The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and it seems as though nothing could possibly go wrong, as though the perfection of the day will just stretch into an eternity of smiles and rainbows and- and... I HATE IT! I HATE IT ALL! I hate the sun! I hate the birds! I hate smiles and rainbows and colourful little ponies frolicking in the noontime!
But I digress, I doubt you've come here to watch me sulk and yell, and if you have then let me be the first to tell you, you have problems.
Regardless, I should probably give you a few more details into why I came to hate everything around me, and probably some how as well.
You see it all started about a week ago when I was freed from my stony prison...
I glanced around at the mayhem I had spread, 'Chaos Capital of the World' indee-
Oh, and before I forget to mention it, I'm Discord, though you should have already guessed that much.
-d.
I let out a hearty laugh as I admire my handiwork, taking a moment to fill a glass with chocolate milk from a passing pink cloud, savouring the sheer impossibility of it's filling from the top.
"Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!" I shout joyously, raising the glass to my lips, but I'm interrupted by the most annoying voice from in front of me.
"Not as wonderful as friendship!" I'm honestly a little surprised to see Twilight Sparkle and her friends standing before me. Again.
"Ugh, this again?" after regaining my composure, I quickly take a moment to enjoy drinking my glass, before throwing away the chocolate milk, almost shivering as the sound of the explosion reached my ears.
Applejack spoke next, but honestly I was tuning them out at this point, "Oh Applejack, don't lie to me," it was more or less a wild guess what to say as I pulled her to me by her element, "I'm the one who made you a liar." I draw a little deeper from my magic, dragging the other element-bearers, minus Twilight, to join Applejack, "Will you ever learn?"
Then suddenly, surprising me for a second time, Twilight teleports into the midst of the others, cutting off my magic. Hmm, this is concerning, at this rate she may actually pose a threa- The thought is cut short as soon as she starts talking, Nah, can't be, I'm just getting worked up over nothing.
It's almost physically painful to listen to her speech, so I try and focus on anything but, which is when I notice Applejack isn't wearing her Element.
I start to mock them or somesuch, but I'm too interested in the disappearing Element of Honesty to pay any attention and it's back on her now, great.
Now feeling more frustrated than when I had to brainwash Fluttershy, I slouch back on my throne, feeling only slightly less bitter when I see Pinkie Pie guzzling up the chocolate rain.
I yawn and close my eyes, Now's as good a time as any to take a nap I suppose.
But my attempt at rest is cut short by a sudden barrage of butterflies and lightning bolts.
"Huh, what's this?" I lean forward to get a better look at the ponies before me, terror rising as I realise what's happening.
"No," my words catch in my throat as the giant rainbow reaches into the sky, before plummeting back down upon me.
I scream as the pain engulfs me, a stinging agony crawling up my body, freezing my limbs in place, as well as my look of ultimate terror as I quickly come to terms with this new reality.
No, it's even worse, this old reality, I'd take anything, I'd take worse than before if only to keep from the same punishment as before.
But worst of all, I STILL doen't know what happened to the Element of Honesty, it was almost like reality forgot that it was there for a moment, and while I'm all for not making sense, I had nothing to do with it!
Alas, my fate was sealed by the Elements, but most of all by Twilight Sparkle and her precious 'magic of friendship'. Gag me.
Hm? What's that? You found my summary of the event lacking in detail? Well come on, The Return of Harmony was the season two premier, you can't have missed it, and if you're reading this and you don't know what I and the freaking main cast look like, why are you even here?
Well regardless, the facts remain as thus: One, I am once again trapped in stone. Two, you can literally read my thoughts. Three, I AM BORED AS HELL!
This entire week has been utterly soured at the hands (Hands, hooves, WHATEVER!) of six little ponies, it sets my blood to boil just thinking about it. Though I suppose it could be worse, I could be you after all.
All joking aside though, I'm still trapped with no-one but you to talk to, and no offense, but this has hardly been a scintillating conversation on your end, while I've been nothing but a treat so far.
Then again, I'm the reason you're here in the first place, so I may as well hold up this conversation in style!
Or something to that effect, anyway, so have you heard the one about the chicken who crossed the snake?
It was a beautiful romance that taught us all that looking past exteriors and focusing on our true feelings ends in terror for all as a freak is born.
Seriously, those cockatrices freak me the hell out, and this is coming from the guy literally made from the parts of more than five species.
But I'm getting off topic, and that topic is giant cows, a regrettably extinct species of bovine. I bet you didn't know that I was raised on a giant cow ranch, it's a true story, toiling in the heat of the sun, it was a truly monotonous existence, only ever broken up by the occasional treat that is giant cow cheese, I loved to eat it so much I think a part of me is made of the stuff.
Goodbye.