I woke up a little earlier the next day and after casting my mind around for something I might do that day, and finding nothing immediate, decided to pop over to the hospital and see if there was any news on Trixie. There probably wouldn’t be much progress so soon, but it didn’t hurt to check, in case something new had developed. With that in mind I grabbed a quick breakfast in the kitchen of some toast and an orange, having purchased additional and more satisfying foods yesterday: oranges, peanut butter, pasta noodles, lemons, and cucumbers, as well as some hot chocolate. Those should spice up my stock for a while.
As I headed out the door, I took a glance at the house next door. It was as silent and empty-looking as ever, nothing stirring, nothing moving. I wondered if the occupant even knew I had left a letter for them.
***
I had just stepped into the hospital when a voice called out,
“Human-dude! What’s up?”
To my complete bewilderment, my eyes encountered Vinyl Scratch, being moved around in a wheelchair by another nurse, yellow-coated with a curly blue mane and a harassed expression on her face. Her left hind leg was in a cast, and there was a considerable amount of bandaging around her head, save for a spot for her horn to poke out. She wasn’t wearing her sunglasses, and despite the situation she was in, her reddish-pink eyes were twinkling.
“Vinyl? What are you doing here?”
“Concert accident,” she said. “A stage dive gone wrong. Busted up my leg and my head. Ponies can be so inconsiderate at the wrong times, know what I mean? Letting a lady like me plummet to the cold, hard ground.”
She gave her vibrant, frizzy mane a prim toss, in a way that reminded me uncannily of Rarity. I nearly snorted with laughter. There wasn’t anything really ladylike about Vinyl at all. On the contrary, she was as boyish as Rainbow Dash. Then again, she was probably just goofing around about it, and there was no denying that, rough-and-tumble as she looked, she did have a certain charm about her. Still, it was a marvel how coolly she was taking being incapacitated like this.
“Oh,” I said, sympathetically. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s cool,” she said, casually. “Happens all the time, though not usually ending with me in a wheelchair. Although I gotta say,” she added, looking down at her mobile seat, “this is a pretty sweet ride. How do you think I’d look rolling into a concert on this, a chariot of awesomeness, explosions going off everywhere? *Kaboom!* *Blam!* *Kapow!*”
“Pretty silly, if you ask me,” said the nurse, dryly.
Vinyl shot her a look, then turned back to me.
“So what are you in for?”
“I’m checking on a friend,” I said. “She has Goronide Bolezn.”
Vinyl sucked in her breath through her teeth in a discomforted way.
“Rough stuff, dude. I had that when I was in my teens.”
“You did? What was it like?”
“Not cool, literally. Burning up, sweaty, half-awake all the time, horn going off when you don’t want it to. I remember magicking my wallpaper so that it started pulsing a bunch of psychadelic colors. And I thought I already had to throw up at the time.”
“Yikes. Are the spells given off in the instability always the same?”
“Nope. It depends on what’s going through your head, and if you’re loopy from fever...”
She didn’t finish; she didn’t have to. The thought alone was unpleasant enough.
“Well, hope you get better, Vinyl,” I said.
“Thanks, bro. Hope your friend pulls through, too. Anypony I know?”
“Er, probably not,” I said. “Out-of-towner.”
“Ah. Ok, then. Nurse!”
She turned her attention to the nurse behind her chair.
“Wheel me to the cafeteria! I feel the need for nourishment! Away!” she shouted, with the grandeur of a queen. Sighing wearily, the nurse pushed her chair down a hallway.
I couldn’t help laughing slightly. Vinyl had a great sense of humor. I’d have to catch one of her performances sometime.
“Ah! It’s you, is it?”
I turned around. It was Dr. Stable, holding a clipboard.
“I do apologize,” he said. “In the rush yesterday, I never got your name.”
“Dave, sir,” I said.
“Ah, good. Well, then, Dave, I suppose you’re here to check on Miss Lulamoon.”
“I am. What’s the status on her illness?”
Dr. Stable looked grimly at me.
