//------------------------------//
// Fall Before You Trip 
// Story: Only on the Surface 
// by A cubed 
//------------------------------//

Pinkie Pie’s voice is heard, saying “Last time, in Only On the Surface... Mayor Mare got sick of so many ponies complaining about something that she got Twilight to make a town meeting. Sounds boring, so I’m just staying with the twins- we’re gonna have so much fun! Anyways, Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders all wanted to go, but they couldn’t for whatever reason. Lyra and Bon Bon had some special alone time- twice!
Twilight had a talk with the Mayor, and for some reason, she said ‘thee’ in conversati-ation. Kinda weird, but, whatever! Oh yeah, and Applejack’s nervous about the meeting for some reason- but I would be too, if I knew I had to sit around and listen to other ponies talk for hours. Because it gets really boring just listening to somepony talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and-”

/x/ Sparing your Sanity, flashing forward /x/

“Talk and talk all you want, Rainbow Dash,” the very arrogant stallion Cherry Cola was saying. “But you’re still fundamentally wrong.”

After a long day of deliberation and debates, most if not all the citizens of Ponyville who had showed up had spoken their piece. Nearly half had simply said ‘yea’ or ‘neigh’ (the ‘yea’s outnumbering the ‘neigh’s by a landslide majority). The other half had offered more in-depth explanations.

Most of them had been resolved without an issue: there were many points on both sides made near the beginning of the day, but there had been stalemates abound. As the day went on, many discussions fruitlessly repeated ones from earlier, until eventually, they just stopped bothering to discuss, simply offering their opinion.

“Oh, fundamentally,” the irate pegasus rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t know fundamentals if they bit you in the plot! On a strictly fundamental level, love is still love, you bucking prude!”

Twilight was keeping track of the yea/neigh ratio, as well as organizing by gender, age, familial status, even color (she was bored at the yea/neigh dry patch). Yet she still paid enough attention to keep the opinionated rainbow pegasus in check.

A throat-clearing noise came from the front of the room, amplified by a maroon aura of magic. “Rainbow, please at least try to have a civilized discussion.” Twilight requested. “After all,” directing this towards the other speaker. “Civility is something your current debate is lacking in.”

The mayor had allowed free discussion for the meeting, sitting in only to observe her citizens. She was used to listening in silence, being seen and not heard: she’d done it nearly her entire foalhood. She said nothing to the various snipes and passive-aggressive comments, such as this one. However, her brow was set a bit higher; she hadn’t expected Twilight to behave in such a manner in this setting.

Cherry rolled his eyes at the thinly-veiled insult, ignoring it and continuing. “Your crudeness amuses me, Rainbow Dash, but the purpose of marriage is to have a family. Families include children, and in case you didn’t know this, neither two mares nor two stallions can have a baby!”

A voice new to the conversation asked, “What does being able to have kids matter?”

Rainbow and Cherry- and most of the room following the conversation- turned their heads towards this third voice. If they were quiet during the heated discussion, the decibel level emitted now would be in negative levels. The mare had spoken.

“Well, Ditzy Doo,” he said, acid dripping from his voice. “If you paid attention in school-”

“Shut your mouth!” Rainbow yelled, wings flaring. “If you call her that again, I swear to Celestia I will buck your face so hard you’ll crap teeth!” The threat rung through the atrium as she awaited Twilight’s reprimand... but none came. She didn’t chance a glance, though, defenses up for Derpy. It wasn’t common knowledge, but Derpy wasn’t stupid: she just had a muscular problem impacting her flight, speech, and causing a lazy eye.

“Fine.” he replied ever-so-sweetly to the peeved-off pegasus, before returning his attentions to the previous conversationist. “Hooves, if you paid attention in school, you’d know that foals are made when a mommy and a daddy really really love each other.” In a harsher tone now, “Sperm meet the eggs in the uterus: you need a stallion for the sperm and a mare for the eggs.”

Magenta eyes glared daggers at smug, sarcastic greens, while two violet orbs switched between them. The brain behind these dark purple eyes mused to herself, ‘You don’t necessarily need sperm to make a foal...’

“I’m not stupid, Cherry.” Derpy’s response came. “I know where babies come from.”

“Then my point is made, is it not?”

“So you’re saying that if two ponies can’t have kids together, then they shouldn’t get married?”

He appeared confused by the question. “Uh, yeah!” came his blunt retort. “Obviously.” Arrogance rang through the room as if the bells of Ponyville had been rung by the town’s teenage political activist.

Twilight raised a hoof to interject, but stopped at a glance towards the newly-married couple. She saw that Lyra was smiling and rolling her eyes. The purple unicorn looked around the room for the others of her ilk. Every unicorn she could see the face of- Rarity, Minuette, even Vinyl (who had gone glasses-less for the meeting)- was either smirking or rolling their eyes: ‘Good,’ Twilight thought to herself. ‘At least we know about magical conception.’

“Then that means I should file for divorce, right?” Derpy replied.

Cherry looked even more confused at this question. Was she trying to drop a troll logic bomb or something? He shook his head and exasperatedly exclaimed, “How in Equestria is this relevant!?”

Those in the know shuffled about nervously. Carrot Top, Raindrops, Flitter, Rainbow Dash... nopony else understood what was happening here but those closest to the gray mare.

“It’s exploiting a fallacy.” she explained. “Since I’m physically incapable of having children, by your logic, that means I can’t get married.”

“This is a load of crock!” Cherry interjected. “You’ve got two kids, and everypony in town knows them. For Celestia’s sake, Amethyst watches my kid’s best friend on the weekends! I’m not going to fall for-”

“Ammy and Dinky are adopted.”

The rolling murmur that had started at the revelation of Derpy’s apparent inability to conceive- despite knowing that she had two children- stopped when they realized their base of knowledge about the pegasus had been compromised, falling into a pure silence. Davenport dropped a quill, apologizing profusely for causing such a loud noise.

