//------------------------------// // The(Not) Hangover // Story: Wake up. See This. What do? (Comment driven story) // by RazortheAwesome //------------------------------// Time to wake up. Let's hope you're not too hungover. You turn to the left to discover that Fluttershy is curled up to you, looking incredibly disheveled. You turn to your right and discover Rainbow Dash snoring in your face, looking incredibly satisfied. You discover that the room is scattered with cider mugs, empty weed bags, dildos, and other things you aren't entirely sure you want to identify. You notice that you are not wearing any clothes, and the two pegasi are curled up to you incredibly tightly. As you begin to panic about what happened last night, a dark blue pony with both wings and horn steps out of a shadow on the wall. She stares at you for a time before saying, "Would you please explain to us how exactly this is a nightmare?" You wake up. You blink for a few moments to adjust your eyes. You're still not completely awake yet. That familiar feeling of "Oh god I know I should wake up but I don't want to!!!" takes hold of you. You suppose you could lay here for five more minutes. So, you turn your head to your left in an attempt to fall back asleep again. However, your eyes shoot back open and you're suddenly completely awake as your vision is filled with yellow. Fluttershy is sleeping next to you.... no really, she is. She is curled up right next to you with her hooves around your left arm like it's a teddy bear. Her mane looks incredibly disheveled and she has a smile on her face. At this, you start freaking out. 'WHAT THE *(every swear word imaginable)* HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!!!???' you mentally scream to yourself as you turn to look away from her. As you do however, you come face to face with Rainbow Dash snoring in your face. The look on her face is that of an incredibly satisfied smile. At this you suddenly feel a kind of, but not so heavy, weight on top of you. You slowly look forward to see Rarity sleeping on top of you like a dog would. Her left hoof is drooped over you and laying on top of Rainbow Dash. Her mane looks even more disheveled than Fluttershy's, and the smile on her face is just as wide as ever. Behind her, on the armrest of the couch, you notice Applejack laying over it with her head on her feet. Her hat is missing. After a quick look behind her you notice it on the lamp that Lyra and Bon Bon keep by the desk. Also her mane isn't tied up anymore, it's all over the place. She's just snoring as soundly as Rainbow Dash. You then look away from her back to your right at the coffee table. Pinkie Pie is sleeping on it with her head over the edge. She's snoring in a way that somehow sounds like jingle bells. That's not what grabs your attention however. On the table with Pinkie Pie and indeed scattered about the room, are empty cider mugs, plastic bags (you can only guess what was in those), sex objects, and many, many, MANY other things that you aren't entirely sure you want to identify. Also, you're not wearing any clothes.... at all..... and the blanket that Lyra gave you to sleep on the couch is gone. As all of this sets in you start to panic about what in the *(every swear word imaginable)* happened last night at the party. You're quite certain you came home with Lyra and Bon Bon (AND NOPONY ELSE) and just went to sleep. So how in the flying hell did this even happen? As you're slowly driving yourself into madness, you're about to scream when suddenly, you hear clopping noises. You then look over to notice a rather tall (much taller than any of the ponies you've seen before), indigo colored pony with BOTH a horn and wings walks out from the kitchen. You just stare at her, and she just stares right back at you for several moments. "Would you please explain to us how exactly this is a nightmare?" the indigo pony asks. You don't respond. You just stare at her for several more moments before you look towards the door.... For some odd reason, lyra throws a bottle of salt at your eyes. Only to come face to face with Lyra, who, for some odd reason, decides to throw a bottle of salt at your eyes.... Spontaneously explode. And for no reason you spontaneously explode right as it hits you... Time to wake up. Let's hope you're not too hungover. And that is when you wake up. You quickly and abruptly sit up on the couch. You don't scream.... for whatever reason, probably out of contrasty, but probably because you're beyond screaming at this point. You look around, there are no ponies here. Nopony else is in the house, it's just you. Just you. You, the couch, and Lyra and Bon Bon upstairs (hopefully). As you see all this, you let your breathing slow for a bit. Then, once you are certain that YES, in fact, you ARE alone, you let out a loud sigh and fall back on the couch. Surprisingly, you DON'T have a hangover, but you still feel as if you're brain wants to claw itself out of your head. "Note to self," you think aloud. "Purge that memory as quickly as humanly possible." For some pointless reason imagine your brain imploding. You imagine your brain imploding in an effort to remove those thoughts from your head. It doesn't work. They're still there. Guess you'll have to try something else later. First off look over your body to make certain you didn't ruin your