//------------------------------//
// Chapter 2: Financing the Fiance 
// Story: A Flimsy Relationship 
// by MasterofHearts1313 
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A Flimsy Relationship
Chapter 2: Financing the Fiancé

Of course, being one of the newest buildings in town, the Flim-Flam Brothers’ Cider Saloon was an immediate fad. Anypony who was somepony had to take at least one stop in, some to write reviews in order to be praised by others, some to claim they were the first to be there, and some to simply fit in with the popular crowd. The place was packed on its second day of business.
Flam was rushing from one end of the bar to the other, taking care of orders. The machines were working smoothly, that was certain, but one pony was still awfully exhausted after dealing with hundreds of orders in such a short timeframe. Curiously, nopony had taken the time to ask about Flim. It was an obvious case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’, even if Flam looked similar to Flim. He wasn’t just about ready to risk letting his brother downstairs yet, though.
“So, who had the apple pie?” the mustachioed unicorn asked as he turned from the machines and headed to the front again. “And who had the ch- A-ah!” He flinched, though he kept the dessert plates balanced.
Many in the small restaurant scuttled from one side to the other or back again to get out of the way of the door. They weren’t scared so much as trying to be respectful as the white-pelted ruler of Canterlot entered the store. Her guards waited outside as she walked in. Her strut was with obvious purpose. Her intense gaze razed the poor owner as soon as it laid on him.
Flam placed the plates down on the counter and began clacking his hooves together. An obvious sweat formed on his brow as he gave a broad, awkward grin. “Y-your highness, how a-a-are you?” He swallowed to try to gain composure. “Is there anything I can do for you? I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” His eyes shifted around the room, half terrified and half daring anyone to so much as mention the newspaper article.
“Well, I just realized,” Celestia placed a musing hoof on her chin, “that even though I did cut the ribbon to open your store, I didn’t take the time to try any of your wares. I guess I just wasn’t focused enough on being grateful to our newest residents.”
“Oh, no problem at all. No problem at all.” Flam bowed, banging his horn against the counter. He held his head as he stood back up and shook it quickly. He cleared his throat. “As you can see, our place is well-built. Don’t find this quality much anymore.”
“Well, maybe, but that’s not what I’m really concerned about right now.” Celestia sat politely at the bar, knowing that there were many eyes watching her every move. Except for formal events, she didn’t leave the castle often, so she could understand, so she didn’t make issue of it. It was their choice to stare after her, and she was actually counting on it. 	She smiled and folded her forelegs as she looked at Flam. “So, tell me, what all do you serve here, then?”
“Well, um, uh, we obviously have cider. Apple and pear. White grape juice and red grape juice. Pies of all kinds and sizes. A few other dishes of good new-fashioned, old-fashioned cooking.” Flam nodded. “Just some sweet comfort food.”
“So I see.” Celestia looked up as though she were thinking. She furrowed her brow, thinking quietly. After a moment, she tapped her forehooves together and grinned. “I’ll take as much as this will get me.” She loosened the gold shoe off of her left hoof and placed it heavily on the counter. She nodded. “I’m afraid that I didn’t really think about bringing a coin purse with me. I don’t go shopping often, after all.”
Great. As if that smile wasn’t unnerving enough. Flam was sweating even more heavily. He pulled on his collar and nodded. “I’m sure I could fix you up with something nice.” He motioned to take the shoe.
“But is it enough?” Celestia mused with a smile. She unfastened the shoe from her left hoof and placed it on the counter as well. “I mean, I haven’t taken the time to even look at the menu, after all.” She quirked a daring eyebrow towards the unicorn behind the counter, smirking.
Flam moved to take the shoes. “Trust me, madam, this will be enough to buy you a banquet of pies and cider.” He chuckled nervously. His eyes were bloodshot from fear.
“Are you certain? I wouldn’t want to underpay you,” Celestia teased. She knew this wasn’t the one she was looking for. He was much too nervous around her, and the mustache made it obvious which brother was which. With magic, the shoes from her two back hooves were removed and placed on the counter to make the total of four.
It was as though the building itself gasped with the shock seen from the other ponies present to this most rare of occasions.
