!”
“Hey! I’ll like four golf clubs and four balls please. One white, one green, one pink, and one brown. Flare said he’d kill me if he didn’t get brown.” Thunder said.
“Not a problem!” the mare said said. “What is a handsome stallion like you doing out in the cold without a proper warm clothing?”
“Thanks for your concern, but I’m fine.” Thunder said.
“Here, I’ll give you a jacket, maybe I’ll make some hot tea for you!” the mare offered.
“No thank you.” Thunder said. “I have to get back to my friends, and…”
“Oh they can wait.” the mare said. “Just come in! Come in! I’ll make you some tea!”
“Well…. If you insist.” Thunder said weirdly.
“You won’t regret it.” The mare said, opening the door for him, giving an evil look. “You know, I never let ponies back here unless I know I can trust them!”
“I didn’t think you’d trust me that much. Do I know you from somewhere?” Thunder asked.
“Not that I recall.” The mare said, pouring some tea in two cups. “You seem to be exhausted.”
“Well, it was kind of a rough day on me today.” Thunder said.
”Aww, talk to me about it, maybe I can help.” The mare said, massaging his shoulders. Thunder started feeling a little uncomfortable.
“Well, uhhh… I got ripped off today at lunch. The waitress gave me the incorrect amount of change. She was 1 bit short! It made me upset, but I already left the restaurant until I found out.” Thunder said.
“Aww, poor you.” The mare said.
“Yeah. By the way, my name is Black Thunder.” Thunder said.
The mare giggled. “Black Thunder, huh? Sounds like a cute name! A cute name for a cute stallion like yourself!” she said, giving him a seductive look, staring close to him.
“Look, if you’re trying anything, I already have a marefriend.” Thunder said.
“Oh… well… I bet she doesn’t please you that much, does she?” the mare asked.
“Crystal Iceblast is the best, prettiest, funniest pony I have ever met, and I will not be tempted by a very hot and attractive that I should kiss right now mare such as yourself!” Thunder said.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, Thundy.” The mare nodded. “I’ll let you go. But first, please drink this tea I made for you.”
“I’m not really thirsty right now, thank you.” Thunder said, walking slowly to the door.
“Please?! It’s all I want.” The mare stood in front of him with sad puppy eyes and said. Thunder knew that it was a bad idea, but he knew not to say ‘no’ to a pony in need.
“Ok. I’ll have one cup of tea, but then I’m taking the golf stuff, and I’m going to go play golf with my friends, got it?” Thunder asked.
“Nothing more.” The mare said.
“Ok, give me the tea.” Thunder said, sitting down. The mare gave Thunder the tea and he was a bit nervous, but he drank it slowly. Just then, he started to smile. “You know, maybe I was being a little too…. Hasty. Crystal isn’t as hot and attractive as you.” He said, rubbing under her chin.
“Well… that might be true.” The mare blushed.
“She doesn’t have to know. This will be between us.” Thunder said, holding her.
“Oh I second that!” the mare said giggling.
“Oh and just to let you know, I have herpes.” Thunder said.
“Doesn’t disgust me.” the mare said.
“Ew! You’re attractive and all, but you’re sick.” Thunder complained. “Almost as sick as babysitting.”
A cutaway shows Crystal sitting on her couch talking to Thunder on the phone. “Thundy, you’re the one that has to take care of him, alright? It’s none of my business. Just change his diaper, it’s not that hard. I don’t care if he smells like number two. He’s your grandpa and that’s what families do. No I will not get Flare involved with this. No, not Blaze either. Actually… I think Psyche might do.” The cutaway ends.
Back with me, Crystal, and Pinkie, those two kept blabbering on about sneezing and other weird stuff that girls like to talk about. I don’t hang with girls often so how would I know? Crystal is usually tomboyish, Water just talks about her looks and her world trip, Crèmepop just likes talking about what I wanna talk about, and I don’t hang with the Mane Six that much, except for Fluttershy and Pinkie; although, Flutters isn’t really the best conversationalist, and Pinkie just talks random like me. Yeah those are all the mares I normally hang with. I was currently feeling REALLY bored! “You know, maybe I should go check on Thunder.” I said to the mares.
“Alright, Flarey!” Pinkie said.
“It’ll give Pinkie and I some…. Mare time!” Crystal said.
“Yeah mare time!” Pinkie repeated.
“I said it first.” Crystal said.
“Sure thing, sistas!” I said to them, and then I walked over to the golf stand to check how Thundy was doing. The kiosk was closed though and Thunder was nowhere to be found. “Thundy? Thundy where are you, brah?” I called out for him but there was no response. I heard some giggling going on inside the booth so I just knocked on the door. “Hello? Is somepony saying a funny joke in there?” I asked. “Because of you are I need to hear it! It better has something to do with thumb tacks.” I opened the door, and I saw Thunder cuddling with the blue mare. Just cuddling though, nothing else, and there was kissing… and… umm… maybe there was a bit of… umm… tongue? But that’s it. Then again… Thundy wasn’t… umm… I think I should stop there. “THUNDER?!” I yelled.
“What?” Thunder asked, but then he shook his head real fast. “W-what just happened? WHERE AM I?!” He nervously looked over to the mare and the mare gave him a big wink. Thunder was freaked out.
“THUNDY HOW COULD YOU?!” I yelled.
“FLARE, IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!” Thunder yelled.
“Is… HE your marefriend?” the mare asked.
“Wha- NO! He’s just a friend.” Thunder said.
“THUNDY, HOW COULD YOU?!” I freaked out. “I asked you to do one simple thing, and you end up rolling around in golf balls! Did you forget the Friendship Agreement?! If you roll around in anything ball shaped, I’M SUPPOSED TO BE A PART OF IT!”
“Wow… he’s just as I remembered.” The mare said.
“Wait, what do you say?” I asked her. “Who are you?”
“Phew… at least he didn’t think I was cheating on Crystal.” Thunder said.
“THUNDY YOU WERE CHEATING ON CRYSTAL?! TATOR!” I yelled out.
“NO, NO! It’s not what you think, Flare!” Thunder yelled nervously.
“TATOR TOT!” I yelled.
“NO! I really don’t know how this happened!” Thunder yelled.
“TATOR TOT!” I yelled.
“NO! I-it must be the tea!” Thunder yelled.
