//------------------------------// // The Day After: What the Fudgy Stuff? // Story: Running the Show // by Theta //------------------------------// Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit! What the fucking fuck happened last night? Oh Celestia I'm going to- The feeling of three hundred men ran up my throat, and before I know it, I'm in my bathroom; bent over my toilet, and inaugurating the E.S.S. Vomit Comet. When I say it just came up, it CAME up...with a vengance. "Oh sweet Celestia...that old saying is bull shit...pfft beer before liquor never sicker, liquor before beer, you're in the cle-" A sudden urge hit my gut, and another round of puke began. It's a miracle I found the toilet; I forgot to turn the light on in the midst of chaos. I went to hit the lights, but soon realize a crucial mistake; This isn't the bathroom... With a buzz, the lights came on and before me was a puddle of orange-red vomit. What makes it worse, is that it's sitting in my closet. Staring at me, taunting me. I am literally about to shit bricks...FUDGY STUFF this is going to take FOREVER to clean up, and then another eternity to get rid of the smell-Oh for the love of- The aroma of a digested meal, along with moonshine, and partially consumed vodka hits my nose. Backing up, I run into the one pony who I absolutely didn't want to see this... Laughter fills my ears, as I turn around gripping my head, "Not so loud, Dash, I got a wicked hangover. As you can see right there, I emptied most of my gut, along with anything stuck in my lower intestines." "I'm sorry, Solar, but this is priceless! Just think about this; headlines in the newspaper saying, 'EX WONDERBOLT ALREADY WASHED UP-IN HIS OWN VOMIT'. I mean, let's rationalize this, I could go to the press... there are a certain three little fillies who would be all ears to this story..." "You better fucking not... I might tell the Wonderbolts that you've become a binge drinker then! Maybe tell Soarin about how you can barely keep your pants on after a few drinks.", A sinister grin appeared on my face, as I knew I had this mare cornered. "Go right ahead! What would I care? I'm taken, it's not like I'm trying to impress him anymore.", Dash extended her hand, revealing (what looks like) a very, very expensive diamond ring, "As of last night, I'm officially married to Solar Runner; the fastest Wonderbolt to ever step foot on their race track." Internally and externally I freeze in place. I'm happy, confused, and a little scared of what went down twenty four hours ago. Out of every word in the dictionary, my brain decides to pick, "Cool..." My brain finally started functioning again, What the holy fucking crown happened?!?! I mean I guess I'm happy, but what the fuck? Am I ready for this commitment? For children? For the whole nine yards? I mean what if we- Something warm pressed up against me, and before I knew what was happening, I had Dash in my arms, sweetly making out with her. And by sweetly, I really mean it was a feral, animalistic kiss that looked like we're trying to eat each others faces. She pulls away instantly, leaving me puckering like a complete fool, "Solar you there? Finally, I thought connection to your head got disconnected for a second. And blech...you need to bleach your mouth or something... Celestia you're lucky we're married.Anyway, down to business, where should we live? I mean I have a mansion in the sky! What's cooler than that? Plus, I have a personal gym, fully stocked refrigerator, and let's not forget the indoor pool and hot tub!" I deadpan as I realize the real reason she wants me to go there, "Rainbow Dash, are you suggesting this because it's less work?" Her eyes grew wide, and I knew I hit the nail on the head. "N-no! I was suggesting it because, y'know, it's bigger and more comfortable and stuff.." "I don't care, dude. I just knew there was an ulterior motive to you wanting me to move in with you. I'll pack up my shit and head over later today...Damn, what am I going to do with my car?" "...Solar, you crashed your car last night...it's in the Ponyville dump...", Rainbow shook me with the stunning comment. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Gah, that car cost more than everything I own! Hell, it probably costs more than this neighborhood! Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck..." I started pacing back and forth in a cold sweat. Rainbow giggles a little, before bursting out laughing. Through heavy breathes, she manages to mouth, "I...can't...believe...you...fell...for it! Your car is where you left it when you arrived! We never even took it out!" My mind exploded. I, quite literally, had just been mind fucked. Guess it's true women are mind terrorists... "You understand, I am going to get you back really, really, REALLY bad, right?" "So worth it!" "Uhh Dash, I just noticed something...you're still naked...", my voice becomes monotone, and I can only stare, and feel the blood gush out through my nose.