suit too badly from last night. Would be a shame for something bad to happen to it ha ha ha ha... NO SERIOUSLY MAKE CERTAIN YOUR SUIT IS FINE! Then get some coffee. You then check to see if you are wearing any clothes, or at the very least more than you had on in that dream. You throw the blanket off of you to see that you are in fact, wearing some clothes. You're not wearing your suit. Something with that much swag, you would NEVER fall asleep in it. You must have taken it off sometime last night, then you think Bon Bon took it and set it in the laundry pile. Yeah, you can distinctly remember that. No, you're wearing the pair of underwear that came with the suit. Rarity made them for you as well.... out of SILK of all things.... Makes you feel like even more of a bawller boss. But yeah, you're fine. Now that you are CERTAIN that you are fine, and since you're pretty much awake now. You get up off of the couch and stretch a little bit, like you usually do. Check for burns because you were HOT last night. You then proceed to check yourself for burns, because you were HOT last night.... You laugh to yourself a bit at that. Seriously though, that was a damn good party last night, despite the fact that it was thrown by a bunch of ponies. You gotta remember to party like that once you get back home. After that, you look over at the clock on the wall and notice that is says 9:45 am. Damn, you slept a while. You distinctly remember it being midnight when you got back here, but still. That is a while. "Make yourself some coffee." "Make yourself some coffee." "......." ".......did we just agree to something?" "Yes, yes we did mate." Try to figure out a word the rhymes with month You get up and eat one of the many sweets, preferably a Muffin or Cinnamon Bun, Pinkie Pie gave you last night in a party bag, which is incredibly big. Not only are you having breakfast but the sugar rush will help wake you up. You then decide to bring in the paper for Lyra and Bon Bon. Read the paper and see what counts as news in this world. An article about how Princess Celestia goes through so much cake and yogurt and yet doesn't gain weight with a shot of her stuffing her face, An article with pictures of some royal couple named Shining Armour and Princess Cadence and whether or not they're pregnant An Article about some newly elected official named Flag who claims to be for the people, with a picture of Pony with a perfect politician smile and the Comics, which actually have Garfield, which is surprising, only Jon is a pony. So in other words, their news is full of Gossip, Politics, and Funny Pages....Just like Human Papers. You frown, it's kind of disappointing that there really is no difference to what is "News" in both worlds. Find your dandy socks / And then read the newspaper / If you're very bored. Get coffee and breakfast. Waltz around town like a boss looking for something interesting to do. You held it off long enough, after you get some breakfast... wait... check the time. Okay, after you get some LUNCH, (god you slept in late) get high with Lyra and Bon Bon. Step 1.) Coffee, you need it, Bon-Bon and Lyra would likely appreciate it. Step 2.) Serve Apple Pie for breakfast, it's the most legit pastry breakfast since Cherry-changas, so do it! Step 3.) After breakfast, ask what Lyra's plans are for today, and should she be busy, let her know you'll be hanging around Ponyville, just wondering what you can do around there. Step 4.) Part company with your room-mates, and explore! Step 5.) Make your way to town hall, hopefully to find a map and/or announcements of events that are coming up. (Job offers are good too.) Step 1) Get up Step 2) check what time it is Step 3) proceed to make breakfast and coffee Step 4) eat it all Step 5) ??? Step 6) Profit Coffee, definitely coffee. And take a shower, you stink! >> The Sniper Coffee is cocaine in liquid form! Snowflame what are you doing here? Snowflame is not sure. Moonwalk your way into the kitchen, grab some oatmeal, moonwalk to the kitchen table, eat, then make sure your suit is still baller and you're not having to remove a stain. Well, whatever time it is, it's about time you got some breakfast. A quick rumble of your stomach reminds you of exactly how god damn hungry you are. Before you do that however, you walk on over to the front door and open it. Surely enough, there is a newspaper at your feet. Without even thinking about anything, you pick it up and bring it inside. You then head over to the kitchen and throw it on the table. You'll read it in a minute. Now the ABSOLUTE first thing you do, is get some coffee made. Luckily you remember where everything is, so it doesn't take long for you to throw some coffee together. Also, this time while making coffee, you notice the brand of coffee that Lyra and Bon Bon have. It reads "Uncle Bob's RUMBA coffee." You're not sure why you didn't notice this before. While the coffee is being made, you notice the box of apple pie that you got from Applejack yesterday. You've almost forgotten about it. Thank god you didn't. You then quickly grab a knife and cut yourself a piece. Just as the coffee finishes, you set your slice of pie down on the table and walk over to grab some. You pour yourself a cup of coffee, which you then almost immediately drink as soon as you have. You instantly feel yourself waking up a little