“When Time Turner and I were younger,” she said in the silence. “Back when we were living in Fillydelphia, we eventually decided we knew we wanted kids. We’d been married for a few years, and we thought we were ready. So, we tried...” she blushed a bit. “Oh, did we try... and try...” the blush went away, replaced instead with a shadow caused from her mane now obscuring her eyes. “For six months we tried...”



One X. Negative.

Derpy closed her eyes, unwilling to let escape the saline liquid, and smashed the plastic test into the wall. The X taunting her so, as if standing next to a D, was no more. But the results were still unchanged: her belly was still empty of a foal. She proceeded to wash her hooves, and tears joined the tap water spiraling down the drain.

“I just didn’t know what was going wrong... Neither of us did. At the time, we didn’t think it was anything big, so we tried to find ways to help: teas, herbs, even hemp sheets in the hopes that it would work. We were desperate...”

The couple used to enjoy sexual intercourse together: linked in the most sacred of ways. However, the pleasure had faded, and instead of a beautiful act of love, it had been warped into a twisted game of 'how-much-can-I-ejaculate?' for Time Turner. His wife wanted nothing more than a baby of her own, and he wanted nothing more than to give her what she wished.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. After finishing, they did the same thing they’d been doing for the past month. He pulled out, and positioned himself to his wife’s side. They held tight in each other’s forelegs, praying to Celestia for a miracle. However, nothing came but sorrow and tears: Derpy would use another test, it would wind up negative, and after the day cycled, they would repeat the process.

“So, we decided to seek a medical professional’s help. I wish we’d gone there first... maybe it would have numbed the pain of hearing the doctor’s words about our blood work...”

“Ahem, Mister Turner, Miss Hooves. I have some good news, and... some bad news.”

The pair had fallen asleep in the lobby after the testing had begun, and awoke to find themselves facing the moment of truth: what had been keeping them from a family this whole time? “Good news first...” Derpy said, still waking up. The doctor looked at the, well, Doctor, who nodded his head in affirmation.

“The good news,” he began, “Is that you’re both as healthy as a horse, no pun intended. Immune systems good, free from any viral blah blah blah (at this point he began saying things that Derpy couldn’t understand).”

The mare squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth. “I don’t care,” she grunted through her teeth, cutting him off. “About my immune system, Doctor...” she opened her eyes and yelled at him, “WHY CAN’T I HAVE MY BABY!?”

Others in the lobby suddenly looked up at the outburst. A foal started crying. The doctor sighed, looking away in shame. He hated to be the bearer of bad news, whether it was of malignant cancer, a failed surgery, or...

“I have an ‘inherent blood-born gamete-targeting pathogen’, he said. That means... my blood kills anything living inside me. We could have made any number of foals during the time we were trying to get me pregnant, but it wouldn’t have mattered... they would have all been dead and miscarried.

“It’s the same chromosomal affliction that affects my equilibrium and eye muscles, I was told by the doctor’s assistant. Goldenrod Blaze, I still remember what his name was. He told me about the disease, and how it would be named after me... Time Turner hit him in the face with his hoof, and we left.”

Cherry was glaring at the wall as she told the story. “Well...” he started, before making eye contact with Derpy. “So you adopted two foals because you have some special disease, making you a freak of nature...” he grinned smugly, finding a weak point. “...just like the gays.” Beat; Gasps. Gold eyes widened and watered, while greens narrowed maliciously, set over a smug grin. 

Rainbow flared her wings, screamed in rage “ALRIGHT, THAT’S IT!” and charged, but was intercepted and forced to the ground. Looking up at her captor, Dash grunted and tried to force her way out.

“Dammit Applejack,” she cried, “LET ME GO!”

“No, Sugarcube,” she said. “He ain’t worth it.”

The pegasus stopped struggling, realizing it was fruitless with both wings pinned, and instead used her words as a weapon. “This is why she left you, Cherry.” she sniped. “You’re a plot hole: always have been, always will be.”

The doors slammed open: when everypony was distracted by Rainbow, Derpy had started running, leaving behind a trail of tears. Fluttershy and Raindrops flew after her, leaving everypony else in a situation that had crossed the line twice.

His eyes twitched. “Sticks and stones, Dashie.” Cherry sneered.

“How about hooves?” a male voice yelled.

Cherry looked to his right to see a steel-blue hoof barreling towards his face. Lucky made contact, catching the brown stallion off-guard, and causing him to trip over his own hooves and fall onto the ground. He raised his forelegs in self-defense as the assault continued.

Blows rained as Lucky continued to talk. “You think you’re a big boy,” SLAM! “Picking on those weaker than you?” SLAM! “Well, see how it feels now!” He attempted to land one more, but felt himself be restrained by oversized, muscular forelegs, and pulled back. Snowflake and Applejack were restraining the two dangers to Cherry Cola’s well-being.

“Stop!” Mayor Mare shouted, having seen enough. “Meeting adjourned!”

“You’re bucking insane!” Cherry screamed, before spitting blood and what looked like a tooth on the ground. “Leave it to a gay supporter to overreact to everything-”

“Cherry Cola, dost thou know when to shut up!?” the Mayor cried, continuing as she stormed towards the scene. “Thou art making a damn fool of everypony with legitimate reasoning to oppose gay marriage with this word-bait tactic of yours! If thou recall thy earlier argument, ‘twas about same-gender couples’ inability to conceive children, and not a catch-all insult to those different from thyself like what thou bastardized it into!”

By now she was standing right over Cherry, who had rolled to be right-side up.

“Why are you talking so weird?”

“Town hall.”

“But you-”

“NOW.”

Cherry could have sworn he saw fire behind her pupils: he knew she meant business.

“Your father will be receiving a letter, Cherry.”

“Whatever, Mom. He’ll be on my side anyways.” With that, he turned and slumped off, spitting another globule of blood as he went..

Mayor Mare could feel the eyes of everypony in the room. She turned and cleared her throat to address her citizens. “...go home.” she said. “We’re done here.” and with that, she followed her (apparently) son.

Twilight teleported to the Mayor’s side. “Mayor,” she began. “When I finish organizing and record the accounts of the ponies who didn’t speak yet, do you want them-”

“Don’t bother, Sparkle.” she rudely cut off. And she said nothing else. Just kept walking.