“TATOR TOT!” I yelled.
“NO! There must’ve been something in this tea, must’ve drugged me!” Thunder explained.
“TATOR TOT!” I yelled. Inside my throat were two ponies working a machine, and the word ‘TATOR TOT’ was riding through a conveyor belt, and getting shot up the tube.
“WE NEED MORE TATOR TOT’S DOWN HERE NOW!” one of the workers said.
“We’re trying! We’re running out of T’s!” a worker from the distance called out.
“Just rip off the bottom of the I’s and send them down here!” the pony near the machine suggested.
“But that’ll give us a lot of paper work!” the pony from the distance reminded him.
“I’ll take the heat! Just rip off the bottom of the I’s and send them down!” the pony near the machine instructed.
Back with Thunder and I, we were standing outside the booth. Thunder was nervous and I was concern. “Thunder, were you just cheating on Crystal?” I asked.
“Look, the mare drugged me alright? I’d never betray Crystal like this! She’s my special somepony! You have to believe me, Flare!” Thunder begged.
“I believe you, brah.” I nodded. “You can never trust these mares. I one time knew this mare back in Mareami named Blueberry Pie, and she did the same thing to some of the stallions in my school. You have to be careful around these mares, bro.”
“I know, and…. I feel ashamed!” Thunder said, holding his eyes.
”If we just explain it to Crystal, no harm will be done.” I said.
“We can’t tell Crystal!” Thunder freaked out and grabbed my vest. “She’ll break up with me for sure! It’ll break her heart! We can’t tell her!”
“We won’t if you let go of my jacket!” I said angrily at him. Thunder lets go of my jacket quickly, and I fixed it.
“Look, can you just keep this between us, Flare?” Thunder asked.
“Of course! You’re one of my best friends; I can’t betray you like this!” I said.
“Thank you, Flare. I mean it, it means a lot to me.” Thunder said, patting my shoulder.
“But next time you grab my jacket, or my vest for that matter, I’ll rip your chest hairs off.” I threatened him.
“I don’t have chest hairs.” Thunder corrected me. I then pulled off one of Thunder’s hairs from his fur on his chest. “OW!” he cried.
“Then what is this?” I asked him, showing him the piece of fur.
“Alright, alright! I won’t grab your jacket anymore.” Thunder promised.
“Good. I also hope you were going to get me the red ball.” I smirked at him.
“Umm… yeah, of course, Flare! I was totally going to get you the red ball!” Thunder lied.
“Well good, now how about we play some golf, huh?” I suggested.
“Yeah… of course!” Thunder said as he continued to get nervous.
So the two of us walked back over to Pinkie and Crystal, but meanwhile, that pretty mare chuckles as she walks over to that blasted pig, Doctor Swinebutt over at the other end of the park! “It’s done, Doctor! Thunder has officially betrayed Crystal.” The mare said.
“Ah! Excellent work, Blueberry Pie!” Swinebutt said. “Phase One of my plan has been complete! Now we must work on phase two: Have either Flare or Thunder spill the beans!” Swinebutt said mischieviously. “And then, when Flare is busy trying to get Thunder and Crystal back together, we’ll break into his shop, steal his secret recipe, and bring it over to my shop, and we’ll put Flare out of business for good!” Swinebutt started to laugh evilly and snorted about.
“Whatever, Porky. My work here is done.” Blueberry said and then she gave him a kiss on the nose, and walked off.
“Don’t worry, my dear! Soon I’ll have my vengeance!” Swinebutt said.
“Porky, dear… you do realize I’m VERY attracted to evil, right?” Blueberry asked as she rubs under Swinebutt’s chin with her tail.
“Stop stating the obvious, it’s dumb!” Swinebutt advised her.
“Ooo, I like your evilness!” Blueberry said seductively.
“It’s not evil, babe. IT’S SCIENCE!” Swinebutt yelled.
“Whatever, baby. Science is evil anyway.” Blueberry said.
“HOW DARE YOU?!” Swinebutt yelled.
“Oh pipe down, you evil thing you.” Blueberry said as she walks around Swinebutt with her tail in his face.
“Oooooh…” Swinebutt blushed and snorted, “For you, Blueberry.”
Meanwhile, Thunder and I walked back over to Crystal and Pinkie.
“Hey there you boys are! Ready to play some golf?” Crystal asked. I started laughing embarrassingly and crazy.
“Where have you two been?” Pinkie asked.
“We were just getting out of an affair-“ I said then Thunder punched me in the arm. “I mean, we’re trying to get a fair deal for these golf clubs. Such turned on prices!” Thunder punched me in the arm again. “I mean, rip-off your clothes prices!” Thunder punched me yet again. “I mean rip-off prices!” Then I started laughing like crazy again.
“Wow, and ponies thought I was crazy.” Pinkie said and giggled.
“Yep! But I can always rely on my Thundy-Wundy to get things done! I love you, Thundy!” Crystal said sweetly giving him a cuddle. Thunder got nervous because he’s afraid that Crystal will know what happened. We played our game of golf. It was tied between Pinkie and Crystal, I was third place, and Thunder was really nervous throughout the whole game. He kept telling Crystal how much he loved her, even more than usual. If you ask me, I think that’s one way of spilling the beans, but then again Crystal is a strange one, like Pinkie, she’ll never know…. Maybe. Later that night, I met up with Blaze, Aqua, Engie, and Psyche over at our usual hideout at the cider bar.
“And then that’s how I got Candy Cotton to do her chores.” Blaze said, finishing his story.
“Making a contest outta chores, huh Blaze? Sounds genius!” Engie said.
“Thanks, Engineer! I swear, when Rainbow and I finally have our kid, that’s how I’ll get her to do her chores.” Blaze said. I sighed.
“Flare, ya’ve been quiet. Is there something on ya mind?” Aqua asked.
“A tumor.” I said.
“It’s not a tumah!” Blaze said in a Terminator accent.
“Seriously, mate. Ya look upset.” Aqua said. “Even more upset than when the day ya were pulled over.”
A cutaway shows me stopping my carriage after a police officer pulled me over. He detached himself from the carriage and walked over to me. “There a problem, officer?” I asked.
“Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?” the officer asked.
“No.” I said.
“Oh… dang. I was hoping you could remind me.” the officer said. The cutaway ends.