“She’s entering the worst of it,” he said. “She’s gone from sparks to full, uncontrolled blasts. She’s muttering in her stupor, but none of us can hear what it is before she fires. Could be anything. She’s resting now, but was very agitated earlier. We had quite a hassle putting a Moderator on her horn.”
“What’s that?” I asked, curious.
“A Moderator is a device, sort of like a ring, used to stem the magical flow from a unicorn’s horn, perfect for this stage of Goronide Bolezn. It’s getting close enough to the patient to put it on that’s the hard part. Had my tail turned into a stalk of celery before we could get it on her. “
“Ooh,” I groaned.
“Indeed. So, as you can imagine, she is in no condition to receive visitors, but don’t worry. As soon as she is, you will be notified.”
“All right. Thank you, Doctor.”
“Have a good day.”
And he headed down the hospital hallway, while I headed for the front doors.
***
I was heading back towards home when I saw Derpy at my front door, straining to carry something in her hooves. It looked like a heavily-stuffed manilla envelope.
“Dave! Oh, thank Celestia you’re here! I dunno how much longer I can hold this!”
“Hi, Derpy. What is it?”
“For you,” she grunted, heaving it into my arms. “I was making my rounds when that grumpy unicorn you told me about gave it to me.”
(Grumpy unicorn? Aw, nuts.)
“He was at the train station, and asked me to give it to you. He said he didn’t have time to see you personally. Said he knew you’d understand, but he sounded like he was being sarcastic.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Ironmane,” I said. “Well, thanks, Derpy. You want to come in? I bought some hot chocolate yesterday.”
“Oh, no thanks,” said Derpy. “I’ve still got a lot to do, but thanks. I’ll see you later!”
With a sweep of her wings, she took off, and I went into the house, setting the envelope down on the table.
After I started a kettle of water to boil for hot chocolate, I sat down, opened the envelope, and extracted the mound of papers from within. My heart sank at the sight of the official-looking documentation sitting before me. There was a huge, bound stack of papers, like a manuscript, what looked like a worksheet, and a formal letter. I picked this last up to look at it.
“Dear Human,
As you are just starting your career in the Round Table, it is proper protocol to get you integrated into the type of work you will be engaged in. Enclosed is a manuscript containing detailed summaries on the creatures native to Equestria, as well as those who are the most frequently in contact with the kingdom as foreigners or ambassadors. After carefully reading the manuscript, record your observations on the sheet provided, to test your understanding of dealing with natives and non-natives. Keep the manuscript for yourself for future reference, mail the worksheet to my office as soon as you finish. You will have one week to complete it. Expect to receive similar papers periodically. We must ensure you do not embarrass the council with a lack of concentration. Be concise, but show me you did your reading.
Signed,
Minister Ironmane.”
I read over the letter a second time to get its full meaning in, and it only increased my growing resentment.
“Just dandy,” I grumbled. “It’s like I’m back in school again. Stupid horn-headed old vampire...Bet he was all too happy to load this onto me.”
The kettle began to sing, so I went and poured myself a mug of hot water, adding in my newly-bought cocoa and milk and stirring with a spoon.
I suppose I should say that the cookware/utensils that I had been given along with the house had a faded, used look to them, but at least they were clean. There were half a dozen mugs, an equal number of glasses, plates, bowls, a couple stainless steel pots, a pair of opposite-sized frying pans, and a handful of forks, knives, and spoons. There was also a toaster, the stove, and an oven. I wondered if a unicorn had lived here before, in order to have handled the utensils. Otherwise, it must have stunk to have to use your mouth to carry everything around.
After grabbing my ink bottle and quill, I sat down at the table with my mug of cocoa, setting it aside to cool as I turned to the manuscript. I decided to alternate between reading and writing down as I got to relevant passages. It had worked in the past for me.
This was no breezy read, however. The manuscript was a long list of creatures known to have had a presence, however permanent or temporary, within the boundaries of Equestria, listed alphabetically, with certain attributes spelled out, such as country or region of origin, conformity with the laws of Equestria, notable acts of rebellion or civil disobedience, etc. Squaring myself for a very dull morning (and possibly afternoon), I began.
