It was a dark, dark day in Ponyville. Not literally speaking. It was actually a bright, sunny day, and all the happy little ponies that lived there were skipping around outside, chatting and going about their daily routines.
But for one couple in Ponyville, who the residents knew as Princess Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville and the Great and Powerful Trixie Lulamoon, today was a dark, dark day. Today, they were going to get divorced.
“So,” Mayor Mare began as she looked at the unhappy couple, who had taken the liberty of spacing themselves as far apart as possible. Twilight sat to the mayor’s left, glaring at the wall and folding her forelegs, whilst Trixie sat to the mayor’s right, flicking her mane and trying to look like she didn’t care about what was going on. “I’m a little confused. Why exactly are you two filing for divorce?”
“Because Trixie nearly burned down our library!” Twilight shouted, pointing an accusing hoof at Trixie.
“Oh, please,” Trixie scoffed. “It was a mere spark on your curtain, which Trixie put out immediately! The real reason is because Twilight Sparkle is a nitwit who doesn’t give the Great and Powerful Trixie the love and respect that she deserves!”
“I missed one date, because the Princess asked me to Canterlot on important business!”
“She asked you if you could pose for a calendar! Hardly important business!”
“It was a request from the Princess! How could I say ‘no’?!”
“Same way you say it whenever you’re ‘too tired’,” Trixie muttered, though Twilight heard it perfectly well.
“We’ve been over this before! I’m swamped in research right now! When I’m done, you’ll have all the me you can handle. Or you would have done, if your stupid over-inflated ego hadn’t finally driven me over the edge!”
“Okay, okay!” Mayor Mare shouted, not wanting a fight to break out in her office. Or hear any more of their personal life than she would have cared for. “So basically, you’re having disputes and feel that you have grown apart, yes?”
Both mares simply nodded silently. “Well then, I’ll just need you to fill out some forms for me.” She handed the two some paperwork to fill in, and they got started immediately.
“Name, Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight muttered as she wrote her name down.
“Name, Twilight Sparkle,” Trixie mimicked in a silly voice. Mayor Mare groaned and facehooved, whilst Twilight shot a hard glare at her wife.
“Really, Trixie? So childish.”
“Really, Trixie? So childish.”
“Stop it.”
“Stahp it.”
“I mean it, Trixie.”
“I mean it, superior pony.”
Twilight threw down her paper and her quill onto the floor, and jumped out of her chair. Trixie did the same. “UGH! You are such a pain! Why did I even marry you in the first place?!”
“Because you had great taste, but that’s clearly not the case anymore!”
“Break it up, you two!” Mayor Mare shouted, slamming her forehooves onto her desk. “Or else I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
The two mares huffed, and sat back down in their seats, picking their papers up to resume filling out their forms.
“Reason for divorce, Trixie is a plot head.” Twilight tapped her quill to her chin, wondering if that was sufficient reasoning or not. “And terribly unorganised.”
Mayor Mare held her head in her forehooves. She could already taste tonight’s liquor. “Oh good lord…”
“Reason for divorce, Twilight is anal, obnoxious, self-centred, a prude-”
“Me, self-centred?!” Twilight shouted in disbelief.
Trixie shared Twilight’s look of shock. “Really? That’s what you have a problem with?”
“How am I self-centred?! Do you realise how much effort I went through to get Rainbow Dash to give you a chance?! To get Pinkie Pie to throw you a party?! To track you down to make sure you were okay?!”
Trixie felt a sting in her heart, and for a moment, her look softened. Her glare returned a moment later, though. “But now-a-days, it’s ‘Trixie, I’m too busy’, ‘Trixie, the Princess wants to see me’, ‘Trixie, you’ll be by yourself for a few days’!”
“I’m a Princess! That means I have a lot of important duties!”
“Trixie’s a Princess too!” There was an awkward silence. “Figuratively speaking! Anyway, you’re supposed to be there for Trixie when she comes home every day! You’re supposed to be in her crowds during her performances! But you’re always off with the Princess or with your friends!”