“Princess, you’d be able to buy our business with all t-th-th-th-thi-Flim!” Flam turned and bolted from the counter, leaving the shoes flying. He dashed passed the machines and to the very back of the bottom floor. He picked up a tin can on a string and began wailing into it, “FLIM! FLIM! SHE’S HERE! SHE’S HERE AND SHE KNOWS!”
While Flam was listening into the can, he shook it, looking around the back of the storeroom frantically, the door to the upper living quarters opened, revealing the sealed away member of the brotherly team. “Well of course she knows, Flam. It’s not like we moved overnight.”
Another gasp was taken as the unicorn elegantly slid down the railing to the base floor. He stood rather proudly as he watched many of the ponies draw newspapers and begin murmuring amongst themselves. It was an obvious case of instant celebrity.
The unicorn, after having his fill of momentary glory, trotted over to the counter and smirked. “My dear lady, you need not give us your shoes in payment. For fear for thy delicate hooves, I have. What if they should trip on stone or more brutish obstacle on the way to the castle?” He bounced his eyebrows a couple times.
Celestia was surprised at first. She thought he was just regarding her as the princess, but that expression clearly said otherwise. Is he… is he actually flirting with me? She stared at him with silent surprise. He’s so bold about it, too.
Flim plucked the shoes off of the counter with his magic and offered them back to the princess. “Pray tell, milady, if you really feel the need to give patronage to our humble establishment, you may start a tab with us, but let’s not risk those precious hooves.” He cocked one eyebrow knowingly as he gestured to replace the slippers. “I know how delicate they are, after all,” he mentioned, referencing the article.
The whispers and quips amongst the others in the store became wild at this comment, many of the ponies hiding their gossiping faces behind their papers.
Not getting an answer on the lowest piece of technology in the store, Flam’s mustache became quite deflated as he realized what was happening. His ears twitched towards Flim’s voice out front. He was at a dead canter as he rushed to the front of the store, needing to force himself not to collide with the counter. He looked between the two.
“Why the exasperation, brother of mine?” Flim asked with a smile towards Flam. “Certainly you know Princess Celestia.” He made gesture for introductions. “Celestia, I present Flam, my older brother. Flam, meet Princess Celestia.”
“It’s so nice to meet you, Flam,” Celestia agreed in acknowledgement.
Flam’s jaw dropped. His brother was being so casual. Was this really the Flim who could only talk to an audience?
Finding the silence laughable, Flim waved off his brother. “Now come on, Flam, Celestia stopped by for nourishment. Get her what she wants. My treat. I was the one who made this place, after all.
Flam blinked silently.
Celestia blushed. “Oh, please, I do at least insist on the tab.”
“Nonsense. Nonsense!” Flim held himself proudly. “You, my dear, do not come to my establishment to be treated like royalty just because you are royal,” he insisted. “I plan on treating you right, is all.” He winked at her. “After all, once everypony sees how you like it here, they’ll know who the best around is, am I right?” He turned and waved his arms in the air for the other customers.
Raising their mugs and pies as a toast, everypony else in the establishment cheered upon his call.
Flim nodded and turned back to the counter. “Get two of the classics for me and Celestia to share then.” He turned to Celestia. “That is all right, isn’t it, sweetheart?” he asked smoothly.
Celestia stared at the stallion addressing her with such informality a moment, only one eye visible from behind her flowing pastel mane. It sent a shiver down her spine as he called her ‘sweetheart’. However, noticing the glint in his eye, she soon smirked and nodded. “Why, of course, Flim. It is supposed to be the best in Equestria. At least, that’s what your sign outside says,” she commented, not realizing these two stallions were the ones that nearly ran Applejack out of business.
“Indeed it is. Indeed it is,” Flim affirmed.
Flam half-mindedly nodded and turned from the pair, before heading to the cider machine. He shakily reached for a couple mugs and placed them in position for the machine to pour cider into. Pulling a lever, the mugs were both soon filled with frothy cider. He took the mugs and set them in front of Princess Celestia and Flim. He swallowed, before offering a hospitable smile. “Enjoy, won’t you.” He backed away from the two, before turning to others to take their orders. I don’t know whether I should allow this train to wreck or not, he told himself in his head, keeping a watchful eye on the princess and his brother.