Twilight said nothing, just watched her leave. ‘I didn’t know CC was her son... but... why... why the mixed ancient Equestrian?’ she asked herself. ‘And why doesn’t she want the records? ... Should I talk to the Princess?’ she pondered this for a moment, staring into empty space as she weighed her options. ‘I probably should at least ask her why this prejudice cycle started again...’ Twilight pulled out the records and scanned through them.

‘Hmm,’ she mused. ‘I’m almost finished... no use in wasting perfectly good notes, might as well finish them... oh, I can write a research paper! I can do that in tomorrow’s Free Time... I’ll just need Filthy Rich (ugh, I’ll interview him tomorrow), Derpy (I should visit her tomorrow, anyways), those two, The Mayor (I can ask her about what just happened, too), Zecora, him, Nurse Redheart, her, Amethyst Star, Pinkie Pie, and... Applejack? ...huh, I guess she didn’t say anything at the meeting. Big Mac and Granny Smith both voiced support, maybe she’s the same? I need to ask her though anyways, can’t compromise data. I could probably take care of that tonight, if only I could find her in this crowd.’

“Twalight?”

‘Well,’ she thought to herself. ‘That was easy.’

“Applejack, hi, I was just looking for you: I’d like to ask you a few questions, would that be alright with you?”

“Sure, sugar. Ah was gonna ask you some questions, too. Y’know, ‘bout this whole...” the orange mare waved a hoof, thinking of the right word to use.

“Helter-Skelter?” Twilight supplied.

“Ah love that song.”

“What?”

“Uh... nothin’.”

Twilight raised a brow at this, but pushed it aside. “...Then I guess it’s good that we bumped into each other.” She telekinetically started sorting through her materials for everything she’d need on Applejack, but was interrupted the Appleloosan twang.

“Twalight, you mind if we do this in the treebrary?”

The unicorn paused before she began packing her things back into saddlebags. “Of course, Applejack.” she said. “But why the treebrary specifically? Why not at Sweet Apple?”

She shrugged, mane bobbing. “Because it’s right there?” she said, pointing not twenty yards away.

“...oh...” Twilight replied.

“Plus,” AJ continued, “It’s more private inside a tree than in an orchard.”

“Right. You’d probably want privacy when talking about this situation, especially here.” There weren’t very many opposed to gay marriage, but there were some that were quite surprising: for example, Carrot Cake strongly opposed, citing it as a ‘bad influence’ for his children.

Twilight started heading towards her home, and Applejack followed. The lights were off, so Spike was still off with the Crusaders, no doubt having the time of his life.

MEANWHILE IN A QUARRY SOMEWHERE

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-” Spike inhaled deeply before resuming. “aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Scootaloo, slow down, you’ll kill us all!”

“Slow down? SLOW DOWN?” she started laughing maniacally. “Those words don’t exist in MY dictionary! Onward, crusaders! To cutie marks! OR DEATH!!!”

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle then started screaming in enjoyment of the adrenaline pumping through their veins, knowing that at any moment, they could receive serious bodily harm if Scootaloo handled the scooter wrong, loving the danger every second of the journey.

Spike clutched tightly to the wagon and started screaming again, out of fear. “I am not enjoying this at all!!!”

NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING

Yup, Spike was totally having a blast with those darn lil’ fillies.

As Applejack followed Twilight inside, she wiped her hooves on the doormat before stepping onto the floor. Twilight shut the door with her magic before setting all the materials she wouldn’t need onto a writing desk, which for some reason reminded her of a raven, despite the sleeping owl perched on top.

“So, Applejack,” she asked before approaching the earth pony. “Do you want to ask first, or answer? It’ll take me less than a minute to ask, but if you’ve got something really important, I can most certainly wait.”

She started rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. “Ah wouldn’t mind answerin’ first, if y’all don’t mind...”

Twilight shrugged and brought the notebook in front of her. “All right then, question number one. Do you support or oppose the thought of gay marriage?”

“Support.”

“Okay,” Twilight wrote the answer down. “This is optional: What is your opinion on those with the opposite mindset?”

Applejack shrugged and looked out the window. “Ah don’t know... maybe they just don’t understand what it feels like...”

“What... it... feels... like... okay. Now, this is also optional: what is the reasoning behind your own opinion?”

The earth pony pursed her lips. “Uh... pass.”

Twilight nodded and made note of the pass. “I don’t necessarily have a question number two, but would you like to discuss any of the points that were made today?”

“Not really.”

“Okay then, thank you for your participation- ugh, sorry, force of habit from today. Thanks for helping.” she turned around and approached the desk again, and began to put all the things away for use tomorrow. “You can sit down somewhere if you’d like.” she said.

“Uh, ah can stand, it’s fine...”

Twilight nodded and finished packing everything neatly. Satisfied that everything was put in the exact right place, she turned back to face her company. Applejack suddenly turned her head to the side, and had a slight blush.

The unicorn tilted her head a bit, and approached her guest. “Is it warm in here, Applejack?” she asked. “Your face looks a little red, should I turn down the heat?”

“Y’all don’t gotta worry about that, it’s fine. Ah just... Ah’m just a mite parched, Ah’ll take care of it at home. But for now-”

“I have water here, let me just get you a glass.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks Twi...”

Twilight nodded and headed towards the kitchen. Well, kitchen was saying a bit much... it was just a sink and pantry, after all. But still, it served their needs for food. Plants, grain, and water. What Twilight lacked in vigorous exercise she made up for by eating light. There used to be gems, too, but since Spike had been consistently eating all of them since moving to Ponyville, Twilight had hid them somewhere in the library and only got them out for him on a meal-by-meal basis.

After filling the glass, Twilight turned back to Applejack and found her biting her lip and looking out the window. She said nothing but walked closer.

Suddenly, AJ started saying something quietly to herself. “It’s still the afternoon, Applebloom don’t come home til almost sundown, Spike shouldn’t be comin’ in here ‘til nearly then-”

“Applejack?”

