//------------------------------// // Chapter 29: Two Mares, One Josh, One Heart // Story: Trip Of A Lifetime // by Tailslover13 //------------------------------// “But I’m just so curious! They did say to open them when they were gone, but I just don’t know. They worked so hard to make these. I feel a little guilty; those fillies are possibly the best ponies in this entire pathetic world, and being given little gifts makes me feel so nervous inside! I never even liked opening gifts on Christmas and my birthday, since it always made me feel guilty, too. I never deserved them.” “Yeah, no kidding! Now, shut up; I’m trying to come up with a foolproof plan on how to get some revenge on you for the traumatizing thing you just did to me! I’m never gonna get your spit out of my ears, you evil stallion! And you totally messed up my mane; I had in the perfect style I wanted and everything. Oh, and where did you learn to tickle like that? Were you getting lessons from Pinkie Pie?” “Oh, pipe down; you had all of that coming. Besides, being in your presence is almost punishment enough for me! So, be thankful you got that going for ya. Oh, and no, I’ve always been good at torture. If you really want to keep nagging me, I can show you some other tactics I’ve learned from being on Earth my entire life.” “Humph.” One wet willy, harsh noogie, and tickle torture later, Josh was satisfied with his punishment of Rainbow Dash. Abiding by his own rules of never physically assaulting a female, he took pride in knowing that pranks and innocent torture wasn’t the same, and it was perfectly fine. For once, he didn’t actually attempt to harm Rainbow Dash; just make her know that he was there and that she would feel his wrath in one of his favorite forms that didn’t involve violence. It felt good hearing Rainbow’s shrieks and laughs, and even more when she had fainted from all the torture. After completing his revenge on Rainbow Dash, Josh loaded the two gifts the Cutie Mark Crusaders had given him into his saddlebags. He still had a few bits of candy left, but he was planning on saving them for a special occasion, or just when he was hungry and wanted a snack again. Leaving the moaning blue Pegasus on the ground and paying her any mind, Josh set out to see the final mare in Twilight’s group that he had yet to see that day. His memory informed him that her home was near the Everfree Forest, which is where Cheerilee and her class was heading, too. While trotting along in higher spirits and soon making his way out of Ponyville, Rainbow Dash had woken back up and insisted on following Josh. Much to the stallion’s annoyance, Rainbow Dash constantly tried to deny that Josh had beaten her. She insisted over and over that she never lost; she just chose not to win sometimes. Her whining forced Josh to try and change the subject to the gifts the Cutie Mark Crusaders had given him, but when dealing with Rainbow Dash, there was no ignoring certain subjects. Josh was learning that the hard way. “Seriously, would you drop it? I could’ve done much worse to you! Now, shut up and tell me how to get to your dorky little friend’s animal house.” “HEY! No insulting Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash flared up and quickly flew into Josh’s face, halting his progress and giving him a stern glare. “She’s sensitive, alright? If you haven’t learned that already, you’d better learn it before going to see her.” The look in Rainbow Dash’s eyes made Josh intrigued. The Pegasus was bratty, but Josh could almost feel the warmth of her loyalty and passion through her fierce expression alone. It unnerved the former human at being told to his face to respect someone else’s friend, not having been confronted very much about such things. “Hmm, does Fluttershy really mean that much to you, Dash?” “Are you kidding? ALL my friends mean that much to me!” Dash crossed her forelegs over her chest as she hovered in front of the stallion. She looked determined to drive her point across. “It’s not because Fluttershy is meek and timid that I care for her; I care for her because she’s my FRIEND and that’s all that matters. Well, I’d probably still care for her even if she wasn’t my friend and she was a meek and timid Pegasus who needed a shoulder to learn on…but, all the same, she and I go way back. She’s almost like a sister to me.” “Ha…a Pegasus sister? So…that would be…” Josh snickered to himself as he thought of the combination of the two words. But, when he saw that Rainbow Dash was cracking her usual grin, he got unnerved once again. “Sheez, alright, I won’t insult her! At least not while you’re around.” “Not cool, Josh.” Dash placed her hooves on her hips, puffing out her chest and glaring down at the stallion. As though an invisible hand was pushing him down, Josh felt his spine lowering itself to the ground