…Or Live So Long
The cinders of Fluttershy’s cottage fizzled as the evening chill swept across the meadows, gently disturbing the piles of ash and scattering them to the wind. Twilight just stared at the wreckage in abject horror, tears of anger and grief barely held in check.
“Twilight, I…I am so sorry-” Princess Celestia said, extending a hoof to touch Twilight’s shoulder. Twilight bitterly shrugged her off and started rooting around in the rubble for anything of Fluttershy’s she could still save.
“Need a hand there, Twilight?” Discord called. “I think there’s a bit of pottery under the couch that Tia hasn’t managed to completely eradicate with her little temper tantrum.”
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?!” Princess Celestia snarled.
“What did I do?!” Discord cried. “All I did was talk; you were the one who burned an entire house down if you remember correctly!”
“Oh, spirits, Discord, you always manage to bring out the worst in me.” Princess Celestia said.
“Always, always, always blaming me for every little thing that goes wrong in your life!” Discord said. “I’m just a big bad boogeyman for you to blame when things don’t go your way! After all these years, you’re still the selfish little brat looking to foist her responsibility off on somepony else!”
“Foist my-” Princess Celestia balked, glancing back at Twilight to see if she had heard him. “Who told you about that? H-how did you know?”
“How did I know wh-” Discord looked from Celestia, then to Twilight, then back to Celestia with a grin. “Ohhhhh.”
Princess Celestia paled when she realized what she had given away.
“So that’s the reason you bestowed such a great honor on little Twilight.” Discord said. “All that talk of destiny and fate and all that mahou shoujo nonsense was just a crock of dung; destiny didn’t make Twilight all feathery, you did-”
“Be quiet!” Princess Celestia said.
“So this is what you were worried that I would tell Twilight?” Discord said. “You haven’t told her your intentions?”
“No, and you would do well to remain silent!” Princess Celestia said.
“And how much is my silence worth to you, Celestia?” Discord said. “I seem to have you at a disadvantage.”
"Don't make me laugh; do you really think she’ll believe you if you tell her?” Princess Celestia said.
“Right now…she trusts me more than you.” Discord hissed. “And all it will take from me is a few words and she’ll never trust you again.”
Princess Celestia glowered at the grinning serpent before her. “What…what is it you want?”
"Oh, where to begin..." Discord said.“Freedom, for starters. I want to leave this miserable little town and go wherever I please.”
“And let you wreak havoc across the countryside?” Princess Celestia laughed bitterly. “Never.”
“What makes you think I’m planning on staying in Equestria?” Discord said. “Besides, you’re not in a great position to barter with me. If you insist on keeping me under your royal thumb, I’m afraid I can’t guarantee that I’ll keep quiet. I’m such an awful gossip, you know.”
“You…you horrible little-.” Princess Celestia said.
“Ah ah ah.” Discord chided. “Watch the mud slinging princess; I’m not the one fattening little Twilight up for the proverbial slaughter just to satisfy a childish hope.”
Princess Celestia ground her teeth in frustration, trying to will Discord and his smug smirk out of existence with the power of her hatred alone. When that failed, she closed her eyes and sighed deeply through her nose.
“If you so much as step on a ladybug outside of Ponyville, Discord, there will absolute hell to pay.” Princess Celestia said. “I swear this on everything I’ve ever loved; if I come to regret letting you go, if a single pony suffers from your actions there will be no force on earth that will stop me from tearing you limb from limb and burning you until the ashes of your ashes are unrecognizable. Clear?”
“Crystal.” Discord said. “I wasn’t planning on hanging about Equestria much longer anyway. Maybe slip the dimensional rift and pal around in Oblivion or Skaia for a bit.”
Princess Celestia shook her head. “You’re welcome to whatever lunacy you wish, Discord, as long as my people are unharmed.”
“So I’m welcome to harm other people?” Discord said. “Good to know.”
“Discord…I’m beginning to regret letting you go.” Princess Celestia said, eyes glowing orange.
“Okay, okay.” Discord said. “I was kidding; I’ll keep my mayhem TV-Y in the future.”
“See that you do.” Princess Celestia said. "Whatever that means."
“You know something…I think I’ll miss you, Tia.” Discord said seriously.
“I wish I could say the feeling is mutual.” Princess Celestia said. "Oh wait; no I don't."
“My life is…chaotic, as you might imagine.” Discord said. “I’ve had very few constants in my life but I could always count on you to be a sourpuss stick in the mud.”
Before Princess Celestia could process the first genuine expression she had ever witnessed from Discord, he snaked his way into the air.
“Well ladies, this has been fun!” Discord cried. “But I’m off for sunnier climates! Actually, Tia’s given me enough sun to last a lifetime so I think I’ll head for…moonier territory for a while. Maybe Elsweyr or Valgipus IV if the Overlord's bratty little son hasn't sold my summer home there. At any rate; I'm out of this story! It's getting a bit grim for my tastes and I don't feel like sticking around to see whatever happy ending the fates have in store. Good luck Twilight! You’re gonna need it!”
And with a bright flash of raspberry chocolate flavored smoke, Discord was gone.