The earth pony jumped a bit, inhaling sharply, but calmed down immediately. She took the water in hoof, saying thanks, and took a drink.

“What were you saying about Spike?” Twilight asked, curious about the short dialogue.

One of Applejack’s eyebrows raised. “What about Spike?”

“You were talking about Applebloom and Spike.”

“Ah didn’t say anything.” She looked genuinely confused.

“Well, you were saying something...” Twilight reasoned, “Maybe you just didn’t realize you were talking out loud?”

The earth pony shrugged. “Maybe,” she said, before taking another drink. “Well, Ah came here to ask you something, might as well do it now.” She breathed in, and asked, “If somepony else was gonna ask you the things y’all asked everypony else, what would y’all say?”

Twilight’s brows rose in surprise: she hadn’t expected this question. “That’s... an interesting question, Applejack.”

The orange mare set her glass down on the counter. “Ah just wanna know, from you. You’re smarter than pretty much everypony else who talked today.”

“Well,” she replied. “Thank you for that, but... I mean, I’ll tell you, it’s just... an unexpected question.”

Applejack exhaled.

“I mean, I support it. What other ponies do is their own business. But... I can’t say that those who oppose the thought are all that wrong.”

Applejack’s rear leg muscles weakened.

“I mean, ponies like Cherry Cola are way off about pretty much everything, but even he had a few points that are sort of right, given the mindset that- hey, where are you going?”

Applejack was headed to the door, head hanging lower than it normally was. She glanced up and said “Ah got what Ah needed, Twi... thanks.”

“What in Equestria are you talking about? You said you wanted to hear what I had to say!”

Applejack sat on her haunches. “Ah’ve heard enough. You said that they aren’t wrong. You only support it because you’re a nice mare, but no other reason. Ah didn’t need to know anything else, so Ah’m going home.”

Twilight’s lips moved without making any sound. Did she really miscommunicate that badly? Quickly, she ran through the things she said in her head. ... ... ... Well, it wasn’t exactly orchestrated in the exactly right manner, but she was getting to the explanations! Anyways, why would her not-full-support of gay marriage affect Applejack in such a way that-

...oh.

“Applejack, wait!” she cried, before teleporting herself between her friend and the doorway. “You didn’t let me finish!”

The earth pony looked up through blonde fringe. “Ah know what you’re gonna say, though, and Ah’m tellin’ you that it’s fine.” She blinked, and her eyes started to glisten a bit. “Thanks for bein’ my friend and all, but Ah’m gonna have to ask you to move so Ah can go home-”

“No, you don’t know what I’m going to say, Applejack. You know why? Because I like mares, too.”

Silence fell in the room as the implications of this statement settled in Applejack’s mind.

“But- how- you-”

“I see that I didn’t say things in the right order, which made you think that I didn’t support it, and I’m sorry for the confusion I caused you just now because of it. It hit you doubly because you yourself are gay- and don’t ask me how I know that, because I just analyzed everything you did in the past few minutes, and the more I think about it, the clearer it is. Why else would you become suddenly depressed after one of your best friends tells you they don’t support a certain life choice?”

Applejack was nearly speechless. “But... if you... then why...”

“Just because I’m gay- well, actually I’m sort of bi, but still- doesn’t mean that I can’t think that the other side has a few points. There are a few- but only a few- things that they say that have some merit, but all of those things are founded on ignorance. They’re not stupid, it’s sound logic, but that logic is made without the proper base of knowledge. They didn’t grow up knowing everything there is to know about love and science- and I should know, having been foalsat by Princess Cadance and reading textbooks every day.”

Applejack contemplated this for a moment. “...go on.”

“First of all, the issue of family. While it’s true that haploid gametes from opposite genders need to fuse to form a zygote leading to a blastocyst, sexual intercourse is not the only way of sharing sex cells.” Applejack blinked, obviously not having understood any of that. Twilight sighed, and reiterated. “A sperm and egg need to come together to make a baby, but you don’t need to have sex between a mare and a stallion to do it.”

Twilight continued upon affirming that she was understood now. “It’s possible, using magic, to artificially fertilize an egg cell using magic. It’s possible to get the DNA from an egg by absorbing it with a unicorn’s horn, then releasing the magic energy into another mare’s uterus. It’s just a simple transmutation spell. Anyways, once the DNA from the first egg merges with the second egg, a foal will start being formed.”

Applejack nodded slowly. “So...” she said. “Cherry’s spouting hot air?”

Twilight nodded quickly. “For the most part, yes.”

The earth pony paused and thought about this. What Twilight said made sense now: it just took some explaining. “Ah feel stupid now. I shoulda known better than to assume what you were gonna say before y’all said it.”

“I don’t blame you: I’m still in analytical mode from the meeting, probably won’t be out of it until after a good night’s sleep.” she looked out the window: it was getting darker. “When do the crusaders usually retire?” Twilight asked. “I mean, on the topic of sleep, Spike needs his rest.”

Applejack looked out as well. “Ah don’t think it should be very long now...” she glanced back at the unicorn. “Twi? What happened here... it stays here, right?”

Twilight nodded. “Of course, Applejack. I would never dream of violating your trust. I mean, I don’t want anypony other than my family knowing about myself for the time being. You can see how letting the whole town know would be bad for the business.”

“Don’t Ah know it...” she paused for a moment before asking, “You told your family?”

“Of course I did. I mean, it took a while after I found out about my feelings, but it did eventually get done. First, I did some research about it, and then I asked Princess Celestia. They both told me about all the scientific research done on the subject, and I found out about the magical impregnation. Afterwards, I talked to Cadance about it, what with her being Princess of Love and everything. During that conversation I mustered up the courage to tell her about myself being interested in other fillies somewhere down the road.

“She was happy for me, which was good. That night, Shining Armor came to bring me home... it was the night before he left to military training. I wanted to tell him then and there, so I did. Same positive result, so I told my parents, too. Spike sorta found out over the years he was my assistant back in Canterlot. So my whole family has known since then.” Twilight finished her short story. “Why do you ask?”