and his head drooping as well. Something about Dash’s seriousness when she was the usual prankster wasn’t sitting well with Josh. “Nope, not cool at all. If I find out that you insulted Fluttershy or made her cry…so help me…” All Dash did was shake her head, her mane very slowly flapping back and forth as the Pegasus closed her eyes. I…REALLY don’t like the way she said that…Jesus, what’s with her? Josh gulped, feeling a lump tighten in his throat as he tried to force it down. Such blind, stupid loyalty to your friends is retarded! Doesn’t she realize that she can’t read their hearts? How can she be so loyal and caring to them when she doesn’t know what’s on the inside? That’s one way these ponies and I will never see eye-to-eye. Friends are all fake; they just say what you want to hear to make you feel good. That’s not a friend; that’s a faker. These ponies make me so sick with how close they claim to be. Bah, they wouldn’t survive two days on my world. “Josh, I want to hear a Pinkie Promise out of you.” “Sorry, I was too busy daydreaming and trying my hardest to ignore you. What did you say?” “I SAID I WANT A PINKIE PROMISE OUT OF YOU!” Rainbow Dash angrily pushed a hoof into Josh’s chest, forcing him to stagger backwards and once again look slightly nervous at the sudden mood swing. “You spent time with Pinkie, right? She had to have told you the Pinkie Promise! So, before I allow you to continue on to go and see Fluttershy, you Pinkie Pie swear right here, right now, that you will NOT make Fluttershy cry or say ANYTHING mean.” “Oh, for the love of…” “DO IT!” “I am NOT jabbing my eye again! It still hurts from the last Pinkie Promise I did!” Rainbow Dash’s wings sheathed back into their dormant forms as she landed on the ground. Her eyes casually narrowed into tiny slits as she took a few steps towards Josh. Very slowly, in a nonchalant way, Dash pushed her face in front of the pale stallion’s face. “Do it. Now.” Her voice was direct and serious. Okay, newsflash…ALL THE GIRLS ON THIS WORLD ARE CRAZY! However, even with Josh’s loud and uproarious thoughts about the Equestrian females and his looks of fright into Rainbow Dash’s face didn’t stop the Pegasus from hounding him for a promise. There’s simply no way out of this, is there? Is seeing Fluttershy REALLY that necessary? I’d honestly much rather just avoid her. She’s the type who’d easily make me blow my top if left alone with me for ten minutes. I HATE meek girls! Why am I poking my eye a second time just for her? “Cross my heart and hope to fly…” Josh sighed, crossing his chest with his hoof and sitting up tall for Rainbow Dash, trying to make it look like he was taking this seriously, “…stick a cupcake in my MOTHER-LOVING EYE!” His left eye now matched the soreness of his right one after his latest hoof-to-eye Pinkie Promise motion. Josh didn’t want to expand on the pain in his right, so he had made last-second decision to poke his pretend cupcake into his left eye instead. He was now regretting even doing the Pinkie Promise at all just for the sake of making a dumb promise to a blue pony. Upon witnessing the famous Pinkie Promise used in the typical poor way by newbies, Rainbow Dash gave a victorious smirk as she backed away from the angry stallion. “Awesome. That’s all I wanted to hear, Joshy boy. We can go and see Fluttershy now.” “Gee, thanks, you’re SO nice. Thank you SO much for giving me permission to see your little yellow friend with the sickeningly-sweet pink mane and the quiet voice! I can’t tell just how freaking grateful I am for getting your undeniably-important permission to go and see her without risk of getting pummeled to death later on. Thank you, Rainbow Dash, SO much for making me poke my eye and putting me in pain.” “No problem, Josh! That’s what I’m here for.” Rainbow Dash grinned and turned around, stretching her wings and starting to fly ahead. “Now, c’mon, let’s go! This is around the time when Fluttershy feeds all her flying creatures.” Josh glared at Rainbow’s tush as she vanished down the path leading further away from the hustle and bustle of Ponyville and towards the Everfree Forest. “If I wasn’t so sure this brat was a lesbian, I’d almost be attracted to her. My mother was a tomboy, and this Pegasus strikes me as such. I kinda dig that in a girl…a HUMAN girl. Ugh, great, more weird feelings that I don’t understand. Freaking perfect.” “Um…excuse me, but…why are you talking out loud to yourself?” Blinking a few times, Josh shook his head and mentally scolded himself. Glancing to the side, he saw the same lime green unicorn he had seen numerous times before. Usually he spied her in the background with a group of other ponies, noticeably with an earth pony with a cream-colored coat and a blue and pink mane. After pausing for a thought, he remembered that the mayor of Ponyville