“Wretch.” Princess Celestia murmured to herself. She turned to Twilight only to see her skulking away from the smoking wreckage of Fluttershy’s house. “Twilight, wait!”
“Did you have other business to attend to in Ponyville?” Twilight said icily. “Or did you just come to destroy all I had to remember my friend by?”
“It was an accident!” Princess Celestia cried. “I didn’t mean to…Discord just…and I…oh spirits, Twilight, I’m so-”
“Sorry.” Twilight finished. “I’ve been hearing that a lot from you lately. Well, I’m sorry, your highness, but I have some business to attend to regarding Fluttershy’s funeral so I’m afraid I don’t have the time to chat.”
“Twilight…I’m so, so sorry for your loss.” Princess Celestia said.
"My loss?" Twilight said
"I'm sorry that you lost Fluttershy." Princess Celestia said.
“A lot of ponies are sorry about that.” Twilight responded. “Did you really come all the way from Canterlot just to say that? You’re a busy mare; you could have just written.”
“You stopped reading my letters.” Princess Celestia said.
“They got rather repetitive.” Twilight said.
“Twilight, I just want you to know I’m sorry-”
“Yes, you’ve said that already.” Twilight said, turning to face her former teacher. “What exactly are you sorry for?”
“I’m so, so sorry that you had to lose a friend so-”
“So you’re sorry…for me?” Twilight said. “You haven’t said a single word about Fluttershy; you seem to be more concerned for my state of mind than for my friend who died in a miserable little field miles away from home.”
“Fluttershy was a good mare.” Princess Celestia said. “I will miss her.”
“You will miss her?” Twilight said, glaring at her mentor. “What, exactly, will you miss about her?”
“Sh-she was such a kind girl.” Princess Celestia said nervously, suddenly getting the feeling that she was being tested.
“Everypony knows that.” Twilight said. “She was the element of Kindness after all; it was in the job description. What else are you going to…miss about Fluttershy?”
“She had a…gentle spirit and-”
“Also, pretty obvious given the fact that she was the Element of Kindness.” Twilight said. “What else?”
“I…I greatly enjoyed her…uh...she had a lovely singing voice and-”
“Uh-huh; thought so.” Twilight said. “You know something, I’m beginning to think you’re more concerned that you lost one of the Elements of Harmony than you are for Fluttershy!”
“Twilight, that’s not fair!” Princess Celestia said. “I may not have known her as well as you did but that doesn’t mean that-”
“Actually, I’m glad you’re here.” Twilight said, ruffling through her handbag. “I was going to have Spike mail this but if he can save his breath then-here!” Twilight said, thrusting a sealed scroll at Princess Celestia.
“What is this?” Princess Celestia said, glancing at the scroll.
“My resignation.” Twilight said. “I was going to have Spike mail it but-”
“I don’t understand.” Princess Celestia said. “What are you resigning from?”
“Princesshood.” Twilight said. “I’m done. I, Twilight Sparkle, do hereby relinquish my status of Princess of Equestria and all rights, responsibilities, and privileges therein. I do freely give them up now and forever and-”
“Twilight, you can’t…you can’t just give up your princesshood!” Princess Celestia spluttered.
“Just did.” Twilight said, turning to walk away. “It’s done.”
“Y-you have responsibilities!” Princess Celestia cried, trotting after Twilight.
“Get somepony else to do them.” Twilight said. “I’m sure you can find someone else capable of handling your appointments and being your little attack dog and kissing the ground you walk on...I'm done with all that.”
“Y-you can’t go back to being a regular unicorn if that’s what you’re thinking!” Princess Celestia said.
“Didn’t plan to.” Twilight said. “Just….done with being your little princess project. I’m sure you’ll find somepony capable of replacing me.”
“Nopony like you!” Princess Celestia cried.
“Are you still following me?” Twilight snipped.
“Twilight, the power you have needs to be-”
“Power?!” Twilight shouted, rounding on Celestia so fast that the Princess had to slow her gait or risk slamming into her irate student. “Are you talking about the power that wasn’t enough to stop the poison that killed one of my best friends?!
“The power of an alicorn princess is not so easily defined.” Princess Celestia said evasively. “We…we are not omnipotent. Our power is less…concrete.”
“Less concrete?” Twilight echoed. “Useless, you mean. The power of an alicorn that everypony keeps going on about isn't worth spit!”
“I know you’re angry with me, Twilight¬-”
“Angry?!” Twilight cried. “I passed angry a long, long time ago Princess! I was angry when you wouldn’t let me see Cadence when she was apparently dying. I was angry when you kept her death from me and then blew up at me when I dared to ask why my sister-in-law died! But after months and months of nothing but form letters and weak attempts at royal apologies you burn my friend’s house down, I can honestly say that I’m no longer angry. I am absolutely livid with you!” Princess Celestia backed away as anger wafted off of Twilight in waves of icy magical energy.
“And sorry is all you can say?!” Twilight screamed advancing on the retreating princess. “Oh, gee, Twilight Sparkle, I know one of your best friends who I barely knew died in absolute agony-”
“Coatl venom has hallucinogenic properties.” Princess Celestia said before she could stop herself. “Fluttershy probably didn’t feel a thing, if that makes you feel any better.”