“Well…. I promised Thunder I wouldn’t say a thing, but I feel like I need to tell somepony.” I said.
“Tell us anything!” Psyche said.
“Well…. I saw him…. umm….” I stuttered.
“Cheatin’ on Crystal?” Engie asked.
“How did you know that?” I asked.
“If stallions ever want to hold in a secret, it’s most likely from their moms or their special someponies.” Engie said. “And you’d have no idea how many secrets ah kept from mah mom.”
“But she’s a robot though.” Psyche reminded him.
“REALLY?! You think ah don’t know that?!” Engie asked him angrily. “Stupid Psyche.”
“You can’t call me stupid, Engie. I’m the one with the PH.D.” Psyche said mischievously as he chuckled a bit.
“Well that’s not like him. He’s really loyal to Crystal, so I’ve heard.” Blaze said.
“Yeah I know. How can he do this?” I asked.
“Flare, relationships are a powerful type of friendships. More powerful than the friendships between the Mane Six. That’s why I haven’t had a relationship yet, I don’t want to risk making any mistakes. I need to have more money first.” Psyche explained.
“Yeah, but I don’t know what to do. I feel that I’ll accidentally spill the beans!” I said. My friend Dark Runner walks by carrying a bowl of beans and he sits down at the table behind me.
“Flare, you know what? This is yer chance!” Engie said.
”What do you mean?” I asked.
“Ah mean, ya can use Thunder. Threaten to expose his mistake if he doesn’t do what ya say.” Engie suggested.
“What are you saying, Engie?” I asked.
“Aww man, I spilled my beans!” Dark Runner complained behind us.
“HA!” Blaze laughed.
“He means, you can get Thunder to do whatever you want him to do, and if he doesn’t do what you say, you can tell Crystal on him.” Psyche said.
“What? That’s not right! Thunder is my friend, and I’m loyal to him.” I said.
“Yeah, guys, seriously!” Blaze agreed.
“Yeah, but you seen what he did was disloyal to Crystal. We’ll see how he feels about it!” Engie suggexted.
“Well… I guess it wouldn’t hurt. He has that cool bubblegum machine I’ve always wanted for my shop.” I said.
“Bingo!” Engie said.
“Now Flare, isn’t that wrong? Ya can’t do that to Thunder. Ya’ll lose his friendship with him.” Aqua warned me.
“Ahh don’t ruin the fun for him Aqua! It’s perfect!” Engie said.
“Besides, you’re hiding something from Crystal, and you’ll get part of the blame if you hide it from her!” Psyche said.
“That is true, brah.” I nodded.
”Flare, I’m telling ya, don’t do it. Two wrongs don’t make a right ya know.” Aqua said.
“No, but three rights make a left, right Flare?” Psyche teased, and then I laughed.
“Just for making me laugh Psyche, I’m giving you a gold star on your ‘Making Me Lawl’ chart.” I said, giving him a gold star under his name. He had the least amount of stars than anypony else, that’s his second star. Aqua has 6 stars, Blaze has 8, Engie has 12, and Crystal has 31.
“Yay!” Psyche cheered, clapping his hooves.
“Well, I hope I don’t feel like Spike after I blew his nose.” I said. Another cutaway shows Spike and I sitting on my couch. “Hey Spike?” I said to him and then I blew in his nose and his head exploded and confetti came out. “Hahahaha! Evolve much?” I teased him.
I know this is a bad idea, I should know better. I mean… I haven’t made any mistakes since chapter 12! I’m doing great so far, but now I’m gonna ruin it. Thanks a lot Engie and Psyche! You two are bad influences on me. Mainly you Engie. Later that night, Thunder and Crystal were sleeping, but Crystal woke up after she heard a noise downstairs. “Thundy, Thundy wake up!” Crystal whispered to him.
“N-no, shoot, that was my last quarter.” Thunder said in his sleep.
“Wake up!” Crystal said a little louder as she shook him.
“Huh-oh, what?” Thunder asked as he woke up.
“I think there’s an uninvited trespasser downstairs!” Crystal whispered.
“B-but, all trespassers are uninvited, how can there be an invited trespasser?” Thunder asked.
“Get up!” Crystal demanded, pushing him out of bed, and then she got up and grabbed a baseball bat.
“Hey, wait a minute! Where’s my weapon?” Thunder asked.
“Oh, right… umm….” Crystal thought for a second and then she grabs the fresh scent spray and gives it to him.
“Ahh perfect! You’ll whack the living crud outta them, and I’ll make them smell like a springtime meadow!” Thunder said smiling.
“Right!” Crystal nodded. So they both tip-hooved down the stairs and into the hallway as Crystal was humming the Pink Panther theme song until Thunder finally shushed her. Crystal then zipped her lip…. No really she did, it was an actual zipper. As Thunder and Crystal were looking around, Crystal started mumbling.
“What?” Thunder asked.
Crystal then unzipped her lip and whispered, “I think we should split up.”
“What?! I did not cheat on you, I swear!” Thunder whispered nervously.
“What? No! Where did you get that from?” Crystal asked confusingly.
Thunder realized that it was not what she meant. “Nothing, nevermind.”
Crystal then tip-hooved over to the kitchen as Thunder checked the living room. They went in a circle and then they bumped into eachother; they got startled and Crystal started whacking Thunder with the baseball bat, and Thunder started spraying at her with the fresh scent can, but then they finally realized what’s going on. Thunder got up and turned on the lights. Thunder was all bruised up, and Crystal started coughing.
“Aww, Crystal! I can’t believe you whacked me a million times with that baseball bat!” Thunder complained.
“I can’t believe you made me smell like a Hearth’s Warming tree!” Crystal complained.
“Alright, you check inside the house if the robber is still here, I’ll check the backyard.” Thunder instructed him.
“Sounds good, Thundy! Be careful!” Crystal advised him.
“You too.” Thunder said. Thunder walks over to the sliding glass door, unlocks it, and then opens it, and speak of the Wizard of Hope! There I was, relaxing in Thundy’s hot tub.
“Hey Thundy! Holy Wizard of Strength, did Crystal finally know?” I asked as I observed his bruises.
“What- Flare?! What are you doing here?” Thunder asked.
“Oh I was feeling like I needed to relax, so I decided to use your hot tub.” I said.
“Can’t you use the one in the public pool?” Thunder asked.