“Buffalo: Tribal bovines of Southern Equestria. Reported to have been connected to the original settlers of the land that became Equestria. Make their homes today in plains and flatlands. Traditionally engage in stampedes. Warrior-like, but fair in judgement and reason. Engaged in the brief Appleloosan Skirmish between the buffalo and the Appleloosan ponies, caused by a territorial dispute and musical provocation. Notable member: Chief Thunderhooves.”
...
“Diamond Dog: Trollish canine. Prefer to live underground. Gem-hunters and hoarders. Greedy, savage, and territorial. Driven away by Royal Guards during the Diamond Dog Revolt, when hundreds of these creatures stormed Canterlot to try and make off with the royal jewels.”
...
“Hippocampi: Half-horse, half-fish, though not considered a hybrid. Speculated to live in many aquatic domains, and to be related to the elusive Sea Ponies. Reasonable and fair, but difficult to converse with due to only being able to speak intelligibly underwater. Participated in the Battle of the Seas, which culminated in the driving away of the unruly sea serpent population. Notable member: Chieftan Kappa.”
...
“Minotaur: Bipedal bull. Guardians of mazes. Dwell in mountainous regions. Powerful, fierce, and fond of combat, but honorable and just. Distinguished themselves in the Great Timberwolf Invasion, where they rounded the rampant lupines up in a labyrinth in time for Royal Guards to arrive and subdue them. Notable member: Boarius of San Palamino.”
...
My eyes were aching with tiredness, and my back was killing me from sitting hunched over the manuscript. My hand was also seized up with major writer’s cramp. My watch was reading 1:30 PM., though it had felt like an even longer span of time since I had started. I was only halfway done, but I already felt majorly drained. I flopped my head onto the manuscript’s pages.
“I really, really, really hate you, Ironmane,” I groaned. “And there's going to be more of these? Oy...I need air. I’ll just give myself a bit of a break, take a walk.”
With an effort that sent another wave of pain over the already aching parts of my body, I got up from the table. As I did so, my eyes moved to the Daring Do book I had left sitting out. It occurred to me that I still hadn’t returned it, even though I’d finished it. Twilight and Spike were still away, however, but I had a feeling Owlowiscious was still at the library, and, well, let’s face it, that owl was a lot smarter than he looked. With that in mind, I tucked the book under my arm and headed out of the house, heading for Ponyville.
***
As I walked, despite my complaints against the workload Ironmane had just given me, I had to admit, it was interesting to know about the kind of creatures that had been encountered in Equestria, native or foreign. A lot of them were creatures I already knew about, ones from mythology. To think that they actually existed in this world, and that said existence was treated with normality, was both an amazing and a disquieting thought. I hadn’t forgotten about some of the more dangerous ones that had been listed, not as ambassadors, but as threats, such as those Diamond Dogs, and I hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with them during my stay.
Suddenly, I stopped. A familiar voice was drifting down the street, and, by the sound of it, it was rather annoyed. Seconds later, I knew where I had heard that voice, and ducked behind a house before I could be spotted. Sure enough, Dolly Tribune came walking down the street, accompanied by Papa Razzo.
“He just doesn’t understand, Razzo! They’ll positively eat it up! Of course, interesting as it was already, I thought it might help to spice up his little spiel, don’t you think?”
Razzo nodded, chuckling wheezily again.
“Think about it: a lone member of his kind, practically an alien, tragically separated from his home and family and surrounded by beings outside his belief. Desperate for companionship, he clings to one pony above them all: Pinkie Pie. Well, Razzy, there have been some ponies around Ponyville who think they know it better than even our two little friends might. Exclusive interviews! Ooh, just think of what we can spark in the readers’ imaginations! The Express will sell like never before! And our little human friend’s gonna be big, big, big!”
She gave a scoff of indignation.
“Ugh! If only Headliner hadn’t made me hold off! We’d have had it out already, but oh no, he wanted to have the front page article be about that ‘supposed dragon sighting’ in Ghastly Gorge! The nerve! Who wants to hear about another nearsighted pony’s ramble when they could be getting something as hot as what I’ve got?!”
Razzo looked skyward in a sympathetic way.