Applejack shrugged. “Ah haven’t told mah family yet.”

“Why not?” Twilight inquired. “Aren’t they in full support?”

She nodded. “Yeah, they are, Ah just never got up the nerve to tell ‘em.”

“Afraid of rejection?”

Applejack nodded again. “Ah know nothin’ will change, but there’s always that possibility. Family’s the most important thing in mah life, and the thought of losin’ that scares the hay outta me...”

Twilight put a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder. “I was scared of that happening, too. It felt like my legs were made of jelly before I told my mom and dad. But, if family is as important to Applebloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith as it is to you, then this shouldn’t be a problem even if they didn’t support gay rights. Make sense?”

Applejack sighed. “Yeah,” she said. “Ah guess so...”

The unicorn moved her hoof back to the ground and returned her gaze to the window outside. The sun was just touching the horizon. In the distance, a small dust cloud was steadily growing bigger. It increased in size until it was visible as Scootaloo pulling a wagon full of fillies and a dragon.

“The Crusaders are here,” Twilight stated.

“Ah see that... Ah should probably get Applebloom and go home.”

“Probably.”

“...thanks for all your help today, Twilight.”

She shrugged and smiled. “It’s no trouble at all, Applejack.”

She headed for the door, and stopped before opening it. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. She reached a hoof towards the door handle and stopped. She breathed in and out twice before turning. “If it ain’t too much trouble, can Ah ask y’all to have dinner down at Sweet Apple? Ah wanna tell them about this whole...” she motioned a hoof around in circles. “...lesbian thing.”

Twilight put a hoof to her lips and thought about this proposition. It had been a while since she’d had hearty home cooking Apple family-style, and it would be a very nice gesture for Applejack, but what about Spike?

“Hmm...” she said. “I have some extra bits lying around somewhere, I can have Spike go out to eat: he’s a growing dragon, and he’s responsible enough to not need supervision. Sure, why not?”

Applejack smiled. “Thanks, Twi.”

The door suddenly slammed open, revealing a worse-for-wear dragon panting and clutching the door frame, covered in scrapes, scratches, and dirty hashtag- shaped marks, with a pink-striped helmet impaled by his lime-green spikes atop his wide-eyed head.

“NEVER.” he panted. “AGAIN.”

“Spike!” Twilight exclaimed upon seeing her assistant in such a state. “What happened?”

He let go of the door frame and pointed out at Ponyville square. “THEM.” he panted. “They happened.” He ripped the helmet off, dropped it on the floor, and headed to the stairs. “I’m going to bed... good night Litwight and Jappleack... or, whatever...” he collapsed onto the bottom step and started snoring.

The mares exchanged a look of disbelief. Then, they looked out the doorway to see three adrenaline-filled fillies stumbling around and looking a little sick, but still happy.

“...Well,” Twilight said. “I guess I don’t need to worry about Spike after all. I’ll put him to bed, you should send Sweetie Belle to Rarity’s and send Scootaloo to-”

“Yeah,” she said. “Ah got it.”

/x/ MEANWHILE IN THE SCHOOLHOUSE /x/

“Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, are you really bored so soon?”

Zecora noticed the bored-to-death and the slightly-less-than-bored-to-death-but-still-a-moderate-amount-of-bored fillies sitting in the corner, away from the other foals.

“Why not listen to a book being read, or get a balloon hat to wear on your head?”

Diamond looked up at the new company and sighed. “Miss Cheerilee’s interpretation of children’s tastes in literature is juvenile at best, and although I can appreciate the artistic aspect of Amethyst’s attempts at appeasing the younger kids, I outgrew balloon hats a long time ago. So please- Zecora, is it? Just leave us alone, okay?”

The zebra’s eye twitched. “If indulging in your inner child is too taboo, perhaps you could find something else to do? Would you rather lie here, bored out of your mind, or-”

“I’d rather lie here, bored out of my mind.”

“... well ... fine.”

/x/x/x/

“Holy Celestia that was boring,” a voice said, opening a bedroom door.

“Lyra, come on.” a second voice said, following the first inside. “It wasn’t really that bad, was it?”

“Bon Bon, I listened to a bunch of ponies saying ‘yea’ or ‘neigh’ or arguing with each other, and literally nothing fun happened until Lucky was wailing on Cherry. And we didn’t even get to see what would have happened after that!”

The earth pony rolled her eyes. “You really expected it to be fun?” she asked. “And why did you enjoy that fight, anyways? It was balanced quite unfairly: everypony knows that Cherry’s an entitled brat who only knows how to fight with words.”

“Well, yeah,” Lyra replied. “That’s why it was awesome! Who doesn’t want to see uppity stallions get their flanks kicked?”

“Me.”

The unicorn rolled her eyes. “Oh, you don’t count. The only things that interest you are your chocolate shop and this,” she said, tapping her horn with one hoof.

Bon Bon blushed. “Lyra!” she cried, embarrassment clear in her voice and on her face.

A cheeky grin replied, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”

This time, the earth pony rolled her eyes. “Mature.”

“Me? Mature? Ha!” Lyra laughed. “Funny joke.”

“Like your harp playing?”

Lyra stopped laughing and narrowed her eyes at her spouse. “You,” she said, “Are the worst type of pony.”

Bon Bon shrugged. “I try.”

A pleasant demeanor returned to the unicorn’s face. “I’m gonna take a bath before bed.” she said, turning to the bathroom door on the right side of the room. “You can join if you like,” she whispered seductively, swishing her tail and fluttering her eyelashes.

This was returned with a face that said ‘Are you serious right now?’

“Will this work better if I lick my lips and bit my tongue?”

“No.”

Lyra slumped her shoulders. “Okay,” she sighed. “You don’t love me, I understand. I’ll just take a cold, lonely bath all by myself, singing depressing songs...”

“Not too loud, I’m tired.”

“...Eating chocolates.”

Bon Bon snapped to attention. “Alright, I’m there.”