“Nah, this one is more private.” I said. “Besides, if I pee in this one, nopony would be suspicious. I mean… I don’t think they would anyway. It’s a hot tub, and pee is hot, but it doesn’t make it hotter, so I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference.”
“Get out!” Thunder ordered me.
“Oh no, Thundy, you’re gonna show me a little more respect, brah. Things are gonna be changing around here.” I said to him mischievously.
“What are you getting at, Flare?” Thunder asked.
“I’m getting at, unless you want me to tell Crystal about your little incident, you’ll start doing what I say!” I said.
“You wouldn’t dare!” Thunder said nervously.
“OH CRYSTAL?!” I yelled out.
“FINE, FINE! Shhhh! I’ll do what you say.” Thunder said angrily.
“How about showing a little smile on your face first?” I asked.
“Ok, Flare, I’ll do what you say.” Thunder said with a fake smile.
“Say it like Mickey Mouse.” I ordered him.
“Ok, Flare, I’ll do what you say. Oh-ho!” Thunder repeated in a Mickey Mouse voice.
“Now do it in a terminator accent.” I ordered him.
”Okeh, Flare, ah’ll do what you saeh.” Thunder repeated in a terminator accent.
“HA HA HA HA! That’s hilarious, brah!” I said. “By the way, when did you get a hot tub?”
“This isn’t mine, it’s Crystal’s.” Thunder corrected me.
“Thundy? What’s going on out there?” Crystal yelled out from the inside. Thunder looked at me nervously, and I just smirked at him and shook my head.
“Nothing, Crystal! It was probably just the wind!” Thunder answered.
“Good boy, Thundy! Good boy!” I said nodding.
“Thanks.” Thunder said.
“Ah ah ah!” I interrupted him. “No speaky to the Flare, until the Flare speaky to you!”
“This is going to be a tough week for me, I can tell.” Thunder said, facehooving himself.
The next morning came and Thunder went outside to retrieve his newspaper when suddenly I popped out of nowhere, jumped on his back, and Thunder started kicking around like a bull. “WHOA! WHAT THE?!” Thunder yelled.
“Giddy up, horsey! Yeee haw!” I yelled out, riding on his back. Eventually he was rough enough for me to fall off his back. I fell to the ground and I started laughing. “That was fun! I’ve always wanted to ride on a bull!”
“I’m not a bull!” Thunder yelled at me.
“YES YOU ARE!” I corrected him.
“Why did you do that for?” Thunder asked.
“You’re my servant now; you must do what I say.” I said smirking at him.
“Look, just because I made a simple mistake and you know my secret, doesn’t mean you get to boss me around and such.” Thunder advised me.
“Well…. unless you want me to tell Crystal about what happened, you won’t have to do what I say.” I said.
“Alright, Flare, alright!” Thunder said as he rubbed his head. “What else is there that you want your hinneyness?” he said sarcastically.
“OH! You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” I asked.
“I’m almost too afraid to ask.” Thunder said.
“A market cart joust!” I said.
“What?” Thunder asked.
“We go on market carts, and do a joust! You know what a joust is?” I asked.
“I know what a joust is, Flare.” Thunder said with an attitude.
“Good because I don’t.” I said.
“Actually, a market cart joust sounds pretty fun!” Thunder said.
“Oh if you have fun with it, then let me change a few things.” I said with a smirk.
“I’m the one that carries the big stick in trying to get you off your cart, and all you carry is spoon!” I said.
“Hey, at least it’s easier for me to dodge.” Thunder said, shrugging.
“Dodging is against the rules in joust.” I reminded him.
“What? No it’s not.” Thunder corrected me.
“Want me to tell Crystal our little secret?” I asked.
Thunder sighed. “Fine. Let’s do the joust!”
“Praise the Wizards!” I yelled in excitement. So we went over to the market place and took a couple of carts. I took the corn cart and Thunder took the lima bean cart. “Aw man! I wanted the lima bean cart!” I said.
“Wanna switch carts?” Thunder asked.
“No, it’s fine. Here’s your spoon.” I said as I gave him a spoon.
“I’m starting to have second thoughts about this, bro.” Thunder said.
“Hey, it’s your choice to back out. I mean, if you want to keep Crystal in your arms, you’d do this for her.” I reminded him.
“Yeah, I suppose.” Thunder said.
“C’mon! You said it yourself, it’ll be fun!” I said.
“That’s true.” He said nodding.
“Get on your cart and let’s head to those twin hills over there.” I instructed him as I pointed to the hills at the landscape up ahead. I took my cart up the left hill while Thunder put his on the right and we put some blocks on the wheels so the carts won’t slide down ride away. The two of us sat on top of the cars, wearing armor, and I was carrying the big stick joust stick while Thundy was carrying a plastic spoon. “Ready, Thundy?” I asked.
“I don’t wanna do this!” Thunder yelled nervously.
“GO!” I yelled as I removed the blocks from both of our wheels. Our carts started rolling down the hills and I put out my joust stick, pointing it right at Thundy, and Thundy nervously put out his spoon and we both started going really fast at eachother. I just looked at him mischievously, but Thundy was feeling really nervous, but just as we were close to eachother, our carts crashed right into eachother and we were all bruised and cut up in the debris.
“Ugh! I told you this was a bad idea!” Thundy yelled as he crawled out of the debris.
I stuck out my head on top of the debris and I was all bruised up too, but I smiled. “What are you talking about, man? That went exactly as I wanted it to go!”
Later on, back at my shop, I just finished a pizza for Spark Note, and then Thunder walked out of the bathrooms wearing rubber gloves. He went up to me and said, “Ok, Flare. I cleaned your bathrooms, unrusted your pizza trays, changed the light bulb on the L in your sign outside, scrapped off all the gum under your tables, undusted the picture frames, and fixed that pipe leak on top of the stage.”
“Awesome work, Thundy! I knew I can count on you!” I said excitedly.
“I’m starting to question our friendship right now because of all this.” Thunder said.
“Unfriend me and it’ll be the last time you see Crystal smiling at you.” I said.
“I can only take so much you know.” Thunder warned me.
“It’s alright, Thundy. There are just a few more things I want, and we’ll call it even.” I said.
