Of Vinyl and Belle’s
By
DJ Discharge
______________________________________________________________________________
I woke up a loud thud on the floor, the object that hit the floor being my face and it hurt Like hell. As I opened my eyes I glared at the wall while I lay beneath my computer desk. My first thought was ‘Why the hell am I on the floor beneath my desk, and why does my body feel like it tried to play chicken with a semi?’. I tried to get up from my position on the floor only to fall my back with a thud.
“What the Fri-” I grumbled before I stopped at the sound of my voice. ‘Okay...THAT is not my voice..’ I thought to myself as I heard a scream from my roommates bedroom. “That sounded like a little girl,...why is a kid in Damian’s room?” I mumbled to myself as i tried to stand in order to go and check on him. As I managed to get to what would normally be a crawling position I heard the screaming stop for a few seconds and then start again. I am getting pretty annoyed with all the screaming by now and so I yell “What the frick is going on in there?! If I find you molesting a kid or something I’m tossing you off the balcony!” I had finally gotten up and left my bedroom and I won’t lie I am pissed. I walked down the hall and went to Damian’s bedroom and push it open, staring at the small lump under the bed sheets.
Now I'm no genius, but I can tell something was seriously messed up and was getting a gut feeling that I wasn’t gonna like the answer to my next question. “Um Dude? where are you?” I asked thinking that there is no way that the lump under the bedsheets is him.
“NO! I’M UHH NOT HERE! this is my answering machine!” Yells the lump under the sheets in the same voice that was screaming earlier. I couldn’t help but say out loud what i was thinking.
“Seriously? That is terrible and we don’t even have an answering machine! And why are you answering for Damian? Who are you?” i said as I glared at the lump.
“Damian is not here ri-” I had enough of it I ripped the bedsheets off seeing a little white pony
“Uhhh...” was all that escaped my mouth as I stared at the pony wondering when I could schedule a visit to a psychiatrist.
“I-Its not what it looks like!”
“So your saying there isn’t a white pony in Damian’s bed?”
“I am Damian you jerk!” Damian huffed pulling the blanket over his head again
“Riiiiiight and I’m Vinyl Scratch” I say sarcastically as I yanked the sheets off a second time
“Go look in a mirror and you might be surprised”
I roll my eyes before heading to the bathroom and noticed something I should have before. I was a lot shorter then normal judging by the fact that the counter was level with my chin and as I moved to the mirror leaning against the wall (we never did get it installed) I was starting to feel nervous. As I moved into view of the mirror I stared at the reflection. In the mirror stood not my usual reflection but a white unicorn with an electric blue mane and tail, red eye’s and last but not least, a musical note on her flank.
I could only think of one thing to say. “Well shit on me...”
I was startled out of my shocked state when the phone decided to make it’s presence known in its usual annoying fashion. I walked out of the bathroom towards the phone wondering if I should bother answering it until I read the number that was calling. It was Damian’s mother. Saying Damian’s mother is hard to deal with would be an understatement. Damian even had the phone label her number ‘Bitch from hell’.
“Why now?” I groaned knowing that if I didn’t answer it she would be at our door faster than a fat kid after a box of twinkie’s. I picked up the phone greeted the hag with a “Yello!”
I was answered with a “Who the hell is this?”.
“Hello to you you too...” I thought while saying “I’m a friend of Damian’s” it was then I heard Damian.....crying?
“And what is your name young lady?” This is why Damian always has plans when his mother wants to visit
I was quiet for a second as I tried to think up a name before deciding “Vinyl”. There is no way in hell she knows about the show anyways and since I look like her right now I figured I could be forgiven my lack of creativity at the time.
“Do I hear a kid crying?! just put my son on the phone!” I really don’t like her
I have to think fast “Umm he went to the convenience store down the street! Can I take a message?” please let her buy it!
“Yes you can Vinyl was it?” She asked sweetly. Sweetly as in honey laced with rat poison.
“that’s right” I answered hoping she was still buying it
“Go and shut that kid the hell up and get my sons lazy ass out of bed before I come down there and slap you and that kid!” I knew it my bitch radar was going off
“Well that hit the fan fast” I thought to myself before answering “fine I’ll do what I can but I don’t expect him to be talking considering everything that’s happened this morning” ...and with that she hung up but not before calling me a harlot
I put the phone back on the receiver before walking (or is it trotting now?) into Damian’s room. After waiting for him to stop crying for a few seconds he would not stop and so I tapped him on the shoulder in order to get him raise his head.
“Wh-what?!” She shout’s before I stuff one of his old socks in his mouth
“Your mother called and wants to talk to you...oh and she called me a harlot” I deadpan and Damian kept trying to pull the sock out
“Great is that all she wanted?” Damian asked “And what are we going to do about THIS?!”
“I think she may be planning to visit and how the hell should I know what to do?” I said hitting the remote and when the tv turned on my jaw dropped.