/x/x/x/

OBLIGATORY SEX SCENE- BATHTIME EDITION

/x/x/x/

The door to Sugarcube Corner slammed open.

“Dear, what if the kids are asleep?”

Carrot Cake strode in angrily. “They’re with Pinkie Pie, and it’s before sundown. They’re awake.” he snapped, before heading into the kitchen. “Tuck in the kids, I’ll get tomorrow’s batches started.” and with that, he slammed that door.

Cup Cake pursed her lips. She’d always known he was slightly homophobic, but this was the most heated she’d ever seen him about anything. She worried for his heart... it wasn’t as strong as it used to be.

“Do you hear that!?” Pinkie’s voice carried down the stairs. “Mommy and Daddy are home!” Joyful cheers followed this revelation, followed by a stampede of hooves. A pink blur zoomed down the stairs and towards the blue-coated mare, stopping just in front of her. “Eeeeerrrkkk... chaa! Ding-dong, now arriving at your destination!”

“Mama!” the babies cried simultaneously, reaching out to the older pony. She reached out two hooves and picked them up, holding them close.

“How was today, Mrs Cake?”

“Oh, it was fine, Pinkie. You would have found it boring, though...” her attention drifted off to the kitchen door. She absentmindedly asked, “Did you have fun on your extended playdate?”

“Oh boy, did we!” Pinkie Pie could barely contain her excitement. “First we played hide and seek- Pumpkin won, but she cheated by phasing through the wall. Then we played tag- Pound won, because he can fly really fast now. Then we played some Call of Duty- we stopped, because those two are really bad at covering my flank! And after that we read a book or two, but then I got bored of the books and we went on a walk- they fell asleep on the walk, so while they had their nap I narrated the beginning of the chapter, and after that...” this was about the time where Pinkie would open her eyes to find the Mrs Cake sprawled on the ground with spirals on her eyes, and the twins sucking on her mane, but... she was absently gazing at the kitchen, slowly rocking the babies (they were sucking on her mane, though).

“...Mrs Cake, is everything okay?”

She jumped. “Huh? Oh, sorry Pinkie Pie. It was just... a stressful day for me and Mr Cake... we’re all going to hit the hay early tonight, all right?”

Pinkie saluted. “You got it, Mrs Cake!” and with that she trotted towards the stairs. Turning around, she said, “And instead of hitting the hay you should really just sleep on it.” and she continued up the stairs. But again, before hitting the top, she looked down and said, “Come to think of it, you should get a mattress instead, because hay is really hard to sleep on. I mean, it gets all itchy!”

Cupcake nodded. “I’ll think about it. Good night, Pinkie.”

“Good night, Mrs Cake. Good night, babies!”

“Night night!” Pound cried.
“Pinkie Pie!” Pumpkin cried.

Pinkie smiled at them, then went the rest of the way upstairs. She started bouncing along the hallway, but then she slowed to a canter and eventually a trot. Her smile faded. ‘Why did Mrs Cake look so sad?’ she mused to herself. ‘Did something happen today?’ she asked. But, she shrugged this off. ‘I can ask somepony tomorrow- maybe Twilight or Dashie or somepony!’

And with that, she bounced the rest of the way to her room, and closed the door.

Five minutes later, she exclaimed, “Eat napalm, campers!”

/x/x/x/

Applejack, Twilight, and Applebloom- who was riding atop her older sister- were nearly at the farmhouse, and the sun had started setting.

“So, Twalight,” the filly asked. “Why exactly are y’all comin’ over for dinner tonight?”

The mares exchanged glances, and Applejack shrugged. Twilight looked back to Applebloom. “No reason, really,” she said. “Why exactly did Scootaloo go the the quarry?”

She thought about this for a minute. “No reason... oh!”

Twilight nodded at the redhead’s revelation.

They walked in silence for a moment. “Spike’s alright, right? He looked a little shook up. Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, don’t worry.” Twilight said. “He just needs some sleep.”

“Yeah,” Applejack said. “His life’s been in danger before: you should feel lucky y’all caused it, and didn’t save him from it.” Unpleasant memories surfaced upon thinking about the dragon code. Applejack shuddered.

“Ah’ll bet...”

They continued to walk in silence. The moon started shining more as the sun set. Stars were appearing in the eastern sky, and Applebloom marveled at the sight. She’d always seen the stars since her birth, but only since Luna’s freedom from Night Mare Moon had they been so vibrant and beautiful.

Of course, every filly had a somewhat short attention span.

“Say, how did things go at the meeting?”

Twilight paused a moment, but just a moment, and continued to walk. She inhaled, about to say, ‘It was boring, you wouldn’t have liked it at all.’ but was not expecting Applejack to interject so bluntly.

“Cherry Cola started spouting hooey about ‘fundamentals’ to Rainbow Dash, that didn’t end well. He started talking about how if two ponies can’t have babies, they shouldn’t be together.”

Applebloom rolled his eyes. “‘course he did. Did anypony say anythin’ about ponies who can’t have kids?”

“Derpy did. Turns out she can’t have kids, and she adopted Dinky and Amethyst.”

Applebloom gasped. “Do they know?”

Applejack nodded no. “Ah think Amethyst knows- Ah mean, Derpy and Time Turned don’t got no unicorn in their blood, she’s gotta know. But there ain’t no way Dinky knows. Don’t tell anypony at school, not even Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo.”

“Ah promise,” she replied. “Cross mah heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in mah eye!”

Applejack nodded. “Good.”

“Well,” Applebloom pushed, “What’d Cherry say back!?”

The orange mare didn’t say anything for a minute. Then, she said, “He called her a freak of nature, just like the gays.”

“WHAT!?”

“Rainbow Dash tried to attack him, but Ah tackled her to make sure she didn’t do nothin’ stupid. Derpy ran out though, cryin’. Fluttershy and Raindrops chased after her.”

“Why’d you stop her? He had it comin’!”

“Well, Lucky gave ‘im a good pummelin’. Hit him right in the face, then started slammin’ hooves down. Knocked some teeth out.”

“Hehe, nice. Serves that jerk right.”