“And what’s that?” Thunder asked. Back at Thunder’s house, Crystal was chatting with Pinkie about the toilet paper in the bathroom upstairs, when suddenly, Thundy and I were carrying out a flatscreen TV.
“Thanks for the TV, Thundy! I knew you’d make the right choice! My shop needed another TV.” I said.
“AAAH! Repo stallions!” Pinkie yelled.
“Thundy? Why are you giving Flare our TV?” Crystal asked.
“Yeah, Thunder. Why?” I asked him with a smirk.
Thunder sighed and said, “Because Flare is the bestest friends a stallion can ever hope for, and he makes better shooting noises than I do.”
“Pew, pew, pew!” I said.
“Oh how sweet of you Thunder!” Crystal said, smiling at him.
“Aww Flarey, aren’t you lucky to have a great friend like Thunder?” Pinkie asked.
“I sure am, Pinks! I sure am!” I said as I winked at Thunder. Thunder just rolled his eyes. Later that night, I walked out of Thunder’s bathroom, carrying a newspaper and whistling.
“Enjoying my bathroom?” Thunder asked.
“I sure did, Thundy!” I said, smiling at him, but the smile ended quickly. “B-T-W, you might need to call a plumber.
“Did you clog my toilet again?” Thunder asked.
“No, I clogged your sink again.” I corrected him.
“Flare, I can’t do this anymore!” Thunder said.
“You’re right skateboarding is so overrated, huh?” I asked.
“No! I love skateboarding, dude! It’s just…. I don’t want to be your servant anymore. I don’t want Crystal to know about my accidental affair though, but I don’t want to be your slave, alright?” Thunder explained.
“It’s alright, brah. I’m done!” I said.
“I’m not gonna do anything more, because I- Wait, did you say you were done?” Thunder asked.
“Yep! I don’t need you to do anything more for me.” I said.
“Y-you don’t?” Thunder asked.
”No. Look…. I didn’t want to do this at first, but my friends talked me into it, and it sounded cool at first, but it didn’t make me feel right.” I said.
“So…. It was Rainbow Dash that did it?” Thunder asked.
“What? No! This isn’t Book 1 anymore! I don’t hang out with the Mane Six as much as I used to, I hang with the Nobles now.” I reminded him.
“Oh…. I see.” Thunder said nodding.
“I apologize brah. I mean, I was going to get you to do something worse tonight, but I changed my mind.” I said.
“Well…. at least I know you won’t tell Crystal about my affair.” Thunder said in relief.
“I know, brah, and to be honest, I wasn’t going to anyway if you disobeyed me.” I said. Just then, I looked behind Thunder and saw Crystal. “Oh hey, Crystal!”
“Huh? Oh hey, babe!” Thunder said to her, but Crystal had a shocking look on her face. “Uhh, babe? You alright?”
“I… I don’t believe you! Thundy…. Is this true?” Crystal asked.
“Hey you rhymed!” I said to Crystal.
“Thundy…. You…. Had an affair?” Crystal asked.
Thunder was silent for a sec. “I… yes…” Thunder admitted.
“OH SNAP!” Crystal yelled with tears in her eyes.
“Crystal! I’m sorry! Please, don’t go!” Thunder begged.
“It’s too late, Thundy! You ruined my trust! I can’t believe you’d do this to me!” Crystal started crying and she ran into the bedroom and locked the door.
“CRYSTAL!” Thunder begged as he pulled on the door on the door and knocked on it many times. “Crystal, come out! I’m sorry!”
Suddenly, I just popped out, facing the camera with a Looney Tunes tube behind me. I then laughed and said; “It looks like I got a pony in another situation! How will I get him out of this one? Stay tuned!” Then I started singing. “Because we have Blaze, and Aqua, and Engie, and Psyche; and all your cartoon paaaaaaaals!”
Meanwhile, over at my shop, Dr. Swinebutt started sneaking over to my front door so he can break inside and take over my business. Before he could do anything, he heard something in the bushes. “What?” Swinebutt asked himself. He looked over but didn’t see anything. “Must be just the relative motion of oxygen gases.” He said and snorted. Swinebutt suddenly took out a small device and stuck it on the door, but the noise was heard in the bushes again. Swinebutt activated his mechanical horn and aimed it towards the bushes. “Who’s there? I know somepony is there!” he said cautiously and snorted. Just then, a pony came out and it was his former assistant and the one that tried to put my shop out of business: Boorlie Pomodoro.
“Doctor!” Boorlie said.
“Ah, Boorlie Pomodoro! You….. got out of the dungeon.” Swinebutt said.
“Yeah, exactly! I see you’re breaking into Flare’s shop, huh?” Boorlie assumed.
“Yes, in fact I am!” Swinebutt said.
“Trying to put him out of business, huh? Here, I can help you again, like old times! We both can take Flare’s shop out of business and rule it together. Teach him for putting me out of business!” Boorlie suggested angrily.
“Sorry, Boorlie, but you’re not my assistant anymore. I already told you that did I not?” Swinebutt reminded him.
“I know, but I was in the dungeon then. I’m here now! We can finally have our revenge on Flare Gun for ruining us both!” Boorlie suggested.
“Boorlie, let me tell you something. You are a worthless, spineless wimp.” Swinebutt insulted him. “You already failed me once and I never give second chances for those who failed epically.”
“Doctor Swinebutt! I know we had some difficulties in the past, but I assure you, it will not happen again! Please, doctor! Gimmie another chance!” Boorlie begged.
“I have a policy, Boorlie. No second chances, no excuses! That, and we can only use Puff’s tissues, not the leading brand.” Swinebutt said. Then he used his mechanical horn to electric shock him and he falls on the ground.
“Swinebutt….. why?” Boorlie asked weakly.
“I told you why. Now get out of my sight! Make yourself useful, and get lost!” Swinebutt demanded as he blew his nose with Puff’s tissues. “Ahh, so very soft. Helps my nose not get all red and stuff.” Swinebutt then started pressing buttons on his little device to attempt to break into my shop.
“So that’s the way it’s gonna be, huh?” Boorlie asked, feeling betrayed.
“I SAID…. GET LOST!” Swinebutt ordered him with a glowing look in his red eyes. Then the little device that was on my door used a little plasmatic burst to make a little hole on my doo, without destroying the glass. It’s kinda complicated to explain. Swinebutt crawls right in and then the device shuts off, fixing the door.