Flim nodded and tipped his hat. “Thank you very much, brother.” He waved, before turning to Celestia. “Well, bottoms up.” He swung his head back as he drank from the mug with a wide smile on his face.
Celestia turned to her mug and took a polite sip. Her cheeks became rosy from the sweetness. “It is awfully good,” she confessed as she lowered her mug.
“Family recipe,” Flim conceded. “Course, I never did have my mother’s delicate hooves or mouth to actually churn the stuff. Only her sense of smell to pick the best apples and spices to be put in, so I invented a machine which could match her recipe instead and produce it in mass.”
“Well, that’s awfully endearing.” Celestia stared into her mug thoughtfully. “Does your mother care about the machine.”
“I admit that homemade cider is the best,” Flim nodded quietly. “But like I said, I can’t make it, and my parents died while Flam and I were colts. We grew up on a cherry orchard with our aunt, though I did get the recipe eventually. “
“Oh…” Celestia puzzled with herself a moment, thinking about where her own mother must be.
“Ah, but enough about me, gorgeous, what about you?” Flim furrowed his brow this time, looking quite serious. He lowered his voice, “Seriously, what are you doing here? It’s great to have the princess here and everything, but last time I checked you don’t exactly make house calls just because you feel like it.”
Celestia’s eyes fluttered in surprise at the sudden change in the unicorn stallion’s tone. However, she recovered as soon as she was baffled. She nodded wisely. “I see you know when to play around and when not to,” she observed.
“Look, if this is about the shoes thing,” Flim noted, using his magic to finally replace the gold slippers back on Princess Celestia’s hooves, “I get it, you caught me. End of story. Don’t worry. It’ll never happen again. If you were that hurt by it, throw me in the dungeon for a month or so, slap my wrist, and send me on my way. It’s really a no harm no foul situation here.”
Celestia nodded as she continued drinking. She paused as she wasn’t sure whether the tickle in her throat was from stifling a laugh at the confession or from the bubbles of the cider. She took a moment for the tickle to settle, before replying, “This isn’t about the shoes, but thank you for coming clean on that.” She finished her mug of cider and turned from the bar. She stood up and walked nimbly. As she reached the door, she turned and smiled. “Come, Flim, we have much to discuss at the castle.”
Flim blinked for a moment after the white mare, before jumping off of his seat. “Oh right! The castle! Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?” He followed after the princess with a merry little trot. He paused as he noticed the guards outside, but continued on his way. Whispers of “They do make a cute couple,” and “It’s about time Celestia thought about settling down,” did not escape his ear.

~

The walk to the castle had been painfully silent as Flim did not want to offset the guards and Celestia seemed more focused on getting the unicorn stallion to the castle than talking to him at the time. Once at the castle, Celestia and Flim were allowed through the doors while the guards such them inside of the castle.
After a moment of their walking solitude, Flim finally quipped, “So, did you want to talk or something? You said that I was cleared of the shoe charge.”
“Yes, but that does not mean I am done with you.” Celestia raised an eyebrow in curiosity at the stallion. “How is it that you were able to talk to me so smoothly back there? It was as though you had never seen a crown before.”
“Listen, princess, if I hadn’t come down and smooth-talked you, I was sure that my brother was going to crack and blame himself for the shoe theft, when there wasn’t a real shoe theft.” Flim shrugged. “Besides, I’ve lived almost my entire life off of my magic and my silver tongue. I’m adept at dealing with mares.”
“So I see.” Celestia tapped her chin thoughtfully as she looked ahead. She sat firmly on the floor as she considered what to say. “So, it was mostly about business for you, then?”
“Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say that,” Flim said as he sat down by Celestia. “But I was looking after my brother. He’s quick to make friends, but he worries there’s trouble, he does things a little hastily, you know?”
“And he seemed so cool-headed the other day.” Celestia chuckled warmly. She took a deep breath and gave a light sigh. She pondered the shorter unicorn for a moment. “What if I told you that I had a business proposition for you?”
“Well, I suppose I’d be curious.” Flim looked back up at Celestia. “It’s not exactly every day you make business with royalty.” He took his hat off of his head and laid it on the ground. “What exactly did you have in mind? A catering job? Need a daily cider delivery?”