“And to top it all off, the Mayor started yellin’ at him right in front of everypony! Needless to say, we didn’t really do much else after that. We all kinda went our own ways after that.”

“Eh, it figures. Wish Ah coulda gone.”

“Not even Diamond Tiara went, Ah doubt you’re goin’ for a while.”

“Aw man... Well, we’re here.” Applebloom jumped off of her sister. “Ah’m gonna go get washed up for supper.” and with that, she ran in the house. The mares heard a “Hi Granny!” before the door closed.

Twilight was staring at the house. She didn’t expect Applebloom to be interested in or know anything about the meeting or anything Cherry said, and she certainly didn’t expect Applejack to tell her anything!

“Sugarcube, y’all comin’ in?”

This shook the unicorn out of her trance. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m coming.”

She followed Applejack in. The orange earth pony informed Granny and Big Mac of their dinner guest. ‘Hello’s were exchanged, and Twilight was told where the bathroom was. She headed up the stairs, encountering a wet Applebloom. She looked four shades brighter- or, I should say, less dirty- than before.

“‘scuse me,” she said, before heading the rest of the way down. Twilight blinked a few times, still shocked about the exchange from earlier. Applebloom was smart for her age: it seemed like just yesterday she was writing gossip columns. She was taking big steps up.

After washing her hooves, satisfied that all the dirt from the road was gone, the purple unicorn headed back downstairs to find Applebloom pulling a fifth chair to the table, then sat in her own. Twilight asked the older apples if she could assist with anything, but they assured her they had everything under control.

Big Macintosh set out four plates, cups, and sets of silverware, then took a look at Twilight and blushed, mumbling an apology before getting a fifth set of each. He then went to the oven and pulled out a pot of baked apples, setting it on the table. Applejack set down a loaf of bread and a block of cheese, and Granny Smith brought a jar of applesauce and a salad bowl full of various greens and flowers.

The apples then sat in their seats: Big Mac to Twilight’s left, Applejack across, Granny Smith on the right, and Applebloom to the right. They all connected hooves, Twilight included, and blessed Celestia. After that, Applejack told Twilight to ‘dig in’.

They supped; conversations were shared, food was eaten- and complimented by Twilight- and the end of the meal left everypony satisfied... except, that is, for one orange mare, who had something to say. She coughed to get their attention, a simple ‘Ahem’. She commanded the eyes of her three family members and friend.

“Everypony, there’s... somethin’ Ah gotta tell y’all...” she closed her eyes, and took a deep breath in, exhaling it slowly. Upon reopening her eyes, she looked to Twilight for support. The unicorn smiled and nodded, affirming that she was there for her friend.

Applejack glanced between her grandmother, brother, and younger sister before looking down at her plate, and the remnants of her meal.

“Ah didn’t say mah piece at this meetin’ today, because...”

She looked back to Twilight, before breathing again.

“...because Ah didn’t want ponies to find out...”

She closed her eyes, and upon opening them, looked at Granny Smith.

“That Ah myself... was a fillyfooler.”

There was a moment of silence following the revelation. Twilight observed the blank faces of the apples. At first nothing, but then, they did react. Big Mac smiled, and patted an affectionate hoof on his sister’s shoulder. Granny Smith closed her eyes and nodded. Applebloom cried, “All right Applejack!”, pumping a hoof in the air. “Granny, can we bust out that zap-apple pie we’ve been saving for a special occasion?”

The ancient mare opened her eyes and looked at Applebloom. “Ah suppose so,” she said to her youngest granddaughter. “Why don’t you go get it out of the pantry while I have a word with your sister?”

“Okay!” she exclaimed, before jumping out of her chair and racing into the other room.

Granny Smith smiled at the zealous display, before turning her gaze upon Applejack. “Ah’m glad y’all finally built up the nerve to tell us all, AJ.” she said. “On top o’ that, now your good friend Twilight knows, too!”

“Granny,” she replied. “Ah actually told Twilight a few hours ago. Well... she kinda found out about it, but still. She agreed to come here with me tonight and be there for me when Ah told y’all.”

Twilight blushed a little. “It was nothing, really,” she said, trying to be as modest as possible. “I just came for the food.”

Granny turned her head so her gaze met the unicorn’s. “Thank y’all for helping mah grandbaby with this, Twilight. The good Princess taught y’all well. Yer welcome here, ‘jus’ for the food’, any time.”

Big Mac nodded. “Eeyup.”

Applebloom trotted in, carrying the pie atop her head. “Twalight,” she said, “This is gonna be the greatest pie y’all have ever tasted!” she slid it onto the table, and put her hooves on the unicorn’s shoulders. “This. Will. Change. Your. Life.” she said, moving her head closer with each syllable.

“Applebloom,” her older sister chided, “Ah don’t think she appreciates you pullin’ her head down like that. Y’all wanna think about knockin’ it off?”

She pulled away. “Wha-?” she asked, before realizing what she’d done. “Oh... hehe... sorry, Twilight...” she said, blushing.

“You’re fine, Applebloom,” the unicorn replied. “But it’s just pie: if I can expect the same quality from your desserts as I can from your dinner, I know it’ll be amazing, but life changing? Will it really affect me that much?”

All the apples exchanged knowing glances. Big Macintosh peeled the aluminum foil off the top of the pie pan, revealing the golden crust underneath. Applebloom jumped on her seat, planting her hooves on the table to inhale the aroma. Granny Smith set her hoof on the filly’s shoulder and pulled her back, nodding her head ‘no’. Applebloom pouted.

Applejack reached behind her into a drawer, and pulled out a pie cutter, handing it to her brother as it it were the holy grail. He took it in hoof, and made the first cut, as if he was a surgeon. Slowly pulling the cutter along, slicing out a piece, letting the sticky rainbow juice flow out slowly but surely... and eventually, finishing the cut.

Twilight couldn’t help but giggle to herself at the pomp and circumstance.

Big Mac slowly slipped the cutter underneath the slice, and carefully lifted it out. The filling was now exposed; Twilight felt as if the pie was voyeuristic, seeing as some saliva slipped out of Applebloom’s mouth and onto the table. The slice was set down on her plate, and the stallion started cutting more pieces.