They passed out of sight, not having noticed me at all as they went. So she was planning to embellish my interview with her with a bunch of alterations, was she? I had half a mind to march after her and demand that she put a stop to it before it even started.
However, I didn’t want to raise a scene about it. If I just ran up to her and yelled at her, she’d probably make my story even worse, saying I was some kind of thug or rabble-rouser, and that was the last thing I wanted...Still, with any hope, nopony would take the article seriously. At least, nopony who knew me best, like Pinkie and the girls.
***
I reached the library without further incident, and sure enough, there was Owlowiscious, sitting on his perch.
“Hello,” I greeted. “How are you today?”
“Hoo.”
"That's good."
I went to the table, put the book down, and scribbled a note for Twilight.
“Finished and returning it. Fantastic read.
-Dave.”
“Is anyone looking after you?” I asked Owlowiscious.
“Hoo.”
He pointed with one wing to a set of food bowls. The tiny one must have been for Spike’s phoenix, Peewee. A little note was placed against one of the metal canisters, probably containing bird chow.
“Dear Twilight,
Stopped over to feed Owlowiscious and Peewee, as you asked. Owlowiscious has been very well-behaved, but Peewee seems rather rambunctious. I could hardly get him to sit still and make him eat. Either he misses Spike, or there’s something else not right. Perhaps there’s something on raising phoenixes in one of the library’s books.
Hope you’re having a wonderful trip!
-Cheerilee.”
“Ah. Well, that’s good,” I said. “I can see Cheerilee often stopping by a library. You’re in good hooves.”
“Hoo.”
“Still, Peewee’s getting restless? Do you know what that’s about?”
Owlowiscious gave a little shrug, though he looked slightly concerned.
“Well, if anypony can sort it out, it’ll definitely be Twilight, when she gets back,” I said, reaching up to stroke the top of Owlowiscious’s head. He closed his eyes in contentment. “I’ll see you later, Owlowiscious.”
“Hoo.”
And I headed out the library, closing the door gently behind me. Did Spike know Peewee was acting weirdly? He’d never mentioned anything about it before.
***
I hardly knew where I was directing my footsteps, and, quite suddenly, found myself standing before a familiar building: Bon Bon’s Bonbons. The last time I’d been here was when I followed the sound of Octavia’s cello and invited Lyra to the Q&A. It felt so long ago, so what harm was there in popping in again?
I pushed open the door, the bell tinkling lightly.
“Welcome to Bon Bon’s Bonbons, home of the Triple-Choco Truffle. How may I- Oh, hello, Dave!”
Bon Bon was standing behind the counter, wearing a white apron. Lyra was sitting on a nearby stool, plucking delicately at her lyre. She looked up as I entered.
“Hey again!” she said, cheerfully.
“Hello, ladies. Just thought I’d stop inside for a bit.”
“Aha!” Lyra shouted, catching me by surprise. “See, Bonnie?” she went on, smugly. “I told you I was a lady.”
“Lyra,” said Bon Bon, dryly, “if you’re a lady, then I’m a parasprite.”
“Stay away from my pie, then,” said Lyra, in an almost threatening tone.
“Excuse me?” asked Bon Bon, hooves on her hips, looking both irritated and amused. “I’m not the one always thinking about food!”
“It’s not my fault! I’m your taste tester! You gave me the job!”
“You volunteered for the job, you mean.”
“And did you say no?”
“Well, no, but-”
“There you go!” said Lyra, triumphantly. “It’s your fault if I have food on the brain. Case closed.”
Bon Bon sighed, wearily, before turning to me.
“Is there anything I can do for you today, Dave?”
“Well, first off, I wanted to thank you for that Choco-Box Deluxe you sent via Lyra.”
“Oh, it was nothing. Just our little gift from us to you.”
“And I thought I’d just come by and see how you two have been.”
“Oh, pretty well. Lyra’s been at her harp again.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, Bonnie? It’s a lyre,” said Lyra, in a testy voice.
“Really?” asked Bon Bon, raising an eyebrow. “Are you calling it dishonest?”