“So that’s how it’s going to be, huh Swinebutt?” Boorlie asked. “Flare is still my enemy, but now it seems I have two! Go ahead and take over his business, you pig!” Boorlie goes over and looks at Swinebutt’s BBQ shop across the street. “Because I have another revenge plan to comprehend.” He then laughed evilly.
“Oooo, I like a stallion with a sweet taste of revenge.” Blueberry Pie said seductively to him as she leaned on his shoulder.
“Who are you?” Boorlie asked.
“Blueberry Pie; you know me, Boorlie.” Blueberry corrected him.
“Oh… I didn’t recognize you for a second there. Is that a new look?” Boorlie asked.
“Sort of. It’s a disguise so if Flare ever sees me, he wouldn’t recognize me.” Blueberry said. “I needed to make my plan with Swinebutt work, and the only way to do that was to make me not look familiar to anypony who knows me.”
“Looks like it worked. Now since you’re attractive to evil and all, how about helping me get into Swinebutt’s bloody shop and help me takeover it?” Boorlie suggested.
Later that night, Thundy was sobbing on his sofa and I was trying to comfort him. “I… I can’t believe she broke up with me!”
“Hey, it could be worst, brah. It could be worse.” I said.
“WORSE?! How can it be worse?! My special somepony is gone and it’s all your fault!” Thunder yelled at me.
“My fault? My fault!? You were the one that spilled the beans!” I reminded him.
“Oh no! Not again!” a voice in the background yelled out.
“Yeah, but…. I dunno man. I’m so stressed out right now! I can’t live without Crystal! She’s….. she means everything to me!” Thunder said as he continued weeping.
”I know, Thundy. I know, but look at it this way! This is your chance to go out and see other mares! Simple is that!” I suggested.
“I dunno, bro. Crystal is the only pony for me. I dunno if seeing other mares is actually a good idea.” Thunder said.
“Trust me, man! Once I’m done with you, you’ll be as happy as witch in a broom factory!” A cutaway gag shows a witch flying around in a broom factory and laughing really hard. She goes down near one of the factory workers and demands for the broom in one the worker’s hooves.
“Oh.” The worker said as he gives it to her. The witch starts flying around and laughing again. “I’m gonna stick up to her!” the worker said.
“No you’re not.” Another worker said.
“I know.” The first worker said upsettingly.
Two ponies on a stage were playing their guitars, and one of them says; “You know, when ponies save hundreds of bits by switching to Geico sure are happy.”
“How happy are they, Johnny?” the other guitar pony asked.
“Happier than a witch in a broom factory.” Johnny said.
“Get happy, get Geico! 15 minutes could save you 15% or more.” A voice in the background said as the Geico logo appears on the screen, and the witch continues flying around. The cutaway ends.
Later on, I took Thundy to the skateboarding park just outside of town. We were sitting on a bench next to a straw-shaped ramp. “So Thundy, are you ready to meet some chicks?” I asked.
“I dunno about this, Flare.” Thunder said nervously. “You think I’m ready to get some chicks?”
“Of course! So let’s head over to Sweet Apple Acres and get some!” I said.
“Then why are we here?” Thunder asked.
“To find the perfect mare for you! After this, I was thinking of adopting a baby chicken.” I said.
“Oooook. So what do you think?” Thunder asked.
“Well, the skateboarding park is a great place to find that extreme pony you’ve always wanted! It can be any of these mares! Like that one, that one, or the one with the long blond hair.” The pony with the blond hair turned around and it was revealed to be a stallion. “… that looks like a stallion.”
“I’m not too sure about this.” Thunder said nervously.
“Trust me, brah! Have I failed you before?” I asked. Thunder looked back and started thinking about all the times I failed him, like installing some rockets in his skateboard, and he rides right into a train; and the time I got him to bungee jump from a plane, and he lands in front of a train; and the time I got him to try my jalapeno and pepperoncini, which gave Thunder some fire breath which blasted him right onto a bear, and then the bear chased Thunder until he ran into a train.
“I have no comment to say.” Thunder said.
“Look, brah. See all these pretty mares? It’s up to you, to win them over!” I said, poking his nose.
“Well… I’ll try.” Thunder said. So Thunder went up to a skateboarding mare who stopped for a juice box, and he said; "What's up, sister?"
"Hey! Not much!" the mare smiled at him. "Just enjoying the skateboarding life! You a skateboarder too?"
"Sure am, dudet!" Thunder said.
"Well then, dude, show us what ya got!" the mare said, smirking at him.
"Sure thing, girl! Let me show you how it's done! Just don't get in my way." Thunder said. He started taking his skateboard and started doing awesome stunts on the ramps, like spins, and twists, and watching TV, and playing checkers, and even looking at himself in the mirror. When he jumped off the ramp, he finally landed next to the mare and her friends.
"Wow! I gotta say, that was some unique moves!" one of the mares said.
"Yeah, I'll say!" another mare said.
"Unique? Didn't know you knew that word." Thunder said to her.
"Uhh... yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I?" the mare asked confusingly.
"I can show you some basics if you want!" Thunder suggested.
"Uhh, we know how to skateboard, dude." the mare said.
"What do ya say we grab some lunch?" Thunder asked.
"Ok, sure!" the mare said. "Mind if my friends come?"
"Sure!" Thunder said, and then he shouted out at me; "Hey, Flare?! Wanna come with us for lunch?"
"Sure!" I said walking over.
"Anyways, my name is Black Thunder." Thunder introduced himself. "And this is-"
"MY NAME IS FLARE!" I shouted out, cutting Thunder off. "Sorry, I don't like it when others introduce me. I like to introduce myself."
"That's cool! Alright, let's eat!" the mare said. "My name is Flame Spark, and this is my friend Orange Rust!"
"Nice to meet you both!" Thunder said.
"I own a pizza shop!" I said.
"Wow! Sounds really interesting!" Orange Rust said as we sat down at a table near the Hot Dog stand.
"I'll go get us some wieners... by that, I mean hot dogs." I said, and we all laughed. "B-R-B!" I got up to order some hot dogs.
"So... Flame Spark. How long have you been skateboarding for?" Thunder asked.
"All my life! I've became a pro for like 8 years!" Flame said.
"And how many days is 8 years?" Thunder asked smiling.
"Uhhh... I dunno. Why you ask?" Flame asked confusingly.