“Not precisely.” Celestia stared away from the unicorn again. “To be honest, I have most of what anypony would want right here. I have servants who will get me what I ask for. I have guards. I have the adoration of the citizens of Equestria. However, I can’t say that I have much of what I want.”
“Really?” Flim popped his lips, looking around just the front hall of the castle. “Sounds like you’ve got it made, though. I mean, you practically control all of Equestria by yourself.”
“It’s true that I was in control of everything, but you have to realize now that much of the danger in Equestria has settled, so long as Tartarus is not disturbed.” Celestia took a deep breath and released it in a slow sigh. “I have to admit, too, that even though I have my sister back, she spends much of the day sleeping, and even when I stay up for her, she is often visiting other ponies’ dreams.”
“Oh, sister troubles.” Flim tilted from side to side as he thought. “Well, you know, I am the younger brother. I’m not sure I’m quite the one to help you out. My brother says I’m the troublesome one, after all.”
Celestia chuckled genuinely. “That’s not exactly what I meant.” She stood up and spread her wings. “You know that I don’t really run the academy for gifted unicorns, right? Twilight Sparkle was my closest and most faithful student, and even her lessons are over now.” She smiled. “It feels like only yesterday that she was asking me to help her reach the top shelf because she couldn’t use her magic yet to get those books.”
Flim tapped his hoof against the floor, thinking. “All right, princss, you’re going to have to spell things out for me here, because I’m afraid I’m having trouble keeping up with the tangents,” he confessed.
“Right. I suppose I should stop reminiscing and get to the point.” Celestia stood up boldly, turning to Flim. “Flim, I know that this may seem rather sudden, but I find myself in need of companionship.”
“Companionship?” Flim stared up at the mare’s impressive height and paused. His eyes grew wide. “COMPANIONSHIP!?” He began to feel light-headed as he teetered in place. He shook his head before covering his face with his hooves. “You have got to be kidding me. You do remember that I was trying to steal your shoes yesterday, right?”
“Yes, and it was rather fun,” Celestia politely teased. “The fact of the matter, however, is that I find you interesting. You don’t seem to exactly respect that I’m a princess aside from the fact that you understand that I do have power. You’re energetic and apparently romantic, when you feel like it. These are traits which I see as good in a companionship.” She nodded.
“Wait.” Flim raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re not confessing love to me here or anything like that? You just want someone to be by your side?”
“I think you’re getting it now.” Celestia dipped her head. “You see, I find it difficult at times to be left alone. I know many think that I like being left alone to my work, but even work is only a mild distraction at most from the emptiness of conversation. Thus why I enjoyed Twilight Sparkle’s letters about friendships. I still get letters now, but at times it just reminds me that I really am by myself up here.”
“But you have your sister and the guards.” Flim raised an eyebrow. “What exactly do you need me for?” He picked  his hat back up to place it on his head.
“Like I said, I don’t get as much time as I would like with my sister, and the guards do have their own lives.” Celestia coyly took the straw hat away from the unicorn stallion and examined it. “To be blunt,” she blinked her eyes, and the straw hat became a golden circlet. “I would like you to be my king.”
“KING?!” Flim jumped in shock so suddenly, he tripped over himself and flipped over his back. He shook his head and quickly stood up. He held his forehooves up defensively. “Now, princess, please, you’re a beautiful mare, but this is all so sudden. I can’t be king. I don’t know enough about Equestrian law. I have no business being royalty! I’m a business-pony. I don’t even have the first idea about what to do as king.”
Celestia chuckled softly and she polished the circlet before her. “That, actually, makes you more qualified.” She moved the small crown over to Flim’s head. “‘King’ is just a title. I’d have to talk to Luna to see if she remembers better than I, but mares have always been the leaders of Equestria, princesses and queens. Stallions, if you’ll pardon me, always seemed a little more corruptible.” She made an effort not to mention previous examples. “So the fact that you refused to be king makes you all the more worthy.”
“What? Oh, come on, that’s just nonsense.” Flim waved his right hoof before his face, shooing the idea off. “Really, why would you want me to be king? We don’t even have a history together.”