“Oh, har-dee-har,” said Lyra, sarcastically. She then looked at me and said, “Bonnie doesn’t have as much of an appreciation for the musical arts as some of us do.”
“I like music just fine,” said Bon Bon, shortly.
“Exactly,” said Lyra. “‘Just fine’. Octavia wouldn’t let you get away with ‘just fine’.”
“And since when have you ever followed a word of advice Octavia gave you?”
Lyra merely answered by sticking her tongue out at Bon Bon.
“Oh, you’re impossible!” snapped Bon Bon. She turned to me. “So sorry, Dave. Was there anything you wanted?”
“Well, no, not in particular-”
“I’ve got something to ask you,” Lyra said, suddenly. “Something I forgot to yesterday.”
“Er, yes?” I asked, surprised by her abrupt tone.
She patted a stool beside hers with her hoof, obviously wanting me to sit next to her, so I did. She gazed at me intently with her orange eyes.
“How come you never told me you were so musically gifted?”
I blinked.
“What do you mean?”
“Aw, don’t play modest,” said Lyra, nudging my ribs. “That little ditty you sang during cider season.”
I felt my stomach twinge.
“Oh, that,” I muttered. “Well, I was pretty giddy after drinking that stuff, so-”
“But all that energy, all that vocal power, after just one mug!” said Lyra, admiringly. “Whenever I have too much cider, Bonnie has to carry me home on her back.”
“And she is not an easy load to carry,” said Bon Bon.
Lyra ignored her, and, when she turned back to me, seemed to notice the uncomfortable look on my face.
“Hey,” she said, in a gentler voice, putting her hoof to my knee. “You’re not still beating yourself up over that Tribune article, are you? I was kinda mad when she used what I said in it. I didn’t think she was gonna use it for that.”
“Not as much as I was before,” I admitted. “I can’t find fault with you, Lyra. I was really more worried that you girls might have had different opinions about me. I’m already concerned about that now, because Dolly cornered me yesterday and asked for an interview.”
“Oh boy,” said Lyra, grimly.
“That mare!” hissed Bon Bon. “I’m not saying she’s got a bad heart, but she seems more concerned for the sale of the paper then she does for how she paints who she writes about. Remember when she wrote about you, Lyra?”
Lyra nodded, looking glum.
“What? What did she say about you?” I asked, feeling a surge of anger at whatever injustice might have been inflicted.
“Eh, it could have been worse. She called me a ‘loony human-obsessed lyrist’.”
“You are not loony!” I snapped. “I can’t believe her!”
“Thanks,” said Lyra, leaning against me gratefully. “I’ve learned to live with it, though, and so should you. If that article she makes about you is even worse than the first one, I’ll still be on your side.”
“And so will I,” said Bon Bon. “You’re a sweet, considerate boy, and nothing that bovine of a unicorn writes about you will make that any different.”
Lyra put her hooves around me. I smiled at the pair of them. I’d had a feeling they wouldn’t just turn against me like that.
“Thanks, girls. That means a lot to me. So, Bon Bon,” I went on, in a different tone, to move on to a new subject, “with this Nightmare Night coming up, are there any holiday sweets I ought to know about?”
Bon Bon looked very sly.
“Ohh, I’ve got something planned this year, but I can’t really give much away just now. Just know that it’s my most ambitious project yet, and I need all the help Lyra can give me for it.”
I glanced at Lyra. She was looking secretive as well.
“Well, if you want it a surprise, say no more,” I said. “I won’t pry.”
“Thank you,” said Bon Bon. “But now, tell us about how things are going with you. How’s the new house coming along?”
“Slowly, but it’s getting there.”
And I spent much of the afternoon sitting and chatting with Lyra and Bon Bon about this or that, about Pinkie and her friends going to visit the Pie family, about the surprise apology Mr. Pie had sent me, about the new workload I was being set by Ironmane, and about Trixie’s illness, though it was Bon Bon who brought it up.
“Lyra told me you told her Trixie has Goronide Bolezn. Is it true?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“But how did she even contract it? It’s not even that cold yet.”
“So it happens when the weather gets cold?”
