//------------------------------// // The Peak // Story: PonyFall:Adventures in Chaos // by Draequine //------------------------------// I am a firm believer in the notion that, what goes up must come down. I’m not accounting for fireworks, space satellites, Surface-to-Air missiles , delusions, prayers, the moon, or my anxiety, however. Some things are just made to stay up. That said, I am also a firm believer that the higher you are, the harder you’ll crash. ~Really, I can’t believe you are chasing him.~ Oh, you’re just now being surprised by this? I’ve chased Discord a total of four times now. ~Well, I didn’t have the self awareness to point out how stupid it was to follow him in that block party, the second time you weren’t chasing him, you were running from that crazy chick that was shooting at you, and the third time the choice was follow him, or remain a dingo for the rest of you life. This time, though? You don’t have an excuse.~ Well, my home is burned down, I have no one to go to, and even if I did, I am probably a million miles away from them. Sticking with Discord is my best option right now because sooner or later I have to get lucky. Discord does that after all, he makes the most unpredictable, unlikely, and impossible things happen, and the way things are going, the likelihood of me walking out of this situation well off is about to hit rock bottom, which means that it’s a certainty! Hahahahahahaha! ~No, you are in complete denial. The time loop you were in shows that he isn’t completely unpredictable and that he isn’t actually chaos incarnate. He is just a selfish, magical, madman. What he does is what he wants, he isn’t following some kind of sacred guideline, or doing this because there must be some kind of balance in the cosmos. He does what he does because he can.~ So what if he isn’t a god. That means I can just take advantage of him to get what I want. ~Gah, you’re just as selfish and conniving as he is, but nowhere near as smart. You are riding a rabid bull off of a cliff Ashton. Your only option now is to let the bull go before it gouges you on the way down.~ But this is a magic bull, Crazy! Who knows what could happen! ~Ah, I see that the sane reason isn’t going to work with you. Look at it this way, you are basically Discord’s entourage right?~ Yeah, I suppose you could see it like that. ~You know who else had an entourage? Trixie. Now, what does that make you, Ashton?~ No! ~Yes! It makes you Snips and Snail.~ No it doesn’t! Those two idiots were blindly devoted to Trixie! I can actually talk to Discord face to face, unlike everyone else who have so far been terrified of him! Except for the ones that didn’t know him, and those don’t count. ~Oh you call that fake context-sensitive small talk that you have with everyone you don’t want to talk to a genuine conversation? The only time I’ve known you to actually talk to him got you turned into a dingo!~ I probably deserved it for being a wise guy. ~You did deserve to be turned into a dingo, but not for that. Discord is going to drag you into a deep pit that you won’t get out of no matter how hard you try. Just leave him and get out of here!~ If something does happen then Discord will lose to the Elements of Harmony anyway. He is a villain after all. ~You poor deluded fool.~ You know, just to prove to you that I’m not some hopeless follower of Discord, I am going to have a sit down with him, and we are going to have a long chat. ~No you aren’t.~ You’re right, but I can at least stop him for a bit so I can have a freaking breather! How long have I been awake anyway? ~Well, taking the time loop in consideration, 25 days.~ I could definitely use a bed. Here I go. ~You’re going to choke.~ “Discord! Give me a second, will you?” “Okay.” Hah! ~Wait for it.~ “Can we take a-” Damn, there he goes off again. “Discord!” “I gave you a second, Ashton, although it’s beyond me what use you had for it.” “For someone that is at least a thousand years old you’re rather immature.” Oh, I hope he didn’t hear that. ~I hope he did.~ “Immature? Moi?” Well, shit. ~He is going to turn you into a baby and send you to Antarctica! I just know it!~ “I just know what I like.” Phew! ~Damn it! You are bound to say the wrong thing sooner or later.~ “I also know what I dislike...” Oh crap, I did piss him off... ~Hahahaha!~ “Isn’t this place so boooring!?” ~Gah! I can’t take any more of this, I’ve got better things to do than wait for him to turn you into a blender.