“Oh really?!” Twilight cried, clapping her hooves together. “That makes me feel so much better! Wow, thank you Glorious Sun Princess for telling me that my friend was likely tripping out of her mind on snake acid while she was dying in my arms! WHAT A BUCKING RELIEF! THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT!”
“Twilight!” Princess Celestia cried. “Please, let me explain-”
“And now you have the nerve to stand in front of me and preach about responsibility and power like that means something!”
“I understand that you’re upset.” Princess Celestia said soothingly. “I understand that you feel that your magic failed your friend in her hour of need but-”
“Could you have done it?!” Twilight demanded. “Could you have saved Fluttershy if I sent a letter to you like Pinkie said I should?!”
“The circumstances surrounding Fluttershy’s death were-”
“Could you just appear in that little ostentatious flash of sunlight you love so much and heal Fluttershy?!” Twilight said. “Could all of your power have accomplished that?!”
“Twilight, if your magic was ineffective…mine wouldn’t have done much better.” Princess Celestia said.
“Then I’m right.” Twilight said. “You are useless….a completely useless princess who was a completely useless teacher…”
“A-and what does that make me?” Twilight sniffed, determined to keep her tears hidden from Celestia. “I’m doubly useless; the useless student of a useless teacher. What…what did I even become an alicorn in the first place?! What was the bloody reasoning behind this decision?! Screw responsibility! Screw destiny; I didn’t want this! I was fine as a unicorn…I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for endless appointments and these stupid wings…I never wanted to be so powerfully useless. ”
“You’re right.” Princess Celestia said suddenly. “For all that I can do and all that I have done…in many ways, I am totally useless.”
“News to me.” Twilight said, turning away from Celestia to angrily wipe her eyes.
“I remember the first time I felt that way.” Princess Celestia said. “It was a few years after my coronation and ascension to princesshood. My friends and I had banished Lord Tirek for good, but there were still members of his army causing trouble for us. So, one day, I saddled up and led a party against one of Tirek’s generals.”
“Riding with me was one of my dearest friends, an earth pony named Aigis.” Princess Celestia continued. “I’m ashamed to confess, but before I met Aigis, I didn’t think too highly of earth ponies.”
“What the hell is wrong with being an earth pony?” Twilight asked.
“Nothing, but I was a young unicorn once, infatuated with my magic and convinced of my own superiority.” Princess Celestia said. “Earth ponies and unicorns didn’t always get along and I confess I held an unsavory viewpoint that was…common of young unicorns at the time. Until I met Aigis.”
“She was a far cry from the noble ladies I had surrounded myself with.” Princess Celestia said fondly. “She wasn’t dainty or witty and didn’t constantly flatter me like my other...friends did. She was taller than I am now by half a hoof and carried a shield made of dragonbone that weighed as much as she did. Earth ponies weren’t allowed to be knights back then…but she was determined to change that.
"And I…hated her, at first. Circumstances conspired to throw us together and we quarreled, butted heads, argued…even came to blows once or twice; she tore a chunk out of my mane and I’m afraid I may have scraped her side with my horn. Despite that, or maybe because of it, we grew to be very good friends; war and chaos have a habit of bringing ponies together. And when we discovered the Elements of Harmony…she fittingly took up the mantle of the Element of Honesty.”
“We rode out one day together, determined to defeat one of Tirek’s remaining generals and rid Equestria of his taint for good and all.” Princess Celestia continued, taking Twilight’s silence as evidence of her attention. “I thought myself invincible in my fancy golden armor with my magic spear and shield. ‘Princess Celestia the Triumphant! The Conqueror of Lord Tirek! Riding forth with her faithful retainers against forces most foul in the name of justice and peace!’ I was convinced that we would ride into our enemy’s camp, slay the braggart heathens in the name of Equestria and gallop back to Canterlot in time for supper.”
“It was…a disaster.” Princess Celestia said, eyes glassing over. “Tirek’s general goaded me into a foolhardy charge and led us into a ravine where his monsters fell on us like a tidal wave crashing on a rock. Cyclopses, gryphons, gargoyles, manticores…even a dragon or two now that I think about it. Creatures that I banished beyond Equestria’s farthest borders all returned for revenge. We were badly outnumbered, but my guards kept fighting until, one by one, they fell. And after a time, Only Aigis remained, shielding my back from what few creatures remained.”
“The general-I forget his name, but he was a gryphon the size of a small elephant-finally decided to join the fight himself once his forces were all but decimated. I charged him, looking to end the battle in one fell blow, and in my haste I failed to recognize the obvious trap. I didn’t see his guard lunging for me, fangs bared and talons extended. I didn’t see…but Aigis did.”
“To this day…I don’t know why she didn’t use her shield.” Princess Celestia said. “She had it readied…all she had to do was raise it and protect us both…but she didn’t. Maybe it didn’t occur to her or maybe it was too heavy for her to lift after hours of fighting…maybe she just moved without thinking first. She took the blow that was meant for me and I had time to run the general through his heart.”
“I lay there with her as she bled out, my pitiful medical magic barely slowing the blood flow down.” Princess Celestia said. “I kept talking to her, promising her that I’d save her, that help was on the way…and she died believing that.”