“Uh-huh,” said Lyra. “It usually comes with a bad fever for a unicorn, so some mistake it for a flu, but it’s way worse.”
“Didn’t your Uncle Lute catch it once?” asked Bon Bon.
“Yeah. I had to stay away from him for a while even after the symptoms went away. They didn’t want me catching it too, at such a young age.”
“Is it worse for younger or older unicorns?” I asked.
“Younger,” said Lyra, “because younger unicorns don’t have as much control over their magic. Of course, it can be bad for older unicorns, since their magic is stronger and more developed.”
“And what do you think about it being Trixie who’s sick?” I asked Bon Bon.
“Honestly, when she came to Ponyville, I thought she was a bit of a joke. All those flashy fireworks and smoke clouds. It was nice to look at, but what did it really say about her? That she’s good with pyrotechnics.”
“And the Ursa Minor thing?” I asked.
“I knew she was blowing hot air about it,” said Bon Bon. “But I never expected to actually see one, let alone marching through Ponyville. Those two colts, Snips and Snails, were being very stupid when they lured that thing here.”
“What happened to them when Twilight got rid of it?” I asked. “Did they get punished for being so careless?”
“I can’t really say for certain if they got punished or not,” said Bon Bon, thoughtfully. “Twilight made them clean up the damage the Ursa made, and then...gave them mustaches.”
“...What?”
“Exactly what we were thinking at the time!” said Lyra. “Twilight’s brilliant and all, but she can be pretty weird sometimes.”
“Like somepony we know?” asked Bon Bon, wryly.
“Aw, shut up,” said Lyra.
The sun was beginning to sink by this time, so I decided to take my leave of the two best friends, trying to resist the tempting urge to sample something behind the counter. I still had a lot of chocolate in the Choco-Box Deluxe to last me for a while. The two bid me farewell cheerily, telling me I was welcome anytime I wanted to stop over, and I assured them that I wouldn’t waste such an opportunity.
***
Upon arriving home, I found another letter waiting in my mailbox. To my excitement, it was from the Pies. That was really speedy delivery work by those pegasi!
I went inside, sat down, opened it, and as I read, I recognized the writing and the general voice of the message to be from Twilight:
“Dear Dave,
Sorry to hear about your friend. It’s highly unusual for a unicorn to catch Goronide Bolezn at such an early time of the year, but we have to make exceptions, I suppose. Be sure the doctors put a Moderator on her horn before it’s too late. The magical outbursts of G.B. are highly dangerous, especially under a fevered mind. Don’t worry, though: it’s rarely fatal, even if it is a danger to the surrounding populace; she should be fine in a week or two.
Incidentally, I know I asked Cheerilee to, but would you also mind stopping by the library on occasion to check on Owlowiscious and Peewee? Thanks!
Hope everything else is going well back home. Mr. and Mrs. Pie took us to the village yesterday and showed us around the town. It’s quite pleasant, actually, and has quite a lot to do if rocks aren't your thing.
Pinkie’s really gotten comfortable around her family. Grammy Pie has been telling us a lot about when Pinkie was a filly, after she’d gotten her cutie mark, that is. The farm’s been really booming ever since Marble and Limestone got theirs. Mr. and Mrs. Pie must be really proud.
Stay safe, and talk to you later!
-Twilight”
That was good to hear. It was a relief to know that everything was still going well with the girls. Almost as soon as I finished reading, I went to get some fresh paper and ink, and wrote a response,
“Dear Twilight,
She’s in safe hooves at the hospital, and does have a Moderator on her, so no worries about that. This village sounds nice. I’ll have to find a way to see it for myself sometime.
I’ll pop in to check on the birds, though I did earlier today. Cheerilee left a note saying Peewee’s restless. Do you know what might be causing it? Maybe he misses Spike.
Hope to hear from you soon!
-Dave”
I sealed up the letter, wrote the address down, and took it to the mailbox, lifting the flag up for Derpy to see. Then, as I went back inside to heat up some water for cooking pasta for dinner, I had something else on my mind: my half-finished assignment from Ironmane. I sighed, knowing it was going to be a long night.