more as you drink it. "Thank god, I needed that." You say to yourself. You then pour yourself a bit more to fill the cup again before you head back over to the table. You then pick up a fork and take a bite of pie, and well..... it's good. You can't believe it's still fresh. Yeah it's not as warm as when it was freshly baked, but it's still GOD DAMN AMAZINGLY GOOD!!!!! It's taking a considerable amount of your willpower to stop you from getting up and eating the whole damn thing. Lyra and Bon Bon probably want some too. Anyway, as have your breakfast, you decide to read through the paper real quick to see what counts as news in this world. The first thing you notice is an article about how Princess Celestia eats so much cake and yet still doesn't gain any weight. The picture that accompanies it is a picture of a large, white pony with both wings and a horn stuffing her face with cake. "So that's what Princess Celestia looks like," you say to yourself as you see that. Your mind goes back to the strange indigo pony in your dream who also had wings and a horn, but that was CLEARLY a different pony. That aside, it's interesting to see that famous figures as still stalked to death only for reports on nothing in this world too. Guess as long as there is news there isn't escaping it. The next article you see is about a seemingly normal pony couple that go by the names of "Shining Armor," and "Princess Cadence," and about how she might be pregnant. You're not sure why this is important, but hey, you have no idea who these two even are. Although, Shining Armor's cutie mark does look a little familiar. You dismiss it as nothing and move on though. The next article after that is about some newly elected politician by the name of "Risen Flag," who claims to be for the people. The article is accompanied by a picture of a pony that you can only assume is him giving a typical politician smile. It kind of creeps you out a little. After that, you start searching through the paper to find the funnies. Strangely enough though, the paper doesn't have a funnies section. Instead, what is has is a section called "Things Pinkie Pie Has Done." Upon reading it you can't help but laugh your ass off. Some of the things she does legitimately are funny. Check up on Lyra and Bon Bon, find out what time it is, and go get some food. You then notice Lyra and Bon Bon walk into the room as you just get finished reading through another bit of the Pinkie Pie section. Both their manes look incredibly disheveled and well... they might as well be zombies. You know the feeling. "Morning," you say to them as politely as you can. "Morning..." Bon Bon replies in a rather dead voice. Lyra just grumbles at you. Seeing them the way they are, you pour them both a cup of coffee and cut two more slices of pie for both of them. You put their breakfast on the table right as they sit down. The moment they see the coffee, they both pick it up and start drinking it. Bon Bon with her hooves, and Lyra with her magic. Within a few moments, the two are as awake as you. "Ah...." Lyra says as she lets out a breath. "That's good coffee." "Good morning Jason," Bon Bon says to you as she looks at you with a cheerful smile on her face. "Did you sleep well?" "Yeah, yeah I did," you say to them. Despite the dream you had earlier though, you did sleep like a rock. You're not sure if you should tell them about it. A few moments of silence pass as you all eat your slices of pie, and then go over for second helpings. Apparently, you're not the only one who loves Applejack's pies. As you all are eating your second slices though, Bon Bon turns to Lyra. "Lyra," Bon Bon says. "Do you ever wonder if there are parallel universes?" "No," Lyra replies. You think it's kind of a weird question to ask out of the blue like that, but you just shrug it off and keep eating. -Meanwhile in a parallel universe where all ponies live with their rule 63 counterparts- "Hey Lyra," Harpsy said as he walked into the kitchen where Lyra and Bon Bon were having breakfast. "Wanna practice doing it?" "Yep," Lyra replied. -Meanwhile in a parallel universe where ponies have hands instead of hooves- "BON BON LOOK!!!" Lyra shouted as she ran into the kitchen. "What is it Lyra?" Bon Bon asked. "LOOK!!!" Lyra shouted as she showed her hands to Bon Bon. "I HAVE HANDS!!!!!" "So what, we all have hands," Bon Bon responded. -Meanwhile in a parallel universe where all coffee has been replaced with milk- "ssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppppppppppppppppp," Lyra said from her mouth as she drank her milk. A very tired Bon Bon sat right next to her. -Meanwhile in a parallel universe where there is no concept of time- "Spike!" Twilight yelled as she was rearranging some of the books in her library. Several books floated around her via magic. "Yes, Twilight," Spike said as he came into the room. "What time is Princess Celestia supposed to arrive today?" "What is time?" Spike asked, an incredibly confused look on his face. Suddenly, all the books that were floating around Twilight dropped. "I DON'T KNOW!!!" Twilight shouted worriedly. -Meanwhile in a parallel universe where Latin is the dominant language instead of English- "Pinkie Pie quid agatur!" Twilight increpuit amicus illius sicut cucurrit in Sugarcube Angulum. "Quid loqueris Twilight?" Pie Pinkie interrogavit amicus illius. Eam risu quam hilarem et lati sæcula. "Quid Latine?" Interrogavit Twilight. "*ANHELO!