Twilight turned to look at Princess Celestia who was wiping a stray tear away. “She was the first earth pony ever to be knighted in Equestrian history. I knighted her as she lay on the field dying…it was all I could do…”
“I never said that this was going to be easy, Twilight.” Princess Celestia said. “But I never wanted it to be so hard for you so soon. First Shining Armor and then Cadence-”
“Don’t.” Twilight sobbed. “You didn’t want to talk about C-Cadence a year ago, what makes you think I want to hear about her now?!”
“My lack of judgment and concern for Cadence’s dignity caused you a great deal of pain.” Princess Celestia said. “And I should have made things right with you in person at the first available opportunity.”
“I-I would have settled for your second available opportunity.” Twilight sniffed. “But instead I got more half apologies and form letters…do you have a-any idea how that made me feel? Used. Cheap. Like I…I didn’t warrant your personal attention. That my friends and I were just expendable solutions to whatever problem you couldn’t solve yourself. Do you know how much I’ve doubted myself in the last year? Do you know how many nights I spent awake wondering if all those years of training and magical lessons and the whole princess thing was so that you could use me for some unknowable purpose? That I wasn’t even worth your personal attention beyond what I could do for you? Do you have any idea what that feels like, wondering if a pony who y-you thought cared about you and t-trusted you was just using you?”
Princess Celestia stared at the young mare in front of her, her features quivering under the strain of keeping her from dissolving into tears. This proud princess of her own creation looked back at her with anger and hurt that Princess Celestia hadn’t seen in more than a thousand years. It was a look of utmost betrayal and devastation and Celestia knew, in her heart of hearts, that this was one of the worst things she had ever done.
“Alright.” Princess Celestia said with a heavy sigh.
“Alright, what?” Twilight said.
“Alright…if you really want to resign from your duties as princess…I’ll accept your resignation.”
“Really?” Twilight said suspiciously. “Why?”
“Twilight…I have wronged you like I haven’t wronged anypony in hundreds of years. I have been deliberately manipulative and unnecessarily cruel to you and even though I can rationalize it away and say it was for some greater good…the fact of the matter is that I have hurt you, deeply in a way that I never wanted to.” Princess Celestia sighed. “I cannot even begin to fathom how anypony might forgive what I’ve done but if there is anything, anything that I might do to make this up to you-”
“You can explain why Cadence died.” Twilight said abruptly.
“What?” Princess Celestia said.
“You…you owe me that at least.” Twilight said.
“Very well…but please understand that I cannot offer you anything concrete or absolute.” Princess Celestia said. “There have been a grand total of seven alicorns in the history of Equestria and there’s much we don’t know about them. I have my theories, of course-”
“Then let’s hear them.” Twilight said firmly. “Cadence was an alicorn like you, right? I thought you were supposed to live forever.”
"Being an alicorn does not immediately mean that a pony is immortal." Princess Celestia sighed. “Twilight…we are our magic. But we are more than that. We are physical representations of our magic in the world; living symbols of a concept or an idea. But we are not immortal…at least, not innately.”
“What do you mean?” Twilight said.
“Princess Luna and I were charged long ago with guiding the sun and the moon through the heavens and watching over the night and day respectively.” Princess Celestia said. “We have served and lived this long because we are still needed to control the sun and the moon; they will not rise on their own and to date, nopony worthy of controlling them has stepped forward to take them from us…so we endure.”
"But Luna didn't endure." Twilight said. "She left when Nightmare Moon took over."
"And as the only pony capable of controlling the moon, her power passed to me as the most worthy successor." Princess Celestia said.
"You can just do that?" Twilight said.
"No...transferring one alicorn's purview to another is a difficult task. The other alicorn must be capable of wielding the magic thrust upon her. If I hadn't been able to control the moon, I fear Equestria might have roasted under a thousand years of sunlight."
"But you learned?" Twilight said. "How? Did Luna teach you?"
"She didn't have time and even if she wanted to...I wasn't interested in what she had to teach." Princess Celestia said softly. "As a result, the moon and the stars were... rebellious under my command. They didn't like me and it was only after a great deal of effort that I was able to control both them."
"So when Princess Luna returned..."
"The power over night left me and flocked joyfully back to its original master." Princess Celestia said. "The power given to us goes to she who is most worthy of wielding it. I am the currently the pony most suited to command the sun, Luna is the most worthy to command the moon and you and Cadence were the most worthy to wield magic and love respectfully."
“So…Cadence wasn’t immortal?” Twilight said. “Am…am I-”
“No, Twilight.” Princess Celestia said after a long moment. “As near as I can tell…you are not currently immortal because your current task does not require that you live forever.”
“You keep talking about this task.” Twilight said. “What do you mean; what did you…upgrade me for?”
“You were, ah, upgraded to serve as the ambassador of Friendship and Magic on Equestria.” Princess Celestia said. “Being the Princess of Magic does not require that you live forever. Magic changes; it evolves with each sorceress who adds to a tradition going back to before I was even born. Equestria doesn’t need a single pony to represent that for all eternity.”
“I still don’t understand why Cadence had to die.” Twilight said. “Why didn’t she just…age like everypony else?”