and Twilight had both called her Lyra. “Er…maybe I like talking out loud to myself, okay? I enjoy hearing my own voice! You got a problem with that, harp girl?” Josh glared at the green unicorn, glancing at her flank and seeing what he assumed was a harp. “Lyre girl? My name is Lyra! And I play the lyre, not the harp.” Lyra tapped her chin and stared curiously at Josh. “Say…wait a minute…your voice sounds so familiar!” She gasps and pokes her head, as though suddenly realizing something. “Were you that human that tried to ride me yesterday after you started a riot in town square? You are, aren’t you!” Oh…right…that was THIS girl…I really should’ve remembered that. Josh glanced up at the sky and rolled his eyes, silently cursing himself. It’s not my fault, though; all these damn ponies look alike. All with stupid tattoos on their butts, horns on their heads, and mouths that won’t shut the hell up. “Look…Lyra…I’m sorry for trying to ride you the other day. I mean, you were a terrible horse to ride. Not at all comfortable and rather very whiny; not my cup of tea. So, I’m very sorry for thinking you would’ve been a great horse to ride out of Ponyville. That was a bad judge of character on my part. But, yes, that was indeed me.” Lyra slowly dipped her head slightly, a deep glare formulating on her face. “I don’t find you funny, you rotten boy.” She very slowly trotted closer to the stallion. “You were very rude to all the ponies in Ponyville, and you not only scared me to death, but you nearly broke my back by trying to ride me!” She slowly pawed at the ground, as though getting ready to charge, her horn continuing to lower towards Josh’s eye level. “So, what are we going to do about this? If I tell Bon-Bon, she will NOT be happy. Believe you me, she can be scary when she’s mad. I suggest you apologize to me, right now, before I have to show you what happens when you hurt an innocent pony like me who has a very loving pony mare-friend back home just waiting to teach you a lesson!” Holy crap! What the hell is her problem?!?! I’m about to get my ass kicked by a pony…AGAIN! Josh growled and slowly backed away, keeping his eyes locked on Lyra at all times. Dammit, I don’t deserve this! Horses are MEANT to be ridden, right? Ugh, never mind that; I am NOT getting my ass handed to me by yet another freaking pony, especially a weak unicorn! Rarity was scary enough! As he continued to back away, sweat starting to protrude down the nape of his neck, he suddenly realized something that Lyra said that could potentially save him from another beating. “Uh…wait!” Josh bravely halted in his tracks, planting his rump on the ground and holding a hoof in front of him to try and stale Lyra. “How did you know I was a human being? As far as I know, ponies don’t know what humans are. I’m from another world, you know.” Lyra paused, raising an eyebrow curiously as she pondered Josh’s question. She considered ignoring him and continuing to demand an apology before kicking his ass, but being the good-natured noble she was, she decided to humor him. “Well…I don’t really know!” She gave a sly grin, playfully batting some of her grayish cyan mane out of her eyes. “Maybe I was a human in another life or something. I just think about them now and then. I know they exist, but I’ve never seen one before. Bon-Bon says I show odd mannerisms sometimes that I think are akin to a human’s. Isn’t that something?” …is this girl for real? “Humans are so strange…I think.” Lyra sat down and casually rested her hoof against her chin, lost in thought and no longer showing any signs of vengeance. “I’ll admit, it was interesting to see one in Equestria. I figured we would one day, but Bon-Bon never believed me. I suppose I SHOULD be thanking you for making my prediction come true…but, you are a very mean boy, so I don’t think that will be happening without an apology.” Her serene face shifted once again back to dark and annoyed, her orange pupils boring into Josh’s eyes and sending a shiver down his spine. Crap. Okay, that worked…for a moment. This girl is creepy and downright insane, but I need another distraction! So much for humans. Er…uh…wait, did she say…mare-friend? AW, SWEET! I GOT HER! Giving a perverted and somewhat sneering grin, Josh crossed his forelegs and casually brushed off Lyra’s glares. “Say, Lyra…did you say that you had a ‘mare-friend’ back home named Bon-Bon? Since a mare is a female, and I think the human word ‘girlfriend’ is translated as ‘mare-friend’ here, does that mean…” “Yes, Bon-Bon is my mare-friend, and I love her!” Lyra snapped, rising to her hooves as quick as a wink and angrily stomping right over to Josh in three long strides. “I suppose you’re going to say it’s disgusting and creepy, right? I suppose you’re going to call me a ‘filly-fooler’ and insist that I need to get my head