*" Pie Pinkie exclamavit. -Meanwhile in a parallel universe out in space- Well... my Dalek servant appears via time-space warp. You ask "what the heck are you doing here?" It responds "I followed you and I now leave you with these gifts, as per my master's instructions." A small box warps in, and it opens, revealing your trusty pocketknife from Earth, and a copy of this: Then it calls out, "Mission complete, initiating emergency temporal shift!" It disappears, leaving you and Bon Bon sitting there, with a 'WTF' look on your faces. Then you make some coffee. And not just any coffee... Uncle Bob's RUMBA Coffee! Suddenly, there was a knock on the TARDIS door. Cautiously, The Doctor and Clara opened it to find a Dalek on the other side. Floating... in space.... "What the heck are you doing here?" The Doctor asked it while Clara stood behind him. "I followed you and now I heave you with these gifts, as per my master's instructions," The Dalek said as it handed The Doctor a small box. Slowly and cautiously, The Doctor took the box from the Dalek and opened it. As he did, a video projection suddenly came out and this song started playing. "Mission complete," The Dalek then says. "Initiating emergency temporal shift!" Then, as quickly and spontaneously as it had come, the Dalek vanishes. Both The Doctor and Clara just look out the TARDIS door at where it once was in confusion. -Meanwhile in a parallel universe where clopping sets your hooves on fire- "BON BON!!!!" Lyra shouted as she ran into the kitchen. "MY HOOF IS ON FIRE!!!!" Bon Bon then looked over to see that Lyra's hoof not only was indeed on fire, but her whole left leg was as well. "By Celestia Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted. "What were you watching!?" -Meanwhile in a parallel universe where dinosaurs are still alive, but also invisible- Suddenly, Bon Bon took out a shotgun from underneath the kitchen table and started looking around. "Is there a dinosaur in here?" she asked. "I don't know, but it's entirely possible," Lyra said as she stopped eating her breakfast and pulled out a chainsaw from underneath the table. -Meanwhile in our universe- "WHY DIDN'T YOU USE MY COMMENT RAZOR!!!!!!!!!" shouted an angry fan of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic at his computer screen. -Meanwhile in this story's universe- Since you have the day off, do some sight-seeing. Take a tour around Ponyvile, maybe Lyra can be your guide. Walk around town... LIKE A BOSS Get coffee and breakfast. Waltz around town like a boss looking for something interesting to do. Find a bag of bits of an indeterminate amount in your pillow. Then... You take a walk. A normal. Everyday. Walk. It is the most enjoyable thing you have done since you got to Equestria. The entire scenery is PERFECT. Ab. So. Lute. Ly. PERFECT! I second this. I think a nice, relaxing walk is perfect after such a big party and all that other jazz you've been through. "So, what are you two doing today?" you ask Lyra and Bon Bon as they finish eating. "Well, nothing really. The store is closed today so..." Bon Bon replies before Lyra interrupts her. "I got no plans," Lyra then says. "Nice," you say to them. "Cause I was actually hoping-" right before you can finish what you're about to ask them, you hear a knock on the door that spontaneously knocks you out of your thoughts. "I'll get it," Bon Bon says as she hops off of her chair and heads on over to the door. You and Lyra just stare at her for a while before you turn your attention back towards each other. "So, what were you saying?" Lyra asks you. "Oh," you say. "Well I was kind of hoping that-" "Jason!" Bon Bon suddenly calls out from the door. "It's for you!" At that, you're suddenly confused. Who would be here for you right now? It's not early, but still, who would be here now. You just looked back at Lyra, who looks equally as confused as you do. Since sitting here obviously isn't gonna solve this mystery, you get on out of your chair and head on over towards the door. Lyra jumps out of her chair and follows you. Bon Bon then scoots to the side as you reach the door. As you do reach the door, you look down at who it could possibly be... and you see.... Go see what the fuck is Twilight's shit. ...Just, you know, don't go alone. As much fun as that party way, you couldn't help but to think about Twilight. Sure she tried to rape you, but after that little development with the Cenotaur, she's obviously not going to be raping you anytime. If worse comes to worse you just leave and never talk to her. If Spike is giving ya some nasty looks, just try talking to him so he can relay a message back to her. suddenly, twilight D: You don't see Twilight, hell you don't even see a pony. There, at the door, is that tiny, purple, lizard, dragon thing that was there when your five friends (yes, you do consider them your friends now) captured Twilight. He was the one who put the horn thing on her and carried her away. You think his name is Spike. He looks right up at you. Since he is about as tall as Applebloom was, you seem like a giant compared to him. He doesn't look angry at you, or mad in any way. If anything, he seems depressed, like something is really bothering him. "Hi," Spike says to you. What do you do?