“Cadence loved your brother more than anypony in the world.” Princess Celestia said. “She gave him her heart…and by extension, a large portion of her magic. She gave him her Love… and when he fell in battle a large part of her fell with him. Her magic tore her between this world and....”
“And?” Twilight said.
“That…that is a question even I do not have the answer to.” Princess Celestia said. “It is likely that her magic just imploded after being unbalanced but…”
“But?” Twilight said.
“I…I like to think that a part of Shining Armor, call it the soul or spirit or what have you, carried on after he died and that that part called for Cadence until she had no choice but to leave this world and join him.” Princess Celestia said sheepishly. “I know, it sounds silly…but that’s what I believe.”
“But…you don’t know.” Twilight said.
“All I know is that the love Princess Cadence bore your brother was so great that she quite literally could not go on without him.” Princess Celestia said.
“I-It’s not fair.” Twilight mumbled softly, turning away from Celestia to wipe her eyes.
“What isn’t?” Princess Celestia said softly, anticipating the answer.
“She wasn’t the only pony to love Shining Armor.” Twilight sniffed. “I loved him…and I thought Cadence loved me…w-wasn’t I reason enough to stay?”
“She did stay.” Princess Celestia said. “Longer than I thought she would have and I think it was because she needed to say goodbye to you.”
Twilight’s heart swelled with affection for her sister-in-law only to deflate with cold loneliness when she realized she would never see her again….or her brother…or Flutter-
Twilight fought the tears brimming in her eyes, still determined not to cry in front of Celestia. She tried to take a deep breath but it hitched in her chest and a weak, rebellious sob escaped her lips.
And that was all it took. Twilight hunched over herself, tucking her head into her chest and covering herself with her wings. She fought to control her shaking breath, angrily wiped the tears from her eyes only to find fresh ones taking their place. Finally, she gave in, breathlessly sobbing into her arms for Fluttershy and Cadence and Shining Armor. She cried for all she wanted to say to them; how much she loved them and would trade anything for one more day with them. She wanted to tell Shining Armor how proud she was to call him her brother. She wanted to tell Cadence that she loved her like the big sister she never had. More than anything, she wanted to tell Fluttershy that she was sorry; sorry for letting her down when she needed her the most.
Twilight flinched as a great white wing unfurled itself and wrapped around her shoulder. She looked up and saw the same look Celestia wore on her coronation day. A look of loss, sorrow, and most of all bitter understanding.
“I-I’m still mad at you.” Twilight sobbed.
“I know.” Princess Celestia said.
“B-but I don’t want to be.” Twilight said. “I’ve spent the last year just being mad at you and I’m…I’m just so tired of it. I…I want to forgive you but-”
“Twilight, I’m not asking you to forgive me.” Princess Celestia said. “I know that what I said…what I did is nearly inexcusable and if you want to keep screaming at me or ignoring me, that’s perfectly fine. But just know that, if there ever comes a time when you would like to speak to me again…the door’s always open. I have…missed you, terribly these past months. I would like nothing more than to be a part of your life again. But...it’s not about what I want. It’s about what you want, Twilight. And if you don’t want to see me right now…then I’ll honor your wishes.”
As Princess Celestia stood up to go, she felt a small tug at her tail.
“Do you still miss her?” Twilight said softly.
Princess Celestia sat back down by Twilight. “Not…every day.” She said. “Not even every week. I am ashamed to say that I have sometimes gone decades without thinking of the pony who gave her life for mine.”
“How can you even do that?” Twilight said.
“I don’t know, Twilight…it’s not something a pony like you can understand unti-unless she goes through it herself.” Princess Celestia said. “Time…does things to ponies. Most of the time, ponies don’t live long enough for time to take its toll but ponies like…like me, we start to lose pieces of ourselves as the years go on.”
“Like…” Twilight prompted.
“Memory, for one.” Princess Celestia said. “I forgot the sound of my friends’ voices so many years ago. After that, I forgot what they looked like and I almost forgot their names altogether.”
“How do you stop something like that?” Twilight asked.
“Great effort.” Princess Celestia replied. “I have to dedicate time and energy, sometimes days of both, to remember who my friends were and what they meant to me. If I don’t…they slip away, buried under centuries of useless facts and information.”
“I can’t imagine forgetting the ponies who mean the world to me.” Twilight said softly.
You can’t imagine living as long as I have. Princess Celestia thought to herself.
Twilight said nothing and the pair sat in amiable silence for a while as the moon climbed higher and higher in the night sky.
Finally, Twilight roused herself with a flutter of feathers.
“I should get home.” Twilight said. “Spike’s probably wondering where I’ve been.”
“Yes, you’re right.” Princess Celestia said. “I’ll walk you home…if you don’t mind.”
Twilight shrugged noncommittally and started down the path back into town.
“It would be faster to fly.” Princess Celestia said.
“Meh.” Twilight said. “I prefer walking.”
“Still having trouble with your wings?” Princess Celestia said.
“I prefer walking.” Twilight said through gritted teeth.
Princess Celestia bit back a giggle at Twilight’s embarrassment. Twilight was at least speaking to her again and she didn’t want to jeopardize that.