“You know that, and I know that, but that doesn’t mean that my subjects know that,” Celestia commented.
“Huh?” Flim stopped to think. “Oh, oh yeah! That’s right! The newspaper.” He paused as he realized he was proving the princess’s point. He shook his head. “Now, hold on, Celestia. If it’s just a title, then what exactly are you wanting me to do?”
“Like I said,” Celestia rolled her revealed eye, obviously becoming weary of repeating herself already, “what I want is companionship. In exchange,” she mused with a smile, “you get to live here in the castle with me. You’ll be considered the talk of the town, I believe they say. You get to be the rightful right-hoof stallion over all of Equestria.”
Flim considered his predicament a moment. “So let me get this straight.” He stood up and walked leisurely towards Princess Celestia, “I get to live in the castle, free room, free board, free food, free time to work on my inventions rather than working the whole day long, and all I have to do make sure you have someone to talk to during the middle of the day? Make sure you can share every meal with someone? Make sure you don’t attend parties alone and that you aren’t the wallflower during the slow dances at the gala?” he asked, looking amused.
“Well, in not so many words… yes,” Celestia replied. She snapped the circlet in the air, and it returned to being a straw hat. “That is, if you are willing to take such wages.”
Stroking his chin, Flim now had a knowing grin plastered across his face. “Well, now, how could I say no to such a lovely damsel as yourself?” he asked, bowing like a gentlecolt. He stood back up and led her along. “Now, come on. I best get a tour of this place, before we plan too far ahead.”
Celestia chuckled to herself, before marching with an obvious strut. She spread her wings broadly, before cupping one around Flim.
The male unicorn cried out in shock, but soon realized that he was fine. It was an unfamiliar sensation, having the wing against him, but he soon realized that the downy feeling of the wing was rather comforting. He walked a little closer to her.
It wasn’t long until the two entered the dining hall. It was the lunching hour, after all. It wasn’t a surprise to see two of the castle’s other residents. Princess Twilight Sparkle and Prince Blueblood were enjoying lunch together. Though it may have seemed strange, Celestia was rather glad that her nephew took a liking to her student, even if it was solely for the shallow reason that she was a princess. He didn’t get out of the castle very often, so he had made a rather presumptuous ego to cover for his cowardice for much of the outside world. At least having Twilight Sparkle made him feel comfortable talking to somepony other than himself. He had even started educating himself further just to understand some of the conversations he was having with the newest princess.
Of course, both heads turned to Princess Celestia as she walked into the room.
Twilight Sparkle turned to the incoming white mare, “Oh, Princess Celestia, good mor-”
Prince Blueblood raised his hoof as well. “Hello, aun-“
Both froze with their eyes trained on the unicorn that Celestia revealed from beneath her wing. They seemed shocked at the idea of Celestia being with anyone.
“Um, auntie,” Prince Blueblood choked out. “Who… who is this?”
“I’ll tell you who that is!” Princess Twilight slammed her hooves on the table, standing up. “That’s Flim of the Flim-Flam brothers! What’s he doing here?”
“Ah, but that’s something I should be the one to answer for!” Flim stood up proudly. “Miss Sparkle, I believe, or Princess Sparkle, I guess now.”
“Flim, please, you’ve introduced me to your brother, Flim,” Celestia stated softly. “Allow me to make introductions here.” She stood forward, using her wing to block the sales-pony from view. “I take it you have issue with my new fiancé, Twilight?” She looked curiously at the shorter alicorn princess.
“He and his brother nearly ran Applejack and her family off of her farm!” Twilight shouted.
“Now, I resent that remark,” Flim interjected.
Celestia used her wing as a complete curtain to separate the yellow unicorn and the purple alicorn. “Yes, I believe I remember that letter. Apparently the time Applejack learned nothing, I believe?”
Twilight gave Princess Celestia a blank look. She blushed and turned her head away slightly. “I guess I didn’t really get to proofread that one. I’m usually so good about checking those letters for grammar problems, before giving them to Spike. I must have missed that one.”
“Oh ho ho. Don’t worry about it.” Celestia shook her head in a way which redeemed Twilight Sparkle in her eyes. “Applejack mentioned a wholesome ordeal about how she could rely on her friends when she’s in trouble. Still, Flim has been running an honest business with his brother in Canterlot recently, so I should hope you two can make-up.”