~ Yeah right, like you can do anything else. ... Hello? “I said, isn’t this place boring, Ashton.” “Oh, uh...” Now that I think of it, this place looks so... plain. No graffiti, posters, litter, people, or parked cars. It’s the middle of the day! “It actually is!” “Right, so-” “What are you going to do then? Turn the road into soap? Flip the buildings upside down? Ooh, I know! Why don’t you turn all the street signs into lollipops?” What?! Did that actually come out of my mouth? Crazy Voice? Are you there? It’s me, Ashton. ... Wow, not a peep. “Er... No?” I’ve managed to weird out Discord. That’s an accomplishment I can actually be proud of. “I’m justing going to go through this out-door.” That’s a weird thing to call the front door to what looks like a pawn shop. “Discord? I think it’s closed.” Why did I even say that? He’s Discord! What’s a locked door to him? Actually, that’s a good question. Too him it could be anything from an invitation to come inside to an impractical rickshaw. “Yes Ashton, the door is closed. What a keen observation! Remind me to give you a gold star or something when we are outside.” “No I meant that it isn’t opened.” Am I still talking? How can I still be talking? Did Crazy Voice take some of my brain when he left? “Not yet Ashton, but it would have been if I hadn’t so carelessly lent you that second.” Why lend it to me if it was so valuable in the first place? Gah! *Click* “There it goes.” Funny, it suddenly doesn’t sound like the inside of an empty pawn shop anymore. “And here we go.” This isn’t what the inside of pawn shop looks like. It’s what the outside of a pawnshop looks like. “Wha.... What?” I don’t even... Is this even real? Am I real? I need to eat a carrot. Yes, a carrot would do just fine right now, maybe with a bit of ranch. Oh and I need to visit the surgeon general of fudge to iron out that trade agreement between Fancy Town and Zanzibar Land. “Well? Come on then, you are letting all the fresh air out!” Oooh, an out door. It’s just a door that leads outside while you are still outside. It’s absolutely nothing to lose my shit about. Wait, what? He could have done that the whole time? I’ve traveled through that trippy nothing place one time too many. We could have just walked through a door to arrive at whatever new ground zero he had decide to drag me too, and that would have made this whole mess a tiny bit bearable. How would I phrase this question? “Whatever happened to that weird place we would go to before we arrived where we weren’t when we were never going there before?” Okay, that was horrible. I’d better try again. “I mean-” “Oh, that. It’s still there if you look hard enough.” What does he mean by that? All I can see are two sides of a mismatched door. Wait... that isn’t a seem! Is that Crazy Voice? ~Gah! Can’t I get any privacy?~ Apparently not. “Discord? Why didn’t-” “Why not? Now come on Ashton, there’s fun to have, things to do, places to see!” Yuck! Smells to smell as well. Where are we this- Oh. New York City. ~Alright, I’m back. What’d I miss?~ I am incredibly curious about what you were doing. ~I can have a smoke break once in awhile you know.~ Fine. So, Discord and me are in the Big Apple. ~So I’ve heard, but how do you know it’s actually New York?~ Besides the smell? The Statue of Liberty is a rather large clue, I think. ~Think Discord is going to put his face on it?~ That, or make it do the truffle shuffle. He looks really excited. Maybe I should just go back out. ~The door is already closed. Having second thoughts already, are we?~ “Hahahahahaha!” After hearing that laugh? More like fifth and sixth thoughts. ~Too late now.~ “Oooh, I feel like a colt in a candy store! I’m free Ashton, I’m finally free to do what I want!” “So you have been doing whatever you want unwillingly up till now then?” Why am I saying these word things, and how can I stop them. ~Looks like you have a terminal case of the stupids if you ask me.~ “Oh, Ashton. What I mean is that I don’t have to worry any more! The Elements of Harmony are in another world, those pesky girls are separated, and the best part is, they can never get back to Equestria! I can do anything now! Anything.” “Then why don’t you go back to Equestria and cause Chaos there?” “Ashton! Are you suggesting that I leave these poor, stranded ponies on this utterly alien world, in bodies that they would have never imagined before coming here?” I guess even Discord has a line he won’t cross. “Um... yes?” Ahhh! Stupid, stupid, stupid! “What an excellent idea! I must say, you were certainly interesting company Ashton. Perhaps I’ll come by in a hundred years or so to pay you a visit. Auf wiedersehen!” *Poof* “You are still here.” And people are staring now. “Ah, so I am.” “So you are stuck here with the rest of them.” Oh fudge balls, I’ve finally done it. ~Wow, he looks like he might actually kill you. I wish I could say it has been swell, but it hasn’t. Not even a little bit.~ “No. They are stuck here with me, and so are you, Ashton. Do try to remember that.” Did I wet myself, Crazy? I’m too terrified to check. ~No, surprisingly.