“About Spike…” Twilight said after a while.
“What about-oh.” Princess Celestia said. “That…listen, Twilight, I never meant to go behind your back or-”
“It’s fine.” Twilight said.
“It’s an excellent school.” Princess Celestia said.
“So I’ve heard.” Twilight said.
“And as I’m sure you know, dragons and ponies have historically had a better relationship in Neighpon than in-”
“I know.” Twilight sighed. “I know…I just wish…I wish he could stay with me.”
“I know, Twilight.” Princess Celestia said as the pair wound their way up to the library. “I do too…but I truly think this is going to be good for Spike.”
“Yeah…me too.” Twilight said. “I’m happy for him; really…I may not have let him know it right away but-”
“Then you shouldn’t waste any time making things right with him.” Princess Celestia said. “Trust me; putting it off may be…may be one of the biggest mistakes you’ll ever make.”
“I will…and thank you for setting it up for him.” Twilight said.
“Of course.” Princess Celestia said.
“Well…” Twilight said after a moment of awkward silence. “This is me.”
“It certainly is.” Princess Celestia said.
“Goodnight.” Twilight said opening the door.
“Goodnight.” Princess Celestia said. “And don’t worry about the paperwork; I’ll see to it tomorrow.”
“Paperwork?” Twilight said.
“To overturn your coronation.” Princess Celestia said. “If you really don’t want to go through with this princess business then I’ll have to find another…I’ll have to respect your wishes.”
“Oh…that.” Twilight said. “Just…hold off on filing that stuff. For now, at least.”
“Are you sure?” Princess Celestia said. “I can easily save you the trouble.”
“Yes.” Twilight said after a moment. “It’s been a long weekend and I don’t think I’ll be making any big decisions until Monday…or possibly Tuesday.”
“Can I…can I expect a reply from you when you’ve made your decision?” Princess Celestia said hesitantly.
Twilight looked up at Princess Celestia. Since Shining Armor’s funeral the only memory of Princess Celestia that Twilight could recall was of her bearing down her in anger. Her own anger and mistrust of the Princess was still fresh in Twilight’s mind but looking up at her former mentor’s half hopeful expression invited warmer memories to Twilight’s mind.
“I will…let you know.” Twilight said diplomatically. “One way or another.”
Princess Celestia allowed herself a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Twilight. I promise, you won’t regret-”
“I’m only promising write you with my response.” Twilight said quickly. “After that…we’ll see.”
“We’ll see.” Princess Celestia echoed with a nod. “That something, at least.”
“Goodnight.” Twilight said, turning to go inside.
“Goodnight Twilight.” Princess Celestia said. “It was…I’m sorry about what happened to Fluttershy…but it was very good to see you again.”
“It was…” Twilight said, biting her lip. “It was good of you to come. Fluttershy would have appreciated it. Goodnight…Celestia.”
With that, she gave the surprised Princess a small smile and closed the door behind her.
Twilight let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding, sliding against the door and burying her head in her hooves. It had been a long day and the dress she had worn to Fluttershy’s service was singed and sooty. She shucked it off and over the kitchen bench and noticed a pot of cocoa simmering on the stove. She poured herself a mug, heating it up with a simple warming spell and set off in search of Spike
The door to the balcony was open and Spike was leaning over the balcony, stirring his cocoa and watching something off in the distance.
“Where’ve you been?” Spike said, looking up as Twilight came up beside him
“Just dealing with Discord.” Twilight replied.
“You certainly took your sweet…is your mane burned?” Spike said. Twilight looked up to see that half of her bangs had been sizzled off by the house fire.
“Ugh…I guess so.” Twilight said. “Long story.”
“Discord?” Spike said.
“Celestia.” Twilight said
Spike spat out a mouthful of cocoa. “Seriously?!”
“Seriously.” Twilight said.
“Did you two fight or-”
“No…she lost her temper with Discord and...Fluttershy’s cottage is pretty much gone.”
“What…what happened?!” Spike said.
“I wish I knew.” Twilight said. “She just…exploded. Literally.”
“Like-”
“Fire, smoke, the whole nine yards.” Twilight sighed, rubbing her temples. “It’s been a weird day.”
“So Discord is-”
“Gone.” Twilight said.
“Really?!” Spike said. “Did Celestia-”
“No!” Twilight said. “He left to who knows where and I’m perfectly fine with that.”
“Good riddance; the less we see of that guy the better.”
“My thoughts exactly.” Twilight said.
“So…did you and Celestia…talk?” Spike said.
“There was talking involved.” Twilight said. “More yelling than anything else on my end.”
“Wow…you actually yelled at her?” Spike said.
“Yeah.” Twilight said. “It was…savagely therapeutic.”
“Good for you.” Spike said. “That would be the second time the Princess got yelled at since Shining Armor's funeral.”
“Wait, who are you talking about?!” Twilight said.
“Uh…well, just after we got back from the Crystal Empire that one time, Applejack came to me shaking like a leaf in autumn and said that she may or may not have threatened to kick Celestia’s ass if she ever spoke to you like she did at Shining Armor’s funeral.” Spike said.
“She…Applejack…what?!” Twilight spluttered.