“Yes, yes, that’s all well and good, but let’s look at the real problem here,” Prince Blueblood proclaimed as he walked from the table and up to the ruler of Equestria. “Exactly when did you decide to get married?! A fiancé? Did I not hear right? Certainly you would have informed me on the matter!”
It took Twilight Sparkle a moment to register this new information. Once ingested, however, her eyes went wild. “You’re MARRYING him?!” She became quite rigid with her exclamation.
“Well, yes,” Celestia confessed.
“To a COMMONER!” Prince Blueblood’s face was awash with horror.
“That’s not exactly the point, Blueblood,” Twilight told her newest friend while holding her head. She shook it heavily as though attempting to relieve a headache. “You know, it’s not like there’s really that much royalty outside of your family.”
“Actually, I suppose that is true,” Prince Blueblood confessed.
“What does matter is that you should have told somepony,” Twilight Sparkle told Princess Celestia. “Really, I could have warned you about how Flim is just a creep who is only going to marry you for your money.”
Flim ducked beneath Celestia’s wing and stood up firmly. “Now that is absolutely not true!” He paused and looked to see if Princess Celestia was going to stop him again.
Twilight Sparkle furrowed her brow and gave the yellow unicorn a stern look. “All right, then tell me why you’re suddenly so interested in Princess Celestia?”
“Are you kidding?” Flim, taking Celestia’s nod to boast, quickly turned and gestured to her. “You might not know this about me, but I love mares with long legs.” He smirked as he stood at full height on his rear legs, emphasizing Celestia’s height. He doubled over and gestured to her legs. “And tell me, until you get to Saddle Arabia, is there any mare you know who has such marvelous marble towers as our fair princess here!”
He grabbed onto Celestia’s mane and held it out like a blanket. “And look at this marvelous mane! This is such a beautiful array of pastels and it’s so thick and luxurious.” He smirked. “It also makes the perfect curtain for a moment for two in a public area.” He took the billowing hair and draped it around himself and Celestia’s head. Holding the hair in place with one hoof, he playfully kissed his free hoof in order to make a believable kissing noise.
Celestia raised on of her hooves off of the ground and covered her mouth with a giggle. “Oh, Flim, please. Don’t tease them.”
“Very well, PC,” Flim released the mane and smirked at the gawking prince and princess as his curtain was swept away. He leaned against a nonexistent rail to emphasize his bold act. 
The already socially awkward Twilight Sparkle seemed the more put off by the socially awkward act. “Okay. I’ll just… I’ll just be in the library, then,” she commented as she stepped back. “Meet me in there later, Prince Blueblood?”
“Um, yeah. Yeah!” Prince Blueblood replied as he was rubbing the back of his head, seeming more confused than anything. He gave an exhausted sigh after the newest princess had left the room. He ran a hoof down his face. “At least, at LEAST, tell me you’ll be doing this wedding right.”
“Sure thing, future nephew of mine.” Flim winked. He turned to Celestia. “So, what do you say, Dollface? For hors d’oeurves what do you think of those little quiche with the truffles and lightly fried tomatoes in them? I mean, variety is normally best in these big parties, but I’m just suggesting.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine.” Celestia nodded, blushing slightly.
“Oh-okay, then.” Prince Blueblood nodded as he left the room, staring awkwardly at the supposed couple.
After the two other residents of the castle had left, Celestia took a moment to stare down at Flim as he stood firmly on his own four hooves again. She had to stifle a laugh. “I have to admit, Flim, that was pretty slick of you.”
“Well, it keeps them on the trail we want for now,” Flim proposed. “Besides, like I said before, you are a beautiful mare.”
Celestia blushed lightly at the compliment but nodded. She stretched out her wings again, groaning as her expression became busily serious. She smiled at Flim nonetheless. “Care to join me for some paperwork?”
“Ooh, I’d love to,” Flim replied as he walked alongside the white mare deeper into the castle. “Don’t suppose you need any numbers crunched, then.”
Chuckling, Celestia realized how perfect a business partner she had chosen for this venture. “I’m sure there will be, Flim. I’m sure there will be.”