checked, right?” “Er…” “Well, let me tell YOU something, buddy. I don’t CARE what you think! Sure, it’ll hurt when you say it, but Bon-Bon and I have heard it all before. We try to ignore the taunts and sneers and hurtful words, but it’s hard. We could care less what they all say, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel the scorn of so many others mocking our relationship. She and I love each other and that’s all that matters!” “Uh…” Lyra, not done talking, shoved her face right into Josh’s, their noses touching and her eyes full of rage as she demanded the stallion’s full attention. “Does it really matter what gender or race you are? Does it matter how you act or what you say that makes you so much better than everypony else? NO! Love is love, and my heart belongs to Bon-Bon. It did from the very moment I laid eyes on her.” Tears began to swell in Lyra’s eyes. “Go ahead. Say that you hate my kind. Say that I’m gross and sick. Make a wish that we die and go burn. If it makes you feel better, do it.” Josh couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His first thoughts were that Lyra was simply mentally unstable from her different mood swings and that she needed therapy. At first, he found the thought of two female ponies actually being mates hilarious, since he had honestly never known any lesbian couples back home, despite the fact they weren’t that rare. However, the more he got chewed out by Lyra and heard the passion in her voice for her mate, the more Josh’s heart scolded him to keep his mouth shut and not say anything rude. Such devotion and love…towards a pony of the same gender? Well…I never really EVER had a problem with gays or lesbians…my mother did, but I never did. Josh hung his head, averting his eyes from Lyra’s scorn for a moment as his thoughts poured into his head. Does she and this Bon-Bon girl really get treated so badly just because they love each other and they both happen to be girls? That’s…that’s wrong. These ponies may be pathetic and stupid, but…that’s just…wrong. Josh shook his head, growling to himself. So…this world DOES have homophobes? I guess…maybe it’s not so different from my world…after all. Huh…imagine that… Josh slowly raised his head back up, staring back into Lyra’s fiercely determined eyes. He could almost feel the passion emanating from her poised body. The tears gently seeping down her cheeks and the dark frown plastered on her face made Josh see just how strongly she felt about her beliefs and her mate. Slowly, the stallion’s thoughts recollected a memory of a conversation he had with his mother about this very subject. It wasn’t pretty. ~~~ “Can you believe this woman at Goodwill? She was actually flirting with another woman right in front of me!” Josh’s mother shook her head in disgust, brushing some of her long, black hair out of her face as she sat down in her favorite rocking chair to read the day’s mail. “It’s so disgusting. In public, no less!” “What’s wrong with that, mom?” Josh walked into the room, the 13-year-old boy slightly confused as to why his mother was acting so repulsed. “Because, Josh, it’s wrong and immoral. Gays and lesbians are disgusting. It’s just like blacks marrying whites. It’s not how love is supposed to work. It says so in the bible. God isn’t happy with people who do such things. I’m afraid they’re going to Hell.” “Aw, c’mon, mom, that’s just cold,” Josh whined, putting his hands behind his back and nervously kicking at the floor. He really felt nervous ever disagreeing with his mother. She was the only proper family he had, and if he ever dared go against what she said, he would be in trouble. “Who cares who loves who? And not everything in the bible is true. God didn’t make the bible so we’d follow it word for word, right? It says that men shouldn’t have long hair, but his own son, Jesus, had long hair!” “So, you want to have a black girlfriend then?” Josh’s mother glared at Josh, her cold frown instantly freezing and scaring Josh into submission. “No son of mine is going to have a black girlfriend. You’re not gay, are you?” “NO!” “Good. And don’t you dare talk about God that way. He’s watching you.” “Yes, mom…” Josh slowly slunk out of the room, still shivering from the evil look his mother gave him. He loved her to death, since she was all he had, and he would always listen to her. But, deep in his heart, he didn’t understand. When he was out of the room, he sighed to himself. “Let people live the life they want to…love is love. That’s all that should really matter.” ~~~ “Well? Aren’t you going to insult me?” “Huh?” Josh shook his head to clear another painful memory. Lyra was still glaring at him and demanding an answer. “Oh…uh, well…” The stallion paused, gulping and nervously looking around. He was so used to having his mother glaring at him, demanding the best of