“Yeah and she was convinced that Princess Celestia was going to kill her or something so she wanted me to draft a will in case-” Spike trailed off as Twilight suddenly burst out laughing.
“Are you kidding me?!” Twilight said, clutching her sides and struggling to breath “Applejack…Applejack scolded the ruler of Equestria like she was a bad schoolfilly?!”
“That’s the way she told it.” Spike chuckled. “I believe her too; that mare flat out refuses to give a buck when it comes to speaking her mind.”
“Oh…I’m going to have to do something for her for that.” Twilight laughed, wiping a tear of laughter away. "What do you get a pony who threatens a living goddess with grievous bodily harm for your sake?"
“What about a sash that says “I Yelled at the Ruler of Equestria and Didn’t Die” in nice gold lettering?” Spike said. “I’m sure Rarity would make a matching set for you two to wear around town.”
“She could get it stitched on her hat.” Twilight chuckled.
“Or tattooed on her flank right above her cutie mark.” Spike said, sharing a laugh with Twilight.
“Soo…about your relationship with Celestia.” Spike said. “Are you two-”
“We’ll see.” Twilight said thoughtfully.
“We’ll see?” Spike said.
“It’s…complicated.” Twilight sighed. “I don’t really know if I’m ready to forgive her just yet…but I’m done investing energy in being angry with her. For now we’ll keep things…amicably formal.”
“Well, that’s more than you had yesterday.” Spike shrugged. Off in the distance, Twilight caught a blue streak racing across the night sky, flitting from cloud to cloud at speeds she had trouble keeping up with.
“Is that Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked, watching the light blue streak fly laps through a series of cloud rings, dipping and diving and flying with ferocity Twilight had never seen before.
“She’s been out there all night.” Spike said. “I think I saw her stop once or twice to eat or stretch her wings out but other than that, she’s been training like a mare possessed.”
“Have you ever seen her train like that before?” Twilight asked Spike.
“No…I don’t think I’ve ever seen her train period. Flying like that always came natural to Rainbow Dash so I don’t think she practiced that much.”
“So she was fast enough to break the sound barrier…without even trying?” Twilight said.
“Imagine what she’s gonna be capable of once she actually starts giving a buck.” Spike chuckled. “Maybe if you’re lucky, you can get flying lessons from her before she makes the Wonderbolts; they’re gonna get pricey after that.”
“I guess it’s only a matter of time now before she makes the team.” Twilight said.
“Fluttershy knew all along, didn’t she?” Spike said
“I’m sorry?” Twilight said.
“She knew that Rainbow Dash was always going to make it.” Spike said. “Like you told her, remember?”
“Oh…right.” Twilight said, coughing. They stood together in comfortable silence, watching Rainbow Dash’s routine
“I’m gonna send Gekkou a letter tomorrow.” Spike said suddenly. “I’m gonna turn them down.”
“What?” Twilight said. “Why? I thought you were excited about going.”
“I was but-”
“But?”
“That was before all this stuff with Fluttershy happened.” Spike sighed. “Now that she’s gone…I figured you might want me to stick around a while longer.”
“Of course I want you to stay.” Twilight said, voice thick with emotion. “I want you to stay as my faithful little assistant more than anything in the world.”
“Great.” Spike said with a shaky smile. “So I’ll call them tomorrow and-”
“But...it’s not about what I want.” Twilight said.
“What?” Spike said.
“You’re amazing, Spike.” Twilight said. “You’re brave…kind…loyal and so smart. You practically saved the Crystal Empire at an age when I was too buried in books to worry about anything other than my studies. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I definitely would never have come as far as I have without you helping me along the way. And part of me feels…guilty for that.”
“Guilty…why?” Spike said.
“I don’t know.” Twilight said. “I look at how far you’ve come and I can’t help but wonder if you wouldn’t be so much farther along if you didn’t have to take care of me all the time. If you weren’t fetching my mail or writing my letters or organizing my books…you might have been doing so much more.”
“Hey, don’t knock organizing books.” Spike chuckled. “If I hadn’t done all of that, you might have never found the time to go all horns and wings and pointy crowny things.”
“But that’s my point!” Twilight said. “I would be a…a…horrible selfish nag if I stopped you from going to school!”
“Twilight!” Spike said
“You’ve done so much for me.” Twilight said. “It’s time I did something for you. So Spike…you are officially fired from being my assistant.”
Spike’s jaw went slack. “You’re firing me?!”
“Effective immediately.” Twilight said.
“B-but you just said that you depend on me!” Spike said
“And that’s the problem.” Twilight said. “Everypony’s ready to stand on their own and really start doing something with their lives and I’m still looking to you to carry me. I ought to be embarrassed that my little assistant is growing up faster than I am.”
“Not your assistant anymore.” Spike said.
“No…I guess you’re not.” Twilight said.
They stood staring at the night sky in a blissfully uneasy silence, both aware that their relationship had crossed a threshold that neither could go back on.
“F-friends?” Twilight said after a few moments.
“What?” Spike said, turning to Twilight.
“I…I asked if you wanted to be friends...for real this time.” Twilight said. “I mean…you don’t really have to stick around anymore now that we don’t work together.”
