Convergence Series: Journeys

by TheGreatEater


Chapter 13: Celestia: Darkside

Celestia woke up hours later, her mind still heavy from what she had gone through but with the knowledge that she was through with that. She wasn’t looking forward to the next part but she knew that she needed to finish this. She needed to let everypony know that she was sorry, that she needed to make it up to all of them. This journey was for Twilight’s sake when she started, but after who knew how long in this place she learned so many things about herself that she didn’t like. To many horrors that were her fault, and she was determined to make things right.




As she entered the next room it started to shift, looking as if it was turning into melted wax that was being placed within a slow moving blender until all shape, color, and definition around her became lost. Eventually the room began to reform itself and it’s shape was one that she was vaguely familiar with. The surface of the Sun.




As she stood on the convection layer of the Sun it looked like light glittering on a pond as the occasional flare of hot gas shot out from this layer into it’s atmosphere. She looked up to the Photoshpere, the area that was responsible for the light that shined throughout the solar system. As she looked around, admiring the view in a new light, she was barely aware that this was supposed to be another bad moment. This came to be shortly as the flares formed chains and pulled her down the heat of the sun causing her body to sweat as the fire started singeing her.




“Aren’t you a pathetic sight? You truly are a broken, miserable slave.” Said a being that rose from the depths of the sun to stand before her. This being looked like Nightmare Moon in many ways, but the biggest noticeable differences was that she was adorned with Celestia’s Cutie Mark. Her mane and tail were made from the fires of the sun and her coat a pristine white, with yellow flames instead of shadows flowing on her skin.



As Celestia looked closer she noticed that this being looked like her, but her coat was made completely of fire, ranging from so hot that it burned white, to a soft yellow flame. But there was no mistaking the malice in her slitted eyes, nor the cold loathing in her voice. As Celestia looked at her she was shocked at the insult thrown at her, she wasn’t a slave to anyone.




“I don’t know what you are, but you are mistaken I am no ones slave. Especially not to you!”




“Ha! Seriously, not a slave? I think you better take a closer look at your life then.”




“More memory tricks? Haven’t I gone through that enough!?”




“No tricks, simple irrevocable truths.”




**************




Celestia saw herself in a normal day, desk piled high with mountains of paper work. Everything from petty disputes that ate up most of her early morning up to the rare thing that actually required her approval. She hated it, but it was an unfortunate responsibility of rulership. Over looking everything incase something important actually came up.




This vision passed as she felt the all encroaching frustration of this mindless, repetitive mess that consumed her time. Until it was finished only to be replaced by hours upon hours of sitting at the Royal Court where all the tediousness of paper work merged with actual ponies all vying for a bit of her time. Rarely was it of actual importance, but occasionally it was important. Just another task she was forced to do, to keep her kingdom ruling.




*********************




“See you are a slave to your subjects, you could delegate tasks, you could hand off the work to others. But no! you chain yourself in paperwork and unnecessary things in a misguided attempt to be responsible. Hoping that if you’re good enough your pathetic parents who abandoned you will return. It really is pathetic of you.” Her dark side said in a mocking tone.




“I’ll say it again I’m not a slave! I choose to serve the people, they need me to help them.”




“No! They need you to rule over them. They are but insects, whose short lives are over before they do anything of true worth. They call you a tyrant, and that is what they need!”




“Your wrong they -” Celestia started before being cut off.




“Cut the speech on how smart and ingenious they are. We share the same mind, I was there when the dark ages happened. When you spent two hundred years in your room in a state of depression do to our worthless sister. They nearly brought all of Equestria down into a wasteland do to their foalish foolishness.




They want someone to praise when things go right and to damn when things go wrong. Anything to take away the weight of responsibility from their shoulders. They gave up their freedom to you the day they forced that curse’ed crown upon our head. They know that without you they would fall apart, and true terror would reign as mortal two bit dictators and tyrants fought endlessly for control.




Ponies were made to be controlled, all you’ve done though is allow them to control your life for as long as you’ve been Princess. So little miss ‘not a slave’, what do you have to say for yourself?”




Celestia knew that arguing was pointless. But she was more than this cruel thing before her. Yes she hated that she had to sacrifice her time and life to petty things that ate up her time. But she loved those ponies. Not all of them, but even those she disliked she tolerated. Especially those pompous twats who called themselves nobility. It was a title that was given during the war with a pretense of a far removed connection to her family tree. A minor thing to keep them in line, but she promised herself she would never be a tyrant.