~ “You’re taking it well.” “Oh, I may be mad about this Ashton, but you know what I do when I’m mad and can’t do anything about it?” “Turn people into dingos?” ~You are getting snippy aren’t you?~ Well I’m certainly not Snails. “No, but that’s a good guess. I simply think of my favorite things.” *Du dede duuuu delelululluu* ~Where is that music coming from?~ When did he change into that suit? Oh right, chaos magic. I shouldn’t even ask, but come on, a nun’s habit? Really? Wait, what am I wearing? In what universe would a fez go with a kilt and a turtleneck sweatshirt? None, that’s how many. Lollipops singing and potatoes with faces, Refreshing pink glasses and non-euclidean vases, Dull rocky boulders that look like bling, These are a few of my favorite things! No. He can’t be singing. ~Looks like he is.~ I refuse to believe that a character from MLP could sing this. ~Well he is the Spirit of Chaos~ This is a horrible poem set to the jazz version of a song from a musical that’s three decades older than me. This isn’t an MLP song. It doesn’t even sync with the tune! ~Well, there probably was a reason why the beginning to season two didn’t have a song.~ Gray colored ponies and sad hornless alicorns, A life without order and wolves made of corn, Silly old pegasi with taffy wings, These are a few of my favorite things! Everyone is just staring at him. ~They aren’t even doing anything.~ Hmmm... Talking zucchinis with little white sashes, Chocolate rain soaking all of the masses, Playing with ponies and pulling their strings, These are a few of my favorite things! ~You aren’t doing what I think you’re doing are you?~ That depends on what you are thinking I’m doing. If you are thinking that I am simply organizing the pockets of everyone in this crowd, then you are sadly mistaken. ~But they are hypnotized or something!~ I’m not one to look an unethical gift horse in the mouth Crazy. When my plan fails, When they fight back, When I feel alone, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so mad! ~That’s quite a bit of money there isn’t it?~ I don’t think five hundred dollars would last long in New York. All kinds of mischief and practical jokes, Dancing green eggs with raspberry yokes, Tangoing squid that love to sing, These are a few of my favorite things! Wow, these are some ugly kids. I’m going to put some extra money in this guy’s wallet. ~You are such a good samaritan.~ Dizzy ponies spinning like tops, Prince Blueblood kissing a mop, Making a bell out of chickens to hear it ring, These are a few of my favorite things! That one didn’t even have the right rhyme! Right, I guess that’s enough money. ~Ran out of pockets to check?~ Yes. A town without rules, where up is down, A mattress filled with pig feather down, A blue hedgehog with gold spinning rings, These are a few of my favorite things! Looks like it’s almost over. What should I do? ~It would be hilarious if Discord had only paralyzed them, and they saw you rifle through their pockets like a street urchin.~ He wouldn’t do that. No wait, yes he would. When my plan fails, When they fight back, When I feel alone, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so mad! Oh thank god, he did hypnotise them. The only thing these people did was get a migraine. ~Shucks. I was looking forward to a lynch mob.~ People don’t do that nowadays. I think. “So are we just going to pretend that that didn’t happen Discord?” “Hmmm?” “Right.” Now what am I going to do with all this cash? ~Get a room in a hotel? I’m sure you can find a cheap one for you and Discord.~ And have Discord watch me sleep? No thanks! ~How do you know that he won’t go to sleep first?~ He’s the Spirit of Chaos! He doesn’t sleep! ~How many times do we have to go over this. Just because he is the Spirit of Chaos doesn’t mean he isn’t human! You saw him curl up and fold when Apple Bloom bucked him in the gonads. Gods don’t get kicked in the nuts!~ Yes, but humans can’t do what he just did. They can’t turn people into dingos, walls into gum, or create flies the size of tables! Humans can’t use magic! “I feel tingly! I think I’ll try going to Equestria again.” *Poof* “You’re still here Discord.” “...” That can’t be good. “Discord?” Is he so mad that he has forgotten how to talk? *Thud* ~Ha! I told you he was human.~ What? Are you telling me that he has been awake all this time? No one can stay up that long! It’s impossible! He would be dead right now. ~Or completely bonkers. My guess is that the magic kept him awake~ I... I don’t know what to do. ~Did you ever know what to do?~ No. Wait... Does that newspaper say it’s the 21st? ~Amazing, you can read! Do another trick!~ It’s funny if you think about it. This is the day all this crazy shit is going to really start for me. ~That’s neat and all, but people are starting to walk on Discord.~ Guess I’d better hail a taxi. End of Week One.