“What, I can’t see my friends anymore, because we’re married?”
“You can see them, but see me too, you dolt!”
“Well maybe if you weren’t so clingy all the darn time, I wouldn’t have to push you away so much! Seriously, there’s more to married life than making out and bucking each other, Trixie!”
“Trixie knows this! But in our case, there’s none of that! That’s why Trixie’s always trying to get you into bed, because you keep avoiding her!”
“I’ll just be in the other room,” Mayor Mare said, seeing that there was no way to quell this raging storm. Neither mare paid any heed to her, though.
“I’m sorry if you’ve been feeling neglected, Trixie, but you’ve also been distracting me from my work so much, I haven’t been able to keep up with my deadlines!”
“So Trixie is just a distraction, is that it?!”
Twilight bit her lip. She didn’t mean it like that. But her rage right now, and the way that Trixie was glaring and yelling at her, she inexplicably felt like she needed to say something stupid. “Yes, you are! Funny how, ever since I married you, I’ve had far more ulcers than ever in my entire life!”
Trixie took a step back, and her glare hardened. “How dare you?! Anypony would be lucky to have a mare as Great and Powerful as moi! Typical spoiled Canterlotian noble brat!”
“Oh I’m spoiled?! Perhaps the reason we’ve been having less sex lately, is because I’ve run out of gemstones to convince Spike to go play outside! It’s a good thing, though! My hips have never felt better, and you were just terrible!”
“Trixie is magnificent! Its’ you who’s terrible! What, did you read ‘101 on how to have sex’ before we started?!”
“No, but I read ‘101 on how to fake it’!”
Trixie’s horn started to glow and spark, and she took a step forward. “Don’t even go there. You loved when Trixie rode you like that, and you know it.”
“OH, TRIXIE!” Twilight screamed, in the same voice Trixie had remembered her using whenever she came. “OH, YES! MORE, TRIXIE, MORE!”
“Stop it,” Trixie warned, but her warning fell on deaf ears.
“OH TRIXIE! RIGHT THERE!”
“STOP IT!”
“MAKE ME!” Twilight challenged, her own horn also coming to life as she advanced towards Trixie. The two mares butted heads, and growled at each other for a few moments.
“Twilight.”
“Trixie.”
The two were silent for a time, the only sound in the room coming from their overcharged magic energies overlapping with each other. In a split-second, that changed, and the two mares suddenly slammed their lips together and wrapped their forelegs around the each other’s necks as they pushed forward. Trixie won their little struggle, pushing Twilight down onto her back, and continuing to make out with her for a few seconds before pulling away.
“Forget this stupid divorce. The Great and Powerful Trixie always gets what she wants, and she wants you!”
“What, right here? There’s another thing for me to write on the form. You’re mad!”
Trixie grinned, and leaned down closer to Twilight’s face. “And you just love it, don’t you?”
The two mares locked lips once more, and the lights of their horns died down as their tongues did battle in each other’s mouths, each mare trying to win dominance over the other.
Mayor Mare re-entered her office an hour later, after steeling her nerves and readying herself to deal with the two crazy mares who were hopefully done filling out their forms. However, when she entered, she found the room completely empty, and the torn-up divorce forms in the trash. On the mayor’s table, there was a note.
Dear Mayor Mare,
Sorry for the inconvenience. Turns out we won’t be filing for divorce after all. We are taking an extended vacation, though. The library will be handled by Spike in the meantime. I’ve taken the liberty of filling out the appropriate paperwork.
It it’s not too much, could you maybe tell all of my friends that I won’t be back for two weeks? I would have told them myself, but Trixie wanted us to leave as quickly as possible.
See you in two weeks,
Twilight Sparkle and Trixie Lulamoon <3
Mayor Mare groaned, and placed a hoof to her head. “Those two…” The mare stopped, and raised an eyebrow as a strange scent entered her nose. “What’s that smell?” A blush appeared on the mayor’s face as realisation hit her. “W-What have those two been doing in here?!”