"It's trivia! The mares love trivia! My old marefriend used to love it!" Thunder said.
"Ooooook then." Flame said awkwardly.
"How long have you been skateboarding for?" Orange asked.
"All my life! Since I was like 6!" Thunder said.
"Nice!" Flame Spark said.
"Do you know how many years ago that was?" Thunder asked with a big grin on his face.
Flame Spark and Orange Rust looked at eachother confusingly. "Is this another one of your trivia questions?" Flame asked.
"Yeah!" Thunder nodded. "Wanna see another cool skateboarding move? I like to show them off!"
"Uhh, no thanks." Flame smiled. "I'd rather have my food."
"Me too! I'm starving! How long until it'll get here?" I asked, sitting next to Thunder.
"I thought you were getting it?" Flame asked.
"I did." I said, putting the hot dogs on the table.
"Well then. It's a good thing our food is here!" Orange said excitedly.
"Here, want me to feed you Flame?" Thunder asked, taking her hot dog.
"No thanks, I can feed myself." Flame said.
"Oh, I insist! I'll do anything to make you happy!" Thunder insisted.
"Uhh, yeah. I'm good...." Flame said confusingly.
"It's a pleasure, Flame!" Thunder said. Flame groaned and rolled her eyes.
"So, any of you play video games?" I asked.
"I do sometimes, but most of the time I like to-" Orange said, but as she was talking, when Flame took a bite from her hot dog, Thunder started wiping her face.
"Hey, HEY! What are you doing, Thunder?" Flame asked.
"I was wiping your face." Thunder said with a squee.
"I can wipe my own face, thank you!" Flame said angrily.
"Sorry! It's just that my old marefriend liked it." Thunder said.
"Yeah, I think you're still in love with her, Thunder." Flame said angrily and got up from her seat. "C'mon, Orange, let's go!"
Thunder was really confused. "Wha-what just happened?" he asked.
"You screwed up! That's what happened! We were doing so well, what happened?" I shouted at him.
"I dunno, I thought mares liked that?!" Thunder shouted at me.
"Not everypony is like Crystal you know. You can't seem to get her outta your head, can you?" I asked.
"You know what, Flare? You're right. I can't get Crystal out of my head." Thunder said. "I mean, it wasn't my fault, that mare was taking control of me! I had no control of myself! I was just being nice and drunk some of her coffee, but.... I dunno. It's like somepony wanted this to happen."
"Well.... we can think of revenge later, but for now, how about we get you and Crystal back together?" I asked him.
"You think she'll forgive me?" Thunder asked.
"Of course, brah! It's always a happy ending! The minute you walk back to Crystal's place, she'll start crying tears of joy knowing you came back, and she'll be begging for ya back!" I said.
But just then, as we went over to Crystal's house, "NO!" Crystal yelled. "I didn't say I wanted to order a new sofa!" Crystal was on the phone with the Quills and Sofas guy. "I said I wanted quills, I'm out! Why do you sell quills and sofas? You had two jobs, dude! TWO JOBS!" Just then, Crystal's doorbell rung and then she groaned. "I'll call you back. Somepony's at the door." Crystal hung up and then she answered the door.
"Hey, Crystal!" Thunder said, smiling at her, and then she instantly closed the door on his face. “Well that’s a spot of luck.”
“Here, she’s not mad at me. Let me try.” I insisted as I knocked on the door. Knock, knock, knock; “Crystal?” Knock, knock, knock; “Crystal?” Knock, knock, knock; “Crystal?”
“FLARE’S HERE, YAY!” Crystal cried in excitement as she opened the door. “Hey Flare! It’s good to see yo- oh… he’s with you.” She glared at Thunder.
"Crystal! Thundy has something to say!" I said.
"Go away!" Crystal yelled trying to shut the door, but then I quickly placed my hoof right beside the door, stopping it from closing, but it hurt pretty bad.
"OOOOOW! That hurt!” I yelled in pain.
“Get your hoof outta the way, Flare. I don’t wanna talk to that slimeball.” Crystal demanded angrily. “Oh and I don’t wanna talk to Thunder either.”
"CRYSTAL! There's donuts out here!" Thunder yelled.
"DONUTS!" Crystal yelled in excitement. She opened the door fairly quickly and rushed out. I held onto my hoof as it was all swollen up.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Why am I the one with the bad karma here?” I asked.
“You tried to blackmail me, remember?” Thunder reminded me.
“BLACKmail, why call it that? That sounds really racist.” I complained.
"Crystal, please listen to me!" Thunder begged.
"Go away, Thunder! I never wanna see you again!" Crystal cried. “Now where’s the donuts?”
"There are no donuts.” Thunder said. “Crystal, I can explain! Look, it wasn't me! It was the coffee I drank!"
“There’s no DONUTS?! You lied to me again, Thundy! How could you do this?!” Crystal cried.
“I was drugged, Crystal.” Thunder said.
"What are you talking about?" Crystal asked.
“You may not believe me, but it’s true alright?” Thunder asked. “I would NEVER betray you like this. EVER!”
“Wh-wha… what do you mean?” Crystal asked curiously.
“Look.... back at the golf course, the mare behind the counter wanted me to come inside and give me some coffee because she thought I was cold. She was starting to seduce me, so I decided to leave, but she begged me to stay to have the coffee, and I can't say no to any mare, but once I drank the coffee..." Thunder started tearing up. "I... I don't know what happened! The coffee.... it.... brainwashed me! You're the only mare for me Crystal, and... I'm sorry! I... I really am. I... I... can't live without you."
Crystal turned around and looked at Thunder. "Thundy.... that's not what I'm mad about."
"You're mad because of my affair, right?" Thunder asked.
"Affair? I don't even know what an affair is!" Crystal said.
"Then... what were you mad about?" Thunder asked.
"That sweater I gave you yesterday.... you.... you didn't wear it once. It... it broke my heart. Thought you didn't love it. Thought...." Just then, the song 'A Moment Like This' by Kelly Clarkson was playing in the background.
"Crystal.... I.... I love the sweater!" Thunder admitted, grabbing her hooves.
"Then.... why didn't you wear it?" Crystal asked.
"Because we were in the house and... the heater is on." Thunder explained.
"Oh.... right." Crystal said.
"Crystal... I'm sorry." Thunder said.