Twilight looked at the pie. Yes, it looked delicious, but it was just another apple pie... right?

“Go on,” Applejack said. “Take a bite. It’s our thanks to you for helping bring us closer together.”

Twilight picked up her fork, and cut a bite from the slice. She looked up to see the apples awaiting her reaction. She looked back down at the plate, and the pie. She scooped the piece with her fork, and, after looking back up at her hosts, but the bite in her mouth.

Four sharp inhales were taken, and Twilight chewed. It tasted like regular apple pie. But then... there was another flavor. At first, it tasted similarly to cinnamon. But then, it shifted to clove. And even then, it shifted to a somewhat ginger-y taste. But it still wasn’t done: it had a sour taste, like a granny smith, but then mellowed out into a more sweet taste.



By this time, she was done chewing, and swallowed. “You know,” she said. “It has a nice flavor... very interesting, and I like how the layers kkiinnddaa cchhaannggee oovveerr ttiimmee aaannnddd bbbllleeennnddd tttooogggeeettthhheeerrr fffffooooorrrrr aaaaa bbbbbiiiiiggggg fffffiiiiinnnnniiiiissssshhhhh zzzzzzzeeeeeeerrrrrrrggggggg mmmmmmmuuuuuuulllllllfffffff I CAN FEEL NIRVANA dddddddeeeeeeessssssshhhhhhh mmmmmmmooooooorrrrrrrttttttt AND HE SMELLS DELICIOUS qqqqqqqwwwwwwwoooooooppppppp rrrrrrraaaaaaacccccccsssssss ddddddduuuuuuudddddddeeeeeee THESE COLORS TASTE LIKE MUSIC!!!”

Twilight’s chair had fallen over backwards and she was now convulsing on the ground, eyes turned a pulsing rainbow color. Her horn was glowing an unidentified color and she was salivating uncontrollably out the side of her mouth.

Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith exchanged glances, but Applebloom kept watching Twilight. After a moment, she looked back up to the table, and at the unicorn’s plate. She said nothing for a moment, but then she asked, “Can I have the rest of Twilight’s pie?”

/x/x/x/

Twilight woke up to find herself walking in Ponyville Square in nearly pitch darkness with a killer headache, leaning on somepony. She pulled away, nearly collapsing, but recovering. She put a hoof on her head and turned to her crutch. It was Applejack.

“Rise and shine there, Sugarcube.”

“Wha...” a pang hit her head before she formulated her question. “What... happened?”

“Zap apple pie happened,” she said. “Y’all can see why we sell it as jam.”

Twilight could remember eating the pie, then... walking through a meadow, then... swimming through the clouds, then... Pinkie Pie wearing some weird armor and holding a weird metal object, then... falling, but with weird pink appendages on her hooves, then... nothing. Then waking up on Applejack.

“That was...” she began to say. “The single wierdest moment...” the unicorn continued. “Of my entire life...” and finally, she finished. “And I’m including the first Discord incident.”

Applejack threw back her head and laughed. “Yup, that’s pretty much what all non-apple family folk say! But, you still enjoyed it?”

“Umm... yeah, I did... It was just... like a really bad drug trip... or, at least, what I’ve read about really bad drug trips... how did I get here?”

“Oh, after y’all didn’t get up, Ah started walking you home. That’s why you’re here right now.”

“Okay...” Twilight said. But then, she said something else. “What if I didn’t recover by the time I got home?”

“Ah woulda taken y’all to the hospital.”

“Oh... well... that’s nice. Thanks, AJ.”

“Least Ah could do. Y’all helped me do somethin’, Ah can return the favor ten times over.” she looked up to the treebrary. “Well, here’s your stop. See y’all tomorrow, okay?”

Twilight nodded. “Yeah, see you tomorrow...” the orange mare nodded as she began to walk away. Twilight was going to say something else, but she wasn’t quite sure what to say. She attributed it to tiredness and went into the library, closing the door behind her.

/x/x/x/

“...Luna...” Celestia asked. “...why are you curled in the fetal position?”

“Somepony... ate... Zap Apple Pie... for the first time.”

Celestia bowed her head, and laid a hoof on her sister’s shoulder. “Shhh... It’s okay,” she said. “It’s over now.”

/x/x/x/

Regards,
Mayor Mare

Utterly pointless is what this letter is. Even if he did care about his son even a little bit, I can’t expect him to think rationally. I’ve met his parents, he’s screwed up beyond repair. So if I’m left without logic, what am I even bothering sending this for? Principle?

He can’t be bothered by principle. The only principles important to that prude are money and power. Ponyville’s so small, we don’t have either. What value we have is sentimental at best, and the only outreach we have is zap apple jam, and I don’t even control that!

As long as business is privatized, I can’t do a single thing. Sure, I can get on my knees and beg Filthy Rich to let us get a cut of his profits, but do I seriously expect that tightwad to become a philanthropist? Think logically now: I’m the only one who can do that, it seems. Plus, after today’s display, I must have lost all his respect and chances at cooperation anyways!

But this isn’t about Filthy: it’s about my ex-husband. Dammit, why can’t everything be simple anymore!? Ugh, I need to talk to Captain Spitfire, they all should know what to do. But no, I can’t do that, the Wonderbolts are in Fillydelphia right now! So what, can I message the Princess?

Oh wait, that’s a great idea. ‘Hey Princess Celestia, how can I siphon money out of somepony’s accounts and avoid paying enough taxes to keep us from going even further in the hole?’ Every bit needs to go into that griffin uprising across the ocean, so thinking purely about my own town would be selfish.

Twilight Sparkle could manage the accounts and find me a way to squeeze out as much money as possible, but she’s already done so much for me... I really should apologize for brushing her off like that today. I need to quit shoving my allies away, I only have so few...

...

I don’t know why I kept that picture frame. Me, my ex-husband, my parents...

Two siblings, two parents... how perfect...

...Damn family pictures.

/x/x/x/