“Yes there are some pony’s whom I dislike, but I would never call them insects and I would never allow myself to be a monster like you are.”




“Me? A monster? No .... I’m your connection to the sun that you suppressed. I’m all the evil, naughty thoughts that you have in your head. I’m every bit of hate, every bit of anger, every bit of darkness that you suppress into the darkness of your psyche. Face it, I’m you and your me.”




“No your not, and when I’m free of these chains I’ll show you how wrong you are!”




“Well then why don’t you break free? After all you placed them on yourself. They are the weight of the sacrifice, obligations, and regret that you use to make a prison of your own making. It’s quite silly actually. So why don’t you free yourself? Come on show me how different you are from me.” She said with a soft chuckle.




Celestia sat there the fire starting to get to her, as sweat started to drench her body. the singeing starting to brand the skin under her coat. I won’t be like her. Yes she saying things I’ve felt before, but I know what happens to those who give into such things. But for my sister and Twilight I must find another way of breaking free of these chains.





“For Twilight and your sister? How hilarious. You’ve done your sister’s job for a thousand years, and now that she’s got back you’ve done nothing but fall right back into your old ways. You barely have time for her, and when you do it’s only for a few brief moments. You don’t need her, and all she is, is a way for you to feel less crappy about your life and to allow the weight of doing both the sun and moon off your shoulders.




As for Twilight, you knew how she felt but distanced yourself. All until she became an Alicorn, all because you knew otherwise she’d die just like all the rest of those you cared about. Think about it! If she never became immortal, even though there is a chance that the Elements could give immortality to their welders you still kept yourself separate from her, just like that sister you claim to love so much. Then there’s all the threats they went up against, that you could have warned them about. Twilight and her five little friends. They could have died easily, but survived by the skin of their teeth. And you say you care about them? Don’t make me laugh.”





This hit Celestia like a ton of bricks. It was something she never really thought about consciously. But she could have done more for both of them, it was just another way that she had failed them. Thinking about these chains around her body more closely. She wasn’t going to just cut all ties to what made her, her. But she knew she had to do something. Closing her eyes she thought about what this side of herself had said.




She accepted that she took much work upon herself, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. And she knew that she allowed the wishes of others to be placed above her own desires. She accepted that some put her on a pedestal and worshiped the ground she walked on, some called her a tyrant and feared her with a passion, while the rest were simply happy to praise her when things went right and blamed her when things went right. Whether it was from her actions or not. It angered her, but she could forgive them. Even if it did hurt her in ways she couldn’t say. As she accepted that the obligations she placed upon herself were for the most part unneeded she felt the chains of fire loosen.




She had held blame for all the deaths she had caused, all the times she had let those she cared about down, all the wasteful actions that had harmed those around her. She couldn’t fully forgive herself for those, but she could accept that it wasn’t fully her fault. Unfortunately this barely made a dent in the chains. By now she could walk, if at an encumbered shamble.




She looked at this side of herself before her. She hated it, but she just looked at her. After awhile she saw the anger, malice, loathing that she denied herself. All the darkness that she let fester rather than dealing with it. While she didn’t agree with what it said, she knew that this thing before her needed the one thing it wasn’t admitting. It needed love, rather than denial.




“I was wrong.” Celestia said in a soft voice.




“What?” An incredulous look written across her darksides face.




“ I was wrong, I don’t agree with how you interpret things, but you must be so sad. Having me deny you for so long. It was wrong of me. You’re right though. There are so many things that I created to mingle with the populous has ended up with me missing all if not most of it. I hate the fact that I’m burdened with something that I never asked for and if I leave I have seen the destruction that will happen to Equestria.




I’m sorry that you were the one to suffer for my actions. You must really be suffering if you’re carrying over three thousand years of my baggage that I didn’t deal with. There’s one thing I can do for you.” She said as she wrapped that other side of her in a hug. Doing the hardest thing she had to do in her life. Accept the side she had been running from for so long. As she let her love flow through her the forms features lightened. A small smile spreading on her face, the chains turning from a burning weight, to a warm embrace. Slowly she looked at the Sun form before her a warm smile on her face as she whispered “Thank You”. Just as the sun faded away returning her into the room she was in last time.