Crystal starts crying tears of joy, and then she hugged him real tight. "Apology accepted, Thundy! I could never say no to you!"
"See? Told ya!" I said.
"No need to rub it in, Flare." Thunder said. "And turn off the music!" I then turned off my Ipod where 'A Moment Like This' was playing. Yeah, it was pretty overkill, wasn’t it?
"Spoil the moment, Thundy. I was getting dem feels on." I said.
"I love you, Thundy!" Crystal said, cuddling on Thunder.
"I love you too, Crystal." Thunder said, holding her tight. "And Flare, turn off the music!" I turned off my Ipod again because I was playing 'A Moment Like This' once again. See? I knew it was a happy ending! But will it be for long? While the two were snuggling, I wasn't aware that Swinebutt was still at my shop trying to locate my secret recipe.
"Where is it? Where is it?" Swinebutt asked himself as searched under my office floor. "The recipe has to be around somewhere! I have to put Flare out of business or.... of course! The Canterlot shop!" Just then, as Swinebutt snorted, he heard an alarm going off from across the street. "D'oh! What's that noise?" He exits my shop and goes outside to see a broken window. "BOORLIE!" Swinebutt runs over to his shop, unlocks the doors, and runs inside to see his security system go against him. The Turrets on the ceiling shoot Swinebutt with a stun blast and he falls on the floor. "GAH! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?!"
"Hello, doctor!" Boorlie said, standing on top of him.
"BOORLIE! What are you doing in my shop?" Swinebutt asked.
"You mean: MY SHOP?!" Boorlie asked.
"Yeah, that's what I just said. What are you doing in my shop?" Swinebutt asked as he straightened his glasses.
"Oh no, Swinebutt! This isn't Porker's BBQ anymore! Now this is Boorlie's BBQ!" Boorlie said mischievously.
"What are you talking about?" Swinebutt asked.
"I'm talking about your security system, the deed, it's all mine now! This place is under new management! Which means, it is time for you to go, Swinebutt!" Boorlie said to him.
"You can't make me leave my own shop!" Swinebutt yelled at him and snorted, but just then, Boorlie presses a button on his remote which ejects Swinebutt out of the shop. He flies high in the sky, and theb falls into the hot tub behind Thunder's house. "GRRRRR! THAT'S IT, BOORLIE! YOU AND FLARE ARE BOTH ON MY TO-DO LIST! YOU HEAR ME?! I'M COMING FOR YOU BOTH!" Swinebutt yelled out and snorted weirdly, so he takes out his Puffs tissues and wipes his nose a bit. “Ah, nice and soft. YOU JUST WAIT!"
"Hey, what are you doing in my hot tub? Don't tell me I got caught twice!" Thunder complained as he facehooved himself after he saw Swinebutt in his hot tub.
"Well... at least you're still single." Swinebutt said.
"Actually... Crystal and I got back together. We promised to be honest with eachother completely from now on. Wait, how did you know about what I experienced?" Thunder asked confusingly. As Thunder looked away, Swinebutt was already gone. Yeah he climbed his fence and landed in a trash can with a black cat inside. Well… it looks like I win this battle against Swinebutt, and I wasn’t even doing anything that was related to his plan, besides getting Thunder and Crystal together, but I had no clue he was a part of this. Later on, Crystal and Thunder were writing a letter to Princess Luna together upstairs.
"Dear Princess Luna,
Today we experienced alot. We learned that if you find a special somepony, but you have problems with them, and trying to find somepony else to replace them; it works at times, but relationships always have troubles at certain times. Give your loved one a chance before doing anything you both might regret. If you’ve been with the long enough, they should know who you are and why you’re together in the first place. Also, our friend Flare learned not to try to be a jerk, and try to frame those he's trying to keep secrets from if they don't do what he says. Be a loyal friend and special somepony. Don’t try to blackmail them.
Your loyal subjects,
Crystal Iceblast and Black Thunder."
Crystal gave Thunder a big kiss on the cheek. "You know, this gives me an idea!" Thunder said to himself. Back at my trailer, I was chatting with Spike in my bathroom. I was brushing my teeth.
"Wow! What a day, Flare!" Spike said to me.
"Oh yeah? What was your day about?" I asked him with the toothbrush in my mouth.
"I had to help Pinkie out. It seems the town police have given Pinkie a ticket for reckless imaginary golfing." Spike said.
"Oh yeah, she needs more practice, brah." I agreed. "Hey, when I went to work today, there was something weird about Dr. Swinebutt's BBQ shop across the street. It was called Boorlie's BBQ now."
"Looks like your old friend Boorlie wanted revenge on him after his betrayal." Spike said.
"I know. He said he's still going to try to get me out of business though because he wants to be the top Ponyville restaurant, instead of me." I explained. “Besides, he prefers to make pastas and pizzas over BBQ. This is just a temporary location for him to gain profits. This isn’t his dream job.”
"Yeah, looks like a new unfriendly competition between you and Boorlie, huh?" Spike asked as I spit in the sink, and then I gargled with Mountain Doo, and spit it in the sink.
"Ok, does it really make sense to brush your teeth, and then gargle with Mountain Doo?" Spike asked.
"Yeah, about that." I started. "I have this fear of-" Just then I heard a crash coming from the other end of my trailer. "What was that?"
"I dunno." Spike said. We both looked at each other, and then Spike took my baseball bat that happened to be in my bathroom, and I took my fresh scent, and held it like a weapon. We walked into my lounge to see Thunder watching movies on my TV.
"Thunder?" I asked.
"Oh hey, Flare!" Thunder said.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Well... since you have my TV now, I decided to use it here." Thunder said.
"Yeah, but you didn't have my permission to use it." I said.
"Unless you want me to tell Pinkie that you were abusing my friendship; she's not gonna like that one bit. I know that for a fact." Thunder said mischievously.
"It's true. Pinkie hates abusive friendships." Spike said.
"So a little revenge, huh Thundy?" I asked.
"Yeah, pretty much." Thunder nodded.
"You can have your TV back when you're done." I said.
"Ah ah ah, Flare! No speakie to the Thundy, unless the Thundy speakie too you!" Thunder said, smirking at me. I just rolled my eyes and closed the lounge door. "And shut off the music!" Thunder yelled at me as I was playing background music on my Ipod.