him, always wanting him do the ‘right thing’. He never did drugs, he never drank alcohol, he passed every grade in school, but…he never wanted to be perfect. And he refused to cower behind his invisible mother. “No, Lyra, I have no problem with you and Bon-Bon being mates. In fact, I’m happy for you! You both sound like a really cute couple!” Lyra was about ready to apparently spear Josh with her horn, but upon hearing his words, her eyes fluttered in surprise and she paused in her attempt at revenge. “Ah…oh? So…really?” “Yep, really! I have absolutely nothing against…mares liking mares, or even stallions liking stallions! I’m proud of you both for standing up for what you believe in, too! Good on ya!” Apparently, these words were not expected. Lyra was completely stunned to find a pony, a stallion no less, happy with the fact that she was with a mare. She considered the thought that it was because he was a human and thus perhaps his mindset was different than a pony’s. But, either way, a bright smile soon blossomed on Lyra’s face as her eyes went away from their death glare and sparkled into a look of joyous appreciation instead. “Thank you. That…that really means a lot…human boy.” “My name is Josh, okay? Got it memorized?” Lyra rolled her eyes, but gave Josh a little nod anyway. “Josh, got it. Um…well, it’s good to know that Bon-Bon and I at least have one more supporter who doesn’t care about our relationship.” Her smile shrank slightly. “But, Josh, I still didn’t get an apology…” Sighing and hanging his head in defeat, Josh slowly reached back into his saddlebag and pulled out two more pieces of his dwindling pile of candy. Slowly, he handed them over to Lyra. “Here, Lyra. Take one home to Bon-Bon for me as a little gift. I’m sorry…I guess…for hurting your back.” Lyra looked down at the two pieces of candy, then grinned and gave Josh a little wink. “Annnnnnd…?” Josh grit his teeth and glared at Lyra, ready to strangle her. “And…for causing a riot and for upsetting the other ponies.” “Good boy.” Lyra giggled and eagerly stuck the pieces of candy into her mane for safekeeping. “Thanks so much for the candy, Josh! Bon-Bon is a candy maker, so I know she’s gonna be thrilled!” She took a few steps back and smiled a little. “But, I really should be going now. I came out here to pick some flowers in the meadow for Bon-Bon, and you sidetracked me. I AM really curious about humans, though. Maybe later on you can stop by and talk to me about them? I can introduce you to Bon-Bon and stuff.” “Yeah, sure, whatever. Now please leave before I lose my patience. I usually can only stand you ponies for so long before I start seeing red.” “Suit yourself, Mr. Grumpy.” Lyra playfully stuck out her tongue at Josh, then gave one last chuckle before turning on her hooves and trotting off in another direction, presumably towards the meadow. “See you later, Joshy! Take care of yourself!” Go jump off a cliff, Lyra! Josh’s deadly thoughts made him smirk as he waved to the vanishing lime green unicorn. When she was finally out of his sight, he sighed and checked his saddlebags. He only had six pieces of candy left to go with the two presents from the Cutie Mark Crusaders. It just wasn’t his day. “YO! JOSH!” The stallion really should’ve seen the tackle coming, but yet again was surprised and face-planted into the ground as the familiar Pegasus shocked him from behind. “What the hay are you doing? I was all the way to Fluttershy’s and was busy bragging to her about my heroism at that illegal cupcake operation we busted up earlier, and then I noticed you weren’t with me to back up my story! What gives? You chicken out on seeing Fluttershy?” Urge to maim and kill Rainbow Dash…rising. “Oh, I see, you just didn’t want to lose to me in a race, right?” Rainbow Dash giggled and playfully gave Josh a noogie, bouncing into the air a moment later and allowing the angry stallion to rise to his hooves. “Well…guess what? You would’ve lost anyway!” She reared her head back and laughed, Josh wanting nothing more than to use Rainbow Dash as a football and punt her all the way across Equestria. “Now, c’mon, we’re wasting time! Fluttershy is really excited to see you!” Just as excited as I am to kick your ass, Dash. “Okay, I’ll give you a fair warning this time. On your marks, get set, GO!” Rainbow Dash took off almost as soon as she began counting, leaving Josh behind in a cloud of dust and enraging him even more. I wonder how many years you receive for pony murder here? Josh slowly began trudging along after the speedy Pegasus, really not so enthused anymore about seeing her yellow counterpart. Her conversation with Lyra was still fresh in his mind, and as he ambled his way towards Fluttershy’s cottage, he couldn’t help but continue making similarities and differences between both his world and this one.