“What?” Spike echoed.
“I’m releasing you from the duty Princess Celestia assigned you when you were a baby.” Twilight said. “You don’t really have to be here anymore but…I was hoping we could still be-”
“You want to know if we can be friends?!” Spike said.
“I…well, I don’t know if I’ve been a very good friend to you.” Twilight said guiltily. “I think maybe I might have taken you for granted. I think sometimes I might have treated you like a glorified butler or a little kid instead of a real friend. And…to be honest…I’m worried the only reason you stuck around me was because Celestia asked you to. But despite how I may have acted...I really care about you Spike. And I would like nothing in the world more than to be your friend. Not your boss or your leader or your princess...just your friend."
Spike stared slackjawed at Twilight, struggling to speak. Finally he shook his head and said,
“You are seriously stupid.” Spike said.
“Wh-what?!” Twilight said.
“Like really, really dumb. I seriously feel bad for Equestria for getting stuck with such a stupid princess.” Spike said.
“Look Spike…if you want to go, just go.” Twilight said. “You don’t have to make fun-”
“After all these years,” Spike said. “After years and years of cleaning your books, organizing your schedule, putting up with your tantrums, cleaning your house, handling your mail and reminding you to bucking sleep…you think we’re going to be friends?!”
“W-well…I thought-”
“Twilight.” Spike said. “We’re not friends.”
Twilight’s heart dropped into her hooves and an ugly knot formed in her throat. “We’re…not?”
“We were never friends.” Spike said empathetically. “After all we’ve been through, how could we be?!”
“W-well…” Twilight said, willing herself not to cry. “I-If that’s how you really feel then-“ Twilight was cut off as Spike threw his arms around her neck in a crushing embrace.
“We were never friends.” Spike said hoarsely. “We’re family Twilight.”
“Oh you little-!” Twilight laughed through a fresh wave of tears. “You had me scared for a second there.”
“Why?!” Spike said. “Did you really think the only reason I stuck around was because of my bucking job?! Because if that were true, I would have ditched your sorry hide a looooooong time ago. You think I stayed for long hours, nights and weekends, no overtime pay, no pay in general, no benefits, no opportunity for advancement-”
“Okay, you’ve made your point.” Twilight laughed, wiping her eyes. “I’ll see if I can wrangle up some back-pay for you before you go.”
“You’re going to wrangle up fourteen years backpay?” Spike said.
“I’m a princess; I’ll find a way.” Twilight said.
“Wow, less than two years of princesshood and you’re already turning into a despot who extorts money from her subjects to pay her cronies.” Spike said.
“What’s the use of having power if you don’t abuse it every now and then?” Twilight joked.
“Hey, you’re not going to hear me complaining.” Spike said. “It’s about time I got some ill-gotten government kickbacks.”
“You’ve certainly earned it.” Twilight said. “Spike?”
“Yeah?” Twilight pulled him into another hug.
“I’m really, really proud of you.” Twilight said. “And I don’t say it nearly enough.”
“Thanks…I’m proud of you too.” Spike said.
“You know something?” Twilight said. “I don’t think we’ve properly celebrated your acceptance.”
“And rob Pinkie of her party planning privileges?” Spike said.
“No, I’m sure she’ll come up with something once we…once we’ve had time to move on a little more.” Twilight sighed. “But I think we should do something; just the two of us.”
“Well…there’s a chocolate cake mix I’ve been saving for a special occasion…” Spike said.
“Now’s a good a time as any!” Twilight said brightly, darting inside.
“Now now?” Spike called down from the loft.
“Yeah! Why not?” Twilight called back.
“It’s pretty late.” Spike said. “I don’t much feel like dragging the cakepan out-”
“Don’t worry about a thing!” Twilight said, rifling through the cabinets for a mixing bowl. “I’ll handle everything myself!”
“You?!” Spike said.
“Yeah…why not?” Twilight said.
“You…don’t bake.” Spike said. “Like…ever.”
“Nonsense; I made those muffins for your last birthday!”
“I seem to remember them being burned on the top and runny in the middle.” Spike said.
“That was a whole year ago!” Twilight said
“And what have you baked since?” Spike said.
“Oh, stop worrying so much!” Twilight said, dumping the contents of the cake box into a bowl. “It’s basic science; all I need to do is follow the directions and…uh…Spike?”
“Yeah Twilight?”
“Baking soda and baking powder are the same thing, right?” Twilight said.
“No…why?” Spike said.
“Oh…uh…then you’re saying I shouldn’t have mixed the rest of the baking soda with baking powder?”
“No, wait, why are you adding baking powder?” Spike said.
“Because…you need it to bake with…right?” Twilight said.
“Not with cake mix; its all in there already…ugh…just give me the spatula.” Spike said.
“No!” Twilight said. “I have to learn how to do this on my own! Do you know how embarrassing it is to become a princess and not even know how to bake?!”
“Twilight…”
“Besides, I’m already getting the hang of it! I just need to add some…oh…wait…oh…uh…Spike?”
“Yes, Twilight?” Spike sighed.
“Now…just to be clear…cake batter is supposed to eat through the bottom of the bowl, right?”